Crossroads

Title : Crossroads

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books and Scholastic Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Author notes: I have written Ginny’s and Ron’s points-of-view. Here’s my take from Hermione’s side. A companion to “Lead Her To Me”.

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I’m standing here at a crossroad

I have a choice

A road less traveled

Or the road where no one dares enter

Which way should I go?

******

“Hermione, my dear,” Ron said. There it was again the perfunctory morning kiss and swift hug before we go to our breakfast at the Great Hall.

“Good morning, Ron” I replied. Have we really come down to this, to the complacent courtesy that we never have dreamt of coming into? “Good morning to you too,” I turned to Harry, and he just had this knowing and pained grin plastered on his face. How many times have we shared those pained looks after Ron and I shared a little affection, if you can call it that?

It has been eight months, two weeks, and four days since Ron and I have finally got together and told Harry about it. He was so happy for us, ecstatic that the rows will at last be over, which for him is getting quite old. A few weeks later, Harry too found his match in Ginny’s overzealous personality. Well, Ron said he needs someone cheerful, and I couldn’t agree more.

We became the chirpy couples facing dangerous times. Nothing can perturb us, not a single thing can break through the barrier that has enveloped us against the malice creeping in our world. But no one has noticed this silent storm looming from within. I felt it, we all did, I know. I sensed it easily, slowly gnawing our very core but I chose to ignore it.

Call it unconscious rebellion, wanting to defy the odds, or our bid to assert ourselves. We are all the same, afraid to face the truth.

“Hermione,” a faint voice intruded my silent soliloquy. “Are you all right?” Harry asked.

“I’m fine, thank you” I turned towards Ron, “Uhm, Ron, we need to – ”

“Talk,” yes he finished it for me. “I know. We’ll do it when the classes are over.” Ron stood up, looked at me knowingly and smiled. He can finish my sentences; we really belong together. However, what was that smile all about?

******

I found love. But why are there times I can’t breathe freely? Ron knows there is something wrong, and I can sense that he knows there is something wrong. He has figured it all out, why haven’t I? Someone else controls my very soul. He felt that presence… that presence of another. I can’t… I won’t accept it.

I know I am losing Ron, I can feel our love fading. He took my belief in love and handed them back to me broken, saying he can’t hold onto them anymore. Is this the end of it all?

How could he say I am sorry, when you know that sorry can never be enough? It is damn near impossible to bring things back the way they used to be. Still there are those who wish for them anyway. But the real question is, do I?

Some goodbyes are final, and this is one of them. Then I heard that sound… the sound of my heart breaking. The resonance is deafening, ringing to my ears, pounding on my chest. I left. I closed the door of the Room of Requirement and left Ron in there. I walked. The dam… it is about to break. My pace quickened. There it is… that other sound, the pieces… the pieces are beginning to crumble.

Hot tears... Quick... Be quick. One step, two steps, three steps. I began to run. I am running, running like I have never ran before. I don’t care where I am going. I just need to get out. Get out of this place. Then I passed him by, “Hermione!” Harry called. I didn’t bother to look… I can’t be bothered to look.

It is raining. Is it outside the castle or in my head? I don’t care. I ran and ran. I feel like a thousand rampaging hippogriffs are at my heels. I only stopped when I reached the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Only then did I felt the hard rain falling on my face. It is indeed raining.

Then I cried. I am crying and unaware of it. I cried out all the sadness trapped inside of me. I don’t care if anyone finds me here. I just cried, because the rain will drown my tears. I will howl, for all I care, because the wind will just blow them away. The coldness I can’t feel, because I am much colder inside.

Nothing matters right now. There is only the anger, the sadness and the confusion clouding my heart. Then that voice, “Hermione, what’s happening?” Harry soaked to the bones as I am. Is he always just a few steps behind? I don’t know, I never looked back. Can he see my tears? No, he can’t. Did he hear my cry? I don’t care, it doesn’t matter anymore. Nevertheless, he hugged me. He hugged me to give all the warmth I need.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me again.

“Just hold me, Harry. Just hold me.”

Only then did I realize, out there in the pouring rain, clinging desperately to a friend. I found love, and lost it. All the ambiguities, all the complexities, all the pain of not knowing what went wrong, are finally over. Despite of everything, I found home at last.

I can have a life again.

******

Here I am at another crossroad

Should I take the road up ahead

Or take the winding road

Give me time

Time to think

Help me

Help me find my way.

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fin