How is it you know?

A/N: Hello everyone this is a one shot that I wrote some time ago and was finally able to get beta'd. To those who read my other fic Surprise of a Life Time I will hopefully be updating that soon with a new chapter. I hope you all enjoy this little story and don't forget to review! Please!!

How is it you know?

How is it you know you're in love with best friend or anyone for that matter? Is it the same for everyone? Do you just wake up one morning and know? Or is it that they do something they have always done and yet some how this one time it's different?

I have to say that the last one is what happened to me. I fell in love with my best friend and I don't think it was something that `just happened'. I think this has been building inside me for quite some time that I, somehow, have been oblivious to. And now in that one moment I realized it.

The oddest thing was, I thought that if, or when, I fell in love it would be some magical moment. Loads of sparks, candles, and roses, not Harry telling me I had studied too much and need to get out of the library. It was the simple act of grabbing my hand. When I looked up to protest the look in his eyes somehow, even though I had seen it before, made my insides turn to goo.

I left my books and notes as he dragged me out of the library for a walk around the lake. His hand was still holding mine, for fear, I think, that if he did let go I would run back to the library to study some more. But little does he know that's the last thing on my mind right now. I just stared at our joined hands as he walked us through the castle. His hand was larger then mine but not to the point it over powered it. It was just…right.

That's when I noticed a lot of things about Harry were just right. He was tall, but not too tall that I could rest my head on his shoulder with out trouble. His frame was thin due to the lack of food growing up but it was perfect for me to wrap my arms around. He was perfect, just right for me.

And even though that thought scared me, it comforted me too.

As we step outside into the cool night air I start to wonder if Harry has noticed the same things that I just had. If he had he wasn't letting on.

I could see his face perfectly in the full moon light. The wrinkles, that made him look older than he was, graced his brow due to the stress of school and saving the wizarding world and the scar, that infamous scar that had caused more trouble and pain then it would ever be worth. The way the light breeze blew his already messy hair and how the moonlight gave his black hair a flame blue tint.

I start to wonder when the last time we did this because it had been far too long.

Then I realized, like a bolt of lighting striking me, it was the night my parents were killed. The night I ran out of Dumbledore's office not wanting to believe what I had just heard and not caring that people were calling after me.

I had run out to the other side of the lake. I don't know how long I was there slowly rocking myself back and forth when Harry showed up.

“I'm sorry.” Harry said softly.

Tears sprang to my eyes as the sob I had been hold onto finally burst lose from my throat. I saw Harry turn to walk away when I reached out to grab his pant leg.

“Please don't leave Harry. I can't lose you tonight too.” I begged.

Harry sat down beside me and carefully gathered my weak body into his arms. Hugging me like there was no tomorrow, telling me he knew how it felt, and apologizing for something that wasn't his fault.

“You didn't do this Harry.” I mumbled into his shoulder as I cried.

“But if you weren't my friend then this wouldn't have happened.” He said quietly.

“We don't know that for sure. They were muggles Harry they could have been killed anyway.”

I felt Harry nod slowly. “But….”

“No buts Harry. I can't go back and change what happened and neither can you. I would have become your friend even if I knew this was going to happen.”

Harry pushed me back abruptly to look me in the eyes.

“No you wouldn't. No one would.” The last bit was very quite as he spoke it.

“How do you know what I would or wouldn't do? You're not in my head.” I spat angrily.

“No one would give up their family for me, not even you.”

It was then that I saw the little boy who had been locked in the cupboard under the stairs all his life. The boy who had been told he wasn't worth the air he breathed or wasn't worth love of any kind. At that moment I don't think I've hated anyone more in my life. I wanted to get up a go to the Dursleys and curse them into nothing for doing this to Harry.

“I would Harry because there is nothing more important in my life then you.” I said softly as I forced Harry to look at me. He looked quite shocked by my statement, so was I for that matter.

