Voldemort's Journal

Artorius

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/02/2005
Last Updated: 11/02/2005
Status: completed

He-who-must-not-be-named learns that an open window into the soul of a teenage boy can cause an unintended flood of angst. One-shot.

Chapters

1. From the Pages of Voldemort’s Journal

1. From the Pages of Voldemort’s Journal

Wednesday, 9 October 1996

Potter likes a girl.

I can tell. I could feel his grief when Black died and I can feel the sickly sweet emotions now. His mind belongs to me.

This information may be useful. Whoever the girl is, she will be easier to take than he. Dumbledore may not even know, may not guard her properly. Yes, I must find a way to use this to my advantage. I must find out who she is.

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Sunday, 13 October 1996

Potter's been trying to learn occlumency. Probably that meddler Dumbledore has been teaching him. Brave Dumbledore, hiding behind a little boy…

But I can still see into his mind while he sleeps. Last night he was dreaming of a slight ginger girl. She was following him around and telling him how wonderful she thought he was. Bah… what rubbish. But the fire I could feel building in him while she talked… it must be her. She must be the one he wants.

She must be the little Weasley girl Wormtail told me about. I must take careful note of his dreams so as to find the perfect time to kidnap her.

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Tuesday, 15 October 1996

Perhaps I was mistaken. Last night Potter dreamt of a Chinese girl who chased him around on his broomstick. When she caught him, they tumbled into a field together for a snog. It must be her. There are only a few Chinese students at Hogwarts, she shouldn't be hard to find at all. My plan is unfolding, muahahahahaha…

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Wednesday, 16 October 1996

Who is the girl with the protuberant eyes? Why is he dreaming about her sneaking into his room at night? And what the hell is a snorkak?

This is ridiculous; he wants to shag every girl in that school. How is this love affair going to work if he keeps dreaming of other girls? How will my plan work?

While he was snogging her it felt like my wand was pressed up against my robes from the inside. It took me a moment to figure out what it was. I think Wormtail might have noticed. I should have blinded him…

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Saturday, 19 October 1996

DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN! I should have seen this coming.

He dreamt of that little mudblood Granger last night. He had her in his dormitory while all his friends were out. I was watching the dream unfold with great interest, trying to find some clue I could use against them, and before I knew what was happening…

Damn…

So I broke the connection, jumped up and did a cleaning charm on my robe. Of course Wormtail woke up and asked me what I was doing and I had to tell him it was none of his business and to go back to sleep or I'd use the Cruciatus curse on him again. I don't think he figured out what happened.

I have suffered great indignities, but it is not a wasted effort. She must be the one then. She will return home to her muggle parents, either at Christmas or over the summer, and then she will have no defense. I must make a plan.

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Wednesday, 30 October 1996

His dreams are making me sick.

“Oh, Hermione, I've wanted to tell you for so long…”

“Oh, Harry, thank you for saving my life again, fancy a quick snog?”

I was physically ill. Wormtail had to attend me.

He has no sense of propriety… no concept of proper courting… and to make it worse, he's still dreaming about all three other girls. He's going to foul this up, I can see it now. And before Christmas, to top it off.

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Thursday, 31 October 1996

Had a ritual that went long, so I missed the first part but when I came in, he was dreaming about Malfoy's son and the giant squid that lives in the lake. And they were together in a SEXUAL way! What kinds of perversions are going on at that school?

I'll have to tell Malfoy when I break him out… he'll be so enraged that…

Muahahahaha, it almost makes it worth having to watch that dream.

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Friday, 1 November 1996

He's made his decision. It's the mudblood. He's dreaming about her exclusively now. He's trying to decide how to tell her, how to make a move.

If he does it wrong she'll snap at him, break his heart. I couldn't care less about the boy's feelings, but if he hates her then it won't do a bit of good for me to abduct her. He'll just go to Dumbledore and he'll organize a rescue. But if he loves her, he'll go off himself, just as he did at the Department of Mysteries and I can spring my trap.

So how do I make sure he still loves her come Christmas?

