It's Not the Size That Matters

DISCLAIMER: JKR will gladly take credit for the wonderfulness that is Harry Potter…I do not, however think she would feel compelled to lay claim to this piece of drivel…nope, that's all me!

A/N: Okay. At the risk of being yelled at and crucified for not updating `Fairy Tale' I really had to get this story out of my head. It's been driving me crazy for over a week.

Could you imagine if I'd met anyone new in that time? “Hi. It's really nice to meet you. Do you realize that Harry is having some insecurities about the size of his manhood?” No. Doesn't sound good, does it?

At least now though, you understand why I had to do it. It's only this little one-shot. There's no point in continuing…it's over and I'll soon be back on track.

I've read a lot of stories about how hugely magnificent Harry is and one I read a little over a week ago got me to wondering…and wondering…and wondering, about an insecure Harry. This is what I came up with. It may not be great, but at least it clears some much-needed space in my head.

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Hi. I'm - um - uh Harry (man this is weird). Hermione gave me this journal and quill a while back and this is the first time I've tried to use it. It's kinda neat because I don't actually have to use the quill; it just writes what I say all on its own. Anyway, Hermione thought it would be great to give me a place to write down my feelings and stuff. She said it might help me to better “control my emotions” or something. I'm kind of nervous because um, I do have - um - a - um - a little problem. It's really embarrassing. If anyone ever got their hands on this journal I would probably die of humiliation. I can see it now, “HARRY POTTER DEFEATS LORD VOLDEMORT; DIES OF EMBARRASSMENT.” Rita Skeeter would have a field day with this.

You see, I've been dating this girl for a while and, um, well, tonight's the night…the night and well, I'm a little worried. Let me just say that it's a good thing there were shower stalls at Hogwarts. There's a - um certain part of my-um-uh anatomy that I've always kind of - well, worried about. Like maybe I don't measure up to other guys.

Sure, I defeated Voldemort but this, well, this I can't really do anything about. It's just there. It's just a part of me that I won't be able to hide anymore after tonight, well, you know, at least not from her. It's not like it's almost invisible or anything, but, I don't know, it just-it seems like it should be bigger.

That's it, for now. That's all I wanted to say. I was just hoping maybe putting it in the book might somehow make it okay.

I guess I'll know after tonight.

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After a wonderful dinner, Harry takes his date back to his flat. They've been waiting for this. It's the first time for both of them and the awkwardness is overwhelming.

He holds up a bottle of wine and silently asks if she'd like a glass. She nods. He reaches for two glasses and slowly begins to pour. He sets down the bottle, picks up glasses, and walks deliberately to his girlfriend to hand her a glass.

Their glasses clink…here's to tension relief, she jokes. They both laugh and feel a small part of themselves relax. They stare into each other's eyes as they finish their wine. Neither of them quite ready to make the first move. Harry takes a drink and discovers his glass is already empty. He laughs nervously and sets his glass on the counter. She does the same.

He takes a tentative step toward her and she mimics his movements. They meet. They look into each other's eyes. A questioning look passes between them; `are you sure you're ready?' they silently ask. A barely perceptible nod from each brings them together.

Their kiss is tentative at best. Their arms are stiff as they gauge the other's reactions. Harry lifts his arms and places his hands on her face. He pulls back, checking her eyes once more. A welcoming look beckons him to do more. He brings his lips to hers in a sudden, crushing kiss that ignites them both. No longer insecure, they are ready.

As the kiss intensifies they struggle to remove their shoes without the use of their now preoccupied hands. They move together toward Harry's room in a tangle of arms and legs, tearing the clothes from one another's bodies as they move. Their lips only parting briefly as they remove their shirts. Their lips resume contact quickly as though magnets to metal. Their breathing is heavy as he reaches for her pants. He loosens them; she steps out of them. Contact unbroken, she does the same and he steps out of his own. Now freed from all but their under garments they look to each other again. They reach down to remove their socks. She reaches up to remove her bra and he gasps. Magnificent, he whispers as he stares at her. She blushes. They look at each other and silently each places their hands on their final piece of clothing. Slowly they lower them; they step out of them and toward each other.

