White Tulips

Disclaimer: I only own the plot and the characters that you don’t recognize. I’m not making money for this story, and I don’t intend on stealing credit from Ms. J.K. Rowling.

Chapter One: White Tulips and Autumn Colors
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Shoot the Moon’ by Norah Jones)

I sat in the cool, autumn air, idly twirling my pen in my hand as I contemplated the latest situation that life had thrown at me. Merely minutes ago, I had left the stuffy library after a tedious Prefect meeting with my feathers slightly ruffled and my nerves were rather on edge.

Well, it’s not really a situation of sorts. More like an obstacle to overcome. You see, Remus Lupin, my cohort if you will (mostly because he’s the other Gryffindor Prefect), had told me that James Potter wants to talk to me. Now, it may not seem like the worst scenario that you can get yourself into, but whenever James and I plan on having a discussion… well, it never really ends in a truly fantastic way. I vaguely recall James ending up covered from head to toe with some unknown substance that must’ve been invented from my mad dash to hex him after one of our ‘planned encounters’. As a result, it stayed in his hair for days and the not so pleasant smell for even longer. But this was back in third year. We’ve gotten more inventive as the years got on.

On the other hand, whenever we happen to stumble into each other in the common room, well, that’s a completely different story. But that’s something that we’ll get to later on.

So anyway, Remus had told me that James wanted to talk to me. Naturally, I was a little shocked to hear this, because everyone and I mean everyone, knows that something almost always goes wrong by the end of our little meetings. I have to confess that it’s mostly all on my part, so I took the opportunity to suggest meeting in the stands at the Quidditch pitch instead of the couches in the common room, since I find the pitch to be more neutral ground. Plus there’s the added bonus of not having anyone there to witness a fight, which is an occurrence that is completely possible.

For some reason, the Quidditch pitch has always been a place that I go to when I need peace. For one, the view of the Forest from here is incredibly stunning. You can see the treetops for as far as you can see and occasionally a flock of birds would take flight into the sky. The Forest has always been my favorite during the fall and winter. During the autumnal months, the trees blazed vibrant shades of red, yellow, gold and orange, making the Forest appear to be on fire. If everything was really quiet around you and you listened hard enough, sometimes a breeze coming in from the Forest would bring with it the faint ethereal melodies of the centaurs’ flutes.

When I first discovered this perch, I was able to hear the centaurs’ music and I was completely entranced. The notes that they played were filled with the secrets of ageless wisdom and they sent shivers up and down my spine. You see, I’ve always considered myself as a romantic and more importantly, an artist. I’ve been known to draw portraits that shockingly resemble my subject, but my main foil is writing. Ever since I was little, I would write little short stories about whatever tickled my fancy. At first, it was stories about princesses and knights and ogres and fairy godmothers (ironic how that turned out, eh?), but as I grew older, I began to focus around writing about life and music and romance. The centaurs’ music was actually the subject of my very first story here at Hogwarts, and it’s one of my best pieces yet. Hogwarts gave my life a breath of fresh air, taking me away from all the worries at home…

Ah, and here he is now. James Potter. An extensive list of adjectives and nouns will never be able to portray the whirlwind of thought and energy and that that boy radiates. Every idea is a prank to be carried out, every sound must be turned into laughter, and every person a tool in his Great Plan.

“Hello, Lily Flower,” said James, climbing the stairs two at a time and plopping his body down next to mine.

“Hello, James,” I said, taking my head out of the clouds and focusing on the present. I cocked my head to the side and looked at him. “What can I do for you today?”

“Well,” said James, stretching his legs out in front him. I noticed that he has remarkably long legs. “I wanted to ask a favor from you.”

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“I want us to get along this year, Lily,” said James, looking up into my eyes.

I blinked at him stupidly, not really registering what he’s getting at.

“In other words, I want to be friends.”

I frowned at him, openly showing my confusion. “But we are friends, James. What are you talking about?” I rested my chin in my hand and looked at him.

James sighed. “No Lily, we’re acquaintances. That’s something different.”

“Well then, I guess that that means that I have to tell you about myself, doesn’t it? I’m Lily Marie Evans, born on March 24, 1964. I have a sister who’s two years older than me, a dead mother and a father. I love writing, music and my head is always in the clouds.”

“Well, that’s a start,” grinned James.

I looked at him intently for a bit, searching for something nameless in his eyes as a thought suddenly popped up in my mind. “Why are you doing this?”

“What? Trying to be your friend? Well, for one, you’ve always struck me as a person worth knowing. And for another, I don’t intend on having the limb dismemberment scenario repeat itself.”

Oh right. I had forgotten about that. I felt the blood rush into my ears and neck as I blushed furiously. “Sorry,” I quickly muttered.

James shrugged. “It was my fault. I was being a prat. Anyway, Lily Flower, I have to go,” said James, getting up. He conjured a perfect white tulip, my favorite flower and handed it to me. He kissed my cheek and went down the stairs to exit the pitch.

James’s kiss stunned me into silence and paralysis. James has always been a rather touchy-feely person, but he’s never actually outright kissed me. For some reason, it just caught me completely off guard and I began to feel a little bit dizzy.

I clutched the flower to my chest and touched my cheek with my fingers. “Bye,” I whispered weakly after him.

I put the tulip on the seat next to me and looked down at my lap at the invitingly blank page, waiting for me to fill it with some new tale.

I looked at the tulip and thought for a moment, and then began writing.

…..
And now the fall is here again
You can’t begin to give in
It’s all over
…..

A/n: So tell me what you thought about that. It was an idea that I’d come up with a while ago, and I thought that I’d give it a go. As you may have noticed, the story’s in Lily’s point of view, detailing her life, her thoughts, and everything. Each chapter will have an accompanying song, which I think fits the mood of the latest installment. I hope that you enjoyed and please review!

Disclaimer: You know the drill: the plot’s mine and so are the original characters, but everything else is J.K. Rowling’s.

Chapter Two: About the Author
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Daughters’ by John Mayer)

I guess that before I continue telling my story, you’d have to know a couple of important things about the star of it, namely me.

So, like I said before, my name is Lily Marie Evans and it all started 16 years ago on March 24^th, 1964. My mother, Elizabeth actually went through an easy birth. She was only in labor for three hours, which was like a millisecond compared to when she birthed Petunia. She was in labor with my sister for a whopping 29 hours so you see, even from the beginning, my sister was a bitch.

Anyway, my mother was a lady. A true lady, lineage and all. Her father had been a Lord and his before him, and actually, my father’s one as well. My mother, Elizabeth Coates-Evans had all the grace, beauty and composure as the Queen, if not more. Despite the importance of my family’s status, Mum raised Petunia and I, teaching us that no matter who you are in life, you must always be humble. While I never had to wash the dishes, clean my room or do the laundry, I had little chores to do and my mother always saw to it that they were completed before I could run off and play with my dolls. I wasn’t raised like a little princess, as it was Mum’s adamant belief that if Petunia and I were raised as such, we’d be as insufferable as those snooty high society ladies that our family hates so much.

Mum had a passion for flowers. I guess that it’s obvious considering the names that she gave her daughters (she even used to call us her little garden), but flowers were one of the things that made her world go round. Her rose garden was featured in several national home and garden magazines a number of times and her tulips grew in such abundance that even when they got to their sagging point and their petals began to fall off, they were still beautiful. Every room in our house always has a vase or two of flowers. Mum insisted that they give a room life and color. In some ways, Mum’s penchant for flowers was what sparked my interest in art. She’d encourage me to try drawing them and even had teachers come in when I was little to hone and sharpen my skills as a painter.

But my passion for writing and music came from my father.

My father is an exceptional pianist and he extended his love for music to his two daughters. While my mum insisted on the ever-there presence of flowers, my father insisted on always having music playing wherever he was. When we were eating dinner, when we were reading and especially when he was in his study, we’d be listening to Mozart’s concertos or Handel’s arias. He believed, and still does, that music is what keeps you young. I can’t even begin to count the number of times that Dad had spontaneously pulled any of his family up to join him in a waltz or the number of times that I’d caught my parents lovingly dancing cheek-to-cheek in any room of the house.

As for his writing, well, that’s one of the ways that he makes his money. His official job is dealing with international affairs between England and other countries (I guess that you would call him a diplomat, but it’s a little more complicated than that), but in his spare time he writes novels. He’s written novels about the French revolution, or a lovelorn Spaniard, or an Englishman’s journey to unlock the secrets of his past. He’s even written children’s books, but those were just for the enjoyment of Petunia and I.

Anyway, if you haven’t been able to tell by now, my family is my backbone; they’re what helps me keep my head held high. Of course, there’s Petunia who would rather marry a toad than consort with the likes of me, but that’s beside the point. What is important, however, is the fact that my parents couldn’t have been more proud when I received my Hogwarts letter at the breakfast table. It didn’t matter that my mother’s plans to send me to the finest school England could offer were crushed; we had a witch in the family and there was nothing more exceptional than that. My parents were always there with a shoulder to cry on when I came home from the holidays and I was homesick, or to remind me that Petunia’s hateful words shouldn’t have an effect on me because she just doesn’t understand what I am.

Unfortunately, my mother, my idol and hero was savagely ripped away from our close-knit family. When I was barely 12 years old, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and it had quickly spread to her lungs and kidneys. Her once lively health rapidly deteriorated, leaving my mother’s beautiful body an empty shell. I was at Hogwarts when it finally happened, when my mother left the world 10 months after the diagnosis. Professor Dumbledore was sympathetic enough to let me return home for a month to help my family sort things out and deal with my grief. My friends also helped me through that time and if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be the way I am today.

My best friend in the whole wide world is Kate von Strassberg, a fellow Muggleborn Gryffindor with a sweet disposition and a passion for romance that rivals my own. She’s one of the only people that can zap me out of a bad mood just like that. When I was down after my mother’s death, Kate rose magnificently to the challenge of consoling me and helping me with my grief. She helped me to see the silver lining and to brighten up, reminding me about the better and brighter side of life.

My other best friend is Georgina Vance, but we like to call her Georgie. Unlike Kate and myself, Georgie comes from a wizarding family, so she’s more worldly and knowledgeable in the ways of magic, especially when you compared her to us two dunderheads. Georgie is one of those people who is never ever down in life. She’s always laughing about something and she always has to be moving. You can’t even begin to imagine how many times Georgie’s been reprimanded in class for squirming too much. Especially in History of Magic.

Kate and Georgie together made it clear to me that if I was going to wallow in self-pity after Mum died, they were going to throw me into a tub full of ice cold water with very large spiders crawling about and we once came very near to doing just that. I still shiver at the memory of seeing that tub. You see, I have terrible arachnophobia.

Anyway, I think that I might have dallied long enough and it’s time to talk about myself and not my family and friends.

I guess you can say that I’ve had myself figured out since I was twelve. After my beloved mother died, I had spent a lot of time on my own, pondering the things in life. I’ve also been able to add to my personal description as the years went on and things happened that made me learn more about myself.

One of the things that I can tell you without hesitation is that I’m a hopeless romantic. I was raised in a household with parents who are/were over-the-moon in love with each other and I constantly had a Jane Austen book in my hand. You don’t know how it tore me to pieces when Elizabeth Bennet first said no to Mr. Darcy and my stomach was twisted in knots as she read the contents of his letter. Anyway, that’s beside the point. I jump at any opportunity and chance at experiencing romance first-hand, but so far true love has avoided me. I’ve learned that I can be a little too trusting sometimes, which has led me to sticky situations on more occasions than one. You see, I’m one of those poor unfortunate souls who doesn’t really think before diving into something, trusting the person that I’m with with a trust so complete that I never suspect that they would have ulterior motives or that they were just the wrong type of person that I should be with. I always create this image of the current significant other for myself, putting that special person up on a golden pedestal, trying to make them happy even if I, myself, am miserable.

You know, I realize that it may seem very strange to think that me, a girl of sixteen years, has herself so figured out. I can only respond by saying that when you live in a world so full of deceit and lies, the very least that you can do is to figure out who you yourself is. I figure that it’s one of my contributions to society. By me knowing exactly who I am, I’m one less person who has to take a major detour in life just to figure out what I want. I also just happen to be the type of person who likes to think a lot and I’ve had more than enough time and painful experiences to make myself pause and wonder why certain things happen to me, or what it is that makes me me.

Anyway, another thing about me is that I’m either overly passionate about something, or just too jaded to care and thus look at things with a blasé attitude. It’s almost like I’m bipolar, except that instead of me being either depressed or happy, I either care a lot or don’t care at all. It’s a tricky thing, you see… My family, friends, romance, writing, music and my grades all fit into the ‘care’ category, but certain things such as new gadgets, the latest fashions, and mean people fit into the ‘don’t care’ category. Of course, I care about these things at least a little bit, enough to be properly dressed or feel slight resentment towards those grumpies, as I like to call them, but not enough to be fanatic over it.

There’s one more side of me that comes to mind and that’s my appreciation for things. I’ve always, well, almost always, been one to notice things such as color, texture, balance and rhythm and appreciate them for what they are. Nature has been good to me by letting me have the eye to take in my surroundings and permanently feel in awe of the beauty and grace of the world. That’s another reason why I like the Quidditch pitch so much—when I sit there alone and stare out at the treetops straining for the familiar sounds of a flute, I realize how small I am in the elephantine pitch. I feel humbled in the way that only magnificent things can accomplish and I’m grateful for it. Whenever I feel stressed or choked up with emotion, I like to lose myself in the immense labyrinth that is the castle, discovering priceless paintings, hidden passageways and forgotten courtyards. If something’s really bothering me, my travels extend out to the surrounding grounds where I lose myself for hours at a time, only coming back when the sun begins to splash vivid colors on the sky, God’s expansive canvas.

Despite everything that I’ve just said, there’s one last thing about me that is absolutely crucial information:

I’m completely terrified of falling in love.

….
I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
She’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
…..

Disclaimer: No new characters yet, but the thoughts and plot’s mine. So no plagiarizing!

Chapter Three: Sundays
(Chapter’s Song: ‘59^th Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy)’ by Simon and Garfunkle)

I rolled over and yawned, slowly stretching and willing myself out of my peaceful slumber. I settled back into bed contentedly and pulled the crumpled piece of parchment out from under my butt.

Dear Lily,
We know how you and Grace are on Sunday mornings, so we left without you guys. Most likely won’t see you till dinner or so.
Love,
Kate, Georgie and Sophie

I laughed at my friends and the routine that we’ve all grown accustomed to over the past 6 years. Grace and I always like to sleep in on Sunday mornings, enjoying our last day of freedom and the first day of the week. Whenever Kate, Georgie or Sophie had ever tried to wake us up to do something, they always ended up just leaving us alone and letting us do our own thing.

You see, I hold Sundays in high regard. Sundays are the days that I reserve for complete relaxation and for complete me time. I basically just lounge around, draw up a bath or snuggle up in an armchair with a book. I have this rule where I absolutely forbid myself to do any work on Sundays. If I were Catholic, God would be so proud of me. But alas, I’m not so whoopdeedoo.

After getting ready for the day and pulling on my favorite sweater and my comfiest pair of jeans, I settled down on my bed with Ella Enchanted, a childhood favorite of mine. My copy of the book is so worn that bits of the spine have already started to fall off and several chapters have been detached as a result of countless readings. Of course, I could just do a simple repairo spell, but that would take away from the experience of the book. It just wouldn’t be the same if chapter 24 didn’t fall out every time I opened the cover.

I sighed as I thought about Prince Char and Ella sliding down the banisters, completely caught up in the moment and with each other as I stared out the window at the blue expanse, dotted with signs of an oncoming storm. I frowned at the gathering grey clouds rolling in from the south, threatening to ruin a fantastic mid-September day.

A mumbled phrase made its way out of Grace’s curtains, then a loud crash and sleep-induced cursing. Startled, I looked up and saw Grace in a pile next to her bed with her duvet tangled around her body.

“Grace, are you okay?” I asked, laughing.

“Uh huh,” she mumbled sleepily. She reached up into her bed, pulled a pillow down and proceeded to go back to sleep on the floor.

I shook my head at Grace’s antics and then put my book down on my bedside table. After pondering my options and feeling a little restless, I decided that I definitely wouldn’t be able to get back into the mood for reading, so I meandered down to the common room.

A couple of students were scattered here and there talking or studying together, but what caught my eye was a certain studious boy with his nose in a book.

“Hello there,” I said, plopping down into a chair.

James marked his page in his book, pushed his glasses up his nose and looked up at me. “Hey,” he said simply.

“You wanna go do something? Everyone left and I’m kind of bored,” I said.

James leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sure. What do you want to do?”

I shrugged. “A couple of days ago you told me that you wanted to get to know me, so I thought that I’d take you up on that offer. Plus, I’ve always found you an interesting person as well,” I said, continuing our last conversation.

James opened his eyes and looked at me for a long time before saying anything. “Yeah, okay. Come on.”

“Where are we-”

James put his hand on my lips and shook his head, smiling a mysterious smile. “Just trust me.”

A couple of minutes later, I found myself in a place that I knew all too well.

I raised my eyebrows at James. “Of all of the places that you could have taken me to on the entire campus, you took me to the Quidditch pitch? Really original, James.”

“Hold on, Evans. Give me a chance to explain myself first,” said James.

I plopped down on the grass rather unceremoniously and waited for James to continue.

“So, I know, and everyone else knows that you’re here almost as often as you’re in the common room, but no one knows why,” said James, lying down on the grass. He turned his head and looked at me, waiting for an explanation.

I drew my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees, thinking for a bit. “Do you really want to know?”

James shrugged and watched the heavy clouds roll by.

I sighed. “There are actually several reasons for why I come here… The first one that comes to mind is that I had my first kiss here. Right up there,” I said, pointing up at the topmost seat in the Gryffindor section of the stands. “You have to understand that I’m a sucker for romance and so I was waiting for my first kiss since I understood what a kiss is. Obviously, the memory of it sticks with me. I can still recall when it happened, what the air smelled like, everything.” The wind picked up and I fixed my collar against it, shivering. At the thought of the kiss or the wind, I’m not quite sure.

“Sorry to interrupt,” said James. “But who was the lucky chap?”

I blushed and leaned back on my hands. “Remus Lupin, actually.”

James laughed. “Funny how that works out, eh? Anyway, go on.”

I cleared my throat. “Right. Another reason is that when I… got the news, the first place that I could think to run to was here, because of that kiss. And then while I was hiding out here I heard some music coming in from the Forest. Ever since then, I come here all the time to hear it again because it keeps me sane.”

James suddenly sat up, with a curious look in his eyes. “Why would you of all people need to take a step back from life to put things in perspective? You’re one of the most put together people that I know.”

I looked at him for a second and then laughed. “Wow. You really have no idea, do you? My life is a complete mess. Well, it sort of is, anyway. I just seem to be so ‘put together’ as you, well, put it, but that’s only because of my mini-breaks. When Mum died, god, I was such a complete wreck. It would always take me two tries before I could get a simple alohamora to work. But I guess I hid it well since you and pretty much everyone had no idea, but… I was this close to just giving up.”

“You loved her that much, huh?” said James softly, resting his elbows on his knees.

I nodded and looked down. “She was always there for me when I needed her. I was so incredibly homesick during first year and Mum used to send me letters every other day with a kiss on the bottom until I finally got adjusted to the whole boarding school and ‘I’m a witch’ thing. And aside from school stuff, she taught me basically everything I know.”

I glanced at James for a second to see if he was following and I almost gasped at what I found. His eyes were a swirl of different colors and showed so much emotion. They were so full of sympathy, care, understanding and a whole slew of other things that I couldn’t quite make out. He watched and listened to me as if everything that I said would be groundbreaking. He looked at me almost as if he could see right through me and I was beginning to think that he actually had the power to read my thoughts and know everything about me that I keep hidden from the world.

I looked away and stood up. “Come on, let’s walk around. I can’t stay still for another second.” I brushed grass off my butt and swept my hair back from my face.

“Alright. But answer me this one question,” said James, getting to his feet.

“Shoot.”

James paused mid-stroll and looked at me with a serious face. “Do you believe that fire ants get randy off of pickle juice?”

Birds fluttered by overhead. The wind rustled the trees off to the left, sending down a shower of red and orange and yellow and gold. Laughter could be heard in the distance. Fire ants get aroused because of pickle juice… My world came to a screeching halt and I blinked. “Wait, what?”

“Do you or do you not believe that fire ants get randy off of pickle juice?” James asked again.

I immediately burst into a fit of laughter, my eyes almost closing and tears of mirth forming at their corners. “You’re a daft buffoon,” I finally pronounced, once I caught my breath.

James shrugged. “Peter said that once. Sirius and I were arguing over one thing or another and he stopped the fight by asking us that oh so important question. Ever since then, we’ve used it whenever we needed to throw off the tension.”

“Then why’d you have to do it now?” I asked, pulling down my sleeves to cover my hands.

“Because I didn’t want to make you think about something that makes you sad.”

“Oh,” I said softly. We continued to walk in a companionable silence towards an undisclosed location, lost in our own thoughts.

“Do people always give you lilies because of your name?” asked James all of a sudden.

“Do you always ask weird questions that start with ‘do’?” I shot back.

“Just answer the question, Evans.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes. Usually it’s just as a joke though, but sometimes people are off their rocker enough to think that it’s an original gesture. Other times it’s roses, but I don’t really like people giving me roses because they’re too complicated.”

“How the bloody hell are roses complicated? They’re all just flowers to me,” said James, frowning.

“Roses are way more complicated than you think. Every color has a specific meaning and I’ve always taken it rather seriously. For example, a dozen red roses mean really deep love, white roses mean purity, yellow means happiness, friendship and hope, and pink means thank you. I don’t know. Just something that my mum passed on to me,” I said, shrugging.

“Well, a rose by any other word would smell as sweet,” said James.

I couldn’t help but feel a little brushed off by James’s comment. I mean, sure, I’m impressed by the fact that he knows at least a little bit of Shakespeare (no matter how famous that line is or how he said it in such a blasé way), but I felt a little disappointed that he would disregard it so easily.

“Anyway,” I said, moving the conversation along. “I’ve told you enough about me for today. Let’s talk about you.”

“Well, what do you want to know?” asked James, glancing down at me.

“Why do you hate Snape so much?” I asked. Hmm, I didn’t really expect that to be my first question.

Apparently James didn’t either. “Pretty straight forward, aren’t you, Evans? I thought that you were going to ask me something about the guys or my family, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Anyway, Snivellus… What’s there to say about him? He hates me, his family hates mine and we just… can’t get along. There’s just something about him that immediately ticks me off. I don’t know. It’s sort of complicated, but at the same time not really.”

“Um, okay. That was kind of really unclear and sort of answered my question, but whatever,” I said, frowning. “Oh. What’s with the whole Moony/Wormtail/Padfoot/Prongs thing?”

I felt James stiffen beside me and stop for a split second, but he quickly composed himself and kept his stride.

James shrugged. “It’s sort of a group thing. We came up with it sometime around the end of last year as… codenames for our ‘extra curricular activities’,” said James, making air quotes with his hands.

“I see,” I said. Why does James keep on skirting around my questions? A light rain started to fall, but we kept on walking anyway, heading towards the general direction of the Whomping Willow.

“Sirius is the best friend anyone can ever hope for,” offered James suddenly. “He’s almost like a brother to me. Fuck it, he is my brother. He’s always willing to lend an ear, always backs me up and he even lets me punch him just to get some frustration out. I’ve only done it once, but he keeps on insisting whenever I’m stressed out. He’s really dependable. Never lets you down. I think that one of the reasons why we barely ever fight is because we’re just on the same wavelength. He’s the type of person that you’ll only ever meet once in a lifetime. He’s so god damn crazy that it’s sometimes admirable. I can’t even begin to recount all of the pranks that he’s come up with. Some of them are purely strokes of genius and others are just so… difficult that you have to be close to insanity to pull it off. And let me tell you: Sirius did carry them out, flawlessly, no less, and he didn’t get caught. He has balls of steel, that one. Not afraid of anything. In a sense, he’s everything that I could ever aspire to be. His outlook on life is just so laid back and carefree, that it’s impossible to tell that he has some funky stuff going on at home.” James paused here and looked at my expectant face. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that, so if you could just… keep that bit of information to yourself.”

I nodded, but couldn’t help feeling curious about what’s going on at home and why it’s all so hush-hush.

In all honesty, I didn’t expect James to open up the way he did. The words all tumbled out of his mouth, all in a rush to explain the indescribable bond between a man and his best friend, proving the truth in all of his words. That speech of his was all just describing one person and I’m pretty damn sure that he could have gone on for at least an hour without saying the same thing twice. It’s really admirable to have such complete trust in one person. I don’t think that I can ever/will ever be able to have a bond with someone that even remotely resembles the friendship that Sirius and James have. I mean, sure I have Kate, but girls are just… different from boys. Haven’t you ever noticed how a girl usually won’t hesitate to say something behind her friend’s back, no matter how close she is to her? Us girls just have a sad fixation on petty things and getting ahead, that we don’t really realize how it affects each other or even ourselves.

“So what’s your analysis of me?” asked James suddenly.

I looked up to find his eyes dancing and laughing at me, waiting to see what kind of judgment I had passed.

I smiled. “Well, Mr. Potter. I can’t tell you much except that the root of all of your personality defects is your bad childhood, which we will have to thoroughly go over in the next couple of weeks. Oh and you also owe me 60 quid for today’s session,” I said, perfectly playing the role of a psychiatrist.

Big drops of rain began splattering in our faces before James had a chance to respond. The light rain that had been falling earlier suddenly escalated into a huge rainstorm. The sky had broken and sheets of rain began pounding mercilessly down on us, creating a misty and dreamlike haze wherever you looked.

James began running towards the castle but I reached out and caught his hand.

“Wait! Let’s stay in the rain for a little bit. I love rainstorms,” I said, grinning and tilting my face up towards the skies.

“Lily have you gone mad? We’re going to get so sick!” said James, staring at me with a bewildered look in his eyes.

I laughed at him and began spinning around, hugging myself. “The rain is beautiful, James. Embrace it! It gives everything life. Have you ever noticed how green and alive everything looks after a heavy rainstorm?”

“Yes,” said James. “But have you also seen how muddy and murky and cold it is after a rainstorm?”

“You’re no fun,” I said, frowning at James. I stopped my happy spinning and laughing and began walking back towards the shelter of the castle.

James ran ahead of me and then walked backwards to keep eye contact. “Oh, come on. Don’t be angry. I just don’t want to get sick. That’s all. I love the rain.”

Normally, I would’ve been rather angry for having something that I love so ill-treated, but I was just too happy from the sudden downpour to keep a sour countenance. “Okay,” I said, smiling.

A couple of minutes later, we pushed open the heavy front doors and stumbled into the Entrance Hall, shivering and wringing ourselves free of excess water.

At that moment, I suddenly saw James in a new light. His wet hair was wild and all over the place, his bangs damp and plastered to his forehead. His hazel eyes were alight and shining with a happy glow and his cheeks were rosy from the cold and exercise. If there’s one thing that I discovered about James at that exact moment, it’s that he’s sinfully attractive and I felt as if a blindfold had just been taken off my eyes. Even his glasses make him attractive. In fact, they add to James’s ‘look’. My heart skipped a beat when he reached out for my elbow and began leading me up the stairs back to Gryffindor Tower.

When we got back to the Tower, we were accosted by our friends, asking us where we’d been all day and why we were soaking wet.

Still in a happy daze, I meandered back upstairs to my dorm and changed into something warm and dry. For the rest of the day, I hung out with my friends, exchanging stories about our day and going over homework to make sure that we had everything right.

The next day at breakfast, I received a bouquet of yellow and pink roses.

“Dear Lily,
Just letting you know that I was listening. The yellow’s a toast for our future friendship and the pink’s to thank you for spending your day with little old me.
Rain on,
James.”

…..
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me
Life I love you
All is groovy
…..

Disclaimer: Yay! New characters! Kate von Strassberg, Georgina Vance, Sophie Sinclair, Grace Gould and Nate Ford are my brainchildren and ought not to be stolen. All of the other stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling and the publishing companies and whatnot.

Chapter Four: Fugly Flowers and Boy Bred Befuddlement
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Life and Love and Why’ by Switchfoot)

“Lily, you really need to throw those out already! They’re making a mess and they’ve gotten fugly,” said Georgie, pointing at my flowers.

It’s been two weeks since James sent me the bouquet of pink and yellow roses and they still sat on the vanity. My room mates have been complaining for the past couple of days now, whining about how dead petals and dried up pieces of flower have fallen below the arrangement, creating a rather unattractive mess on top of people’s brushes. Plus my poor flowers are already wilting and completely dried up.

“Okay, fine,” I said, banishing the roses and their remains. “I’m not even sure why I’ve kept them for this long. And really, Georgie. You have to stop saying ‘fugly.’ It’s getting annoying,” I said.

“I think it’s funky. ‘Fugly.’ Just say it. Besides, it beats saying ‘fucking ugly,’ don’t you think?” said Kate, sticking a barrette in her hair.

“Well, whatever. I’m just glad that the fugly flowers are gone,” said Georgie, winking at me when she said it.

I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a bitch.”

Georgie swept into a curtsy and smiled. “Never forget it.”

Sophie came out of the bathroom just then, her hair straight for today. “Ooh, yay! Lily got rid of the flowers! They were really getting fugly,” she squealed.

“Aah! Enough with the fugly!” I groaned, flopping back on my bed. “Let’s just go to breakfast already. Please.”

We gathered our books for the morning and headed downstairs to the common room.

“I really don’t get what the big deal is with ‘fugly.’ It’s not bad at all,” said Grace.

“I don’t know. There’s just something about the word that’s… off. Maybe it’s because it sounds kind of sharp and ugly,” I suggested.

“You mean it’s fugly,” said Georgie smugly.

“Ugh, fine. Whatever. I don’t even know why we’re debating over a stupid word,” I said as we sat down at the Gryffindor table.

“Holy zig zags, did you know that it’s already October?” said Sophie.

Kate rolled her eyes. “Soph, it’s been October for almost half a week now. But yes, it is weird that we’re so far into the school year already. It’s almost as though school started two days ago, yeah?”

She, like the rest of us, ignored Sophie’s weird expression. You should see what else she’s come up with… Crazy ostriches, holy moly rolly polly olly, funky far out and totally über duber, etc, etc.

“Don’t even remind me,” I said. “That only means that the workload’s going to get infinitely worse in a matter of weeks. Come November, we’ll forget what it looks like outside.”

“But then the Quidditch season starts! You can’t forget about Quidditch!” said Georgie enthusiastically.

“Of course not,” I said seriously. “It’s one of the highlights of the year. Forgetting about Quidditch is like forgetting my birthday!”

“Speaking of which, guess who turns 17 soon!” squealed Kate.

“You’re ancient,” said Grace. “Almost as old and mossy as Stone Henge.”

“Oh my god, don’t look now, but I think that there’s a wrinkle on her forehead,” whispered Sophie, pointing.

“She needs Botox ASAP,” whispered Grace, nodding along.

“A boob lift wouldn’t be bad either. Look, she’s sagging already,” said Sophie.

“Oh, honestly, you two! You’re going to be seventeen not too long after me!” said Kate, throwing up her hands.

“Katie, when are you going to go to the Ministry and get your Apparition license?” I asked. At that moment, my owl Oleander landed next to me and dropped a letter from her beak.

“I don’t know. Probably over Christmas holiday though, I can tell you that much. Who’s the letter from?”

I looked at my name written on the envelope and immediately recognized the handwriting. “My dad,” I said simply. I tucked the letter into my bag for safe keeping to read later during lunch.

“Come on, poops. Lovely McGonagall awaits us,” said Georgie, after sending her large package from home to the dorm.

“Do we really have to go?” whined Kate as Grace heaved her up.

“Miss Evans, please pay attention!” said Professor McGonagall sharply.

I looked up from my drawing and flashed her my teacher’s pet smile.

McGonagall turned away and continued her lecture on transfiguring one animal into another.

I sighed and looked down at my piece of parchment with a sketch of Kate’s hands and her pretty sapphire ring. I’m going to have to ask Remus if I can copy his notes later.

All of a sudden, I was assaulted with several pieces of balled up parchment hitting me in the back of my head.

I whipped around in my chair, sending an angry glare at James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, all trying to look innocent in their seats. James was staring at me with an amused smile playing on his lips. He mouthed ‘go on’ and gestured towards the parchment.

I rolled my eyes and opened up the pieces of paper.

‘Lily, you’re an angel in disguise,’ said one of them, written in Peter’s hand.

‘You take my breath away with every shoe that you buy,’ said Remus’s.