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Sunday, 3 November 1996

He was dreaming of snogging the mudblood again, and I slipped up behind him.

“Don't just grab at her breasts, she won't like that. Be careful, gentle…” He listened; she liked it. I broke the connection before I fouled my robes again.

I can't believe I'm giving Harry Potter advice on snogging. How did I, the heir of Slytherin, the Greatest Wizard of My Era, come to this?

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Wednesday, 6 November 1996

Something is wrong. He hasn't dreamt of the bushy-haired one in three days. All he dreams about is Quidditch now.

What could have happened? Did they have a row?

Wormtail said he's sure the mudblood is enamored with the Weasley boy. This could be disastrous. My entire plan is in danger.

I could not eat; Wormtail was concerned.

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Thursday, 7 November 1996

All Quidditch dreams again, but this time I made my presence known.

When he reached out for the snitch I whispered to him, “You should tell her how you feel. Tell her you love her.”

He was confused. He thought the snitch was talking to him. He looked around, and then he saw the Chinese girl again.

“No, not her!” I whispered to him again. He looked around and saw the Weasley girl.

“No, not her either… the mudblood… I mean… the muggle-born one whats-her-name Granger… that one…”

He looked around for her, but then someone woke him up. The dream ended.

Was I too blatant? Did I reveal too much? What if I've scared him away?

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Friday, 8 November 1996

If Potter doesn't tell Hermione that he likes her, she's going to find someone else and then it will be too late.

Wormtail is sure she likes the Weasley boy and he says the Weasley boy likes her too. He talks about her in his sleep and mumbles her name when he touches himself. I didn't really want to know that part. I punished Wormtail for telling me.

And that's not the worst of it. My spies report that she is still corresponding with that Quidditch champion from Bulgaria. What if he makes his move? How could she not fall for him? He's a sports hero.

And Potter's still not dreaming about her. He's still dreaming about Quidditch. There must be a big match coming up or something. Wait… wasn't he banned from Quidditch? I hope he hasn't lost interest in the girl. I hope he hasn't lost interest in girls in general. What if he's gay?

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Saturday, 9 November 1996

He finally saw Hermione in passing in one of his dreams and I seized upon the moment.

“Go tell her you love her… you want to be with her…” I whispered.

But she was with the Weasley boy and they were talking. Potter wasn't sure what to do… I could feel guilt building in him. That's all he needs now is guilt. As if he doesn't have enough to worry about with me after him every minute, he has to feel guilty about liking his mate's girl on top of it.

There was no helping it, I pushed him, “She likes you, not him. Go make your move, sport.”

He did, somewhat, they talked for a moment and then she turned into a kneazle and scrambled away after a mouse. Damn existential dreams.

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Tuesday, 12 November 1996

I sent Potter a note through the owl post. It was a simple little thing, just a picture of a heart and a flower and signed “Your secret admirer.” I made Wormtail make it; I couldn't bear to.

It may backfire, I suppose, but at least it will get him thinking about romance again. How can someone dream of Quidditch so much? Doesn't he like girls anymore? When I was his age, I was dreaming about… well I don't want to dwell on that.

I hope he got the note. I wish I had someone there who would tell me what he did when he opened it, and how he looked. I wonder if he looked at Hermione. Alas, no spy at Hogwarts this year.

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Wednesday, 13 November 1996

My plan was successful. He dreamt of the mudblood last night and even better, he asked if the note was from her before giving her a wild shag over one of the armchairs in the Gryffindor common room. When he was done I knew he'd wake up right away, so I whispered to him, “You should tell her when you wake… don't leave it another day.”

Staying until the end made me mess my robe again though. I'm sure Wormtail noticed this time, he was right there, but he didn't say anything.

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Friday, 15 November 1996

The last two nights his dreams have been full of angst and distress. I know why. He wants to tell her but he doesn't know how. He already has strong emotions for her; love perhaps, but maybe just friendly affection. I'm not good with the squashy emotions.

This is my great adversary? He can't even muster the courage to talk to a teenage girl?

I asked Wormtail to get me one of those muggle self-help books on how to talk to women. I'm getting desperate.

