I Love You More

H_HrFan

Rating: G
Genres: Drama
Relationships: Ron & Luna
Book: Ron & Luna, Books 1 - 5
Published: 23/01/2005
Last Updated: 23/01/2005
Status: completed

The worst kind of tragedy strikes Ron and Luna and Ron has a hard time accepting it. Very sad story...I hate to do this to them but it's been on my mind for a long time.

Chapters

1. I Love You More

1. I Love You More

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the depressing idea for this story. The glorious characters belong to the magnificent JKR.

A/N: Originally this idea stemmed from the haunting lyrics and vocals of Evanescence's song `Hello'. It has, however, taken another path as I have recommended that song to another fanfic writer who I believe can do it much more justice then I ever could…if she chooses.

I could not completely abolish the idea for the story from my mind though, so tonight I found myself writing it down in lieu of `Fairy Tale' (which is what I was trying to work on).

Anyway, it's very sad as the song from which it originally stemmed is very sad.

As per usual, I am the only one reading, editing, etc so if there are any glaring errors please bring them to my attention so I can fix them…thanks. I'd appreciate any comments.

Thanks for reading.

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I Love You More

It had been Luna's idea to send her and Ron's daughter, Julia, to a Muggle primary school. “You know, Ronald, now that Voldemort's been defeated, Wizard-Muggle relations will become even more important. We know so little about Muggles and I think it would benefit Julia greatly if she were to attend a Muggle school until she's old enough to go to Hogwarts.” Those were her words and a part of Ron knew that she was right, but another part of him wanted her raised the way he had been; home-schooled with an attentive, caring mother.

This had been an ongoing argument between the two of them from the time Julia was born until her first day of school at age six. Ron had finally agreed, albeit reluctantly, on one condition…that he be allowed to watch her everyday during her noontime recess. Luna agreed, sure that once he saw the benefits of her education, he would relax and allow her to enjoy herself without having to be under her father's watchful eye.

And so, from the very first day she attended school, Ron made sure his noontime break coincided with hers. He would always stand a good distance away, close enough that he could watch her yet far enough that the other kids wouldn't tease her about his presence. Once in a while he would wave when he saw her check to see that he was there.

He watched as she became more and more outgoing as each day she continued to make new friends. She was a wonderful little girl with a perfect blend of her mother's carefree, often dreamy nature and his sense of humor and adventure. He couldn't have been more proud of her and he always made sure she knew it.

Every night when he got home from work she would run into his arms and shout, “Did you see me today, daddy? Did you see what I did?”

Ron would laugh and hug her tight before he answered, “I saw you sweetheart. You made it all the way across the crossbars today didn't you? You were great.”

Whether it was learning how to swing herself high in the air or climbing the ladder to the slide without getting scared or crossing the finish line during a race, he always made it sound like she'd climbed the highest mountain or conquered a raging sea and she loved him for it. It made her want to tell him all kinds of tall tales about her adventures and he knew that if they had the time, he could listen to her stories for hours.

Inevitably though, Luna would enter the room and laugh at the two of them together before she would shoo her into the shower or sit her down to work on her homework.

Luna had just put their daughter in the bath when she returned to wrap her arms around him. “She really loves you, you know?” She said affectionately.

“I know. I can't believe how lucky we are.” Ron answered; a look of pride and love for both his wife and daughter reflected openly on his face. He bent to kiss her and she hungrily kissed him back. After what felt like an eternity he reluctantly pulled back from her and looked into her eyes. “I love you, Luna,” he said huskily.

“I love you too, Ronald,” she said before she kissed him again and then started to walk away to check on their daughter.

“Let me get her,” he said as he gently grabbed her arm and pulled her back against him.

“All right, Ronald, but don't let her splash around too much in there,” she playfully chided. “I'm not sure I've gotten all the water cleaned up from your last water fight.”

Ron laughed and kissed her again. “All right, party pooper. I'll just get her out then,” he said as he started to walk away. “Where's the fun in that?” She heard him mutter when he thought he was far enough away from her.

Luna just stood there and laughed as she watched him walk away; mentally preparing herself for the mess she would soon be cleaning up in the bathroom.

