Points of View

PotterMama

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/04/2005
Last Updated: 20/04/2005
Status: completed

She looked at the one she chose not to love. There is no need to question why, because all along she knew the answer - that person is a friend and sees her as a friend – of that she’s certain… How long should he wear that mask – a farce of happiness? They all can’t pretend forever… Just how does one say goodbye? Just how does one try to forget? Is it possible to move on after one has let go? WARNING: Nonconforming pairings in the first chapter, but don’t fret as this ended – as always – the H/Hr way. [Final Chapter is up!]

Chapters

1. The Tension and The Spark

2. Truth Hits Me Like a Stranger

3. Falling Through the Rain

1. The Tension and The Spark

DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books and Scholastic Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Author notes: I’m about to take a big risk here, to capture points of view of four different people and weave them into one comprehensive story. Four different outlooks on love and heartaches.

Please bear with me if somehow the characters turned to be diverting from their personalities in canon. Ginny, she’s got spunk and is quite a powerful witch but I don’t think she is the bitch that some fanfic writers made her out to be.

This is a 3-part work and the first chapter may not go the way you are all expecting. But hey! This is Portkey after all, so all things have got to end the H/Hr way.

Fanfic writers don’t get paid for writing, but your comments and reviews will suffice. So please leave a review after you have read it and let me know what you think of this.

Chapter 1 – The Tension and The Spark

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Why is it that in heterosexual friendships, one is bound to fall in love with the other? They say it was usually the girl who falls for the guy. I told myself I would not allow myself to be a part of that statistics when I gained two new friends in Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, and yet I did.

Yes, I, Hermione Jane Granger fell in love. With whom, one may ask? I’d say both.

Those feelings surfaced in our fourth year at Hogwarts, back when I dated Viktor Krum. Such a sluttish girl, people who definitely knew nothing of who I really am may say. I went out with Krum mainly for the reason that he was the only one who dared to ask – well okay, Neville did too. I declined, however, because I had already said yes to Viktor.

I thought then, that I liked Ron. Those heated arguments we were having were like love quarrels, and I kind of relished those moments. I thought Ron liked me in a more-than-friends way and maybe I did felt the same.

Then Viktor told me something that opened my eyes to other possibilities. The thing he said was that I’m in love with Harry.

“Wh – wait! Where did that come from? Oh those Rita Skeeter articles!” I said.

“I have never read any paper when I was here,” Krum corrected me. “I am saying all this for having spent some time with you.”

Surprised, shocked, flabbergasted, call it whatever you want, but that was how I felt on our train ride back to King’s Cross. I really had no idea on what to make off it. And so, out of impulse, I kissed Harry goodbye, on his cheek, at the train station.

I am not sure if that kiss helped at all, but when I spent most of my summer with Ron, I had come to the conclusion that it was Harry whom I love more.

Fifth year had come and gone, still I was left pining for the boy whom I think I could never have. He likes pretty girls with long, flowing, shiny hair, and playing Quidditch was another plus. I am not one of those girls and could never be. And so, for the most of our fifth year, I helped him get the girl he pined for.

I merely smiled my way through it all, though my heart was breaking inside. I never knew that putting on a fake smile could be such pure agony. I almost heard myself cry in pain.

I was a fool. I was not brave enough to tell him what I felt, and he fell in someone else’s arms. I had loved… unconditionally, and all I got was pain… pure unadulterated pain.

Why did I allow myself to go through all that? I had asked myself the same thing hundreds, if not thousands of times. He is a boy and a man at the same time. He has the most multifaceted, mystifying and fascinating personalities I had ever met. With him, I often embark further than the surface of life and of love.

Harry is a friend after all.

So here I am, watching him fall for another. Yes, I, sitting beneath a tree at the paddock near The Burrow, watching my two best friends play Quidditch under the heat of summer sun. I am not blind, though I could turn a blind eye, I can feel. He’s smitten… again. However this time around, I have decided not to be affected.

Yes, I gave up.

I was a fool, but I’m never going to let myself fall for it again. I have learned that I have to find my own happiness.

And I have.

He, too, was up there playing with my dear old Harry. My other best friend is coming down for me.

*********

I had loved her for years.

Yes, I can now finally admit it. What? You think those petty quarrels I initiated were just cheap shots at getting Hermione’s attention? Hah! Okay, they were. Trying to be cute? Alright, you got me.

However which way, nothing will change the fact that I do love her. I, Ronald Bilius Weasley, am in love with my best girl friend, the smart and sometimes acerbic, Hermione Granger.

You don’t have any idea of what sort of battle went through my head when it dawned on me that I was a bit taken by Hermione. Let’s forget about that, because thinking back, it was kind of scary.

Let’s focus on to what is now and what lies ahead.

I descended softly towards the tree she had been using for a shade for the past two hours since we started our little Quidditch match. Her brown and unruly hair shining against the sun, she waved and flashed her brightest smile. Man, those teeth are really fetching! I could barely remember the time when those two front teeth were bigger.

“How was the game?” she asked loudly.

“I thought you were watching,” I retorted. I knew that Hermione and Quidditch don’t mix very well.

She frowned and rolled her eyes, uh-oh not a very good reply. “Not bad actually,” I snapped back. “How was your sojourn in this – this corner?”

“Quite alright – calming actually,” she beamed. “Heading back to the house, already?”

I turned back to the others and saw that my older brothers had already started the trek down the hill, towards our rickety old house. Ginny had her back turned, though I can see that she was waiting. Harry, on the other hand, looked like he was torn between coming over to us or following Ginny.

I called onto him, “It’s okay, you can go ahead!” Quite hard to shake that boy off our butts, really. Luckily, Ginny had served such a relieving distraction.

“Do you want to go flying?” I asked Hermione, not knowing where that idea came from.

She looked surprised. “I – I am not sure… you know I hate flying… I never really had a knack for riding broomsticks…” she stammered.

“Oh, come on. It will be fun,” I waved it off. “We’ll start low. I can take care of you.”

“You sure?” she said raising her eyebrows. Now that’s scary!

“Yes,” I replied confidently, though suddenly I didn’t know why there were butterflies doing somersaults inside my stomach.

