Why Can't I?

sarahmay

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 30/06/2005
Last Updated: 30/06/2005
Status: completed

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? Why can't I breate whenever I talk about you? Songfic based on the song "Why Can't I?" Bad summary, little bit better story...

Chapters

1. Why Can't I?

1. Why Can't I?

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the song “Why Can't I” by Liz Phair.

Author's Note: Well, this has got to be one of the longest songfics I've ever written (Actually it is). I'm sorry if anything seems rushed, it's just that this has been bouncing around in my head for, oh, about a year at least, and I've been dying to get it out. Please review; this is one of those things that you hope that people like because it's important to you…So let's get like…10 reviews…please? Anywho, I just want to know what you all think!

Thanks!

Sarah

“Welcome to London, Hermione.”

Hermione smiled at Ginny Weasley, one of the members of the family she was staying with for the next month. “It's great to be here,” Hermione replied. “I'm so happy I was accepted into the exchange program!”

“Well, we're going to have tons of fun, just you wait. Oh, there's Ron…and he brought Harry with him,” Ginny said to Hermione as she pointed towards a tall redhead. “Ron! Over here!” Ginny called out to her brother.

“Found her I see. Hello Hermione, I'm Ron and this is my friend,” Ron introduced himself.

“I'm Harry,” Harry introduced himself, shaking Hermione's hand. “It's nice to meet you,” he added, locking eyes with her.

“It's nice to meet you too,” Hermione replied, mesmerized by his eyes. Then, realizing she hadn't let go of his hand, added, “You too, Ron.”

“Well, we'd better get going,” Ron smiled, rubbing his hands together, and reached for one of Hermione's bags to carry.

“Thanks,” Hermione told him, and the group headed out to the car.

--------

The ride to the Burrow - as Hermione had been told was the name of the Weasley residence - was long and they didn't reach the house until dusk. Hermione had learned during the drive that Harry and Ron had just graduated from Hogwarts, while Ginny was entering her 7th, and final, year.

She also learned that Harry and Ginny had been dating for almost six months now, and for some reason, Hermione's heart dropped slightly at the news. They chatted for awhile about Hermione's family and her school - from which she had also just graduated - as well as her friends and hobbies.

“Well, this is it,” Ginny stated after they unpacked the trunk of the car and stood before the house, which seemed to be added onto when space was needed and most likely held up only by magic.

“It's amazing!” Hermione exclaimed. “All of my friends lived in a typical muggle house with a few magical objects…and since my parents are dentists, mine was all non-magical.”

“Well then, you're about to enter an entirely different world,” Harry grinned as he walked past her and into the house; her duffel bag hanging on his shoulder. Hermione laughed and followed him into the house.

He was right.

There were dishes being cleaned by themselves in the sink, dough being kneaded by invisible hands, and the most peculiar clock.

Instead of regular hands, there were 9 with a picture of Ron, Ginny, and what must have been the rest of the family on each hand.

“This is amazing!” Hermione exclaimed as the hands labeled with Ron and Ginny's faces moved to rest under the word “home”.

“Yeah, my dad made it. He's always liked tinkering with muggle things,” Ron shrugged as he stepped behind her.

“Well, it's very creative,” Hermione smiled, suddenly noticing their close proximity. “I think I'll just go and…um…unpack,” she forced a smiled and then ducked under his arm and followed Ginny upstairs.

--------

The next morning, after a large and filling breakfast, the four teens decided to go out to a small lake about a mile from the Burrow.

“Wow, I wish we had a place like this near my house,” Hermione sighed as she gazed at the lake and surrounding trees.

“Yeah, it's pretty great,” Ginny smiled before diving into the water.

“Kowabunga!” Harry yelled as he did a cannonball after her.

“Get in here, Hermione!” Ginny called, surfacing a few seconds later.

“Oh, okay,” Hermione sighed, pulling the t-shirt covering her suit off. Harry was suddenly thankful he was in the icy cold lake. Ginny looked nice in a bathing suit, but Hermione looked more like a swimsuit model than a regular teenager in a bikini. When Harry finally snapped out of his small daydream, Hermione was just coming up from the water.

“Oh my god! It's freezing!” She exclaimed, teeth chattering.

“Need someone to keep you warm?” Ron asked playfully as he swam up behind her.

“I think I'll be okay,” Hermione smiled.

