Gifts and Curses

RuTHLESS

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 24/02/2005
Last Updated: 14/12/2005
Status: completed

At a young age, Harry was cursed, but gifted at the same time. She was another gift to him. But because of his curse, he couldn't have her. With his curse gone, he could now have the chance he always wanted. A chance with her.

Chapters

1. Gifts and Curses

2. Someone to Die For

3. Ruthless

1. Gifts and Curses

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with it. I also do not own the song "Gifts and Curses" off the Spiderman 2 soundtrack, Yellowcard does.

Gifts and Curses

Chapter One

Gifts and Curses

I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her

But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore

Why did I say all those things before?

I was sure?

Harry had billions of thoughts swimming through his head. All of them focused on one thing, one person: Her. She wasn't here, not as they had planned. He had expected her to wait, expected her not to rush him. And then, he’d said those stupid things, all of those stupid things.

It was time for the final battle, or at least, it would be soon. He’d told her that it would be all right, that he would keep her safe, but she couldn't stay; too many had already died, and she was scared to death. She couldn’t stand seeing the ones she loved die.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,

(She is the one), and I have to fight this,

(She is the one), a villain I can't knock down.

She was the one for him; they were meant to be together, but she knew that the fate of the wizarding world, and even the muggle world, rested in his hands. He had been sent to destroy evil. Ironically, the one evil he couldn't defeat was from the power she held over him. He tried to get her to stay, yet again, but it didn't work; she refused to stand around and watch those she loved die . . . especially him.

She is alive in the bright New York sky,

The city lights shine for her, above them I cry for her

Everything's small on the ground below, down below

What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

Her leaving was the worst thing to happen to him — ever. She moved to another city, another continent even! She transferred to some American school, and it broke him. He didn’t know when, or if, she would return. For all he knew, she had found someone else, someone to replace him.

But that wasn’t what really bothered him; what bothered him was the thought that she wouldn’t know if anything had actually happen to him. And even if she did know, would she care? Would she just mourn over him for a few days and get back to her normal life, or would she mourn for the rest of her life?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,

(She is the one), and I will be haunted,

(She is the one), this gift is my curse for now

She had been all that was left that made him happy. She really was all that he had wanted. And she really did haunt him. He felt as if it was his fault she had left, like he had driven her away. But he didn't know the half of it and probably never would.

He was chosen to be the only person with the gift to destroy the worst evil the earth had seen, ever . . . his power, his gift, his curse. A curse that made it so he couldn’t be with the one person who had accepted him for who he was, and had loved him for it at the same time. She didn’t care that he was the Famous-Boy-Who-Lived; she didn’t care that he had grown into a handsome young man. Caring about such things was shallow, and Hermione wasn’t shallow.

As for the title the “Famous-Boy-Who-Lived” . . . that should have been changed to the “Famous-Boy-Who-Was-Cursed-To-Save-The-World-But-Couldn’t-Get-The-Girl-Of-His-Dreams-Because-Of-It”. Sure, it was a bit long, but that was something he could live with. He was, after all, the Boy-Who-Lived; though, he would rather be the Boy-Who-Lived-And-Ended-Up-With-The-Love-Of-His-Life.

I see your face with every punch I take,

And every bone I break, it's all for you

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

Still I will always fight on for you

And then it came, his final battle with Lord Voldemort. Every member of the Order, everyone that was left, had joined the fight. Even Ron had fought by his side. There had only been one person missing: Her.

They all knew now that there really were things worth dying for. For Harry, Hermione was one of those things. Every time he had hit someone, every time he’d cursed someone, one thought went through his mind . . . “This is for Hermione.”

He hadn't known why he did this. All the emotional wounds she had left, he had trouble getting over them. Actually no, he still hadn’t gotten over them. But even so, he had fought for her. She truly was the reason he’d kept going, even after being severely injured. He had known that he’d never get another chance to destroy Voldemort . . . just like he would never get another chance to get her back.

He hadn't used his wand to kill Voldemort; no, he’d done it the old fashioned way; he had beaten him to death. Every punch, every hit, every move he made was for Hermione. It hadn't mattered how badly injured he’d gotten or how many bones he’d broken, he’d continued with his battle.

I see your face with every punch I take,

And every bone I break, it's all for you

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

Still I will always fight on for you

Even at the beginning of the battle, he’d thought of her . . . from the first curse he had thrown at Malfoy, Sr. to the last punch. Then, he came — the cause of Hermione’s anxiety: Dolohov. After that curse Dolohov had hit her with, at the end of fifth year, her life had become a mess; she had always been watching her back, afraid.