“Okay, take me for a ride,” she said getting up.

I slid a little towards the back of my broom to give Hermione some more space to sit on. I suddenly got a whiff of her sweet scent. I wondered if she ever used that perfume I gave her for Christmas last year.

Knocking off that Christmas memory, I kicked my right foot on the ground slightly to give us some lift a few feet off the ground.

“Whoo!” Hermione yelped at the sudden jerk.

“We are just six feet above the ground at the most, Hermione!” I chuckled. I made the broomstick hover around a small tree.

Hermione’s grip on the handle tightened. She started to smile as she got the hang of it.

“We’ll go a little higher so you could enjoy the view better,” I whispered. I tilted up my Cleansweep Eleven just a bit to give us more ascent.

Hermione shrieked even louder but it was more mixed with laughter than fear or anxiety. The sun was about to set and it added more beauty to the surroundings.

“This is so lovely,” she said grinning.

“Yes, wonderful…” I answered back absently, never taking my gaze off her.

This could be the happiest day I have ever had for the past sixteen years. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a Firebolt for a broom; nothing could beat flying with the girl of my dreams in my arms.

“I love you,” I hushed to her ear absentmindedly. Then realizing what I have just said, I squinted hoping that I won’t receive a slap on the face for my rashness.

“You do?” she said turning her head to look at me.

I swallowed hard, fearing the worst. “Yes,” I replied softly.

“Me too,” she said smiling.

Bewildered at what she just said, “I – I supposed you should,” I said.

“No,” she sighed, “that’s not what I meant.” I stared at her still with that confused look plastered on my face. “What I meant was, I feel the same way about you,” she said earnestly.

I felt like a bludger just hit my chest. She felt the same way? I must have died. Or better yet, a bludger hit me in the head, that made me fall off my broom, hit the ground, twisted my neck and died. Or what could be worst? Hermione smacked me in the head after hearing me say I loved her while we were up there, which set me off falling, hitting the ground with a twisted neck and then I died.

“Ron! Ron, are you okay?” she asked frantically.

Still bewildered I simply replied, “Ugh? Huh?!” Smooth, mate, that was real smooth. Afraid that my shock could affect our flying, I lowered our altitude.

Hermione was still staring at me and beaming, enjoying the fact that she got me speechless. Gathering all the courage, Gryffindor style that is, I leaned in closer and kissed her.

Remember what I said awhile ago about flying with the girl of your dreams? I take that back. Nothing beats flying with the girl of your dreams in your arms and kissing her. It was the sweetest of the sweets I have ever tasted from Honeydukes. I am seeing fireworks far better than Zonko’s or Fred and George could ever muster.

This is the happiest moment in my life and I am spending it with Hermione.

*********

“That git! He only wanted to spend some time alone with her,” I said aloud knowing no one could overhear me. He should have told me a long time ago to scram and I would have done so. Not that it would surprise me; I knew that Ron had a thing for Hermione for ages. Was it in our fourth year? I can barely recall.

Oh yes! The Yule ball… fraternizing with the enemy… bollocks! That was pure jealousy. I do hope he doesn’t mess it up this time.

I turned around to see what they were doing and saw that Hermione stood up and approached Ron’s broom. Uh-oh, he’s asking her to come flying with him? That’s a bad idea. Hermione hates flying. However, I was surprised to see Hermione mount Ron’s broom. I thought she hated flying, maybe I was wrong.

Oh well, like what I had said before, I do hope Ron doesn’t mess it up.

I then turned and went back to my hike back to the Burrow. Ginny was a few feet away from me now, with her back turned from me, and then something struck me. I somehow experienced an epiphany, something that made me view other things differently.

Long, shiny red hair… looks soft to the touch… Ginny turned and looked at me, which caught me off guard.

“What do you think my brother is up to, Harry?” she asked me.

“Who?” I asked back, not knowing what to reply really.

She rolled her eyes and said sharply, “Ron, of course!” She waited for me to catch up with her. “He’s crazy about her,” she said softly. “Did you know that?”

“Yes,” I replied. “What about her? Do you think she likes him too?”

Ginny simply gave me a smile and shrugged. “I’m not sure. Well, girls can really be hard to figure out anyway.”

“Tell me about it,” I responded sarcastically. “So what happened to you and Dean?” I asked changing the subject.

“I’m not sure on that one, either. Some things were really not meant to last, I guess,” Ginny replied.

We walked silently back to the Burrow. When we arrived at the yard, I asked her, “Do you want to go in?”

“No.”

“How about we sit by the bench over there at the garden and wait for Ron and Hermione,” I invited. “Maybe watch the sun set.”

“Okay,” Ginny sighed.

The first few minutes had been enveloped with pure silence, saved from the chirping of the birds and noise coming from the house. I took the time to study her, which I hadn’t done since the first time I stayed over at the Burrow.

Ginny had grown from the girl who used to stumble at my presence. Had she really gotten over me, like what Hermione said?

She certainly had changed, she had become such an amazing young woman that a lot of guys fell on her feet. Would I become one of those men, worshipping the ground she walked on? Certainly not! Harry James Potter does not worship girls. Fancy her? Definitely a yes to that. Enamoured? Yes. Fascinated, charmed, captivated? Yes, yes and yes.

So what do I do? Ron’s going to kill me, or would he? He said I wanted someone more cheerful and Ginny fits the bill. The Weasley clan is going to ask for my blood, or would they?

Will this ever be just as hard as talking with Cho? I hope not, we’ve got far more things to talk about than what I had with Cho, which was mainly Quidditch.

Maybe I should start with Quidditch. “Say, Ginny, when the school starts are you really going to try-out as a Chaser?” I asked breaking the ice once more.

“Yeah, do you think it’s a good idea?” she replied.

I nodded. “I’ve seen your play today, and I can say you’re pretty good.”

“Huh! Thanks,” she said looking all too surprised to hear the fact that I have been watching her. “What about you? Going back as a Seeker?”

“I’m not sure,” I said blandly. “A lot of things changed when the school year ended.”

“You meant after the encounter at the Department of Mysteries?” she corrected.

