1001 Hogwarts Nights: Ballads and Barks

Max

Rating: G
Genres: Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 28/03/2005
Last Updated: 28/03/2005
Status: completed

Hermione inspires Harry to do something he has never done before, while Harry inspires Hermione's more mischievius side. One shot.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

AN: I’m not one for song fics, but originally this was just supposed to be a small cookie based on a question that someone had asked on FA. “If Harry could sing a song to Hermione what would it be?” Don’t worry, I tried my best not to butcher this or make Harry terribly OOC. But I’ll let you be the judge of that.

~~~~~~~~

Harry and Ron were sitting at the Gryffindor table waiting for Hermione to return from Arithmancy.

Ron checked his watch. "What's taking her so long?"

"Class ended ten minutes ago, she's probably talking to the teacher," said Harry watching the various students file in through the doors. "Ah, here she comes."

"Uh oh," said Ron looking at the death stare planted on Hermione's face. She had a good reason to look angry. Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson and his little Slytherin gang walked in after her laughing in her direction.

Hermione took her seat next to Harry and slammed her textbook down on the table causing some first years to jump.

"Um...are you all right Hermione?" asked Ron

"That stupid-spoiled-selfish-COW," she retorted.

"That's a no then," replied Ron.

"What happened?" asked Harry.

"I stayed after class to ask Professor Vector about our upcoming test, but when I walked out of the classroom, Pansy fell in behind me and started making these chipmunk noises-"

"She what?" said Ron, turning around to glare at the Slytherin table.

"I turned around to confront her and the next thing I know she was swamped by Malfoy and his two idiots, so I kept walking...I tried to ignore them but it seemed to just get worse. And then my bag split open and they just laughed at me," Hermione put her forehead in her hand, " I went to reach for a book and Pansy just kicked it further away, Neville was the only one who stopped and helped me pick up my books."

"Why didn't you curse them?" pleaded Ron.

"We're not allowed to use magic in the hallways Ron, and as a fellow Prefect -"

"I know, I know," said Ron waving it away.

"I was so embarrassed," Hermione said leaning her elbow on the table.

Harry felt terrible as he watched Hermione frown with sadness.

"Well maybe once you eat you'll feel better, I know I always do," said Ron with a helpful smile.

"I swear if she was by herself...but since she'd started dating Malfoy , those two are nearly inseparable."

"You wouldn't know it though, I mean besides the fact that they spend so much time together...have you ever seen Malfoy give her a rose or anything?" said Harry.

"Ugh, Harry I'm about to eat," said Ron holding his stomach.

"And do you know what else she said?" added Hermione, " she said that the only reason Krum asked me to the Yule ball because he felt sorry for me, he didn't know that there was somebody uglier than him."

At this point Hermione had stopped talking because her bottom lip was starting to tremble.

Ron and Harry looked at each other and then looked at the Slytherin table, their eyes glaring dangerously at Pansy Parkinson.

"Oh go on Hermione, " said Ron, " everyone knows that you're much prettier than Pansy."

Hermione sniffed. "Nice try Ron, " she said wiping her tear away.

"I'm serious! Right Harry?...Harry?"

Harry's gaze had drifted into space, his face expressionless like he was thinking about something.

"Harry, you all right?" said Hermione looking at him. Suddenly Harry whipped his head around to face Hermione, his face inches from her own.

"You're just to good to be truuue" Harry sang.

Hermione stared at him. "Sorry?"

"Can't take my eeeyes off of youuu," he continued rather loudly, "You'd be like heaven to *touch* ...I wanna hold you SSooo much-"

Everybody at the Gryffindor table was staring at Harry.

"Our long last looove has arrived, and I thank God I'm Alive-"

"Harry you-"

"Your just to good to be true...can't take my eyes off of youuuuu."

By this time EVERYONE in the great Hall was staring at Harry. Hermione jerked back when Harry suddenly jumped onto the table and pointed at Hermione.

" I LOVE YOU BAYYYBAYYY, and if it's quite alright I need you bayybaayy to warm those lonely nights , oh pretty bayybayy trust in me when I SAAAaaaaayy-"

Harry slid his foot across the table and slid to the right, keeping his eyes on Hermione, " OH PRETTY BAYYBAYY, don't bring me down I pray I need you bayybayy" Harry pushed her place settings aside", now that I found you stay, and let me love you baybay," Harry sat down with his legs on either side of her, " let me loooovve youuuuu."