Harry looked at Ron. He'd seen it a million times; that look of pure lust. Normally it was directed at the type of girls you'd see in magazines, but he was staring at Hermione as if she was a steak, and he hadn't eaten in years. Harry took a deep breath, his power had erupted during his final year at Hogwarts and he took all precautions to keep it under check, but sometimes he just snapped.

“Harry, you okay?” Ginny asked, swimming up to him.

“Yeah, I'm fine,” Harry mumbled, forcing a smiled at her.

“Good,” Ginny grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck.

---------

Throughout the following couple weeks, Hermione got to know Harry, Ginny, and Ron. She found herself wondering how she had gone so long without these people. Ron, although she could sense jealousy in him, was always good for a laugh, Ginny was becoming the sister she never had - they stayed up late talking about boys, makeup, hair, and everything else that concerned a girl in her daily life. But with Harry, there seemed to be a force pulling her towards him. She was unsure of what it was, but at the same time, she couldn't help but love the feeling it gave her.

“Hey, Hermione,” Ron plopped onto the couch beside her.

“Hey, Ron,” Hermione replied, closing the book on her lap.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to a cinnamon sometime. There's a show called “Notebook” at the cinnamon, I think it's about some paper or something but the muggle women are all raving about it,” Ron stated, looking hopefully at her.

“Ron,” Hermione laughed, “it's called a cinema, not cinnamon. And the movie is called “The Notebook”, it's a love story,” she finished smiling at him.

“Oh, well, would you like to go with me?” Ron asked again.

“You're a great guy, Ron, but I just don't know if I'm ready to date you, let alone anyone. Maybe some other time though?” Hermione asked, hoping she hadn't hurt him.

“Oh, well, that would be okay too. Next time,” Ron's smile faltered as he stood up. “I think I'll go see if Harry's up for a game of quidditch.”

Hermione watched Ron walk out the back door and out onto the grassy lawn.

Sighing, she opened her book back up and continued reading.

--------

“Hermione,” Ginny ran through the back door panting. “C'mon, we're going out tonight. This new club in London just opened up, only the rich, famous, and beautiful can get in, and I just so happen to be dating somebody who covers both of those,” she laughed, dragging Hermione up the stairs to the room they were sharing.

“What to wear, what to wear,” Ginny contemplated as she looked over her open wardrobe. “What are you going to wear?” She asked, looking Hermione's way.

“Uh, jeans and a t-shirt?” Hermione asked, shrugging.

“Hmm…we're about the same size. I'm not quite as well endowed as you, obviously, but that shouldn't matter too much,” Ginny smirked at her, and Hermione blushed, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I was hoping I wouldn't get as hard a time over here as I did back home,” Hermione smiled faintly.

“Don't be embarrassed about it. Good thing you're single, all the guys will be all over you tonight…well, maybe it would be better if you weren't single. Oh well, you're bound to get attention either way. I think I'll wear this,” Ginny stated after a moment of looking over a few different tops.

“That's really pretty,” Hermione complimented her. The sea blue shirt matched her eyes perfectly and the beaded detail around the edges went well with her personality.

“What are you going to wear?” Ginny asked, fingering several different tops.

“Uh, what do you think would look good?”

“I'm partial to this one. Color never did go well with my hair anyways,” Ginny sighed, pulling a top out of the armoire.

“Oh I love it,” Hermione breathed, feeling the satiny fabric. “It's what would be typical of my closet.

“So try it on,” Ginny laughed, pushing Hermione across the hall into the bathroom.
Hermione closed the door behind her and locked it. She pulled her t-shirt off and dropped it on the floor before picking up Ginny's shirt. The material felt cool against her skin. Then looking in the mirror, Hermione studied the shirt.

The red wine color brought out the warmth in her skin, eyes, and hair. The strap of the halter neck was embroidered with a black design and black beads. Despite the fact that it was out of Hermione's comfort zone, the low back didn't bother her at all, she actually liked it. The material just skimmed over her skin, so it wasn't too tight, but still showed off her figure tastefully.

“Hermione, are you done yet?” Ginny asked, knocking on the door.

“Yeah,” Hermione replied, and opened the door. “Oh Ginny, that looks amazing!” She smiled; the shirt was Ginny to a T.

“You're telling me. That shirt is brilliant on you. In fact, I think you should keep it,” Ginny stated matter-of-factly.

“I couldn't take this,” Hermione started.

