Counting Stars

FieryStar90

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 22/03/2005
Last Updated: 22/03/2005
Status: completed

My first Harry Potter fanfic ever-- a one-shot on how Harry's hero complex gets in the way of the one thing he wants-- Hermione. ....He gave her up long ago, to protect her, and now that he's free to do as he pleases, what will he do?

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Counting Stars

A Harry/Hermione Fic

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story, just the concept. The song is owned by Sugarcult.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Hey

He was hiding. Always he hid from him. Everyone thought it was the other way around, that Voldemort was hiding from Harry, but in reality…

I wanna crawl out of my skin

It was already dangerous enough that Voldemort knew where he was constantly… either at the Dursley's or Hogwarts…

But he had weaknesses. Weaknesses such as friends.

Harry regretted having Ron and Hermione for that reason and that reason only… they were in danger. And it was all his fault.

Apologize for all my sins.

He told them this once, in a moment of seriousness.

Ron looked shocked, likewise Hermione. Ron said in a stunned tone, “Geez, mate, I never knew.”

Hermione, having recovered her wits, said sharply, “How could you think such a thing?”

Harry couldn't help it. He was never paranoid when it came to his own welfare, but when it came to his friends…

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

All the things I should have said… to you…

He should have told her. Told her out he really felt. But it would've been so hard for her to comprehend. Hell, even he had a hard time grasping the concept…

I love you, Hermione…

Ever since they met the Golden Trio were like brothers and sister. Until one fateful day when Harry realized with a bang that he loved Hermione and always had.

Hey, I can't make it go away…

Oh, how he tried. But no matter how he looked at it, he loved her. He always would.

It started in one of her favorite places actually, the library. They were studying by a window for a test Snape had so nicely given out right before holidays.

For once, he was concentrating. It was much easier because Ron hadn't been there—he and Luna (of all people) were out on a date at Hogsmeade. Harry was very happy for his friend, finally having found someone perfect for him. Although, perhaps a little envious as well.

So as he sat there trying to memorize potions, Hermione gasped across from him.

“What is it Mione?” He asked her.

She pointed out the window. “First snow of the season,” she breathed.

Harry grinned. He knew how much she loved snow.

He went back to work, but he glanced up a few minutes later to find her staring out the window dreamily, her head on her hand.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked her.

Hermione sighed. “I remember once…” she said in a dreamy voice, not unlike Luna's, “I read in this book about this young couple… it was winter, and the snow had just fallen. And they went outside… and danced in the falling snow.”

“Danced?” Harry cocked his head. “In the snow?”

Hermione smiled. “I thought it was utterly romantic, and told myself one day I would dance in the snow with one who was close to my heart.”

Harry smiled fondly at Hermione. He was a bit surprised that she thought of romance as much as the next girl, but he couldn't help wishing with all his heart that she would live to have that wish come true…

… but then again, why couldn't he just make it come true himself?

“Come,” he held out his hand to her, standing up.

“What? Where?” Hermione asked, honestly confused.

“Outside of course,” he grinned. “We're going to go dance.”

“But… but…” Hermione sputtered. “We'll freeze!”

“Not when we'll be dancing,” he replied easily as they made their way out of the library, and down the steps of the Great Hall. “Besides, it won't be for very long. Just long enough to make your dreams come true.”

She smiled affectionately at her best friend, thinking he was sweetest boy in the world.

Once they were outside, he asked, “How shall we dance?”

Hermione wasn't quite sure how they did it in the book, but she said, “Waltz, I think. That or a slow dance.”

“How about both?” Harry grinned. “I want to get this right.”

And he did. After waltzing around a bit, they slow danced, and Harry looked at her. Really looked at her.

She had grown prettier in the past couple of years. At seventeen, Hermione had finally tamed her unruly hair and it was sleek, falling in smooth waves and ringlets. She had grown taller, although only came up to his chin. She was slender—she never had been a big eater—although her figure was quite nice all the same.

