Midnight Musings

Just Breathing

Rating: G
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 07/05/2005
Last Updated: 07/05/2005
Status: completed

‘Hogwarts: A History’ couldn’t even take her mind off him, and she didn’t even wonder why.

Chapters

1. Midnight Musings

1. Midnight Musings

Title: Midnight Musings

Genre: Romance/None

Rating: PG-13

Summary: ‘Hogwarts: A History’ couldn’t even take her mind off him, and she didn’t even wonder why.

Disclaimer: OK! I admit it! I don’t own HP! As much as I would LOVE to I just don’t!! *Sob* There! Are you happy?! *Sob*

Words: 2,952

Chapter: 1/1

A/N: I wrote this a while ago, but I’ve never got around to posting it until now. I hope you like it! :D

Warning: I have a serious lack of Beta, so if you see any spelling mistakes I missed I apologise now.

X-X-X

Hermione just could not concentrate on the book in her lap.

She didn’t understand it. ‘Hogwarts: A History’ couldn’t even take her mind off him as he sat across from her scribbling away at his potions homework. She smiled as she watched him scratch his head and close his eyes in an attempt to focus his mind on the parchment before him.

‘Trust Harry’ she chuckled quietly as he began to write feverishly once again ‘Leaving his homework until the last minute. Typical.’

However much she might disapprove of his working habits, (‘Starting homework after midnight? Honestly!’) She wouldn’t change him for the world. He was her best friend and nothing would ever change that.

They had been through too much together.

x-x-x

One memory stood out clearly in her mind. As vividly as if it took place yesterday-

Harry had just come back from defeating Voldemort and was lying, almost defeated himself, in the hospital wing.

Just before he left to go and fight the Final Battle she had stumbled upon some deep hidden feeling in the dark recesses of her mind. Something that she never thought that she would feel for Harry, but there it was as clear as day.

All of the things that she had brushed underneath the carpet over the years. All of the forgotten glances and skipped heart beats when he touched her. Everything she had ever felt beyond friendship for him and had dismissed every single one as “silly teenage hormones” were taking over her mind.

And she realised something- those feelings were still there and there was not a single chance that those feelings could be anything to do with rioting hormones.

No, those feelings were more. Much more.

She couldn’t even describe how much they filled her with the deep longing to see him, to speak to him, to touch him. How she longed to kiss him at that moment. She wanted to kiss all of his fears away as he stared at her with an indescribable amount of dread in his eyes.

He had never concealed the fact that he was afraid to face Voldemort, they would often sit up and talk all night about the approaching battle, and he would always whisper that he wasn’t afraid to die- He was afraid to fail. He didn’t want to let the entire Wizarding world down. They were all counting on him to “defeat the dark lord” and he was terrified of disappointing them all and condemning them to a life of misery and pain.

She was bowled over by the sheer emotion of the feelings the first time he had shared his anxiety with her. She literally cried for him as he opened his soul for her. She wanted to help him. Heal him, but she knew that she could never do that. He didn’t think of her that way. Only a witch that he loved like no other could heal his pain. All she could do was love him as a friend, and secretly so much more.

Then he left.

The terrifying thought of never seeing him again entered her mind as he walked determinedly towards the awaiting Portkey in the Hogwarts grounds. Just before the key took him away he looked back at where she was standing and mouthed something to her that she couldn’t quiet make out with the distance between them. She resolved to ask him what he said when he returned to her.

If he returned to her.

x-x-x

The first time she had chance to be on her own with him since he came back from the fighting she sat next to him all night as he continued to sleep in a comatose state, crying to herself as he refused to wake up.

She wished and begged that he would come round. She offered to take his place, she bargained with a God she didn’t even believe in to let him live and to take her instead. The fear she felt at that moment was indescribable; he had come back to her physically, but until he woke up and smiled at her with the half-grin that she found so adorable he would never be completely back in her eyes.

She was so afraid that she had lost him that night.

It was then that her feelings really took a hold over her. She let herself love him that night as she held his hand tightly in a futile attempt to wake him.

That love she felt hadn’t decreased in the slightest degree since that night- if anything that love had increased tenfold. If not more;

She was head-over-heels for her best friend. She had admitted it (to herself anyway) Even though she wasn’t entirely ready to let him know how she felt at that moment, she knew that eventually she would tell him and she wasn’t about to take those feelings away and hide them from herself like she had been for years before.

She figured that he deserved to know exactly how she felt about him even though she was positive that he would never feel the same. She thought that he should know that there would always be someone out there that loved him more than life itself.

Someone that he could rely on in the darkest times of his life even though those times were now passed with Voldemort defeated.

She loved him. In a far different way than she should.

x-x-x

Over 24 hours later and he still hadn’t woken from his comer. Hermione was starting to get desperate.