They stop. A couple of feet separate them and they stare at each other. Each beginning with the other's eyes, they slowly begin to lower their gaze. The nose, the mouth, the chin, the neck…slowly their eyes rake over the other until they reach `there'.

Suddenly…

“AH - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….” She is laughing. Hard.

Harry looks down. Embarrassed, he raises his eyes to hers. “What?” He asks softly, already knowing the answer.

Trying to regain control she raises her arm halfway and stammers. “I don't know, Harry. It's just - I - I -don't know. I thought - well - somehow I thought - it would be bigger, you know? What with saving the world and all, I just thought - I…”

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Harry woke with a start. “Ohmygod.” He said quickly. His body was damp with sweat and his heart was beating rapidly in his chest. He frantically reached for his glasses and put them on. He looked around and found that he was alone.

“It was a dream. Oh thank God it was a dream.” He said as an overwhelming surge of relief washed through him.

He thought about the dream and his embarrassment. “I may not like publicity, but if that were to really happen, I think I'd need one major ego boost just to make it through another day.” He said dryly.

He looked at the clock and decided it was time to get ready for the big date. He was no longer sure that it would go as far as he'd hoped at first, but he was looking forward to it just the same.

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He met her at her flat right on time and they walked together the few short blocks to the restaurant she'd chosen. After a good meal and meaningless conversation that belied their nervousness, they returned to her flat.

She held up a bottle of wine and silently asked if he wanted a glass. He nodded. She reached for two glasses and slowly began to pour. She looked up to find him staring at her. She smiled. She set down the bottle and picked up the glasses. She moved to stand next to him and handed him his glass.

“Here's to tension relief,” he says. She smiles nervously. “To tension relief,” she repeats softly as they raise their glasses in a toast. They watch each other as they drink. Nervously they set their half-full glasses on the counter. Their smiles confirming what they both already know.

Tentatively they step toward each other. They look into each other's eyes, silently asking one another, `are you sure you're ready'? A smile brings them together in a gentle embrace. They've been here before and they quickly find their comfort zone. She pulls away to look at him; silently telling him the time has come. He brings his lips to hers in a new kind of kiss. The kiss is full of passion; full of anticipation. She pulls away breathlessly and looks in the direction of her bedroom. His eyes light up and he nods, anxious now for the next step.

She bends down to remove her shoes and socks. Harry smiles and does the same. When he finishes, she holds out her hand to him and he looks at her as he takes it. Together they move to her room. They move to stand beside her bed and she reaches for the buttons on her shirt. He raises his hands to cover hers. She stops, her eyes questioning him. “Let me.” He says softly. She smiles and lowers her hands. She watches as he unbuttons her shirt and slides it from her shoulders. She smiles at him and reaches back to unfasten her bra. She lowers it to the floor and he gasps. “Magnificent.” He murmurs. Her skin reddens slightly as she blushes.

She reaches for him and pulls the shirt from his pants. He raises his arms as she pulls it over his head. “Magnificent.” She murmurs with a smile. He reaches to remove his pants and she mimics him as she removes hers.

She reaches for him to remove the last item. He shakes his head as his nervousness takes over. He grabs the waistband and holds on tight as he watches her. She can see the panic in his eyes. She smiles and removes her own, encouraging him to do the same. Alone in his state of partial undress, he nervously removes his briefs. Afraid to face her, he closes his eyes as he slowly stands up.

She gasps. She surprises him as she grasps his hand. He opens his eyes and sees her smile. Sensing the reason for his uneasiness, she places her hand on his cheek and caresses his lips with her thumb. He closes his eyes and she says, “You're beautiful, Harry. Perfect.”

Surprised, he opens his eyes and searches hers. Honesty, truth, and passion reflect back at him. He smiles and slowly releases the breath he's been holding.

He takes her in his arms…his fear and anxiety forgotten.

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Hi! I'm back. Last night was - well - it was bloody wonderful, that's what it was. I still can't believe it. She said I was perfect. And I thought for sure that dream was gonna ruin it. She always knows exactly what I need.

I can't remember ever being this happy. I finally realized something last night, it's not the size that matters…it's the love.

Merlin, I love that girl.

Someday she's gonna be my wife.

Hermione Potter.

Sounds…

Perfect.

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A/N2: I am going to straight to work on `Fairy Tale' as soon as I post this. I promise.

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