All's Well that Ends Well

effectivelyabsent

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 08/05/2003
Last Updated: 08/05/2003
Status: completed

Harry and Hermione do something for Ron and end up doing something for themselves in the process. H/Hr. Harry POV.

Chapters

1. Chapter 1

1. Chapter 1

This is a little avoid-finals-fluff, so if you’re trying to focus on finals or you don’t like fluff, you probably shouldn’t read it. Not beta’d, so I’ll apologize in advance for errors, I don’t think there should be too many though. Seriously though, HUGE fluff warning. And some clichés in there for good measure.

disclaimer. . .nope, not mine.

-- jamie

effectivelyabsent@yahoo.com

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He can be a persistent little bastard when he wants to, that boy can.

It started in the common room Thursday afternoon.

“I won’t be that bad, please, Harry, please. . .do this for me.”

Yes, Harry please do this questionable and awkward thing for me.

“No, Ron. I’m saying no. I mean it.”

“I’m your best mate! When was the last time I asked you to do anything for me? Never.”

“Ron, need I remind you of the condom incident last term?”

“Erm. . .no.”

Ah, the condom incident, forever my trump card. Ron had been dating a rather. . .er, how to put this. . .flaky Hufflepuff and had decided that some shagging was in order. And he, being the conscientious wizard he is, had decided getting this girl pregnant was not something he was dying to do. Now normally this wouldn’t be an issue, there’s a monthly spell female wizards can perform that acts like a muggle birth control pill. This young woman, however, possessed some dubious wizarding skills. In short, Ron didn’t trust her to actually be performing the spell right (which right there tells you something about Mr. Weasley’s choices in lady friends) and had come to me bemoaning the celibacy he was in for. In one of my admittedly dimmer moments I had made the mistake of telling him about condoms. He all but begged me to buy him some the next time I visited Sirius at his flat in muggle London. I consented only to avoid embarrassing incidents in the shower where Ron would undoubtedly be working off his ‘excess energy.’ Upon presentation of the condoms after my last visit, Ron had announced that he and the girl had broken up. I handed him the condoms anyway and told him I didn’t care. Not three days later I had come back from brushing my teeth to a most unpleasant surprise.

“And where did you and Seamus put the condoms, Ron?”

“On your dresser knobs.”

“And where else, Ron?”

“On your broomstick.”

Did I mention being the nice guy I am, I had gotten the lubricated ones?

“And?”

“On your wand.”

“And?”

“Everywhere, ok?! Every single goddamn thing you owned that had a protruding surface! Are you happy now?! Christ, Harry, it’s not like I’m asking for a lung or anything, I just want you to take Hermione out Saturday night so you can double with me. This girl I’m after is really shy and I think turning it into a group thing would be the way to go.”

“Ron, have you stopped to consider that even I consented, and I’m not, I’m only one half of this brilliant plan. Hermione needs to agree too.”

“She has.”

I sputtered. She had?!

“Said it’d be a good time.”

Yes, of course, a good time, masquerading as couple with Hermione, something I’ve been wanting to do as a reality for years now. What a splendid way to spend an evening- making a mockery of my feelings.

“I suppose I could just ask Dean to do it, I’m sure he’d jump at the chance to take Hermione out. . .”

Damn. Looks like Ron has his trump cards too.

“All right, all right. I’ll go, but if this ends poorly, you’ll need to be asking me for a lung, because I will have removed yours. With my bare hands.”

“Got it! Thanks, Harry! You’re a pal!” And he dashed off to find Sara, the new “shy” girl who was to be the next notch on his broomstick.

----

The next night was filled watching a Ravenclaw/Slytherin quidditch match and trying not to pre-live Saturday’s horrors, I needn’t of bothered though, Saturday arrived in a flash.

----

“Honestly, Ron, I don’t think Sarah will be able to tell the difference between the blue-green sweater and the green-blue sweater. They look the same color to me.”

“And that, Harry, is why you’ve had absolutely no success with women. Attention to detail, my friend, that’s the secret.”

I’ve had no success with women because I didn’t adhere to the REAL secret: don’t fall in love with your best friend who sees you as nothing more than a platonic buddy. Ah, well.

“It does look like you tried to comb your hair though, somebody have big plans for the evening?” Ron leered at me.

I have a running tally of things I consider mistakes and/or regrets. Number 346, right after getting a second helping of roast beef before a quidditch practice, is telling Ron I had feelings Hermione. He only acknowledges them when it’s convenient for him, like when there’s a good opportunity to make fun of me, not when he’s asking me to take out the love of my life on a pretend date so he can get some.

“Oh, sod off.”