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Saturday, 16 November 1996

Wormtail didn't buy the book. When I asked him why he said that he thought I had been joking. He knows I never joke. What's the matter with him? I used the Cruciatus curse and he ran right out and brought back three volumes.

“How to Talk to Women” looks the most promising and straightforward. I'm going to read that first and then “How to Make Women Like You”. I'm going to make Wormtail read “How to Shag a Supermodel” and give me a summary.

.

Monday, 18 November 1996

I think the muggle books helped, especially “How to Talk to Women”. I'm going to start giving him tips in his dreams. I hope he remembers them when he wakes up. He's back on a Quidditch theme again.

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Wednesday, 20 November 1996

By all that is dark and unholy, does the boy have no balls?

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Thursday, 21 November 1996

The term is going to end soon and he still hasn't said anything to her. He'd better move fast or that Weasley boy is going to get her and that will ruin everything. I wish I could just send him “How to Talk to Women” but that would be too blatant. Potter is too thick to wonder about it, but Dumbledore might see it arrive and he'd figure out my plan. Or worse, Granger would see him with it and have a laugh at his expense.

Just do something, boy, say SOMETHING. It's just men and women, boys and girls, that's all it is. It's been going on for centuries. It's not that difficult, just talk to her about something other than your homework.

It reminds me of my school days. I was never good at talking to women because I was always too interested in the dark arts. There was that one girl I thought about but never had the courage to approach. She was pretty, in a shy, mousy sort of way, but I loved her mind. She was the best student in the school, even better than me, but not by much.

I never approached her. She was in Gryffindor, and a couple years older. She was taller than me too, and it seems foolish, but that meant so much to me back then. Still, I kept track of her and she never married anyone else. If only I had said something… I wonder how that would have changed things. At least, perhaps, I wouldn't still be a virgin.

(Note to self: Remove this page from the journal and burn it when Wormtail isn't looking)

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Friday, 22 November 1996

<Page on the reverse side of 21 November, burned before being written on. No notes today.>

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Saturday, 23 November 1996

He said something to her. He must have. He's replaying the conversation over and over in his dreams and I'm giving him pointers. This could be good. This could be very good.

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Sunday, 24 November 1996

I think they went to Hogsmeade together. I had a spy there who said they were walking alone near the Shrieking Shack. Why would they go out there except to be alone for a snog or something? My spy didn't follow them any further than that because he said he'd have been obvious. Damn.

They weren't holding hands though. That doesn't sound good. If they liked each other they'd be holding hands, wouldn't they? If I liked a girl, I'd hold her hand and then she'd know I liked her.

But at least she wasn't there with Weasley or Krum. Yes, I think it's good news. Them alone together at all is good news.

Maybe I should start slower with him and tell him to hold her hand next time he sees her. Yes, that might be a good idea.

Wormtail has been trying to talk to me all day about organizing the operation at the Granger house. I told him to figure it out on his own, there's no plan if I can't get them to fall in love.

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Monday, 25 November 1996

I intruded on another Quidditch dream. This time he thought the broom was talking to him.

“You have to tell Hermione you like her or she's going to end up with the Weasley boy.”

“What?” he looked around, not sure why his broom was telling him this.

“Hermione. You have to make a move on Hermione.”

“We're just friends…” he started.

“That's the last thing you want,” I whispered, “You like her as more than a friend and you know it.”

“OK, well yeah,” he said.

“You have to say something before it's too late. You're not the only chap in her life you know. What about Viktor Krum? He's gorgeous isn't he?”

Potter gulped, “Yes, yes he is.”

“Well, if she leaves over Christmas and goes to see him, you know what will happen.”

He looked uncertain, “I think she… I think…”

“Just listen to me. Girls like confidence and resolve. They like a man who takes charge, but they don't like one who tries to run their lives. Don't mention Krum or Weasley to her, just get her alone and talk. Maybe hold her hand for a little while, that will get her thinking about you a different way.”

“But Ron… “

“Don't worry about him,” I said, “She's carrying a torch for you, not him.”