Surprisingly Ron did just as he said he would and he got her right out of the bathtub and dried off and dressed. When they finished he took her into the living room where the tickle fight began. He knew all the really sensitive places that would have her howling with laughter and he loved nothing more than the ringing sounds of it as it echoed around their flat. Within minutes Luna was placing a silencing charm around the living room so they wouldn't disturb the neighbors or cause the ringing in her ears to start. She loved watching them play and her habit had been to just sit back with a cup of tea and do just that. She always had to break it up about an hour before Julia's bedtime so she would have time to read and calm down before having to go bed.

Eventually, she broke the charm and entered the living room, hating to have to break up their play. “All right you two. It's time for someone to start getting ready for bed.”

“But I'm not tired,” Ron whined as he exchanged glances with Julia.

Julia placed her hands on her hips, roll her eyes, smacked her lips, and said, “I don't think she's talking about you daddy.”

“You don't think so, sweetheart?” He replied right before she ran back into his arms for one last round of tickles before she went to pick out a book to read.

While they were reading, Ron sat nearby with his supper and listened to the story as well. Julia had learned to read not too long before so she and Luna would take turns and Ron loved to watch them together. Occasionally, one of them would tell the other a made up story and more often then not, Julia would want to hear about the Crumple-Horned Snorkack or some other fantastical beast that only her mommy could properly describe…her daddy wasn't very good at those kinds of stories and her aunt Hermione was even worse, so she always begged her mum to tell her about them.

When the story was finished Julia brushed her teeth and the three of them headed off to her room for hugs and kisses before they tucked her in.

“Night-night, daddy,” she said. “I love you.”

“Night-night, sweetheart, I love you, too.”

“I love you more.” She answered back quickly. It had become a game between them to see who could say it first and more often then not, she won.

“Oh! You got me again, squirt,” he said laughing.

“Good night, honey,” Luna said. “We'll see you in the morning.”

“'Night, mommy, I love you.” Julia answered with a yawn.

“I love you too, baby. Now get some rest. Sweet dreams.” Luna said before she and Ron walked out the door to prepare for the next day.

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Ron had to get to work early the next morning and he barely had time to kiss his girls and say goodbye before he had to apparate away.

The day had been hectic and he was angry when he arrived near the end of Julia's recess instead of the beginning as was his normal routine. He couldn't apparate to the school so he always apparated home and then walked the rest of the way. Normally Luna was home when he arrived but today she was nowhere to be found and Ron had little time to contemplate her whereabouts, he was already late so he rushed out the door and ran the distance to the school.

When he got to his normal spot something about the scene before him was different and he felt a sudden, overwhelming tension in the pit of his stomach. He looked closely at the crowd gathered around the crossbars. Is that Luna? He wondered as he saw a woman that looked remarkably like her running up to the crowd and falling down to the ground. He panicked as an unknown force seemed to pull him forward against his will.

Everything seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time and he was desperately afraid of what it all might mean. It took him a moment to realize that he was now running toward the gathered crowd and he was barely able to stop his momentum as they suddenly parted and he heard the unmistakable sound of his wife's cries. He saw the look of devastation on her face and his eyes dropped down to rest upon the lifeless form of his beloved Julia lying on the ground in front of her.

He somehow managed to take the few remaining steps forward before he collapsed on the ground next to them. He immediately began to shake his baby girl in a desperate attempt to wake her up. “Come on sweetheart, it's me, daddy. Wake up baby,” he pleaded. “Can you wake up for me Julia? It's okay, it's me, daddy.”

Luna placed her hand over his to make him stop. Her tears were falling faster and she was unable to speak so she shook her head, telling him without words that they were too late.

Ron could not, would not believe it and he shook her hand off his. “No,” he yelled at her. “No.” He tried to shake her again as he continued to speak, “She's fine. She's just sleeping. She's fine,” he kept insisting. Whether it was to console her or just himself Luna wasn't sure, but she had to find a way to make him stop.

“Pick her up, Ronald,” she somehow managed to say.

He looked at her, silently pleading with her to tell him that everything would be all right; that his baby was going to be fine. She understood his message and shook her head. “Pick her up, Ronald,” she repeated.

Numbly Ron placed his arms under her body and lifted her. Her head rolled back and finally his tears began to fall. He fought through his pain to hold on to her as he stood. He looked at Luna for direction. “Home,” she said softly.