Harry hadn't even thought of using his wand, he’d gone straight for Dolohov's neck, causing them both to topple over; and every punch Harry had thrown, he’d imagined Hermione’s body lying on the floor, unconscious. This was the person, no, thing that had driven Hermione into running and hiding. He’d taken Harry’s fun-loving, rule-breaking, slightly bookish Hermione away from him. She had left because of Dolohov, and Harry had made him pay for it.

Now, more than ever, Harry couldn’t stand the fact that Hermione was gone. He had never told her how much he loved her. Hell, they’d never even talked about a relationship, really. They’d never made plans for their futures that involved each other; they hadn’t kissed; they hadn’t even had a date, not one! So, why was he doing this?

He didn’t even know if Hermione felt the same way he did. He just had a feeling, some kind of instinct that told him she did . . . but it didn’t matter if she didn’t love him the way he loved her; he had still fought for her, hoping, wishing, and praying that she did. And if she didn’t, he would just learn to deal with it, as long as she returned — as long as she was still in his life.

I see your face with every punch I take,

And every bone I break, it's all for you

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

Still I will always fight on for you

And when he’d finally vanquished Voldemort, when the evil that he’d been born to kill was finally gone, Harry’s fight still wasn't over. The war against evil may have been over, but his fight for love was still being fought. Should he love her, or should he not? He would, at nights, angrily punch his wall, over and over again. He’d ended up breaking his wrist one of the times, but he still kept punching the wall at night. Eventually, he’d collapse to the floor, but he hadn't given up; he would never give up — not on Hermione.

He knew she would be back . . . someday. . . .

Still I will always fight on for you

Fight on for you, fight on for you

He would always be fighting — fighting for her.

Someday . . .

2. Someone to Die For

Disclaimer: Besides the plot, and this pathetic space I call my room, I own nothing.

Gifts and Curses

Chapter Two

Someone to Die For

Before you landed

I had a will but didn't know what it could do

Hermione Granger had led your normal life . . . a normal Witches life, that is. She had a normal life. That was exactly it. That was the problem. She had planned her whole life out when she had received her letter to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She had been determined to meet all of her goals — but that was before him.

You were abandoned

And still you're handing out what you don't wanna lose

He was not your average Wizard. He was the Boy-Who-Lived! He had been the Wizarding World’s temporary savior. And he had been there for her whenever she had needed him. He’d given kindness and generosity that he had never felt, that no one in his family had given to him. He had been accidentally abandoned by his parents, and everyone in the Wizarding world had accepted this kind-hearted wizard with open arms, especially Hermione.

You make me drop things

Like all the plans I had for a life without you

She had planned her life out, only to have to scratch her plans and start from the beginning again. She hadn't planned to meet him on the Hogwarts Express that day. She hadn’t planned to become one of his closest friends. He had changed her life forever. He had really left a dent in her plans. She had moved all the way across the world because of him. She hadn't planned to be with him, and her new plans didn't include him either. The only problem was, every plan she had was achieved at the thought, "This is all for Harry."

Someone to die for

Someone to fall into when the world goes dark

Someone to die for

Someone to tear a hole in this sinless night

Someone like you

They would both, willingly, die for one another. Why? Neither could say. They hadn't really developed that whole 'relationship' thing before she left. He was the only person she would die for. Because whenever her world seemed to crumble around her, he always seemed to build it back up. He had always had time to listen to her, hear her problems. He always caught her when she fell. Always. And now, here she was, sitting in her dorm in another country, alone, with thoughts of him swarming her head. If only she hadn't been afraid to lose him. In the end, it hadn’t mattered. She had lost him anyway.

I'm drunk when sober

The room is spinning

You are what I hold on to

You're taking over

I find that giving in is the best I can do

She would find, at times, that she would wake up with an extreme headache, as if she had drunk a large quantity of alcohol the night before and passed out, even though she hadn't; it would be because she had been thinking of him again. Their last conversation would play in her head. . . . Play. Rewind. Play. Rewind. It was a constant thing at night. He was the thought that got her through life, day after day. She tried to deny it, but she still knew it was true. She loved him. But only her admitting it to him would clear her mind and make her truly happy.

Someone to die for

Someone to fall into when the world goes dark

Someone to die for

Someone to tear a hole in this sinless night

Someone like you

She missed him so damn much! Why did she leave again? Oh yeah, because she was afraid of losing him. Funny, the way life works, isn’t it? She was scared of losing him, so she left. She knew now that she needed him. Her world was in ruins around her, and there was no one else around to help pick up the pieces. Why couldn't she have just stayed? The pain from staying would have been a hundred times less than it had been from leaving. She tried to replace him by seeing other guys, but it never was the same. They had never gone out, anyway, and probably never would, but she had spent nights dreaming about what it would have been like. She wasn't really sure she was feeling love, but whatever it was, it sure as hell made her feel miserable.