He didn't want to believe me. I could tell by the look in his eyes. But it was the truth. Yes I loved my parents and I hate that they're gone but that is life. People die everyday parents lose children, children lose parents, husband lose wives, wives lose husbands, it's a never ending circle that I am apart of now and will be again someday.

I lift my hand and let my forefinger trace down Harry's jaw line that had lost most, if not all, its baby fat. I watch his eyes close as I trace that troublesome scar on his forehead before I trace the out line of his lips.

I push his glasses into his hair as I kiss his forehead, scar, eyelids, nose, cheeks, chin, and then softly and ever so slowly his lips. I kissed him light to let him know that I'd always be there for him as a friend, as support. As I pull back from his lips I wrap my arms around him and hug him as tightly as I could.

Harry said nothing just pulled me into his arms tightly. Hugging me like there was no tomorrow.

I don't know how long we sat there like that. Or when I had started crying again and then stopped to only start up again .Or when I fell asleep. I know I woke up the next morning in Harry's bed with the clothes I had on the night before and Harry in a chair next the bed asleep watching over me.

As I came back to the present I realized we never talked about that night. Not to anyone not even each other.

“I wonder what Remus is doing tonight.” Harry said breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Well hopefully not killing anyone.” I said lightly causing Harry to laugh.

“Here let's sit here for a bit.”

Harry pulled me to the ground with him and I see that we're in the same spot we were so many months ago.

“How are you doing?” Harry asked me.

I looked out to the lake watching the moon reflect off the water. “Better.”

“It's been six months and then two since.” Harry voice broke.

“I know I miss him too. But it's been two months since you won.” I said softly.

“You know you're the only thing I have left.” Harry said as he gripped my hand tighter.

“Ditto.”

I watched as Harry squinted his eyes as he look over the lake. “I love you.”

I can't say that I didn't see this coming. Well to tell the truth I figured it was coming after he said I was all he had left and that night out here so long ago.

“How long?” I had to know.

He didn't take his eyes off the water. “Fifth year at the Ministry of Magic when that curse hit you. I didn't know right away that's what I was feeling. I didn't even think I knew how to love. But that night when we were out here I think part of me knew then. After I killed Voldemort and found out Ron…didn't make it, I knew for sure.

“You were the first person I thought of when it was over. I had to know you were all right that you were safe and alive. Everything would be fine if you were okay.” Harry let out a harsh laugh as he buried his fingers in his hair. “How wrong was I? Everything wasn't fine. So many people had died and all I could seem to think about was finding you. I didn't care that there were still people fighting that there were people dying. I just had to find you. How self-centered was I?”

Harry stood abruptly letting go of my hand to throw a rock into the lake. I stood slowly and walked up behind him letting my arms wrap around his waist as my head rest on his back.

“Then I'm self-centered too.” I whispered quietly. “Harry when I saw you walking back to the castle alive I…I have never been so happy in my life. To know that you were alive and were going to be able to get married and have a family I just lost it. I ran to you not caring what was going on around me. It wasn't until we saw Ron's body did I come back to reality. I don't remember much after that. It's kind of a blur. But I do remember you held my hand the whole time. If you would have died too I don't think I would have made it.”

I felt Harry turn slowly and wrap his arms around me holding me close to him.

“I love you too Harry.” I mumbled into his chest.

He hugged me tighter to his chest. “How long?”

I laugh a little at the irony of it all. “Years maybe. I think more then likely the night my parents died was when the thought of living with out you became imposable. Really, really knew I was in love with you with out a doubt when you pulled me from the library tonight.”

“Well at least you figured it out before I told you.” Harry said as he laughed lightly.

“I think I've always know it would be you Harry. You've been one of the most important things in my life for the past almost seven years.”

“You've told me that before.” Harry laughed.

“Well I wasn't lying. I do love you Harry.” I say again.

“Good because I think it would be a lot harder to marry you if you didn't.”

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