Underneath it All by forsakenphoenix

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 25/02/2005
Last Updated: 01/05/2005
Status: In Progress

We are all human. We make mistakes and learn from them. We stumble but get up again. We fall in
love, we get our hearts broken, and we test our friendships. But what are we underneath it all? A
soul, a heart, and a whole lot of secrets. Follow the Marauders and Lily as they learn that the
happiest person you know is probably the most saddest person you will ever meet and that no one is
perfect; no matter what anyone else says.




1. The Beginning of An End
--------------------------

**Chapter One: The Beginning of an End**

Our dreams are where we hide the darkest shades of fear.

Lily Evans woke up as sunlight streamed in through her window. She squinted wearily around her
room, waiting for the blurriness to disappear. She wasn’t at all a morning person. Lily stretched
and stared at the ceiling, trying to remember the dream she’d been having, but the details were
slipping and the images were becoming vague shadows with no distinct shape. The only thing she
could recall was the voice of James Potter. She wondered why it was his voice that reigned in her
dreams and why the emotions she felt during these dreams were so pure and honest. Pure and honest
disgust and irritation, that is.

She looked dishevelled in the early hours of morning and even her normally tidy room was strewn
with various clothes and books. She swung her legs off her bed and dug her toes into the soft rug
beneath her feet, yawning as she picked herself up and made her way to the shower. She emerged
twenty minutes later, more awake and alert than she was when she first woke up, and made her way
towards the kitchen. Her mother was awake, making coffee and eggs for the family.

“I’m not very hungry, just going to take a piece of toast, Mum,” said Lily, as she grabbed a
slice. “I’ve got to finish packing. Where’s Dad?”

Her mother smiled at her. “Your father is upstairs getting dressed. Now, don’t forget anything
and make sure you don’t dawdle. You don’t want to miss your train. As Head Girl, you want to set a
good example.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “It’s six-thirty, Mum. I’m sure I won’t take that long. I wasn’t late last
year either. And of course I’ll set a good example! I did while I was Prefect,” retorted Lily.

“But you could always do better, dear.”

Lily sighed in frustration and walked into her room. She picked up the nearest book, *The
Standard Book of Spells Grade 7*, and put it inside her trunk on a neat pile of books next to
her folded school uniform and robes.

She finished packing her wand, books, and clothing, and scanned the room for anything she might
have missed. Satisfied that she had packed everything, she closed her trunk. Lily ran her hand
along the deep oak-coloured trunk and traced the Hogwarts emblem that was engraved on top. Her
initials were engraved in perfect calligraphy just below the insignia. She smiled to herself at the
thought of her school—the blazing fires, throngs of students, new and exciting classes, delicious
feasts, and the balls—it was the perfect school and Lily never wanted to go anywhere else. She
thought of how she would have missed out on all that Hogwarts offered if she hadn’t been a
witch.

She sighed as she took in her surroundings. She wouldn’t see this room for another nine months.
Lily was spending Christmas at Hogwarts—her first Christmas without her parents. Her mother and
father had decided to go skiing in France and Lily wasn’t all that interested in skiing. Lily’s
sister, Petunia, however, had seized the opportunity in a heartbeat.

Petunia managed to stay out of Lily’s way and Lily out of hers, but Lily couldn’t help feeling
lonesome at times during the summer when all she had for company were her books and an owl. Lily
had friends at Hogwarts, but they were little more than acquaintances. She had few friends that she
spoke to of things aside from school. She had one friend, only one, with whom she shared almost
everything. She found out at an early age that the more people that know your secrets, the worse
off you are because someone is bound to let something slip. She rarely divulged her secrets to
anyone, afraid of their reactions when they realized that Prefect-turned-Head-Girl Lily Evans
wasn’t so perfect after all. She also had no one to answer her questions about the new rising fear
in the wizarding world; the dark wizard known as Lord Voldemort, who killed Muggles and Muggle-born
wizards like Lily. It was a lonely life for Lily at home, but it didn’t matter at Hogwarts, because
Lily was caught up in all her schoolwork, tutoring others, making sure she did all that was asked
of her, and being chased after by James Potter.

Now that her seventh year was upon her, Lily hoped that the schoolwork would be piled on even
more in preparation for the Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests that they would take at the end of
the year. She wanted to be too exhausted to even dream at night.

If there was anything that Lily hated more than having unexplained and indistinct dreams, it
would be James, who was so often the subject of those dreams. It frustrated her to no end that she
had no idea why James would be in her dreams, talking to her calmly and smoothly, when all she ever
did was ignore him or snap at him. Why should she ever give him a chance to even be that close to
her?

Lily sighed again as her mother called for her from downstairs.

“Lily, it’s time to get moving!”

Lily grabbed her trunk and dragged it down the stairs. She briefly glanced into the kitchen to
see her father and Petunia sitting at the kitchen table, holding a conversation over breakfast.

“Good morning, my precious Lily,” her father greeted her as she walked into the kitchen.

She smiled and hugged her father as he kissed her forehead.

“Are you ready?”

Lily nodded and looked at Petunia expectantly.

“Well…goodbye, freak,” said Petunia, a bit too stiffly for Lily’s liking. *Christmas without
Lily*. Petunia thought it was the most brilliant idea ever.

Ever since Lily had been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Petunia had
made a point to tear Lily down or, if she could manage, make her cry. The fact that her sister was
a witch made Petunia cringe with disgust and that her parents accepted a freak like Lily was beyond
Petunia’s comprehension. She bore the burden of keeping her sister’s “unnaturalness” a secret from
everyone’s prying eyes and strained ears. In all honesty, Petunia was more afraid and jealous of
Lily than loathsome; she just masked the fear with hatred and disgust.

Petunia was afraid that Lily would blow something up, turn her into something unnatural, or that
someone would find out what Lily was—and that was her biggest fear: having someone discover that
she was related to a freak. She couldn’t understand how her parents were so proud. Petunia would
never admit that she missed Lily during the school year, but she would readily admit that she
missed bringing Lily down. It wasn't the nicest thing to be glad of but, then again, Petunia
wasn't really all that nice.

“You’re not going to be seeing your sister until next summer. Be nice,” her mother scolded.

Petunia rolled her eyes and left the kitchen.

“I take it she’s not coming to see me off one last time,” Lily said, somewhat disappointed. She
had nothing against Petunia, even if Petunia disliked her. This was probably one of the last times
she would see Petunia and she desperately wanted to hear some kind words from her sister’s mouth.
But Lily knew she would be asking too much from Petunia and decided that being told off by her
sister wasn’t exactly how she wanted to start her first day back at Hogwarts. Lily looked at her
mother with hope in her eyes, but six years of broken hope had made her believe that anything she
hoped for would soon end.

Her mother smiled gently at her and tried to nudge her out the door.

“You know how your sister is,” her father said softly, as they walked out the door, “Don’t worry
about it, Lily. It’s not the end of the world. I wish that she would have at least given you a
proper goodbye as well, but wishing isn’t something that we need to base our lives on.”

Her father always said that and somehow that made Lily want to wish even more for things that
were impossible; but that’s where her dreams came in. Dreams allow us all to become safely and
quietly insane every night of our lives and it’s all we’ve ever hoped and wished for—that we know
will always be just hopes and wishes and never truth.

The Evans lived in a quaint little home on the corner of Mulberry Drive. The houses were
identically aligned on every street, each with an identical well-kept front lawn that ended with an
identical small garden wall.

“Good morning!” called their next-door neighbour, Mr. Cole.

Lily turned to see Mr. Cole watering his front lawn. She smiled and waved to him.

Mr. Cole had a nephew named Adam, who had been Lily’s best friend when they were younger. But
during Lily’s first year at Hogwarts, Adam had committed suicide. It had shocked her that someone
so young would want to take his own life, but the warning signs had been there and she had just
ignored them, thinking they were a phase--something he was going through as he was getting over the
death of his parents. Lily‘s father pulled her from her reverie as he called goodbye to Mr.
Cole.

With the help of her father, Lily heaved her trunk into the car and once they were all
settled--with Lily’s owl hooting dolefully in his cage on her lap--her mother began the forty-five
minute drive to King’s Cross Station.

The ride was uneventful and Lily’s father helped her get a trolley for her trunk and owl cage.
She hugged her tearful mother and father goodbye, promising to owl them soon.

“Make us proud, as you already have,” her father said, smiling proudly at her. “Your final year
and Head Girl…time sure has passed quickly.” He shook his head in disbelief, smiling.

“Have a happy Christmas,” Lily replied. “Don’t forget to tell me all about the ski trip,
alright?”

Her parents nodded and hugged her one more time.

She then made her way through the barrier to Platform 9 ¾.

Her mother wiped away the tears and Lily thought she heard her mumble, "My perfect little
girl is so grown up."

Perfect. The word hit her like a ton of bricks. Did her parents think she was perfect? Was she
supposed to be perfect? Flawless? Lily was hardly flawless. It seemed that whenever Lily looked
into the mirror, everything she saw was flawed. Everyone else only seemed to see the perfect Lily
and not the Lily that she knew. All Lily wanted was for someone else to see her as she did; just
one person who could understand her.

Lily spent the next ten minutes huffing as she pulled her trunk onto the train and found herself
an empty compartment. She quickly pulled on her school uniform and pinned her Head Girl badge to
her robes. She then sat down and indulged herself in the Charms book getting a head start on this
year’s lessons. She sighed contentedly when the train began to depart from the station, leaving
parents far behind as they waved goodbye to their children. Lily wished her sister had come to see
her off.

She didn’t brood on that for long, feeling a sudden rush of gratitude that her sister didn’t
come. Lily was now leaving her obnoxious sister’s presence for almost a whole year and she was on
her way to a place she had come to call her home. Her eyes flickered up from the page she was
reading as she heard her compartment door slide open. She groaned inwardly as she saw the tall,
lean figure of the one person she least wanted to see. James Potter. He was flanked by his best
friend, Sirius Black, and their two other close friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Together
they were known as the infamous Marauders: daring pranksters, intelligent students, and the most
sought-after boys at Hogwarts. Lily hated almost everything about them. She envied the friendship
they had and the trust they had for one another. Remus and Sirius were both good friends of Lily’s,
but she wasn’t one to open up too easily, even though she always did fall apart too fast. Lily
needed a backbone, someone who could stitch her back together when she fell apart because she was
too weak to hold herself together. The Marauders were each other’s support and a friendship like
theirs was all Lily wanted in life.

“Evans! Have a nice summer?” asked James, as he ran his fingers through his hair. It was a habit
of his; he thought that the girls liked it when his hair was messy, but Lily wasn’t exactly like
other girls and that’s why James wanted to pursue her. All the other girls at Hogwarts bowed down
at his feet while Lily would have rather drowned than find herself on her knees before James
Potter. The girls cooed and shrieked as James walked by while Lily scoffed. It was the mere fact
that Lily did not fall for him like other girls that made her even more desirable. The more
desirable she was to James, the more she disliked him.

“Yes, I did actually,” Lily responded. “It was quite pleasant without having to see you for
three entire months, Potter. Pity summer doesn’t last longer.”

Sirius smirked. “She sure is honest, Prongs. It must be such a shame that I’m never that forward
with you.”

James’ usual grin turned into a frown. He looked crest-fallen.

Inwardly, Lily felt as though perhaps she had been a bit harsh on him, but James never knew when
to quit. Despite being let down numerous times, he continued to chase her. It irritated her to no
end, but secretly, it meant a lot to her that he didn’t give up. It meant that someone actually
cared about her…or wanted to at least even though she pushed him away. In all honesty, Lily would
rather spend an entire year with James than with her sister. If he deflated his ego a bit, he
wouldn’t be all that bad.

“That was pretty harsh,” James said. Glancing at the badge gleaming on her robes, he added,
“Congratulations on making Head Girl.”

“Which reminds me, I’ve got to go to the Prefects’ compartment anyway,” Lily said quickly as she
got up.

James stood to follow her.

“And where do you think you’re going?”

“Well…I…I’m the new Head Boy,” said James, fumbling through his robes pocket before pulling out
a shiny, glimmering pin.

“You’re **what**?!” Lily screeched. She looked to Remus for reassurance and he nodded. “Oh,
no. NO! Please tell me this is a dream. I am not sharing Head duties with the likes of you! You
can’t be serious!”

“Of course he’s not Sirius, I am!” Sirius joked.

James rolled his eyes at the overused pun.

“C’mon Evans, if we’re going to be Head Boy and Girl, we’ve at least got to pretend…pretend to
get along.”

“How did you get to be Head Boy?”

“I am intelligent, you know. I’m not just good-looking,” said James.

Lily growled in frustration and hurriedly made her way towards the front compartment to give the
new Prefects their orders. She heard James’ heavy footsteps following behind her.

“Evans! Evans, wait up!”

“Just sod off, Potter! Let me do my duties and you can do yours. We’ll come together when
necessary but nothing more,” she retorted.