“No, I insist, At least this way I know it's being put to good use and not hanging in my wardrobe collecting dust,” Ginny smiled. “Don't worry about it. I only wore it the once.”

“Well, okay. Thanks,” Hermione grinned excitedly.

“Now we have to decide on bottoms,” Ginny told her, walking back to stand in front of the wardrobe. “I think I'll wear my new dark jean skirt,” she said as he pulled a short, frayed skirt from her drawer.

“That's cute. I'm sure Harry will like it,” Hermione said, finding it suddenly hard to breath.

“I know, what are you going to wear?” Ginny asked, turning to Hermione.

“Uh, probably a black skirt. I think I brought one,” Hermione coughed, rummaging through the dresser that had been cleaned out for her.

“What do you think?” Hermione asked a minute later, holding a short black skirt to her waist. It's not too trashy is it? I mean with how short it is plus the slits on the sides?”

“No, actually I really like it. It will match that shirt perfectly,” Ginny stated thoughtfully as she changed into her skirt. Hermione also changed and then set out to conquer the task of finding the perfect shoes.

“I think I'm going with these shoes,” Hermione said, tying a pair of black Romanesque stilettos on.

“Good choice,” Ginny approved, slipping on a pair of flashy black stilettos.

“Okay, you've got to see this book I have. It's all spells to do your hair in any way you want,” Ginny beamed, flipping open a rather thick and heavy looking volume. After she cast a spell for loose curls, Hermione found an up do she liked and cast the spell for it.

****

“Well, I'd say we're ready, and only ten minutes late,” Ginny grinned, checking the clock, which read 8:10.

“Let's go,” Hermione agreed, putting a tube of lipstick in her small clutch for later touchups.

Making their way downstairs, the muffled voices of Harry and Ron stopped as they waited for the girls to make their entrance.

“You look great, Ginny,” Harry grinned, his eyes darting over to Hermione, who, rather reluctant looking, took Ron's arm.

“You look gorgeous, Hermione,” Ron smiled at her. “See you two in a pop,” he added to Harry and Ginny, before apparating to an ally behind the club, still holding Hermione's arm. Harry and Ginny appeared a moment later beside them.

“Right then, let's go,” Ginny grinned excitedly, grabbing Harry's arm and dragging him around the corner and past the throngs of people waiting to get in the door to the newest club in wizarding London, Ron and Hermione in tow.

“I'm sorry sir, but your name's not on the list,” the guard was telling the man at the front of the line as they approached.

“Hey! You can't budge!” The guy stated indignantly, putting his hand out to stop Harry from going ahead of him.

“Don't touch me,” Harry told him coolly as he turned and faced the man.

“Ah, Mister Potter, you can go right through, along with your guests,” the guard stated, and the door behind him opened, the already dull sound of music grew in intensity.

“Thank you,” Harry smiled and motioned for the rest of them to follow.

Surprisingly enough, for Hermione at least, it seemed like there was always somebody willing to dance with her. After about an hour of the pulsating music and the constant standing, Hermione finally found her way back over to the groups table, sitting heavily just as Harry and Ginny walked off the dance floor.

“What did I tell you?” Ginny smirked at her.

“Oh ha ha, so you were right,” Hermione sighed, resting her head on her arms, glad to be off her feet.

“Harry, I'm going to the bathroom,” Ginny said, getting up from her seat.

“All right, Gin,” Harry replied, watching her disappear into the crowd.

Hermione watched Ginny walked to the entrance of the bathroom, then, after looking around, turned and went up a set of stairs off to the side.

“Do you want to dance, Hermione?” Harry asked, bringing Hermione back to the present.

“Sure,” Hermione smiled, accepting his hand.

After making their way to the middle of the dance floor, Harry put his hands on Hermione's waist, and she shuddered under his touch.

“Cold?” Harry asked, his breath sending shivers down her spine.

“No,” Hermione replied breathing heavily, and looked up into his eyes.

Forgetting where they were, they slowly brought their heads together. It was just as it was always described. Fireworks, butterflies, pounding heart - and then it ended.

“I-I can't do this. I'm sorry,” Harry backed away from her, a confused look gracing his features. Then he turned and left like she was some contagious disease.

Hermione turned and began to make her way through the crowd. About halfway to their table, she bumped into Ron, who seemed to be looking for someone.

“Hey, Ron,” Hermione smiled shakily.

“Hey, Hermione,” Ron beamed, looking down at her.