The entire great hall exploded with applause, and suddenly Harry was aware of how many people were watching. Hermione had her hand over her mouth giggling furiously, when she pulled Harry into a hug and everyone at the Gryffindor Table gave Harry a standing ovation. Hermione continued to laugh in his ear.

"Why on earth did you do that?" said Hermione hugging his neck tightly.

"Because," said Harry, quite flushed from his performance, " a beautiful girl deserves to get serenaded too."

***

Hermione stood in front of her mirror straightening out her tie humming Harry's Song under her breath. With one last look over she gave herself a nod, grabbed her book bag and headed out the door. As she made her way down the stairs she heard someone whistling the same song. Pausing for a moment and then began to whistle as well she joined Harry and Ron in the common room to make their way down to breakfast.

When the whistling had ended they all finally said good morning to each other. Taking their seats for breakfast, Hermione's smile faultered when she watched the entrance to the Great Hall. Harry followed her gaze and watched as Pansy Parkinson strolled in the door.

"Just ignore her Hermione," said Harry grabbing a jug of milk and pouring it in his glass.

"She's got nothing on you," said Ron putting marmalade on his toast, " that Pug-faced fat a-"

"What did you say?" said Hermione.

"I said she's got nothing on you."

"No, No, after that?"

"Pug faced, fat a- what?"

Hermione's mouth suddenly curbed into a smile. With a triumphant look she watched Pansy and Draco talk. Cocking an eyebrow and bitting her lip she stood up.

"Where are you going?" said Ron, with his mouth full of toast.

"To the library, I'll meet you at potions," she said grabbing her bag and disappearing through the Great Hall doors.

"What is it with her?"

"She has that smile," said Harry turning back to his food.

"Smile?"

"Yeah, you know that 'I know something you don't and you're not going to find out until it happens' smile. It happens every time she gets an idea and takes off to the library."

Ron 'Hmph-ed' at this and kept eating.

All during potions, it looked like Hermione was somewhere else.

"Amazing," said Ron adding his cup of crushed caterpillars to his potion. "She doesn't pay attention and she still gets the potion right."

Harry leaned over to Hermione's cauldron, sure enough it was a dark purple.

"Harry," she suddenly said.

"I was just looking!" he whispered.

"Relax, listen do you remember the way to the Slytherin common room?"

"Er, " said Harry, he was a little thrown off by the question. "No, Malfoy showed up and he lead the way."

Hermione pursed her lips and exhaled. "Would Ron remember?"

They both looked over at Ron who had the look of disgust and terror on his face as he dropped a dead spider in, and shook his hand wildly, sticking out his tongue.

"No," said Harry.

Snape was making usual rounds around the cauldron's, and Harry was about to lean back over, when Hermione suddenly grabbed his arm.

"There's one more thing I need to ask you," she said quietly as she watched Snape move ever closer, " can I borrow your invisibility cloak?"

"Invisib-what for?" said Harry watching Snape looking disgusted at Neville.

"Trust me," said Hermione, "I have an idea."

Lunch had finally came and Harry, Hermione and Ron were gobbling away at their food. Hermione would often cast a devious stare at the Slytherin table, followed by a chuckle.

"What's so funny?" asked Ron reaching for his goblet.

Hermione shook her head. "Nothing," she added with an innocent smile.

"Something is going on in that head of yours," said Harry cutting his steak, "and I have this feeling if any of the teachers find out about it will cost us ten points from Gryffindor."

"Here comes Ginny and Luna," said Hermione changing the subject.

Ron looked up and groaned with his mouth full when Luna sat beside him.

"Do you EVER eat at your own table?"

"Ron, don't be so rude," said Ginny pouring pumpkin juice in her goblet.

Luna narrowed her eyes at Ron.

"What?"

"Your left eyebrow is a shade darker than the right," she said simply.

Ron stared at her disbelief, with his mouth slightly open. He shook his head and kept eating.

"So Ginny, Luna, how has your day been?" asked Harry trying to break the silence.

Luna beamed at him. " Fantastic. Millicent Bullstrode knocked my books down so I put a tripping spell on her shoes as she walked out of her common room."

Hermione choked on her juice. "You know where the Slytherin common room is?" she said wiping her mouth.

"Yes I do, I pass by there on the way to breakfast."

Hermione considered her for a minute. "Do you think you can show me?"