“Evans, wait,” James cried as he grabbed her arm tightly, causing her to turn and face him. “Why
do you hate me so much?” His eyes were desperate for an answer, and Lily almost felt sorry for
him.

She wrenched her arm from his grasp and pulled the Prefect compartment door open to face the
Prefects.

James followed behind her and slammed the door shut. “Evans…”

Lily’s eyes were now dangerous. “Potter, do not speak to me,” she hissed.

The Prefects looked up at them curiously and Lily’s countenance softened.

“Sorry about that. I am your new Head Girl, Lily Evans, and this is your Head Boy.” Lily jerked
her head in his direction.

“I’m James Potter,” he cut in and glared angrily at the snickering Slytherins. “Anything funny?”
he questioned them.

“No,” they said quickly.

“But who would make a mudblood Head Girl?” one muttered under his breath, thinking the two Heads
wouldn’t hear them.

Lily looked shocked for a moment, having overheard the mumbling of the Slytherin prefect, but
recovered herself quickly. “Since the school year hasn’t started, be lucky that I cannot take
points away from your House. But I swear that if I have any problems with you in the future, I will
revoke your position as Prefect,” she said sternly.

James seethed, but kept his tongue, for he knew another outburst would not be appropriate around
Lily.

Lily was surprised that James hadn’t stood up for her like he had so many times before. It was
almost as if he’d grown up somewhat. Lily went into a long discussion with the Prefects about
duties and meetings and gave them schedules as to when they were to roam the halls at night to
check for wandering students. “You should all be taking turns walking down the corridor of this
train to make sure that certain behaviours don’t go unpunished. Here are the passwords for your
Common Rooms. You are dismissed,” Lily finished, collapsing wearily onto one of the empty
seats.

James looked at Lily and smiled warmly. If only he could have her, he wouldn’t feel so empty
inside. Despite all her accusations and assumptions that he enjoyed being sought after, it was
completely the opposite. The fact that all the other girls but her wanted him left him aching for
something more, something that only Lily could provide.

Lily looked up to see James staring at her with a glazed look in his eyes and wondered what he
could possibly be thinking.

Noticing the direction of her gaze, he blushed slightly and quickly re-focused.

Lily opened her mouth to make another sharp remark, but fell silent at the anxious look on
James’s face. She’d never noticed until now how tired and worried he looked whenever he was around
her.

“Good luck this year, *Evans*,” James said as he walked out of the Prefect compartment.

Lily looked at the closed door and sighed heavily. Did she honestly hate Potter? No, the feeling
was more like extreme irritation. She walked back towards her compartment that was now occupied by
the troublesome Marauders. She found a seat next to Remus while James sat down on the other side of
the compartment with Sirius. She enjoyed Remus’ company. She often studied with him in the library
or spent rainy Saturday afternoons talking to him. He was her confidant of sorts, considering she
didn’t trust too many people.

“Congratulations,” Remus said, smiling at her warmly.

“Thanks! I’m disappointed that you didn’t make Head Boy this year,” she replied, frowning
slightly.

Remus shrugged. “If Dumbledore thinks James will make a better Head Boy than me, I respect his
decision.”

“That’s very mature of you,” said Lily.

“Lily, can I talk to you about James?” Lily’s eyes narrowed, but she didn’t say anything

Remus took this as a sign to continue talking. “He isn’t as bad as you make him out to be. Give
him a chance.”

“Remus, I think I can make my own opinion of Potter. I don’t need you to put in a good word for
him,” Lily said irritably.

Remus shrugged and smiled lightly. “At least I can tell him I tried.”

Lily hit him playfully, but smiled nonetheless.

James saw their interaction and grimaced.

“What’s wrong, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

“How can she be so nice to him and treat me like the very dirt on her shoe?” he groaned
miserably.

“There are some things about girls you’ve just got to understand.”

“What does that have to do with this?”

“Easy,” Sirius said, as he grinned cheekily and clapped James on the back. “Moony doesn’t ask
her out a dozen times a day.”

“I do not ask her out a *dozen* times a day!” James exclaimed indignantly but quietly, so
that Remus and Lily couldn’t overhear their conversation. “Only once or twice.”

All conversations were interrupted when the witch with the food cart arrived at their
compartment. Sirius and James, forgetting their conversation, jumped from their seats and rushed
over to the witch, buying half the cart from her.

“Hungry?” Lily asked, amused.

“Starving,” Sirius said, as he shoved a Cauldron Cake in his mouth. He offered a Pumpkin Pasty
to Remus, who took it gratefully, and some Licorice Wands to Lily, who politely declined.

The rest of the train ride consisted of the Marauders eating everything they could fit into
their mouths and insulting the Slytherins. The boys also occasionally joked about Peter and his
fear of girls because he’d hardly spoken since entering Lily’s compartment. The sky outside was an
inky darkness when the train pulled to a stop in front of the Hogsmeade Station. The disembarking
students were plunged into shadows.

The familiar call for first years rang over the heads of the students. The frightened
first-years shuffled their way towards the horseless carriages awaiting them. The carriages only
carried four students at a time, so Lily went in search of an empty carriage or one that was nearly
empty. She found one with a few sixth-year Ravenclaw girls and sat inside. The girls congratulated
Lily on becoming Head Girl and their conversation soon turned towards the coursework they would
encounter that year.

The darkness of night was shattered as the carriages turned the corner towards Hogwarts. The
castle was illuminated by the brilliant fires burning within every room. Lily wished that the
carriages would go a bit faster so that she could get inside the castle. Until she got off the
train, she hadn’t noticed how hungry she was. The pasties that Sirius and James had bought now
seemed quite tantalizing.

She sighed heavily as the carriage came to a stop in front of the large, oak doors and quickly
stepped out. The throng of students getting off their carriages pushed their way towards the
entrance. The torch-lit hallways and Great Hall looked extremely welcoming from outside. Lily made
her way through the crowd of students and into the Great Hall where she sat down at the long
Gryffindor table.

The Marauders sat down at the opposite end of the table where they were quickly surrounded by
worshipping girls.

Lily sighed. Some things never changed. The girls were still insistent chatterers, and just as
giggly as the year before. The looks on their faces made Lily feel like this was going to one
extremely long year. Her attention was then directed towards the doors of the Great Hall as they
opened and the new first year students entered Hogwarts for their very first time.

The feast was long and boring. Gryffindor received a handful of new students that looked around
anxiously at the large castle they were now to call home. Lily remembered how frightened she had
felt. She also remembered that James had been the first person to introduce himself to her and she
hadn’t hated him then. But as the years progressed and hormones kicked in, everything changed. She
didn’t hate James Potter; she just had an intense dislike for the presumptuous person he had
become. Suddenly, in the middle of the feast, Lily realized that this dislike for Potter had grown
out of jealousy from the attention he received from other girls.

Glancing over at him, she noticed he had in fact changed over the summer. It was only the
slightest change, but noticeable. He didn’t seem as arrogant as before, but the ego was still there
though slightly deflated. He was holding a conversation with a giggly fifth-year sitting beside
him. The girl looked as though she barely even comprehended a word James was saying.

Lily rolled her eyes. It was quite sickening to see how the girls hung off them like peasants
idolizing their king though sometimes when Lily lay awake at night, she wondered what it felt like
to be intimate with a boy--to be close enough to hear his heart beating and feel his breath on her
neck. She would never admit that to anyone, of course, because it was well-known knowledge that
Lily didn’t date. After being hurt in fourth year by her very first boyfriend, Lily had never
wanted anything to do with boys, especially with a certain James Potter because it was a
well-established fact that he would go for any girl in a heartbeat and drop her just as quickly.
But he had never gone unattached to a girl for so long before.

She turned her gaze towards Remus. He had grown since last year, both in maturity and height. Of
course, he would always have the same sense of humour as the other Marauders, but at least he
didn’t gloat about the pranks they pulled or the girls he met. His sandy brown hair fell gracefully
into his amber eyes that betrayed every emotion he felt. Looking into Remus’ eyes was like looking
into his soul, despite how cliché it sounded. From what she heard from other girls, Remus was very
romantic, but like the other Marauders, he couldn’t commit to a relationship. They said that he
seemed to be hiding a secret that kept him from becoming steady with a girl, though he always
seemed willing to try a long-term relationship.

Lily knew the secret they were talking about. She had discovered it in January of their first
year. She couldn’t help but notice that he disappeared once a month, making up excuses that he
needed to visit his ill mum. She had believed him at first, but when he kept coming back to
Hogwarts looking just as sick as his mum probably was, she became suspicious. Then, by coincidence,
while doing a moon chart for Astronomy…it hit her. Remus was a werewolf. She had confronted him and
after a few hours of coaxing, he finally, though shamefully, agreed. This confession made Remus and
Lily even closer friends.

He was so serious and understanding, making him the perfect person to tell secrets too. Lily did
tell Remus her secrets. She told him about Adam and how she thought that he’d only killed himself
because he wanted to meet his parents in Heaven, But she did not tell Remus everything. She was
sure that he probably didn’t tell her all his secrets either, so she didn’t feel guilty. But Remus
was the only person who knew the real Lily—the Lily that she saw every time she looked in the
mirror—the Lily who was full of flaws.

She looked up from her deep thoughts when the Great Hall quieted and Professor Dumbledore stood
up to address the students.

“Another year has come,” he began. “And hopefully this will be full of memories that we will
never forget. First-year students are reminded that the Forbidden Forest is just that, forbidden,
though I’m sure that some of our older students should be remembering this as well,” he said,
eyeing the Marauders, his crystal blue eyes twinkling brilliantly in the candlelight. “Quidditch
tryouts will be held during the second week of term. Anyone interested in playing for their House
team should seek contact with their Head of House. I would also like to congratulate Gryffindor for
producing our fine Heads this year, Mr. James Potter and Ms. Lily Evans. That is all for now,
goodnight to you all and sleep well, for tomorrow is the first day of classes.”

The clattering of forks and knives and the scraping of benches on the cobblestone floor suddenly
filled the Hall as students got up to leave. Lily quickly made her way over to the first-years to
escort them to the common room. She looked for James, who should have been helping her, but could
not find him anywhere. Frustrated and irritated, she led the ‘ickle firsties,’ (as Peeves the
Poltergeist called them) towards the common room.

The group had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and Lily spoke the password, ‘Quidditch.’ The
portrait swung open and allowed access to the crimson and gold common room. She then showed the
first years to their dormitories (boys on the left, girls on the right) and herded them up the
stairs for bed. Lily sighed as she glanced around the common room. So this was home, a place she
had missed desperately during her waking hours at Mulberry Drive. But Lily knew that once she was
up the stairs and in her four-poster bed, the night surrounding her would suffocate her with
nightmares.

“Glad to be back?” one of her roommates asked once the common room had quieted down as the
students headed up to their dormitories for the night.

“It’s always good to be home.” Lily looked around, remembering moments from years before, and
smiled. The common room was quiet tonight and Lily soon realized why. The Marauders were missing.
“Where are the Marauders?”

“No idea. Hey, I’m heading to bed. Goodnight, Lily. Congratulations on making Head Girl.”

“Thanks. Goodnight.” Lily looked around the common room. Curfew was in two minutes. If the
Marauders were late…

The portrait covering the common room entrance swung open and the Marauders tumbled in. They
were flushed and talking fast and excitedly. That usually meant they were up to something.

“Where were you, Potter?” Lily asked angrily.

James smirked at her. “Why should you care? We’re not late. Curfew isn’t for another
minute.”

Lily breathed heavily, trying to hold her anger down, but it was hard around James; he knew just
the right buttons to push. “I don’t care where you *just* were. I meant right after dinner.
You were supposed to help me bring the first-years up to the common room. Did you? No, because I
couldn’t find you anywhere! What kind of responsibility is that? You’re Head Boy, for Merlin’s
sake—act your part!”

“You handled the situation perfectly well, didn’t you?” he responded coolly.

Lily growled and moved towards James in a threatening manner, toying with her wand.

He eyed her warily, but before she could even mutter a curse, Remus stepped in front of her and,
with a last glance at James, grabbed her by the shoulders, led her to the nearby couch, and sat her
down.

“Calm down, Lily,” said Remus.

“Calm down? How can I calm down when that irritating, foul, loathsome--”

“He isn’t that bad,” Remus interjected.

“Not that bad? Not that bad?! He’s the only one who can possibly make me this angry! That’s not
the worst of it either, oh no. The worst of it is that he enjoys making me this angry! He likes to
provoke me!”

Remus smiled knowingly at her. “That’s James for you.”

“I don’t understand why Dumbledore had to make him Head Boy…didn’t even help me with the
first-years…almost came in late…” Lily continued to mutter to herself for some time before she
turned on Remus. “And you…you should have reminded him. You should know better, Remus, since you
were a Prefect. You’re the only serious one in that group; you need to keep them in control. As
Head Boy, Potter needs to keep you guys in control.”