Someone to die for

Someone to die for

Someone to die

Someone

Someone

Someone

She had spent hours at a time day-dreaming about him bursting through her door to rescue her, saving her from her own personal Hell. She often wondered whether or not he would have died for her. She sure as hell would have died for him. She always ignored these thoughts of him as best she could. It had all seemed so unreal when she had moved away. Everything was one big blur; weeks passed like hours. She wished she had one of those clocks Molly Weasley had, only with one hand for Harry on it (and much smaller). She would have brought it everywhere with her, constantly checking it. Also, it would have told her his mood and what he was doing at the time. She just needed something to tell her he was all right.

Someone to die for

Someone to fall into when the world goes dark

Someone to die for

Someone to tear a hole in this sinless night

Someone

Had he moved on? Was he still living? Hermione didn't contact anyone at all, so she didn't know. No one had tried to contact her either. But hadn’t she told them not to? The constant tape playing over in her head was as clear as it had been when she had left, but it seemed as if it wasn’t real, like she was watching someone else’s life. And they hadn’t even said goodbye to each other, at least, not her and Harry. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to. What if it had been their last conversation? She knew she wouldn’t have been able to live with herself if the last thing she’d said to him was goodbye. But she hadn’t heard anything at all. Surely, someone at her school would say something if Voldemort lived on or died. But no, her new school seemed to be dead. No news ever floated her way about a certain messy haired boy she knew.

She wanted to forget him, but could she? Would it work? Would she be able to forget him forever? That wasn't the biggest question, however; the biggest one was, “would he even care?”

Someone like you

3. Ruthless

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter or "Ruthless," by Something Corporate.

Gifts and Curses

Chapter Three

Ruthless

You're waving goodbye,

but the rising tide will not let you forget me

Forget me

It won't be the last time she'll ignore me

You're waving goodbye,

but the rising tide will not let you forget me

Forget me

The second that Hermione Granger had boarded the boat that had brought her to New York, Harry Potter knew it would be one hell of a long time before he saw her again. Actually, he wasn't sure he ever would see her again. And even if he did, would she remember him?

Well, of course she would! How could she forget him when she had known him almost half of her life? That’s, of course, unless she wanted to forget him.

And actually, she did want to forget; she just couldn't forget him. It was not possible for her to forget someone she loved that much.

And as she boarded the boat a day after she had told them she wasn't returning to Hogwarts, she waved goodbye to them. Harry could remember the look on her face when the boat pulled away. . . .

(Flashback)

Hermione pulled her trunk along with her into the boat. She had an uncertain look on her face. About twenty minutes later, the boat started to leave the dock.

She had said her goodbyes and given hugs to those who had come to see her off. The longest hug she had given was to Harry, but she hadn't said goodbye to him; she had simply said, “I'll see you soon.” She didn't smile at him as she walked away . . . didn't make eye contact with him. She just walked away from him and onto the boat. Harry watched, as she waved at them from the edge of the boat with tears streaming down her face.

(End Flashback)

Forget me

And that image stayed in his head . . . her crying. Did she cry when she got there?

But as Hermione boarded the ship, the image in her head was of Harry's face . . .

(Flashback)

As Hermione gave Ron a hug, she looked over his shoulder at Harry, who was looking at her as if were the last time. Then she hugged Ginny, who was crying hysterically.

She said goodbye to them, and she went over to Harry. He pulled her into a tight hug. Just then, as they began to pull away from each other, the bell whistled from the ship, signaling that she had to board. She pulled away, and said, “I'll see you soon.” She couldn't say goodbye to him; it would have made everything final — Permanent. So she walked onto the ship, avoiding his gaze because she didn't want him to see that she had started to cry harder.

She stood on the upper deck of the ship, as it departed the dock, waving to Harry, Ginny, and Ron. Harry wore a look as if he were in physical pain.

(End Flashback)

Forget me

And for Hermione, that was the image she saw when she thought of him. Had he really been hurt?

Yes, they both got hurt from it. Neither knew that each loved the other, making their pain even worse. And that's what Harry and Hermione felt; their emotional wounds getting deeper day after day.

No matter how much they had tried, they could never forget their love for each other. Harry had tried time and time again, but it never worked. He would sometimes go sit at the dock that Hermione’s boat had left from, staring at the water. He knew that he would never forget her. As he would look into the water’s reflection, it would show what he wanted: Hermione. Was he just insane? Was he hallucinating now? Why couldn't he forget her?

As for Hermione, she had tried too . . . but not as hard as Harry. She had tried to move on, but she still sometimes walked to the shore of the beach that surrounded her new school. Staring into the dark water reminded her of the days that she and Harry had spent sitting beside the lake at Hogwarts. It also reminded her of the day she’d left, the way he had looked, the way he had smelled when she’d hugged him. She would never forget him — but why?

Forget me

The answer to their question was simple. . . .

The rising and falling of the tide wouldn't let them.