‘Please throw me into a broom closet and savagely rip my clothes off with your teeth,’ said Sirius’s. I rolled my eyes at him, and he grinned at me and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

‘Meet me at the greenhouses after dinner,’ said James’s. I looked up at him and saw that he was watching me. I nodded subtly and then turned my attentions back to class.

“What’d they say?” whispered Kate, barely moving her lips and keeping her eyes on McGonagall.

I passed her their notes under the table wordlessly. “James wants to see me after dinner,” I whispered back, sighing wistfully.

Kate looked at me sharply. “You’re not falling for him, are you?”

I shook my head vehemently. “God no. I don’t like him that way, you know that. We’re not even friends.”

“That’s not the impression that I got when you stumbled into the common room soaked to the bone two weeks ago,” said Kate.

I blushed. “That’s only because I realized how hot he really is.”

“Oh, Lily. Don’t do this to yourself. I know how you are with boys. James… Don’t let James get to you,” she said.

I nodded. “I’ll try.”

Oh Kate, what would I do without you? You always know what I’m thinking and can predict my every move. Seriously, if Kate didn’t watch my back all the time, I’d probably be sent off in a thousand pieces jumbled up in a crate to St. Mungo’s with a letter sending me to the closed ward for life.

The rest of the classes and the day in general passed by in a blur. It was one of those days where you feel like you’re having an out of body experience, you know? Like, you know what you’re doing and what you’re thinking and all of that, but your mind just isn’t there. Maybe it’s because today’s a Wednesday or something, I don’t know.

Dad’s letter sort of brought me back to reality. It wasn’t really anything important, just letting me know how things are going at home, at work, etc, etc. He’d been living in London recently, since both Petunia and I are away at school and being in the country was just too lonely for him. He asked me if I’d found anyone worthy of bringing home for Christmas, which made me blush and I couldn’t help but think about James. Am I really falling for him? Given my past history with guys, it wouldn’t be the first time I’d fallen for a guy just because he’s showing me some attention and has a pretty face to boot. Maybe Kate’s right. Maybe I am letting James get to me, more than I know.

I shook my head to clear my mind and wrapped my sweater tightly against the draft in the hallways. All of a sudden, a pair of arms whirled me around into their owner’s body and enclosed my lips in a kiss.

I immediately recognized the boy’s scent, his body and his kiss and relaxed into him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He hungrily took me in, tangling his hands in my hair like he so often used to do. The days of snogging and wild parties rushed back into my head and I smiled inwardly. I’d missed him over the summer. Maybe… No, I can’t bring him home. That would be too weird. I’m not even sure if I still like him, at least, not as strongly as I did last year.

We broke apart gasping for breath and I looked up into his green eyes, darker than my own but more intense and emotional.

“Hey,” I smiled, kissing him chastely on the cheek, but keeping my arms around him.

“I’ve missed you so much,” said Nate, pulling me into a warm hug.

“How’ve you been? Seventh year as gruesome as it’s rumored to be?” I asked him, taking his hand and continuing my journey to the greenhouses.

Nate let out a cross between a snarl, a growl and a moan. “The amount of work we’re getting is insane. I miss the good old days, back when the workload was much easier. Be happy that you’re still in sixth year. NEWT year sucks. Lil, it would’ve been so much easier if we were in the same House.”

I laughed. “Nate, we’d fail out of Hogwarts if we were in the same House. You know that as well as I do. Besides, how would it look if our Head Boy was mixing business with pleasure? Prefect meetings would be unbearable.”

“They already are, love,” said Nate, kissing the top of my head. “Where are you off to, anyway?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m going to the greenhouses. James asked me to meet him there earlier,” I said, blushing. Thank god we’re outside and it’s dark. I don’t even know why I’m blushing. I mean, it’s just James! It’s not like I’m interested in him. After all, I have Nate, one of the most sought after guys in Hogwarts!

“James…” said Nate thoughtfully. “James Potter? Captain of your Quidditch team?”

“He made Captain?” I asked.

Nate laughed. “Lily, you’re so out of it sometimes.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Well, you know me. Totally spacey.”

“But completely brilliant,” said Nate. “Well, here you are.” We kissed one last time, and he wrapped his scarf around my neck for extra warmth. “I’ll see you later, Lily.”

I smiled and pushed the door open to one of the greenhouses and immediately the scent of hundreds of plants and flowers assaulted my nose, making me dizzy and sending my head spinning.

I spotted a head of black hair down by the assortment of wizard flowers.

“Ahoy there!” I called out to him when I was within hearing range.

James looked up at me and smiled, his eyes never leaving my face as I approached him.

“You’re wearing a Ravenclaw scarf,” he said flatly, motioning to my neck. The smile fell off of his face with incredible speed and it was as if it was never there.

“So I am,” I said, my happiness immediately ebbing away and my defenses kicking in. “Why did you want to see me down here?” I asked, cutting straight to the point.

“I just… I wanted to… You know what? Never mind,” said James, suddenly angry.

I narrowed my eyes and stared at him. “No James. What did you want to see me for? And why the hell are you suddenly angry with me?”

“Never mind, I said! You just,” said James, motioning to my scarf again. “You’re still with him?”

Oh, so it was all about Nate now, was it? “Yes. And frankly, it’s none of your business to know who I date and why. I don’t need to explain myself, and to you, of all people! James, we’re not even friends! What right do you have to question my choices?”

James immediately looked hurt, but then his face hardened and he stood up straighter. “Fine. Sorry I even asked. Excuse me, I have somewhere else to be.” He walked past me, making sure to bump my shoulder with his on his way out.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, thinking about my mum’s banana bread and my dad’s scent of pipe smoke. I opened my eyes and I knew that they had changed back to their original light green color instead of the darker tones that they must’ve had during my exchange with James.

I sighed and sat down on a nearby bench and dropped my head into my hands. Just another example of why it’s always bad if we plan our meetings. Things are never going to change between us. I admit that much. For every advance that we make, we’re always going to have to take two steps back for one reason or another.

I sat up properly and looked around me. The windows of the greenhouse were fogged up and the lights overhead beat down mercilessly. I took off Nate’s scarf and held it in my hands, staring at everything that it represented. It’s funny how a single article of clothing can speak volumes about one person… In my peripheral, I saw a splash of color protesting against the uniform green of the room.

An abandoned arrangement of yellow fire tulips, irises, and white oleanders lay on the ground, scattered as though dropped in a hurry. I bent down and picked them up and saw that the normally small blue flame in the tulips swelled and became pink when I looked inside. I furrowed my brow. The flame normally doesn’t change color…

I brushed aside the thought and gathered my things and the flowers, ready to put them in a vase back in the dorm. I quietly laughed to myself. Hopefully they won’t be deemed fugly once placed in the room.

“Hey Lil. How was your meeting with James?” asked Kate, who was sitting at the bureau with her brush in hand.

I sat down on the end of her bed and looked at her through the mirror. “Judging by the way that you just asked me, I think that you already know.” I sighed and got up to put my flowers in the blue vase.

Kate turned around and studied me while I moved about the room. “Was it as bad as usual?”

I sat down on the bench next to her and smiled. “No, it wasn’t. All that happened was that I went into the greenhouse, he saw my scarf, well, the scarf that I was wearing and he got upset. We exchanged a couple of words and then he left.” I smiled ruefully. “At least I didn’t hex him this time.”

Kate laughed and shook her head. “Wait, your scarf?” she asked, looking up.

“Yeah,” I said, sighing. I took Nate’s scarf off from around my neck and gave it to Kate to hold.

Kate folded it and placed it in her lap and smiled. “How is he?”

I smiled back at her. “As irresistible as ever. But, I don’t know. It’s not the same as last year, you know? Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen him in such a long time or because I’ve changed or something, but I just… don’t feel the same around him anymore.”

“Well, that’s good. At least now Grace won’t have to perform her anti-hickey charm on you every couple of hours and you won’t just randomly disappear in the middle of the night,” said Kate, laughing.

I laughed and shook my head. Hey, I may be a romantic, but I’m no prude. “Anyway, yeah, I don’t know. You know what I mean?”

Kate nodded, understanding my cryptic way of speaking. “I know, honey. Just take your time. Oh and before I forget, here,” said Kate, getting up and walking to the desk.

“When James came into the common room, he looked really upset. Anyway, he conjured this and told me to give it to you. He knows what your favorite flower is?” she asked, arching her eyebrows.

I reached out and accepted James’s flower and held in my hands another one of his perfect white tulips. I smiled, immediately touched. “Yeah, I guess he does. And it’s sort of become our symbol of peace.”

All of a sudden, Georgie bounded into the room with a gorgeous blue coat on.

“Hey poops!” she cried, twirling around in front of the mirror. “You like?” she asked, gesturing towards the jacket.

“Me likey,” said Kate.

“And look! The best part is that it looks like I’m not wearing anything under it! I could totally pass off as a flasher,” said Georgie happily, quickly opening up her coat to reveal that she is indeed, wearing her uniform underneath.

“Is that what came in the box this morning?” I asked.

“Yep. And look, Mum sent me these, too!” said Georgie, pulling a pair of brand new black snakeskin heels out of her trunk.

“Oh, shut up,” said Kate, who has a huge shoe fetish, grabbing a shoe out of Georgie’s hand and examining it. “What’s the occasion?”

“Promotion at work. She’s the new style editor of Siren, so now she gets a ton of free stuff,” said Georgie, whirling around.

“Alright, well, I’m exhausted, so I’m going to get ready for bed,” I said, picking up my pajamas on the way to the bathroom.

The truth of the matter was that I wasn’t tired at all. After climbing into bed, I laid awake until well past midnight, going in circles in my head.

Do I still like Nate? Should I keep on leading him on the way I am now? I mean, I hadn’t even thought about him until he kissed me tonight. And what about James? Why am I suddenly thinking about him all of the time?

I sighed and got up to go down to the common room to think. It’s times like these when I really miss my mum. She would’ve been able to help me sort out this mess and realize what it is that I’m feeling, even though it’s all silly, trivial boy stuff. I thought about Mum’s comforting words and her soothing voice and the way that she always made everything seem infinitely better, especially with a cup of her famous tea.

I curled up on a couch and wiped my eyes as I stared at the dying fire.

“Lily? Is that you?”

…..
Take away from me
This monstrosity
‘Cause my futile thinkings
Not gonna solve nothing tonight
…..

Disclaimer: Don’t own Lily or James. Or Hogwarts. But it’d be cool if I did.

Chapter Five: Glowing Embers
(Chapter’s Song: ‘The Scientist’ by Coldplay)

I quickly wiped my cheeks and sat up straighter.

“Yeah, hey James,” I said softly.

He held something dark and fluid in his hands, which he quickly stuffed into his pajama pockets. His hair was tousled and it seemed as though the peace of sleep had evaded him as well.

“Are you okay? What are you doing down here?” he asked, sitting down beside me.

“The question is, what were you doing outside after hours?” I said, sniffling a little.

James furrowed his brow and looked straight into my eyes and they began to well up with tears again. Sitting in such close proximity to one of the people who’s causing me this trouble, no matter how minute, set off the wet works again and I furiously began to blink as I leaned back against the cushions on the couch.

“Oh love, what’s wrong?” asked James tenderly, pulling me into an embrace as I began to openly weep.

I shook my head and attempted to smile through my tears. “It’s nothing, I’m just being stupid. I miss my mum is all.” I shook my head again and wiped my tears away, angry at myself for breaking down in front of James like this.

“Hey, hey, it’s all right. Don’t worry about it. And I want you to know that I may not be your mum, but I’m always here for you if you need me. Just, you know, give me a call,” said James soothingly. He fished in his pocket and produced a small rectangular piece of parchment and handed it to me.

I held it up to the fire and read what it said. ‘Mr. Prongs of Gryffindor’s 6^th years invites you to call upon him whenever in need of a big strong shoulder to cry on,’ read the calling card.

I laughed and playfully hit James. “You’re such an idiot,” I said.

“But I’m a cute idiot,” said James in a childish voice, making his eyes look huge and pouting like a 4 year old who didn’t get his afternoon cookie.

I smiled and shook my head.

“You’re not denying it,” said James slyly.

“No, I’m not,” I said, grinning slightly.

“Alas, the lady grins!” said James happily.

There was something akin to an awkward silence, so I decided to remedy the situation from this past evening. “Listen, I’m sorry about earlier. I just have this awful tendency of getting really bitchy whenever someone second-guesses my decisions because I really do take the time to think about them. Well, more often than not, anyway. And also, I honestly didn’t mean what I said about you and I not being friends because we really are,” I said, craning my neck to look up at him.

James’s face had turned solemn during my apology and he stared contemplatively at the glowing embers. He looked up at me through his eyelashes, his eyes telling me that he had accepted my apology before I even offered it. “Lil, I should be the one apologizing. I was being stupid. I was being really stupid. Forgive me?”

I nodded. “Of course,” I said, and kissed his cheek. “Oh, by the way, congratulations on making Captain.”

“You heard?”

“Yeah. Actually, um, Nate told me. But yeah. Sorry I couldn’t offer my congratulations sooner,” I said.

James shrugged. “No problem.”

I nodded and turned to look out the window, snuggling into the warmth that James’s body offered. He smells like a heavenly combination of soap, clean laundry and Hogwarts in the fall, settling my nerves and bringing me to a peaceful state. James rested his cheek against my hair and I closed my eyes, sighing contentedly. I reveled in the fact that I somehow knew that we could spend hours like this without saying a word. I don’t know how I knew it, but when James pulled my sleeve down to cover my shoulder for me, I knew that James really would always be there for me if I needed him. All I had to do was ask.

“James, what’s your favorite color?” I asked out of the blue.

“Green,” he said immediately. “It’s the color of life and growth. It also happens to look smashing on me,” joked James with a hint of his old confidence.

“What’s your favorite pastry?” he countered.

“Hmm… It’s a tie between a home-baked vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting and a really thick and rich brownie that needs a really tall glass of milk to go with it. Favorite band?”

“On the WWN, I’d have to say The Switchblades, but Elvis Costello for Muggles. Middle name?”

“Marie. Yours?”

“Caden. It’s my mum’s maiden name.”

By now, I had stretched out so that my head is in James’s lap and the rest of me is lying on the couch. In the past twenty minutes or so, James and I had reached an unspoken agreement that allowed touch without feeling any awkwardness. Every now and then, I would brush his hair away if it fell into his face and his fingers traced patterns up and down my arms, sending waves of tingles down my spine.

“Lily, what’s your biggest fear?” asked James. He stopped moving his hands and my eyes flew up to meet his.

“To forget my mother,” I whispered after some slight hesitation. I sat up and tucked my legs under me and began to comb my fingers through my hair. “I know that I sound like I haven’t moved on and everything, but the very idea of forgetting about someone who gave birth to me, raised me when she didn’t have to and just… made me, it’s… it’s just something that I really fear. My mum defined who I am as a person, you know? She taught me the morals and principles that I hold true to today, she taught me what it’s like to feel loved and she made me realize that there’s always going to be someone that I can turn to. Forgetting Mum would be like,” I searched for something that I could compare this feeling with. There is virtually no word or phrase that can completely explain how I feel. “I don’t know… I think that forgetting Mum would be like forgetting me.”

James started shaking his head. “I just can’t imagine what it would be like to lose one of my parents. It’s just something that I never really think about… I’m really sorry that you had to go through all of this, Lily. I really am.”

I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. “It’s okay. There’s no use crying over spilt milk.”

“You know, you always do that when you’re nervous or upset,” said James.

“Do what?”

“Comb your fingers through your hair or fiddle with it.”

“Well, you do the same thing you know,” I said, nodding at him.

“Do what?”

“Comb your fingers through your hair.”

“Oh,” said James. “But that’s because my hair looks better when it’s really messy. Otherwise it just looks stupid because it won’t ever lie flat,” he said, grinning.

“Well, I think that it looks stupid either way,” I said. I reached up and ruffled his hair with both hands. “There you are.”

James wrinkled his nose and I laughed at the stupid expression on his face.

“Did you really have to do that? I think that it was messily fine the way it was,” he said, frowning and patting his head.

“You still remain an enigma to me, James Potter,” I said, settling back against the couch.

James leaned back and rubbed his eyes as he sighed deeply. “I’m as readable to you as you are to me.”

I looked at James quizzically, but it seemed as though he wanted it to be left at that. In the past two hours, James and I reached something similar to an agreement or a truce, or a combination of the two. I feel like we won’t have those major blowouts like we used to back in 4^th year. No, we’ve come a long way from then and I think that we’ve matured enough to not have to stoop low and resort to petty name-calling. The only problem is that if we ever get into another fight, the proportions will be large and the stakes high, and that worries me.

No matter. As far as I can tell, that won’t trouble us any time soon. I glanced back at James who was fiddling with whatever it was that he had put in his pocket while quietly humming to himself. James, this boy who I’ve known for five and a half years now, who I’ve lived with and worked with, will always remain a mystery to me. I feel like the key to his personality is just within my grasp, but there’s something that I have to do, or something that we have to do to get there. I can sense it. Once that certain thing happens, James Potter will have an entirely new personality. It’s like how the lyrics to a song make so much more sense when it’s put together with the music—you know it one way, but then when you put it all together, it means something completely different.

“Lily, why are you staring at me?” asked James, his voice deep and tired.

I blinked, not realizing what I had been doing. “Sorry, I’m just really tired. Kind of zoned out a bit there.”

“Well, it is almost 4 o’ clock in the morning,” said James.

My stomach dropped. “What? How long have we been down here? I’m going to pass out tomorrow! Fuck.”

James shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe 3 hours? And don’t worry about not getting enough sleep. We have Flitwick first thing tomorrow and I’m sure that you’re ahead enough to not have to worry about falling behind.”

“Well, I’m going to go to bed anyway. I’m just way too tired,” I said, getting up and yawning.

James reached out and pulled me back down. “Just wait a little bit with me. Please? At least until the fire dies out. Look, it’s going to happen any minute now,” he said, pointing.

“Okay, fine,” I said. I tucked my legs under my body and leaned against James.

James wrapped his arm around me and kissed my head and we watched the fire go out together on the couch.

…..
Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let’s go back to the start
…..

Disclaimer: Erm. Nothing really. You know the drill. Don’t own any of the canon characters, yadda yadda yadda.

Chapter Six: La Première Fête
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ by Guns n’ Roses)

I dropped my head onto my elbows and groaned. “Remus, I can’t do this any more. I really can’t.”

“Come on, you don’t have much left to copy. And really, I could’ve just done a duplicating charm, but you insisted on recopying it yourself,” he said, gently shaking my shoulder.

I sighed and sat up properly, rubbing my eyes and barely suppressing a yawn. “I’m sorry, I’m just so tired. I didn’t end up going to bed until like way past 4.” I shook my head. Luckily I had woken up before anyone would have been in the common room. What would it have looked like if they found me and James sleeping together on the couch, arms and legs tangled? Oh god, I shudder at the thought of what Kate and Georgie would have said…

“Just out of curiosity, why were you up so late?” asked Remus, scribbling something down on an essay of his.

I stared at his notes from yesterday’s Transfiguration class and blinked to bring the words into focus. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t sleep for some reason. I ended up going down to the common room and I actually fell asleep there.”

“That’s funny…” mumbled Remus to himself.

“What’s that?”

“James said that he fell asleep in the common room too,” said Remus. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Oh,” I said lamely. I looked down and avoided his eyes, knowing that he knows that I know that he knows about what happened last night.

“Lily, Professor McGonagall wants to talk to you,” said Natalie, a Hufflepuff in our year.

I exhaled, completely relieved that I didn’t have to answer Remus’s unvoiced question. “Thanks, Nat. Remus, can I just take these with me? I’ll give them back to you later,” I said, holding up the sheets of parchment.

He leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back two legs. “Sure, go ahead, Lily,” he said, eyeing me curiously, his quill in between his teeth.

“Thanks, love.”

I raised my fist to knock on the door just as it swung open.

“Okay. Thanks for meeting with me on such short notice, Professor. I really appreciate it,” said James, standing with his hand on the doorknob.

“Of course, Mr. Potter. Let me know how everything turns out.”

“Okay, will do. Hey Lil,” he said, smiling at me as I walked into Professor McGonagall’s office.

“Hey,” I breathed. James touched my shoulder and then left me with Professor McGonagall, sitting behind her desk and looking over a bunch of essays. “Sorry I’m late, Professor. I was in the library.”

“That’s quite all right, Miss Evans. Now, you know why we are here this afternoon, yes?” she asked, pushing her square spectacles further up her nose.

I nodded and crossed my legs in a business-like fashion. “I was going over the pamphlets and brochures that you gave me at the end of last year and I’ve decided that I want to go in a different direction from what we talked about before the summer holidays.”

“I see,” said McGonagall, writing something down. “Have you thought of a different career that you would like to pursue?” asked McGonagall, making some notes in my file that she pulled out of her desk.

I nodded again. “While I was reading the stuff that you gave me, I realized that being a magical liaison to the Muggle government isn’t really something that I could really see myself enjoying. I think that the reason why I chose that in the first place is because it’s a career that I’m somewhat familiar with, especially because of my father. So anyway, I was thinking of maybe becoming a part of the Ministry’s Intelligence,” I finished in a rush and looked up at my Head of House to see her reaction.

“You are aware, Miss Evans, of the dangers that you are putting yourself at risk to, should you choose to pursue this?”

I nodded eagerly, completely relieved that she didn’t shoot me down. “I’ve made a list of pro’s and con’s for this and I’m completely willing to accept everything that the job would entail.”

“Well, Lily, you are one of the brightest students that I have ever had the pleasure to teach,” said McGonagall.

I blushed and mumbled a thank you.

“So I think that you will be able to handle Intelligence, even though there are many aspects of it that are quite trying. And as luck would have it, you’re already in all of the NEWT level classes that the Intelligence department requires, so there would be no need for a new schedule or anything of the sort. I’ll give you some more information about this and I want you to come back and see me in two weeks’ time,” said McGonagall, handing me a folder filled with pamphlets about my likely future job.

“Thank you so much, Professor. I was really worried that you were going to tell me that it was too late to change my mind or something, especially since the school year’s already under way,” I said, standing up and throwing my bag over my shoulder.

“Nonsense, Miss Evans. Like I said, you’re one of the brightest students in this institution and you are more than capable of handling yourself,” said McGonagall, offering me a rare smile.

“Well, thanks again,” I said, and left her office.

I turned left and began walking, thinking about the types of things that I’ll have to do should I get accepted into the Ministry’s Intelligence Agency. From research that I’ve done on my own, I’m going to have to go on dangerous missions to retrieve valuable intel, which is most likely going to be the basis for some major Auror operations. I got a tingle in my stomach and I began to walk faster, my adrenaline levels rising just at the thought of the MIA.

Just when I reached the portrait of Wendolyn the Weird, I realized that I’d gone in the completely wrong direction. Fucking hell. I must be utterly exhausted if I can’t even make my way back to the bloody tower.

I spun on my heel and rammed right into what seemed at the time a solid wall. I blinked, something that I’ve been doing a lot today, and realized that it was just Jared, one of Nate’s friends. I mentally rolled my eyes. Of course slamming into Jared would be like walking into a wall. This guy works out like it’s his job.

“Hey Lily! I was actually looking for you,” he said, smiling warmly.

I smiled back, inwardly shuddering. Jared would have been extremely attractive, had it not been for his horrible teeth. And let me tell you, these teeth are downright atrocious. They’re yellow from improper hygiene and his constant smoking and they’re not straight and I just want to throw a toothbrush at him and run away. “Really? Why’s that?” I asked, continuing on towards the direction of the Tower.

“Well, the 7^th years are having a party tonight and we wanted to invite you. It’s in the South side of the castle, 4^th floor. You won’t be able to miss it. It starts at 9 and ends whenever. Oh and I’ve been told to ask you if you can bring Georgina with you,” said Jared.

“Party,” I repeated, and grinned. “Yeah, definitely. I’ll let Georgie know. See you then.”

“Righto. Later, Lil,” he said, and walked off.

Excellent. I began walking to the Tower a little faster, pumped with newfound energy from a combination of my new prospects as an Intelligence officer and tonight’s party. It’s the first official Hogwarts party of the year and with pretty much only 7^th years invited, it’s not going to be some lame common room party. Not to say that the Gryffindor parties are lame, because they’re definitely not, but… Let’s just say that you need to tone down some in the presence of the younger children.

I glanced at my watch. Okay, so I’ve already finished all of my homework and we don’t have any more classes today, so I’m pretty much free to do whatever. If I go and have dinner now, then I’ll be able to sleep for three hours before the party and then I won’t be so tired. And then tomorrow I don’t have class until 9, so I can sleep in…

“Boiled cabbages,” I said to the Fat Lady, and entered the common room looking for Georgie.

“You know, it’s really weird how the two of you are always the only ones who are invited to the 7^th year’s parties,” said Kate.

“What?” I yelled over my wand. I used a spell to make my wand work as a blow dryer and I stood with my hair hanging down in front of me. Frankly, I look like Cousin It, except that you can see my legs.

“She said that it’s weird how the two of us are always the only ones invited to parties,” bellowed Georgie back.

I flipped my hair over my head, stood up straight and continued to blow dry the ends. “Shut up, G,” I said, making a face at her unnecessary volume.

“So Kate, what are you going to do tonight while we’re all gone? Lily and I are going to party like it’s 1999, Grace has detention and Sophie has to write that Potions essay,” said Georgie, putting an earring on.

“Nothing really. Just going to hang out with Seth.”

I ‘turned off’ my wand and began to brush my hair. “Is it weird if I’m jealous of you and your boyfriend if I have one myself?”

“Um, yeah?” said Sophie sarcastically. “And don’t gloat over your ‘taken’ status in front of the single girls, thank you very much. Oh and Lily, you really have to turn the fan on when you shower. My hair pouffed out to oblivion after walking into the bathroom.”

“Sorry,” I said, smiling sheepishly.

“Anyway,” said Kate shrugging, “aren’t you planning on breaking up with Nate soon anyway?”

“You know, I’m not really sure. I think that I’ll see how it goes in the next week, but if nothing really happens, then yeah, we’re definitely over. Kinda sad though, because he is hot.”

“Wouldn’t mind a piece of that pie,” muttered Georgie.

“Have a threesome,” said Kate as she turned the page of her magazine.

“Um, ew? Did not need that image… or whatever,” I said. I put on the last touches of mascara and stood up straight. “Alright Georgie. On y va.”

“So where’s this party again?”

“Bloody fuck. Could they have chosen a more fucking random spot?” asked Georgie.

I climbed one more step and then collapsed, panting on the staircase with Georgie plopping down next to me. I shrugged and shook my hair out of my face. “We just have like, two or three more corridors to go. But fuck, I know what you mean. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it there.”

“You know what? I know just what we need,” said Georgie, taking out her wand. She muttered an incantation, sucked on the tip of her wand and closed her eyes. Keeping her eyes closed, Georgie rolled her neck and then passed her wand to me.

I whispered the magic words and sucked on the tip of her wand, immediately being shot with energy. My mind’s eye exploded with color and a tingling feeling began to spread throughout my body, starting at the tips of my toes.

“Okay, let’s go,” said Georgie breathlessly. She got up and then heaved me up with her.

“Gee, mister. You’re strong,” I said, giggling and stumbling after Georgie.

Within what seemed like minutes and swirls of color later, loud obnoxious music reached our ears and even more obnoxious people danced into our line of vision.

“Lily,” someone growled into my ear. I was spun around and immediately felt a body pressed up against mine, grinding to the beat.

“Natie!” I squealed, tilting my head up to find his mouth.

“Let’s get a drink, shall we?” said Nate, leading me away to a table laden with every alcoholic beverage you’d ever dream of.

We made our way through the crowd of about 100 people all jammed into a sparsely lit abandoned classroom, charmed to be soundproof. It’s about 1,000 degrees in here and it’s impossible to move without touching someone.

Nate handed me a plastic cup filled with what looked like Absinthe and took a cup for himself. I pulled my wand out of my pocket and stirred my drink with it before bringing my wand to my lips. I closed my eyes and sucked on it before shaking my head and downing some of my drink.

The combination of the spell and the alcohol was incredible. I felt as light as a feather, happy and giddy and excited about anything and everything. Everything has a halo of color surrounding it, Billy Idol wasn’t so obnoxiously loud and most importantly, I felt free. I was free from the worries of a Prefect, free from the worries of a 6^th year choosing what she wanted to do for the rest of her life, free from the insecurities of a 16 year old girl and free from the perfect preppy straight laced image that I have to uphold.

“You okay, Lily?” yelled Nate into my ear.

I nodded and reached up to pull his face down to mine. I can never get enough of his kisses. When he touches me, I feel an explosion erupting from his fingertips. His very presence sends tingles up and down my spine. No, I can’t break up with him. Nate’s just too good to be true.

We broke apart and I’m pretty sure I had stars in my eyes.

“You’re incredible, Lil. I don’t want you to ever forget that,” said Nate, his forehead pressed against mine.

I smiled and kissed him on the lips as a slow song came on. “I don’t want you to leave this year,” I said and buried my face in his neck, pulling him closer to me as if it would keep him from graduating in June.

“Oh, love. I promise I’ll visit you as often as I can. And then after you graduate, you can move in with me. My parents told me that they’re going to get me a flat as my graduation gift and so far I don’t have a roommate.”

My stomach dropped. I lifted my head off of his chest and looked straight up into his eyes, green and deep and full of hope. I stared at him. I stared and I stared and I stared. This boy, this perfect boy wants me to move in with him in after we’ve both graduated from school. He wants to continue a relationship with me even though there will definitely be tons of girls throwing themselves at him during our year apart. “That sounds fantastic,” I said breathlessly.

Someone tapped Nate on the shoulder and we stepped apart from each other as much as we could in the tiny space to see who came to talk.

James.

I took my wand out of my pocket and sucked on it and closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he still stood there. His hair looked windblown and he wore jeans and a light blue button down, carelessly unbuttoned at the top and sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“May I cut in?” he asked Nate.

“Potter! Uh, yeah. Sure, why not?” said Nate, rather uncomfortably. I noticed that he had a rather large… bulge in his pants. “Find me after,” said Nate, after kissing me.

I nodded and sucked at the tip of my wand again and looked at James, waiting for him to do or say anything. He didn’t.

“What are you doing here? I thought only 7^th years were invited,” I said, swaying slightly in my shoes. Contrary to what I felt an hour ago, the volume of the room escalated exponentially and the halos of color became splashes of neon green and yellow.

“I was about to ask the same thing,” said James, raising an eyebrow. He stepped closer to me and put his hands around my waist.

I looked straight into his eyes and began to move my hips to the tribal music that had been playing and dared him to keep up. If there’s one thing that I pride myself with apart from my academic abilities, it’s that I can dance. I can dance all night long and not get tired. It’s something that I’ve been doing since I was like 3 years old. Always dancing.

James held my gaze and followed my movements, but quickly establishing his dominance. The halos began to swell and merge as we moved as one and the beating of the drums and my heart pounded in my ears. I shut my eyes and just concentrated on the movements of the person clutching my hips.

I tore myself away from James’s grasp gasping and immediately the intense pounding died down in my ears. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bear to hold on to James any longer. Some time after the song ended, I was hit with a jolt of electricity that went through my entire body when he pulled me close to him. I pushed him away and stumbled through the crowd, looking for the tall blonde boy with sea green eyes.

I somehow found Nate amongst the throng of people, pounding shots with Jared and some girl who looked vaguely familiar.

“All right, Lily?” asked Jared, noting my presence.

Nate put down his glass and took in my disheveled appearance. “Let’s get you home, hm?” he said, and began to guide me out of the room.

I felt my chest tightening and I clutched his hand as I continuously took in deep breaths, trying to regain my lost air.

Once outside, Nate sat me down on a flight of stairs and held my face in his hands. “How many spells did you take, love?”

I tried to focus my eyes on his, but whenever I blinked, they’d get all clouded over again. I shook my head and looked down. “I don’t know. Maybe 4 or 5?”

“Lily,” said Nate softly, pleadingly. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “And what’d you drink?”

“I’m not quite sure. All I remember is that Absinthe that you got me in the beginning of the party and I think a cup of firewhiskey, but I’m not sure.”

“Do you have your inhaler with you?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t think I’d need it.”

“Lily, you have to slow down or else you’ll kill yourself,” said Nate, standing up and gathering me in his arms, despite my protests. “After all of that, I don’t trust you to be able to walk on your own. Especially in those shoes of yours.”

“What’s wrong with my shoes?” I asked, raising my leg and pulling up my trouser leg to admire my pointy toe, high heel bright green shoes. “I like my shoes,” I said, pouting.

“Your shoes, my darling, will cause you to fall and break your ankle. Now, let’s get you to bed.”