“I keep them in line as much as I can.”

“Really,” Lily scoffed. “You really handled the situation well after O.W.L.s and that situation
with Severus. You didn’t do anything! You know that scuffles like that are against the rules.”

“I didn’t notice anything going on, I was reading,” replied Remus.

“Bollocks! I know you’re intelligent, Remus, but I highly doubt even you know how to read a book
upside down.”

Remus blushed but didn’t say a word.

“Potter better get his act together,” she growled angrily, “or I refuse to work with him.”

“Don’t worry, Lily, I’ll give James a little talking-to,” Remus assured her.

“Potter should know what his responsibilities are. He shouldn’t need his friends to remind
him.”

“Sometimes we all need reminders,” said Remus.

Lily huffed angrily.

“Why don’t you go to sleep? Classes start tomorrow and you wouldn’t want to be falling asleep in
them, would you? What kind of example would you be setting if you fell asleep in class?” Remus
teased her.

“You’re right,” Lily said resignedly. “Remind Potter that he’d better set a good example, as
well.”

“Don’t worry about James. He will make a good Head Boy. People admire him, look up to
him...”

Lily grumbled some more, but got up and headed towards the girls’ dormitory.

“Goodnight, Lily!” Remus called after her.

Lily just waved her hand impatiently and stumbled into the seventh-year girls’ dorm, falling
into the welcoming arms of sleep.



2. Dreams To Make One Think
---------------------------

**Chapter Two: Dreams to Make One Think**

**"Why do you hate me, Lily?"**

Lily stood wide-eyed at James, her mouth hanging slightly open as words fumbled on her tongue. She
flushed ever so slightly as he stared at her with those very same desperate, questioning eyes that
haunted her dreams. The sun blazed down upon her; tiny beads of perspiration lingered on the hairs
that clung to her neck.

But where had the sun come from? Weren't they just standing in the cool, dark interior of the
Astronomy Tower after hours? Yet, here she and James stood, beside the lake in the snow. Despite
the snow and bone-chilling weather, Lily was hot and feverish as though she were put under a huge
pressure.

James looked at her anxiously, shivering slightly from the cold.

Lily assumed that he didn't feel the sun burning on his face as she did. She watched as he
ran his fingers through his hair. Lily could tell that he had just gotten finished with a snowball
fight because his fingers were wet and his hair froze in a mess. He shivered unconsciously again
and Lily wasn't sure if she was even really there since she felt nothing close to cold. She was
warm and wanted to take her cloak off at that very moment. But as she struggled with the clasp that
held her cloak around her shoulders, she was thrown into a different scenario.

The same question echoed in her ears as though they were bouncing off the cold, stones of the
distant dungeons of Hogwarts.

**"Why do you hate me, Lily?"**

Lily looked around, semi-frightened and still considerably hot. She was in a dark hallway that led
to a large, oak door, but Lily could not remember this hallway for the life of her. She ran as fast
as she could towards the door but the harder she tried to run faster, the slower she went. The door
now seemed millions of miles away and that she would never reach it no matter how desperate she was
to throw it open. Then, in a split second, she was there as though no time had lapsed at all. She
pushed the oak door open and gasped as the cold, bitter air bit her cheeks and fragile fingers.
Though it was cold, it was welcoming after the suffocating, stuffy hot air. She reached for the
railway that enclosed the balcony and looked over to see a black mass of shadows. In the distance,
she could see the outline of the Forbidden Forest looking even more haunting and unwelcome.

"Where am I?” Lily strained to scream, it came out as a long, hollow wail.

The wind whipped her hair into her face and the trees of the forest bent with the weight of a
thousand worlds. The trees moaned and creaked as some unforeseen shadow bent them at its will and
Lily could feel as though the shadows beneath the balcony were moving slowly up toward her. She
looked to the Forbidden Forest as a blur came rushing towards her. She couldn't tell whom or
what it was until it was nearly at the base of balcony, clutching his stomach and gasping for
air.

"Lily, come on Lily! I need to get you to safety. Please, just come with me. Trust me,"
James pleaded with her. His eyes stared up at her with such despair and terrible sadness that Lily
almost collapsed and had to grasp the railway for support. She wanted to go to him; to feel his
arms wrap around her and encompass her with a passionate warmth that she had never felt
before.

Lily tried to pull herself over the railway to somehow get closer to that warmth that radiated
around him through the bitter cold, but she couldn’t do it. No matter how hard she tried to push
herself up, it seemed that gravity wanted to hold her down. Lily looked down in horror to see that
her feet were sinking into the seemingly solid concrete of the balcony. No wonder she couldn’t
move; she was becoming plastered.

James cried to her to reach him, but never made the attempt to reach her instead.

Lily looked to James in a paralysing fear and screamed his name, “James! James!”


Lily sat up gasping for air. Sweat trickled down her face and her hair clung to her face. She
looked around the dormitory, taking in the familiarities and trying to calm her racing
nerves.

“Stop screaming and go to sleep,” one of her roommates mumbled sleepily into her pillow without
even bothering to look up to see who had screamed.

So she had screamed out for James with her real voice and it was her voice, not some awful,
inconceivable wail. She sighed heavily and pulled herself from her sweat-soaked sheets. Instantly,
she was met with a blast of cold air coming from an open window and greeted it welcomingly. She
felt cool now that the sweat was evaporating from her neck and face. She closed her eyes, wishing
that she would never have to experience that suffocating warmth again. Her feet padded across the
cold, stone floor and she pulled open the dormitory door with a creak. Lily turned back to check
that her roommates were still asleep, shut the door behind her, and made her way to the common
room.

The fires that roared within the common room still crackled loudly in the early hours of the
morning. Apparently, the House-Elves had recently come and gone. Lily collapsed into the nearest
armchair and yawned. She never noticed how draining her dreams could be. She wondered why it was
James Potter of all people that haunted her dreams. Was it was a sign that maybe he wasn’t so bad?
After all, he *had* tried to save her from those lurking shadows and his eyes--they were so
desperate for something…but Lily couldn’t figure out what it was. It was those eyes that plagued
her dreams and confused her for they lacked the fire that always burned whenever James was around
her in real life. His eyes were so empty and pleading, hoping only for a moment’s glance into hers;
a chance that she often tried to deprive of him. She hated when their eyes met because it was
always awkward. Was this how James felt at the same exact moment?

Lily was confused. James was an arrogant, self-centred twit and he enjoyed making her angry. But in
her dreams, he was desperate, pleading; not at all like the cool-composed James that followed her
every waking moment. Maybe there was a side of James that she had never given him the chance to
show.

Lily shook her head at her own thoughts. After six years of pranks, rude comments, and the silent
treatment, Lily thought she knew all there was to know about James. Maybe she was wrong. But after
six years, she couldn’t just give up the routine of constantly pulling him from the pedestal that
everyone else hoisted him up on. Today’s performance after dinner showed her that he still wasn’t
ready for the responsibility given as Head Boy. She was sure that Dumbledore overestimated James’
abilities. Sure, he was a role model; boys looked up to him, girls fawned over him but was James
*mature* enough to handle responsibility? He had jobs to do. He couldn’t just stand there and
look good. No, he still hadn’t changed. He was as immature as the day he set foot in
Hogwarts.

“Lily?” a confused voice called to her from the stairway that led up to the dormitories.

She turned around to see the bedraggled hair and tired, ashen face of Remus. “What are you doing
up this early?” Lily asked him as she turned back around to watch the fire burn.

Remus took a seat on the armchair across from her and looked into her own tired eyes before
answering. “Bad dream,” he muttered as he tried to hide a yawn.

“Me too,” Lily replied.

“Tell me about it?”

Lily smiled wearily at him, “You’re probably the only person in this entire school who could sit in
the common room at three a.m. with me and ask about my dreams.”

“James would die to be sitting with you at three a.m.,” Remus said nonchalantly.

Lily gaped at him in disbelief and spluttered out incoherent words.

“It’s true, you know.”

“I know,” said Lily, giving up. “He confuses me.”

Remus laughed gently. “Yes, that is James, a terribly confusing young man. But you’ve got to know
him to understand his intentions.”

“But,” Lily sighed in frustration, “that’s it. What are his intentions? He’s Potter. But who is
James Potter really? Is he the egotistical git who likes to infuriate me? Or someone I haven’t even
given a second glance?”

Remus looked at her curiously. “Is that what you were thinking about?”

Lily nodded. “I’m so confused, Remus.”

“Give it time, Lily. Maybe you should give James a chance, granted that he doesn’t make a prat out
of himself. And if he does, just give him a good kick in the shins; it’ll knock some sense into
him.”

“Or maybe a nice book to the head…” murmured Lily.

“I find that Potions books are heavy enough to cause slight damage,” said Remus, laughing
lightly.

“Remus? Why does Potter like me?” asked Lily suddenly. “I never really understood it. What does he
see in me?”

Remus shrugged. “I’m not James. He’s never told me. He talks about you non-stop, but it’s nothing
about what could hint to us why he likes about you.”

“I hope I’m not some kind of conquest for him,” she said bitterly.

“James wouldn’t do that. He cares too much about you to make you out to be a conquest. I believe
his intentions are pure. He really does like you, Lily.”

“That’s what confuses me! He asks me out and then acts like a git. He simply infuriates me to no
end. I can’t stand being near his big ego!”

“Is that what you hate about him? His ego is large?”

“Large? For Merlin’s sake, Remus! His ego is humongous. I’m surprised he can fit his head through
the door to your dormitory!”

“James’ ego isn’t *that* large. And he doesn’t mean to gloat; it’s just something he does
unconsciously. He doesn’t mean to irritate you. He was brought up in a wealthy family. He knows
what he wants.” Lily glowered and Remus knew he wasn’t going to get any farther at trying to get
James on Lily’s good side. So he attempted another approach.

“You’re going to be working together a lot this year with all your responsibilities as Head Boy and
Girl. You’ve both got to stop being immature. I’m not usually one to make arguments for my friends,
but James *has* tried and you’ve got to let go of your past. James isn’t that insolent,
haughty boy that you once knew. He’s grown up and so should you,” Remus finished and then looked at
Lily expectantly.

“Well, what do you expect me to say? Okay, sure, I’ll give him a chance and maybe we’ll become the
best of friends?! It isn’t that easy, Remus. Changes are gradual and after six years of arguing and
throwing objects, it’s hard to picture a scenario of James and me together peacefully.”

“I know that, Lily,” said Remus, becoming agitated. “But at least give him a chance to prove that
he isn’t as arrogant as he used to be. It won’t do this school any good if the Head Boy and Girl
don’t get along.”

Lily sighed in contempt but did not say a word. She watched the embers as they burned out into
lifeless ash.

Remus’ countenance lightened as he watched the beautiful young woman in front of him fight against
reason. “Tell me about your dream now.”

Lily looked up. Her brilliant emerald eyes looked troubled as she frowned slightly. Her brow
furrowed as she struggled to remember the contents of her latest dream, but like the one before,
the vivid images were fleeing her mind.

“I don’t remember,” she said softly. “Do you forget yours often?”

“Sometimes, but usually they’re the ones that mean the most to me…perhaps you should head back to
bed,” said Remus softly as Lily leaned her head against the armchair and yawned.

“Perhaps…but I highly doubt that I will fall asleep again. Now that I’m awake, I’m afraid to close
my eyes.”

“If you don’t remember what the dream was about, do you remember who was in it?”

Lily laughed quietly, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Remus raised his eyebrows in curiosity. “James?”

“Hmm…yes, Remus, it’s James. I don’t just dream of him…he *haunts* my dreams. He haunts my
waking moments. I can’t *live* without seeing him.”

“Is that a good thing or bad thing?”

Lily sighed in frustration and threw a pillow at Remus’ head.

He threw his hands up in surrender. “Forget I said anything! But, Lily, we’re making progress.
You said *James* not Potter,” said Remus with a grin.

Lily groaned in response and buried her head into her palms.

They sat there in a comfortable silence, just enjoying the unspoken company of one another. It was
how they spent a lot of late nights when both were awakened by a bad dream or just couldn’t
sleep.

“I’m going to try and get some more sleep,” Lily finally whispered. “Goodnight, Remus. Thank you
for talking with me.” She got up and yawned.

Remus smiled at her. “I’m always willing to talk to you, no matter the time of day.”

“I know. That’s what makes you an amazing friend.”

“Goodnight, Lily. I hope you have a dreamless sleep.”

“You too,” she said sincerely as she made her way up the dormitory stairs.

Remus stared at that fleeting figure that silently made its way up the stairs. He sighed heavily
and closed his eyes as if he were trying to restrain the conversation from fleeing him like Lily’s
dreams has.


The stars dissolved into the cold, gunmetal-coloured sky. At dawn, the sun broke through the
boundary of horizon, cutting a burning fracture in the sky. The early risers wiped the cobwebs of
sleep from their eyes and stumbled to get themselves ready while those who’d rather sleep in
mumbled their ‘five more minutes, Mum’ to the bustle of an awakening castle.