Those big caramel eyes stared back at him with affection and he felt his heart feel light—lighter than since he had met Sirius—and he didn't want it to end. She laid her head in the crook of his shoulder and that was it. Harry Potter was a goner.

Over and over in my brain… again.

You love her, he told himself back in the dorm room. You love Hermione.

It was like a broken record that he wanted to never tire from. You love Hermione. You. Love. Hermione. Hermione. H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E.

You, yes, you.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

All the things I should have said… to you…

One more chance. He had one more chance.

It was the graduation party at Hogwarts, where everyone was celebrating.

The three had just posed for a picture, Ron on his left, and Hermione on his right. They all looked great, Ron in his blue dress robes, Harry in his green, and Hermione in her gold. There were a few more minutes left and he pulled Hermione on the dance floor.

“You're a wonderful dancer Harry,” she told him. “You know that?”

He had flushed and mumbled “Thank you.”

Hermione was a little amused at his shyness, but then he grinned and winked at her. “Aww, stop it, you're making me blush!”

They had a good laugh and it would have been like old times if Harry hadn't gotten so tongue-tied.

Hermione, curious more than ever, asked, “Harry? Is something up?”

“Nothing,” he stuttered. “Nothing at all.”

She looked at him, not convinced. He said, “I think it's a bit hot in here, though. I'll be right back.”

She sighed as they parted ways on the dance floor.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

He was on the balcony, looking up into the beautiful night sky…

Counting stars wishing I was okay…

How much happier his life would be if it had her in it! But no… another aspect of his life Voldemort ruined…

He loved her so much… he would rather have her alive and safe rather than in his arms…

Crashing down was my biggest mistake….

How could he fall for her? It was true, they were perfect for each other… but Voldemort. Harry would be damned before would let Voldemort get to her.

Suddenly, she was right behind him.

“Harry?” She asked him, touching his arm, making him jump. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes,” he replied in a strangled voice.

Hermione sighed and put her arms on the railing, looking out into the night. “Do you want to talk about anything?”

“I'm fine,” he told her firmly. But Hermione knew him better.

“I think you're hiding something from me,” she said, turning to face him. “…Why won't you tell me?” She touched his arm again.

It could be so easy… three simple words…. “I love you”…. But no. He was a fool for getting too close to her anyway. Now there was only one thing left to do.

Push her away.

“Bloody hell, Hermione,” he exclaimed angrily. “Can't you just leave me alone for once?! I don't want to fucking talk about it!”

I never ever meant to hurt you

She jerked her arm away and her whole face filled with hurt. She looked down, trying to hide her watery eyes.

I only did what I had to

Oh, how horrible he felt at that moment. Seeing her like that…

“Hermione…” he said, not being able to take it anymore.

He reached for her, but she backed away.

“I had better go,” she said in a low voice. “I know where I'm not wanted.”

Harry wanted to go after her… but realized it was too late.

Counting stars again…

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

He was gone. Finally. At last. He could live his life the way he wanted.

He had vanquished him just a few weeks before, and was out of the hospital, good as new.

Well, physically, anyway.

His heart was broken, had been since that night two years ago.

They hadn't spoken since.

Hey, I'll take this day by day by day…

She had gone into healing… she could have worked for a top-notch position at the ministry, but Ron had told him that until the war was over, she would be working at St. Mungo's.

Ron never fully understood what had happened between the two, but he had matured over the years and knew that this was something only they could work out.

But Ron worried about Harry. He knew something was up.

Under the covers I'm ok, I guess…

He didn't know what to feel. Finally he had done what everyone said he would do… but he had paid the biggest consequence of it all.

The love of his life.

Oh, she was still alive… he thanked god that his sacrifice hadn't gone without reward… but he wondered… was she happy?

He knew she wasn't married. Didn't know if she was seeing someone, but she had become almost as big a spotlight figure as himself, so it would've been all over the papers. She was well known as an excellent nurse with a kind heart, sharp mind, and the prettiest eyes.

Lost assure I feel small

But he was only 19… how would he live his life without her?