“Want to dance?” Hermione asked.

“Sure.”

“You know, I've been thinking about us,” Hermione said conversationally as they began to sway to the music.

“What do you mean `us',” Ron asked.

“I think we should date,” Hermione replied, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“Really? That would be fantastic!” Ron exclaimed.

“Good,” Hermione said firmly, and kissed him hard on the lips. “I-I need to go to the bathroom, Ron,” she whispered as they broke apart.

“Okay,” Ron replied dazed.

Hermione practically ran to the bathroom.

After she locked the stall door, she sat on the toilet lid and sobbed.

---------

“Wake up, sleepy head,” Hermione blinked her eyes open, squinting against the morning sun.

“Ugh, what time is it?” She asked groggily, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“Almost ten,” Ron replied.

“Who in their right mind gets up at ten?” Hermione asked, flopping back onto her pillow.

“People in love,” Ron grinned, kissing her on the forehead. “Breakfast is ready, hurry down, love.”

Hermione stayed frozen to the spot he had left her. Love? He barely knew her…how could he love her? The same reason why you love… Hermione pulled herself out of bed and went to stand in front of the mirror. Why was she doing this to Ron? Leading him on…pretending she loved him back.

Changing quickly into a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, Hermione hurried downstairs and took a seat next to Ron.

“Morning, Ron,” She smiled, pecking him on the cheek. The sound of clattering dishes made her look up. Harry was blushing lightly as he bent over to pick up his fallen fork.

“You two are dating?” Ginny squealed delightedly.

“Yep, since last night,” Ron smiled proudly at his sister.

“Oh I'm so happy for you!”

“Yeah, congratulations,” Harry mumbled, casting a curious glance towards Hermione.

“So you're going to try the whole long-distance relationship thing?” Ginny asked, looking between the new couple.

“I suppose so,” Ron replied. “We'll work something out, won't we love?”

“Of course,” Hermione forced a smile as he held her hand in his.

“Gosh, you two are just so cute together!” Ginny sighed. “C'mon, Harry. Let's leave these two while we go out back.”

After Harry and Ginny went out into the backyard, Ron turned to Hermione, a slight frown across his face.

“Something's wrong,” he stated plainly.

“No there isn't,” Hermione replied, staring at her untouched food.

“Is it the whole long-distance thing? Because we can make it work if that's what you're worried about.”

“It's not that,” Hermione sighed.

“Then what is it? You can tell me,” Ron said, rubbing her hand comfortingly.

“I can't do this,” Hermione looked up at him, her brown eyes filled with tears. “I'm leaving in a few days, but I could care less about that. You're a great guy Ron, and some woman will be only so lucky to have you some day. But I'm not that woman,” she told him gently.

“So-so you didn't mean it?” Ron asked, a pained look on his face. “You don't really like me like that at all?”

“No,” Hermione replied regretfully.

“Why did you do it then?”

“Because, because I was hurting so bad, and I knew you would be there to take away the pain,” Hermione sniffled.

“I still don't understand,” Ron pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I love him,” she whispered into his chest.

“Who?”

“Harry.”

----------

“Ginny?” Hermione opened the door to the room they shared, flipping on the light in the process.

A muffled scream and a thump followed the light's glare.

“Ginny?” Hermione asked, and then realizing what she had walked in on, clamped her hands over her eyes.

“I'm so sorry, Ginny. I didn't realize Harry was in here!”

“Harry?” A deep voice asked from beyond Hermione's closed eyes.

Hermione opened her eyes and saw a young man standing next to Ginny with silvery blond hair.

“Who's he?”

“Draco Malfoy. What's this about Potter?” Draco asked, sending a look at Ginny.

“Ginny, how could you cheat on Harry like this? He loves you!” Hermione cried indignantly. “That night in the club, when you snuck off, it was to be with him wasn't it!”

“Hermione, please, please, don't tell Harry,” Ginny begged.

“You've been seeing Potter behind my back?” Draco yelled, and soon after there were footsteps on the landing behind Hermione.

“Ginny! Malfoy, what are you doing here?” Harry asked from behind Hermione.

“I should ask the same, Potter,” Draco seethed.

“Ginny, get away from him,” Harry warned her.

“Harry. Harry, I need to tell you something,” Ginny said after a minute, and comprehension dawned on Harry's face.

“So that's how it is, is it?” Harry asked, looking hurt.