The crowd that had once again gathered around them, parted and watched through their tears as Ron and Luna slowly made their way home with their daughter.

They walked in agonizing silence until they entered their flat and Ron finally found his voice, “What happened?”

Luna took a deep breath and sighed before she answered, “She was playing on the bars and somehow she slipped. Her head hit the ground too hard and…and…” Fresh tears began to fall and she could no longer speak.

Ron laid her body on the couch and a long, mournful cry escaped him. “Why?” He yelled out to the heavens, to Merlin, to anyone who might be listening. He placed his head against his daughter's stomach and let his tears soak through her clothes and stain the skin beneath.

When he felt the last of his tears subside he looked at her one more time and kissed her cheek. Without a word to Luna he ran out the door. He briefly noted that the sky had darkened as though it too was in mourning. He hoped that it would rain and wash away all the pain and sadness that had taken over every inch of his body and the whole of his heart.

He had no idea where he was going, he just ran. He didn't want to think; he didn't want to feel, he just wanted to run away.

When the pain in his chest became more than he could bear he was forced to stop; but stopping meant thinking and thinking scared the hell out of him. Before he could stop the memories from flooding him he fell down to the ground, remembering the day that Luna had told him that she'd finally gotten pregnant. It had taken them two years of trying and they'd nearly given up hope when they finally got the news. They were ecstatic and immediately they set about the task of decorating the baby's room. Her pregnancy had been hard on both of them and complications in the delivery room confirmed their fears that this would only happen once…Julia would be their only child.

From the moment he saw her he was head-over-heels in love with her. She was beautiful from the start and in that instant he had committed himself to her. He made a vow to himself that she would know what it was like to have two loving parents and that she would never go a day without knowing how much he loved her…and still she wouldn't; he would make sure of that.

Something drew him out of his reverie, he looked around and for the first time noticed the puddles that had formed on the ground around him. The rain had been falling consistently for some time and he hadn't felt it nor paid the slightest attention to it. His clothes were soaked and he suddenly realized that he was very cold so he slowly lifted himself up off the ground and tried to discern which way he needed to go in order to get back home.

When he finally recognized where he was, he tentatively took a step forward toward the last place he wanted be right now. He knew in his heart that he should be there for Luna but he was finding it difficult to focus his mind on what his heart was telling him. It was, after all, Luna's fault she was at that school…and his fault she'd died. He should have been there. “Why the hell wasn't I there?” He shouted. “What the hell was so important that it kept me from my baby?” He cried. He couldn't even remember anymore why he hadn't been there. It was something to do with work and whatever it was didn't matter at all. His life had ended the moment he saw her lying there, unmoving.

“I love you, daddy.” He heard her voice echoing around him.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” he answered.

“You know I still love you more.” He heard her say in response.

“Talk to me sweetheart,” he said. “I'll let you stay up late tonight if you want to talk, we won't tell mommy, and it'll just be our secret, okay?”

“Okay, daddy,” she said and he could hear that special `we've got a secret' giggle that made him tell her `secrets' all the time just so he could hear it. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything, sweetheart, just talk to me, okay? Always talk to me,” he said.

“Okay daddy.”

He heard her voice the entire time as he took the long, slow trek home. When he walked through the door he barely caught a glimpse of Harry and Hermione before Luna's arms were wrapped tightly around his neck. Instinctively he encircled her waist and pulled her tightly against him; her face buried in his neck. Neither of them spoke as they stood there holding tightly to all they had left…each other.

“I'm so sorry Luna,” Ron's voice broke the silence.

She pulled away from him with a look of surprise. “Whatever for Ronald? You didn't do this,” she replied.

“But I wasn't there,” he whispered hoarsely. “I should have been there and I wasn't.”

“Ronald, listen to me,” she said as she turned his head, forcing him to look at her. She looked directly into his eyes before she spoke, “You can't blame yourself for this. Even if you'd been there it wouldn't have changed anything. The impact was too great. The moment she hit the ground it was too late. Even if you'd been there you couldn't have prevented it. Please, Ronald, don't do this to yourself…don't do this to us.”

He looked at her with deadened eyes. He reached up and gently grabbed her hands from around his neck and brought them together to his chest. “I love you, Luna,” he whispered before he let her go and walked away to his daughter's room.