"What is it with the sudden fascination with the Slytherin common room?" asked Harry.

Hermione patted Harry's arm in reassurance. "It's okay Harry. There's just something I have to take care of."

Later on that night, Hermione sat patiently on Harry's bed while he dug out his invisibility cloak from his trunk. Holding the silvery mass in his hands he looked at Hermione, like a father about to hand over the keys to the car.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"Harry," she said looking at him, " I'm not heading off to fight some troll or try to catch a Basilisk...I'm just going for a walk," Hermione saw the worried look on his face as he handed it over. " I'll be back in an hour...I promise!" she said grabbing the cloak. As Hermione walked out of the room, Harry couldn't help but smile.

"We've had such a bad influence on you," he said shaking his head.

Hermione met Luna just out side the Gryffindor common room.

"Ready?" Hermione asked unfolding the cloak.

"Whoa," said Luna feeling the shimmering fabric, " how did you get this?"

"Connections," said Hermione.

Hermione looked around to check if the coast was clear and flipped the cloak over both of them.

As they continued on their way, they passed by Cho Chang, tying her hair in a pony tail. Hermione had this strong urge to trip her but left her alone.

"Not too far now," whispered Luna.

It was a little odd for Hermione being underneath that cloak without Ron or Harry. The last time she was underneath that cloak was when the three of them had gone to see Hagrid just before Buckbeak's 'execution'. Funny how fast time flies.

After what felt like walking down the stairs forever Luna and Hermione came to a halt in front of a wall.

"Where's the entrance?" asked Hermione

"You'll see," said Luna looking at her nails.

Sure enough, the wall opened and Millicent Bullstrode walked out, (Luna clicked her tongue 'she changed her shoes') Hermione's brain went into fast forward as she grabbed Luna by her arm and dragged her inside before the door closed.

Hermione's heart was thumping rapidly as she looked around. If this cloak slipped off, or someone walked into her...Hermione swallowed hard. Luna however, looked around casually biting her nails as if she was just in another part of her own house.

Hermione's eyes darted around wildly. A mischievous smile spread across her face as she gripped her wand tightly. It was an understatement to say that Hermione was feeling quite rebellious.

"I wonder who their decorator is?" whispered Luna, looking at the green couches, "that couch would look nice in my Dad's office."

"Over here," Hermione whispered nudging Luna off to the side. Hermione froze on her spot and grabbed Luna's arm, who opened her mouth wide as if to say 'ouch'. She followed Hermione's stare and found herself staring at a pair of grey eyes.

Draco narrowed his eyes in their direction and slowly got up from where he was sitting, Hermione immediately looked down at her feet to make sure they were covered. When she looked back up, Draco was walking up towards them and reached his arm out. Hermione and Luna bared their teeth and leaned to their left out of his reach. On the table behind them, he picked up an ink bottle, shook it to see if it was full and turned around.

Luna couldn't resist.

Draco suddenly gave a start. He slapped his hand over his behind and looked around him. Hermione was pulling Luna away before she had the chance to do it again.

"Are you insane?!" she hissed.

Luna just smiled.

Hermione suddenly found what she came for. Pansy Parkinson was sitting on the couch bent over a small table tapping her quill impatiently against her parchment.

"Draco," she whined, "my quill isn't going to refill itself."

Draco looked quite confused as he looked around rubbing his behind, but reluctantly took the ink bottle over to her.

Hermione was looking around for a dark place to stand. It would be odd for a wand to just appear from no where. Grabbing Luna by the arm again she steadily made her way across the room, careful to avoid stepping on someone's foot, or knocking into lamp.

In the corner of the room Hermione slowly slid her wand out from the opening, pointed it at the back of Pansy's head and muttered, "Canis Latrator."

"AH-CHOO!"

A blue streak zoomed across the room tapping Pansy on the back off her head. Crabbe, who had sneezed at the same time, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Pansy felt the back of her head and looked at Crabbe with disgust.

"Let's get out of here," Hermione whispered as Pansy zapped Crabbe off his seat.

As the exited the common room they met Millicent Bullstrode making her way back. Luna promplety stuck out her foot, which sent Millicent Bullstrode face first onto the floor. Despite herself , Hermione stifled her laughter as she watched Millicent stare stupidly at her shoes.

When they finally reached the Gryffindor common room and the coast was clear, Hermione ripped off the Invisibility cloak, shaking with laughter.