Lily opened her eyes as the sunlight streamed in. Her other roommates were stirring slightly but
showed no sign of getting up anytime soon. Lily crawled out of bed and shuffled her way towards the
nearest bathroom. Twenty minutes later, she emerged feeling refreshed. Lily performed a simple
drying spell on her hair and entered her dorm to get ready for the first day of classes. Not
surprisingly, her roommates were still resting in bed, trying, in a vain attempt, to keep the
sunlight from disturbing them.

After dressing quickly, she looked into the mirror and criticized her appearance. She stood with
her books in a small bag around her shoulder with her grey, pleated uniform skirt smooth and
fitting comfortably and her tie around the collar of her white button-down blouse. Her
Gryffindor-emblazoned cloak hung over her shoulders, clasped in the front with her Head Girl badge
pinned over her breast. Overall, her appearance was neat and pleasing; the ideal image of a Head
Girl. She smiled to herself and walked down the stairway that led to the common room, ready to face
a new day of classes in her last year at Hogwarts.


The Great Hall was situated to the side of the Entrance Hall and it always seemed so different from
the night of the arrival of the students. There wasn’t the hustle and bustle of students trying to
find seats at their House table. Most of the first years hadn’t gotten over the shock of this
amazing school until the first day of classes and still, even then, they were greatly surprised at
the classes and everything that they had to learn. Lily remembered how overwhelmed she felt when
she had first arrived. She had thought that as a Muggle-born, she would know the least of everyone.
She had been frightened that she would get lost and be late for a class or answer a question wrong
and be punished. After the first several weeks, her fears subsided and she realized how comfortable
the environment was. Hogwarts was home away from home and for some, this was and is the only
**true** home they had ever known.

The Hall was not even close to being full nor was it completely empty. There were some early risers
eating toast or eggs and conversing with their Housemates about the upcoming course schedules or
the new Quidditch season. Some of the Gryffindor first-years looked around, terrified at the vast
hall before them.

Lily walked up to them and smiled warmly. “Hello, I’m Lily Evans. I’m the Head Girl of Hogwarts.
I’m Gryffindor as well. How are you doing?”

The small first years gaped up at her and toast hung from one of their mouths. There was an awkward
silence before a young girl spoke up.

“I’m terrified. What if I get lost? Will the professors get mad?” she asked tearfully.

“Well, you might want to try and get to your class on time. I heard that Professor McGonagall
doesn’t take to late-arrivals very well. But not to worry, as your Head Girl, I’ll be sure to point
you in the right direction. And whatever you do,” Lily told them, staring precariously over at the
nearby Slytherin table, “do not trust anything that the Slytherins tell you. They’re a bad lot.
They’ll be more than grateful to lead you in the *wrong* direction.”

The girl nodded and looked fearfully at the Slytherin table just as some of the students sneered
viciously at her. She yelped and hid her face behind her hands.

Lily patted the girl on her shoulder before making her way towards the older students belonging
to the Gryffindor House. Some random “Hello, Lily’s” and “Congratulations on making Head Girl!”
followed her as she sat down at an empty plate. She pulled a piece of toast from the pile that was
set before her and nibbled on a corner as the doors of the Great Hall opened to allow some more
students in. Lily instantly picked up her Transfiguration book and began reading as if to hide from
non-existent glances.

The Marauders walked in and girls squealed from their seats as they rushed to whisper to their
nearby friends.

James looked around at the girls and smiled before running his fingers through his hair, like
always, giving his hair the look as if he had just gotten off a broomstick.

Lily always hated when he did that, it made him even more egotistical than ever, just because he
was some ‘Quidditch God.’

Lily scoffed whenever he did this and it made James somewhat upset. She did not think of him as
some Quidditch God.



Some rather attractive sixth-year Gryffindors called the Marauders over to sit with them for the
first breakfast of the year and Sirius more than dragged them all over.

James shot a furtive glance at Lily, but she seemed too absorbed in a Transfiguration book to
probably even notice that they had arrived.

“Miss Evans,” Professor McGonagall walked briskly up to her and glanced approvingly at her. “A fine
choice for Head Girl, I must say.”

Lily smiled graciously and thanked the Professor.

“Mr. Potter, if you would,” she called over the James, who hurriedly got up and made his way
towards the Professor and Lily. “Professor Dumbledore requests a meeting with you at 8 o’clock
tonight. Do *not* be late.”

“Will do Professor McGonagall,” said James with a charming smile.

“Oh and here are your timetables,” she said, handing them to Lily and James before she moved on to
giving them to the rest of the table.

“Good morning, Evans!” said James after McGonagall had left them.

“Potter.” Lily nodded in response and then made her way back towards her seat.

James fell into place beside Remus and instantly tuned out the conversation around him. At least
he got *some* response from her. James watched every move that Lily made. He was intent on
memorizing her movement and hoped that he could remember it to perfection so that even when she was
nowhere near him, he could clearly see her face and the way her arms moved to brush her hair from
her eyes. He could hear his heart beating loudly in his chest, drumming against his ribcage so hard
that he thought it might break. The drumming rhythm of his heart was deafening but the voices and
the clattering of kitchenware was dim and almost inaudible.

Lily looked up from her Transfiguration book as she felt somewhere staring at her and James
blushed crimson before looking down at his plate.

“Oy-Prongs, you alright there, mate?” Sirius questioned with half a sausage in his mouth.

James nodded and licked his lips. His mouth was dry and he found that even if he had any words
to speak, he would never be able to produce a sound. He coughed dryly and took a sip of his orange
juice. It was as if Lily was there at that moment asking him a question that he knew the answer to;
Lily just did that to him. She instantly made him forget what he was going to say and he found it
hard to concentrate when she was around. It was as if his senses had completely tuned out
everything because they were so desperate to reach her and smell her, touch her, see her, that he
barely had the sense to do or think of anything else. Lily Evans made James absolutely mad with
desire.

“Desire is death,” Remus whispered into James’ ear as if he could read his thoughts.

“Did you come up with that yourself?” James asked Remus curiously.

“Of course I did! No, not really. It comes from a sonnet.”

“What the bloody hell is a saw…net?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “A *sonnet* is a fourteen line poem that has a defined rhyme scheme and
is written in iambic pentameter with the thirteenth and fourteenth line being a couplet.”

James’s eyes went wide. “Written in *what*? What’s a couplet?”

Remus sighed in frustration. “Never mind. You wouldn’t understand poetry.”


“Why is it so confusing?” enquired James.

“Of course you wouldn’t understand poetry considering you’ve probably never read a poem in your
life!” Remus exclaimed, glad to get James’ attention off of Lily for a few moments anyway.

“Oh, so what is this sonnet about anyway?” asked James, biting the end off a piece of bacon.

“Basically that the experience of love is extremely difficult if it goes against reason and can
drive a person mad,” replied Remus.

“Oh.”

“It is quite a good sonnet though. Perhaps I should lend you one of my literature books and have
you read some of this man’s sonnets; they’re mainly about love.”

“Maybe I could send one to Lily, yeah? Would she be impressed?” James asked excitedly. “Who is this
poet anyway, what’s his name?”

“She might be. She would probably be surprised that you even knew who he was. His name is William
Shakespeare and he’s a 16th century English poet and playwright. He’s long since dead, but his
poetry and plays are famous worldwide.”

“Wow,” James said, impressed. “He must have been really good.”

“Oh yes, one of the best. Now come on, if we don’t stop dawdling, we’ll be late for Potions!” said
Remus as he ushered the Marauders out of the Great Hall, pulling Sirius away from his conversation
with the sixth-year girls.

Many of the other students were now beginning to file out of the Great Hall and made their way
towards their first class.

Lily pointed the frightened young first-years in the direction of their first class, History of
Magic, and headed down to the dungeons behind the other seventh-year Gryffindors.



“Who could enjoy Potions first thing in the morning?” muttered Peter as they emerged from the dark
and dingy dungeons over an hour later. “I’m terrible at Potions and he’s already assigned a two
foot essay!”

“Why do we always have to have Potions with those bloody Slytherins?” James protested loudly. “As
if we want to spend more time with them other than mealtimes.”

“Once is enough,” agreed Sirius as he tugged on his bag to ensure its safety on his shoulders.

The other seventh-year Gryffindors followed behind them as they headed towards Herbology with
the Ravenclaws.


The rest of the day passed by quickly, to the relief of all the students, as they sat down in the
Great Hall for dinner before heading back to the common room for homework. The fifth through
seventh-year students were already piled high with homework in preparation for O.W.Ls and
N.E.W.T.s. The seventh-years had essays for all of the classes they had today and they groaned
wearily as they exited the Great Hall from dinner. The common room was crowded with students some
doing homework, others not.

“Procrastinators,” muttered Lily.

The more notable procrastinators were none other than the Marauders, with the exception of Remus
who always did his homework as soon as it was given it.

“I don’t understand why you don’t do your homework now, Peter,” Remus scolded, “Especially if
you’re worried that you might fall behind.”

Peter squeaked as he always did, which reminded Lily of a rat, and nodded fervently as he
grabbed his Potions book and pulled out a scroll of parchment. He peered over at Remus’
foot-and-half paged essay with greedy eyes and hurriedly began to scribble out his own essay.

James and Sirius took Remus and Peter’s lead and began their essays to give them more time to
romp around on the weekend.

Lily looked up at the clock after working on her essays for quite some time. It was almost 8
o’clock! Her eyes searched the common room for James, who was sitting on the large couch with
Sirius in front of the fire. She got up quickly and leaned over the sofa back, looking down at
James—he was fast asleep. She looked over at Sirius, who was engrossed in his Herbology essay and
did not notice her there. She leaned over further so that she could wake up James and poked him in
the chest. “Potter, wake up!”

James shifted but did not wake.

Sirius now looked up from his essay and glanced at Lily curiously.

“Potter…” Lily sighed in frustration. “Potter, there’s some Ravenclaw girl outside the common room
waiting for you…topless,” she said quickly.

Sirius snorted into a pillow and tried to stifle his laughter.

James bolted awake so fast that Lily barely had time to register that he had even opened his
eyes and his head painfully collided with hers.

Lily toppled backwards and quickly grasped her head, groaning in pain.

James muttered some obscenities while Sirius laughed hysterically, the pillow that he had used
to stifle his laughter before, now clutched to his stomach.

Remus rushed over to Lily and helped her to her feet, though he was laughing as well. “You alright,
Lily?”

“I’m fine, just fine. Merlin, Potter,” she said eyeing him with distaste, and still rubbing her
head gently. “Can your head get any harder?”

Sirius broke out into hysterics once more and James hit him with a pillow.

“There isn’t really a topless Ravenclaw out there, is there?” he asked.

Lily rolled her eyes. “No, Potter, but I had to think of something to wake you up. We need to be at
our meeting with Professor Dumbledore in…THREE MINUTES?! Bloody hell!” she cried in panic and she
bolted towards the portrait hole.

James slowly rose to his feet, stumbled a bit before the full effects of sleep wore away, and
followed her.



“Chocolate frogs,” Lily gasped as she halted in front of the gargoyle that led to Professor
Dumbledore’s office. With James right behind her, Lily ascended the stairway and tentatively
knocked on his door. They heard a “come in,” and walked into the office.

Professor Dumbledore’s office was magnificent. Lily loved to come here just to look at all the
odds and ends he collected. There were portraits of old Headmasters lining the wall, as well as
bookshelves full of books and other oddments.

Their Headmaster was currently standing by a perch to the right of his desk, stroking the breast
of a beautiful phoenix that he had dubbed, Fawkes. “Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter, it is wonderful to
see you. Please, sit down,” he said as he moved away from Fawkes and sat down at his desk. Lily and
James took seats before him and waited in silence. “Lemon drop?” he asked them.

They both took one graciously and thanked their Headmaster before sticking the sour candy into
their mouths.

Professor Dumbledore unstuck one and popped it into his mouth as well. “Now, back to the
business that I called you here for. As Head Boy and Girl, I assume that you know that your
responsibilities are much more demanding than that of Prefects. Of course, you, Ms. Evans know all
about being a Prefect. Mr. Potter, I’m sure you’ll learn quickly from Ms. Evans. Now, Mr. Potter,”
said Dumbledore, eyeing James, “I assume that you’ll put as much responsibility into your Head
duties as you do with your pranks.”

“Absolutely, sir!” James exclaimed.

Dumbledore smiled at him. “Very good. Some items of business; I ask of you to be able to plan
Hogsmeade weekends and any Prefect meetings.”

“Yes, sir,” James and Lily replied simultaneously.

“Any school functions you might also desire, please inform me and I will try to ensure that it
happens, but I cannot promise anything.”

Lily nodded.

“I also want to make sure that you do treat everyone fairly, especially the Slytherins.” He said
this more or less directly towards James. “But I’m sure that you will both be responsible and not
abuse your position. Take points when needed, give detentions when deemed necessary. I wish you
both a wonderful year. You may go.”