…..
Welcome to the jungle
We take it day by day
If you want it you’re gonna bleed
But it’s the price you pay
…..

A/n: As you may have noticed, there were some drug references earlier and it’s a magical drug that just popped into my mind. You have to understand that they’re 16/17 in the 80’s, so there’s bound to be drug use. Even nowadays there’re drugs in parties, so whatever. No big.

Now, let me explain my time frame. So I’m going by how old Harry is in the books and saying that right now, Harry’s 16 (basing it on book 6), so he was born in 1988. Then Lily was born in 1964 and James in late 1963, so therefore they were 24 when they had Harry. And therefore they’d be 40 if they were still alive. My way of thinking is that since they won’t be going to college or anything, they’ll start ‘real life’ earlier than people normally would, aka starting at 18 instead of like 26. So that’s why they had Harry early. I know that JKR had it so that Harry was born in 1980, but it’s easier clothing- and music-wise if Lily and James’s time was during an era that I’m more familiar with.

Disclaimer: Right now, the only thing that I own is a large cardboard box. With my story’s plot and its original characters in there with me. And the random 10 Euro in my wallet.
Quick author’s note: all of the italicized stuff won’t go upload, so if you want the full effect, visit my livejournal.

Chapter Seven: Blemished Perfection
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Such Great Heights’ by Iron and Wine)

Twirling, spinning, melting, joining. The world spins around me in swirls of vibrant color. Red, green, orange, blue. The music escalates, crescendos and swells into the beating of drums, pounding, pounding, pounding in my ears. The temperature rises and I begin to take notice of the bodies all around me, pressing, grinding, dancing to the beat. Another spell and my world erupts with dizzying patterns, a kaleidoscope of triangles, blues and greens, diamonds and squares.

At the blink of an eye, the delicate world of glass and color shatters and the spell is broken. I am left cold and alone, looking for something, anything, to anchor me and keep me from spinning away into oblivion.

“Lily, what’s a three letter word that accompanies ’lumos’?”

“Nox,” I said, putting my quill in my book and closing it.

“Oh, right,” said Remus, scribbling the answer in the crossword of the Sunday Prophet.

I sighed and closed my eyes, tilting my face up towards the warmth of the sun. The days are getting colder, shorter and darker, approaching the end of one year and the beginning of a new. The gentle breeze flirted with my hair, sending pieces of it flitting over my face despite my earlier efforts of pinning it back to keep it in place. I heard a clicking sound and opened my eyes to find Remus putting his camera down.

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Taking pictures?” I asked rhetorically.

Remus shrugged. “I thought that you looked really pretty just then. Kodak moment, really.” He lay back down and picked up the Prophet, continuing the puzzle. He frowned at a question and then looked up at me, sensing my gaze. “Spoken to James yet since the party?”

“No,” I sighed, lying down with my head on his stomach. “It’s been what, three days since? He’s been avoiding me, I can tell. But for what? The only thing that I did was that I stopped dancing with him. He needs to get over himself.” I also freaked out and flipped a shit in my head, but no one needs to know that…

“Lily, you walked out on him.”

“There was nothing to walk out on! The song ended and I went to go and find my boyfriend! There’s nothing wrong with that at all,” I argued, gesticulating with my hands.

“Well, I still think that you should at least talk to him. He’s really upset,” said Remus, dipping his quill into the inkwell balanced on his chest.

I rolled my eyes. “Not my fault he’s a pansy,” I grumbled and blew some hair out of my face.

“Lily,” said Remus again.

“What? Stop ‘Lily’ing me! And you’re so not a comfy pillow,” I said, poking his stomach, or lack thereof. “You need to fatten yourself up. This board that my head is on is no place for a lady.”

Remus rubbed the spot where I had jabbed him with my finger, laughing and causing my head to rise up and down. “I like the way I am, thank you very much.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, broken only now and then with the scratching of Remus’s quill. Uncommonly bright and sunny for an October day, Remus and I decided to venture outside and take advantage of the glorious sun. Remus brought his crossword, a weekly routine of his and I brought my notebook, intending to scribble down some new prose or sketch Remus doing his puzzle.

“Remus?”

“Hm?”

“Why are you so perfect?” I asked, altering my position so that I could get a glimpse of my friend.

Remus laughed softly and occupied his hands with my hair. “I’m far from it, love. I can’t even hold something silver without burning my skin, for fuck’s sake. What made you ask anyway? You’re smarter than that.”

I shrugged and closed my eyes. “You just always know exactly what to say and always know exactly how to act. You’re perfect,” I said again, stating it simply.

Remus sighed and I felt him shake his head. “I’ll never be able to understand you Lily. You’re a crazy girl.”

“I’m a romantic,” I said, grinning. I began humming softly to myself and felt a shadow being cast over me, blocking the warmth of the sun.

“Hey Prongs,” said Remus lazily. “And with ‘knotgrass’ my friends, I have finished this week’s crossword in exactly 27 minutes. Not bad. Not bad at all.”

“Lily, can I talk to you for a second?” asked James.

I opened one eye and saw him looking at me with something hidden in his eyes. “Yeah sure,” I said, getting up. “I’ll see you later,” I said and patted Remus’s stomach.

I got up to my feet and followed James, who began walking towards the lake. We walked for several minutes in absolute and utter silence and I began to wonder if James was doing this because he thinks that I need more exercise.

I saw James open his mouth and take a breath several times out of my peripheral, but he still didn’t say anything.

“Cat’s got your tongue, Potter?” I asked rather harshly.

“I- er… No,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Sorry, that was really bitchy of me.”

James released a forced laugh and began to fuss with his hair. “Yeah, it was.”

I bit my lip and we continued walking in silence, much to my chagrin.

James suddenly laughed a deep, loud laugh and I looked up at him questioningly.

“You know, Lily. This would be so much easier if you weren’t so damn sexy,” said James, a gentle smile on his face.

“Excuse me?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“You heard me. You’re too god damn sexy for your own good. If it weren’t for that, we never would’ve danced the way we did that night and it wouldn’t be so hard for me to come up and talk to you,” said James, bringing his hand down from his hair and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Oh, well excuse me,” I said sarcastically. “But look who’s talking, Mr. Quidditch Captain and Sex God Extraordinaire. You’re not exactly the easiest person to talk to yourself.”

James smirked. “‘Sex God Extraordinaire,’ huh? Glad that you think so highly of my abilities, my dear. I mean, I must be that good if you’ve never even experienced it.”

“You know, I should be slightly offended by that, but I actually think that it wouldn’t be too bad,” I said, shaking my head and smiling. “Anyway, my so called ‘sexiness’ has never been an issue for you. Why start now?” I asked, as we began to take the beaten path to the Quidditch pitch.

“Because… because it was never really a problem before.”

“And it is now?”

“Well, let’s just say that I always thought of you as a pretty girl. But now, all of a sudden, you’re this incredibly sexy, confident woman and you…” trailed off James, his hand once again in his hair.

I looked down at my clothes and wondered if James is all right in the head. Okay, fine. My boobs grew a little bit over the summer, but they’re still nothing to sneeze at. Oh, and my hipbones don’t jut out as much as they used to. But what’s this load of crap about me becoming confident and womanly? “And…” I prompted James.

He let out a laugh and collapsed into one of the folding chairs. “You intimidate me, Lily. You fucking intimidate every single fiber of my being.” James looked at me and his eyes immediately took over every fleeting thought that passed through my mind. His wonderful, incredible eyes dominated me. I got lost in this sea of the most unique golden brown that I’ve ever seen, dusted with specks of blue and green. My stomach fluttered.

I blinked and looked at his nose. “Okay, hold on. Am I missing something? Is this really coming from one of the most confident and arrogant people in this school?”

James leaned back and draped his arms over the back of the chairs on either side of him. “Yeah, it is. And arrogant? Don’t you think that that’s pushing it? If you had said conceited, fine, I can see where that would be coming from, but not arrogant. Which reminds me—can you clarify a little something for me, Lil? Last year left something of a bad taste in my mouth.”

I nodded and propped my feet up on the chair in front of me. “Yeah, go for it.”

James cleared his throat uncomfortably and his hand found its way into his hair again. “Last year you, uh, called me a, and I quote, ‘an arrogant, bullying toerag,’ and you said… you said that I make you sick. Is that-? Are you-?”

I laughed and patted his knee. “James, you’re just too cute. Do you honestly think that I meant every single word?” I asked, scooting a little closer to him and resting my elbows on my knees.

James looked down and rubbed the back of his neck, blushing. “Erm. Maybe?”

I smiled and giggled a little bit. “Okay James, look. Come on, look at me,” I moved towards the front of my chair and lifted James’s chin to look me in the eye, his cheeks still pink.

“Last year, you were incredibly arrogant. You basically thought that you were the shit. Okay wait, you still think that you are, but…”

“Just keep twisting the knife, Evans.”

“Right. Sorry. Anyway, last year, we had just come out of our first O.W.L., I was so stressed out that you wouldn’t even imagine and you decided to completely humiliate Snape in front of the entire ruddy school. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no huge fan of his, but just put yourself in his position. How would you feel?”

James snorted. “I’d wash my hair and stop locking myself in my room with my wand and a bunch of Dark Magic books. I’d also grow a pair,” he mused after a little while.

“James,” I said pleadingly and rolled my eyes. “Come on. But anyway, the fact that you decided to pick on Snape for no reason whatsoever ticked me off. It also wasn’t really the best of days for girl reasons, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, Lily! Gross! I did NOT need to know that,” said James, shutting his eyes and digging the heels of his hands into them.

I laughed. “Hey, you asked for it. But anyway, to make the long story short, no. I don’t still think of you as an ‘arrogant, bullying toerag.’ Yes, I still think that you’re arrogant, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s a part of you and there’s nothing that I can do to change that. Anyway, I need to go and meet the girls. Ciao darling,” I said, and kissed his cheek.

“Hey Lil!” shouted James, just as I was about to exit the pitch.

“Yeah?” I said, turning around.

“Thanks.”

“No problem,” I said, smiling.

“Happy birthday, Kavs!” I squealed, hugging her and giving her a kiss. “Sorry that I’m late,” I said. I took a cracker and some bits of cheese off of the plate in the middle.

My roommates and Seth sat on a blanket set up under a chestnut tree by the lake, celebrating my best friend’s birthday.

“Hey there! What’ve you been up to?” I asked as I sat down next to Seth, gave him a side hug and stuffed the cracker into my mouth.

“Nothing really, although I do believe that this girl is in need of seventeen birthday spankings. What about you?” asked Seth, his eyes glittering.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “Just the usual. Seducing boys, getting good grades, dancing on tables. You know the drill.”

“And here I thought you were the quiet one of the group,” said Seth laughing.

“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” said Grace, shooting me a glare, to which I responded by raising my goblet, “I was in the Library when I heard a moan and sounds that definitely aren’t made when studying, if you know what I mean.”

The girls and I instantly sat up while Seth just snaked his arm around Kate’s waist.

“Who was it?” whispered Georgie.

“Oh my god, you’ll never believe it. You will never believe it,” said Grace, practically glowing from this gossip.

“Just spit it out, you cow!” said Kate.

“It was Professor Vector snogging Diggory!”

“Shut up!” shrieked Georgie, smacking Grace on the arm.

“Amos Diggory from Hufflepuff? Oh that is rich,” said Sophie.

“And down right kinky. In the Library? Jesus,” I said, letting out a whistle.

“Isn’t that unbelievable? I told you that it was worth it,” said Grace smugly.

“When the fuck was this?” demanded Georgie.

“Just like half an hour ago.”

“Shut up!” said Georgie, smacking her again.

“G, stop abusing her, you dumbass,” said Kate.

“Oh my god, stop it. Do you think they’re still there? I want to go see!” whined Sophie.

“Well girls, as fun as it is to hear you guys just go ‘stop it’ and ‘shut up,’ I have a Defense essay to complete,” said Seth. He leaned over and kissed Kate.

“Oooooh,” chorused Sophie and I, with Grace whistling and Georgie yelling ‘get a room!’

It was silent as we all watched Seth get up and make his way to the castle, the whole scandal already forgotten.

“So,” said Sophie, breaking the silence. “How is it?”

Four heads turned to look at her.

“What do you mean?” asked Kate.

“How is he,” I said, instantly cottoning on.

“He’s fine. You just saw him, you twat,” said Kate, but turning pink.

“You know what we mean, smartass,” said Georgie. “There’s no use hiding it, we know that you’ve done it already.”

“Okay fine,” said Kate, blushing even more. We all moved in to make a closer circle. “It’s… It’s great. It’s everything that it’s ever been rumored to be. And Seth is, well… you know.”

I grinned. “No Katie, we don’t know. Enlighten us,” I said, knowing full well what she meant.

Kate groaned. “Well endowed,” she whispered, her face now bright red.

Georgie let out a whoop and started cackling evilly.

“Am I interrupting something?” asked a male voice.

We all jumped and looked at James, leaning against a tree. And since he was standing, I had to look up from where I fell over on the ground in surprise and my eyes had to pass a certain… part of him first. All I can say is, God bless shorts and tall boys.

“No!” said Kate fiercely.

“Okay,” said James, smirking. “I just came to collect Georgie. Be at the pitch in 5 minutes, or else be prepared to do laps, Vance. On foot.” He turned and left and I lay transfixed, staring at the spot that he just left unoccupied.

Georgie cleared her throat. “Right, well. Best be off then. I’ll catch up with you girls later. And I want details.”

I pushed the door open and was relieved to find the courtyard empty. I picked my way over stone benches and plopped down into an old and dilapidated wooden lawn chair, reaching into my pocket.

“Nate, can I talk to you for a second?” I asked, approaching him in his common room.

“Yeah, sure,” said Nate, leading me outside. “What’s up?”

“Right.” I cleared my throat. “Right. So… We haven’t seen each other in two weeks. At all. Not in between classes or even at meals. We’ve both been busy with work and other stuff and I understand that.”

I looked up at Nate and took in his somewhat defeated stance, leaning against the wall with his head bowed.

I took out my lighter and lit the bowl, inhaling and savoring the sweet taste.

“Anyway, I think that… I think that we should stop seeing each other. Or at least take a break until things die down and we have more time for each other.”

Nate nodded and opened his eyes. I was so incredibly relieved to see that he wasn’t angry or hurt. “Lil, I totally agree with you. But I want you to know that I’m always here and my door’s always open if you, you know, want to get back together.”

“Right,” I said, nodding vigorously. “The same for me. And I really don’t want things to be awkward between us.”

“Yes, of course,” said Nate. He stood up properly and wrapped me in his arms.

“I love you,” I whispered against his chest.

“Me too, Lily. I’ll always love you,” said Nate.

We kissed one last, heart-wrenching kiss and he turned and went back into the Ravenclaw common room.

I lit up again several times, inhaling a lungful each time. One by one, the day’s stress slowly fell away into a dark recess in my mind.

The potions test was uncommonly hard and I doubt I’ll even manage an A. I couldn’t concentrate at all during the Charms in-class writing and I nearly botched my practical Transfiguration test.

Not to mention Nate. I closed my eyes and inhaled again. I thought that breaking up with Nate wouldn’t do anything to me. Nate will always be the first person who took my breath away and made me weak in the knees, but as we saw each other less and less, the flame died down and he wasn’t the most important thing in my life anymore. But now that we’re officially… broken up, I feel as though a large chunk of me suddenly evaporated. Last year, Nate was the reason why I looked forward to waking up in the morning. I always knew that no matter how shitty my day was, sometime later we’d end up in an empty classroom or a broom cupboard snogging and having a good time. But now… all of that’s gone. And despite the fact that I was the one who broke up with him, I’m the one feeling abandoned and lost.

I slumped against the back of my chair. Of course. How could I have been so stupid? Did I really fancy myself to be in love? I’ve seen what true love is like. It’s not all about breathtaking actions and outstandingly romantic moments. It’s about complete trust and getting through hard times together. It’s about believing in the connection between you and that other person, believing in it so much that you would go through any lengths to preserve and uphold it. True love is about having your heart ache when you’re not with that person. It’s about worrying all the time about his safety, his well-being, the well-being of his family and everything and everyone that he loves. Because you know that if they’re important enough to be so closely affiliated with him, then they’re worth knowing and loving too.

I didn’t have any of that with Nate. We didn’t have complete trust. We’ve never met each other’s families. Fuck, we didn’t even try to make things work. We didn’t even contact each other over the summer. What kind of ‘true love’ pish posh is that?

I took another hit and stared blankly out the window, forcing myself to forget all thought and feeling and just be for the moment.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know that someone was here. I’ll just be on my way out then.”

I jumped and turned around to see someone backing out the door. I squinted. “Sirius? No, no, come in. It’s a public place, is it not? Besides, I can use the company.”

Sirius turned around and my heart clenched when I looked up at his face. No girl can resist that feeling when you look at Sirius Black. His dark, dark brown hair fell into dark, dark blue eyes ever so elegantly. His strong jaw line made so many girls go weak in the knees, his Roman nose giving him an air of majesty and power. And let’s not forget his lips. I can’t say that I’ve never wondered what it would feel like to have those perfect lips brush my own, without lying.

“Are you sure?” asked Sirius hesitantly, his hand still resting on the doorknob.

I nodded and reached out to his free hand and pulled him to the chair next to mine.

Sirius shrugged and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and an ashtray from his pocket. “Want one?” he asked, holding out the pack to me.

I shook my head. “No thanks, I’m good,” I said, holding up my bowl. “But don’t tell Kate. She’ll flip when she finds out that I haven’t quit like I told her.”

Sirius nodded and blew out a stream of smoke. He leaned his head against the slope of the chair and closed his eyes.

I swallowed and looked down at my hands, fidgeting with my lighter.

“So Lily,” said Sirius lazily.

My head shot up and I immediately blushed. What the hell am I doing acting like a lovesick school girl? It’s disgusting. “Yeah?” I said nonchalantly. Much better.

“How are you? We’ve never really spoken properly before, have we?”

I shook my head. “Can’t say that we have.” I took another hit and let its effects flood me as I leaned back against the chair, following Sirius’s lead.

“Can you keep a secret?” asked Sirius.

“Depends on what it is.”

“What if I told you that I’ve been harboring feelings for you since second year?” asked Sirius, his blue eyes trained on my own.

I started coughing on the smoke that I had just inhaled and looked at him. “Are you high?”

Sirius smirked. “No. But you are.”

“Touché.”

“But really, what would you say?” asked Sirius earnestly, leaning forward in his chair.

“I’d ask you if you were dropped as a baby, if your best friend knows, and if you’re joking.”

“Well, yes, I was dropped as a child,” said Sirius darkly, “my best friend wouldn’t know, and I am joking.”

I smirked. “You were dropped as a child? That explains a lot of things.”

“No it doesn’t. My magic protected me and I landed on my feet,” said Sirius, blowing a smoke circle at my face.

“Well aren’t you just special?”

“No, I’m disowned.”

I blinked. “What?”

Sirius shrugged. “I ran away from home this summer. My mother didn’t even care to send out a search party and my father just owled me the rest of my belongings. Then they disowned me.”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, completely shocked. James wasn’t kidding when he said that Sirius had some issues at home. All of a sudden, the golden image I had of Sirius dimmed slightly. He slipped off of his marble pedestal and now he’s no longer this perfect, otherworldly deity who needs to be worshipped or have virgin maidens sacrificed for. I smiled inwardly. Now I can relate to him.

Sirius shrugged. “You seem like a cool chick. And Prongs wasn’t kidding when he said that there’s more to you than you let on. And another thing. What’s with the bowl? Why would you need it?”

“Because I’m human too. I almost failed the Potions test, I botched Charms and Transfiguration, and I just broke up with my boyfriend. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, though. I haven’t even told Kate.”

“You seem to hide a lot of things from your best friend.”

“I-” I started, but then closed my mouth and frowned. “You’re right. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Sirius shrugged. “You’re growing up and realizing that you don’t need to tell her everything.”

“But you tell James everything,” I argued.

“Nuh uh. Not true,” said Sirius.

I raised my eyebrows, surprised, but didn’t say anything.

“Anyway, we should go. It’s almost dinner and our friends are bound to be looking for us,” said Sirius, getting up. He dropped his cigarette into the ashtray and it swallowed it. He held out a hand to me, which I took after blowing on the weed to put it out.

As we walked out of the abandoned courtyard together, I realized that I’ve told this virtual stranger things that someone who I’ve known personally for 5 and a half years doesn’t know about me, and I’m perfectly okay with that. I decided right then and there that I like Sirius. He puts me at ease, he’s under no pretense and he’s just so not what I expected him to be (a total pompous asshole), which just makes things so much better.

Sirius Black isn’t as perfect as he’s made out to be, but neither am I. Guess that that’s just one of the things that we have in common. That, and a newfound friendship and confidence.

…
They will see us waving from such great heights
“Come down now,” they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
“Come down now,” but we’ll stay
…

Disclaimer: Nothing’s changed, so nothing’s mine ‘cept for the plot and my characters. Kay.

Chapter Eight: Hogsmeade and The Letter
(Chapter’s song: ‘Amie’ by Damien Rice)

“You guys are the weirdest people that I’ve ever met,” said Kate.

Remus shrugged. “We get into the weirdest scenarios possible… I’m starting to think that Sirius has been paying people to do these things to us.”

Textbooks, parchments and quills lay forgotten on the coffee table in front of us. Kate, Remus and myself have long since lost the momentum to finish our homework before the weekend began, so we decided to get ready for bed and then come back down to talk.

“You guys are inbloodysane,” said Kate, curling up into a tighter ball.

“Seriously Kate. I can make a potion for you really quickly. It’ll hardly take any thought,” I said sympathetically.

“No it’s okay. Just let me wallow in my misery,” said Kate. She lay curled up in a ball on the couch with the hood of her sweatshirt up over her head and drawn tight, only showing her face and obscuring her hair.

“What’s wrong with her?” asked Remus, getting up to prod the fire.

“Just the worst cramps known to mankind,” wailed Kate.

Remus slipped and the log that he was holding in between the fire tongs fell. The part of the rug near the fireplace promptly caught fire.

“Fucking hell Kate! Was that absolutely necessary?” said Remus, jumping out of the way of the flames and extinguishing it with his wand. “What the hell is wrong with the two of you?” he asked.

The entire situation in front of us was just too much to handle. I mean, come on. My best friend just announced to the entire population of bloody Scotland that she has her period and is suffering from world-dominating cramps and one of our male friends freaked out, dropped a log and set the place on fire. It’s enough to drive anyone to hysterical laughter. Especially when you’re bored and delirious with exhaustion.

“You…rug…FIRE! HAHAHA!” giggled Kate, her entire body shaking with laughter. With a loud thud, she rolled off of the couch, bringing several throw pillows and a lamp crashing down with her.

“Kate!” I shrieked, laughing harder and peaking out from the hole of my throw rug-turned-shawl. I fell over and clutched my sides, aching from the absurdity of this entire ordeal.

My laughter slowly died down and I felt a cool, soothing sensation overcoming my senses, allowing me to sit up properly and remove my throw rug-turned-shawl.

I took a deep shuddering breath and looked at Remus. “What’d you do to us?”

“I placed a sedative charm on the both of you. Now, if you’re quite done, I’d like to get back to normal conversation,” huffed Remus, sitting back in his armchair.

Kate nodded vigorously, her blonde ponytail bobbing up and down as she tucked her legs under her. We didn’t dare to make eye contact, otherwise we’d both end up tied to spits and roasting over the common room fire.

“Tell us another story,” I said eagerly, settling myself back into the couch.

Remus brought his hand over his eyes and sighed. “Alright, fine,” he said. He breathed in and then sat up straighter.

“So we were all at the Potters’ house the summer after first year. James’s dad was at work and his mum was somewhere in the house tending to one matter or another. James decided that it would be a good idea to go into his father’s study and to look for things that could potentially tell us about all of the secret passageways at Hogwarts. Now, at that time, Peter, Sirius and myself, well, pretty much just Peter and I, were pretty intimidated by Morgan-”

“Who?” I asked.

“James’s dad.”

“Ah. Carry on.”

“Right. So the three of us waited in Prongs’s room while he searched the office. The next thing that we knew, James sprinted into his room stark naked and began to tackle Sirius.”

Kate spit out the hot chocolate that she had just sipped. “I beg your pardon?”

“James, as naked as God made him, ran into the room and started tackling Sirius. Then he turned and went to the bed where I was and began jumping up and down. I swear to you, it was all a haze of jiggling parts and things flapping in the breeze….” broke off Remus, a look of nausea and disgust on his face suggesting the affect on his psyche of the painful images caused by this particular recollection.

“What happened to him?” asked Kate from the floor, from where she had fallen once again. I didn’t bother to repair the lamp. I knew that it’d end up broken again anyway.

Remus shrugged. “Apparently one of the books released some powder or something in James’s face when he opened it and he had an allergic reaction. Hence the streaking… and jiggling. Oh bloody hell. I don’t know why I told you that story. I had to fucking relive it in my head.” Remus shuddered.

A creaking over by the corner alerted us to someone entering the common room.

“I swear to god, if I have to see my name on one more trophy that needs polishing, I’ll just resign from Quidditch to save myself the time,” said James, stomping into the common room. He headed over to where I sat and promptly plopped down onto the couch.

“James, are you alright?” I asked, fighting to keep a straight face.

“Er… yes. Why?” said James, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes.

“Because it seems to me that you had an allergic reaction,” I said.

Kate snorted and we caught each other’s eye and jumped up. We began to shake our butts and then jump on the couch, chanting ‘NAKED RUN! NAKED RUN!’

“Oh sweet Jesus,” moaned Remus, dropping his head into his hands.

“SHUT UP!” roared James, red in the face. He pelted pillows at Kate and I and the impact of them caused us to crash into each other and fall off the couch.

“Ow…” I said. I wasn’t as lucky as Kate who landed on the ricocheted pillows and instead I landed on the coffee table on top of our books and quills.

All of a sudden, I saw three faces hovering over me.

“Good job, you fucking idiot,” said Kate, smacking James over the head.

“Oh my god, Lily I am so so sorry. I didn’t think that you’d fall off the couch,” said James, his face white.

“I don’t think I can move,” I said in a tiny voice.

“Okay, Lil. This is what we’re going to do. On the count of three, I’m going to lift you up and then put you on the couch. Then we’ll roll you over so that you’re face down and I’ll take a look at your back. Is that okay?” asked Remus.

“Uh huh,” I said, blinking dazedly at him.

“Okay. One. Two. Three,” said Remus, picking me up like a rag doll. I took a second to appreciate how comfortable I was in Remus’s arms and how easily he picked me up. “Okay, now I’m going to flip you over. Alright, let’s take a look,” said Remus, once I was on my stomach. He lifted up my shirt and began to run his hands down my back.

I shivered. “Whoa there. What are you doing, Happy Hands?” I asked, but my eyes were involuntarily closing.

“I’m checking to see if you’ve broken anything,” said Remus. “Do you moisturize?” he asked offhandedly.

I nodded.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Remus stopped.

“Well?” asked James, with a little too much aggression.

Remus ignored it. “Nothing’s broken or misplaced. I felt some swelling down by the lower back, but with ice and a salve it won’t be a problem tomorrow.”

He Summoned something and began to rub it into my back and the pain immediately began to ebb away to a dull throbbing. I sat up and he handed me an icepack to put on my back.

“Thanks, love,” I whispered softly and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Remus nodded. “Anytime.”

“Well,” I said, turning to Kate and James. “I’m going to go to bed now. Have a long day of shopping ahead of me. Cheers.”

Kate followed me, but not before shooting a suspicious look at me and Remus. As we turned at the division between the boys’ and girls’ dormitories, I heard James’s low voice and paused.

“Moony. We have to talk. Now.”

“Oh, I’m so excited! Second Hogsmeade weekend!” said Sophie happily, bouncing up and down.

“But I have to do all of my shopping. Oy. Okay, wait let me just run through this quickly before we all run off and meet boys. So Sophie, you’re going to Switzerland over holidays, Grace, you’re going to Russia, Kate’s staying in England, and Georgie’s going to Indonesia. Am I right?” I asked.

Grace shook her head. “Change of plans. Mum says we’re going to Ecuador instead. Hell, I don’t care how much I was looking forward to Russia. It’s too bloody cold out there.”

“Okay. Alright then. Now I know what to buy for everyone,” I said, nodding my head.

In a matter of about a minute, all of my friends left me alone in the Entrance Hall, all going to their respective dates or boyfriends.

“Hey Lily.”

I spun around and saw James standing in front of me, looking sheepish. I looked over his shoulder and saw Remus, Sirius and Peter standing together, Sirius talking to Remus, who had a sour look hardening his features.

“Hi,” I said coolly and crossed my arms.

James ruffled the back of his hair and I tried to not wince. “Listen, I’m really sorry about last night. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

I shrugged. “That’s fine. Accidents happen,” I said, a little more softly. Behind him, James friends were staring at us with hopeful looks on their faces. When they realized that I caught them staring at me, they quickly looked away, shoved their hands into their pockets and promptly began to whistle.

“Anyway,” said James a little nervously.

I raised an eyebrow. He isn’t… Oh god. No. He better not do it…

“I was wondering if you’d like to go to Hogsmeade with me,” said James quickly, looking anywhere but at me.

I closed my eyes briefly. Damn it. “James,” I said softly. His head shot up and he looked at me with the most hopeful look in his eyes, but it was gone in a flash. “I’m really sorry. I really am. But… I’m already going with someone.”

“Oh,” said James. I felt horrible. I felt like I’d just kicked a puppy. “Oh,” said James again. “Who are you going with, then?”

I waved my hand, dismissing the query. “That doesn’t matter. But I’ll find you around three and we’ll have a butterbeer-”

“Hey Lil. Are you ready? Oh, hey Potter,” said Nate, coming and wrapping his arm around my waist.

Shit. Shit! Oh God, I feel so horrible.

“Ford,” said James, nodding his head stiffly in acknowledgment. He looked at me with something like… betrayal in his eyes? What the fuck… “I’ll see you later, Lily,” he said softly and began to walk back to his friends, who didn’t bother to hide their looks of disgust.

“James! Three o’ clock. I’ll be there, I promise,” I called after his back.

“What was that about?” asked Nate, as he guided me out the doors and to the carriages.

I turned around and saw the silhouettes of the Marauders, still in the castle. James was shaking his head and Peter patted him on the back. “Nothing,” I said, my heart sinking. “Just a-a Potions project that we have to do,” I lied.

“Ah, yes. The infamous McDougal projects. Good luck with those, love,” said Nate, shaking his head as our carriage rumbled down the road.

When we got to Hogsmeade, the wind had picked up and the temperature dropped enough to make a noticeable difference. I popped the collar of my jacket up against the cold and tied my hair back.

“So. Where to first?” asked Nate, looking around.

“Okay, after I buy this present, I’m done,” I said as we waited in the checkout queue.

“But you didn’t buy anything for your friends,” said Nate.

I shook my head. “I always get them Muggle gifts. Kate has a bona fide shoe fetish, Grace and Georgie are both going to warm places and Sophie’s going skiing. I’m going to contact my grandmother and ask her to buy stuff for Grace and Georgie, since they’re leaving the day we get off and I won’t be able to spare Oleander for such a long time.”

“What are you getting them?” asked Nate curiously, as we moved along in the queue.

“Some really nice Muggle stuff. See, when you’re related to a socialite as well connected as my grandmother is, you only have to pay like a third of the actual price of the stuff. So that’s why I can get them expensive presents for their birthdays and things without them feeling guilty for getting such nice gifts. They know that I don’t have to pay regular prices and that it costs me the same amount a suitable magical gift would cost me. So really, no foul no harm, hm?”

When it was my turn, I promptly paid the salesgirl, had her gift wrap it and continued on my merry way outside.

“So where to next?” asked Nate.

I looked at my watch. 2:34. “Well, we’re both done and I don’t have to be anywhere just yet, so you want to just hang out somewhere?”

Nate’s entire face lit up. “Yeah, sure. Come on.”

Nate took my hand and began leading me down High Street, away from the busy road. “Are you warm enough there? That jacket doesn’t look quite toasty enough.”

“No, I’m perfectly fine. I’ve got my hat and scarf and you, and that’s more than I can ask for,” I said, smiling.

Nate grinned and kissed the top of my head. “I’m really glad that you agreed to spend the day with me, Lil. We haven’t really been able to speak since… the last time that we saw each other.”

I nodded and looked down. The last time that we really got to talk was the day that I broke up with him. I closed my eyes at the memory and Nate put his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I really appreciate how we made it so that things aren’t awkward between us. I mean, we’re just here as friends. Yeah. Two friends shopping in Hogsmeade together.