"What was that spell you used on Pansy?" asked Luna with an amused expression.

"You'll find out tomorrow," said Hermione folding up the cloak, with a triumphant smile.

"Alright, well I must be off," said Luna folding her hands behind her back and walking away.

"Luna?"

Luna stopped and turned.

"Join us for breakfast tomorrow won't you? I'll make sure Ron saves you a seat."

Luna gave a wide smile, stuck her chin up and walked away.

Breakfast was as entertaining as usual with Luna around. Ron however was still completely thrown by her.

"Why are you eating so fast?" he asked.

"If I eat faster, then the Oompas won't have time to tie my shoe laces together."

Ron stared at Harry and Hermione whose shoulders were shaking with laughter.

Despite the begging from Harry and Ron, Hermione refused to tell them what happened when she was in the Slytherin common room.

"You'll find out in potions," was all she would say.

When potions finally came it was the only time that Ron and Harry were looking forward to it. Taking there seats Hermione checked her watch. The Slytherins strolled in and Pansy gave Hermione a look of disgust and took her seat with Draco.

"Now will you tell us?" asked Harry.

Hermione held up her index finger and looked at her watch, "Right about....now," she said and sat back with a satisfied smile.

Ron and Harry waited but nothing happened.

"Er- Hermione are you sure-"

"Now, all of you open your books to page 378," said Snape from the front of the class. "What are the three main ingredients in a Polyjuice potion?"

To Ron, Harry's and Snape's surprise, Hermione's hand didn't rocket into the air. Instead Pansy Parkinson's hand raised.

"Yes, Miss Parkinson?"

Pansy opened her mouth to answer but what came out instead was a high pitched barking noise.

Hermione snorted a laugh as she pressed her lips together.

Draco looked at Pansy in shock as she clapped her hand over her mouth.

"Miss Parkinson?"

She opened her mouth again, and once more there was a bark.

Harry and Ron joined the rest of Gryffindor doubling up with laughter, it was hard to say who was more embarrassed; Draco or Pansy.

"P-Pansy?" said Draco with his mouth opened.

*BARK*

The class was in hysterics and Hermione was crying with laughter.

"Miss Parkinson- stop this foolishness at once!" Snape commanded, but it was no use-she just kept barking.

Draco had actually moved his seat away from her, with a look of utmost disapproval on his face, he wasn't interested on having a girlfriend that sounded like a small dog that was excited enough to wet itself.

“Miss Parkinson, go see Madam Pomfrey immediately!” shouted Snape over the laughter.

Pansy barked and bolted out the door.

“It’s no use,” Hermione squeaked, as she held her stomach, "that spell has to wear off on it’s own!”

“That was- that was brilliant!” said Ron trying to breathe.

Harry held out his hand and Hermione low- fived it, holding their hands in support from falling over their chairs with laughter.

Pansy refused to speak to anyone for the rest of the day. All she could do was let out a muffled bark anytime someone mentioned her name. By lunch time, the spell had begun to wear off. Pansy started swearing at Draco for not going near her and could almost carry out a conversation, breaking out into a bark every now and then…she sounded like a foul mouthed poodle.

"Did it work?" asked Luna popping up behind Ron.

"You told her and you didn't tell us?" said Ron, stopping halfway with his drink.

"Ron, calm down," said Hermione. " Call Pansy's name Luna and see what happens."

"HEY PANSY!" Luna shouted, there was an audible bark that echoed in the great Hall. Everyone exploded with laughter as Luna collapsed against Ron laughing, with her arms dangling in front of his chest. Ron had to push himself from the table to support Luna's weight. "Oh that's good, that's good stuff,' she said straightening herself up and wiping a tear away, before joining Ginny who was beside her self with laughter. An odd sort of smile appeared on Ron's face.

"Hey Luna, watch this," Ron swivelled around in his chair, "Hey Pansy! what's a tree made out of!?"

*BARK*

Ron turned around in his chair, laughing and noticed the stares her was getting from Harry and Hermione.

"What? Might as well make the most of it."

"You know Hermione," said Harry in a low whisper, "if you're going to pull more stunts like that against Slytherin you're more than welcome to borrow the invisibility cloak any day."

Hermione smiled at her plate and looked at Harry. " Only if you're with me."

Exchanging smiles, they continued to eat. Hermione looked towards the Slytherin table over the rim of her Goblet. Yes, she thought, today is going to be a very good day.