“Good-bye Professor,” James said, as he got up.

Lily lingered behind.

“Professor, I don’t mean to judge your decision, but why did you pick him as Head Boy?” she
questioned.

Professor Dumbledore smiled at her. “I know that you and Mr. Potter don’t particularly get
along—"

Lily snorted.

“But you both have the qualities I’m looking for in Head Boy and Girl. James has the courage and
leadership qualities that make him perfect for Head Boy. People look up to him, they admire him,
and he tries his hardest to please everyone. He also has patience. Have you ever seen him tutor Mr.
Pettigrew? Some people would have given up on him, but not James. And you--you have the calm,
soothing nature that I greatly admire—"

Lily blushed.

“You are friendly and you do not judge quickly. You both are determined…and stubborn. You make a
perfect team, even if you do not see it yet. I hope by the end of the year, though, that you will
indeed see just how well you both work together. If that is all, Ms. Evans…”

“Yes, thank you, sir. Good night.” Lily left quickly and made her way back towards the Gryffindor
common room. She sat back down where she had been working on her essay before the meeting.

By half past ten, the common room was almost deserted and the only remaining students, the
Marauders, were almost finished with their last essay.

Lily sat at a table on the far side of the common room where she could concentrate on her
homework peacefully. She closed her book wearily and rolled up her last scroll of parchment. She
replaced the cover on her inkbottle and stuffed her essays, books, ink, and quill into her bag. She
looked around and glanced around the room, eyeing the group of fifth years suspiciously. She
quickly got up and stood behind who looked like the lead boy. “What are you boys up to?” Lily
asked.

“N-n-nothing,” a boy to her left stuttered, smiling crookedly. “Just talking about classes, that’s
all.”

“If you were ‘just talking about classes,’” Lily started, “you would not be talking in secret,
whispers in a dark corner.”

The boys looked at Lily disdainfully and broke up their group, all of them heading up towards their
dormitory.

“Good job, Lily, keeping those boys in line,” said Sirius.

“Someone has to,” she said, shooting an angry glare at James and frowning. “You have
responsibilities too, Potter. You can’t just loaf around and act as though you can’t see anyone
doing anything out of bounds.”

“I didn’t see them doing anything wrong!” James defended.

“Because you’re just like them, Potter!” Lily replied exasperated. “You’re those guys sitting in a
dark corner whispering with your friends, planning another plot against the Slytherins. You’re the
students who stay up late and go sneaking around the school in your *invisibility cloak* and
come in at indecent hours. You turn a blind-eye towards these students because you yourself would
have hated to have been told off.

“But you’ve got to start learning that as Head-Boy it isn’t all fun and games. You can’t just get
away with everything you’ve been getting away with for the past six years. You’ve got to be the
discipliner instead of the disciplined and it’s hard, I know, but it’s your responsibility. You
accepted the position as Head-Boy and you’ve got to restrain yourself from stepping out of
bounds.”

“Yes, well you need to loosen up, Evans!"

"Loosen up? At least I follow the rules!" Lily felt her blood boiling. He just knew how
to get right underneath her skin.

"Maybe people would listen to you better, would *like* you better if you weren't so
stuck up," James shot back.

"Prongs, that went too far," Remus said suddenly, looking between the two angry Head
students. James growled angrily and slammed his quill down on the table.

"Damn it, Moony. Stay out of it."

"Remus didn't do anything wrong!" argued Lily. "Don't yell at him. He's
just..."

"Trying to defend you? Thought you didn't need anyone to defend you, Evans? Thought you
could handle situations perfectly well. Or was it that you didn't want *me* to defend you?
I just don't get you..."

"You wouldn't," snarled Lily angrily before stalking off towards the girls'
dormitory without a second glance.

"Prongs..." warned Remus.

"Don't start on me, Moony," said James, suddenly very tired.

“Well, you’ve sure got your work cut out for you, Prongs,” Sirius said as he propped his elbows on
the table and rested his head wearily in his cupped hands. “I can’t believe she didn’t end up
chucking an inkbottle at your head or something—would’ve been a great way to start off the year,”
he smiled to himself at the thought of James covered in ink. “Anyway, I’m exhausted. I can’t
believe we did all our homework and it’s not even Sunday yet!”

“How come we haven’t done our start of year prank?” asked Peter suddenly, looking up as he wrote
the last sentence of his essay.

“Tomorrow, Wormtail…tomorrow. We’ve got everything done, right?” Sirius questioned.

James and Remus nodded.

“Are you sure you want to do this?" questioned Sirius. "I mean, you're Head Boy now,
Prongs..."

"So?" snapped James.

Sirius laughed and mimicked Lily. "You've got to show some responsibility."

"Evans should just sod off," replied James. "We're doing the prank tomorrow and
that's that. Now let's get to bed."

Sirius nodded happily. If there was anything he liked more than food, it was sleep. He helped his
friends clean up the table of ink and parchment. Then they headed towards their own dormitory and
collapsed tiredly onto their four-poster beds before drifting off to sleep.

But across the Gryffindor tower, in the girls’ dormitory, someone was having quite a difficult
time trying to fall asleep because either she was too angry or she was afraid of dreaming of a
certain black-haired boy...



3. The Tragic Ending to a Comedy
--------------------------------

**Chapter Three: The Tragic Ending to a Comedy**

**The world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.-Charlee Jacob**

Lily stared at her crimson canopy in silence. She could hear the slow, heavy breathing of her
sleeping roommates. The silence was shattered by the occasional snort or groan. She had awakened,
yet again, in the middle of the night to find herself trying to recall her latest dream and failing
miserably. It was as if her dreams taunted her and then recoiled from sight and memory so that she
could only remember the emotions she had felt: fear, love, anger, and despair. But *why* was
she feeling those things? Surely, she could not feel **love** when she dreamt of James…the
insufferable git who haunted every minute of her life. *Of course not*, she reassured herself.
Still, she could not help but feel that there was something about James Potter that she just wasn’t
seeing; the side of James that Remus saw. Would she ever see this side of James or would she not
give him a chance to prove that he really did care?

Lily spent the rest of the morning before breakfast reading her N.E.W.T level Transfiguration
book. They would have their first Transfiguration lesson of the year that morning and, as always,
Lily wanted to make sure she was somewhat ahead.

Breakfast was somewhat of a dull event. There was the morning mail (with nothing for Lily of
course), food, and Peter tripping over his shoelaces, falling face-first into the nearest
bench.

Peter was naturally a bit subdued on the way to Transfiguration in fear that he might humiliate
himself even more.

“We’re even humiliated to be seen with you,” joked Sirius, nudging Peter playfully.

Peter did not see the humour in the situation and glared coldly at him before glancing back down
at the floor.

Lily felt bad for Peter and knew that Sirius, although joking, had hurt Peter’s feelings.

Transfiguration began with Professor McGonagall making a speech about how difficult the N.E.W.Ts
were and that this was the year students had to prove themselves. This speech had been given from
all their other professors, but Professor McGonagall was able to hold their entire classroom’s
attention. After the speech on N.E.W.Ts, Professor McGonagall moved on to lecture about the topics
they would cover over the course of the year.

Lily took detailed notes on the subjects that Professor McGonagall described.

“Now, for the remainder of the period, open your books to page 5—” Professor McGonagall began
describing human transfiguration.

Students rustled through their bags to pull out parchment and quills and took rapid notes. Even
the Marauders, Lily noticed, were listening with rapt attention to the Professor.

The morning passed rather uneventfully as did the afternoon. Soon it was dinnertime and the
Marauders were getting quite antsy. They had been planning this prank since the summer and couldn’t
wait to see the Slytherins reactions.

Lily sat with the other girls in her dorm at dinner, deeply engrossed in a conversation about
Charms class.

“Lily, would you mind showing me the wand movements again after dinner? I keep on forgetting and
you’re the best Charms student in our year,” blushed one of her roommates.

Lily smiled gratefully. “Sure.” She was always willing to help another student. Did that add to
defining her as perfect? She frowned slightly and looked down at the food on her plate as the
conversation next to her became just an annoying buzz in her ear.

A bang resounded and the next thing Lily knew, chaos ensued in the Great Hall. There were giant
chocolate frogs leaping throughout the Hall, the Slytherins were dressed in pink dresses, and
chocolate cake was being randomly thrown at peoples’ faces by some invisible force of magic.

Lily groaned and knew that there were no other groups who could have pulled a stunt like
this.

Sure enough, a very livid Professor McGonagall came stomping down the Gryffindor table, pulling
students off the benches from where they stood, as they tried to hide from the giant frogs. Her
face was covered in a rich chocolate cake and her lips were barely seen as they pursed into a
*very* straight line.

“Black, Potter, Lupin, Pettigrew,” she said sharply.

Remus tried his best to look innocent, but James was holding onto Sirius in mirth, barely able
to breathe since he was laughing so hard.

“Did you see Snivellus’ face?” James exclaimed.

Professor McGonagall did not look too happy at being interrupted.

“Twenty points from Gryffindor and a detention tomorrow night, my office, eight o’clock.”

Sirius looked at Professor McGonagall in amazement and nudged James in the ribs. “Prongs, hear
that? Detention--tomorrow night. Do you know what this means?” he shook James excitedly. Remus and
Peter looked at the two boys in confusion. Professor McGonagall merely raised an eyebrow at the
exchange.

James’ laughter slowly downed and as his breath evened out, his eyes went wide, and his mouth
formed a perfect ‘o’. Sirius nodded his head enthusiastically.

“What in Merlin’s name are you two on about?” asked Professor McGonagall as she tried to look
stern but failed; the chocolate cake just didn’t help.

“After detention tomorrow night, you’re looking at the new record holders of the most detentions
held by one person or more at Hogwarts,” said Sirius proudly.

James laughed gleefully and Remus smirked.

Peter looked as if he were in a daze. Finally, he would be recognized for something! Although
holding the most detentions isn’t exactly someone wants to be remembered for, the pranks they’d
pulled resulting in the detentions were perfect for remembrance.

McGonagall looked at them slightly torn between amusement and berating them. She decided on
neither as she shuffled towards the Slytherin table in order to help calm the chaos. She quickly
cleaned her face and helped the Slytherin Head of House escort the Slytherins back to their common
rooms to change back into their Hogwarts robes.

Lily left dinner early and headed to the common room. Everyone was at dinner, so she was left
with silence to help relieve her anger. Sure the prank was funny, but honestly, when would they
grow up? And James was Head Boy! Some responsibility he was showing to the younger students even
after he promised that he would really try this year!

The portrait hole opened and let in a few students. They took one look at Lily and bolted to a
corner to hide. They had seen Lily angry and knew to stay out of her way. The common room slowly
filled up as more and more students returned from dinner.

The Marauders were amongst the last to enter and James knew he was in trouble once he saw Lily’s
flashing emerald eyes.

“Like the show, Evans?” he asked, smirking.

Lily growled in frustration. She had little patience for James and his stupid pranks. She
grabbed him by the front of his robes, ignoring the look of shock on his face and pulled him
outside the portrait hole. “You are an insufferable git,” spat Lily, poking James’ chest for
emphasis.

“What’s wrong with a little prank? The Slytherins looked hilarious in chocolate cake and pink
dresses,” he argued, laughing at the image. Then he sobered slightly before glaring at her. “You’re
no fun at all, Evans. No wonder you’re a *prude.*” Instantly, James knew that he had
*definitely* said the wrong thing.

Lily didn’t say a word, but she didn’t have to. Her eyes showed that she was extremely angry.
“How dare you…even…think of saying that to me!” she finally spluttered out.

“What’s wrong, Evans?” taunted James. “Afraid to admit it, eh? Evans is a bloody prude! And of
course she is. She has to maintain that ‘Perfect Head Girl image.’”

“I am not a prude,” snarled Lily. “And I refuse to be…” she faltered and did not understand why.
She looked up at James and saw that he did not look angry like she did, but annoyed. She always had
to have the last word--always had to insult him for his lack of maturity and it seemed to bother
him. “My personal life is none of your business, Potter.”

“What personal life?” snapped James. “You have no life outside school and homework. I don’t see
you with friends. Do you even *have* friends?”

“Remus is my friend.” Suddenly, Lily felt very strong. These accusations of James’ were cruel
and heartless and hit far too close to home. “…and Sirius,” she added as an afterthought. It was
true. Lily had known that the Marauders became Animagi for Remus—Remus told her himself, knowing
that she was too clever for her own good and would have noticed the three of the other Marauders
disappeared every full moon as well. She would have become suspicious and asked how they stayed
with him—might as well quell her curiosity, he had said. The other Marauders were very upset with
Remus for spilling such a dangerous secret and the row that followed lasted quite a few weeks.