“How do you know?” he asked.

”Uh… a broom can tell these things.” I whispered. I really have no idea if she likes Weasley or Krum or Potter, but I needed to push him in the right direction.

He woke up then. I hope the message got across.

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Tuesday, 26 November 1996

It worked I think. I could feel joy beaming off of him. I think they talked and I think he told her and I think she took it well. No dreams last night though, maybe he didn't sleep.

My plan is coming to fruition. His feelings for her are strong enough that he will jump to save her when the time comes.

Looked for Wormtail to ask him how the plans were unfolding at the Granger house but couldn't find him. Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I saw Wormtail. I'm sure he'll be back though.

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Wednesday, 27 November 1996

Oh, this is too much to hope for. I think they were snogging all Monday night. I caught glimpses of it in his dreams, but he was so tired he kept drifting out of them. Oh, this is wonderful! Soon my scheme will be complete, muahahahaha!

Wormtail is back. He says the plans are proceeding well, but he needs to brew a few more batches of polyjuice potion. I gave him access to my stores.

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Thursday, 28 November 1996

They did a lot of snogging again last night. Unforeseen side effects though.

I haven't felt this way since my fifth year at Hogwarts. When I would think about her… The way her hair would look on summer days. And how she carried herself, always proper, but with that sexy walk that made me remember she was a woman. Always with a half-dozen books under her arm though.

Why didn't I say something then? Fifty-four years of happiness I could have had.

No, it wouldn't have worked out. She wouldn't have spoken to me at all. She would have laughed in my face and called me a harsh name. After I opened the Chamber and killed that mudblood girl, it was too late. I had chosen my path, and it did not lie with her, or with any other woman.

Still, I wish I had at least tried. I should have written her a poem or something.

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Saturday, 30 November 1996

Ow, ow ow.

Damn that little mudblood! She won't let him finish while he's awake and now when he goes to bed it feels like a hammer banging against his crotch… and mine. Three nights in a row now. I can still feel the ache after I break the connection.

The indignities I suffer for my plans… I wonder if Wormtail has any ice. Where is Wormtail?

.

Thursday, 5 December 1996

I think they might be getting ready to shag. For two nights now something has been… relieving… him before he comes to bed and he's still dreaming about her. It would be ideal if she would let him have a go just before she leaves for Christmas break. That way he's sure to pursue at the slightest sign of trouble.

Found myself looking out the window at the snow today. It was falling so evenly across the meadow outside that it made me want to just run out and play in it. Wormtail stopped me, saying I might be seen. Not sure what came over me.

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Sunday, 8 December 1996

Spent the day sprucing up the cabin. Conjured some flowers to brighten the place a little. As we move into winter like this, Wormtail and I need something to cheer us a bit.

That reminds me, where is Wormtail?

Oh, I think Potter might have shagged her last night.

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Tuesday, 10 December 1996

Term is almost over. They're completely in love. I'm so happy for them…

Wait… did I write that I was happy for them? Well I'm not. I'm happy for me, the heir of Slytherin, the Greatest Wizard of My Era whose plans will soon come to fruition with the destruction of his foretold enemy.

Can't help but wonder who conjured all these butterflies in here. Was it me? I don't remember doing it. They are lovely though.

Where the hell is Wormtail?

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Friday, 13 December 1996

Well, that's it for the school term. And for my plan.

She headed home on the Hogwart's Express and he went with her. They're spending the holidays with her parents together. So, Dumbledore has their house under twenty-four-hour guard from his cronies. He's erected an anti-apparating charm, bound all harmful magic and even blocked their fireplace. The place is impregnable.

Damn damn damn damn damn.

I picked up a muggle tabloid yesterday and, just as I suspected, one of those “supermodels” has a new boyfriend. He's six foot two and terribly handsome. That's where the polyjuice potion went then.

I'll kill him for abandoning me in my hour of need.

But not yet. No, today I think I'm going to write a poem. I'm going to write what I should have written fifty-four years ago.

I think I might even send it to her. Won't she be surprised?

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