“Yeah, that.”

“So you faced You-Know-Who – you’ve done it almost every year. What’s different now?” she asked.

I looked at her meaningfully and sighed. Much… so much had changed. Her eyes were waiting for my reply. “I – ”

“What’s in that crystal ball anyway?” she interrupted.

“I – I actually have no idea,” I lied. “Now that it was shattered, I couldn’t care less.”

“Do you think that was what the Order had been guarding?” Ginny further asked. “Pity though, if it was, ‘cause it’s all gone now.”

“Were you scared that whole time? When the Death Eaters surrounded us?” I asked to divert thoughts from the prophecy.

“Who wouldn’t be? A lot of people got hurt,” she said absently. A slight pang of guilt bit my ego for awhile there.

“Sorry if I convinced you all to go there with me,” I mumbled. “Hermione could have died because of my recklessness.”

“It’s okay… I got my ankle broken,” she said and I snapped and looked at her feet. “No, not now! My ankle was broken then.”

Feeling stupid now, I just said, “Yeah, I remembered that. But Madam Pomfrey fixed you all right, didn’t she? I wonder if Hermione was completely healed, though.”

Another silent spell engulfed us. I looked at the horizon and watched the sun go down and spread its fiery orange light around us. Ginny’s hair color flamed even brighter.

“I wonder what’s taking Ron and Hermione so long…” I said earnestly.

“They’re coming now, alright,” Ginny responded by pointing at the two figures approaching from my right. Two figures joined to the hip, one red-headed boy and a familiar girl with unruly hair.

I can clearly see that Ron did not mess things up. Hermione has got the widest smile I had ever seen. I caught Ginny’s eye and we shared a grin.

My friends are in love and found happiness, now the question is – could I?

*********

A romantic – a swooning, starry-eyed, hopeless and idealistic lover of love – that’s what they say I am, Ginevra Molly Weasley. I won’t disagree, though. Yes, I still long for my Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet, to shower me with gifts and flowers, take me to fancy dinners and whisper to me sweet promises and give me tender kisses.

I had drifted off to dreamland far too often yet I have never forgotten to get a life. Yes, indeed I had kissed so many frogs and have yet to find my prince. I knew he would come along because I know he does exist.

Oh yes, he does.

He is embodied by the boy whom I had known since I was a little girl. The boy who conquered the Dark Lord… he had even rescued me like some damsel in distress, even better that I was tripping on the edge of death and him brandishing the sword of Godric Gryffindor… the boy who lived… Harry Potter – and he’s sitting just across where I am right now. So near yet beyond my reach. Now really?

They say good things come to those who wait. I waited all right. Honestly, I have been hanging around since I was on my first year at Hogwarts. When Harry didn’t even bother to think of me as a possible date for their Yule Ball, I resigned to the fact that he could never see me beyond the best-friend’s sister point.

I gave up, as what Hermione may have put it bluntly.

However, do girls really ever give up on love? Young girls, like me, I believe don’t – or better yet, we have the right to change our mind.

So here I am again, dreaming, wishing of what could happen if ever my prince looks my way. And he does, quite often now, making me feel my heart propelling blood through my veins and the wild rush of energy surging within me, sending me into fits of delirious ecstasy.

For who could resist those bright almond-shaped green eyes? Witches practically threw themselves at him and worship the ground he walked on.

So what’s a giddy girl to do? Sigh and bat my eyelashes? Well, I simply smiled back and hoped that I have conveyed all my feelings in a split-second eye contact.

I turned my way towards my brother Ron and his new girlfriend, the ever-present Hermione. How I wish I could have what they are enjoying right now, the bliss of a new found love. I told you I am the idealistic one… chronic romantic.

I never thought those stolen moments of sharing a silent grin would ever end. One fine day, as Ron and Hermione went off for a walk, Harry approached me. Yes, my prince came down from his pedestal and talked to me.

“Uhm, Ginny – er, are you doing anything today?” he asked almost stuttering.

“No,” I replied and smiled sheepishly.

“Would – would like to go for a walk?” he said, which almost sent my knees to buckle.

“Sure… why not?” I responded in a voice that almost sounded like a squeak.

The Burrow was surrounded with a lot of twisted trees and hedges that can sometimes grow awry. I have had a lot of nightmarish episodes from the illusions my young self could imagine from these plants, but now I am thankful that my parents kept them as they are. For they have now served a different purpose, an obstacle for prying eyes.

“Why don’t we go up the hill to the Quidditch paddock?” Harry suggested.

I nodded, not really having the energy to muster a single word.

Harry extended his hand inviting me to hold onto, which was a good idea as I felt like my legs had turned into molten lead.

The touch.

It may sound hackneyed, but the feel of his hand on mine sent shocks throughout my body. I now know the reason why I am alive.

Without me noticing it, we reached the tree, which Hermione usually used for a shade whenever we had our Quidditch practises. I guess they were right, time really stands still whenever you are with the love of your life.

Harry motioned for me to sit beside him as he leaned his back on the tree trunk just as Hermione does. I had no idea what to do, really, so I complied. Sitting with him in the cool shade, watching the green hills before us was calming.

He did not utter a single word for a long time, so I did not bother to start up any conversation. I guess he too needs to collect his thoughts, like I do.

I have been in this position, having dated other guys; however, this one was different. Those other times I just went with the flow. How does one say they have loved a person for the longest time?

Harry squeezed my hand that made me turned my gaze on him. He was smiling and his eyes were like dancing. “I – I have been blind,” he muttered softly. “I’m sorry – sorry if I have ignored the attention you have been giving me.”

I stared at him and searched his eyes. Is he shattering my dreams? The very dreams that were just starting to get off the ground. I felt my face grow hot; I knew that meant that my face has reddened. I lowered my eyes to hide the sadness that has started to creep into my being.

“No… No… No… don’t – don’t cry,” Harry scuffled in his place. “This – this isn’t going the way I had planned –,” he huffed. “I guess I said the wrong words.” He scratched his head that ruffled his already messed up hair, which was quite endearing.

I then lifted up my gaze and locked into his eyes. You don’t know how many times I feel my heart surrender each time I see his face.