In a couple of minutes, we walked into a quiet little coffee shop that we discovered when we were still together and sat down on the floor in the corner, putting our purchases in a collective bunch on the end of the futon.

“Do you remember when we first found this place?” I asked nostalgically, leaning my head against Nate’s shoulder.

Nate laughed softly. “It was sometime around the end of last year and we had to run away from your crazy friends.”

“And we’ve been coming here ever since,” I said, looking up at him.

Nate looked down and smiled and my stomach fluttered.

The next thing I knew, Nate’s lips were on mine and his coat found its way off of his shoulders.

“Lily, I really miss you,” said Nate hoarsely as I kissed his neck.

“I know, me too,” I said, trailing kisses along his jaw.

“Do you want to get back toge-?” asked Nate.

I nodded and grabbed his lips in a kiss. I opened my eyes briefly and caught a glimpse of the face of my watch. 2:56.

I broke away from Nate and began to bundle up to go back outside. “Shit, I have to go.”

“You have to go? Where?” asked Nate dazedly, reaching out and pulling me back to him. “Why?”

“I promised James that I’d meet him at 3-”

“James? You’re going to meet Potter right now? Can’t it wait or be rescheduled or something?”

I shook my head and stood up. “Love, I really have to go. I’m sorry.”

“Wait. You’re leaving me to go to Potter.”

“I’m sorry. Did I stutter?”

“Lily, you can’t!” said Nate angrily.

“Why the hell not?” I said, anger flaring up inside of me.

“Because you’re going out with me.”

I snorted. “That’s a lame response. James and I are just friends, nothing more than that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m late.”

I ran out of the coffee shop and sprinted all the way to the Three Broomsticks, found an empty booth and slid into it. Thank god James isn’t here yet. I have a feeling that he definitely would’ve killed me if I was late.

A couple of seconds later, Sirius slid into the seat across from me, his cheeks rosy and his eyes light blue and glowing. I’ll never understand his eyes. While they’re always blue, they range from the palest shades to the darkest ones.

“Hey there, little lady,” said Sirius smoothly. “Good day shopping?”

I smiled. “Hey. Yeah, it was good. And you?”

“It was bitchin’,” he said enthusiastically. He looked around and then smiled. “Rosie, can we have two butterbeers, please?” he asked, touching the bartender’s arm.

“Of course, Siri. Just call me if you need anything else.”

I raised an eyebrow. “‘Siri’?”

Sirius shrugged. “I come here a lot. And Peter thinks that she has a crush on me, but really I think that it’s Remus that she fancies.”

“Here you are,” said Madam Rosmerta, coming back.

Sirius watched her click away in her sparkling turquoise heels. “She wouldn’t be a bad catch, I’ll say.”

I rolled my eyes. “Anyway. Is James coming?” I asked, taking a sip of my butterbeer. Aaah. Warm, buttery goodness.

“Ah, yes. Yes, James is indeed coming. He said to go and meet you here and tell you that he’ll be running a little late, as he was stuck in a monstrously long queue. What?” asked Sirius, setting his tankard down.

I giggled. “You have just a bit of a foam mustache going on there. I rather like it.”

Sirius wiped his mouth and raised an eyebrow, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Are you… flirting with me, Miss Evans?”

I leaned forward and dramatically looked to my right then to my left, mock-checking to make sure that no one was watching or listening. “I believe I am, Mr. Black. Got a problem with it?” I replied in a whisper.

Someone cleared his throat to my right and Sirius and I sat back.

“Alright. I’m going to leave you two alone. I see someone who looks like they need talking to,” said Sirius, getting up.

James slid into the recently occupied seat and we both watched Sirius Black saunter over to Georgie, kiss her cheek and sit down across from her. I made a mental note to talk to her about her date and then looked up at James.

His electrifying eyes latched onto mine and without breaking eye contact, he signaled for another butterbeer.

“Here you are, JP. Just the way you like it,” said Madam Rosmerta, popping up a second later.

“Thanks,” said James, still staring at me.

I stubbornly stared back, but mostly out of curiosity. What, does he think that he’s going to pull a Jedi mind trick or something?

“May I ask why we’re having a staring contest? My eyes are starting to sting,” I said, breaking the silence.

James smiled. “I just love looking at your eyes. They’re… mesmerizing,” he said, his own eyes twinkling in an all too attractive way.

“James, I… Nate and I got back together,” I blurted out. My eyes widened. Oh my god. I didn’t mean to say that. I did not mean to say that. I just ruined such a sweet moment. Shit.

James set down his bottle of butterbeer. “Oh. How, er, nice for you,” he said uncertainly, but smiling nonetheless.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. Just thought that you should, er, know,” I said, putting my hand over James’s. WHAT AM I DOING?!

James’s eyes flicked down to our hands and then back to my eyes. He flipped his hand over and then closed his fingers over mine. He shrugged. “That’s fine, whatever.”

His eyes went back to our hands and I looked at them too. My mind flashed back to that moment at the party, when I got this huge shock when James held me close. “Okay, what the hell are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his head shooting up.

“It’s a gorgeous day out and we’re wasting it in this stuffy, overcrowded and way too loud restaurant. Let’s go stretch our legs.” I reached down to grab my packages, but James was too fast. In a second, he gathered all of my stuff and carried it for me.

“Oh,” I said, taken aback. “Thanks,” I grinned.

“No problem,” said James, leading the way out of the Three Broomsticks.

“Well, aren’t you quite the gentleman?” I said as he held the door open for me.

James shrugged. “Just the way I was brought up. My mum’s crazy about manners and etiquette and whatnot.”

I laughed. “She should talk to my grandmum, then. Quite the debutante.”

“You know, I actually think that it’s rather unfair, the way society plays into the hands of women,” said James thoughtfully.

I raised my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

“Well, let’s look at the evidence, shall we? Men open doors for women, women get asked out on dates, men pay for meals and tickets, girls get bought drinks, they get into clubs easier. It’s really a rather extensive list. You have it all,” said James.

“Oh, really? I beg to differ. See, we females have a standard to uphold. We always have to look impeccable, we can’t be too boyish or too girly, we can’t wear bloody trousers to a party. And then what if no one offers to buy a drink for you? Then what?”

“But you get to receive flowers-”

“You don’t get hit on by sketchy guys-”

“You don’t need to make the first move-”

“You can pee in more places-”

“You- what? Ew Lily, that’s gross.”

“It’s true! It’s entirely gross for us girls if we have to pee in a public place that’s absolutely filthy. And if you’re in like the middle of nowhere in France, you have to pee into a fucking hole. A better experience for you.” I smiled cheekily at him.

“Ugh. Anyway, you can wear skirts and pants.”

“You don’t need to worry about the right shoes.”

“I have to bust my ass remembering things like anniversaries, birthdays, food allergies, favorite color, etc.”

“That comes easily to you.”

“Oh yeah. But still-”

“Well, well, well. What have we here? Pompous Potter and his little Mudblood girlfriend,” said a sickeningly sweet voice from behind us.

James and I turned around and were greeted by the sight of Snape, looking ghastly and pallid in the sunlight, creating an image of someone who hasn’t seen the sun in months. I felt James’s entire body tense beside me and I placed a hand on his back to warn him against doing something stupid.

“What do you want, Severus?” I asked coolly.

“You know, it’s a shame that you have such low and filthy parentage. It would have been nice to see what you hide underneath those clothes,” said Snape, his lips curling into a malicious smile.

My insides seethed and I felt my blood boil. “Don’t you dare insult my parents,” I said in a low, threatening voice.

“Oh, that’s right. Didn’t your whore of a mother die? It’s a shame that it hadn’t happened sooner, otherwise we would have been-”

I whipped my wand out and had it at his sallow throat so fast and with so much anger that red sparks flew out the tip, landing on Snape’s neck and leaving little burn marks wherever they made contact with his greasy skin. I brought my face up close to his and narrowed my eyes. “I told you to not talk shit about my parents, you fucking little obnoxious asshole. You should never have seen the light of day. I don’t care how fucking ‘pure’ your ancestry is. I couldn’t give a rat’s fucking ass. If it weren’t illegal and we weren’t still in school, I would rip you apart, piece by piece. I would make you feel your intestines be pulled out of your-”

But I never got to finish what I had to say because James pulled me off of Snape.

Snape straightened out his robes and leered at me. “I bet you don’t have the gall to do that to me. My father could make your life very uncomfortable.”

“Don’t underestimate me,” I said in a dangerous voice and gave him one of my death glares. “And do you think that I honestly care about your high and bloody righteous father?” I snorted.

“As I said. My father could make things difficult for you.”

“What, you can’t do anything on your own? You need to rely on good old Daddy to save your hide?” hissed James, speaking for the first time. His voice dropped to a low, gravelly pitch and his eyes flashed black and gold. His entire body was tensed, on the offensive and ready to attack if he was prompted.

I blushed. I kind of like this James. It’s rather… sexy.

Snape’s eyes flicked to James and once again, his thin lips curled into a smile. “My, my, my. Aren’t you the touchy one, Potter? What, you didn’t get your daily fuck from your faithful boyfriend?”

“Why, what ever are you talking about?” asked James, mock pleasantly. “Where’s your own? He never seems to leave your shadow,” he said, referring to Judas Fontaine.

“James, Lily, come off it. Just let him bugger off,” said Remus quietly, who had just appeared.

Snape’s eye now turned to Remus. “You,” he whispered dangerously.

Remus raised his eyebrows as though he were amused with the situation at hand. “Me.”

“I will find out whatever it is that you are hiding. And trust me when I tell you this, it will be known by all and you will regret it.”

Remus scoffed. “I don’t think that I need you to regret anything.” He turned and began to walk down the street.

James and I looked at each other, and without a moment’s hesitation we followed him.

“Remus, are you sure that it was alright to talk about your secret so openly like that?” I asked, jogging to keep up with him.

“Wait, you know?” asked James, stopping and grabbing my arm.

I nodded. “I found out last year. Remus and I were doing Prefect patrols and we were talking, and I sort of just pieced together patterns that I had noticed, what werewolf detections I knew and Remus’s symptoms at the moment, and I confronted him about it.”

“And you’re okay with it?” asked James.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I am! What do you take me for, you twat? I love Remus,” I said, threading my arm through his.

Remus grinned and shook his head. “Don’t know why she does, though. Crazy wench.”

“Do any of your friends know?” asked James, and we began to walk towards the horseless carriages.

“I know that Kate knows. She figured it out shortly after I did. And I think that Georgie has her suspicions, but we’re not confirming or denying anything that she says. As for Sophie and Grace, I don’t think that you guys are close enough for them to really take it into consideration, but they could definitely figure it out. Needless to say, none of us are narrow-minded enough to be afraid. Maybe a little unnerved at first, but nothing that won’t pass,” I said.

Remus sighed and shook his head. “You guys are all batty, you know that? Thank you,” he said, and I knew that he meant it with his whole heart.

James and I grinned at him. “Anything for you, Moony. You’re our mate,” said James, clapping him on the back.

We slowly made our way to Gryffindor Tower, stopping and chatting with portraits when we fancied. Finally, after about 40 minutes of walking about the castle, we stretched out lazily on couches in the common room.

“Oh James, another thing that sucks about being a girl. The portrait hole! If you’re wearing a short skirt and there’s someone behind you, you need to worry about someone seeing up your skirt while you’re crawling through. And it’s even worse when you’re carrying a bag or anything in your hands in general.”

James grinned lazily. “Would that be so bad?”

I laughed and threw a pillow at him. “You randy arse.”

Remus stood up and stretched his long body. “I’m going to go upstairs and take a nap. Send Peter in my direction when he comes in, will you?”

“Yeah, no problem,” said James. He reached out his hand and James and Remus did this complicated handshake thing and then Remus left in the direction of the dormitories.

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself, settling comfortably into the couch. You don’t know how refreshing it is to see such a close bond between people. In our entire class, there is not a single group of people as close as Peter, Sirius, James and Remus are. I guess that they have Remus’s condition to bond over. All of Hogwarts watched while those four became as close as brothers. They would never do anything to purposely hurt one another. And if something serious did happen, all four of them would lock themselves in their dormitory and talk it out and not leave until everything’s been resolved. To the best of my recollection, the longest that they’ve ever been holed up in their dormitory is maybe 5 hours.

The cushions of the seat next to me sank down and I opened my eyes to see James sitting there, running his hands through his hair.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked me, taking his glasses off and setting them on the table.

“You and the boys. The Marauders. You guys are like brothers,” I said softly, smiling.

James smiled as well and sighed, pulling my feet out from under me and resting my legs on his lap. “They’re great. They really are… I don’t know if I would be able to handle things if it weren’t for them. How’s your back?”

“It’s good, thanks. Much better than last night, anyway,” I said, settling down so that my head and back comfortably rested against the arm of the couch.

“I’m really sorry, Lily.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I think that I need to go flying. Care to join me?” asked James, turning his head.

I shook my head and curled my legs up again. “Nah, it’s okay. I think that I’m just going to put all of this stuff away and finish up my homework.”

“See you later, then.”

“Ciao.”

After James left, I lay on the couch for a while, losing myself in my thoughts. When people started coming back in from Hogsmeade, I made my way upstairs and began to put my purchases away while listening to Sophie’s wireless. Just as the bridge in The Switchblades’ song ‘Can’t Get Enough of You’ began, an owl tapped its beak against the window.

I frowned, not recognizing the owl, but opened the window and let it in.

“You can drink some of that water there,” I said absent-mindedly, gesturing over to a saucer of water that we keep in the room for owls.

It hooted, drank a little bit and then gracefully flew out the window. I watched as it slowly turned into a small dot in the sky and then disappear altogether, then I finally looked at the envelope in my hands.

‘Miss Lily Evans

6^th Year

Gryffindor House Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’

The words written on the front of the envelope was in beautiful midnight blue ink, written in elegant cursive. I flipped it over and stared at the seal. It was from the Ministry of Magic.

I held my breath and broke the seal, pulling its contents out. I scanned the first couple of lines and gasped.

Holy shit.

…..
Nothing unusual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there’s no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
…..

Disclaimer: My idea about Lily’s job was completely inspired by ‘ALIAS,’ which is like the best show ever. The director of the program’s name is Kendall, which is another tribute to the show. Oh, and I got the name Kizzy from ‘Roots’ by Alex Haley. And another thing, when you get to the part about the banister, I thought of it myself, but upon reading Sarinileni’s Lust or Love? before it was deleted, James did a trick similar to the one that Nate did. So maybe Sarina’s story influenced my idea, or maybe not, I don’t know. Just acknowledging her to avoid any messiness.

Chapter Nine: Heavier Things
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Just a Ride’ by Jem)

I stepped out of the bathroom with only my towel protecting me against the frigid temperature of the room. The second I stood on the cold stone floor, I shivered and goose bumps erupted all over my arms, my body complaining and protesting against the cold.

As a result of the rainy and grey morning, only Kate and Sophie were able to resist the temptations of sleeping in forever and ever. Surprisingly, I was third to wake up at 11:30.

I quickly got dressed and then sat down on my bed, getting the letter out of my bedside table’s drawer. Despite my compulsive neatness and perfectionism, the paper was crinkled from opening and closing it so many times to read and re-read, just to make sure that it wasn’t all a joke. I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs with the heavy air.

I tied my hair in a knot and opened the letter with fumbling hands, ready to read it again. The thing is, I’d already memorized it after reading it twice.

‘Dear Miss Evans,

The Ministry Intelligence Agency has been alerted to your interest in a position within our ranks. We have looked at your files and spoken to your teachers and have received an excellent report on your capabilities.

I would like to meet with you in person this coming Saturday, 13 November to discuss several possibilities. Arrangements have already been made with your Headmaster and Head of House.

It is with the utmost urgency that I ask you to not mention receiving this letter or our upcoming meeting to anyone except for the proper authorities, as it would be a risk to our organization.

We at the Agency look forward to meeting with you and working with you in the future.

Sincerely,
Richard Kendall
Director of the Ministry Intelligence Agency’

What the FUCK? I’d thought that I would have to go through this whole application process. I’d thought that I would most likely get denied a position and apply to be an Auror, which is my second choice. But to get recruited? That’s just mind blowing. Especially since I’m still in school… Sweet Jesus.

And another thing. I can’t say anything about it? I understand why I shouldn’t shout it out from the rooftops. I wouldn’t have done that anyway. But still. I can’t even talk to my best friend about it. She knows that I want to be in Intelligence. Hell, she was the one who convinced me to do it. We both know that I’m not really one for office politics in a corporate situation or a desk job. She was the first to know about my decision and I’m going to have to lie to her about this whole thing. I looked at her bed, still unmade with her stuffed animal, Buttons upside down and half-covered by her blanket. I sighed and leaned back against my pillows. I guess it’ll have to do…

I’d received an owl from Dumbledore shortly after getting the one from the MIA and I’m supposed to meet with him tomorrow afternoon after the Prefect meeting to discuss the travel arrangements and other details. Frankly, I don’t know what the hell to expect. I suddenly felt very numb to the world and it was as if I had stepped out of my body and had come to watch it nearby. I mean, honestly! I’m a 16-year-old girl, not even close to being finished with school and I already have a job interview set up. And the best part is that it’s next week.

Fuck it. I need food.

I walked into the Great Hall and headed for the Gryffindor table, spotting Sirius and Peter among the sparse crowd.

“Morning guys,” I said, sitting down next to Peter and absentmindedly staring at the jug of pumpkin juice.

“Morning,” he said.

Sirius had just taken a huge bite out of a chicken wrap so he just resorted to nodding.

I drummed my fingers on my plate for a bit and restlessly looked around the room for nothing in particular.

“Lily, stop that. You’re making me nervous,” said Peter, putting his hands over mine to stop my tapping.

I jumped at his touch and stopped looking around and blushed. “Sorry. Where is everyone? Why’s it so… not crowded?” I asked, pulling a plate of toast and peanut butter toward me. One of the things that I love about Hogwarts on Sunday is that they serve breakfast until 12:30. And as it’s just a little past noon, all of the wonderful breakfast foods are out along with the lunch stuff.

“I know that Remus is still sleeping and that James is awake, but we don’t know where he is. He was gone by the time we woke up,” said Peter, neatly cutting up his chicken.

“Lily, what are you doing?” asked Sirius, looking incredibly interested in my food.

“Banana toast. What do you think?” I said, rolling my eyes. After peanut buttering my toast, I had taken bananas and began to cut them into slices, placing each slice on top of the peanut butter until two whole pieces of toast were completely covered.

“Can I try one?” asked Sirius eagerly.

“Yeah sure. But make one for yourself. Oh, have either of you seen Kate or Sophie around?” I asked, jumping around in the conversation, if you could call it that.

“Kate recently left with that Ravenclaw boyfriend of hers. I haven’t seen Sophie. What about you, Pete?”

I noticed that Sirius’s normally well-groomed appearance seemed almost… off kilter. He had some stubble growing and his light blue eyes looked dull and tired.

Peter shook his head.

I shrugged and turned back to my toast. Mmmm…. Banana and peanut buttery goodness.

“Li-ly. Help me,” whined Sirius, squirming in his chair like a little kid.

“Padfoot what the hell did you do?” asked Peter.

Sirius had somehow missed the piece of bread and had peanut butter smeared all over his clothes and a banana was half smushed on the plate. He had a sheepish look on his face and smiled shyly.

“I… made a mess?”

Peter tutted and the food disappeared with a wave of his wand. With another wave and a ‘scourgify!’ Sirius was as good as new.

I felt my mind wandering again, getting lost in a misty haze of thought and unanswered questions, mostly about the MIA. “Here you are,” I said, handing him my other slice absentmindedly. I looked up at the ceiling again and got up to go.

“You’re leaving already? But you’ve barely eaten anything,” said Peter.

I smiled at him, touched that he was worried about me. “Nah, I’m okay. I wasn’t that hungry anyway.”

“Lil, are you okay? You seem a little out of it,” said Sirius, looking concerned.

My face in my inner monologue smirked. Am I okay? No not really. “Yeah, I’m perfectly fine,” I smiled. “See you later, kids.” And with that, I made my way out of the Great Hall.

I listlessly began the trek back to Gryffindor Tower, restless for some reason. I looked out the window again, surveying the weather. Damn. If it weren’t raining, I could’ve gone outside and flown for a bit. Or I even could’ve gone running. Yeah, I kind of feel for a run… But it’s raining. Damn. You know, I’m sort of in the mood for a nap. Yeah, that’s it. A nap sounds good right now. I think I heard some footsteps behind me… Anyway, the only thing that I want right now is to take a nice, long nap. Yeah, that sounds good. I want my bed… Or maybe a bubble bath? I wouldn’t mind soaking in the tub right now. I could use those purple bubbles and then the ones that play music when they pop. Oh wait… I already took a shower. Oh well. I guess I’m taking a nap. Heh, good. I’m still kinda sleepy.

“Lily?”

Remus and I should probably change the password soon. I’ll have to talk to him later about it. When we both wake up, of course. Oh! Someone just grabbed my hand.

“Lily darling, are you okay?”

I turned around and looked up into Nate’s concerned face with glazed eyes. Funny. So many people have concerned faces when they’re talking to me. I blinked. “Yeah. I’m good,” I said. I made a face at the sound of my voice. It sounded really distant and just so not mine when the words came out of my mouth.

“What are you doing right now?” asked Nate, falling into stride along with me.

I shrugged and stared unseeingly ahead of me, not quite in the mood for anything. “Nothing really. I sort of want to just go back to bed.”

“Can I come with?”

I stopped and stared at him blankly. “Huh?” I sound like such a genius. And the MIA is recruiting me? Pssh.

“Can I,” kiss, “come,” kiss, “with?” kiss.

“Oh. Y-yeah. Sorry Nate. I’m really out of it,” I said, resting my head against his shoulder as we continued to walk.

“You want to talk about anything?” he asked, looking down at me.

I shook my head. “No, not really. I’m good.”

We walked on in silence, Nate lightly running his finger tips up and down the side of my body, knowing that he’s tickling me. When he pressed down a little harder on a certain spot, I turned and pushed him into an alcove behind a statue of Bartholomew the Unlucky, who was being harassed by a small group of fairies.

“Lily, what-?” but I cut him off, kissing him deeply. It didn’t take him too long to react and soon his hands were pressed against my skin, his fingers kneading in small circles.

When we got to the common room, random groups of people were scattered here and there, playing chess or reading magazines to pass the time.

“Ignore them. They won’t notice a thing,” I said, when Nate opened his mouth.

He shrugged and stroked the left banister of the staircase three times. They shuddered a tiny bit and then we made our way upstairs.

I was relieved to see that both Georgie and Grace’s beds were empty when I closed the door behind us. I kicked my shoes off and then climbed into my bed, holding the blanket up to let Nate slide in. He removed his shoes and then his t-shirt before getting under the blanket and closing the curtains around us. We looked at each other for a second, our faces getting closer and closer. Nate tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear and kept his hand on my cheek, guiding my lips to his…

I woke up a couple of hours later and snuggled into Nate’s body. He put his arm around me and tilted his head so that it rested against mine.

“What time are you going to leave?” I asked groggily, rubbing my eyes.

He sighed. “I should probably get going soon. My friends are going to start wondering what happened to me. And I have a Heads meeting with Dumbledore in about half an hour…”

“What time is it?” I got up and supported myself on my elbows, reaching over him to grab my watch off of my bedside table. I sighed and then propped my head up on my hand. “Fuck, it’s only like 3 o’ clock. What am I supposed to do for the rest of the day?” I said, yawning.

Nate smiled in that cute little way of his and ran his finger down my nose. “You know, you’re gorgeous when you wake up. And you have the most adorable little look on your face while you sleep.”

I smirked. “You watched me sleep? Nate love, that can be either really cute or really creepy. And you’re joking. I look like shit when I wake up,” I said, gathering my hair and bringing it over my shoulder.

“Nah, I think that you look good. Anyway, I should really get going,” he said. He got out of bed and put his shirt and shoes back on. “I’ll see you later, Lily,” he said, kissing my forehead.

I sighed and lay back down, going back to my lethargic and spacey mood.

A couple of minutes later, the door opened again and I lifted my head to see Kate walking in.

“Hey. Was that Nate that I just saw leaving?” she asked, coming and sitting in the spot that he had just left unoccupied.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Wait, you guys got back together?”

I nodded. “We got back together yesterday in Hogsmeade. We’ve been up here for the past like three hours.”

Kate made a face and then jumped up. “Wait, can I sit here? Ew.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s perfectly fine. We didn’t sleep with each other. We just slept. And trust me when I tell you this Kate, you’ll be the first to know when I lose my virginity.”

Kate relaxed and then got into bed with me, readjusting my blanket so that it covered her as well. “That’s good to know,” she said, and then became quiet.

“You okay there?” I turned over onto my stomach and hugged my pillow.

“Yeah, I guess,” she said shrugging. “I was just with Seth.”

“So then shouldn’t you be all happy and lovey dovey and whatnot?”

“Eh,” she said, noncommittally.

I frowned. I should ask what’s up with her. “What’s up?” I rolled my eyes to myself. Major brain fart right there. And again I ask myself: the MIA is recruiting me? Pfft, yeah okay.

“You know, there’s something weird going on here. You and I both have four letters in our name and both of our boyfriends have four lettered names too.”

I propped my head up on my hand for the second time that day to get a better look at Kate’s facial features. Her normally sparkling grey eyes looked kind of dull and her brow was creased ever so subtly with a frown. “If I tell you a secret, will you tell me what’s going on? I know that something’s wrong, Kate. You’re my best friend and I should think that after knowing and living with you for like 6 years, I would know when something’s eating at you, so don’t try to change the subject. Do we have a deal?”

“But nothing’s eating at me!” I made a face at her and she sighed. “Fine. I’ll tell you what’s going on. Now, what’s this secret of yours?”

I looked around the room to make sure that no one was here or listening and dropped my voice to a quiet whisper. “You know how I went to McGonagall and told her that I wanted to join the MIA?”

Kate nodded and her eyes flew to mine.

“Well, she said that I would have a good chance getting a job there. She said that I wouldn’t have anything to worry about and that I was in the right classes and everything.”

Kate frowned. “Lil, I already know all this.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, yes I know, you fart. Anyway, yesterday I got an owl from the MI bloody A. The director scheduled an interview on Saturday to meet me.”

Kate squealed and sat up, her head just narrowly missing a collision with mine. “Shut up!” she shrieked excitedly.

“Shut up, you idiot! No one’s supposed to know. I’m not supposed to have even told you,” I hissed.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, her voice dropping down to a whisper again. She lay back down and looked up at me. “Are you going to get in trouble for telling me, then?”

I frowned. Hmm. I didn’t think about that… Ah. “No, I’ll be fine. He only said that he asks me to not talk about it. It wasn’t like a direct order or against any type of protocol. So I should be okay.”

“So what do you think you’re going to talk about?”

“See, that’s the thing. I really have no idea. I’ve been thinking about this since yesterday afternoon and the only thing that I’ve come to that makes sense is that they’re recruiting me. But the only thing is that I’m still in school and it’s not like I can just up and leave to go train, you know?”

“Ooooh, so that’s what’s been eating at you. I knew that you were being weird. I mentioned it to Georgie yesterday but she just said that you probably broke a petal off of one of your precious flowers or something.”

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Georgie’s an idiot. Now it’s your turn.”

Kate made a face. “Do I really have to? Oh, who am I kidding, of course I do.” She sat up and drew her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. She sighed. “Where to start, where to start…” she murmured.

I sat up next to her and played with the soft, frayed edges of Binky, my blue and yellow striped baby blanket. I brought it up to my face and nuzzled it with my nose while I waited for Kate to spill.

“Okay, I really don’t know how to say this without sounding like an attention seeking brat, but whatever. So you know how Seth used to always be all like cute and cuddly and everything?”

I nodded.

“He was always all PDA isn’t such a bad thing and I’m-going-to-hold-your-hand-as-much-as-possible, you know? I used to love it. It made me feel special, as corny as that sounds. But then randomly, like completely out the blue, he’s all distant and just so not what he used to be. If I hold his hand in the halls, he just doesn’t grip back. He used to always do this cute little squeeze thing. Basically, I just feel like he doesn’t look at me anymore. He doesn’t give me the same attention that he used to. Now he’s always thinking about like Quidditch or fucking Belgium. I mean, if it were school, fine, I can totally understand that. We have a lot of work to do, so whatever. But we usually do it together. I just… ugh, I don’t know,” said Kate, leaning her head back against the headboard.

I sat for a while, mulling all of this over in my head. My hypothesis is that Seth’s gotten sick of Kate, which is totally impossible, since Kate is one of the sweetest and nicest people that I know. Either that or he’s cheating on her and I don’t want to be the person to bring that up. “Is that… Is that everything that you know, or is that everything that you’re willing to admit?” I said slowly.

Kate frowned and then moved so that her head was resting on my lap. I lightly brushed my thumb over her eyebrows, mimicking the soothing motions that my mother used to do to me when I was a little girl.

“I… I’m not quite sure,” said Kate uncertainly, her eyes fluttering open and looking at me, asking a million questions.

“Listen, I think that you should take a nap. You look absolutely exhausted and you’re completely stressed out from all of this. I’ll wake you up in half an hour with a bowl of ice cream and a brownie, okay? I’ll ask the house elves to make it exactly how you like it. What do you think?” I asked gently, continuing my thumb’s movements.

Kate smiled up at me and held my hand for a second. “You’re the best Lily, you know that?”

I smiled. “Just go to sleep.”

I stayed with Kate until she dozed off, doing everything that I could to comfort and soothe her. Once I was sure that she was asleep, I carefully eased her head onto a pillow and put her cat, Mittens in her arms. Mittens purred contentedly and then put her nose against Kate’s. I smiled to myself and grabbed my camera. That’s such a birthday card picture.

After retrieving my notebook and a pencil, I trotted downstairs and parked myself on a couch in perfect view of the portrait hole and everyone in the common room.

I listened to the conversations around me with half an ear while I sketched a second year’s profile or the chess set in front of me. Apparently, Lara from Hufflepuff is dating Ross from Slytherin, which is such a scandal among the 4^th years, especially since Ross just recently dumped Lara’s best friend, Lydia. Then Bryce the 3^rd year is supposedly failing Potions and Transfiguration, so McGonagall has to meet with him especially, just so that he won’t fail out of Hogwarts. I perked up a little when I heard my name being mentioned by a group of 5^th years, but then brushed it aside when I realized that they were only talking about me tutoring Simon Harrison. Which reminds me, I should probably find him later to schedule our next meeting.

The buzz of conversation stopped and was immediately replaced with excited whispers. I looked up to see the portrait of the Fat Lady swinging shut and James Potter walking in. But the thing is, he was dripping wet and stark naked, save the rubbish bin lids that he was holding in front of and behind his crotch.

As he walked by me, I raised my eyebrows and smirked.

“You don’t want to know,” he grumbled, on his way to the staircase.

The second he left, the group of 5^th year girls all began giggling like idiots and talking about James.

“Oooh, did you see him? I could just die!”

“I wish I were those lids…”

“I wonder if he knows my name?”

“My god, no one has ever looked that sexy wet.”

Despite my previous history with James, I felt a little smug about knowing that I know him personally, instead of just as James Potter, Quidditch Genius and Sexy Intellect. And I couldn’t help but agree with the last girl who spoke. James may be rather lanky and scrawny, but he has muscles in all of the right places. And they aren’t like body builder gross kind of muscle. They’re just big enough to be defined and ogled at and incredibly sexy. My musings were interrupted when the subject himself clunked down onto the seat next to me, propping his feet up on the table and disrupting the chess game, earning a series of tiny voices cursing and yelling at him.

“Sod off,” he said grumpily, toweling his hair off. “What?” he said, looking at me.

I shrugged and smiled innocently. “Nothing, nothing.”

James slumped and sighed, his hair sticking out in every which way. “Whatever you say, Lily dear.”

I propped my legs up on his lap and began to draw James’s face. I’ve never noticed how nice his cheekbones are…

“Well isn’t this a sight for sore eyes?” asked a very disheveled and disgruntled Remus, coming into view.

“Hey mate. Sleep okay?” asked James concernedly.

“Yeah I guess,” he said, shrugging.

“Hey Rem,” I said, pausing my activity, “I think that we should-. Actually, never mind,” I said, when Remus’s stomach grumbled very conspicuously. “You know what? Why don’t you go and get something to eat and then we’ll talk later.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding slowly. “I think I’m going to do that. See you later, Lil. Oh and Prongs, we need to talk,” said Remus, giving James a pointed look.

“Yeah. As soon as Padfoot and Wormtail get here.”

“Kay. Later, you two.”