He had Ron, and for that he was thankful, but Hermione was the rock that held them both down, and now he was just a ship sailing without any direction…

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It was another function. A party, actually, another celebration over Voldemort's defeat, being thrown by the Weasley's.

Fred and George's joke shop had expanded and was doing wonderfully, so they took a bunch of money and rented a hall.

Once again, he found himself on a balcony.

Counting stars wishing I was ok…

He used to love the stars. Now they seemed to wink at him, laugh at him.

Crashing down was my biggest mistake…

Granted, he would have preferred if it hadn't have happened, if he hadn't have fallen for Hermione, but he would never regret it. It wasn't a mistake. It was fate.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

He knew that voice anywhere. Concealed by the shadows, he supposed that Hermione didn't know it was him.

“If you want,” he replied, and he heard her give a slight gasp.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. “Do you still want to?”

She wasn't sorted into Gryffindor for nothing. Her bravery shone through. “Yes.”

They stood there in silence. “Congratulations,” she told him. “You're free.”

Only she would know what defeating Voldemort meant to him. She read him like Hogwarts: A History. An open book, meant for her eyes only. Although, she was just as predictable to him.

But he doubted he could read her at all now… He wondered how much she had changed.

I never ever meant to hurt you…

“I'm sorry,” he whispered, taking a chance.

“For what?” She asked.

“You know,” he said. “That night… at Hogwarts.”

“It's not entirely your fault…. Perhaps I overreacted a little,” she sighed. She rested her head on his shoulder just like she did all those years ago.

“I missed you.”

He had missed her so much. Every minute of every hour of every day…

“Me too,” he asked hoarsely.

“Harry,” she asked him suddenly, “why did you push us away? Even Ron said that you two weren't as close as before…”

I only did what I had to…

“It was for the best,” he replied without thinking. “I didn't want to see you two get hurt by Voldemort.”

“Oh Harry,” she looked up at him. “I was in danger anyway. I'm a mudblood you know…either way, Voldemort would have come after me eventually.”

“Don't call yourself that!” He said vehemently, angry at all of the discrimination. “You're not a mudblood. You're Hermione. My Hermione. My best friend. And I love you.”

For a moment there was only silence. She looked at him, amazed and stunned and completely ecstatic out of her mind.

He didn't know this but asked, “Well…?”

It finally made sense to her though. Why he pushed her away. Why he had become so nervous to her those last few months in school… it was because he loved her…

She acted on impulse for once and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He was stunned for a moment—thinking it was too good to be true—but reflexes kicked in and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

He had waited so long for this moment. The feel of her warm lips on his, and her arms in his hair. They both burned from where their bodies collided.

Finally, the moment ended, but the aftershocks were still there.

His hair was even more tousled than before, and her lipstick was smeared and on his face. He wiped it off her face and she was perfect.

“I love you,” she whispered, and he answered her in endearing tones, “I love you too.”

With her leaning onto the railing of the balcony, and him with his arms wrapped around her from behind, they counted the stars.

Counting stars again…

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Author's Note: Please review! … This was my first Harry Potter fanfic, and my first fanfic at portkey (I have this one, and a few others, posted at ff.net), so please be kind… constructive criticism needed especially! Thank you!

And also, for whatever reason I can't get all of the song lyrics in italics, so here they are just so you know:

Counting Stars—Sugarcult

Hey

I wanna crawl out of my skin

Apologize for all my sins

All the things I should have said… to you

Hey

I can't make it go away

Over and over in my brain… again

All the things I should have said… to you

(Chorus)

Counting Stars wishing I was okay…

Crashing down was my biggest mistake

I never ever meant to hurt you

I only did what I had to

Counting Stars again

Hey

I'll take this day by day by day

Under the covers I'm okay, I guess

Lost assure I feel small

(Chorus)

Counting Stars wishing I was okay…

Crashing down was my biggest mistake

I never ever meant to hurt you

I only did what I had to

Counting Stars again

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