Harry was beaming. His hands were still holding mine. “You have such an unassuming beauty,” he said faintly, brushing my face with the back of his hand. He then ran his fingers through my hair and said, “I am now often dazzled just by looking at you.”

I felt like I have drifted into a dream. Everything stood still… my heart stopped beating… then I can hardly breathe… Then all of a sudden I felt my heart aflame; I bravely leaned over and captured his inviting lips. All the love I have for him, I conveyed through that kiss.

My prince, indeed, had come for me.

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A/N : Tell me if I am on the right track or should I stop writing. Though I could not leave this story as it is right now because this could be a good reason for them to kick me out of Portkey. *wink*

The chapter title I used was an album title, which I chanced upon while I was visiting a music store. Can you guess the artist’s name? And if you have a copy of this album, tell me if it is good.

While writing Ginny’s part, I was listening to my favourite Josh Groban songs… so if you found some lines that reminded you of some of his songs, it was because the lyrics had sipped into my subconscious and I am picking them up by chance.

Special thanks to my beta readers Austenlover and Raven.

2. Truth Hits Me Like a Stranger

DISCLAIMER: Anything and everything in Harry Potter universe belongs to Jo Rowling, Bloomsbury Books and Scholastic Books, and Warner Bros.

Author notes: I knew the first chapter would create a stir, being that this is Portkey and I threw right in front of the readers the most feared pairings and made it all sugary sweet. If the first one was considered emotional, brace yourself for more.

Again, bear with me if somehow the characters turned to be diverting from their personalities in canon.

Shorter than the first chapter, and here it is…

Chapter 2 – Truth Hits Me Like a Stranger

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I am not the jealous type of guy. I am not possessive. But – but what?

Why does Hermione have to be all fussed up with regards to the ‘Harry Potter’ affair? I mean she worries – all the time.

Harry sniffs and she broods about his health. He disappears from her sight and she got all worked up. I know that’s who she is. I know of the ever-present danger that follows Harry wherever he goes. But for Merlin’s sake! She is neither his mother nor his lover.

I am not complaining because I don’t get much attention. I, too, am worried about Harry’s well-being. Well, some guys were always after him. Yet I know he has a knack for escaping tight corners, unscathed. He is the boy who lived, after all.

“Hey, you two!” I yelled at the first-years I caught huddling behind the armour suits lined up at the second floor hallway. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be milling around at this hour.”

They scrambled their way back to their common room and almost knocked me off. Damn midgets! I would have docked ten points from their house if I was allowed to.

I took a turn and headed towards the library. When I got there, I saw Hermione deeply covered by huge books scattered on the table. If her unruly hair wasn’t sticking out, one wouldn’t notice that there was someone left there studying.

“Hermione, what are you doing here so late?” I asked her.

“Oh, Ron, it’s you!” she said surprisingly. She looked behind me and at the main door and then asked, “Have you seen Harry?”

“No,” I replied shaking my head sideways in disbelief.

I sat on a chair opposite hers and moved the books aside so I could have a good look at her. She, however, went back to her scribbling.

“Are you supposed to meet Harry here?” I asked her tiredly.

“Yes,” she responded not even bothering to look at me. “I’m here to help him do some research which Professor Dumbledore asked us to do.”

“Asked you both to do or just Harry?” I retorted.

“Why does it matter?” she asked back acidly.

“Well, because you have been neglecting your studies and your Prefect duties, that’s what gives,” I replied jauntily.

“I have not,” she snapped back to me. “Look, I’m doing my Potions essay.”

I glanced at the parchment in front of her and replied, “Which, by your standards, should have been completed by now and revised three times at least. Hermione, it is due in fours days! Isn’t that alarming?”

She simply scowled at me and continued scribbling. “It’s not like I’m late, Ron. Maybe I’m just slacking or loosening up a bit. Wasn’t it your idea?” she said softly.

“Wh – Have you done your rounds?” I asked instead, not knowing what to reply.

“Yes, I have.”

“Well, then you haven’t done it thoroughly,” I replied cheekily, and delighted that now I got her attention. “Because I caught some first years on my way here and they were on your turf.”

Hermione did not again reply and went back to her parchments.

“What’s happening, Hermione?” I further asked. “What’s going on? I can understand Harry if he keeps to himself or spends more time with Ginny. But you – what has gotten into you – why are you slipping away? You have been spending more time with him these days.”

She put down her quill with a loud slap on the table and huffed, “Is that what this is all about again? You being jealous, because I don’t get to spend most of my time with you!”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I am not jealous?” I growled, completely forgetting that we were in the library. “Because I don’t envy people who have been spending so much of their time hunched on books.”

“What is it then?” she asked indignantly. “That Harry has been hogging much of my time… you are discontented with our relationship… you being suspicious of Harry and me…”

“What was it that you’re sharing anyway?” I snapped back. “You’ve been keeping a secret from me, I know… I can tell… I’m not daft!”

“I’ve had enough of your malicious insinuations, Ron,” Hermione blurted.

“I’ve had enough of these discussions, too!”

“Then why don’t you get out!” she shouted. “I don’t want to see you for awhile.”

“Fine!” I yelled back. “So much for being your boyfriend.”

I left her. I left with a heavy heart, not liking the idea of going to bed with us not making up.

*********

I was following her as she went through all the classrooms in the left wing of the castle. Though I am not a Prefect, I went with Ginny whenever she does her duties. Harry Potter, the girlfriend’s bodyguard. Shameful as it may sound, I’m doing this to appease her, to spend more time with her.

We have been having our share of rows, surprisingly almost as often as the sparks flying between Ron and Hermione. Ginny usually has fits of tantrum every time she wanted attention, which happens more often when I prayed she wouldn’t.

Today, we had just made up. So here I am, being the dutiful boyfriend.

“Ginny, I need to go to the library after this,” I told her as she was shutting the Charms classroom.

“The library is supposed to be closed by now,” she replied not looking back at me.

“But I – I got special permission and Madam Pince left it open for us…” my voice drifted as I caught myself saying the last words.

