Most Valuable Asset

GracieInGreek

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 04/06/2005
Last Updated: 04/06/2005
Status: completed

"Please. Ron, I need you to hear me...I know I--neither of us have any right to ask anything of you now. But--but--," she faltered for a moment, and he could hear her swallow. "But...because you love me, I need you to just hear me. To look at me." 'You always hurt the ones you love' never rang so true.

Chapters

1. Mostvaluable

1. Mostvaluable

She clutched his hands across the table. He just keeps staring at her pale, ink-blotched flesh against the freckles on his knuckles. For a moment, he can't hear anything at all. They'd been at this for more than an hour now, the small wooden table miles between them.

"...didn't deserve this. You didn't, and I'd wish on anything to make it better."

Some ink has smeared on the back of his hand from her fingers. It's small. Just a print from the pad of her pinky. There's a pause in the words he doesn't hear, and she curls her pinky and the rest of her fingers around his wrist, tugging him.

"...Ron? Please, please...Hear me." She sat up a little to reach over the table, one hand releasing his wrist to grip the side of his face instead, trying to make him look up at her. The push was gentle at first, then more forceful, as if there was a touch of desperation. Her thumb slipped for a moment, sliding across the side of his nose. He could see the splotch of black ink it had left there. He gripped his eyes shut rather than look at it or her.

"Please. I need you to hear me...I know I--neither of us have any right to ask anything of you now. But--but--" she faltered for a moment, and he could hear her swallow. "But...because you love me, I need you to just hear me. To look at me."

There was a pause. A heartbeat, really. Ron opened his eyes, but kept them on the black smudge on his nose. The corner of her thumb was still in his line of vision--his red, watering vision.

"...You loved me so much." She sounded almost in awe. "We both know it, we do, I--I promise."

Ron muttered something, slightly horse, from the side of his mouth. He felt it rather than saw it when Hermione nodded.

"Yes. Still do, we know that. I...I know that. And it's so, so wrong that despite knowing that...he and I still--still couldn't help..." She faltered. Again. She sounded terribly, terribly sad. It made Ron's mouth purse and his eyes squeeze back shut. He wanted so much to be resentful.

She gripped both his hand and his face with more desperation.

"It's no excuse. It's no excuse, Ron, but...but it is a reason. The only reason, Ron, I swear, that we had. ...That we have. There wasn't one moment when we had the intention of hurting you, not one, please, please know that, more than anything else..." She was crying quite forcefully now, he could hear it. Ron hiccupped, his shoulders hunching forward. The backs of her fingers were brushing across his cheeks, now.

"Ron," she whispered. "Love is the strongest thing we have, more than anything else. Love is what will keep us alive, Ron, you must know that," she paused slightly, her breath catching.

"You--you loving me, will keep me alive. It will, I know it. And I, loving you, and gods, I do, I swear, will keep you as well--and Harry, loving the both of us--and we, you and I, loving him...He will not be taken. He can't be. Don't--don't you understand? You, loving him, Ron--and you do, I know that you do--will keep him alive."

She gripped his hand tighter, her fingers must be starting to go numb by now. "And we will keep you alive. Love, Ron...it's the strongest thing we have. And it exits...and intrudes, even when it can hurt the worst. When it can hurt the most undeserving person," her fingers, her pale, ink-blotched fingers stroked his cheek again.

He heard her sigh.

"Gods, I love him, Ron. I do," she said hurriedly, as Ron winced, his face starting to shy away, "...but I love you as well. But...I love you differently." She was sounding so sad again. He hated her being sad. Her breath hitched. "I--I love him the way you love me." The words seemed to hurt her; he could feel her eyes on his hot, wet face. "And I wish--I do wish, that you just loved me the way I love you. But--" She added hurriedly, as he made a convulsive movement, as if to get up. "But, I know you can't. Love is too powerful to just come and go and be just as strong as what's convenient. It's much too powerful for that, Ron, and you--your loving me like that, is going to help keep me alive and surviving, Ron. Please, please know that."

She was standing, now. Sobbing. She was leaning all the way over the table now, both hands on his face.

"I am so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for you--despite wishing on anything that you didn't have to go through this unfair and what must be horrible pain, and though I wish that you had been able to just love me as I love you, I would not trade your loving me for anything in the world. Does that make sense? I will not wish your love away, as if it's something shameful." She sniffed. He was wincing, very tired now.

"Gods, it's not your fault," she continued, whispering, her hands very hot on his face, which refused to tilt up. "You couldn't have stopped it no matter who'd wanted you to. But...but that's me as well." Ron looked up at her, rather suddenly. She looked startled. She bit her lips and continued.

"I...am not ashamed of loving him as I do. I'm not ashamed of any love at all, but..."

More tears. So many more tears. Ron tried to look away again, but suddenly Hermione's face was very close; she leaned her forehead against his.

"I so hate the way it's hurt you. I hate myself for--for endorsing it, perhaps not knowing the difference between the love, the strong love that I have for you and...and what I feel for Harry. What you feel for me. The--my timing was so off," she almost laughed, shaking her head, her curls tickling his neck.

"It's like I was so amazingly slow on the uptake, but you...you poor, amazing person knew what you felt for who all along. You bested me, Ron Weasley." She seemed to almost smirk through her tears, for just a second, one that showed the utter irony--but it was gone, a moment later, as her expression crumbled and she sobbed again, right against his face. "And you were slaughtered for it. By me, a stupid, stupid girl who didn't know which end was actually up, at the most inopportune moment. I did so love our time together, I did, but...I'm so sorry, for making it seem--for making you think it was the true, true love that—that only you felt. My utter stupidity and love's...well, love for inconvenience has caused you pain. I wish you could hate me," she whispered and sniffed, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, her face buried in his collar.

For moment, he sat stock still, inadvertent tears dripping into her hair. Her lips and breath tickled his collar bone. "If it would take any, even some of your pain away and give you any gratification at all, I'd welcome it...But you're just far too strong." She sniffed, causing his skin to wince.

She pulled her head out of his shoulder, arms still around him, clutching as if she was afraid he was going to throw her away from him.

"Love is our most valuable asset, Ron, and I know you know it. No matter what anybody ever says or thinks, you are far too strong to say that love isn't the most powerful thing we have. And you're just not weak enough to try and burry yourself in hate to make it better, or to even think that trying to hate is powerful enough to..." She trailed off with a sniff. Really, she did sound sure despite the ever-flowing tears, but also scared; she was even looking at him with a mixture of desperation and apprehension. ...And yes, love was in there too. She tightened her hold around his shoulders as Ron shook slightly, his own emotions still getting the better of him. "We're going to win, Ron. You've helped insure that." Hermione's eyes had squeezed shut, tears leaking through the black smudges she'd somehow managed to get on her face. "And I'm so, so sorry."

Though he didn't remember deciding to do it, Ron leaned forward just enough to meet Hermione's lips. Though she seemed surprised for a moment, Hermione's eyes didn't open, and she allowed it. But it wasn't an endorsement. Ron was strong enough to know that.

It didn't last very long, but as long as he needed it to. He let her go, both of them splotched with ink and tears.

"I love you." He said quietly, very somber. Hermione nodded; her forehead was against his again.

He looked at a spot over her shoulder. There was silence for a moment, and then Ron let out a breath. "And I love him too."

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