I frowned and shook my head, following Remus out with my eyes. I heard that group of girls sigh as one and had to restrain myself from chucking a pillow at them. I really don’t think that I was that hormonal last year. But the sad part is that I probably was. Ugh. “He looks dead on his feet,” I said frowning. “But he’s been sleeping all day!”

“Lily,” said James quietly. I turned back to him and leaned my head in when he beckoned me closer. “Last night was the full moon.”

“Ooooh.” Everything clicked now. Remus waking up at 4 in the afternoon, looking completely zonked, ravenous, wounded, etc. Yep. It all makes sense now. But come to think of it, James, Sirius and Peter look exhausted too… But why…?

“You know, you’re really good at that.”

My heart stopped and I must’ve jumped about a kilometer out of my skin. I caught my breath and glared at James. “What the hell? You scared the shit out of me.”

James grinned at me and shrugged, pulling my notebook out of my hands and inspecting my portrait of him. “You’re really good,” he muttered again, as he began to flip through the pages and look at my various sketches.

I blushed. “No I’m not. There are barely any finished ones, anyway. Come on, give it back.” He handed me my notebook and I ripped out the page that I was working on and held it out to James. “Here. You can keep that if you like. I’ll even sign it for you,” I said, rolling my eyes. With a big loopy ‘xoxo’ and my name with a huge flourish, I handed him the folio.

“Oh, no. I couldn’t take that. You keep it,” he said, putting it back in my hands.

“Well, I can’t put it back in my book since it’s already ripped out and I don’t quite feel like doing magic right now. So I guess if you don’t want it, I’ll just leave it up for grabs.” I shrugged and put it down on the table next to his feet. We both stared at it for a while and then I remembered Kate.

“Hold on one second. I just need to go and check on Kate. Then will you go with me to the kitchens?” I said, getting up and re-tying the drawstrings of my sweatpants.

James nodded and pulled out a battered piece of parchment and a quill and began to write furiously in an illegible code.

I stared at him for a while and then shook my head. He has the weirdest idiosyncrasies. I climbed the staircase and then quietly tip toed over to my bed. Kate was fast asleep and Mittens was curled up in a ball right above her head.

I smiled and had to exercise a lot of self-control to keep myself from going ‘aaaw’ really loud. I dimmed the candles in the room and closed all of the curtains, just leaving one window uncovered to let in some light. I paused on my way out and held onto a bedpost for support, feeling a sudden bout of dizziness and shortness of breath. I closed my eyes and slowly breathed in and out several times. The air felt heavy and damp as I breathed and I felt my chest tighten. I stood up straight and closed the door softly behind me and then went back downstairs.

“I’m just going to let her sleep a little longer,” I told James, sitting down on the couch and propping my feet up next to his.

“Is she alright?”

“Yeah. Just something that’s bothering her.”

“Ah.”

I stared at James’s shoelaces on his trainers for a bit and then James stood up, putting the parchment back in his pocket. “Come on. We’re going to the kitchens,” said James raising his eyebrows at me as if to say ‘come on, dum dum. You’re the one who suggested the trip.’

“Oh right. Yeah, let’s go.”

We picked our way over the abandoned footrest here or the sprawled out first year there, eventually getting to the portrait hole and leaving the busy common room in exchange for the cool and silent corridors.

“So do you have any plans for this weekend?” asked James as we went behind a tapestry.

Um, let’s see. My MIA meeting? “Nope. Just planning on hanging out.”

“You’re not going to go to the Quidditch game?” asked James, shock written all over his entire face.

My stomach plummeted. Shit. Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff. The first Quidditch match of the season and I might not even be able to go. Fuck. I need to find out what time my meeting is. Hopefully it’s at 3. Please god let it be at 3. “Oh. Are you kidding? Of course I’m going! Why wouldn’t I?” I said brightly.

“Great! So do you want to sit together?” asked James.

“Yeah, sure. I just might have to leave early,” I said.

“Oh? How come?”

“Oh. I, er, have a lot of- I’m really tir- you know what? You don’t need to know why I might have to leave early,” I said, flustered and redoing my hair.

James studied me for a second, shrugged and then turned back to the hallway. “Sure, whatever. So it’s a date, then.”

“Yeah. Wait, what?” Did he just say what I think he did?

James’s neck and ears turned bright red, which is something that I haven’t seen in years. “Oh. No I just meant that Saturday is a date, you know, the 13^th, and we’ll spend a portion of that time together.”

“Riiight,” I said. I turned to the window and disguised my smile at his expense as interest in the weather.

“Lily! Jesus, I’ve been looking all over for you.”

James looked at me and raised his eyebrows, all traces of embarrassment gone.

“Hey Simon. What’s up? I was actually thinking about you earlier. I realized that we had to schedule our next session.”

Simon nodded. “That’s exactly what I was looking for you for. So listen, I have a Charms test on Wednesday and a History of Magic essay due on Thursday. So do you think that we can meet tomorrow? Potter,” he said, smiling at him.

James just cocked a brow and I almost laughed out loud when I saw Simon squirm.

A Charms test and an essay. Tomorrow? Pssht. Yeah right. “Actually, can we meet on Tuesday instead? It’s just that I have a Prefect meeting tomorrow and I have to do my homework too, so I don’t think that I’ll have enough time.”

“Oh. Okay,” said Simon, taking out a pen and writing on his hand.

“But in the meantime, just go over those practice sheets that I gave you last week and practice your wand movements, okay? Anyway, I have to go, but I’ll see you on Tuesday,” I said.

“Alright. Thanks, Lily! You’re a life saver!” he said, and gave me a dazzling smile. Whoa there. I think I just got blinded by the whitest teeth that I’ve ever seen. He turned and walked towards the way that we came.

“Well aren’t you the model student?” said James.

I shrugged and continued walking. “The kid’s not doing too well. Professor Flitwick asked me especially to help him out.”

“You know that he likes you, right?” said James.

“Romantically? Yeah, I do,” I said, smiling. “It’s kind of funny, actually, because we both know that I’m way out of his league.”

“You’re so incredibly modest, Lily. People need to pry for hours just to get something like that out of your mouth,” said James.

I rolled my eyes. “I just meant that I’m a year older than him, in a different House and we have completely different family backgrounds.”

“Yeah, sure. Okay,” snorted James jokingly.

“Prat.”

“Cow.”

“Sod.”

“Bitch.”

“Wanker.”

“Twat.”

“Runt.”

“WASP.”

“Sloth.”

“Sloth?”

I shrugged and smiled. “Yeah, sure. Why not? I decided to try something new for a change.” We stopped in front of a portrait and I reached out, tickling the pear. It turned into a handle, which we used to swing the door open. Immediately, the scent of baking bread, sizzling pork chops, fresh fruit and sweet potatoes gently wafted out, delighting our noses with the pleasant aromas of our dinner.

“Master James! Master James! I is not expecting you, sir!” squeaked a tiny little house-elf, tugging on James’s trouser leg.

James smiled and squatted down to roughly eye-level with the small creature. “Hi Kizzy. I hope that this isn’t a bad time for you,” he said, holding her small hand.

“Of course not, sir! Whenever Master James visits Kizzy, Kizzy will always stop her work and say hello! Master James, is Mistress Gabrielle well at the house? Kizzy hasn’t been able to visit her Mistress,” she said, her ears flapping as she spoke.

Ah, so that’s how James knows this particular house-elf so well. I guess that she used to belong to his family.

“She’s doing well, Kizzy. She and my dad say hello. Anyway, I want you to meet a friend of mine. Lily, come over here,” said James, looking up at me.

Kizzy’s huge, blue orb-like eyes turned to see me standing rather awkwardly off to the side during this little reunion. I hesitantly stepped forward and kneeled down next to James, unsure of what to do. I chose to smile at her.

Kizzy squeaked and jumped behind James who was watching our interaction with interest. I looked at him, completely mortified to have elicited such a reaction.

James laughed at the look on my face. “Lily, don’t worry about it. Kizzy’s just shy. Come on, Kiz,” he said, turning to the little elf. She obligingly stepped forward, staring at me with her huge, huge eyes. “Kizzy, I’d like you to meet my friend Lily. Lily, this is Kizzy. She used to live at my house but now she works here when I’m in school.”

Shit. James has a personal house-elf. That’s insane. “Hi, Kizzy,” I said uncertainly.

“Hello, miss,” she said, dropping down into a curtsy.

“Oh, no, you don’t need to do that for me, Kizzy. Really, I-I’m no one,” I said, blushing.

“But you are someone, miss. Master James has told me about you, yes, he has told Kizzy many times. Master James, Miss Lily is very pretty. You did not tell me that she has eyes like a fresh pickled toad,” said Kizzy.

I felt my eyebrows rise of their own accord and my cheeks flushed. “What else has Master James said about me?” I asked her, looking up and smirking at James.

James cut in smoothly before she had a chance to respond. “Kizzy, can you do something for us? We actually need to get back to the Tower soon. Lil, what’d you need to get?”

“Oh, right. Erm. Can I have one of those fudgy brownies heated to 60 degrees and a bowl of vanilla ice cream with chocolate shavings and caramel?” I asked, reciting Kate’s usual.

Kizzy nodded enthusiastically, her ears flapping as she did so. “Of course, Miss! Kizzy will bring it to you right away, miss.”

“Kate’s very particular, isn’t she?” said James, rocking back and sitting properly on the floor, stretching his legs out.

I rolled my eyes. “You have no idea. She’s so picky.” I sat back and breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth several times.

“But that’s funny because you and Georgie eat everything that comes your way,” said James.

I smiled and shrugged. “What can I say? We’re growing girls.”

Kizzy appeared right next to us, holding a basket in her hands. “Kizzy used her magic, Master James. She used it to keep the brownie warm and to keep the ice cream from melting,” she said, holding the basket out to me. I took it from her and thanked her.

“That’s perfectly fine, Kiz. Anyway, we have to go, but I’ll see you later, okay?” said James. He stood up and then helped me up too.

“Good bye, Master James! Bye Miss Lily!” said Kizzy, blue eyes wide and glowing.

“Bye, Kizzy,” I said, waving as we left the kitchens.

“So you have a personal house-elf?” I said, nudging James with my free elbow once we were en route to Gryffindor Tower.

The back of James’s neck and his ears turned pink in a faint blush. “Er, yeah. I guess so. She’s only 4 years old and she’s actually really attached to me, which is why Mum sent her to Hogwarts with me this year. It’s kind of awkward, actually.”

I shrugged. “If it counts for anything, it doesn’t bother me at all. And so that’s why she’s still so small.”

James nodded. “Yeah. But she’s going to finish growing this year.”

“Anyway, explain to me why you came in earlier with two rubbish bin lids covering the family jewels.”

“Oh. Funny story, that,” said James darkly. “See, I was in the Library being a good little boy, doing my homework and minding my own business. Then Sirius came along and suggested that we go for a fly. So naturally, I went with him.”

“In this weather?” I said, looking out the window.

James shrugged. “It’s just rain. Anyway, after we flew back in, I took a shower. And then when I came out, Sirius had taken my clothes and every single towel that was in there with him. I had to walk through the entire bloody school with rubbish bin lids serving as clothing. It was fucking freezing.”

“Wait, let me get this straight. You walked through the entire castle with lids as your clothing?”

James nodded.

I snorted. Like, I actually snorted. James started laughing at me and then I started laughing too, reaching out and holding onto the wall for support. I drew in a shaky breath in between laughs but felt my chest tightening. My eyes widened in alarm and I began frantically searching my pockets, before realizing that I didn’t have pockets at all. I gasped for air and bent over double, trying to fill my lungs.

“James,” I said, and gasped, taking in only a fraction of the air that I needed.

“Shit. Lily! Shit,” cursed James, his laughter immediately dying.

“Hospital Wing,” I wheezed.

James snatched up the basket of Kate’s food and gathered me in his arms before sprinting down the hallway.

I started choking and coughing, my chest getting tighter after every second that passed. Tears ran down my face as I gasped for the air that I knew wouldn’t be coming.

“Hold on, Lily. Hold on,” urged James desperately. He kicked a wall and it slid open. James sprinted through it and raced down the hallway.

I began to see little white lights popping in front of my eyes and I coughed and gasped at the same time.

“Lily. Oh god, please. Just hold on for two more seconds,” whispered James, holding me tighter to him.

“James,” I gasped. “Please.”

James skidded to a halt in front of the wooden doors and kicked them open with his feet. “Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey!” yelled James, running in and gently setting me on a bed.

“What is going on, Mr. Potter?” she scolded, coming out of her office.

“It’s Lily! We were just talking and she-”

But Madam Pomfrey was out of sight and James cursed. He looked up at me with a terrified look on his face. His hazel eyes darted around the Hospital Wing, looking for something that could help me.

I began to dry heave and I gasped and wheezed, slowly losing feeling in my legs.

Madam Pomfrey ran out of her office and handed me my inhaler. “Come on, Miss Evans. Open your mouth,” she said, guiding my hands.

I put my inhaler in my mouth and pressed down on the little bottle, sucking the medicine in. The tears streamed down my face as I closed my mouth and held it in. I shook my inhaler with unsteady hands and gasped again, this time getting a little more air.

“Once more, Miss Evans.”

“Can’t you do anything to help her?” cried James. “You can re-grow bones but you can’t give her air?”

I puffed on my inhaler and then looked at James, shaking my head.

“Asthma is much more complicated, Mr. Potter. Now, if you are going to behave like this and disturb my other patients, I will have to ask you to leave,” said Madam Pomfrey sternly.

James looked around the Hospital Wing at the empty beds and opened his mouth to protest, but I caught his eye and shook my head. James closed his mouth and dropped his shoulders.

At last, my breathing began to stabilize and I collapsed against the pillows, dizzy and weak from the lack of oxygen for close to 10 minutes.

“Would you like a sleeping potion, Miss Evans?” asked Madam Pomfrey, holding her hand to my forehead as she handed me my after-attack potion.

I shook my head and swallowed the orange liquid. I took a long, deep breath and felt my lungs filling with oxygen. I closed my eyes and leaned back even further into the pillows, breathing deeply after every other breath.

“Oh my god. Lily. Why didn’t you tell me that you have asthma?” asked James, sliding a chair close to me.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him, and then pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t think that I’d need to tell you,” I said quietly. I drew in another breath and continued. “I haven’t had an asthma attack since the first week of school, anyway. The potion that I just took prevents that from happening three times as effectively as my inhaler.”

“You have no idea how scared I was. When I saw you, doubled over and gasping like that… My blood ran cold and I didn’t know what the hell to do with myself. I didn’t know what was going on and I didn’t know how to react.”

I smiled. “It’s fine. You didn’t know that I have asthma and that I was having an attack. You did what you should have done and I can’t thank you enough for that. And besides, what you just saw wasn’t as bad as it can get. I had an attack last year around the time of the O.W.L.s and it was so much worse.”

James shook his head and rested it against my shoulder. “I can’t imagine what that would be like.” He suddenly sat up straight and looked at me in horror. “Oh god. That happened because of me. If I hadn’t told you the story, you never would have laughed and you would’ve been fine!”

I rolled my eyes and sat up straight, crossing my legs under me Indian style. “James, listen to me. You did everything that you should’ve done and you did it perfectly. You brought me to the Hospital Wing right away and that’s the best thing that you could’ve done. Your story isn’t necessarily what triggered the attack. I’ve been having a hard time breathing all day and it was really only a matter of time before I had an attack.”

Madam Pomfrey came around the cloth partition and looked at me.

“I think that I can leave. I’m just going to stay for another 5 minutes, but I’m okay now,” I said.

She nodded and gave me my spare inhaler back. “Here you are. Just incase you’ll need it on the walk back. This castle really is far too big. So many things can happen in its hallways. Well, Miss Evans, if you’ll need anything, I’ll be in my office.”

I nodded and thanked her.

James looked at me wide-eyed. “She’s just going to let you off like that? No need to stay overnight? No endless prodding and poking?”

I laughed and shook my head. “No, none of that. She’s been familiar with my case since first year and she knows that I know how to handle myself after an attack. I’m not supposed to do anything strenuous for the next three hours, nor am I allowed to get up from my bed once I get in it.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up.

James immediately stood up and turned around. “Hop on my back, Lil. I’m not going to let you risk another attack like that.”

“James, turn back around, you twat. I don’t need a piggy back ride.”

“Yes you do. Now shut up, stop complaining and hop on.”

I rolled my eyes. “Aye, aye, captain.” I jumped on his back and wrapped my arms and legs around him. James held on to my thighs for support and began to walk out of the infirmary. My stomach fluttered and I rested my cheek against his shoulder, sighing.

“Bye, Madam Pomfrey!” he called out as we walked by her office.

“Bye, dears,” she said distractedly, waving from her desk.

“James, I feel like such an idiot,” I said into his shoulder as we walked through the halls.

“Lily, shut up. You’re not allowed to talk until we get you to bed.”

“You’re worse than my dad,” I muttered.

We awkwardly entered the Gryffindor common room and James took me up the stairs, using the trick that Nate used hours ago. He opened the door to my dormitory and slammed right into Kate who was dashing out of the room.

I reached out and grabbed the threshold, keeping James and I balanced as my legs tightened around his waist.

“Oh my god! Lily, I just got an owl from some 4^th year who saw you being rushed to the Hospital Wing. I was just about to go and see you,” said Kate, following James as we walked to my bed.

“Kate, I’m fine. You know the drill. I’m not supposed to get up anymore. Thanks, sweetie,” I said as I hopped off of James’s back and got back into bed.

James nodded mutely and sat at the foot of my bed while Kate crawled over me and sat down.

“Well, we brought you your food,” I said, holding up Kate’s basket.

Kate waved her hand dismissively. “After your asthma attack, I think that you’re the one who needs it. I can just go to dinner anyway.”

I shrugged. “If you insist,” I said, and pulled out the brownie. I dug my spoon into it and just melted at the taste of it in my mouth. That’s some freaking good stuff right there.

“Lil, I feel really guilty about leaving you, but do you mind if I go and get some dinner? I haven’t eaten all day,” she said, resting her hand on my arm.

I waved her away with my spoon. “Shoo. I don’t want you here anymore anyway. Go eat, you stickly girl. And James, you can go too.”

“Kay. Bye Lee,” she said.

“Bye Kavs.”

“What are you still doing here?”

“What did you guys just call each other?” we said at the exact same time.

“Sorry, you go,” said James.

“What are you still doing here? Don’t you want to go to dinner?” I asked, crossing my arms and leaning my head back against the wall.

James shook his head. “Nah, I’ll just stay with you. Besides, I’m having dinner brought to us.”

My head lifted so fast that I almost got whiplash. I winced and held my neck. “You’re doing what?” He’s having dinner brought to us? When the hell did he have time to arrange for it?

“I asked Kizzy to bring us dinner,” said James shrugging. “Anyway, what’d you guys call each other?”

I smiled and took another bite out of the brownie. “Oh yeah. Kate calls me Lee sometimes, which are my initials. Well, my middle initial is ‘M’ but it’s hard to say ‘lme,’ you know? And Kate’s initials are K-A-V-S, so I call her Kavs.”

James frowned. “I don’t understand you guys, but whatever.”

“Yeah…” I said.

We sat and stared at each other, the situation sinking in. James just carried me through half of the castle as if we’ve known each other for years and now we’re sitting on my bed like a pair of young lovers. We were both at a loss of what to say, so we kept on opening our mouths and then closing them. Needless to say, it was incredibly awkward.

There was a sudden crack! and James and I both jumped out of our skins, looking around for the source of the sound. I immediately relaxed, however, when I saw little Kizzy balancing a huge tray laden with two plates of everything that’s at dinner.

“Kizzy brings the food like Master James asked, sir! Where does Master want it?” squeaked Kizzy.

James looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“Um, you can just set it here on the bed, Kizzy,” I said, after looking around. Eh. I’m too lazy to slide off the bed anyway.

“If Master and Miss need anything, just call Kizzy. Kizzy will wait,” she said.

“It’s okay, you can go back to the kitchens and eat,” said James, taking his shoes off and sitting properly on my bed.

“Oh Master James, you are too kind to Kizzy! But Kizzy will go and do as Master James asks. Good bye Miss Lily!” said Kizzy. With another crack! she was gone.

“You know, I’ve never been in here before. It’s kinda weird,” said James in between bites.

“Really?” I looked around and frowned. No one’s bed was made except for mine and Kate’s (that girl’s the best… she must’ve done it for me earlier), a lone shoe stood in the middle of the floor and someone’s bra was sticking out of its drawer. “Well, it’s not exactly at its best state right now… It’s just that on Sundays we don’t usually…yeah…” I said and shrugged. “It’s a lazy day, what can I say?”

James laughed. “I like it, though. It’s really…different from mine.”

“Well I hope so. I don’t think that you guys would have a bra hanging out,” I said. I grabbed my wand and muttered a few choice words. Immediately, the bed linens began tucking themselves into the bed frames, lost articles of clothing and accessories were returned to their homes and the weird smell that was previously hanging in the air was replaced by the normal smell of the combination of all of our different perfumes. “There we go. This is how it usually is.”

“It smells… really nice,” said James, leaning out of my bed to get a better whiff of the air. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this. It’s incredible. I’m honestly baffled right now. Jesus. Lily, would you mind if I moved in? This is just… Wow.”

I laughed at the look on his face. He was actually completely bewildered. “You’ll have to check with the girls first, but I’m sure that you’d be more than welcome.” Oh man, this pesto’s really good. And I wonder what kind of dressing they used in the salad… Balsamic and something else. Olive oil, perhaps?

“And it’s not as…girly as I thought it’d be,” said James, chewing thoughtfully on a pork chop.

I raised my eyebrows and shoved some more of this incredible pesto into my mouth. “Freally? Whad youf epec?” I said through it. I made a face and swallowed. “Sorry. What’d you expect?”

“I’m not quite sure. I guess that I just expected there to be tons more pink and teddy bears and make up or something.”

“Well, look around. We all have stuffed animals, Georgie’s crazy about pink and all of our make up’s in the bathroom. So ha,” I said triumphantly. “What’s yours like? Dirty clothes in piles everywhere, Quidditch posters galore and accidentally torn up books all over the place?”

James opened his mouth and paused. I saw this little thought bubble form above his head and I imagined a dorm with a similar set up to ours, but with broken furniture, a huge heap of dirty clothes in the corner, Sirius jumping up and down on his bed with a monkey, and a parrot squawking and flying around Remus’s head as he attempted to do his homework under more piles of clothing.

“Actually, no, not really,” he said.

The parrot squawked one last time and then fell over as the thought bubble popped. Damn. That would’ve been funny.

“We do have our fair share of posters, but we’re pretty neat. Especially Sirius. He’s completely anal about being organized. He actually has rubber gloves and a bucket filled with cleaning supplies in his trunk, which he uses every Wednesday to clean the dorm,” said James, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Huh,” I said thoughtfully, chewing on a ligament from my pork chop.

“Anyway, you guys have so many pictures,” he said, staring at the wall that Sophie’s bureau is pushed up against.

“Oh, yeah,” I said. Back in second year, we’d decided to put every single picture that we’ve taken with each other up on the wall, mixed with a few of our personal pictures with family. The nicer ones we keep in photo albums or in frames on our bedside tables. “That wall’s been in the making for four years now. I actually have to put a bunch up. I got a couple of rolls developed yesterday when we were in Hogsmeade,” I said, glancing at my night table.

James followed my gaze and got up to look at the pictures in the silver frames. I stood next to him, picking up a picture of Kate and I taken on the very first day of school. Kate’s hair was in braids and mine was pulled back in a ponytail and we both looked so young. We stood with our arms around each other, grinning and waving. We’d first become friends when we walked through the barrier at the same time and Georgie took the picture when we stepped off the train.

“Who’s this?” asked James, picking up a frame.

I looked over his shoulder and smiled. “Aw, that’s my puppy! That’s Ringo. I got him for Christmas in second year. He was only 5 months old when I got him and he was the most adorable little thing that you’d ever seen. Look, here’s another picture. That’s Ringo with Elliot, our family’s dog and Socks who my mum got for my dad after his old Spaniel died.”

“I never knew that you were so into dogs,” said James, reaching into his back pocket.

“Oh, are you kidding? I love them! If I could bring Ringo with me to school, I totally would. I always feel so bad when I leave him after every break,” I said, running my fingers over the picture.

“Look, this is Zoë,” said James proudly, holding out a picture for me. It was a black and white picture taken of James, who looked to be around 8 or 9 years old with a Labrador puppy licking his face. A young Sirius suddenly wandered into the picture and began petting Zoë enthusiastically and pushing her away when she tried to give him doggy kisses.

“James, she’s beautiful,” I breathed, admiring her glossy coat. “And I had no idea that you knew Sirius for so long! How old were you guys here?”

“We were nine when that picture was taken, but we’ve known each other since we were… seven, is it? Bloody hell, it is. We’ve known each other since we were seven when Sirius’s dad brought him to the house when he had lunch with my dad. Of course, now Sirius and Mr. Black don’t talk to each other because his father’s a bloody spineless sod who won’t stand up to Sirius’s bitch of a mother, so their relationship now is infinitely different from what it was when we first met,” said James angrily. “Sirius only stayed as long as he did because of his dad, but he never defended Sirius against his mother. Sirius finally realized that he was never going to do anything like that, so he left.”

“Oh,” I said. I felt as though I’m intruding on Sirius’s personal life. I know that he told me that he ran away from home like last week, but he didn’t tell me all of this. And also it’s not like I’ve really known him that well for that long…

I put the empty tray on the floor and lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. A shift on the mattress alerted me to James’s presence next to me.

“Hey,” he said, turning to face me.

“Hey,” I said back, looking at him. I furrowed my brow and studied James’s face. I pushed his bangs away, but then shook my head when I realized that that wasn’t what I was looking for. “Ah,” I said quietly. I took his glasses off and looked into his eyes. His pupils were tiny pinpricks because of the bright lights and his irises swirled around them, a myriad of different colors, but always coming back to hazel. I looked deep into his eyes, searching them for something. I lightly ran my finger over his eyelashes and suddenly felt a jolt of electricity run through my body, just like what happened at that party a couple of weeks ago.

Two little boys, one older and one younger, ran around a garden chasing after a butterfly… a blonde woman cradling a baby while the older one stood on his tiptoes and peered at the baby’s face…three boys flying around on brooms and chasing one another…four little girls walking down the corridor with their arms all linked together…

I was jolted back to reality and suddenly felt a little dizzy. I furrowed my brow, confused about what just happened in what must’ve been two seconds. I stared at James again and felt whatever it was that I had just witnessed quickly slip out of my memory’s grasp. I suddenly felt light headed and happy.

James stared back at me and poked the tip of my nose with his fingertip. I giggled and then rested my head against his shoulder, curling my legs up to my body.

“Our dogs should meet one of these days,” said James, playing with a ribbon that I’d tied around my wrist.

I nodded. “That’d be fun.” All of a sudden, a yawn escaped my lips and I sighed contentedly.

“I should let you get to bed,” said James quietly. “It’s been a long day for you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

I scooted back to my pillows and pulled the blankets out from under me and snuggling under them. I know that I haven’t brushed my teeth but I’m suddenly just way too tired.

“Night, James,” I said.

“Night, Lily,” he said. He pulled my blanket tighter around me and kissed my forehead.

The last thing that I saw before drifting off to sleep was James blowing the candles out and then being framed by the light coming in from the hallway.

…
Life, it’s ever so strange
It’s so full of change
Think that you’ve worked it out, then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
…

Disclaimer: Yay! My last disclaimer! I promised myself that after chapter 10, I wouldn’t do disclaimers every chapter and I’ll only do it when needed. So, just for old time’s sake: I don’t own anything except for the plot and original characters. Everything else belongs to the fabulous J.K. Rowling and her awesome publishing companies.

Chapter Ten: Exciting Mundanity
(Chapter’s Song: ‘Who Makes You Feel?’ by Dido)

Kate and I ran down the steps, just narrowly missing being hit by a flying warthog holding a sword. We sprinted down the staircase and down another when my foot suddenly sank through the trick step and I fell down…down…down…

I woke with a jolt and felt something warm and furry around my neck. What the…? Oh, it’s only Mittens. It’s actually been a while since I last woke up with her curled up around my neck like a furry scarf. I gently picked her up and placed her on one of my pillows and slowly sat up, stretching and yawning. Oh man, Monday morning. Frick.

I opened my curtains and swung my legs off of my bed and then sat for a while, just watching the second hand tick closer and closer to making it 6:43 AM. I blinked a couple of times and then shrugged before reaching out and turning my alarm clock off. I might as well get ready for the day…

I padded into the bathroom as silently as I could so as not to disturb the quiet serenity of the dorm. Besides, I would be viciously murdered if I woke anyone up right now. I stood in the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Tired green eyes, skin marked with pillow creases and traces of drool running down the side of my mouth. Oh, and let’s not forget my sorry excuse of hair completely knotted and hanging limply down my shoulders. Needless to say, I’m not exactly what you would call a morning person. I shook myself and then got moving again, turning the tap on and running the hot water. After tossing yesterday’s clothing into the hamper, I stepped into the only thing that would ever wake me up properly.

I dashed into the Transfiguration classroom with barely a minute to spare and slid into the last empty seat, next to James Potter and his friends. I caught Kate’s eye from the opposite side of the room.

‘I’m sorry,’ she mouthed. I shrugged and waved my hand at her.

“Morning,” said James brightly as I took my books out. “Nice hair.”

I rolled my eyes. “Shut up,” I grumbled. I tossed the mess of curls and straight hair (sometimes it dries half and half like that) into a high ponytail and fixed my skirt. It’s amazing how even if you wake up super early, you still end up being late. I hate that. Sodding karma. Or whatever.

“Settle down, settle down,” said McGonagall, walking into the room and commanding silence. “We have a lot to cover today. I have your essays to hand back to you and then we will begin discussing conjuring…”

“When did we write an essay?” I whispered to James.

He frowned and shook his head. “Sirius?”

“It was due last Thursday. Two feet on the dangers and risks of transfiguring animals into people,” said Sirius.

“I honestly have no recollection of this assignment,” I said, shaking my head.

“Since when were you so on top of things?” asked James, staring at Sirius with a look of wonder written all over his face.

“Evans…” said McGonagall, coming around and handing me my essay. “Oh, and I would like to speak to you after class. You too, Potter.”

I took my essay from her and nodded. Nice. I got an ‘O’. Oh, now I remember this thing… It took me forever to get it done. Good thing I got top marks then.

“What? Why?” spluttered James.

McGonagall just handed him his paper and walked away.

“What’d you get?” he asked, peeking over my shoulder.

I wiggled my shoulder and shoved him away. “Stop it, you nosy prat. And why are you so… perky on a Monday morning?”

“Prongsy here is like that. Gets on your nerves, he does. Way too chipper,” said Sirius, lazily blowing his hair out of his face.

McGonagall walked back to the front of the classroom and began talking about the wand/wrist movements necessary to properly conjure something. Although all that I heard was “Flick your wand….wrist…shmee…”

I sighed. Oh man.

“Evans,” called McGonagall, just as I was about to leave the classroom.

I turned around and raised an eyebrow. “Aye? I mean, yes, professor?”

“I asked to speak to you, remember?”

Bugger. “Right. You did say that. Is anything wrong, professor?” I said, shifting my bag higher up on my shoulder as I walked over to her desk. James looked at me weirdly and rolled his eyes, running his hand through his hair. Sexy beast.

“Nothing at all, Evans. Just wanted to tell you that the password to the Headmaster’s office is ‘Pumpkin Pasty’. But I also wanted to know, did you pay attention at all today?” she said, looking at me sharply.

“Yes, of course,” I said smoothly, avoiding James’s eye because we played hangman the entire lesson.

“Then would you mind telling me who patented the spell, in what year and in what country?”

“Not at all. The conjuring spell, or apparo conjuctus was patented by Dietmar Lagerhaus in what is now Germany in 3 AD. Lagerhaus is also the founder of the Summoning charm, the Levitating charm and the lesser-known toenail growth charm. He is also acknowledged for making chinchilla training popular and for founding a business off of it,” I said. Damn, I am good.

“Oh. You’re quite right, Miss Evans,” said McGonagall, taken aback.

James stared at me with a mixed expression of confusion and admiration on his face.

“So,” I said, adjusting my bag again. “Am I free to go?”

“Yes, you are dismissed. And you are to be at the Headmaster’s office at 4 o’clock.”

“Right. Thank you, professor,” I said, and walked out of the room.

Yay! Guess who doesn’t have class for another hour? I began dancing down the corridor, ignoring the strange looks from the few stragglers late to their next class. “She’s chic but she’s not shady, yeah / Sophisticated lady / And she makes me feel good / She’s so fine,” I sang, shaking my hips.

I paused in the middle of the hall and started air guitaring and shaking my head. I released my hair from its confinement and let it fall down and whip around.