Madame Pomfery had tried to pry her away from his bedside several times during the night insisting that she needed to sleep, but of course Hermione was having none of it, and refused to be moved from his side.

“I want to be here when he wakes up.” She said firmly

“He won’t wake for a few days Miss Granger. You can go and get some rest in your bed. Exhausting yourself here won’t help him wake up any quicker dear.” Poppy answered softly.

“But what if he doesn’t wake up?” Hermione asked, emotion cracking her voice, “What if he’s like this for the rest of his life? What if I don’t get to see his eyes sparkle again? Please Madame Pomfery. Please let me stay. I need to believe he’ll get better.”

“He will wake child. I promise you that I will do everything I can to make sure he wakes for you. I am rather fond of Mr. Potter myself; the amount of times he’s been in here for some reason or another, you start to become attached to his charm.”

This made Hermione smile. ‘Yes,’ she thought ‘he has his charms.’

“Now, why don’t you lay down here and get some sleep?” Madame Pomfery offered indicating to an empty bed next to Harry. “If anything happens I’ll be sure to wake you. You need your rest too.”

“OK.” Hermione gave in. “Thank you Madame Pomfery.”

“You’re quiet welcome. I know how much Harry here means to you.” She said with a slight wink before she bustled off into her office leaving Hermione to sigh and nod in return before she did as she was told and lay down in the bed and closed her eyes. She willed sleep to come while trying desperately to keep all thoughts of loosing Harry as far away from her mind as she could- the last thing she needed was to dream of never seeing his beautiful eyes again.

x-x-x

Hermione opened her eyes to see an abnormally bright Hospital Wing- obviously she had needed the sleep as Madame Pomfery had said. A quick squint at her watch in the insanely bright light told her that it was past noon. On a Monday!

Hermione sat up quickly in her bed and peeked over to where Harry was lying; still, it appeared, just as comatose as he was when she fell asleep.

She sighed sadly as she got off her own bed and moved over to his side once again. Part of her, alright every single part of her body had wished that he would have woken while she was sleeping. So many happy thoughts and dreams had drifted around her mind during her slumber; Harry was awake, happy, and back. Lop-sided grin and all.

But no, he was still lying there, worryingly still. Not even the slightest movement in his hand as she held it tightly in her own.

“Come on Harry,” she begged “you have to wake up today. You can’t leave me here. Not after all we’ve been through together. You can’t leave me to live the rest of my life without seeing those gorgeous eyes again. Please. I need to tell you I love you.” She said, whispering the last sentence so only they could hear it.

Just then his hand finally moved ever so slightly. So lightly that she had thought she’d imagined it at first, but there it was again. He squeezed her hand!

He was coming round!

She was about to shout for Madame Pomfery when his eyes struggled open and focused on her face.

“Hermione.” He rasped

She was overwhelmed, he was awake! Holding her hand tightly and gazing at her softly in a silent plea to be kept from the intense prodding and poking that he would have to endure if she called Madame Pomfery.

“Oh Harry” She cried as the tears began to trickle down her cheeks. “You’re awake! You’re back! I was so scared I’d lost you.”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” He joked, the dryness in his voice causing Hermione to fill him a cup of Pumpkin Juice and hand it to him after she helped him to sit.

“Thanks”

“You’re welcome” She whispered unable to keep her eyes off him as he drank quickly.

“How long have I been out?” He asked as though he was almost afraid of the answer.

“Almost 4 days.” She answered shakily. “I was so scared Harry, I really thought you weren’t going to wake up. You were so quiet, so still. I thought you were dead when I first saw you. Ron couldn’t stay in here. He was devastated Harry. He thought you were gone. He was convinced that you wouldn’t wake up, but I knew you would. I had to believe you would.” She finished

“I’ll always come back to you Hermione.” He said sincerely. “I told you I would before I left. You were the one thing that kept me going when I was fighting. I had to keep my promise to you.”

Before Hermione could say anything in response to him Madame Pomfery came out of her office and promptly dropped the tray of food she held in her hands when she saw Harry sitting up in his bed.

“Mr. Potter! You’re awake! Why didn’t you alert me Miss. Granger?” She scolded as she rushed over to the bed pulling her wand out in the process.

“I uh…-”

“I asked her not to.” Harry supplied, “I needed to talk to her first.”

With a very loud ‘tut’ Hermione was quickly pushed aside as Madame Pomfery began running every test she could think of on him- long gone was the considerate and loving healer Hermione had spoken to the night before.

x-x-x

News had gotten around the castle about Harry’s recovery quickly and a steady stream of visitors came for Harry through out the next few days as he regained his strength.