After that incident, the Marauders took to almost stalking Lily to ensure that their secret was
in fact, a secret. James loved the idea of following around the girl he had been chasing for years,
and it was during that time that he discovered a lot more about Lily that made him absolutely adore
her. “You happen to be friends with *my* friends.”

It took little more than a week for Lily to finally get frustrated with having the Marauders tag
along everywhere she went before she exploded. Having them follow her into a girls’ lavatory to
ensure that she did not tell any of the girls in the school was quite far enough. Since then, she
became good friends with Sirius. His joking nature made it easy to cheer up the saddest person and
sometimes Lily just needed some cheering up. Of course, she wasn’t as close to Sirius as she was
with Remus. Her relationship with Peter was…odd, to say the least. They were on friendly terms and
she only spoke to him when he needed help with a question or two about schoolwork and that was it.
And *everyone* knew about her strained relationship with James.

“They’re my friends, as well. You never claimed them!”

James growled in frustration. He just didn’t understand this girl. He was head-over-heels for
her, but she was just so damn frustrating! The next thing James said surprised him just as much as
it surprised Lily.

“I don’t know why I bother anymore, Evans. You’re not worth it. You aren’t worth wasting time
for.” He didn’t know why he had just said it, but that he could not stop himself from voicing his
frustrations.

Lily frowned. That was very un-Potter like. “You *have* been wasting your time, Potter,
*six* years worth of your time. It’s highly unbelievable that you’re giving up *now.* Of
course, I don’t care if you give up on me—it would be a relief. It’s just odd.”

*He just can’t do that.*

**Of course he can. It’s not as if I gave him the time of day.**

*You don’t want him to give up. You want to give him a chance. You’re just too scared.*

***Why would I give him a chance after six years of* not *giving him a
chance?***

*People change.*

Lily really thought she was going mental. She was now having arguments with herself!

“Why do you hate me, Evans? Honestly, what is that I did to you? I just don’t understand how you
can hate me when you don’t even know me! You know Remus…probably just as well as I do. You know
Sirius…to an extent. But you know absolutely *nothing* about me. And when I first met you, I
thought you were the one person who would not judge me because of my looks or my name. You didn’t,
which I am thankful for, which makes you different from all the other girls. But it also made you
hate me. I just don’t understand…” James was confused more than ever and about to rip all his hair
off his head.

Lily quickly grabbed his hands in her own and gently pulled them away from his hair. “Girls
wouldn’t like it much if you went bald,” she murmured, releasing his hands just as quickly as she
had grabbed them.

“See, there you go again! I don’t understand you!” he cried in irritation. “Are
you…*jealous* or something?”

“No. I…I don’t know. Don’t do this, Potter. Don’t…accuse me of things like that.”

“Why the bloody hell not? You’re ALWAYS accusing me of things.” He was right and he knew it.

She *had* been unfair to him and all he wanted was a chance, a chance she had denied him
since first year. “Potter…”

“Lily!” one of her roommates interrupted their conversation as she walked towards the portrait
hole. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I interrupt something?” she questioned.

“No!” Lily said quickly. “Do you still need my help with that wand movement, Anne?” she
asked.

The girl nodded, muttered the password, and as the portrait opened, she was followed by both
Lily and James. The two girls departed from James swiftly and made their way to a corner of the
common room where the other seventh-year girls sat.

“What in Merlin’s name was that about?” Remus asked when James finally sat himself on the couch
beside Sirius.

“Nothing,” said James, “nothing at all.”

Remus looked at him curiously but did not push the subject.

The next day of classes was uneventful, unless you count the Potions incident in which Sirius
blew up Severus’ caldron and earned another day of detention on Monday. Thankfully they had the
afternoon off and it was Friday. Saturday was almost here. The Marauders had a detention with
McGonagall at eight o’clock in which they had finally beaten the old school record with 1,024
detentions. The Marauders knew that by the end of the year, they would have beaten the old record
by a lot.

While the Marauders were serving their detention, Lily sat at a table in the common room,
thinking about James Potter. It was just so irritating how he knew how to get right under her skin
as if he knew her weaknesses. She thought about how arrogantly he carried himself, always a swagger
in his step.

*It isn’t arrogance. It’s confidence.*

She thought of the way he ruffled his hair, making it look even more a mess than it normally
was. She wondered if he had ever even used a comb before…

*You have to admit that his hair is kind of cute…*

She thought of how he had singled-out Severus Snape and ruined the Slytherin’s life. No one
should hex someone just because they don’t like them.

*You hex James just because you don’t like him…*

***But it doesn’t mean that he can* torture *him just because he exists. He probably
only saved Snape because he knew that if Snape died, he have no one else to pick on,*** argued
another voice in her head.

*Snivellus deserves it.*

“Shut up,” Lily said to the voices in her head.

The boy sitting at the table across from her looked at her strangely before moving to another
table. He kept shooting Lily odd glances to make sure that she was perfectly all right.

She gave him an annoyed look and he stopped. She spent over an hour thinking about what she
hated about James and was only countered with a thought about the *good* part of those traits
or how she was judging him unfairly. She was frustrated to say that least. To get her mind off of
James, she attempted to write her an essay for Transfiguration that was due on Wednesday.

At 9:10, the Marauders ambled into the common room. They made their way over to their favourite
couch by the fire which was currently occupied by a group of 3rd year girls. When they
saw James and Sirius, they rushed toward their dormitories in a fit of giggles.

Remus sat on another sofa by himself while Peter took an armchair closer to the fire. He pulled
out a book.

James and Sirius both sat on opposite sides of the couch. The two of them discussing the latest
Quidditch news while Peter listened intently.

The same sixth-year girl who followed James around constantly fell between the two of them and
instantly started a conversation with him.

James put a pained smile on his face and nodded absently at whatever she was saying.

Sirius looked irritated that the conversation he was having with his best friend was
interrupted. Although Sirius liked girls very much--it was right up there with food and sleep--he
did not like his conversations interrupted.

Remus looked up from his book and saw Lily watching James and the girl’s interaction. He caught
her eye and motioned her over.

Lily sighed, pushed aside the essay that she had started, and walked over to where the Marauders
were. She plopped down on the couch beside Remus and looked at him, clearly bored.

He smiled weakly at her, jerked his head towards James and the girl, and pretended to gag.

Without James to talk to, Sirius was bored. “Lily!” he exclaimed happily.

“Evans?” James was not addressing her but questioning her as to why she was there.

“Just thought I’d talk a bit with Remus,” she replied, shrugging slightly.

Sirius frowned.

“…and with Sirius.”

“*I* was talking with Sirius,” said James.

“Yes, you *were*, you aren’t now,” pointed our Sirius. “So Lily decided to be the good
friend that she is and talk with Remus and me while you chatted with this lovely lady here. I mean,
we don’t want to intrude on such an *engaging* conversation.” Sirius smiled as James shot him
a look of irritation.

The girl next James began pouting because he wasn’t paying any attention to her. “Jamie…” she
whined.

“Melinda, go bother someone else,” said Sirius offhandedly.

The girl huffed, “My name is *Melanie*.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Sirius waved his hand in annoyance. “Melanie…Melinda… What’s the difference?”

The girl glared dangerously at Sirius before leaving to join her friends and bursting into
tears.

“I thought her name was *Melissa*,” said James suddenly.

Sirius chuckled and threw an arm around James.

“You really aren’t Prince Charming, you know that, Prongs?”

“Yeah, yeah. I also know that I’m a pig-headed jerk. Isn’t that right, Evans? Since you are
obviously very well-educated about my finer traits...”

“I prefer to continue calling you an insufferable git, if you don’t mind. But if you prefer I
could call you arrogant or a bullying toe-rag, or…”

“Yes, yes,” said James impatiently. “I’ve heard this all before. Despite what you think, Evans,
I can actually remember what you’ve said to me.”

Lily shrugged. “You could have fooled me, you know, with you constantly asking me out and all. I
thought I hadn’t gotten the message across to you.”

“Ha ha, you’re a funny one,” said James dryly.

“I try. Anyway, I should finish my homework…” she muttered to herself.

James looked at her in shock. “You really need to loosen up, Evans. Homework on a Friday? It’s
unheard of!”

“James is right, Lily, it *is* Friday night. Have some fun. Relax! Stay and chat,” said
Remus. “We haven’t talked much since a few days ago,” he started. “How are classes going?”

“Good—homework is getting more difficult, but that’s expected now that it’s N.E.W.T year. How
are you all getting along?”

“I’m struggling still,” said Peter, a bit embarrassed.

“It’s alright, Peter. Remus, maybe we could start that study group again this year. You could
join us Peter,” Lily said, smiling encouragingly at him.

James smiled as well. One thing that he absolutely loved about Lily was that she so kind to
everyone.

“Could I really?” he squeaked.

“If that’s alright with you, Remus,” said Lily quickly.

“Oh, definitely, Peter. I’m surprised you didn’t join us last year.”


“I would have!” exclaimed Peter. “But I joined another study group…they didn’t help much though.
Didn’t have enough patience with me I guess.”

“Don’t worry, Peter. We’ll help you,” said Lily, confident that with enough help and
encouragement, Peter would turn out to be quite a hard worker. It wasn’t that he was dumb; it was
more that he didn’t put enough effort or thought into what he did. He tried to act just like James
and Sirius, who did not put much effort into their schoolwork.

“Thanks, Lily,” mumbled Peter.

Lily smiled and James’ breath got caught in his throat. He loved it when she smiled; it was so
*beautiful.* He then remembered that he was supposed to be getting over her. That smile just
made it all the more difficult. He could lie to her and to his friends but he couldn’t lie to
himself. His friends would probably see through his lies anyway, that’s why they were his best
friends.

“Prongs, you know what would be interesting?” questioned Remus. He just had to see James’
reaction to this…

“What?”

“You should create a list of Lily’s attractive traits.”

James looked as though he was going to bite Remus’ head off and Lily felt a tinge of blush creep
up her cheeks.

“No, thank you,” mumbled James.

“Why not? We’re all dying to know why you fancy our darling Lily so much,” joked Sirius.

“Well, I don’t fancy her anymore,” snapped James.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I highly doubt that, mate. You can’t get over her in like…a day. It’s
impossible. Now do it! Who knows. Maybe if you find all the traits you like about her, she really
will seem repulsive.”

“Hey!” Lily exclaimed indignantly.

“Ah, just kidding, love. Who could find you repulsive?”

Peter decided that he hadn’t added much to the conversation, so he decided to throw in his
thoughts. “I think that it’s a great idea. C’mon Prongs, what hurt will it do?”

*What hurt will it do?* thought James darkly. *Thinking of all her attractive qualities
won’t make me get over her. It will only increase my feelings for her. How do my friends always
know when to say the wrong things?*

But in the end, James decided that he might as well. He assured himself that it was *only*
to please Remus and Sirius who were almost on their knees, begging him to do it.

*Why do they care so much anyway?*

“Ah, get it over with, Prongs. We’d love to see what you have to say about lovely Lily,” said
Sirius.

“Who said I was letting *you* read it? I’d never hear the end of it, Padfoot.”

Sirius looked offended. “You break my heart, Prongs. Don’t you want ol’ Padfoot’s opinion?”

“No, not really,” James replied, pulling out a piece of parchment, ink, and a quill. “Things I
Like About Lily,” he stated while writing it out on the top of the parchment.

“Lovely title, Prongs, very original,” said Sirius wryly. “How long did it take you think of
it?”

Sirius pulled out a bunch of candy boxes from his pockets and dumped them on the table,
motioning for them all to take as much candy as they wanted. He took a Licorice Wand and watched in
amusement as James bit the tip of his quill in thought before scratching down everything he could
think of.

Lily stared at the parchment in amazement—he could just keep on going!

Remus put a restraining hand on James’ shoulder.

“Prongs, mate, you’re going to scare her away…” James frowned and looked to Lily who smirked,
amused.

*She’s going to know I was lying when I said that she wasn’t worth it. She’s going to know it.
Merlin, I never knew unrequited love could hurt so badly.*

“Alright, Potter, let’s see it then.”

James looked at the parchment in his hands and then back up at Lily. It was obvious that he was
a bit reluctant to hand Lily all the reasons why he had chased after her for years. “Well, I—”

“Why’d you think we asked you to do it, Prongs? So you could write it down and keep it hidden
under you bed?” asked Remus.

“Yes, well it feels much better to get it off my chest. I’d rather she didn’t read it. I mean,
these are reasons why I *fancy* her—”

“Ah-ha! So you do still like me then!” Lily cried out in triumph. She *knew* he couldn’t
have possibly given up on her yet, but that did not ease her troubled mind. She rather enjoyed the
prospect of not having Potter asking her out every day. Come to think of it, he had yet to ask her
out this year.

James ignored her last statement. “—it’s much more difficult to give someone you like a list of
all the reasons *why* you like them!”

Lily looked a bit taken back. James had never cared what anyone thought about him. Now, he’s
suddenly worried what she will think about him once she knows why he’s chased after her for so many
years?