“Us?” she snapped, pausing to look at me. “Who would you happen to mean by the word ‘us’?”

“Uhm… Hermione and me?” I replied softly.

“Don’t tell me this is just another homework… another research… or another errand you need to do for Professor Dumbledore!” she said angrily.

I looked the other way, fearing that we were again about to begin another bout of exchanging some heated words.

“Harry!” Ginny exclaimed. “For this whole week, how many times were we ever together – alone?” she asked and I did not answer. “Only when I was doing my rounds… these times… We don’t go to Hogsmeade often… breakfasts, lunches and dinners are spent with my brother and Hermione… When you do your homework, you’re huddling with Hermione… After classes, you head straight to the Headmaster’s office… When you’ve got a little time to spare, you, my brother and Hermione go off to some detective work…”

“Stop!” I interjected. “You’re just rehashing everything. We’re just going in circles, Ginny.”

“Well, because you haven’t changed,” she said insolently.

“Change… that’s what you have always been trying to get me to do…” I said exasperatedly. “This is who I am… I have responsibilities I have to attend to.”

“Why can’t you be just like anybody else?” she muttered. “Why is there always a need for you to go off and do some heroic deed? Why can’t you act like any normal sixteen-year old boy?” Yeah, by placing her on top of my priority list.

I stoop slightly and leaned my back on the wall. If she only knew the weight I have to carry on my shoulders… However, I can’t tell her. I have already done too much by telling Hermione about the prophesy.

“I am not your normal, average teenage boy. You just don’t understand…” I said thoughtlessly.

“Why don’t you try me?” she responded huffing. “Because, I’ve had enough… enough of all the secrets you’ve been keeping… I don’t want to be pushed aside anymore… I love you, Harry. I’ll do anything to keep you happy. I wonder now, if there will come a time, that you don’t need Hermione’s help anymore. When all you need is me… When Hermione can’t come rushing to your side and all you have is me.”

“Please, don’t drag Hermione into this,” I pleaded. Suddenly there is this annoying feeling of guilt creeping into me. That feeling behind your eyes that made you both feel bad and angry at yourself.

“That’s not possible, Harry,” she said firmly. “Because she’s the main reason why we were having disagreements… I know she’s a smart witch…” Her voice was suddenly rising again. “But is there any magic that a Muggle-born could muster that a pureblood like me can’t do?” she growled.

“Take that back!” I snapped, absently drawing my wand from my pocket.

I could see Ginny clearly now. She was taking deep breaths like I do; staring at my wand poised to fire spells.

Ginny is special to me, yet she doesn’t make things easier. She shouldn’t expect me to run after her when I am still catching my breath.

“Harry, give me reasons to trust you,” she demanded. “Assure me that you’re the one for me, and I’ll forever be yours.”

I lowered my eyes and my wand and turned my back on her. I left her, standing there at the hallway, waiting for my reply.

I simply had to draw the line. I guess I didn’t want to hold on to something that was not even there. Time and again, Ginny had dangled that rope right before my very eyes, yet I simply refuse to see or grasp it.

I don’t want to let go. However, I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll end up not respecting myself any longer.

The castle was surrounded by darkness, yet I took my confident steps towards the library, where Hermione was waiting for me.

*********

He left me. He left me at the dark hallway to feel the pain.

I have had enough. I can’t take this anxiety in my heart anymore.

There were times when all I could feel for Harry was anger and frustration. Tonight, I was at the height of my anger. I may have been irrational and hateful.

For so many days, I have refused to accept the fact that Harry and Hermione working together was affecting me this much. I had desperately tried to resist being dragged any further into this quagmire of emotions. Yet, the sense of paranoia that once lingered in my being further arose.

I am scared, because anytime – even at this very moment, I am going to lose him – and I don’t want to.

I now wonder if my life had turned into a life of excessive self-absorption. Have I turned into a swollen-headed, stuck-up snob? It was really hypocrite to say that in loving, there was never a need to get something in return, because in my case, that was a complete lie.

I used to dream of my Prince Charming sweeping me off my feet – in an astounding romance – yes, I, Ginny, the romantic. Yet here I am, in love with someone who could barely say he loved me.

I don’t want to wallow in depression and self-pity, yet I was powerless to stop the darkness that slowly sips into my being. I had no choice but to surrender to the indignations of emptiness.

Tonight, I have realised that sometimes, when words were not spoken, you should listen to what was not being said. From there you have to decide what wasn’t merely right but also what was good.

Harry will haunt me forever, but I have to learn to wake up to the truth that there’s no one here but me.

*********

A slight wind from an open window blew right into my face, which sent shivers down to my spine. Only then did I realise the tears I had unconsciously shed.

After Ron left me here alone in the library, a sudden coldness washed over me.

The witty exchange of words drew us together, but I knew deep inside that it will also keep us apart. We had such a beautiful beginning for a love that could never be fulfilled.

Boys are my personal curse.

“Hermione,” said the familiar deep voice in front of me. I looked up and wiped the dried tears on face.

“Harry,” I replied softly.

“Have you been crying?” he asked me.

“It happened once again,” I responded absently.

Harry took the seat beside me and gazed at me sadly. “What did Ron do this time?”

“Don’t be bothered,” I waved dismissively. “Nothing new… the usual stuff…”

We sat in silence, contemplating… awaiting for the other to utter another word… another phrase… thinking. I looked at Harry for a moment and saw his face blank, yet it looked as though a thousand emotions were running through his head, leaving marks on his eyes.

Whirls of thoughts ran through my head, too. I went back to that thought that boys were my personal curse. Did I fool myself into thinking that love can be learned? I suddenly went from loving Ron to not loving him… from hating him to hating him deeply… from wanting to stay and keep what we had to rushing out of to the door and completely leave him behind. I love Ron and him alone.

I’m in the midst of this emotional roller-coaster ride which I can’t stop – can’t get out off. “Tell me, Harry, doesn’t Ron love me anymore?” I said in desperation.

“I know he loves you… just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want him to, does not mean he doesn’t love you with all he has,” Harry said trying to comfort me.

“Thanks – thanks for being here,” I muttered.