----

Hermione looked brilliant. She had her hair up in one of those girly knot things, leaving her graceful neck exposed and me with some lascivious thoughts about just what that neck would taste like. She was just wearing a relatively tight button down black cardigan and some jeans, she even had trainers on, but Hermione out of school clothes is always a treat. Sara was wearing some sort of glittery, buttoned contraption of a shirt and a not-so-conservatively cut skirt. Ron was salivating over her as much as I was over Hermione.

I had opted for a sweater, jeans, and trainers myself.

“Great minds think alike,” I said, gesturing at her outfit.

She smiled at me and I was over the moon, but then I heard Ron holler at us from ahead in the passage to Hogsmeade.

“Oi! Hurry up you two!”

We picked up our pace and in no time the four us were sitting in The Three Broomsticks, sipping butterbeers. Sara had been demurely speaking to Ron when she suddenly turned her head to Hermione and I.

“So, have you two been going out long?”

Ron jumped in, “No, this is their first date as well, having been friends for so long, they thought they’d give it a go. It looks like it’s a night of firsts.” And he shot Sara a sly smile that made me shudder. Ron’s frightening when it comes to women, he really is.

It’s always refreshing when people don’t know every little detail of my life though, Sara had that going for her, in my book anyway. Ron dated this one girl that had actually insisted on touching (TOUCHING!) my scar. Right when her fingers made contact with my forehead I yelled “boo!” and she screamed and nearly fainted. Ron didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. It was worth it though. Totally worth it.

After the butterbeers, I think we went and looked around at some stores. I say think because I can’t really be sure. On the way out of the restaurant Ron had snarled at us to play up the couple thing more so Sara would get the idea. This resulted in an hour and a half of pure, unadulterated, hand-holding or an arm around her shoulder for Hermione and I.

I was beginning to think Ron wasn’t quite the git I thought he was.

I probably shouldn’t be allowed to think anymore.

Promptly following my re-evaluation of Ron’s moral character Sara had gone to the bathroom and Ron turned to Hermione and I and proceeded to outline his ‘plan.’

“Look guys, I keep trying to kiss Sara and it hasn’t worked so I’m going to need your help here.”

“Has it occurred to you that maybe she doesn’t want to kiss you, Ron?”

“Honestly, Hermione, have you looked at me lately? Of course she wants to kiss me, she’s just shy.”

Hermione didn’t even try to hide her eye roll.

“What we’re going to do is go back to the common room and I’ll suggest a game of ‘Veritaserum or Dare,’ if she sees that your both game for playing, she’ll play too, and then all you have to do is dare her to kiss me. That ought to get the ball rolling quite nicely.”

“I don’t want to, Ron, can’t you do this using your charm? I have a match tomorrow morning and Hermione probably has some studying to do.”

She stuck her tongue out at me and I had to fight myself to not lean over and suck it.

“No, this is what we’re doing. You agreed to help. This is you helping.”

I wanted to point out that, no, I hadn’t agreed to help, I’d agreed to take Hermione out, that’s all, not to mention the danger I could get in with that game around Hermione, but Sara had come back from the bathroom and my glare at Ron seemed to have no effect.

----

The trip back to Hogwarts was spent in relative silence. I was still trying to think of a way to get out of this and by the look of concentration on Hermione’s face, she was doing the same.

The common room was deserted when we got there and Ron flung himself down on to a couch, pulling Sara with him and set his plan in motion.

“Well, I don’t feel like going to bed, you guys want to stay up for a little while and play a game or something?”

“Sure, let’s play Exploding Snap.”

Hermione got a glare from Ron and then he continued, “How about Veritaserum or Dare?”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. . .” Sara said.

Hermione and I were receiving imploring looks from Ron and I just plum gave up. What’s one more mistake to add to the list?

“All right, fine, we’ll play. Hermione can start.”

She glanced at me oddly and shrugged, “Ok.”

Sara agreed as well and Ron muttered something that sounded like “We have liftoff.” I don’t think Ron even knew what that meant, not knowing about the space program and things, but I don’t think Ron thinks before about half of the things he says.

“Ron, Veritaserum or Dare?”

He looked hopeful, probably thinking Hermione was going to use the kiss dare straight off.

I should’ve known Hermione wasn’t going to pull any punches.

“Dare.”

“Ok, I dare you to let me play connect the dots with the freckles on your face.”

He gasped. “What?!”

“You heard me. Do you accept?”

“Fine.”

And with that Hermione transfigured my watch into a quill and leaned over to draw on Ron’s face.

She connected Ron’s freckles in such a way as to spell out her initials on one cheek and mine on the other.

I was tempted to lean over and draw a cross or heart on Ron’s nose so it would read HG + HP, but I refrained.