James finally conceded and handed the list over to Lily, his cheeks tinged with blush.

Lily grinned. “Ah, is James Potter actually *blushing?*”

James muttered something that resembled “Only you…” and dropped his head into his hands.

Sirius got off the couch and squished himself between Remus and Lily just so he could read the
list.

Lily tried to look the list over which proved to be difficult because she had to keep pushing
Sirius’ head away.

“I want to read it!” whined Sirius.

“As it’s written about *me*, I think I have the right to read it first and then decide
whether or not you *deserve* to read it.”

Sirius pretended to wipe away a tear. “You and James are both cruel to me…not wanting poor
Padfoot’s opinion. You fit well together, you know? Both hot-tempered and independent…must be a
great quality to have when you--”

Lily smacked him upside the head.

“Ow,” he murmured as he rubbed his head.

“Sirius! Stop!”

Sirius had gone back to trying to read the list and Lily had only gotten through the first two
things.

She pushed Sirius’ head back again but this time he bit her finger. “Sirius!” screeched
Lily.

Sirius grinned sheepishly.

“Great, just great,” muttered Lily. “…probably going to get some kind of Sirius disease.”

“I’m not diseased. I only have fleas!” he pouted.

“Oh, that’s even better.”

“Bad boy,” admonished Lily, examining her bitten finger.

“I’m sorry, Lily. I get excited, sometimes, you know.”

Lily smiled. “Yes, yes, we do know. But it’s alright.”

“I knew you’d have it in your heart to forgive me!” He got up and did a little jig. “Now…let me
read that list…”

“Sirius, *I* haven’t even read the list yet, let me read it for Potter’s sake. The poor
bloke’s about to die from embarrassment.”

It was true. James was still sitting with his head resting in his hands but from what could be
seen—he was as red as a tomato. Lily and Sirius arguing over the list was torture. He just wanted
Lily to read the list, laugh, and tell him how stupid he was. Just to get it over with.

Sirius sat down calmly on the couch once more and watched Lily’s expression change from
amusement to shock to embarrassment and different shades in between. It was highly amusing.

**Things I Like About Lily**

1. Her emerald eyes

2. Her flaming red hair and the way it shines in the firelight

3. She's cute when she's angry

4. The way she treats others with respect and dignity (even slimy Slytherins)

5. The way she walks

6. She's always willing to help someone in need

7. She's intelligent

8. She sees the beauty in everyone

9. She's a wonderful listener

10. She cares about everyone

11. She's confident about herself and her abilities

12. Her voice

13. She's entrancing

14. She's stubborn

15. She's an outstanding friend

16. She's gifted at Charms

17. She has a beautiful smile

18. She loves to make people laugh

19. She doesn't like me just because I'm "James Potter"--actually, she
doesn't like me, period

20. She's not like other girls, in a good way, of course

21. She's unique

22. She has a dynamic personality

23. She's secretive--she doesn't wear her heart on her sleeve

24. She's brave and generous

25. She's determined

26. She's highly motivated

27. She's trustworthy

28. She's brutally honest (even Padfoot isn't *that* honest!)

29. She's unpredictable

Lily opened her mouth to say something but the words could not come out.

Sirius snatched the list from her hand, but this time she did not object. She was staring at
James so intently; almost willing him to lift his head so that she could in his eyes if everything
he wrote was true.

*Of course, it’s true—he wouldn’t have written it if it wasn’t,* a nagging voice reminded
her.

**He said he was over me! He said I wasn’t worth the time. Writing this obviously proved he
isn’t over me, not yet. Can’t he make up his bloody mind?**

Lily sighed. It was as if there were two of her. One wanted her to see the real James--the James
she refused to give a chance to shine. The other thought it was a waste of time and James would
always be arrogant, bullying, pig-headed James.

Sirius let out a derisive snort, “No, my mate is definitely not obsessed with you Lily.”

“Well, they were rather flattering remarks,” Lily said slowly.

James looked up suddenly, his glasses were askew and his hair was sticking up everywhere—the
result of his indecision and insecurity the last few minutes. “You think so?” he croaked.

“Yes, well besides the fact that you watch me enough to notice all that.”

James shot her an angry look and shrugged. “Remus could probably make up a list just like that
and *he* doesn’t watch you all the time.”

“Prongs, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem,” Remus said. “And you have
a problem, many actually, but the one I’m referring to includes our lovely friend, Ms. Evans, and
your overzealous attempts to win her affections. Now these attempts do include stalking her to the
point of her having a mental breakdown, remember that?”

James grimaced. Of course, he remembered that.

She was very angry and he had been on the receiving end of her anger, once again.

*I never knew there was so much you could say about a person,* Lily thought as she glanced
at the list that was clutched tightly in Sirius’ hand.

“Now, Lily,” Sirius started. “All you’ve got to do is make a list about all the stuff you love
about James!”

“Why do I need to do that?”

“It’s only fair. He isn’t all bad! I’m sure you could find his good qualities. I mean, unless
you create a list as to why you hate him. That’d be more useful for Prongs; he’d know what it was
about him that irritates you. I’m sure Prongs would love to create a list of all reasons why he
hates you. But he doesn’t hate you and you’re perfect—nothing that he could hate anyways,” Sirius
said, kissing her sloppily on the cheek.

Lily rolled her eyes but frowned. There was that word again. Perfect. Who could ever think she
was perfect when all she was composed of were flaws? How could no one see that inside, she was just
as bruised and torn as everyone else was? How could no one just see that she was human; she made
mistakes, she cried, and she hurt? There could not possibly be a human being that was perfect. But
no one seemed to understand this concept but her.

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” encouraged Sirius.

Lily shrugged.

“You’re absolutely no fun at all, Lily Evans!” exclaimed Sirius.

“Yes, and you’re impossible, Sirius Black.”

“Not impossible to get into bed,” he replied with a wink.

“And the corrupt Sirius Black returns…” said James.

“Aw, c’mon Prongs. Don’t tell me that *you’ve* never…” Sirius’ eyes grew wide in
realization. “YOU HAVEN’T?!”

James looked up in shock, motioning for Sirius to be quiet. He looked around the room to see if
anyone had noticed. “You never asked. Anyways, if I *had*, I would’ve told you, wouldn’t I?”
James questioned, though he ruffled his hair nervously.

“James, you’ve never—” Peter started but was cut off as James threw a pillow at his head.

“Moony, did you know about this?” Sirius asked in disbelief.

Remus shrugged. “I had my suspicions…”

The rest of what Remus was saying was lost to James as he tuned out the barrage of embarrassing
comments about his sex life. To say that James was utterly embarrassed almost seemed an
understatement. He had already buried his head into his arms to avoid the eyes of the other
Marauders’.

“Leave him alone,” said Lily suddenly.

Sirius fell off the couch and looked at Lily in amazement. Lily was *defending* James? What
was this world coming to? His mouth was hanging open and he just looked at her in shock. “You
just…defended him!”

“And *you* didn’t let me finish my sentence. I was going to say ‘Leave him alone, it’s not
his fault he doesn’t get much action. Blame it on the giant squid.’ But you rudely interrupted
me.”

Sirius tried to control his laughter but every time he looked at James’ face, he broke out into
hysterics.

“Yes, yes because we all know that the girls love the giant squid more than Prongsie-boy.”

“I’ve always found the giant squid to be quite more…endearing than Potter.”

“Alright, I think we’ve had enough of making fun of Prongs,” said Remus.

“Yes, I quite agree,” snapped James, looking at Lily with even more dislike.

*That was definitely uncalled for.*

“Easy there, mate, it’s all in good fun,” Sirius said, pulling himself back onto the couch and
grabbing the last chocolate frog from the table.

“Yeah, well how about we discuss how Professor McGonagall almost walked in on…”

Sirius had begun choking on a piece of his chocolate frog. “Let’s not,” Sirius said hastily
after he coughed up a leg.

Lily admired the relationship that James and Sirius had. They were inseparable and held no
secrets from one another. It was something that she had wanted all her life. After Adam’s death,
she had given up on trusting people or she thought she had.

It had taken two years for Remus to fully gain her trust but it was worth it in the end. Lily
was an *amazing* friend to have. “Lily? Lils? LILY!” Sirius exclaimed, tugging on her hair
gently.

“Let go,” groaned Lily.

“You weren’t paying attention to me! I had to make you pay attention!”

“Since when did my world revolve around *you*?”

“It always has, love.”

“Oh yes, how could I have forgotten? Silly me.”

James frowned. How could she get along with Remus, Sirius, *and* Peter, but not him? What
made him *so* different from them?

“What’s the problem tonight, Prongs and Lily?” asked Peter. “You keep spacing out.”

“Nothing,” Lily and James murmured in unison.

Remus shook his head. “You are way too alike and you haven’t even realized it yet.”

“How so?” questioned Lily.

Remus smirked. “Well, for one, you both hide your *true* thoughts until you’re all alone
with poor Moony as your little confidant.”

“*Poor* Moony? No, no, Moony enjoys listening to us complain and being a good friend,”
replied James.

“The Marauders wouldn’t have been able to accomplish *half* the pranks we pulled without
you and your brilliant brain, Moony,” added Sirius, catching Remus in a headlock and dragging him
to the ground.

Lily smiled at them playfully fighting on the ground. Again, her thoughts of their friendship
were dragged to the forefront of her mind. It was then that she first caught a glimpse of the James
she had never noticed before. He was staring intently at his friends, a smile on his face, and his
eyes alight with a fire she had never seen before. It was one of contentment and happiness—one he
only wore around his friends because it was only with them that he was truly happy.

She wondered what it was that was bothering him lately. His snide remarks and vile personality
made him hardly the person she’d want to converse with.

**Why are you thinking of James Potter again?**

*Nothing wrong with thinking about him, he* is *good looking after all.*

**You must stop thinking about James Potter.**

*Of course, you mustn’t. He’s changed. He hasn’t even asked you out yet this year!*

These voices were really irritating.

Lily bit her lip in thought and wondered how long these two arguing voices were going to go
on.

*Probably until I prove one of them wrong,* she thought bitterly.

Sirius finally let go of Remus’ neck and Remus let go of Sirius’ leg. Both sat up at the same
time, panting for breath, but grinning madly at one another.

“You two are goofs,” said Lily, kicking them playfully.

Sirius eyed Remus, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Remus nodded and before Lily could say
another word, Remus and Sirius grabbed both her legs and pulled her to the floor with them.

She landed with an “oomph!” on top of Remus.

“Hello, Lily,” said he.

“Care to join us down here, Prongs?” asked Sirius.

“No thanks. I prefer to watch from the sidelines, you know, in case things get too cosy.” He
ducked just in time to avoid three couch cushions that were thrown at his head.



4. Treading in Unfamiliar Territory
-----------------------------------

**Chapter Four: Treading in Unfamiliar Territory**

September had slowly faded into October and truly marked the end of summer. October brought
colder weather and more rain. October also meant the start of the Quidditch season, and the
prospect of the first Hogsmeade trip which would be announced when the Head Boy and Girl had made a
decision. However, Lily’s relationship with James mirrored the turbulent thunderstorms that often
flooded the seasonal change from summer to autumn which meant that coming to an agreement would be
difficult.

Lily and James had decided to meet after classes in the library to discuss possible dates for
the Hogsmeade weekend. They had been there for nearly an hour and were nowhere closer to coming to
a decision.

“What about the twenty-second?” Lily questioned, chewing thoughtfully on the tip of her
quill.

“No,” James said immediately, tipping the chair he was sitting in so that it balanced on its
back legs.

Lily looked up, annoyed. “Why not? And put that chair down. This is a library, not a circus,”
she snapped.

James complied and replied, “I was planning on having Quidditch practice that day.”

“You’ve said ‘no’ to every other Saturday I’ve suggested because of Quidditch practice, Potter,”
Lily said. “We might as well not have a bloody Hogsmeade trip this month if we’re to revolve around
*your* schedule.”

“I’m Quidditch Captain, Evans. It’s my last year, and Gryffindor *must* win the Quidditch
Cup.”

“You must have some high expectations for your team, then,” Lily retorted.

James slammed his hand down onto the table.

“Mr. Potter, restrain yourself or you’ll be forced to leave,” Madame Pince said as she walked by
on her way to find a book for a first year.

James waited for Madame Pince to leave before he hissed, “Damn it, Evans! Can’t you just, for
once, keep your remarks to yourself? I’m getting tired of it.”

“Well excuse me, Mr. High and Mighty Quidditch Captain. I’m sorry if I’m just a bit frustrated
that you can’t help me decide on a date for the upcoming Hogsmeade trip. Every suggestion I make is
automatically discarded because you have Quidditch practice or something equally and pathetically
unimportant. I haven’t heard *one* suggestion from you,” Lily ranted. She sighed heavily and
slumped in her seat, ignoring James’ protests.

“How’s it going?” Remus interrupted, slipping into the seat besides James. Lily glared at him
reproachfully. “Not so good, I take it.”