“No problem. Just keep in mind that I am always here to see you through lonely days… and nights,” he replied softly. One smile from him and the sun shone on my place.

“So am I… for you,” I responded. “I wouldn’t be far behind – the kind of friend who’ll stay with you through it all.”

He lowered his head and pursed his lips. I knew right away that something was wrong.

“Did you and Ginny had another fight?” I asked in an exasperated tone.

“Yeah. She rarely tells me what she wants, and then freaks out whenever I fail to read whatever it is in her head,” he replied, though I can sense that he was again keeping something from me. “This one, I’m pretty sure, had reached a point when days will pass, without us exchanging any words.”

“A big fight, huh?” I quipped. “Want to bet that you are wrong, and she’ll be back snuggling you tomorrow at breakfast?”

“I don’t know how to reassure her anymore,” he said.

“Maybe it’s time for you to tell Ginny everything.”

“Maybe it’s time for you, too, to reveal everything to Ron.”

“It’s your prophesy… your life that was on the line… it’s your call…” I retorted.

He stopped and stared at me, suddenly I felt like I had said something foolish. “Telling everybody wouldn’t help much. Letting you on in this little secret is more than enough. You’re all the help I need. Having you here is more that enough.”

I caught my breath and gasped. I never thought I would ever hear those words coming from him. Misery loves company, I told myself. We were both jaded.

I grabbed the huge book I picked from the Restricted Section earlier and spread it in front of him. “Here’s what you need to learn this time,” I said to him, pointing at the spell which I wish I would never get to use in my lifetime.

“Thanks,” he said softly.

We spent the next two hours going through the pages of that classified book. Harry would sometimes read to himself, while I finish my essay. I would at times, steal a quick glance at him and a couple of times I caught him doing just the same.

After months of convincing myself that I am over Harry, here I am again, hoping. I told myself that I will only fall in love with him once. I never knew that it will be forever.

No. Harry would never have me. I love Ron and will be with him – forever – even if everything in me will die for it.

*********

I am here in a dark corner covered in the sheerness of the invisibility cloak, which I took from Harry’s trunk in our dormitory. Tears were rolling down my cheeks – I am crying – in silence.

Harry’s words were still ringing in my ears… ‘Does not mean he doesn’t love you with all he has’

Have I loved Hermione with all I had?

I then decided to leave them alone and took small steps to keep the silence that engulfs the air. I am ending this fateful night and shall sleep in a bed of thorns bleeding in the agony of my decisions.

Will these be the last tears I’ll cry for her? Things won’t be easy, but just as the sun rises everyday and the sea touches the shore, my decision wouldn’t fail me.

=====================

A/N : I’m don’t get anything out of writing fancfics but would love to get comments and reviews. So please leave something, let me know what you think of this.

The chapter title was again another song I chanced upon while I was visiting a music store, which I found I have doing quite often.

Do you know the poem by Pablo Neruda ‘Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines’? This is what I felt writing this chapter and I’m pretty sure it will be the same for the next one.

3. Falling Through the Rain

DISCLAIMER: Need I do this one more time? Just on the safe side… I don’t own any of the characters in this story.

Author notes: The final chapter. I didn’t know that writing this whole fic could be so hard – hard in a way that the emotions kind of drag you down. I always get this lump on my throat; a heavy thing was resting on my chest. Kind of hard really, preventing yourself from crying while writing.

There are three companion pieces to this chapter, written even before this fic – I didn’t knew then that I could tie them all together. First is Connection, set in a timeframe between Chapter 2 and 3. Ron’s strange dream is in Lead Her To Me, and another Hermione’s POV is in Crossroads.

I’ve checked the chapter stats of this story. Quite alarming actually, not many readers have the Gryffindor heart, eh? Only half of those who read the first chapter (some may not have even finished reading it) dared to go to the next one.

Please read and review.

To Erin whose young heart had been broken.

Chapter 3 – Falling Through the Rain

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Days and weeks had passed and yet I held onto him. I was not sure if I was ready to let Harry go. I was afraid of losing him, but deep inside I knew that I already had. So many times I had tried to run away from his indifference – to make him see that I am here – wanting him to feel for me – just a little, in return for the enormous emotion I had for him.

I had felt the most agonizing pain in loving Harry. I felt it whenever he glanced that way towards her; whenever he showed his temper to whoever dared to question her abilities and insult her roots; whenever he looked for her across a crowded room. Whenever he gave her the sweetest smiles – smiles that were once mine. However, I was not sure if I could claim them anymore.

So there I was, like any given afternoon, waiting for him to walk up to me and say something more than a simple ‘hi’.

I almost fell asleep finishing my Transfiguration essay at the Gryffindor common room when Harry came out of the portrait hole. He approached me with his usual forlorn look and gave me the perfunctory hug.

“Can we go somewhere?” he asked me softly.

I complied and got up, not uttering a word. He led me out of the Gryffindor tower holding my hand. I did not even bother to ask where he was taking us. However, it looked like we are going somewhere that students haven’t discovered, because I had never dared tread these paths before.

Maybe he was taking me to a special place, something he just uncovered. It was a surprise, all right. I never knew that he would bring me to a morbid place such as a graveyard – in Hogwarts.

“How did you chance upon this place?” I asked him.

“Professor Dumbledore showed it to me and Hermione two days ago,” he replied.

All my hopes crumbled down. “You and Hermione,” I sighed. “Why shouldn’t I be surprised?”

“Ginny, we’re not here to fight…” he murmured.

“Then why did you bring me here?”

“Because I want to show you two people who had loved me with all they had,” he responded earnestly. “They say that there are two people who would surely lay down their lives for you – and they would be your parents… My Mum and Dad did just that. Not that I am seeking replacements nor looking for more people who would do the same, though I definitely need those kind of people – ”

“Oh, I know of one who’d be willing to do that for you…” I interjected.

“You?”

I shook my head and said, “Sadly, no…”

“Who then?” he asked, surprisingly looking all oblivious.

“Who else, but everyone’s darling Hermione?” I replied acidly.

Harry sat on a mound looking all defeated. He stared at me with his pleading eyes and said, “Please, can we leave her out of this?”