She looked pleadingly at Harry and Hermione. No one had ever understood Ron better and she wanted so desperately for one of them to make it all right. She lost her little girl and she would die if she lost him too.

Harry nodded and stood up to follow him. He paused when he got to the door. What the hell? He thought. He placed his ear to the door and listened closely. He could hear Ron talking and laughing as though he was in there with Julia. He decided the best thing to do was to let Ron have this time. He would try to talk to him later.

Julia's body had already been taken to The Burrow. Molly had already begun attending to the preparations for the funeral. She had insisted on going to Ron and Luna's flat but Luna had miraculously convinced her that now was not a good time and asked her to please attend to Julia while she and Ron talked. It was right after they came for her body that she called Harry and Hermione and asked them to come, to be there for Ron. They wasted no time in getting there and had actually spent a great deal of time with Luna as they awaited Ron's return.

Luna had told them what happened and how by the time she got there it was already too late, there was nothing that the Muggle doctor could do for her and they were too late to get her to a healer…they couldn't raise the dead anyway.

Harry returned a little too quickly and Hermione looked at him questioningly. “What's wrong? Why are you back so soon?” She asked worriedly.

Harry wasn't sure how much he should say so he told a partial truth, “Ron was in Julia's room so I decided to let him be for a little bit so he could come to terms with what's happened on his own. I don't think he'd be too keen on company in there right now.”

Hermione nodded and moved closer to him to lay her head on his shoulder. They had both spent a lot of time in tears since Luna had first told them and thankfully, at the moment, they were dry as they tried to be strong for Luna. She looked at Luna who still hadn't moved from the spot by the door where Ron had left her. “Tell us what you want us to do Luna,” Hermione said gently. “Do you want us to stay or go; we'll do whatever you need.”

“Stay, please,” she answered vaguely. “I'll be back.” She walked in the direction of Julia's room to check on her husband.

“Ron?” She called out softly as she opened the bedroom door. She saw him sitting on her bed, holding tightly to their daughter's favorite stuffed animal. “Ron, talk to me.”

Ron looked at her with the same deadened eyes and somehow managed to smile. “It's going to be all right Luna. Julia said she's fine. She told me to tell you not to worry.” He looked at her questioningly. “Do you remember the veil?” He asked.

“Veil?”

“Yeah, the veil. The one at the Department of Mysteries. Remember you and Harry heard voices?”

Luna slowly nodded her head as she tried to comprehend where he was going with his questions.

“Do you think I could hear her there? I mean, better than I can here?” He asked.

“No, Ronald, I don't think you can,” she answered as the pain in her heart swelled once more.

“Oh,” he said as if that were enough for him. Somehow she knew it wasn't and her concern for him increased a thousand-fold. “Then I'll just have to talk to her here, won't I?”

Luna knew, after experiencing the death of her mother that she needed her own time to grieve. She'd seen the devastation in her father as he continued to put his own grief aside so he could be there for her; it was the same thing she would do now for Ron. Someday she would mourn the loss of her beloved angel; today however, would not be that day.

She saw the faraway look in his eyes and she knew that, naturally, he was thinking of her; remembering their tickle fights and water fights. Her stories and her hugs and her kisses, and the dreamy look she'd get in her eyes as her mommy told her about all the creatures they would one day find together.

She could no longer stand to see that nothing look in his eyes. Already it was more than she could bear. “Ronald look at me,” she demanded. When he didn't move she tried again a little louder, “Look at me Ronald.” Finally, after a moment's hesitation he looked vacantly up at her. “Look at me Ronald and tell me what you see,” she said tearfully.

Ron couldn't answer so he simply stared.

“She's gone, Ronald, my arms are empty. I've lost our little girl…” she lowered herself down in front of him and his eyes moved to lock with hers, “…please don't make me lose you too.”

“Time, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Give me time.”

Luna nodded and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Instinctively he reached up and placed his hand over the spot before he looked at her. The smallest trace of life reflected briefly in his eyes giving her an inkling of hope that he would not leave her forever.

Quietly she stood and walked out of the room.

His hand still on his cheek, he smiled and whispered, “Just talk to me sweetheart, it'll be our little secret.”

“I love you more,” echoed quietly throughout the room.

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