Ron, now that he was no longer scared that he would have to watch another one of his family die in his arms, came to the hospital wing whenever he could, bringing a different present every time. Usually something along the lines Chocolate Frogs or Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans.

Hermione, of course, never left Harry’s side and flat out refused to go to class when he told her she could go if she wanted to.

“Hermione, I know you hate missing classes. You can go if you like. I feel much better now.” He said one Tuesday morning.

“No Harry. I don’t care about classes. Not until you’re better anyway. Then I’ll be on you like a tone of bricks if you start slacking on your homework.” She warned.

“Am I hearing correctly?” Harry teased “Did I just here Hermione Granger say she didn’t care about classes? Surely not!”

“Shut up Harry.” She laughed slapping him lightly on the arm in a friendly manner.

“Seriously Hermione; if you want to go to class you can go- I’ll be fine I promise.”

“Harry Potter, I don’t care if you start dancing Madame Pomferys desk. I am not going to classes until you can come with me, and that’s that.” She said firmly, indicating the end of the conversation.

Harry had no choice but to give in and agree. He knew better than to start arguing with Hermione. Especially when she was determined about something; she could be an immensely stubborn person when she wanted to be.

x-x-x

Finally, almost a week later Harry was declared fit enough to return to classes and released from the Hospital wing with very strict instructions to go straight back if he had even the slightest headache.

That night the Gryffindor common room was a very rowdy and cheerful place to be; all of the Gryffindors had decided to throw Harry a surprise ‘Welcome back!’ party, co-ordinated by Ron, Dean, Seamus and, shockingly, Hermione.

The night was a huge success with many of the 4th years and above not leaving the common room until the very early hours of the morning unable to walk a single step in a straight line.

Perhaps the huge amount of Butterbeer and Fire whiskey wasn’t such a good idea after all.

At 4am the Ron decided that it was time to call it a night and retire to his dorm in a very strange way, crawling to and up the stairs after he had fallen to the ground when he stood.

“Hmmm…” He giggled, sprawled on the floor in front of the sofa where Harry and Hermione were sitting “I think this’ll do to get up there.”

With that he proceeded to crawl, stumble and giggle his way up the stairs leaving Harry and Hermione alone in the now trashed common room.

“Thanks for this ‘ermione” Harry slurred dropping another empty bottle on the ground at his feet.

“You’re welcome Harry. I’m glad you had a good time.” She smiled

“Oh yes. I had a wonderful time, and it’s all because of you.” He said seriously.

“Not just me Harry; Ron Dean and Seamus helped too.”

“I don’t mean the party. I mean everything. I wouldn’t have gotten through it if it wasn’t for you; I was so close to just giving in that day Hermione. But I knew that I couldn’t. I knew that I had to do it. I had to finish it for you. For you to live in a safe world. That’s what kept me going. I knew that even if I didn’t make it- you would and you would live a long happy life. That was all that mattered to me.”

Hermione didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what he was saying. Did he mean what she thought he meant? What she hoped he meant?

“You mean the world to me Hermione. I don’t think I’ve ever told you that before, and I should have. I’m sorry. You mean everything to me, and I love you.”

“You’re drunk Harry. You don’t mean it.” She sighed sadly. Oh how she wished he was serious.

“Yes, I am drunk, but I do mean it. I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life. I’d go back and fight him all over again if that’s what it would take for me to prove to you how I feel. I love you and nothing will ever change that. I can tell you now. Now that the threat has gone. I’ve loved you for years, but I could never let myself love you openly in case someone found out and hurt you to get to me. I couldn’t do that to you Hermione- I couldn’t put you in any more danger than you already were. As my best friend you were already a target, but if the Death Eaters or Voldemort found out how I really felt about you then you would definitely have been an even bigger target. But now, I don’t have to worry about that. All I have to worry about is making a complete fool of myself and frightening you away with my confession. But I had to tell you how I feel Hermione; I’ve been trying to ever since I came round. I love you. I always have and I always will.”

Hermione could only respond to that in one way; she placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him close to her for a soft but deep kiss.

“I love you too Harry.” She whispered once she had pulled away. “I have for so long now. I never expected you feel the same”

“How could I not? You’re so perfect. You’re beautiful both inside and out.”

She answered him with another kiss.

X-X-X

No, she wouldn’t change her Harry for anything in the world. He was her best friend, her boyfriend and her soul mate. She loved him more than anything, and he loved her.

‘It really is the most amazing feeling in the world.’ She thought smiling at him as he continued to scribble away on his essay ‘When someone loves you, you really can do anything.’

END!!!

A/N: OK folks… what do you think? One of the longest one-shots I’ve done... like I said I don’t have a Beta, so sorry for any errors I’ve missed.

Thanks for reading. Please review. :D

~Just Breathing.