“You can deal with him, Remus,” Lily said, getting up and grabbing her things in one fluid
motion. She walked out of the library, her shoulders stooped slightly from her weariness.

Remus let out a long, slow breath. “What did you do, Prongs?”

Lily clutched her books tighter to her chest, and sighed. Professor Dumbledore needed a date
before the night was over and they were no nearer to coming to a decision. Lily silently wondered
why they could not agree on anything.

She reached the common room and muttered the password. The Fat Lady smiled sympathetically at
her before swinging open. She trudged up the stairs to her dormitory and dropped her books onto her
night table.

“Have you decided a date for the Hogsmeade trip yet?” Anne questioned, looking up from her
homework.

Lily gracelessly plopped down on her bed and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. “No,”
she muttered. “And we’re nowhere nearer to deciding one.”

Anne smirked. “I’m sure if James wasn’t Head Boy, the date would’ve been set already.”

“I know. We need to set a date by tonight, and I don’t know what to do.” Lily sounded
exasperated and weary. Anne came over and sat down on Lily’s bed, and patted her hand
understandingly.

“Well, talk with him again after dinner. If you can’t come to any conclusion, talk to Professor
Dumbledore.”

“And say what? ‘I’m sorry Professor Dumbledore but James and I have not yet come to a decision
because we can’t seem to agree upon anything. Please, why don’t you just remove us from the Head
positions because it’s obvious we can’t work together,’” Lily replied.

Anne sighed. “You’re right,” she said. She gave Lily a half-smile before getting up and going
back to her homework. “I’m sorry, Lily. I don’t seem to be much of a help.”

“That’s all right, Anne. James isn’t much of a help either,” said Lily. She absently pulled some
loose threads from her duvet and then groaned.

Anne glanced up from her homework. “What is it now?”

“It’s just…this is our first real Head duty together, and if we can’t do this, what if Professor
Dumbledore really does take away our badges? This school can’t have Heads that don’t get along,
especially during such a dark time. I could work with *anyone* except James. We just can’t
agree. We’ve never been able to agree.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Lily. I just think that you need to set aside your differences.
The school is divided as it is. We don’t need our Head Boy and Girl to be divided as well.”

Lily nodded in agreement. “Let’s go to dinner, Anne. I’ll try and get James after, I
suppose.”

Anne nodded and they descended the dormitory stairs and excited the common room. The Great Hall
was already filling when they arrived and they quickly found seats with the other girls from their
dormitory.

“Hello,” James said, stopping behind Lily and greeting her roommates.

“Hi James,” the girls chorused.

“Which one of you lovely ladies would like to accompany me to Hogsmeade?”

Anne looked at Lily questioningly. Lily shook her head in confusion.

“Oh, you’ve decided on a date, then?” asked Sophia, one of Lily’s roommates.

“The twenty-ninth,” James replied. Lily turned around quickly and almost knocked over the
pitcher of pumpkin juice.

“What?” she exclaimed. “I had no say in that.”

“Yes you did. It was the first date you suggested because it was the weekend before
Halloween.”

“You said we couldn’t. You wanted to fit in one more Quidditch practice because your first match
is the thirtieth.”

“The team can miss one day of practice. We’ll be practicing all week anyway,” James said.

Lily felt as though she could shriek with rage. “James Potter, you—you are the most frustrating
person I have ever met, let alone work with.” Lily flung her hands up in exasperation. “We sat in
that library for over an hour with you saying ‘no’ to every date I suggested. And now, *now*,
you walk into the Great Hall as though you were Merlin himself, making the final decision without
my opinion! It’s…it’s…*frustrating*,” Lily ended lamely.

“But I did have your opinion,” James replied. “You suggested the date, so that means you thought
it was a good date. Now, I’m just reinforcing that idea.”

This time, Lily did shriek with rage, and she grabbed James by the front of his robes, dragging
him out of the Great Hall.

“Dragging me off for a snog before dinner, eh?”

“Shut it, Potter. You are absolutely infuriating,” Lily snapped angrily as she shoved James
against the wall and glared at him. “How could you…how could you do that to me? In front of my
roommates?”

“Do what?” James asked, cocking his head to one side.

“Embarrass me,” Lily said, her eyes challenging him to say otherwise. James sobered and
frowned.

“Since when did you care about what people thought of you?”

“That doesn’t matter! What matters is that I wasted an hour of my time disagreeing with you. And
then, in the end, you decide on the first idea I had suggested. If you had just agreed in the first
place, we could have been done in five minutes. But *no*, you just have to be difficult
and—”

“Oh, get over it, Evans,” James cried. “When are you just going to stop thinking about yourself?
I could have been doing something much more important than spend an hour of my time with
*you*—”

“*I* should stop thinking about myself? That’s rich coming from you, Potter,” Lily scoffed.
“You are the most self-centred—”

James groaned in frustration and sunk down to the floor, his hands dangling between his bent
knees. “This won’t work,” he muttered.

Lily stopped her tirade and looked at him in surprise. “What won’t work?”

“Us…as Head Boy and Girl.”

“I know,” Lily said quietly. “We’re too different.”

James shook his head. “We’re not different. We’re more alike than you know. We just don’t share
the same views, and when we’re wrong, we’re too stubborn to admit that we made a mistake.”

Lily was silent. She watched James tug at the cuff of his robes and then ruffle his hair.
“What?” she asked.

He looked up questioningly. “Hmm?”

“You’re nervous. You’re doing that thing with your hair,” she said, gesticulating with her
hands.

James chuckled, and then opened his mouth before shutting it again. “Do you think I should
resign as Head Boy?” he asked finally, looking up at her. His gaze had softened, and he looked
troubled.

Lily bit her lip in thoughtful concentration. Finally, she said, “No.”

“Lily,” James started, “we can’t decide on anything. It won’t work.”

Lily shook her head. “We’ll make it work. There’s a reason why Professor Dumbledore made us Head
Boy and Girl.”

James looked confused. “First, you call me infuriating and you say how you’ve never worked with
anyone as frustrating as me before. Now, when I offer, freely mind you, to resign as Head Boy, you
won’t let me?”

Lily shrugged. “We—” She was interrupted by the sound of hundreds of students exiting the Great
Hall. “We should tell Professor Dumbledore that we’ve decided on a Hogsmeade date,” Lily said,
though James knew it wasn’t what she had planned on saying.

James nodded and got up. Together, they walked silently. James said the password when they
reached the entrance to Dumbledore’s office and the stone gargoyle jumped aside. They climbed the
spiralling staircase and entered his office without saying a word to one another.

“Ah, so you have decided on a date then, yes?”

“We were thinking about the twenty-ninth of October, sir,” Lily replied, fidgeting slightly
under the gaze of the Headmaster.

“The day before the first Quidditch match of the season. Are you all right with this decision,
James?”

“Yes, sir. I’ll be working the team hard all week. They’ll need a much deserved break.”

“Very well. I’ll put a notice on the bulletin board tomorrow morning. Oh, and before you go, I
must congratulate you. You both are still alive and without injuries after making your first
decision together.” Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled merrily.

Lily and James nodded and took their leave. Again, they were silent as they walked back to the
common room.

James, who had longer legs, was several steps ahead of Lily but he paused and allowed her to
catch up before continuing down the corridor towards the common room.

James suddenly stopped and blurted, “I’m sorry.”

Lily turned around and looked at him, puzzled. “What for?”

“For embarrassing you and being an absolute toad. I know that I can be aggravating, but I don’t
mean it. I’m not normally like this.”

“Yes you are,” Lily said. She began to walk again, and James quickly caught up to her.

“Around you, yeah. But when I’m with friends like Sirius or Remus, I’m not. You make me all
jittery and nervous. When you get angry at me, I’m angry with myself for cocking it up so badly and
then I take my frustrations out on you because that’s what you do to me all the time and—”

“And you’re rambling,” Lily interrupted, smiling slightly. She looked up at James and saw him
flush.

“See? I don’t normally ramble either.”

“Of course you don’t,” Lily absently replied.

James was silent. They had given up on heading to Gryffindor Tower and were standing in a
deserted corridor, overlooking the grounds through a dusty window. The hall was dark except for the
torches that hung every few feet of wall.

Lily watched James. She noticed the way the firelight danced in the frames of his glasses and
cast shadows on his face. She never realised how troubled he really was when given the chance to
let down the defences he wore around everyone else. She was glad that he had removed his false
façade, and she felt as though he was giving her the chance to really see him like Remus and Sirius
and Peter saw him, see him as she had always wanted to see him when he wasn’t showing off. He
rested his hands on either side of the window and gazed down at the melding shadows that moved with
the wind and crept through the trees, the same shadows that haunted Lily’s dreams.

Breaking the silence, Lily asked, “Aren’t you ever afraid? Of Voldemort and all this death, I
mean?”

James turned to look at her properly in the light and leaned against the stone wall; a casual
action that Lily knew was all too defining of James.

“Of course I’m afraid, Lily. Who do you think I am? Despite what you might think, I’m not Merlin
reincarnated. Though we all know that I certainly could pass as him,” James added to lighten the
tone of the conversation.

“It’s just—you seem so unaffected by all that’s going on,” Lily said. “You talk about the future
and what you and Sirius plan on doing after Hogwarts. And I can’t help but wonder how you can be so
certain that there will be a future. You’ve seen the destruction Voldemort has already been causing
and we don’t know how much longer he’ll be wreaking havoc in our world. I’m scared, James,” Lily
admitted, looking down at the floor.

James stepped towards her and tentatively wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to
him.

“It’s okay to be scared,” he murmured in her hair.

Lily stepped out of his embrace and let out a strangled laugh. She silently berated herself for
allowing James, *of all people*, to see her during a moment of weakness. James coughed
nervously and ran his fingers through his already mussed hair.

“We should head back to the common room,” James said finally.

Lily nodded and they continued on their way down the corridor.

“Er, do you—do you think that maybe we can be friends?” James asked, looking at her
hopefully.

“On what terms?” Lily asked, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“Lily,” James warned.

Lily smirked, but then shrugged. “I don’t know. Don’t you think it’s kind of sudden? We were
just about to kill each other only a few hours before. You can’t just up and decide to be friends
with a person you’ve claimed to hate for six years.” Lily shook her head. “It just doesn’t work
that way.”

James frowned. “Why not?”

“Because it doesn’t,” Lily sighed.

“You’ve never *really* hated me, have you?” James asked abruptly.

She hesitated for a moment. But then she answered, honestly, “No. Even if I had really hated
you, it would do us no good. We are living in an age where hatred dictates peoples’ lives. It is
the driving force behind Voldemort and his followers. It feeds them with the power that they so
desperately crave.”

James nodded. They finally reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. She smiled amiable at them and
opened when James said the password. The common room was full of students working on homework or
just conversing with their friends. The rest of the Marauders were sitting at a table in the
corner, a small candle burning between them. Sirius noticed Lily and James and waved them over.

“Thanks for leaving us at dinner,” Peter said without looking up from the parchment on which he
was scribbling a note.

“Sorry,” James murmured. “Lily and I had some things to settle.”

Remus nibbled on the edge of a Honeydukes’ chocolate bar and looked particularly at Lily. “And
did you?” he asked.

James looked at Lily who, in turn, shrugged noncommittally. “For the most part.”

“That’s good,” Sirius replied. He then motioned to the empty chairs at the table. “Sit down and
join us in our merry mischief making.”

“You know that as Head Boy…” James started as he sat down across from Sirius.

“Ah, Prongs, since when has that ever stopped you?” Sirius asked, his eyes gleaming with the
maniacal glint that appeared when he was causing mayhem.

James, again, looked to Lily, who had taken a seat beside Remus and was quietly speaking with
him. She looked up when she felt his eyes on her and gave a half-smile.

“As long as it doesn’t involve Slytherins or causing anyone harm, I’ll pretend I didn’t hear a
thing,” Lily said.

“Whoa, whoa,” Sirius exclaimed. “You would’ve bit James’ head off before, what’s with the
change?”

“James knows his limits as Head Boy, and if he crosses them, well, at least I won’t have to
worry about having to work with him again.”

James smiled at Lily, and proceeded to discuss, at length, the parchment that Peter had been
scribbling on. His eyes lit up and a passionate fire burned within them as he pointed to a specific
line. Sirius nodded in agreement. Lily watched as they bent over the parchment, talking to one
another in hushed, excited voices. She saw the way that Sirius’ head always tilted slightly towards
James’ when he talked, and the way that Sirius and James kept one another in check, and how Remus
kept them *all* under control, even when they were all understandably excited. And for once,
Lily felt as though she belonged to something wonderful; a circle of almost complete opposite
people inexplicably drawn together in such a tight-knit group of friends. She smiled and noted that
at that moment, she would not have cared if they had been planning the end of the world because she
finally understood what it felt like for them to be together as ‘the Marauders’ and she never
wanted to ruin that for them.