Pros and Cons

The "Loving Hermione" challenge, suggested by kezbo. I was intrigued because (1) I'm a big fan of Friends; (2) they used this on another show that I was fond of for a while, Good Morning Miami; and (3) I started drinking before I was going to go out tonight but then I decided I wanted to stay home because I've been doing too much partying lately anyway.

I was amused when I realised I had written this and changed a few of the specifications... mostly because I felt as though Harry would write more if he was convinced he would be the only one to read it. I thought it was more of a Harry thing to only say something short out loud. He must have a lot of thoughts.

So, mind you, I was drunk when I wrote this. I'm still a bit drunk, so typing errors... excessive smut... blame the happy drunk that Ellie becomes. I just hope in my sightly sober state that I managed to catch almost all of them. Odds are, this'll be reuploaded with a better version.

Also blame the fact that I was drunk that Harry was a bit drunk when he wrote the list.

One drunk fact that I realised I had put in: This must take place fifth year, because Fred and George helped out Harry. So it's slightly AU.

The guidelines are listed after the story.

You see, it was recently when I realised that I could not stop thinking about her.

Very recently. It wasn't a sudden thing... I did stare at her a lot. She always seemed confused when she would catch me, which would leave me even more confused... because I had no idea what it was.

Slowly, all my thoughts would turn to her. It was bad enough that my conscious spoke to me in her voice, but now, no matter what I'd think of, it would end up leading me to her. Even discussions about Quidditch. Somehow I'd think about her in the stands, cheering me on. She wasn't even fond of sports.

Whenever I would get in a row with Draco, all I could think about would be the way he would speak to Hermione -- which only led me to be even more vicious. No one's allowed to talk to her like that. No one. Not Hermione.

It was the strangest feeling. I wasn't sure if it was love. I, honestly, had no idea what love truly was. And the idea of telling her how I felt scared me. A lot. She was too much a part of my life, and I didn't want to scare her away.

I owed all my thanks to Fred and George, who managed to get me butterbeer. I was supposed to be working on a Potions assignment, but the parchment in front of me had been empty. I couldn't focus at all.

So when they brought me some "study help", I overindulged. And I couldn't control my sloppy hand, that decided the parchment would be much better used for discussing Hermione.

Not just any discussion... a Pro and Cons List.

What were the good and the bad of the strange feeling I would get when I looked at Hermione?

The way that she somehow could calm me down... and as much as I hated to admit it, always know how to correctly handle a situation?

So writing down my thoughts on a piece of parchment, something that could be read by others, something that's no longer only in my head... perhaps it wasn't a great idea.

She'd tell me to not do it, I'm sure.

Didn't matter. It was already started. I had smiled when I finished the pros.

But when it came to the cons, the smile disappeared, and I was stuck. Just sitting there, chewing on the end of the quill (and then I realised that Hermione did that, and added another to the Pro list).

At some point, I knew I was starting to fall asleep, right there in the common room.

And by then, the part of me that cared if people read this, was too inebriated to put the list away.

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I couldn't sleep tonight.

Something was going on with Harry, I just knew it. I knew he liked to hide things from me, probably to save me from going through what he goes through... all this mistakes he does is to save people. He doesn't like telling me anything that would hurt me.

And that's all I could think about.

The way that he was looking at me recently like he wanted to say it out loud -- and I would look at him, urging him to tell me, but as soon as I could give him the look he would turn away.

He always turned away.

Finally, I slowly got up, trying to not wake anyone. I grabbed the copy of Hogwarts, A History that I was holding, and decided to read to myself until I was tired. I could almost hear Ron's voice in my head, asking me to read it to him so he could sleep right away.

So, clad in my pajamas, I headed down the stairs towards the common room.

I walked towards the comfy chairs, when I realised I wasn't alone.

There was Harry, his quill lying on his lap, his head lying on the armrest and his glasses askew.

Sleeping.

This was probably the most peaceful I'd seen him lately.

I looked around him, noticing all the empty bottles of butterbeer, scattered all over. And sitting on his lap with the quill, was a piece of parchment.

Finally, I smiled. He was working on Snape's essay. And I decided that it would be a much better idea to look it over for him rather than reread the worn-out book.

But my smile disappeared as soon as I had picked up the parchment, and started to read it... his messy scrawl even more apparent.

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Hermione.


PROS


The way she always bites her lip whenever she's thinking about something.

That her voice is always in my head, telling me what to do, and it's so hard to not listen to it.

That she knows me more than anyone else, because I'm scared to tell everyone else... but I'm scared to tell her too, because she's the one that has the most honest reactions.

That she's shy, but doesn't show it. That she's such an introvert, but she pretends she's an extrovert. That she's always there to help. Always.

That she might be the first person I'll truly love, I think. I think that's what it is.

That she always bites her quills...




CONS


That she's my best friend.

That she might not feel the same way...

That I don't know how to talk to her anymore because all I think about now is... her.




Pro wins.


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I almost started crying.

I read the list again. I thought my constant nagging was annoying...

I thought that he hated that I was always there to help.

I had no idea that he...

I looked over at the sleeping boy on the chair. I gently picked up the quill, and wrote a small message on the bottom of the parchment.

I wanted to go back upstairs, but I felt too drawn to him. So I set the parchment down on the floor, leaned over to where his head was resting, and I did something that shocked even myself...

I kissed him.

I kept my lips pressed against his, and it didn't matter that he was sleeping, I just stayed there... something so simple felt so life-changing and wonderful, and suddenly I felt him press back.

To say I was shocked when I felt his tongue run against my lips would be an understatement, but to tell you that I didn't allow him access would be a downright lie.

We were kissing like it was a dream, like it wasn't happening, but the feeling that I got was just so amazing and so comfortable, that I certainly didn't mind.

I brought my hand around his back and pulled him more towards me, and eventually I knew that I had to go back, and we couldn't possibly risk getting caught. Slowly I pulled away, whispered goodnight, and he looked at me for just a moment before he smiled and his face fell back to the armchair.

He'd fallen right back asleep.

I just grinned as I made my way upstairs, back into the dormitory, and fell asleep as well... this time, with a smile on my face.

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I had a dream that she had kissed me.

It was beyond amazing, so much more real than any other dream I'd had lately. Any dream I'd had about kissing her or doing anything with her was still filled with so much terror that I dreaded sleeping. But this dream was just... beyond words. It was like I had really felt her there.

Of course, I knew it couldn't have been real. Hermione could not just kiss me, it wasn't that simple.

It was still early for people to be getting up, but I was glad I had woken up at this time. It would have been terribly embarrassing if anyone had read my list about Hermione. Especially her. I couldn't even imagine what would happen... she would probably ignore me.

The list... I paused. Where was it?

I glanced around frantically, and spotted it on the floor, along with my quill.

I picked it up, and almost started laughing at the messy, drunken writing.

Until I got to the bottom, where the writing was much clearer.

"Harry, thank you. I know I wasn't meant to read this, but I cried. I love you too. -Hermione."

I was in shock for only a moment before I smiled, and brought my hand to my mouth.

And now I could not wait to see her, because I knew this wasn't a dream -- but it was certainly one that I wanted to live in forever.

FIN

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1. Harry loves Hermione but he's afraid to tell her.
2. Harry decides to write on a parchment the PROS and CON'S of loving Hermione.
3. For the CON'S it's up to you. ( ex.Afraid that's she don't feel the same way. She deserves someone better, etc. )
4. For the PROS he only wrote one word: HERMIONE.
5. At the bottom of the parchment he wrote: PRO WINS!!!