This Final Time

Goldy

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 06/07/2005
Last Updated: 06/07/2005
Status: completed

Hermione worries that she's failed him. Again.

Chapters

1. untitled

1. untitled

Title: This Final Time

Author: Goldy

Disclaimer: The lovely Jo. Rowling will grace us with a new book in, oh, nine days or so. Not me.

Summary: She feels like she’s failed him. Again.

A/N: Another old LJ fic I’m brushing the dust off of. I figure that now that I’m into the final countdown, I better get all these things posted before they become terribly AU.

The last thing she remembers before blanking out is being furious with herself. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this—not again. This final time she was going to stay. Before the fight, she swore to remain by his side. They would not take her down. She would not leave him alone.

Not. Again.

That’s the last thing she remembers. Not the injustice, not the helplessness of the situation, not Harry’s eyes as they met hers with grim realization. It’s simply the fury.

When she wakes, she can feel her earlier anger slam into her. She wakes half blind—panic clouding her vision. She’s terrified of what she might find. Have they won? How badly is she injured? Is she being held captive? Where is she? Harry—if anything’s happened to him, it’ll be her fault and he won’t ever know, and they won’t ever have a chance to—

She’s half sobbing as she claws her way up from sleep, with the millions of questions and worries flashing through her mind in a manner of seconds. She can’t believe she let it happen again. She can’t believe she left him to go on alone.

She struggles up, her head feeling heavy and her muscles barely cooperating. She keeps pushing, needing to know. She can’t take not knowing. She can’t stand it, the thoughts flying through her mind, the whatifswhathappenedpleaseohpleasedon’tlethimbedead…

Hands grab her arm and she starts to fight, but she’s far too weak for that so instead she tries to open her eyes. A palm slides across her forehead, smoothing away her hair and she goes completely still. She breathes in deeply, the scent familiar. And then she really is crying.

She reaches out blindly, grasping a fistful of a shirt and pulling it to her. Strong arms wrap around her middle. She presses herself close, drawing in harsh breaths and listening to her heartbeat and she realizes she’s chanting his name over and over. “Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry…”

She’s never felt quite so relieved before and she’s watched him go through countless dangerous experiences. His neck is smooth against her cheek and she clutches him tightly, only mindful of the fact that she’s holding him to her and he’s notdeadnotdeadnotdead.

“Shhh…” his voice is a whisper in her ear, tickling her skin with the warmth of his breath. “Shhh, Hermione… it’s okay. It’s okay now. Everything’s okay.”

She shivers because she still remembers her fear, she still remembers her anger when they took her down. When they took her away from his side.

And he went on. Like he always has.

“Is he dead?”

Silence hangs in the air and she realizes that it’s her voice that spoke the words.

He pulls away and she wants to weep, needing to feel his arms wrapped around her. She forces her eyes open and his face swims into focus. They’re in the hospital wing. There’s a large gash on his jaw but otherwise he looks fine. She trails her fingers gently across his marked skin and he doesn’t flinch, just stares at her with trust in his eyes.

“He’s dead,” he says.

She draws her hand away, his words hanging between them.

“Dead?” she croaks.

He nods. “After you…”

She bows her head, shame colouring her cheeks. “I left you alone.”

“No—Hermione—you…”

There’s real anguish in his voice and she has her arms back around him before she even knows what she’s doing. She grips him tightly around his neck, his cheek slightly rough against hers. Holding her close, he continues on, his voice quiet but steady.

“It was like… everything stopped. I saw you crumple and everything else faded into the background. I knew I couldn’t go through it again—losing someone else. That was it. I looked at Voldemort and I knew. I was going to kill him.”

He stops and they sit in silence, holding each other. She wonders if this is the first time he’s allowed himself to process what happened.

“He… he came near you. I though I was going to burst. I’ve never felt anything like it. It was like… I could feel the magic inside of me. I didn’t even need a wand. I just looked at him and I thought, ‘Well, that’s it, then. He’s gone and done it now. If he takes one step closer to her, then I might fry him with my eyes.’ Nearly did too.” He sighs and presses his lips to her neck for a brief moment. Her skin tingles when he pulls away.

“After that, I started throwing curses at him. Don’t remember which ones. Nothing he did hurt me—he tried curse after curse and it didn’t matter. I didn’t even have to do much. He exhausted himself out trying to kill me. I think I sucked it out of him—his power. Without all that dark magic he’d used to stay alive all these years, I reckon he just withered away. Bit anticlimactic, really.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” she says.

“The worst part was afterwards.” He pulls away and she almost cries out, but then his lips are covering hers. It’s the first time they’ve kissed and she thinks, this is it, this is something I have to remember forever, this is our moment.

When he ends the kiss, she feels hollow. She licks her lips, wanting it again—the feel of his lips against hers.

“I wasn’t sure….” His breath is coming out in harsh gasps. “You were just lying there…”

There it is again, his lips on hers. I’m here, she wants to say. I’m here and I’m sorry I left you again, but you did fine without me, you did so well and I’m so proud of you…

His hands tangle in her hair and she moves even closer to him, their high emotions giving their kisses a desperate feel to them. His tongue sweeps into her mouth and she muffles a moan because finally, finally here they are, giving in.

Her face feels wet and she doesn’t know who’s crying, him or her. Or maybe it’s both of them.

I love you, I love you, Harry, I love you more than anything and I can’t believe that we’re both okay and that you’re kissing me like you’re afraid I might disappear and nothing’s ever felt so good so don’t stop, don’t ever stop, don’t ever let go of me…

There are so many other things she needs to know. Who survived. Who didn’t. How many Death Eaters are left. Where they go from here.

But she gives herself a moment to let it go. They’ve given in and they can’t hold back their feelings anymore, not one more damn second.

This time—this final time—Voldemort lost the war.