“Yeah, don’t you know she blows my mind / All the time / ‘Cause she makes me feel good / Like a real woman should / Yeah, she’s so mine.”

“What are you doing?”

I stopped and flipped my hair over my head and away from my face. Ah, James. Always popping up wherever I go. “Nothing,” I said innocently and began to walk towards the front doors of the school.

“Where are you going?” asked James, speeding up to catch up to me.

“Studying to be a detective, James?” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I’m heading out to the pitch. I wanted to get some fresh air before having lessons for the rest of the day because I don’t think that I’ll be able to handle sitting in stuffy rooms for four more hours. Too jittery.”

“Right,” said James. “You’re okay, right? After last night, I mean.”

I looked over at him and nodded. “Yeah, I’m peachy. And thanks for staying with me, that was really sweet of you.”

James shrugged. “What was I supposed to do? Just leave you there? That’d be a very pricky thing to do.”

I nodded again and leaned against the heavy front doors that led to the grounds. They gave way to the vision of a steel grey sky with angry clouds and a sense of heaviness in the air, the atmosphere preceding a storm. Fog kissed the grounds in tendrils of pearly white curls, leaving the grass beneath our feet slick and damp as we traversed the grounds to get to the gigantic Quidditch pitch. James and I climbed the stairs and settled ourselves into seats halfway up the height of the stadium, two lone pinpricks of color in a vast sea of grey plastic.

I sighed, closed my eyes and leaned my head back all in one motion, letting the brisk November air wash over me.

Number of days left till my meeting: 5

Cups of coffee consumed since 7 am: 4

Number of cigarettes smoked due to stress: none, since it would kill me, but I seriously considered it. Sometimes, I hate asthma. I really, honestly and truly do.

Oh wait. Shit. My eyes flew open and my entire body spazzed. I’m not kidding. My arms and legs and my neck all jerked. It’s like that feeling when you’re right about to fall asleep and you’re dreaming/imagining going down a set of stairs, but then you miss it and you jerk awake. Like what happened to me this morning! Ha. But anyway, will my asthma not get me into the MIA? I mean, I know that they all have to go through some serious training and then there are those missions… Oh man. What am I supposed to do? I mean, what if I’m out in the field and I suddenly have an asthma attack?

Shit. I relaxed against the chair, defeated. They’ll never take me now. They probably forgot to look at my medical records or something, which is why they’re still interested. Cruel, stringing-along people they are.

“Lily?”

I must’ve jumped like two kilometers into the air. “Sweet Jesus and all things holy,” I said, putting my hand up to my heart and breathing deeply. “Why do you always do that? Why?”

James cocked an eyebrow at me. “Why do you always space out? I’ve been trying to talk to you for the past couple of minutes.”

“You have?” I said. James gave me a look that said ‘don’t even go there.’ “Right, you have. I’m sorry, will you repeat what you said?” I rested my chin on my hand and batted my eyelashes at him.

James laughed and flicked my arm. “I asked you,” he said, “if you’re breathing okay and if you have your inhaler in your bag.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I’m breathing fine and I do have my inhaler. And just for your information, I probably won’t have another asthma attack for another like three months, so quit walking around on egg shells.”

“Just checking to make sure,” said James shrugging.

I nodded and bowed my head, scratching the exposed skin on the back of my neck.

Then ever so faintly as though afraid of being caught, a fragile harmony filled with sorrow and joy and contentedness floated through the silence.

My head shot up and I silenced James who had just been about to speak. I put my finger to my lips and listened quietly to make sure that I hadn’t imagined it. A tinkling cadence filled the air as the notes bounced off one another and cascaded like a waterfall.

“Listen,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “Do you hear that?”

James was silent. Then, “What am I listening for?”

“Sssh,” I whispered. “Listen with your soul, not your ears.”

I opened my eyes and watched James’s brow furrow in concentration. In the distance, the flute played an eerie chromatic scale and then followed it with a melodious arpeggio.

“What was that?” asked James.

“You just heard the centaurs’ music for the first time in your life,” I smiled.

“Good job today, Lily. Excellent use of old material,” said Professor Flitwick as I walked out the door.

“Thanks, professor!” I called back.

I stepped into the hallway the same time that all of the doors on this floor opened, signaling the end of the school day. Students flooded the corridor and began milling around, heading to their respective common rooms. Around me, my peers discussed plans of having Exploding Snap tournaments or visiting their friends from other Houses.

I sighed and redid my ponytail. It’ll be a while before I can kick back and relax. I have a Prefect meeting for the next hour, then a meeting with Professor Dumbledore after that. Oh, and let’s not forget the three hours of homework that will be waiting for me when I get back to my dorm. Ah, the joys of being a 6^th year Prefect.

“Hey,” said Remus, sidling up next to me.

“Oh, hey,” I said, smiling. “Ready for the meeting?”

Remus shrugged. “I suppose. Do you know if we’re discussing anything in particular today? I’m really not in the mood for it.”

I shook my head. “No clue. Hopefully, no one will have much to say and we’ll be able to leave early. And I know exactly what you mean. The only thing that I want to do right now is take a nap and just get away from it all. Did you know that in the course of one day I managed to accumulate like 10 hours of work? I have an essay due in two subjects, a practical test in another, and a Potions project due by the end of the week?”

“Amnesty should be alerted,” said Remus, grinning at me.

I rolled my eyes and shoved his shoulder. “Shut up.”

We pushed the door open and walked into one of the classrooms that is occasionally set aside for Prefect meetings. An eclectic group of people sat around on tables or chairs, waiting for the meeting to start.

“Hey Lil,” said a Hufflepuff prefect named Tessa. She played with the ends of her blonde hair as she sat balanced on the back two legs of her chair.

“Hullo Tess,” I said tiredly and dropped my bag on the floor.

Remus sank into a chair next to me and I rested my head against his shoulder, closing my eyes.

“We’re not talking about much today, yeah?” asked Remus.

“No, don’t think so. Nothing’s coming up, so it’ll probably just be stuff like new patrol schedules, the date of the next Hogsmeade weekend and stuff like that,” said Tessa.

I zoned out for a bit, occasionally listening to Remus and Tessa’s conversation about fluff plants or something like that. Yeah, don’t ask me. I’ve no idea.

“Okay guys, let’s get started,” said Claire, the Head Girl. She sat on the teacher’s table in the front of the room and casually swung her legs back and forth. “Nate’s sick, so he won’t be able to make it today.”

I frowned. I didn’t know that he was sick. He was perfectly fine this morning when I saw him at breakfast.

“Anyway, we don’t have much to do today. The same patrol schedules as last week apply, so just make sure that you know when your shift is. The next Hogsmeade weekend isn’t until the week before we leave for Christmas hols, so we don’t need to worry about that for a while.”

Tessa shot Remus and I a look and I grinned at her.

“In the meantime,” continued Claire, “does anyone have anything that they would like to discuss? Yeah, Arnold, what’s up?”

We all turned and looked at Greg Arnold, a Slytherin Prefect. “I was just wondering, can we maybe schedule a week or a day or something where we can be out of uniform? We can have each day be themed or something, like pajama day, then House color day or something like that. A couple of people have brought up the idea and I think that since there’s nothing really exciting going on, we could use it to bring up morale, what with the shitty weather and all.”

Claire tilted her head to the side and nodded. “Yeah, alright. That seems like a good idea to me. All in favor?”

Everyone raised their hands.

“Alright, then. I’ll bring it up with Dumbledore when I meet with him tomorrow. Once we get the go ahead, we can discuss other possible themes. Burbank?”

“On the subject of raising morale, could we do Secret Santas or Secret Valentines when the days come, or both? Everyone likes the excitement of wondering who their person is and getting stuff, so it’s really a win-win situation,” said Tessa.

“Yeah, and we could do it a bunch of ways. Like it could be within each House, or within years, or within years within each House, or inter-House, or by gender, or,” I started.

“Lily, shut up,” said Remus, his eyes twinkling.

I shrugged and used him as my pillow again.

“Evans has a point,” said Claire. “Okay, let’s vote. All in favor of having a secret something?” Everyone raised their hands except for three people. “Majority rules, there’s going to be gift giving. All in favor of doing both?” The room was almost split, except that the option of having both won by just one vote. “Okay, excellent. Sorry to the opposing party. Anyway, I know that now we should vote on stuff like how we’re going to have it organized and who’s going to do it, but to be honest, I really don’t feel like doing anything else today because I have a shitload of work calling my name. So unless anyone has anything else that they’d like to add, you’re free to go.”

Everyone shiftily looked around, praying that no one would raise their hands.

“Brilliant. See you around, same time next week. I’ll let the next location be known. Oh, and whoever took down the minutes, make sure to give a copy to someone from each House to put on their bulletin boards.”

“You want to take it?” asked Remus, holding the parchment out to me.

I wrinkled my nose. “Nah, it’s okay. You can have it. Consider it as an advance from your Secret Santa.”

“Aw, shucks. Thanks, Lil,” said Remus sarcastically. “Anyway, what are you up to now? I’m feeling a hot chocolate from the kitchens. Care to join me?”

“I’d love to, but I actually have to go and meet with Dumbledore. I’ll catch you later though, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” said Remus. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and we parted ways.

One of the things that I love about Remus is how he doesn’t feel the need to always question everything that I do. There are some people, ahem, James Potter, who always needs to know why you’re doing this, what’s motivating you and all of this stuff and I just start to feel so stifled.

Anyway, I wonder what Dumbledore’s going to tell me. Apart from the obvious, of course. He’ll definitely tell me like what time the meeting is, how I’m supposed to get there, hopefully what we’ll be talking about. Oh well. At least I’m not nervous…

…oh who am I kidding? I may not be nervous now, but come Saturday, I’ll be a fucking jittery mess. It’s always like that, especially with tests and exams and stuff. I won’t be stressed at all (okay, maybe a little) during the days leading up to the damn things, but then practically right before they start handing out the test/exam, I start panicking. Like majorly. But then I start, and it’s all cool again.

Wow, I just realized that I am possibly one of the weirdest people. Ever.

I stopped in front of the statue of the gargoyle that protects Dumbledore’s office and stared at it for a while. “You’re a scary asshole, aren’t you, you little bugger?” I muttered at it. I quickly rummaged through my bag for a mint or a stick of gum or something to rid myself of the horrible taste in my mouth and then stood up straight.

“Pumpkin Pasty,” I said to the gargoyle. It obediently sprang aside and I could’ve sworn it gave me the evil eye as I passed.

I looked up and traced the path of the moving staircase with my eyes. “Here goes nothing,” I muttered to myself.

I raised my hand and knocked on the highly polished door leading to Dumbledore’s office.

No answer.

I tentatively knocked again and waited, but no sound came. I gently pressed my ear up against the door and listened for any signs of movement, but heard nothing. I shrugged to myself. I guess I can just wait inside.

I cautiously opened the door, peaked my head in and then followed with the rest of my body.

Dumbledore’s spacious office was warm and inviting, with a fire crackling merrily in the grate. His desk was uncluttered and perfectly organized, with a single red feather placed in the middle of it. I dropped my bag down by one of the chairs facing his desk and looked around, taking in the timelessness of the office.

Portraits of headmasters and headmistresses past scaled the walls, some of them sleeping quietly and others talking amongst themselves. A few even waved at me and offered me a seat or one of those fabulous biscuits that I can find in that tin over by the window.

I ventured over to the towering bookshelves and looked at the various items on display. Groups of silver objects sat on spindly stools, quietly whirring and occasionally giving off puffs of magenta or burgundy smoke. A couple of them began to spin faster when I brought my hand near and then suddenly stopped when I decided to keep to myself.

I turned away from the trinkets and focused my attention on the phoenix standing on its perch by the Headmaster’s desk. Fully-grown and roughly the size of a swan, its scarlet and gold plumage gave it an air of majesty and grace.

“You’re a beautiful little thing,” I whispered, stroking its head. It looked up at me with intelligent eyes and rested its head against my hand while I petted its crest. “The feather on the desk is yours, isn’t it?”

The phoenix released a soft and somber note in response and then fluffed its feathers importantly.

“I guess I better sit down then, hm? Professor Dumbledore is likely to be back any moment,” I said to it.

I adjusted my uniform and made sure that my hemline’s straight, my tie knotted neatly and my Prefect badge pinned prominently on my sweater. Once I was satisfied, I sat down neatly in one of the chairs in front of Dumbledore’s desk and immediately sank several inches amidst the vast amounts of chintz.

“Oh dear,” I said, feeling like a little girl again. Whenever mum used to take Petunia and I to go and visit my grandmother in her apartment, I would always feel infinitely smaller whenever I sat down on one of her couches. The cushions always shifted under my weight, sending a mountain of throw pillows cascading down, creating a silk and chintz haven around me.

“Oh,” I said softly at the sudden weight on my lap. The phoenix had flown down and perched itself on my knee, looking at me with its dark and mysterious eyes.

“Fawkes seems to like you, Lily,” said Dumbledore, strolling into his office. His voice floated to my ears as if carried on a breeze, not alarming me in the least.

“Hello, Professor. Is that its name? He’s beautiful,” I said, and stroked Fawkes’s back. “I’ve only been here a few minutes. We were let out of the Prefect meeting early, so I chose to come here to discuss this coming Saturday,” I said, getting right to business.

“Indeed,” said Dumbledore. “Would you like a cup of tea? I’ve discovered this excellent horseradish tea. It’s really quite extraordinary. No? Alright then. So tell me, Lily. What do you know thus far about the Ministry Intelligence Agency?”

“Oh,” I said, taken aback. Dumbledore steepled his fingers and looked at me quizzically.

“Well,” I said, clearing my throat. “I know that they have agents of all levels. They have officers for things like paperwork and collecting information. Then there are other agents with more… power, I suppose, and they do the fieldwork. Among those are the specialists, like specialists in Charms or Transfiguration or explosives, etc etc. Agents also go undercover for varying amounts of time and seriousness, I guess, and, er…” I looked up at Dumbledore, smiled and shrugged. “Yeah, I guess that that’s all that I know. I mean, I’m sure that I probably know tons more, but at the moment, that’s all that comes to me.”

“Well, Lily. For an organization that prides itself so much on being discreet and well-guarded, you seem to know quite a bit,” said Dumbledore. “Biscuit, my dear?” he asked, holding out the tin that a previous headmaster had pointed out to me.

“No thank you.”

“Right. Well, let me give you the details. You are to be at my office on Saturday afternoon at four o’clock and will arrive at the Agency’s headquarters by portkey, which will go into effect at precisely 4:15. As such, I highly advise you to be on time,” said Dumbledore.

I nodded. “Wait, at the Agency’s headquarters? So it’s not at the Ministry?”

“I’m afraid not, Lily, although their offices are in London. I am sure that you will be familiar of the place when we arrive. I have also been told to inform you that you will undergo several examinations, for example a complete physical, a stress test, your skills in linguistics, critical thinking and other examinations that fall along those categories. I would like to remind you that you are not bound to this invitation,” said Dumbledore, his blue eyes surveying me through his half-moon spectacles.

“Right,” I said quietly, and looked down at my hands folded in my lap. So I guess that I better lay off the bowl for a while, huh? Bloody shame. I’m sure that it would’ve helped me enormously. Oh dear lord. I need to detox this week… Anyway, on top of that, I’ll probably be tested physically and mentally and possibly even emotionally. Fabulous.

A thought suddenly occurred to me and I looked up. “Professor?”

“Yes?”

“If I’ll be doing all of these things, around what time will we get back to the castle? And what will my excuse be?”

“Ah. Very fine questions. I am not certain with what time you shall return, although I am entertaining the notion that you will encounter several ways to deal with time on Saturday, Miss Evans. As for your alibi, you are to tell your friends that you will be meeting with a representative from the Ministry of Magic in the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade regarding your future as a Ministry employee.”

I nodded. “Okay. Meeting with the Ministry, not sure what time I’ll get back… Got it,” I quietly repeated to myself. “Oh Professor, just one last thing. This is probably a really silly question and really stupid-”

“There is no such thing as a stupid question, my dear,” said Dumbledore kindly.

I smiled. “Right. Well, I was just wondering… What should I wear? I mean, I know that it’s trivial and all of me to ask, but I just want to give the right impression. So, do you know…?”

Dumbledore smiled and his blue eyes twinkled behind his glasses. “A perfectly legitimate question, Lily. I suggest that you wear something that you would wear when you, say, have lunch with your grandmother at that Muggle museum that I do enjoy so much. What is it called now? Dear me, I can’t seem to remember…”

“The Victoria and Albert?” I suggested, thinking of my best friend’s mum back home.

“Ah, yes, that’s the one. It was on the tip of my tongue. In any case, unless you have any other questions that you would like to ask me, I dare say that you are free to traverse the castle, as I know you are fond of doing.” Dumbledore slightly raised his eyebrows at me and drew his face into a politely quizzical facial expression.

“I believe that that’s it,” I said, smiling at my headmaster. Fawkes flew off of my knee and landed on its perch, allowing me to stand and gather my things. “Well, have a good afternoon, Professor.”

“And you as well, Lily. Feel free to stop by if you have any other concerns over any matter.”

“I will. Thank you, Professor,” I said, and left his office.

“Oh shit. What’s this week’s password again?” I mumbled, searching through my bag for the slip of parchment that the four common rooms’ passwords are written on. Ah, here it is. “Raspberries are razzy,” I said, and rolled my eyes at the Ravenclaw prefects’ idiocy. The passwords are always a bit more… colorful when the 5^th year Prefects are involved. The large statue slid to the side, revealing a hole that three people could walk through, shoulder-to-shoulder.

I stepped inside and looked around the mostly blue hued room for a certain blond boy.

“Lily! What are you doing here?” asked Julia, a fifth year Ravenclaw prefect.

“Oh, hi Julia,” I said. Speak of the devil… “Have you seen Nate recently or know where he is?”

“Yeah. He’s napping over on that couch by the windows. Anyway, I have to go but I’ll see you later,” said Julia.

“Alright. Thanks!” I said, and she bounced out of the common room, her blonde ponytail swinging as she went.

I ignored the looks that some of the younger Ravenclaws gave me and said hello to a couple of the older ones as I crossed the room to get to my boyfriend. As Julia said, he lay sprawled out on a couch buried under several blankets. I knelt down by his side and brushed his hair away from his face. “You poor thing,” I said quietly and kissed his forehead.

I stood up to leave, satisfied with my decision of dropping by and checking in on him. I’ll just leave the food that I picked up for him on my way over on the table and leave a note and I guess I’ll just see him…later. I hastily scribbled a note and attached it to the plate with a Sticking Charm.

“Lily?” said Nate’s voice.

“Hey love,” I said, turning around and sitting on the edge of the couch.

“What are you doing here?” he asked sleepily. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, which totally reminded me of James.

“Claire told us in the meeting today that you were sick, so I thought that I’d stop by and make sure that you’re okay. I also brought you some food from the kitchens on my way over,” I said, patting his knee.

Nate grinned and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m okay. Just a stomach bug. I must’ve eaten something dodgy at breakfast. I think that I might be better though, judging by the fact that I haven’t thrown up in two hours.”

I wrinkled my nose and swatted his arm. “You didn’t tell me that you went bulimic! I would’ve bought you like a portable toilet bowl or something.”

Nate rolled his eyes. “Anyway, have I told you that you’re the best girlfriend ever? Just look at that. You brought me some turtle cheesecake, a brioche, a couple of cookies and a brownie. You’re incredible!”

I grinned. “I try,” I said, and leaned back against the couch as he began to tuck in.

“How long can you stay?” he asked, looking at me over his shoulder.

“I don’t know. Maybe another like ten minutes?” I said, looking through a bunch of hair for split ends. “I haven’t started any of my homework yet.”

“What’ve you got? I can help you, if you like,” said Nate. “Cheesecake?”

“Yes please,” I said, and obediently opened my mouth when he brought the fork closer. He gently wiped the corner of my mouth with his fingers and I completely melted. I stared at him dreamily, admiring the way the room’s candles reflected in his wavy hair.

“So what do you say?”

“Hmm?”

“About your homework, love,” said Nate.

“Oh right. Yeah, I’d like that,” I said. “I have to write an essay for Defense on the heightened effects that midnight has on magic, an essay on the importance of memory charms, yet another Potions project and a couple of review questions for Transfiguration,” I said, ticking the assignments off on my fingers.

“Oh, that’s not too bad, is it?” said Nate, smiling. “Let’s take a look, then,” he said.

We both leaned back against the couch and I took my books out, enjoying the excitement that Nate brought to my would-have-been mundane day.

…
Who makes you feel the way that I make you feel
Who loves you and knows you the way I do
Who touches you and holds you quite like I do
Who makes you feel like I make you feel?
…

Chapter Eleven: Breathe
(Chapter’s Song: ‘World on Fire’ by Sarah McLachlan)

I blew my grown out fringe away from my face and glanced down at my notebook. Since I didn’t have any more classes for the rest of the day, I’d decided to pop down to the Great Hall for some afternoon tea while I caught up on some work. But of course, I ended up doing a free-association in my handy-dandy notebook, which led to writing something.

Colourful words, a piece of wood and a thirst for sports on broomstick

You think that you belong to a world of heritage and tradition

Everything you touch is infused with something so foreign yet so familiar:

Magic is everywhere you look, giving life and character and charisma

But then you go home and no one understands

There is no such thing as ghosts or talking portraits, poltergeists or moving staircases

So you sit on the fence, never quite belonging

In one world, you don’t have the ancestry

In the other, you feel bored and out of touch

Names and insults are flung and suddenly you’re a ‘freak’ or a ‘Mudblood’

You don’t understand why you’re hated

All you ever did was breathe

Hmm… A little more depressing than I thought that it’d be, but oh well. I twisted my torso, sighing in relief at the feeling of cracking bones.

I rested my chin on my palm, absentmindedly popping grapes into my mouth while I surveyed the scene in front of me: the Great Hall was scattered with small groups or lone persons from each house from both sixth and seventh year, busily studying or catching up with each other.

I watched a group of Ravenclaws with a bunch of Hufflepuffs mixed in working diligently, my friend Trent leading the group while his twin brother Troy made faces behind his back. Three Slytherins sat with their heads together on the opposite side of the hall, gesturing at a piece of parchment between them. And me, I’m the only sixth year Gryffindor, with the seventh year Alessandra Muvinoff sitting a couple of seats away from me, twisting a lock of her long dark hair around her finger while reading out of a large and altogether intimidating textbook.

The doors suddenly opened and large groups of people began coming into the Great Hall looking for some tea and an afternoon snack, signaling the end of the school day. I spotted Nate among the crowd looking harassed and thoroughly exhausted. His gaze swept over the students in the room before coming to rest on me. He smiled and began walking towards the Gryffindor table, dropping his bag at his feet and straddling the bench.

“Hi,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and looking more relaxed. He leaned forward and kissed me in greeting. I shifted on the bench and pressed myself closer to him, tangling my hands in his hair and sighing into his kiss.

He slowly pulled away and rested his forehead against mine, his hands dropping to a relaxed position around my waist. “Hey,” I said softly. “Are you okay? You seem a little stressed out and like you need a good massage or something.”

Nate smiled and nuzzled my neck. “I’m fine. I just had to deal with a bunch of lower year Hufflepuffs who thought that it’d be funny to make people magnetic if and when they entered the entrance hall. It was a mess of watches and belts and pieces of suits of god damn armor.”

I grinned. “What’d you do, O great and responsible Head Boy?”

“Gave them a couple of detentions each. Oh, and you’ll never guess what they said when I asked them what made them do it.”

“Enlighten me,” I said, pulling away to take a sip of my tea.

“They said that they were trying to be the next group of Marauders,” said Nate, with laughter in his eyes.

“Shut up!” I said. The tea that I had just sipped spilled out of my mouth in my haste to speak.

Nate grinned at me. “Lily, what am I ever going to do with you?” he said, wiping at my chin with his handkerchief.

“I don’t know. That entirely depends…”

“On what, pray tell?”

“On my behavior,” I said mischievously.

“Well I do believe that you’ve been bad. Very, very bad,” said Nate huskily. He brushed his lips ever so slightly against mine, but pulled away before I could deepen the kiss.

“You’re an arse,” I huffed, turning away from him. I crossed my legs and leaned forward on the table, resting my weight on my elbows.

“Lily-” laughed Nate.

“Oh my god, this day couldn’t have possibly gone by any slower,” said Kate, dropping her bag on the table and plopping down on the bench across from me.

I grinned. “Your own fault for deciding to continue with Ancient Runes. Kate!” I said, snatching her hand away from the teapot. “What the bloody fuck did you do with your hands? You’ve maimed yourself!”

“Oh tosh,” said Kate, waving her hand at me. “It was a lecture class and I got bored since I knew it all already, so I used my ink to paint my nails. I quite like it, actually, so piss off.”

“Someone’s in a bad mood,” said Nate lightly, taking my notebook out of my hands.

“Hey!” I said in protest.

“Not everyone’s so bloody happy,” mumbled Kate.

“’Not everyone’s so bloody happy’,” I mimicked obnoxiously.

Kate stuck her tongue out at me and I threw a roll at her face.

“Lily darling, is this how you really feel?” asked Nate, looking up from the pages.

“Oh,” I said softly. I blushed and busied myself by pretending to search for my quill in my bag. “Yeah, sometimes. It’s really not that important… Really Nate, think nothing of it, you don’t have to worry or anything, I’m not suicidal, you know… Just don’t mind it.”

Nate stared at me, flabbergasted.

“Oh, give it here,” said Kate, snatching my precious notebook out of my boyfriend’s hands.

“Lily, don’t take it the wrong way! I only meant that it’s… it’s good. You’ve conveyed so much feeling, so much emotion, it’s just… I can’t… Whoa. Kate,” he said, whirling around to face her. “Don’t you think that she should start some kind of…of literary magazine or something? It’d be brilliant. The writers of Hogwarts can emerge from their coffee-and-cigarette secret lairs and show off their stuff.”

“Are you mad?” I exclaimed. “There is no way that I have the time or the resources for any of that! And really, I’m not that good. Rubbish is all it is, really…”

Kate stared at me. “Bullocks, Lily. It’s great good stuff and you know it. I agree with Natie here, anyway. You should totally do it.”

“Yes! I can talk to Dumbledore and McGonagall about it, possibly help you get started, you know? We could post flyers and the like on the common room bulletin boards,” said Nate.

“It’s fantastic!”

I looked at my best friend and my boyfriend in utter disbelief. “The lot of you truly has gone mad,” I said, shaking my head. I took my notebook back and safely put it into my bag before anyone else took it and got some crazy notions into their grey matter.

“Oi, Alessandra!” called Nate.

“Oh my god, Nate shut up!” I said, my ears starting to burn.

“Lily!” squealed Kate quietly.

“Hullo,” said Alessandra, coming to sit down beside Kate. “What’s on your mind?”

“Er-” stammered Kate.

“Alessandra, don’t you think that Lily should start a literary magazine or something of the sort? Aren’t you ever curious to see what her and all of those others are always scribbling furiously at?” asked Nate, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

“It’s really nothing,” I muttered, shooting a glance at Kate for help.

Alessandra looked at me thoughtfully and I blushed. “You know Evans, Nate does have a point. Ever since Vance made a copy of that poem that you wrote about music, I’ve always wondered what hides in that notebook of yours,” she said slowly after careful scrutiny.

“Er, thank you,” I said.

“Thanks, Alessandra,” said Nate.

“No problem. Oh, and can you tell Chase to come and find me? He, er, left something,” said Alessandra.

Nate nodded. “Of course.”

“Right.” Alessandra got up and went back to her monstrosity of a textbook.

“See Lily?” said Nate triumphantly. “We’re not the only ones who think that you should do it.”

I sighed. “Fine, I’ll think about it. I guess that I’ll let you know… next week? Does that sound good? I just need some time to mull it over and sort it all out in my head.”

“Ford! I have been looking everywhere for you. Oh, hello. Evans, von Strassberg,” said Claire, striding up to the table.

Kate and I nodded in turn. “You,” said Claire, “and I have to write those stupid reports for the bloody newsletter. We’ve been putting it off for too long and now Dumbledore wants the rough drafts on his desk by six this evening.”

“Oh, right. Well, duty calls, I’ll see you two later. And Lily, please do consider it. Just think about how good it will look on your transcript,” he said. He kissed me hurriedly, tossed a good bye at Kate and ran after Claire.

“Ugh, he’s so evil! He knows that I can’t resist the transcript thing. Extra curriculars and leadership roles are always good,” I whined.

“Lily, come on. I need to talk to you. Outside the Great Hall,” said Kate, getting up.

I quickly grabbed two crumpets and followed Kate out of the room. Once we were halfway up the main staircase, we turned to each other and squealed.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe that Alessandra Muvinoff was talking to us! Us!” said Kate excitedly.

“I know!” I gushed. “God, why is she so pretty? It’s so not fair. Oh my god, Kavs, we are so weird.”

Kate shrugged. “It’s just a completely normal, completely harmless heterosexual girl-crush. People have them all the time. Of course, I’d totally jump her if I was a lesbian, but that’s beside the point.”

“We’re so bad,” I laughed, linking arms with Kate.

“Alright, I’m heading up to bed. I’m way too tired and all of the words are blurring together,” said Sophie, tossing all of her stuff haphazardly into her bag.

“What time is it?”

“Almost half-ten.”

“I’m actually going to go on up with you,” said Kate. “You know, Grace is probably doing coke lines in her dreams or something by now.”

“Where did that come from?” I asked, crossing something out in my essay.

Kate shrugged. “Just felt like saying it.”

“It’s probably just a secret fantasy of hers. You know, doing coke lines off of Seth’s washboard abs while he talks dirty to her,” said Georgie, wiggling her eyebrows.

“You’ve caught me red handed,” said Kate, sighing in mock defeat. “See you lot later.”

“Night,” chorused Georgie and I.

“Just remember, crack is whack and no glove, no love!” I called.

Kate snorted and gave me the finger over her shoulder.

“So,” I said, drawing out the syllable. “How’s Reade Harrowing, our favorite gorgeous Slytherin?”

“Lily, I slept with him,” said Georgie quickly, not meeting my eyes.

I dropped my quill while my brain tried to process this information. “Oh.” I furrowed my brow. “Georgie, what the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve only gone out with him once! And from what I saw at the Three Broomsticks on Saturday, it wasn’t exactly the happiest of dates.”

“Actually, I’ve- we’ve- er… Maybe-maybe you should, er, lean back a little, Lil. Heh, that sounds funny. A little… Lil. Lily, sorry, sorry, I know how you hate ‘Lil’. Ha,” said Georgie nervously.

I slammed back against the wall (bad, bad idea), folded my arms across my chest and looked at Georgie expectantly. “I hope that the next thing that comes out of your mouth doesn’t make you sound like a floozy.”

Georgie raised her eyebrows and then her eyes narrowed. “Lily, you have no right to say that. I haven’t told anyone yet and I wanted to tell you before anyone else.”

“Well then please, redeem yourself. No one’s holding you back,” I said a little coldly. Georgie and I both winced at the tone of my voice, but I didn’t apologize for it.

“Lily, Reade and I have been seeing each other for a little under a year.”

Well then. I opened my mouth in protest.

“No, wait. Before you say anything, just hear me out. Reade and I started hooking up around April of last year. It really just started out as snogging whenever we could, which is why I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t know where we were going with this relationship, so I didn’t want to say anything because a relationship might not have even existed. It was just, you know, a nice little benefit. And it was extra nice since I have that Slytherin fetish… Or bad boys in general, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, it started getting a little more serious towards the end of August and we decided to pretty much go public with it on Saturday. Anyway,” said Georgie nervously, “that’s my story.”

I nodded and looked down, thinking for a minute. I bit my lip and began twirling a piece of hair around my fingers. One of my best friends has been sneaking around with a boy, a Slytherin no less, for almost a year. And I had no bloody clue.

“Lily, please say something,” pleaded Georgie, taking my hand.

“Are you happy, G? And does Connor know anything about this? Emma?” I said, looking into her eyes.

She grinned and threw her arms around me. “Oh Lily, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had stormed off! But yes, I am happy. I mean, I’m pretty sure that we’re not in it for the long run, but I’m perfectly happy for right now, you know? And god, do you think that I’d tell Connor? He’ll go all crazy-protective-big-brother on Reade like he’s done for all of my other boyfriends. And Emmaline, no, I haven’t told her yet but I think that she suspects that I have a boyfriend, she just doesn’t know who.”

“And no one else knows about this except for you, me and Harrowing?”

“Erm,” squirmed Georgie, leaning against the wall next to me.

“Georgina?”

“Remus knows,” she mumbled.

“What? You told him before you told me or Kate?” I shrieked.