“I'm so sorry. I just, I love him,” Ginny bowed her head in shame.

“Could you two leave us alone for a while,” Harry asked quietly, and Hermione and Draco left without a word.

****

About twenty minutes later the door opened.

“I'm sorry, Harry,” Ginny told him, as Draco wrapped her in his arms.

“So am I, Ginny, I just hope we can still be friends?” Harry replied, looking at her cautiously.

“Of course. Well, we're going to head out,” Ginny said awkwardly after a long silence. “Have a safe flight, Hermione,” she added, hugging Hermione.

“Bye Ginny, I'll write once I get home,” Hermione replied, and Ginny and Draco apparated away.

“What a way to start my last day here,” Hermione laughed, grabbing her suitcase, Harry taking the other.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” Harry asked as the set the bags down in the kitchen.

“If it's not too much trouble,” Hermione replied.

“I'm sure Ron would have, if it weren't for the whole quidditch tour thing,” Harry told her, rubbing his neck nervously.

“He's a good friend, nothing more,” Hermione said under her breath.

“What?” Harry asked.

“Are your ready to go?” Hermione asked. “We should hurry or I'll miss my flight.”

“Of course.”

--------

The ride to the airport was long and quiet. Harry kept glancing at Hermione when she wasn't looking, and Hermione kept glancing at Harry when he wasn't looking.

After almost two hours on the road, they pulled in at the airport.

“Well, I guess this is it,” Harry sighed as a worker checked Hermione's bags.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Hermione replied, getting choked up. “I have something for you,” she said digging into her purse. She pulled out a slim square package and handed it over.

Harry made to open it, but Hermione put a hand over his. “Don't open it now, I'll be embarrassed,” she blushed, letting go of his hand.

“Sorry. Well, I'll miss you,” Harry forced a smile, eyes glassy with tears.

“I'll miss you too, this month has been the best of my life,” Hermione swallowed, dabbing at her eyes. “Bye.”

Harry watched her walk through the doors of the airport and get lost in the crowd. Then he ripped the paper off the small gift.

It was a CD with a note attached.

I know you felt it too.

That's all it said. Harry thought back to that night in the club, then, shaking his head, he got back in his car and put in the CD.

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

“Sir, you have to have a ticket to go through there!”

Harry ran past the security guard, looking around helplessly for gate E13. A big clock on one of the walls said it was 3:59 p.m. Planes never left on time, did they? Of course they did…why would a witch fly muggle airlines. Magi-lines was the new thing in the wizarding world. There was no other way to travel.

Pushing through the sea of people, he started to panic. What if he was too late? What if she was gone…?

People were yelling in outrage at him now as he pushed through them, nearly tripping every few steps.

“Look Mom! It's Harry Potter!” Harry heard a little girl say in awe as he brushed past them.

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

“Hermione!” Harry called out as he reached gate E12, fighting his way through the throng of reporters that had apparated in within the last couple of minutes. “Hermione!” Harry yelled again, rounding the corner to gate E13.

It was empty.

“Has, has this flight left already?” Harry asked breathlessly as he reached the ticket-taker.

“You just missed it by two minutes, Sir. Sorry,” the young woman smiled apologetically, before turning back to her work.

“No,” Harry breathed, turning to look at the crowd beginning to gather. Perhaps the boy-who-lived really was crazy.

Harry sunk into the nearest chair, burying his head in his arms. Reporters were still calling out questions and their cameras were still flashing, but suddenly none of it mattered anymore. He had just lost something wonderful.

“Harry?”

Her voice cut through the crowd uncertainly.

“Hermione?” Harry whispered, head snapping up. There she was, fighting her way through the crowd.

“I-I thought, your flight?” Harry said, gaping, as she approached him.

“Leaves in ten minutes,” Hermione finished for him, handing her ticket over. 3:15 was stamped on it in bold black numbers.

“Oh,” Harry handed the ticket back. “Don't go,” he whispered, taking her hands into his.

“I-I have no reason to stay,” Hermione sighed, looking up into his vibrant green eyes.

“I love you.”

“I-You what?” Hermione stuttered.

“I love you. You were right, I did feel it, the moment I saw you,” Harry smiled, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“I love you too,” Hermione sobbed, throwing her arms around his neck. “So much.”

“So, you'll stay?” Harry asked as Hermione released her grip.

“Yes,” Hermione smiled, before pulling him into an earth-shattering kiss.

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Something's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

-->