Ron went to do a cleaning spell on his face and Hermione stopped him, “You can’t take it off. That’s not in the rules. Remember last year when you dared Neville to wear Parvati’s underwear on his head? You made him keep it on the whole game.”

Ron grumbled and set out with a determined look in his eye, I got the feeling I was going to pay for Hermione’s dare.

“Potter, Veritaserum or Dare?”

‘Potter?’ Bloody hell, Ron, no need to be bitter.

I weighed my options, choose the first and I could end spilling my feelings for Hermione, in front of Hermione, choose the second, and well, I could end up with ink on my face.

I guess I’d made my decision.

“Dare.”

“Hmm. . .what to dare, what to dare. . .” Ron breathed, tapping his chin.

Hermione and I shared an eye-rolling.

“Oh! I’ve got it! Harry, I dare you to kiss Hermione.”

My jaw dropped. That bastard! How dare he use my feelings for Hermione in this! I was going to kill him! I yanked him up by the collar and dragged him to corner of the room.

“What the hell are you playing at Ron?!” I was livid.

“Calm down, Harry. I was thinking and my plan will work just as well for you as it would have for me, only I have my charm to fall back on if I don’t get to use it. You go over there and kiss Hermione and it could get her thinking. You know, get your guys’ ball moving. It’s seventh year, mate, ‘bout time you made a move.”

I thought about this for a second and decided I still wanted to kill him, I was balling up my fist when I heard Sara, “Are you boys about done over there?”

I let Ron go and shook my head. Fuck. All right, you can do this Harry. Voldemort’s tried to kill you six times now, you can get through a juvenile dare.

We walked back over to the girls and I took my place next to Hermione.

Sara spoke up again, “Go ahead and do your dare, Harry, I want to keep playing.” She wasn’t shy now, was she? Bitch.

Hermione was looking at me with an unreadable expression and hadn’t said anything in about five minutes now that I thought about it.

I ran my hand through my hair and started to lean toward her when she bolted up and off the couch. She was out the common room door before I knew what hit me.

Ron looked at me and shrugged, our initials still written proudly on his face.

I jumped up and ran after her.

“Hermione! Hermione! Wait!”

She was walking quickly down the hall.

“Hermione! You know I can catch you, so why don’t you stop and we’ll both just save our breath?”

Her slowed and shoulders slumped as she turned to face me.

“Save our breath? Save our breath for what exactly, Harry?”

Oh shit.

“Listen, Herm, I’m sorry about that in there, I had no idea Ron was going to do that. I’m. . . sorry.”

She took a moment and composed herself.

“I’m sorry too, Harry, I just, I just didn’t want it to be like that.”

“Didn’t want what to be like what?”

“Our first kiss.”

I felt my eyebrows shoot up toward my hairline. She’d thought about kissing me? SHE’D THOUGHT ABOUT KISSING ME?! Hell yes! I realized I was gawking at her and tried to play it cool.

“Oh? What did you picture it being like?”

She blushed and looked down at the floor, I dropped the cool act and reached out a hand to her face, “Really, Hermione, how?”

“Erm. . .I. . .” She steeled her reserve and started again, “It would be at night, we’d be walking the corridors alone, coming back from the library or something, and huddled together under your invisibility cloak and Peeves or Filch would come by, we’d have to stop to avoid them and we’d be SO close and you would, you would just lean down and kiss me. . .”

If ever an opportunity for kissing Hermione had arisen, this was it. I smiled at her and turned to walk away. She put her hand out to stop me.

“Harry? Where are you going?”

“Why, to get my cloak of course, we have to get to the library.”

And she just beamed at me.

“All that was just extra, mostly when I thought about it, it just involved you.”

“Just me?”

She nodded.

“Well, that I can do right now,” and I leaned down to seal my lips to hers. We stayed in that hallway for an hour, eventually slumping down to the ground, invoking tongues and finding ways around clothing we couldn’t remove.

When we finally went back to the common room, Hermione told me to remind her to send Ron a thank you owl, kissed me again, and slowly walked the stairs to girls dorms.

I sat down on a couch and fingered my still-tingling lips and as I looked up to follow her progress with my eyes, I noticed the back pocket of her jeans was torn. I started to holler out to her when I heard a groan coming from behind the other sofa. Standing up and peering over, I saw Sara, our shy little Sara, straddling Ron, her shirt undone and sporting some wicked hickeys as well as ink smudges on her face.

I was in no position to judge however and loped up the stairs to my own dorm.

Staring at the canopy over my four-poster, I reflected on the night and my initial concerns over it. Before I finally drifted off I had decided on a new motto – All’s well that ends well.

And this had ended VERY well.

.

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Hope you guys enjoyed that! Definitely leave a review if you did! Good luck on finals to those taking them!

-- jamie

effectivelyabsent@yahoo.com