I knelt in front of him and composed myself. “I know why you brought me here,” I uttered. “You want confirmation, reassurance… you want to know if I will stand in the center of the fire with you and not shrink back…”

He raised his head and gazed at me with his piercing green eyes. I stared back, and gathered all the courage to do what was needed to be done – something that I had been dreading.

“I’m sorry, Harry… but I can’t – I can’t make that promise with all certainty,” I said firmly.

“I’m tired, Ginny… I’m tired of loving this way,” he said meekly.

“You never loved me,” I replied back. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”

“Maybe I have… only not up to what you have been expecting…” he responded.

“I’m not the one whom you really need, Harry.”

“And I am not the man of your dreams.”

I closed my eyes and took it all in. My heart was breaking and I was trying to put on a brave face.

“How did we get here?” he asked me.

“I’m not really sure,” I said. “Maybe – maybe it was meant to happen this way, Harry. Maybe I was here to make you see the light – to show you the path – take away the veil that has blinded you for so long…”

“I’m… I’m not sure what you meant,” he admitted.

I took his hand in mine and placed them both on his chest. “Harry, just this once, listen to me – listen with your heart,” I sighed. “Answer me this, Harry. Who sustains you from the inside when all else falls away?”

He did not utter a word but the knowing realisation crept on his face. I smiled back, happy that he now had a clue.

I continued. “She already went through the fire with you… faced the frightening coldness of the Dementors with you… Yes, Harry, you found her and she found you – I guess it’s time for you to see each other without that veil which shielded what was evident.

“She’s with Ron now… it’s too late…”

“Ron will get over his infatuation soon enough,” I snorted. “Wait for her…”

Harry sighed and said, “I’m sorry for causing the teardrops on your cheerful face.”

“Don’t be…” I replied back. “I had to go through this – to learn.” I was really good at pretending.

I rose from the earth that almost swallowed me whole. “I – I have to go,” I said tentatively. “I need to be alone.” I did not even bother to look back at him or wait for his reply.

I walked across the school lawn and my feet brought me to the banks of the lake. The sun was about to set, like a curtain call signaling the end of a play – the end of my dreams, the end of one farcical charade.

How does a person grieve? I am puzzled at the lack of tears. The torrents of suffering were unleashed, yet I can’t seem to cry. I feel numb.

I thought that what we had would be a lifelong promise – to end into something beautiful – like the poems that transcend all the world’s time. I was wrong. All that was left was a reminder of the more basic themes of the same old-age romance – same verses yet of different lives.

Now, I can only laugh in disbelief at how incredibly superficial and romanticized my perception of love and the right man was. I must learn to let go of the selfish and frivolous dreams I have always held on to.

I waited for the sun to go down and be taken by the darkness. Like me – slowly raging against the present onslaught of consternation and trying to escape the haunting of a merciless past.

*********

I watched her walk away from me. There goes my present that never even dared to venture into the future – the dawn that was too afraid to face the sunrise… Ginny.

Ginny was right. We were lovers dancing to a tune wherein each dancer’s steps fell so differently. I will not reclaim her anymore. I cannot hurt her any longer.

Have I stayed in the darkness far too long that I was too blind to see?

Hermione… like in the timeless myths, I always hear her voice in the sweetest of tunes, crystallized in my head. She was some cliché that everybody else requires for their mandatory existence – the saviour my weary soul seeks and intensely aches for.

I never knew that I had to live through emotions of love and hate, of hurt and joy until I could acknowledge that she was always – and as always had been – behind all the stories of my life.

I watched the darkness engulf the dying embers of the mighty sun. I have learned that you always love when you try to forget and yet you always forget when you fall in love – you love and forget whichever comes first but still you live and thank for the night anyway.

Time had passed. I woke up at the tingling heat of the rising sun. I watched the sunrise and was filled with awe at the beauty that was before me.

“Harry!”

I squinted and saw Hermione blocking my view.

“We’ve been looking all over for you. We’ve searched the whole castle since last night... What are you doing here?” she said frantically. She was still wearing yesterday’s robes like I was. There were dark rims around her eyes, which meant she did not even get a wink throughout the night.

I stood up and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Thank you… thank you for finding me,” I whispered to her. I again looked at the rising sun and wished I could have at least an idea of what lies beyond the horizon.

*********

I woke up early still remembering the strangest dream I had. It was about something that I had been dreading, something that has been bogging my thoughts – invading my mind even in my waking hours.

I hate to do it – I don’t want to let go. Hermione is one thing that I knew I could have that Harry couldn’t. But I was wrong – considerably mistaken. Harry does not need to claim her in any way because she already had given him her soul willingly. The heart – the heart I got to borrow for a while – but the time has come to return it to the one it rightfully beats for.

I am angry. I am hurt. Before all the hurting turns to hate – over which I am afraid I have no control of – I must hurt her back.

Today is the day and I gave her my dutiful morning kiss and hug in the common room, right in front of Harry before we went to our breakfast.

“Good morning, Ron” she said to me.

We went about our morning routine. I was about to say something to Hermione when she interrupted, “Uhm, Ron, we need to – ”

“Talk,” I finished it for her, I guess the same thoughts were running through our thick heads. “I know. We’ll do it when the classes are over,” I added, then stood up and gave her a knowing smile.

A smile – a smile I bravely mustered even though deep inside my whole being was aching in agony. Knowing that you were about to break someone else’s heart apart from yours was an excruciating pain.

I avoided Hermione the whole day; I tried – so hard – I couldn’t bear to be near her, because if I did I might change my mind.

Letting go of your priced possession needs a great deal of self-assurance – entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. I wanted to keep her forever locked into my arms yet I have watched her lose her faith day by day because we lost the love little by little. Only then, did I begin to realise that we actually have everything but the spirit.

I waited for her inside the Room of Requirement. I knew she would find me there. Time ticked the longest for me that gloomy night – the stars were hiding behind the thick dark clouds in the murky sky, a storm was looming – storm inside my head and outside the castle.