“Shut up,” she hissed. “Remus caught us snogging in the trophy room last May. I swore him to secrecy under penalty of castration and obviously, he’s kept his word.”

“When did this happen? I mean, when did you, er, you know…” I said.

“Sunday afternoon,” said Georgie, blushing prettily. “We were in the eastern tower together and with the rain coming down and everything, it was just so perfect and so romantic.”

I grinned and hugged her tightly. “G, I’m so happy for you! I honestly, truly am.”

Georgie grinned. “Thank you,” she said, and hugged me back. “Anyway, I’m going to head on upstairs. I just wanted to tell you.”

“Are you going to tell Kate? Or everyone else, for that matter? And come to think of it, I never saw you once on Sunday. Sneaky girl,” I said.

“Er, I’m going to tell Kate tomorrow, but I think that I’ll hold off a bit on the general announcement,” said Georgie.

“Alright. In the meantime, I won’t tell anyone, I promise. Oh, I’m so excited! Especially since Reade is like the only nice Slytherin. Not to mention god damn sexy. Oh, you’re such a hot couple!” I squealed, clapping my hands together. “Oooh, I can just see it now. The two of you will live in a huge castle in Ireland with your gorgeous dark-brown haired children running around wearing matching Asprey sailing outfits,” I said dreamily.

Georgie grinned. “G’night, you crazy buffoon.”

After Georgie left, I slowly stretched out my legs and winced when my knees cracked.

I sat on the floor in complete silence, just staring at my toes and the whales on my flip flops, thinking about Georgie and her sudden-but-not-really relationship. I’m not really sure how I feel about this new development. I mean, I’m most definitely happy that she’s happy and that she has a boyfriend, but I can’t help but worry that she’s going to get drastically hurt later on down the road. I know for a fact that Georgie doesn’t really handle rejection and pain that easily. I closed my eyes, remembering what happens whenever Georgie breaks up with a boyfriend, no matter who did it. There will always be the phase where she blames herself and is depressed (lasts for approximately a day), then there’s her gorging phase (2 hours of serious eating [zabaglione] that ends up with her violently throwing up exactly four times) and then it ends with Georgie denouncing boys for life and claiming to go lesbian, until she sees someone hot (Fabian Prewett) and goes back to her normal self. Kate and I are always torn between finding the cycle insanely hilarious or just downright insane.

“You know Lily, it’s really not a very good idea to sleep in the common room,” said a voice somewhere above my head.

I cracked an eye open and found all four Gryffindor sixth year boys standing above me. “I wasn’t sleeping. I was just thinking.”

“Sure you were,” said Peter brightly, sitting down on a chair nearby.

“Did you lot just come from the kitchens?” I asked, eyeing Peter’s sandwich hungrily.

“Sirius and I did. The other two were off at detention,” said Peter.

“Really?” I said, raising my eyebrows in disbelief. Remus and not Sirius? Interesting… “What for?”

“Throwing a book out of the Astronomy Tower,” said Remus.

“Teaching first years how to magically graffiti the walls,” said James.

“I’m not even going to ask…” I stood from my spot on the floor and then curled up in a red and squashy armchair, resting my head against the back.

“What’s with the hair, Lily?” asked Remus, eyeing the precarious knot that it’s been in all day.

I rolled my eyes. “I ran out of conditioner yesterday and forgot to replace it, so I wasn’t able to brush my hair without severe pain. I ended up putting it into a bun to just do away with it all. Sometimes, I really just want to shave my head and be done with it.”

“I tried that once,” said Peter sympathetically. “Then I realized that I didn’t like the shape of my head at all and that I looked like a gypsy, so I charmed my hair back.”

I frowned. “We don’t have gypsies in England.”

“Wizarding gypsies. They’re creepy things, really. Short, deathly pale, bald with round heads and huge eyes that have no whites in them,” said James. “What are you doing down here?”

I shuddered at the image in my mind. “Hm? Oh, I was doing homework with the girls, but they all ditched me for sleep.”

“Well, I’m going to follow that notion. Sinistra wants me up there again to scrub the windows before breakfast. I swear, she just keeps me up there to ‘discretely’ watch me clean,” said Remus, getting up and stretching.

“I heard that someone caught her snogging pretty boy Diggory in the Library, so I wouldn’t be surprised,” said Sirius.

I shook my head. “No, that was Vector.”

“Since when did the Hogwarts professors get so lascivious?” asked Peter.

“Big word, Pete,” said James, earning a shrug from Peter.

“No idea. But I definitely wouldn’t turn down a snog if Knight asked me,” I said dreamily.

“Lily, he must be twice your age!” said Remus, wrinkling his nose.

“Oh please. He’s a sexy old man. Everyone knows it. Now, away with you!”

“As you wish, my lady,” said Remus, bowing.

“You really think that Professor Knight’s attractive?” asked Sirius.

“Oh yeah. Definitely. He’s got to be what, in his late 30s? Early 40s? From what I can tell, he isn’t flabby and gross like most men his age and you can totally tell that he was a looker when he was younger.”

“Come to think of it, I do believe that I’ve seen him in the training room when we have Quidditch practices in there for strength building,” said James, propping his feet up on Sirius’s lap.

“Pete, can I have a bite of that?” asked Sirius, holding his hand out.

“Here, you can finish it. I’ve still got those Transfiguration questions to do,” said Peter. “Oh bugger, I have two pages of Arithmancy to complete as well. I really don’t know why I bother doing the work, it’s not like they check up on it anyway.”

“Minnie’s assignment was a piece of cake. You’ll breeze right through it, Wormtail,” said James, slapping Peter on the back.

“And you can always go down on Vector if you need to,” said Sirius evilly.

Peter laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind. It might come in handy at one point… Good night then.”

“Night,” we chorused.

I languidly situated myself more comfortably in the chair and stared out the window, watching the clouds. I now have three and a half days until the meeting that could potentially change my life and I still have no idea about what’s going to happen during it or what’s going to happen to me after I walk out of that building. Or rundown and decrepit log cabin or something. I swear, all of the really important wizarding buildings are disguised as shitty hole-in-the-walls to keep the occasional Muggle out. You know, I just thought of something. Since Hogwarts has a million spells cast on it to keep it from being detected or plotted or seen by Muggles, what are Daddy and Gran supposed to do during graduation next year? Or all of the Muggle families, for that matter? Hmmm, I must ask Dumbledore about it when I get the chance.

Anyway, what about that literary magazine idea? I’m not gonna lie—it does have its benefits and I won’t have to write everything. Just…edit and manage it. Plus it would look really good on my résumé. I mean, I know that I pretty much already have a job lined up for when I graduate, but just incase… It never hurts, you know? And besides, it’ll be fun. I’ll get to talk to people that I probably wouldn’t normally talk to and the writers of the school would get a chance to show off their work. Really, it’s a win-win situation. Nate’s brilliant.

“Let’s go outside!” said James all of a sudden.

“Eh?”

“Yeah, we could go on the roof of the tower,” agreed Sirius.

“There’s a roof for the tower?” I repeated.

“Of course,” said James. He and Sirius walked over to my chair and pulled me up. “Come, come! It’ll be fun.”

I scrunched my face up. “But it’s cold outside. And I’m too tired. And lazy. And did I mention cold?” I whined as the boys dragged me over to a bookshelf.

“Lily my dear, please don’t make that face. It might just get stuck,” said Sirius distractedly. He pulled three specific books about 4 centimeters towards him and stepped back. The bookcase slid aside to reveal a narrow staircase and he grinned at me. “Ladies first.”

“How the hell did you figure out how to do this?” I asked, beginning the ascent.

“A Marauder must always have his secrets,” said James. “Classified information.”

I rolled my eyes. “I see. And just so you know, I’m only going to stay out until half-twelve, the latest. After that, I’m going to bed.”

“Just start walking, Evans,” said James.

I looked up ahead of me and was discouraged at the seemingly endless amount of stairs. The only hint of an exit in the dimly lit corridor was the constant draft that fluttered our hair and the faint sound of wind whistling through the trees in the distance.

There’s something about this stairwell that’s eerie and romantic. Just imagine the late night rendezvous that must have taken place here or someone who must have had to use these stairs to escape in some untold story of Hogwarts’s timeless history. Faint footprints in the thin layer of dust were visible in the muted lighting which came from somewhere far above our heads. I wonder who they belong to. James, perhaps? He seems like the type who would go to this rooftop haven during an insomnia-filled night.

At last, a thin and weathered wooden door came into my line of vision just as my legs started cramping from the long climb. Never underestimate the heights of Hogwarts’s towers. “This is the door, right?” I asked over my shoulder.

James, who was behind me, nodded as he brushed his fringe out of his eyes. “Are you ready? I think that you’ll enjoy what you find. I have a feeling that it will become something of a sanctuary to you,” he said, and smiled at me.

The corners of my lips rose and I turned back around to face the door. I twisted the ornate copper handle and pushed the scratched, old wooden door open to reveal a circular space with several wooden lawn chairs situated around a low table made of the same material. I walked further into the rooftop and my breath caught in my throat. I had a 360-degree panoramic view of the grounds of Hogwarts at my disposal. The hazy outlines of the Scottish mountains could be seen on the horizon as well as the country’s rolling and lush green hills. And if you look closely, just right there, you could see the twinkling lights of Hogsmeade. I sat down in one of the chairs and stared up at the sky. If the clouds weren’t there, the velvety black sky would’ve been dotted and scarred with stars that told stories of the past, present and future. I hugged myself and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply.

“How do you like it?” asked Sirius.

“It’s perfect,” I breathed, my lips curving up into the smile that I use whenever I see something especially pleasing. I opened my eyes and saw that James and Sirius had transfigured their handkerchiefs into fleece blankets and wrapped themselves in them. I accepted the blanket that Sirius held out to me and changed the material into a buttery cashmere before wrapping it around my shoulders.

“We, well, Remus discovered this place back in third year, but we don’t really come up here that often. It’s too risky to get to the entrance during the day since there are usually so many people around the common room. But sometimes I like to come up here at night, you know? Just to appreciate nature and all that stuff,” said James.

“I had a feeling that you would be the one to visit more than the others,” I said.

“What makes you say that?” asked James.

I shrugged. “I just get this feeling that there’s more to you than you let on. There’s something about you that’s poetic and inspiring, and I feel like you going to a place like this recharges those qualities. This place has a quiet vibrancy, which sometimes I can see in you.”

I looked at James and lost myself in his eyes again. They shone with life and energy tonight, almost glowing in the darkness. Blue flirted with green and swirled around gold in his irises, always changing and never staying still. Just like James, his eyes were always alive and alight and deep and mysterious all at once.

“Guys mind if I smoke?” ask Sirius, breaking the spell.

James and I turned our heads to Sirius, who held up his pack. “No, go ahead. But only one, Padfoot,” warned James.

“Yes, mother,” said Sirius, rolling his eyes. He cupped his hand around the small flame of his freshly lit match and concentrated on lighting the end of his cigarette.

“So James, tell me about your family. I know nothing about them,” I said, leaning back into the chair.

James shrugged. “Nothing really to say. Both of my parents work in the Ministry. My dad is an officer in the Department of International Magical Cooperation and my mum works in Magical Law Enforcement, but she works pretty closely with my dad’s department, so they usually end up working on the same case.”

“And you don’t have any siblings?” I asked.

James and Sirius shared a glance. “You’re looking at him,” said Sirius, grinning.

I grinned. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I really would think that the two of you are brothers. It’s really hard to imagine one of you without the other. And you know, James, I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like at your house if there were two of you. God, can you just imagine that? It’d be utter chaos.”

“Er,” said James quietly. He looked at Sirius again and ran his hand through his hair.

I narrowed my eyes. “Is there something that you’re not telling me?” I asked, immediately recognizing James’s sign of discomfort.

“Tell her, Prongs. She’s going to find out one way or another,” said Sirius, when James looked at him again.

“James?” I prompted, looking from one boy to the other.

“There were two of us running around my house when we were little,” confessed James, ruffling his hair again. He gaze wandered to the mountains in the distance and he opened his mouth again. “His name was Logan. He was three years younger than me,” he said quietly.

I wordlessly went to sit next to James and comfortingly patted his knee.

“Logan was my best mate, until I met Sirius,” he continued. The misty look in his eyes told me that he was off reliving the past and sharing a part of him with me. “His very first word was ‘Jam,’ which was his name for me. My parents thought that he was talking about raspberry preserves or something, but Logan always tugged on my hair whenever he said it. We got into all sorts of trouble together, the two of us. We had this Kneazle, it was white and orange and was given to Logan as a present when he was born. I named her Kneazy when I was around 4 since Logan obviously couldn’t talk yet when we got her. Anyway, Kneazy, Logan and I used to explore our house during every waking minute. I had to carry Logan around at first since Mum didn’t want him to be crawling all over the house, but she wanted us to bond and learn together, so she always had us bring a house-elf wherever we went. There was this one time when Logan was 3 and he had put Kneazy into this crystal vase that my mum has in her office. Kneazy went in easily but then she couldn’t get out and we spent the entire day walking around with Kneazy in the vase and holding things up to the crystal so that she could see whatever we found.

“Then, one day, I went into the nursery to wake Logan up and show him the toy broomstick that my dad had gotten for me, but he wouldn’t wake up. I shook him and yelled into his ear and begged him to wake up, but he never moved. My mum found me ten minutes later crying in Logan’s bed, with my little brother’s icy hand clenched in mine. I was six years old and he was only three, about to turn four,” said James. Now Sirius was on his other side and put his arm around James’s shoulders.

“The damn Healers never found the heart murmur that he was apparently born with. He died because of those fucking doctors who couldn’t do their fucking jobs properly,” said James bitterly, his hands clenching into fists in his lap.

“Oh James, I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I leaned over and hugged him tightly, letting him know that I understand exactly how he must’ve felt. After all, I did lose someone that I love dearly too.

I felt a brief tingle when my hands touched the bare skin of his neck, and suddenly an image of two little boys running across a garden flashed through my mind. Suddenly, I remembered that night when James was in my room and I saw those images… They must’ve been James’s memories. How the fuck did I do that? And most importantly, how did I forget that it happened?

James squeezed me back and then reached out and brought Sirius into the hug as well. “The two of you are the only ones who know about Logan in all of Hogwarts. Save some of the professors and Dumbledore, of course. I guess you can say that it’s my deepest and darkest secret.”

“Well, I’d like to believe that all of us are trustworthy and can keep a secret,” said Sirius lightly. “Should we go around, then?”

James and I shrugged. “Go ahead,” I said.

Sirius’s face flushed and he tossed a lazy grin at James. “Prongs, you’re going to murder me…”

James smiled wryly. “I’m sure that you’ve done worse, whatever it is.”

“Well,” said Sirius, scratching the back of his neck. “Sometime around third and fourth year, I fancied Mummy P something awful.”

“You bastard,” laughed James. “That’s disgusting.”

Sirius shrugged and flicked his fag over the edge of the tower. “What can I say? She’s a beautiful woman. And when you’re thirteen and you’ve just discovered the opposite sex and there’s this hot mum in front of you, what are you gonna do?”

“Wait, hold on a tick. I’m confused. Who’s Mummy P?” I asked.

“It’s what Sirius calls my mother,” said James, rolling his eyes.

My mouth dropped open and then I let out a loud giggle. “Shut up! Sirius, you’re such a horny little fuck,” I laughed. “Talk about an Oedipus complex…”

“Alright, Lily. Cough it up. What’s your dirty little secret?” asked Sirius, fighting off James’s playful punches.

I stood up and walked to the edge of the roof, facing the surrounding grounds. “I have to say, it’s going to put a damper on the mood,” I said, turning around and leaning against the stone.

James shrugged. “What does Perfect Prefect Lily have to hide?”

I scowled. “First of all, never ever call me that again or I will make sure that you will never have children. Either that, or I’ll make you swear your firstborn child to me. Anyway,” I said, relaxing, “both of you know that my mum died when I was thirteen. Even though a lot of time has passed since then and I’ve come to terms with her death, I still miss her a lot.”

“I miss my brother and I barely knew him,” said James.

“Right,” I said quietly and began to fidget with a loose strand of hair. “I find that sometimes, when I’m upset or confused or angry or something, I write letters to my mum. I know that it sounds really pathetic and stupid and everything, but it makes me feel like my mum will always be there for me, just like she promised…”

“No, not stupid in the least,” breathed Sirius. “What do you… What do you do with them?” he asked tentatively.

I shrugged. “I keep them all in a box in my trunk.”

Sirius nodded. “Well, I think that it’s cool. I can’t say that I know what it’s like to lose a parent since I never really had proper parents to begin with, but I feel like if any of James’s parents died… I don’t know, I think that I would feel it as much as he did.”

“Anyway, it’s really not that big of a deal or that much of a secret. Kate knows and my friend Vittoria from back home knows about it as well. I guess it’s kind of like my way of keeping a journal during the bumpy times, hm?” I said.

“Prongs, you okay, mate? You’ve been quiet,” said Sirius, looking over at his friend.

“I’m all right,” said James. He had a dazed look on his face, as if he just thought of something that he couldn’t let go of. “Just thinking. Listen, I’m going to head down to bed. Wake me up in the morning, will you?”

Sirius nodded. “G’night, then.”

James walked over to me and wrapped his blanket around my shoulders. “Keep this. You’ll probably need two to keep you warm,” he whispered in my ear.

I shivered and wrapped the two blankets more tightly around me. “Thanks,” I said.

“Blimey Lily! How tall are you?” asked Sirius, his eyes scanning me and James’s profiles.

“I don’t know. Like 5’9 or 5’10,” I said. I looked at James and raised an eyebrow. “Fancy that. I come right up to your nose. How tall are you?”

“6’3,” said James.

I let out a low whistle. “Sirius?”

“6’2.”

“Damn. We’re all giants up here, aren’t we? It’s hard to find boys who I can wear heels around. Flats take all the fun out of dressing up,” I said.

“That all went way over my head, but I trust that it made sense. Kisses and hugs all around,” said James in a high falsetto, fluttering his eyelashes.

James clapped Sirius on the back as he passed and exited the roof.

Sirius and I went back to our original chairs and sat quietly, him pensively puffing away at a new cigarette while I stared up at the sky.

“When do you think the storm’s going to break?” I asked.

“Sometime very soon. The wind completely died a couple of minutes ago. Calm before the storm,” said Sirius. “So my love, my heart, my petal. How are you? We haven’t been able to talk properly.”

I shrugged. “Nothing new, really. Although earlier today Nate suggested that I start a literary magazine type thing, which I’m actually considering.”

“Ah,” said Sirius. “Nathaniel Ford. How is the dashing young lad?”

“Good, I guess? We’re both busy people you know, him being Head Boy and all. And then with the two of us being in different years and different houses, it makes it harder for us to find time. But between all of the shit and everything, I’d say that we’re doing pretty well.”

Sirius nodded. “That’s good.” He nodded again and then looked at me shiftily.

I raised an eyebrow. “Sirius?”

“Okay Lily, don’t take this the wrong way, but what exactly are you doing with James, hm? You’re always flirting with him, but then you push him away. Then you bring him back to you, but then run off to your boyfriend. James is the best friend and only family that I’ve ever had and I need you to know that if you fuck him up, I’ll have your head. You think I’m joking, but I’m being completely honest,” said Sirius, with a completely serious look on his face.

I blushed and looked down at my hands. “I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I mean, I don’t really have any intentions of pursuing him. I have a boyfriend and all. But, I don’t know. I’m just naturally a flirt. I flirt with everyone. I just never really thought about it that much,” I said, shrugging.

“Just… Just be careful around him, okay? It may not seem like it, but Prongs is sensitive and he takes matters of the heart quite seriously.”

I nodded. “Point taken. And while we’re on the subject of our love lives, how come I haven’t seen you with a pretty girl recently?”

Sirius let out a bark of a laugh and regally sprawled himself across the lawn chair. “To be completely honest, I’m getting tired of the whole snog-everyone-you-can routine. It’s starting to become really weirdly warped and almost incest… But only in the way that I’ve already been…engaged with every girl that I would ever consider romantically, so it starts to get a bit repetitive, you know? Hogwarts really isn’t that big, when you think about it.”

“But do you have anyone in mind? What type of girl are you into? Oh my god! Can I set you up with someone? Oh my god, this is the best idea ever, you have to let me hook you up,” I said, sitting excitedly on the edge of my seat as the girly-girl within me ran rampant.

Sirius sighed dramatically. “If you must.”

“Okay. Tell me everything. What do you look for in a girl? Out of everyone in our year, who do you think is the prettiest? And no, that isn’t a double-edged question. What do you typically do on a first date?” I asked, getting ready to take mental notes.

“You sound like a tacky dating game host, Lily,” said Sirius. “But anyway. What do I look for in a girl… I don’t know. I guess that as long as she’s open-minded, willing to have a good time and not hung up on pureblood supremacy, then I’d love to talk to her.”

“Right, right,” I said, leaning back into my chair and doing a quick personality profile of all of the girls that I know.

“As for the prettiest, I think that Georgie is one of the most beautiful girls in our class. Didn’t she model at one point? But anyway, before you get any ideas in that head of yours, I wouldn’t dream of dating her. Her brother would kill me, first of all. And second, we’re related on our dad’s sides, so that would be disgusting.”

I nodded. Georgie is one of the most beautiful people that I know. She reminds me of my friend Vittoria… Both have long dark hair, tanned skin, impossibly long legs, and healthily thin. There’s also the exotic look that they have, what with Vittoria being Italian and Georgie’s mother being half-Spanish. “And on your first date?”

“It depends on the girl, really. I don’t have one specific routine or something. It always changes. Sometimes you know, it could just be a nice little picnic somewhere on the grounds, or a casual dinner in an old chamber, or a day out at Hogsmeade,” Sirius shrugged. “Like I said. It all depends on the girl.”

I nodded and looked at Sirius, studying him properly. He moved with grace and authority, as if he had all the time in the world. Every movement was executed perfectly, with never any room for error. I rested my chin in my hand. Sirius is one great big, well-bred mystery. Finding the perfect girl for him will be one hell of a challenge.

“So. Do you have any girls in mind?” asked Sirius, looking at me through half-open eyes.

I shook my head. “Nope. Not yet. Give me a day or two to think about it. I also need to ask you some more questions.”

All of a sudden and utterly without warning, the sky broke and rain began driving down in sheets.

“Eeeek!” I squealed and ran for the door, bringing my blankets with me.

Sirius laughed and ran after me, shutting the door behind him. “Told you. Calm before the storm.”

“I’m all wet now,” I pouted, shaking out me and James’s blankets to get the water out of them.

“And they call you the Mistress of Charms,” scoffed Sirius, following me down the stairs.

“Shut it, you,” I said playfully, turning around and grinning at him. “See look! I told you that I’m a flirt! It’s seriously in my nature. I just can’t help it.”

“Or maybe it’s just because I’m too damn sexy, eh?” said Sirius, running his hand through his hair.

I rolled my eyes. “That was very Potter of you,” I said.

Sirius shrugged. “Habits get picked up easily.”

“I can see that,” I said, and stepped into the warm and toasty common room. “Alright, lover. I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

“Indeed,” said Sirius, gathering miscellaneous objects from piles around the common room. “Good night, Lily.”

“Good night Sirius,” I said, halfway up the stairs.

I tip toed into my room and quietly closed the door behind me. Someone left the bathroom light open and the door slightly ajar, washing the room in a soft golden glow.

“Lily?” whispered Kate groggily.

“Yeah, Kavs?”

“What time is it?” she asked hoarsely.

“It’s a little after 12. Go back to sleep,” I said.

Kate rolled over in her bed and I climbed into mine, closing the curtains around my bed. I settled my two new blankets on top of my bedspread and snuggled under them, inhaling the scent of James’s blanket.

It was a purely boy smell, a mix of sweat, the Quidditch pitch, Italian aftershave and soap. I pulled James’s blanket under my covers and snuggled against its soft warmth, comforted and eased into sleep with its homey smell.

…..
Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You’re not alone in this story’s pages
The light has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I’ll try to hold it in, yeah I’ll try to hold it in
…..

Chapter Twelve: Family Ties
(Chapter’s Song: ‘I’ll Be There For You’ by The Rembrandts)

“Lee, come on! Everyone else already left,” called Kate.

“I’m coming! Just give me a minute,” I called back. I clipped my barrette into my hair and smiled at my reflection. Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. It’s going to be one of those days where you feel gorgeous and glamorous and intelligent and like you don’t have a care in the world. You have a meeting that could potentially change your life in three days, but that doesn’t matter. Because today is one of those days where you refuse to change into your pajamas because for once, your clothes fit you perfectly. It’s one of those days where you fall asleep with a smile on your face, all of your homework done, and the prospect of something exciting on the horizon.

I slung my bag over my shoulder on my way out of the bathroom and grinned at Kate. “Shall we?” I said, looping my arm through hers.

“Someone’s chipper today,” said Kate as we went down the stairs. “Does it have anything to do with coming in last night past midnight?”

I grinned and thought about my conversation with Sirius. “Maybe.”

Yep. Today is definitely going to be a good day.

***

“Hello, Professor Knight,” I said gaily, waltzing into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

“Do you know why she’s been in a disturbingly good mood all day, professor?” asked Remus, coming in behind me.

“Sorry, Remus. I haven’t seen Lily until now. Good afternoon, James, Sirius,” said Knight. Unlike the other teachers, Professor Knight stands outside the room before class, greeting people and checking them off on his roster as they pass him. Also, unlike other teachers, Professor Aiden Knight calls his students by their first names.

“You’ve been in a disturbingly good mood all day,” said Remus, choosing a seat two rows away from mine.

“I know! It’s bloody ridiculous,” said Kate next to me, leaning backwards in her chair to address him.

“I think she got a shag last night,” said Sirius wickedly, his eyes glinting.

James snorted. “Unless it was you, which I know it wasn’t, then I think that Lily has her own reasons, am I right or am I right?”

I lazily smiled at James. “You’re just jealous, aren’t you Potter? Sirius is just so manly and sexy and I just love it when he runs his teeth over my neck,” I said, pulling Sirius to me by his tie.

“Why Lily, I never knew that I turned you on, so,” said Sirius, sitting on my lap and combing his fingers through my hair.

Kate giggled. “You lot are all loony.”

“Settle down please, I’d like to begin the lesson,” said Knight, striding into the room, the door swinging shut behind him. “We’re not going to do much today. Just practical revision for your test on Friday, incase any of you have forgotten. So please-”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, Professor!” said Georgie, running into the classroom with a whoosh! of the door closing. Her long curtain of dark brown hair billowed around her as she literally fell into a seat next to Severus Snape who gave her a look of absolute disdain.

“How nice of you to join us, Georgina. As I was saying, please find a partner and practice the silent curses and counter curses that we have studied since the beginning of the month,” said Knight, leaving us to partner up.

“Lilia!” hissed Sirius in a loud whisper.

I nodded. “Kate, do you mind partnering with someone else today? Sirius and I have a bit of business to take care of.”

Kate shrugged. “Not at all. Oi, Potter! What do you say? Partners today? It seems as though our best mates have ditched us for each other.”

“Bloody traitors,” said James, bringing his stuff over to my seat.

“That’s what I’m told by my dear old mum,” said Sirius gaily. “Come, Lilia. We have much work ahead of us.”

I dropped my bag by the foot of the table and raised an eyebrow at Sirius. “Where did this ‘Lilia’ come from?”

“The genius that I like to call my mind,” said Sirius, twirling his wand between his fingers.

“Alright,” I said, pulling my wand out of my bag’s inner pocket. “Let’s get to work, shall we?” I thought of a curse and spun my wand.

“Take that! Ha, ha!” said Sirius, deflecting my curse and sending another one at me.

“Okay, this is going to sound like a completely cliché question, but tell me about your childhood. You know, for my matchmaking purposes,” I said, my wand twirling and flicking as I sent hexes and curses and Sirius.

“The good or the bad?” Sirius jabbed his wand at me.

I shrugged. “Tell me the good first. Then do the bad later.” I brought my wand down in a slashing manner and sent a hex at Sirius.

“Well, when I was a wee lad, my father and I used to be close. Ah, bloody fuck, Lily! That hurt!” said Sirius, grabbing his ears because he hadn’t blocked or ducked my curse.

I flicked my wand to make the roaring sound in his ears stop. “Sorry. Go on.”

“Anyway, we used to go on these father-son bonding mini-break type things. You know, go to the country together to hunt or ride or summat. I was around 5 or so then. I was never particularly close to my mother. I remember always watching her getting ready for her stupid parties almost everyday, watching her put her glittering jewels around her neck and in her ears and on her wrists or what have you. I’ve always felt like she was off-limits. She was untouchable. The only things that I can remember about that woman from my early childhood are the scent of expensive French perfume, colourful silk scarves and a lot of long, dark hair, but she never carried me or hugged me. She always shoved my brother, Regulus and I off on our nannies and always made a great big fuss if we touched her. Like we’d give her happy cooties,” scoffed Sirius, flicking his wand aggressively.

I ducked and Sirius’s curse hit the wall behind me, blasting a crater in it. “Angry much?”

“You have no idea,” said Sirius darkly. “Neurotae! Sentimo! Visardo!”

I dodged each curse quickly and turned around to see three more craters blasted into the stone wall behind me.

“How are we doing today?” asked Professor Knight, coming around to our group.

“Pretty well,” I said, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Sirius here’s really getting into it. Look at the wall,” I said, stepping aside to show Sirius’s spells.

Knight raised his eyebrows. “Nice work, Sirius. Fifteen points to Gryffindor. I like your exuberance.”

“Thanks professor,” said Sirius, sounding surprised. He gave me a shocked look and I grinned back at him.

“Lily. May I ask what is on your feet?” said Knight, looking at my feet disdainfully.

Sirius and I both looked down at my colourful Wellingtons. “Pucci, professor?” I said innocently.

“You’re not in uniform,” he said, not buying the act.

“But professor, it’s the last period of the day! And it’s pouring outside, sir,” I said, offering my you-know-you-love-me teacher smile.

“Dress code is dress code, Lily. No matter what time of day. And as you are a Prefect for Gryffindor House, I will have to dock some points if you don’t change,” he said.

I sighed. “If you insist,” I said, and flicked my wand, replacing my rain boots with a pair of soft pink leather ballet flats that Gran sent me yesterday.

“Much better,” said Knight and walked away.

“Much better,” I mimicked, rolling my eyes. “Uptight bastard.”

Sirius laughed. “I’m surprised that McGonagall didn’t call you on your boots.”

“Because it really doesn’t matter!” I said, crossing my arms. I lifted my foot and looked at them. “However, I’m not gonna lie, I really do like these shoes. Thanks Gran,” I said, and pointed my feet. “Wow, they’re actually as flexible as real ballet slippers.” I put my feet into fifth position, did a plié, an arabesque and then three pirouettes, my hair flying around me as I spun.

“I didn’t know that you dance,” said Sirius.

“Danced,” I corrected sadly. “I used to do ballet really seriously. I studied at the Royal Ballet School since I was 3, but then I had to stop because of Hogwarts. Bet you didn’t know that, did you?” I said, extending into second position and bending into a grande plié.

“Do you wish that you could’ve become a ballerina?” asked Sirius, cuffing his sleeves.

I shrugged and fixed my skirt. “Sometimes. When I was little, I had these dreams of becoming a prima ballerina while somehow maintaining a career as a touring concert pianist,” I said, laughing. “What about you? Dance any?”

Sirius laughed. “Other than dancing at parties, no, not really. Although when I was younger, my mum made me go to dancing school when I was home from Hogwarts for the summer. You know, learn the fox trot, waltz, swing, etc.”

“Oh my god! I had to do that too! Where did you go? I was at Knickerbocker,” I said giddily.

“I don’t know. Some wizard place in Bath,” said Sirius, shrugging. “So. Concert pianist, eh? Ballerina? What else did you do as a child?”

“You don’t want to know… I had something to do every day after school. My parents made sure that I was a well-rounded and perfectly mannered English young lady. I had my ballet lessons Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday afternoons, piano lessons every Tuesday, art class Saturday mornings and riding lessons on Thursday. Sundays were the days when I had time to breathe. That’s why I still like to keep my Sundays open.”

Sirius let out a low whistle. “And I thought that I had it bad as a little bloke. I had Quidditch and flying lessons, riding, French and German tutors, polo training, and cello.”

“You play the cello?” I asked, giggling.

“Yes. I actually liked it for a time. I was rather good, if I may say so myself,” said Sirius.

“Sirius, Lily, I don’t see any spells being cast!” called Professor Knight from across the room.

I rolled my eyes. “Makes me change my shoes and then do work… Madness…” I twirled my wand with an unnecessary flourish to make sure that Knight saw us working.

