Moments

Suffering138

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 30/01/2005
Last Updated: 10/02/2005
Status: in_progress

Ever had a moment?

Chapters

1. Fallen

2. My Skin

1. Fallen

Moments

Chapter 1: Fallen

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

She took my hand and whispered that it would be okay. She said everything would work out in the end. And I believed her.

Because she was my love.

She took my hand and told me that I didn't have to fight anymore; that I could rest. And I believed her.

Because she was my love.

But then she let go of my hand. And I lost my peace. I lost my rest.

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Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

I will never forget that night. The night where my world ended. The night where I lost everything. It is burned into my memory, always there, repeating over and over in my mind.

I know now, what I did not know then. I am wiser now, four years removed. But this knowledge means nothing. It cannot help me. It will not help me. Wiser now, but still stupid. Still naïve.

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Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

The moment where my world was whole. The moment you know you will never reach again, and will spend the rest of your life trying to reach again.

Funny, how everything seems clearer now, when the pain is the greatest. I suppose that's okay. It's good to understand everything before you can't understand anything.

This world has no need of me and I of it.

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Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

She took my hand, and with it, my heart. She made everything okay. She made me believe that everything would turn out alright.

She took my hand, she told me that I would be able to rest. That I would not have to fight anymore.

And I believed her.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the song “Fallen” by Sarah Mclachlan

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2. My Skin

Moments

Chapter 2: My Skin

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand

These hands. They've done so much. The fingers are calloused around the knuckles, especially the pointer finger. That's what happens when you hold a wand for 10 years. And a broom. But they are familiar. And they are safe.

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them

Turning the hand over, I look at the back of it. There are fine lines there, scar trails, new and old. They are the last remaining piece of a life better left forgotten, and of a life that will always be remembered. They say a person can be read through their hands. Each facet of their life revealed. And I am beginning to believe that.

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

There was a time when these hands were innocent, and pure. When they had no blood on them, no lines of guilt, no scars. Were we ever that young?

Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart

Darkness took the innocence, replacing it with the scars, the lines. Hatred took the purity, replacing it with guilt, and sacrifice. But through it all, they remain home. They remain safe. A place of haven, of peace.

They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them

Who are we to deny this person their rest? He cannot sleep, fearing the dark that comes with the night. The shadows cast by his interminable light. But nor can he stay awake, because of his guilt.

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable

His life has been ridiculed and hailed. For years he endured the adoration and hatred of the public. All without protest. He ignored the people who said he was wrong, that he was delusional. He knew who he was. And he knew he was right.

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

He has done it. In the dead of winter, it is over. At last he can rest. I sit here, holding his hand, praying to whatever God there is to please, just let him rest.

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

After years of nightmares, of sadness and depression and anger, he can finally sleep. I murmur to him that it's over. That he no longer has to fight and watch people die. To watch as that demented man tortured and killed those he loved.

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this

I sing my favorite song to him as he sleeps. He smiles a smile I have not seen in far too long. It is the smile of an 11-year-old boy discovering his home. Of a 12-year-old boy returning home.

I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable

But now he will be lost. He has lost his purpose, his reason. He said so himself, “What else am I good for?” I couldn't respond, not to that. I would not lie to him. He deserves better. He has earned better.

Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?

He whispers a name, and I am taken aback. “Mom…” A tear creeps its way down his face, and my hand comes up automatically to brush it off. On impulse, I lean over and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, brushing his hair away. He smiles his smile again.

Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them

I will not leave him. He has stayed with me through thick and thin, how can I do any less? I pray that I may be able to do that for the rest of my life. And I pray that I will be able to do that for the rest of his.

O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this

He has been so strong for all of us. He is a hero in the eyes of the people. But to me, to his friends, he is still human. With all the flaws and imperfections that we have. No one else can see it. The normality that he seeks, the peace that he desires.

I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this

My song continues and his smile follows suit. I reflect on everything that has happened since I walked into this man's life. I would not wish this life on anyone else, but it has made him who he is today. The man he is today.

Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving

These hands have done so much. And we owe our lives to them and to the man that controls them. They are the hands of a hero. The hands of our savior. When he wakes, he will once again be forced to resume that life.

You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch your death
O, I mean this

O, I mean this

But for right now, they are just the hands of a man.

Of Harry.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the song “My Skin” by Natalie Merchant

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