Hermione opened the creaking door that startled me. I took my eyes off the Forbidden Forest which I have been watching for hours from a small window and turned to her. No hugs, no contact – I motioned for her to take the couch conspicuously standing at the center of the room. I watched her take tentative steps and followed; I took a cushioned chair and placed it in front of her and sat there.

“Ron,” she said softly.

I raised my arms in response to stop her from carrying on, “Hermione, please let me do this first.”

She nodded and looked at me intently, waiting for my words to flow out.

I watched my hands oddly and felt like I was holding her heart at the palm of my hands. It was there, vulnerable and open – waiting for me to crush into pieces. I gathered all my courage and started. “I am sorry, Hermione. Sorry that I should be the one to do such a thing to you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are my friend, a friend I wouldn’t want to lose.”

“I just want you to know what I feel, because there may never come a time that I would get a chance to open this all up to you... This isn’t something that I have planned or even wanted, but our feelings just can’t seem to meet. I wish we could go back to those summer days, but things like this cannot be undone.”

Hermione lowered her eyes and I saw her body shrink a bit, yet I continued. “I can’t hold on any longer, Hermione. Don’t even think that I don’t love you – because I do – more than you’ll ever know. I love you and that is why I am letting you go… it may not make any sense at all. Holding onto you just hurts us both… maybe we’re not really meant to be together.”

I watched her blank face and heard her voice echoed, “Haven’t I loved you enough? Don’t I know how to love?”

“You only don’t know how to decide – whom to love,” I replied.

“What do you mean?”

“Hermione, you need one thing that’s true in your life. You have got to find yourself – find out what makes you happy, follow what your heart tells you. Foolish, it may seem, but at least you are a happy fool – not a lonely, empty wise person,” I responded.

How can I tell her that it was Harry who makes her happy? And so I told her, honestly, deliberately, painfully – shedding a little bit of what was left of my pride. “Harry needs you,” I blurted. She almost jumped from her chair. “He needs you badly… he’s the one for you,” I added.

Hermione shook her head because she knew everything that comes out from me was deeply rooted from jealousy. “Ron, I know your every weakness and now I could point them out in everything that you have said,” she sighed.

“Some say you were his metaphor, and I totally agree,” I said.

“I’m tired of us being this way…”

“This isn’t what we should feel, Hermione.”

“So what do you say… that this is just it?” she asked.

“It’s time to say goodbye, Hermione… Goodbye to the forever we had promised to… you are not losing me at all, just the lover – the friend stays, eternally,” I responded.

She had all gone quiet and her face reddened but still there was that numbing stare. No tears were evident on her eyes. She stood and walked away from me and went through the door.

I strained from the first tear that threatened to fall and trickle down my cheeks. I wanted to run after her and comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be all right, but when damaged pride hurts so much more than the loss, I kept to myself.

The clap of thunder and heavy downpour of rain filled my hearing and so I moved to the window and watched the storm unleash its fury to a world that was once my own. A few minutes later I had seen her running through the rain towards the dark forest. I wanted to rush to her side but then again I saw him right at her heels.

I watched them cling to each other amidst the tormenting heavy winds. My heart crumpled into pieces like the grains of sand… falling through the rain.

The moon did not show up at all because of the stupid rain. I’m not sure what time it was but I decided to go to our dormitory. However, it was too late to sleep and I couldn’t seem to wakeup from this nightmare.

*********

People have a way with dreaming and believing and inventing words like forever. Words that seem to liberate us from the brief existence that began to count down the moment we enter this world and only stops short at the first kiss of a short-lived romance.

Have you touched the very heart of your own misery? Have you been opened by life’s betrayals to become shriveled and close from fear of further pain?

I held onto Harry, desperately. We were standing amidst the fury of the storm that was lashing the grounds. I thanked the thunderstorm for drowning my breaking heart.

The rain kept on pouring, pounding in my aching heart. I prayed for it to stop, but the raging thunder kept on drowning my silent scream for mercy. It never seemed to know when to stop – when enough is enough – and neither do I.

“Hermione, I’m here,” he said softly to me ear. “I’m here if you need to talk, to listen – to understand.” He then offered me his shoulder and I turned to look at him and all the world dissolved.

I did not hear the whirling of the wind anymore, though I know that the rain kept on pounding down on us. It did not matter how many hours we stood there. The night was quiet, except for the sound of water rushing out of the sky.

I longed for a little more faith. I needed a little more conviction – a little more resolution – because redemption seemed a little beyond my reach.

I needed someone to carry me back home.

The storm subsided and all that was left were the soft kisses of the silent raindrops on my cheeks, yet we stood together. I was not sure how, because there was no moon shining that night – nevertheless I could see his eyes boring into to me, shining brightly.

He definitely had the most piercing green eyes, too piercing. I think he could see even the littlest crevices of my sanity – he could gaze at me and swim into the center of my being and find me there bare and open.

I stared back at him and marveled that he could break the most turbulent thunderstorms. His hands moved and reached for my face to remove wisps of hair that clung to my wet face. He took my face in his hands and then I saw it – there was a promise being made with every look, with every move, without words being said.

I tried to turn my gaze away, yet I could see that he saw what was on my thoughts. I felt his body reached for me in a way in which my body craves for him. The silence was disturbing – I could even hear ourselves breathing. In the moments that felt like eternity, his lips brushed mine, softly – timidly, uncertain – waiting for reassurance.

Would I heed his imploring? If only I would admit the need, only if I would accept – allow my heart to be a little bit more yielding so I could let myself believe once more. I had tried to run away from Harry and yet here I am finding out that all roads lead back to him after all.

And so I responded to his kiss – with the thought that he knows my mind, he can, as well, now know my body – I crashed my lips on his. I reached for him desperately and drank him in – his taste, the rain and my tears.

It had been said that when you meet the one, it was similar to ‘coming home’. The way all the comfort the world could offer was nothing compared to the feeling of being in Harry’s arms.

After our lips parted, without thinking and in a most unexpected way, I muttered, “I miss you.” It was said in all honesty and sincerity, with wisps of longing and clouds of hope.

“No more tears, Hermione,” Harry whispered. “We’re home.”

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A/N : My heartfelt thanks go to my beta readers Austenlover and Raven.