“Argh!” said Sirius, clutching his nose and falling to a seated position on the floor. “I wasn’t ready!”

“Oh god!” I said, rushing over to kneel beside him. “Merlin, I am so sorry! Here,” I said, offering him a tissue that I’d Summoned.

Sirius moved his hand to stem the steady flow of blood with the proffered tissue.

“Maybe you’d want another…” I said warily, handing him the box and edging away slightly to prevent any blood spatters on my new shoes.

“This is bloody disgusting,” he said, his nose clogged.

I giggled. “You sound ridiculous. Here, move your hand. Wait, no! Don’t move the tissues, you arse. Just shift your hand over bit, no a little more, that’s the ticket. Alright.” I gently tapped the bridge of his nose with my wand.

Sirius and I watched the tip of my wand glow a faint green, Sirius going cross-eyed. “Did I do it?” I asked.

“I think so,” said Sirius, slowly lowering his hands from his face. “Yep! You did it. You just might have a career as a Healer, Lilia.”

“Yes!” I said, pumping my fist into the air. I looked down at Sirius again and then burst out laughing. “Siri, you look absolutely disgusting,” I giggled.

Sirius had blood all over his nose and chin, and his pristine white shirt had some flecks of dark red on it.

“Everything all right, here?” asked Knight, standing over us.

I looked up at him from the floor. “Crisis diverged, professor. All taken care of.”

“Sirius, do you need to go to Madam Pomfrey?”

“Tosh, professor. Only a flesh wound! Besides, Lilia here patched me up, nice and tidy. I shall bear these marks of blood for the rest of the day, a memento of our glorious battle. The stains shall be war wounds, if you will,” said Sirius.

“Right. Class is dismissed,” said Knight.

“Excellent! Cheerio, professor,” I said giddily, pulling Sirius up with me.

“Oh and Sirius?” said Knight, turning back around.

“Yes, professor?” asked Sirius, turning his bloodstained face back to our teacher.

“Do wash your face. It is most unappealing,” said Knight.

“Methinks our teacher is a bit squeamish!” I said, putting my bag on my shoulder and following Sirius out the door.

“Methinks que tu as raison, ma cherie,” said Sirius.

“Evans!”

Sirius and I both turned around and saw Reade Harrowing leaning against the wall outside the classroom.

“Oh, hello!” I said.

“Is Georgie on her way out?” he asked. “Bloody hell, Sirius! What’d you do to your face?”

“Lilia hit me with a curse when I wasn’t ready. War wound. Brilliant, eh?” he grinned, clapping Reade on the back.

“I’m right here,” said Georgie, exiting the classroom and kissing Reade on the cheek. “Look at you! You’re so sweet. Want to go and get some tea? I’m a bit parched,” she said, grinning from ear to ear.

I smiled at them, extraordinarily giddy with the way that these two are acting around each other. It’s so sweet.

“Alright. I’ll see you two around, yeah? And Sirius, we need to discuss some more polo strategies,” said Reade.

“Righto.”

“Black, don’t forget to clean your face!” called Georgie as she and Reade walked down the corridor.

“Good man, Reade,” said Sirius, nodding approvingly.

I raised my eyebrows and threaded my arm through Sirius’s, walking with him in the direction of the Sixth and Seventh years’ lounge. “He must be if you of all people is trusting a Slytherin. What’s the story?”

“He’s a rare product in the pureblood society. Reminds me of James, actually. Both of them are purebloods, but their parents aren’t like mine. Or at least, not like my mum. It might be because their families aren’t as old as mine. Anyway, we took our polo lessons at the same place and sometimes our instructors had us play each other. We’ve been friends since were around 8,” explained Sirius.

“I see,” I said. “You know, I can kind of relate to your pureblood thing. My family’s kind of like yours actually. You know, really old and purely English. Every single relative of mine has been purely English. My oldest recorded ancestor was a member of King Charles I’s court. Anyway, as a result, my sister and I have to uphold certain expectations and stuff. For example, I’m supposed to host my cotillion in like two years.”

“And coming to Hogwarts didn’t botch any of that?” asked Sirius, surprised.

I shrugged. “It did a little. I mean, I didn’t get to chair as many charity functions as my friend Vittoria has, but I’ve still done a fair share. Anyway, I’ve paid my dues, so I’m hoping to persuade my Gran out of having to do the stupid cotillion. I’m going to Vitt’s in the spring anyway, so that should count for something.”

“Well aren’t you just a martyr of society?” said Sirius, pinching my cheek.

“Eurgh, gross! I probably have your blood smeared on my face now, Siri,” I said, scrunching my face up and wrinkling my nose.

“Be a man! Suck it up,” said Sirius, whacking me on the back.

“Christ,” I said, stumbling forward a couple of steps. “I’m not a bloody Bludger. Now I’m probably going to have a massive Sirius-sized bruise on my back tomorrow,” I said, rubbing the sore spot.

“Nah, you’ll be fine. ’81 is loads of fun but ’82 is better than you’,” said Sirius.

A corner of the tapestry that covered the entrance to the sixth and seventh years’ lounge curled up and the door behind it swung into the room, granting us access. Every other week, the sixth years get to change the password and this happens to be our week.

The majority of the upper classmen was in the large room, either sitting in groups around tables or off to the study rooms adjacent to the lounge. A large gathering of boys sat over in the east side of the room in a grey haze of smoke listening to a Quidditch match on the wireless. One of the perks of being a junior/senior in Hogwarts—you get to smoke on property without breaking any rules, as long as you’re contained in that room.

Sirius and I sat down at a table with Kate, Seth and two Hufflepuff girls in our year.

“Sirius what happened to your face?” asked Lucy.

“Nothing,” said Sirius, dismissing the question with a wave of his hand. “Lily hit me with a spell in Defense when I wasn’t ready, but then she fixed me up. I’m wearing my blood as a battle wound.”

I rolled my eyes. “He won’t shut up about it,” I said, and reached down to pull out the thick envelope that my dad sent me this morning.

“Because it is awesome,” said Sirius, as though stating the obvious.

“You got beat by a girl, mate,” said Seth.

“As much as I love you, you’re outnumbered by estrogen, so I’d keep thoughts like that to yourself, love,” said Kate, patting Seth’s knee.

I pulled a stack of this month’s fashion magazines out of the envelope, with Vogue on top. I handed Harper’s Bazaar to Kate and began rifling through the pages of Vogue when a note fluttered out.

“Lo Lily! You might want to look at the YSL ads more closely. Just a thought. –Vittoria.”

“Oh my god!” I screamed. “Kate, Vittoria’s in Vogue!” I cast a searching spell on the magazine and its pages ruffled before settling on the beginning of the Yves Saint-Laurent Rive Gauche ad spread.

“No fucking way,” I said, peering at the pages more closely. “There she is,” I said breathlessly. One of my best friends is right there in the glossy pages of one of the most famous magazines in the world. She wore a midnight blue evening gown, which opened in the middle of the skirt to reveal long, tanned legs and impossibly high gold heels. The smoky makeup on her eyes added to the sultry come-hither look that she was giving the camera, her lips parted ever so slightly.

“You know her?” asked Tessa, leaning forward.

“Can I meet her and have her bear my children? We’ll have beautiful babies running around in baby couture,” said Sirius, reaching a hand out to turn the page.

“Nuh uh!” I said, smacking his hand away. “Until you wash yourself, you’re not going anywhere near this monumental spread.”

“Fine,” grumbled Sirius. He twirled his wand four times and then all of the blood on his hands, face and clothing disappeared and he smelled like cologne.

“Oh god, I love that cologne, Siri. It’s my favourite,” I said, shifting closer to him.

“Present from Mummy P,” shrugged Sirius.

“I can’t get over the fact that this is a real girl. That you know personally,” said Seth.

“I grew up with her,” I breathed reverentially. “God damn it, I wish I had a phone or something! I need to call her.”

We turned the pages and drooled at the next three pages of high fashion, full-lipped pouts and Vittoria posing with one of the best looking men that I have ever seen.

“Where is she from? Because if she’s from the Czech Republic or Romania or something, then that totally explains it. It’s physically impossible for a girl from those countries to be ugly. They’re all incredibly beautiful,” said Tessa.

“Like Alessandra Muvinoff,” said Kate.

“Oh my god, I have a total girl crush on her!” said Lucy.

I giggled. “Me too! I thought that Kate and I were the only ones! Anyway, Vittoria’s Italian. Her entire family’s beautiful. Seriously. It should be illegal. They’re all too pretty for their own good.”

“Does she have a brother?” asked Lucy.

“God yes,” said Kate. “Oh Rafe…”

“Ack!” said Sirius, jumping up.

We all looked up at him with raised eyebrows.

“I gotta run! Ack!” said Sirius. He threw the strap of his bag over his head and ran out of the lounge as if the hounds of Hades were after him.

Kate, Lucy, Tessa, Seth and I all sat quietly, transfixed with Sirius’s rushed departure.

“Does anyone know what just happened?” asked Tessa.

“Not a bloody clue,” I said.

“Right. I need to go. My afternoon just got way too girly,” said Seth. He kissed Kate and then let himself into the smoking section of the lounge where the majority of the boys were.

Lucy giggled. “I think that we scared all of the boys away.”

“That’s sad,” said Kate dismissively and then peered at the magazine more closely to inspect something.

“Lily, what’s it like to be you? I mean, what kind of circles do you run in to be best friends with someone that beautiful?” asked Tessa, sipping her tea.

“Er,” I said, running my hand through my hair.

“And you always have the best clothes,” said Lucy longingly, looking at my feet jealously. “I mean look at your shoes! Honestly, what’s it like to open your closet door every morning and have to choose between a million pairs of designer shoes? And you have so many of these things that you don’t even care! And you try to hide it! If I were you, I’d flaunt it all.”

“Er,” I said again, getting increasingly uncomfortable. I tucked my feet under me to hide my shoes and bent over my bag, pretending to get something out of it but turning it around to hide the bag’s label instead.

Unlike Lucy, I get embarrassed when people decide to look at my wardrobe and try to see how much money my dad or my grandmother spent on it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m really grateful for receiving these gifts and I love using them, but I don’t make it my main focal point in life to be dressed to the nines and make sure that everyone knows about it. It just kind of… happens that way.

“Right. I’m er, I’m going to go. Kate, you can keep the magazine, just don’t rip any pages out or anything. Er, yeah… Bye,” I said.

I quickly left the lounge and the label hunters and noise and reached the safe haven of the silent corridors. I ran up a flight of steps by the high windows, watching the rain lash down on the glass panes. The rain hasn’t let up since last night and it now ran down the windows so quickly and in such a large quantity that there was a steady stream of water running down the glass; the gargoyles keeping a constant river flowing from their mouths.

I walked along the corridor leading to the Gryffindor common room, getting bored with the long walk and somewhat upset with the slightly bad mood that Lucy and Tessa’s observations put me in.

“Lily!” called James, emerging from the portrait hole wearing a sweatshirt and carrying his broom. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all day!”

“James, I’m in every single one of your classes.”

“That doesn’t count! We don’t get to talk in class now, do we? Well, I suppose that we could but McGonagall and Knight would get mad at us, and besides, we wouldn’t be able to get quality conversation in during class, so really, I haven’t seen you all day.”

I stood in the corridor and stared at James as he released his verbal diarrhea. “You just made absolutely no sense and rambled for eons,” I said.

“Right, I did, didn’t I? I’m just going to go and head outside, then… By the way, I really like your hair like that,” said James. He winked and then jogged down the corridor.

I blinked and raised a hand to pat my hair, puzzled. “I’ll see you at dinner,” I called to his back before climbing into the portrait hole. I glanced at the bulletin board to check for any new announcements and remembered that I have to talk to Remus about Georgie and Reade.

I looked longingly up the girls’ staircase, wanting to change out of my skirt and into a pair of trousers or something. I shrugged and started up the boys’ staircase instead.

I opened the door to Remus’s dormitory and immediately the harsh smell of ammonia assaulted my senses.

I wrinkled my nose and walked in to find Sirius on his hands and knees, scrubbing the floor in just his boxers, a tight white t-shirt and yellow rubber gloves.

I froze in the door frame and just watched his back muscles flex and move under his shirt and appreciated the way that his green boxers made his arse just look so damn good. Holy shit, I think that I just walked into a dream… A hot, hot boy is cleaning and not wearing much. I slowly pinched myself to make sure that I wasn’t sleeping. I slumped against the threshold and continued watching his strong, sexy back as Sirius began to turn.

He looked up at me and smiled. “Lilia! What are you doing here?” he said, lifting up the hem of his shirt and wiping his face with it.

I grabbed onto the wall to keep from falling over. The muscles in his stomach rippled as he moved and my hormones went into over drive. “I-I… I’m, er, I’m,” I stammered, staring at this beautiful boy.

Sirius frowned and stood up. “Are you okay? I leave you for about half an hour and you’re reduced to this sorry little state,” he said, shaking his head. He grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on as my heart sank to the ground.

“Er,” I said stupidly.

My stomach flopped and I’m pretty sure that my eyes popped out of my head when Sirius pulled his shirt off and walked around to his dresser to get a new one. He tugged it over his head and I melted as his perfect back muscles (one of my favourite aspects of a bloke’s anatomy) moved against each other.

“Lily?” He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me with navy blue eyes.

“Yeah?” I said, blinking and snapping out of it. I stood up straight and grinned at him.

“What are you doing here?” he laughed as he began to put his cleaning utensils away.

I was overcome with sadness as my perfect dream began to slowly be packed away into a stupid little blue bucket. “I was just looking for Remus, I thought that he’d be here.”

“Oh. I think that he’s down in the dungeons, but I can pass along a message if you’d like,” said Sirius.

I shook my head. “Nah, it’s okay. Just stupid Prefect stuff.”

“All right. Well, I’ll tell Remus that you were looking for him when he comes back.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay,” I said, going back into a daze. I stared at Sirius and wondered how anyone could have such flawless features, even when they were covered in dried blood.

“Lily?” he said, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh… Yeah. I’m gonna go,” I said, turning slightly, but not moving, my brain furiously trying to figure out how some people can be so good-looking.

Sirius flopped down on his bed and stretched out.

“Oh God,” I muttered. I turned and ran out the door. I heard Sirius laughing behind me and I sprinted down the stairs and smacked into Georgie who was on her way up the girls’ staircase.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked.

“I just made such a complete fool of myself in front of Sirius Black,” I said, desperately latching onto her arm.

“Ah. Wait, did you just come from their dormitory?” she asked, tossing her bag onto her bed and taking out a pile of exercise clothing.

I sat down on her bed and nodded, closing my eyes to keep that picture in my mind’s eye for just a little longer.

“Oi, it’s Wednesday, isn’t it?”

“Aye.”

“So I’m taking it that you just saw Sirius Black only wearing his underthings and cleaning, yeah?”

I nodded again and flung myself backwards. “I just stood there and gawked at him for years! Merlin, Georgie it was so bloody embarrassing,” I wailed desperately.

She nodded and pulled her jumper over her head. “I was hoping that it’d take you longer to figure it out. He’s got a nice bod, yeah?”

“You knew?!” I said, sitting bolt upright and staring at her.

“Well… yeah,” said Georgie. “What with Quidditch and all… During the warmer days the blokes generally take their shirts off after about half an hour.”

“Fuck,” I moaned. “Okay, I need to go and find Nate. I need to be loved.”

“You do that,” said Georgie, putting a pair of sweatpants on over her leggings and shorts.

“Where are you going anyway?” I asked, rolling over on her bed.

“Quidditch practice,” said Georgie simply, plaiting her hair back into a French braid.

“Then how come Sirius isn’t dressed?” I asked, remembering his sexy jeans and band shirt.

“Beaters have off today. Just us Chasers, Seeker and Keeper today. Lucky bastard. Hasn’t stopped bloody raining all bloody day. Absolutely horrid conditions, but bloody Potter refuses to bloody cancel…” grumbled Georgie.

“Right…” I said. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then.” I hopped up off of Georgie’s bed and grabbed my bag on my way out, with the intention of getting a brioche or something from the Great Hall on my way to the Library.

I started out the door but then realized that I had yet to change. “Hey G, have you told Kate about Reade yet?” I asked, taking a pair of jeans out of my bureau.

“No not yet,” she said, inspecting her belly button. “But I plan on doing it tonight.”

“What are you doing?” I zipped up and buttoned my jeans, then squatted a couple of times to get them looser after having gone into the dryer or whatever it is that the house elves use.

“Getting lint out…” said Georgie.

“Ew. Anyway, you should probably leave soon. I passed James on my way into the Tower. He had this most unfortunate case of verbal diarrhea. So sad.” And he complimented me on my hair. I ducked down and looked at my hair in the mirror, taking a piece of it and twirling it around my finger. Hm. I tilted my head. My hair does look especially nice today. Maybe I should wear it like this more often.

“Right,” said Georgie, heading out the door. “Wait, I left my broom,” she said, turning back around.

I held her broom out, having anticipated her forgetting it. Happens every time. Sad really, especially since it’s happened before every practice and game for the past 4 years.

“Ah, excellent. Thanks Lily. Out to the rain I go…”

I danced my way to my night table, humming a Joni Mitchell song that popped into my head and got the ring that my dad had given me a couple of years ago.

“Aaaw, puppy I miss you,” I said, catching sight of my doggy. I sighed. I love Ringo. He’s one of my best friends.

“Went to a party down a red dirt road / There were lots of pretty people there / Reading Rolling Stone, reading Vogue, la di da da da,” I sang, making up words when I didn’t know them.

“Pissy good mood,” joked Kate as I passed her on the stairs.

“I said maybe a week, maybe two / Just until my skin turns brown,” I continued, patting her on the head.

***

I hummed to myself as I stood in front of the bulletin board outside of the Great Hall, taking down announcements and flyers that have been up for a considerable amount of time. Stuff about study groups, Gobstone club meetings, etc. etc.

“’Scuse me!” said a voice, running towards me.

I turned towards the voice at the sound of pattering feet just as I was warned.

“Oof!” said the girl, slamming into me and knocking me into the wall. “Oh my god, I am so so sorry. Merlin, I’m such a klutz. I’m so sorry.”

I stood up properly and shrugged. “That’s okay. It was partly my fault anyway for not hearing you in the first place. What’s your name?” I asked, recognizing the younger girl’s face from the common room.

“Katherine. Katherine Leonard,” she said breathlessly, staring up at me.

“Well, Miss Leonard,” I said, smiling at her. “Just make sure to watch where you’re going next time, all right? And do try to not run in the corridors.”

Katherine nodded vigorously. “You’re so much prettier up close. Oh my god!” she said, clapping her hands over her mouth.

“Oh. Er, thank you?” I said, raising my eyebrows, my hands poised to jab another thumbtack into the cork.

“I, erm. I have to go,” she said, and ran away.

“That was odd,” I muttered to myself, and continued to take notices off of the board and put up some new ones.

“Hello Lillier,” said Remus, walking up to me with his hands in his pockets.

“You know, the strangest thing just happened. Do you know that third or fourth year Katherine Leonard?” I asked.

“I’ve heard of her, yes,” said Remus, nodding.

“She just ran into me, literally, and apparently I have a fan club or something of the sort among the lower years. Anyway!” I said, turning to him and putting my hands on his shoulders. “You and I have got to talk. I have a bit of a bone to pick with you,” I said, and steered him towards the stairs.

Remus furrowed his brow. “What imaginary thing did I do now?”

I pushed him down onto a step and sat down next to him. “You did not tell me that Georgina has had a boyfriend since 5^th year. That is what you did.”

Remus blanched. “How’d you find out about that? How do you know that I know?”

I leaned back and rested my elbows on the step above me. “First of all, what would you have done if I was bluffing? You’re a terrible secret keeper. And you needn’t worry about your bits because Georgie told me herself. I just wanted to know how much you knew/know about the situation.”

“Not much, actually. Last I heard, they had a horrid date on Saturday but are still together, I suppose?” said Remus.

“Remus Julius Lupin. You are the worst source of juicy information in the world. Such a disappointment. Such a disappointment,” I tutted and blew some hair out of my face.

“Well, I’m sorry to be of disservice, but I must go. Have a younger year to tutor. I would also like to say that I now have the upper hand because I,” he reached down and swiped a shoe, “have your shoe and you can’t do anything about it. Cheerio!” he said and scampered off.

“That’s right. Bugger off because you can’t face me a like a man. Pfft. Julius the Emperor my arse,” I called after him.

“What’s this? A Prefect, alone, shoeless and swearing like a madwoman on the historic and educational Grand Staircase of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry? You are a shame to the Student Government,” scolded a voice above me.

“Lo, Nate. Pop a squat,” I said and smacked the stone next to me.

“My love, what are you doing all by your lonesome and sitting on this here perch?” asked Nate, kissing my cheek and wrapping his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

I shrugged and pouted as my bum slid across the cold stone. “I lost my shoe,” I said and wiggled my toes to prove it.

“Quite the contrary,” he said and procured my shoe. “Lupin gave it to me as I passed him. Anyway, we haven’t gone out on a date in a while. So how about Friday?”

“No good,” I said, resting my forehead on his shoulder. “Big day Saturday so I need to get some sleep. Saturday night?”

“It’s a date then. I’ll figure something out. Make it something special to make up for being a horrible, terrible boyfriend.”

I giggled. “If you’re a terrible boyfriend, then I’m the Queen of England,” I said, kissing his neck.

“Mmm, you should be,” he said distractedly.

I climbed into his lap and put my arms around his neck. “I miss you, love. Why do you always have to go off and do your seventh year and Head Boy stuff?”

Nate kissed the tip of my nose. “It’ll be the same for you next year. You’re a shoo-in for Head Girl, trust me. No one in your year’s better qualified for the job.”

I laughed and let my head fall back. “You’re just saying that. What?” I asked when I saw him staring intently at me.

“I can’t believe that I’m sitting here right now with you. Did you know that all of last year I fancied you something awful?”

“To be honest, yes,” I giggled. “I just wasn’t sure if you liked the chase or if you liked the girl.”

“The girl, definitely the girl. Lily, what do you say about going upstairs?” said Nate, with a meaningful look in his eyes.

“Go upstairs… Oh,” I said, and put my hands on his chest. I bit my lip. “I-I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready for-for that,” I said awkwardly.

“We can wait, if you want. We don’t have to,” said Nate.

“No, no trust me I want to. Just… not yet,” I whispered.

“When did we get so awkward?” laughed Nate after we both cleared our throats several times and gave each other shifty smiles.

I giggled nervously. “I’ve no idea.”

The doors to the school were suddenly thrown open, letting in some of the storm and drenching everything in the vicinity. A tall figure stumbled inside and then struggled to close both doors while attempting to cast drying charms on things.

“Who do you think that is?” I whispered, my hands on Nate’s shoulders.

Nate shrugged and we continued to watch the lone figure.

The person, whoever it was, finally succeeded in closing both doors against the storm and the wind and set about casting drying charms on the flagstones to prevent any accidents, slipping himself a bit in the process. He, for it was definitely a man, cast a drying charm on himself and then took his traveling cloak off, draping it over his arm and looking around the Entrance Hall with a wistful look on his face.

My eyes widened and I jumped off the stairs. “Connor!” I yelled, running towards him and launching myself into his arms.

“Lily-Billy!” said Georgie’s older brother, hugging me and calling me by the nickname that he’d given me years ago when I was only eleven.

“What are you doing here? Does Georgie know that you’re here? Or Emmaline?” I asked.

Connor shook his head and grinned at me, his dark eyes shining with excitement. “It’s a surprise. I’m here until Saturday for the first Quidditch match. Oh, hello,” said Connor, looking over my shoulder.

I turned and saw Nate standing behind me, his eyes flitting between me and Connor. I rolled my eyes. “Connor, this is my boyfriend, Nate. You remember him. Nate, this is Georgie’s older brother, Connor.”

“Wotcher, Nate,” said Connor shaking his hand. “So what are you kids doing nowadays? Why’s there no one walking about?”

I shrugged. “Dunno. Probably in the common rooms. Anyway, what is up, my friend? Georgie hasn’t told me what-”

I was cut off as the doors slammed open again and the Gryffindor Quidditch team trooped in, oblivious to their surroundings and looking like they’d just climbed out of the lake.

“Come on, let’s get you some Pepper Up Potion, hm? You’ll catch your death if you don’t get some soon,” said Celeste Priestly, one of the Chasers. She led a soaked to the bone and shivering Michael McFadden up the stairs while she shot murderous looks at James over her shoulder.

“James, I swear that the next time you schedule a practice when it’s pissing rain, Fabs and I are going to throw you into the bloody lake and leave you there to drown,” said Georgie vehemently, pushing some sopping wet hair out of her eyes.

“Oh come off it,” said James, a wide, lazy grin stretched across his face. “That was the best practice yet and you know it. Besides, don’t lie to me and tell me that you don’t enjoy seeing us boys all wet, like. Fabian and I know that we get you all hot and-”

“Connor!” boomed Fabian, drowning out James’s words and clapping Connor on the back. His wet gloves left a large, muddy handprint on Connor’s otherwise pristine white Oxford.

“Oi!” shrieked Georgie, whirling around and spotting her brother. She shrieked again and pounced on Connor. “What the bloody hell are you doing here, you great big fart? Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming? How long are you staying? You’re such a boob!”

Connor laughed and set Georgie down, cleaning off his mud-covered front and casting a drying charm on the Quidditch team at large. “Lo, everyone. Good to see that my Captaincy was passed on to good hands. But Prewett, why didn’t you get it?”

Fabian shrugged and shouldered his broom. “Didn’t want it. Told McGonagall so last year before the end of term.”

“Eh. Well, good to see that Potter here’s carrying on the tradition of lunacy,” said Connor, beaming at him.

“Easy for you to say,” muttered Georgie, rolling her eyes.

“Watch it Vance, or you might just find yourself locking up after every practice,” warned James.

“Lily,” said Nate quietly into my ear. “Listen, I’m going to go. I have a lot of work to do and I’m supposed to meet Claire to prep for another meeting with Dumbledore, but I’ll see you later, okay? I think I’ll stop by Gryffindor during dinner for a bit.”

“I’ll go with you. I need to do work too, I haven’t done anything at all and it’s almost 5 o’ clock. Just give me a second,” I said. “Oi, I’m going to head back to Gryffindor. I’ll talk to you lads later, all right? And Connor, Sluggy’s going to want to see you, so you’d better find him as soon as possible. You might even get some pheasant or some other fowl for dinner.”

Connor grinned. “Good old Horace. You know, I kind of miss the Slug Club. The awkward silences, the forced interactions… Ah, those were the days,” he said, a mock-wistful look adorning his features.

We all laughed at his spot-on description of the dinner parties and Nate and I turned to go.

***

“What do you reckon, Lee? Has old Cottontail got himself a girlfriend or what?”

Kate and I were squeezed into an armchair in the common room, James’s blanket covering the two of us.

I shrugged, watching Connor as he caught up with a group of 7^th years. “I think that if Cottontail’s got himself a girlfriend, then they’d be humping like bunnies right now and he would’ve told Georgie about it. Why, still fancy him?” I asked slyly, nudging her.

“No,” scoffed Kate as if the idea was preposterous. “You?”

“Tchuh. As if I have enough time to think about Connor these days. What with trying to find time to spend with Nate, worrying about the MIA and trying to find a girl for Sirius, I think I’d explode. Besides, you were always the one who fancied Cottontail more than me,” I said, using the codename that we’d given him ages ago for gossiping purposes.

“I suppose,” sighed Kate, resting her head on top of mine. “You really think he doesn’t have a girlfriend?”

“Kavs, he either doesn’t have one or he’s doing a jolly good job of hiding it, what with flirting with Alessandra and all.”

“Well, you can’t really blame him, can you? That girl’s super pretty. And besides, they’ve always had a weird relationship. Anyway, what’s this about being matchmaker for Sirius? You’d think that he’d be able to find a girl on his own. Hey, budge over, your knee’s in my arse.”

“Sorry,” I said, and moved the offending body part. “But anyway, last night when we were talking, I asked him if he’s been seeing anyone lately since you know, he’s Sirius Black, the bloody sex god. So we were talking, right, and he said that he doesn’t really fancy anyone at the moment because he said some tosh about already having snogged or shagged or something or other all of the girls that he’d be interested in. Now, I don’t know what to think about that. Do you think that he meant that he’s snogged every girl in our year or only the girls that he likes?”

“Well, he is a teenage boy, so there’s a fine line of difference,” mused Kate.

I snorted. “Yes, that’s true. But anyway, I haven’t thought of a girl for him yet. It’s really quite difficult when you think about it, but I offered and I want to see him happy, so I’m going to do my best.”

“Well, at any rate, I’m glad that you’re becoming friends with him. I find it rather odd how none of us except for Georgie, but that’s only because of Quidditch, really, has befriended any of the Gryffindor boys in our year up until now. I mean, you’d think that after living and learning with them for 5 sodding years we would’ve become mates, don’t you think?” said Kate, plucking at some loose threads on the chair.

“You do have a point. I guess that you could say that they’ve been right prats during all of Hogwarts. Although Peter I don’t mind so much and I am friends with Remus, being fellow Prefects with him and all, as well as that brief stint of ours back in third year…” I said.

“Hhemy,” said Kate, exhaling through her mouth after a pause. “Have you, er, spoken to Georgina recently?” she asked, looking at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Not since dinner, no. Why?” I asked, with a sneaking suspicion that Georgina Vance finally told Kate.

“She, ah, she had a word with me shortly after Cottontail arrived. Anyway, we were talking about last weekend, you know, Hogsmeade and all that, and I asked her how her date with Harrowing went. So she-she told me that… Oh bullocks to this. Lee, Georgina’s been dating Reade Harrowing since April of last year and they had sex on Sunday,” finished Kate in a hiss.

I giggled. “She told me last night. Wait! Ngaaaah stop hitting me, you mad codger. Merlin. I would’ve told you but Georgie said that she wanted to tell you herself, and I only found out yesterday, so it doesn’t really matter. Anyway, what do you think about it all?”

“Well, not to be cynical about everything, but I’m just worried about how it’s going to end. You know how it is with her,” said Kate, sinking down even further into the chair.

“I know! I was thinking about the same exact thing last night! Fabian Prewett should probably be warned, eh? Bloody hell, this chair’s titchy,” I said, shifting uncomfortably.

Kate sighed. “I wonder how the sex was. I haven’t gotten a shag in two weeks.”

“Kavs!” I said, smacking her arm. “What about Seth?” I asked tentatively, watching her face for a reaction.

Her grey eyes darkened and she tossed her head. “Seth’s an arse. I’m going to break up with him like tomorrow or something. You saw how odd he was earlier in the lounge and I’m just sick of sitting around and being unhappy because it’s bloody rubbish.”

“Oh I’m so sorry, Kavs,” I said, hugging her and resting my head on her shoulder. “Just remember that it’s not your fault, okay? He’s an arse and he doesn’t deserve even half of you. You’re too good for him.”

“I know,” sighed Kate.

“Of course you do,” I said and patted her leg.

“Anyway, it was really only a matter of time before I broke up with him. I mean, don’t you find it odd how all of a sudden the three of us have boyfriends? I don’t really believe in Divination, in fact, I think that it’s a load of rubbish that some blazed wanker came up with when he was bored in his mum’s basement, but I just find our attachments and present situation rather suspicious. And besides—it’s November of Sixth Year, and where’s the drama? So far, there is absolutely no bloody drama and if anything, that is extremely suspicious,” said Kate.

“Huh,” I said thoughtfully. “Never realized that all of us had boyfriends… But anyway, the drama will come. Oh, it will definitely come,” I said ominously.

Kate and I sat in silence, digesting this information. After a couple of minutes, Kate spoke. “Let’s go upstairs. I can’t feel my arse anymore.”

“Bloody chair,” I agreed.

…..

I’ll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I’ll be there for you
Like I’ve been there before

I’ll be there for you
Cause you’re there for me too
…..

A/n: First, the song that Lily was singing in her dormitory is ‘California’ by Joni Mitchell. And the French that Sirius said meant ‘I think that you’re right.’

Now, on to the important matter of business. So I said from the very beginning that Portkey would only be a temporary archive for White Tulips, and the only reason why I posted the story here is because it got deleted from ff.net for some complicated issues. Anyway, the new archive that I was waiting for is now up and running, so I’ll be posting White Tulips there from now on. I’ve already posted revised versions of the first three chapters, and I hope to have all previously posted, but revised chapters up by the middle of January. You can find White Tulips at The Unknowable Room here. So I hope that you’ve enjoyed what you’ve read so far, and please go over to the new archive and poke around. The people who started it are really great girls and it’s a very supportive community.

xox,

Mands