Harry's Truth by Harry202

Rating: PG13
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 08/07/2005
Last Updated: 10/07/2005
Status: Completed

Harry needs to change a few things or risk losing the person he needs the most!




1. Make a Change
----------------



***Harry****'s Room*******

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Harry kept repeating those words to himself as he paced his room like
a caged animal waiting for the chance to break free. However, instead of calming down like he
wanted to, he just found himself getting angrier by the second and couldn't fully understand
why. All he knew was that he's been feeling this way for a few weeks… ever since the new term
began.

A small voice in the back of his head kept telling him: ***Calm down and face reality for a
second. See what's right in front of your face****.* For some reason, Harry wouldn't
listen though. He just wished that voice would explain the war of emotions attacking him
lately.

He learned a long time ago, the hard way, how to control his emotions. He was only one when his
parents died. For a long time, he thought it was his fault. His own family could barely look at him
more than a few moments before yelling at him or having to leave the room. He knows differently
now, of course. They hated him because he was from a world they couldn't comprehend, but back
then he didn't understand and learned how to grieve in his own way. Sure he cried a lot, but
never once did he burden his family or anyone else with his pain. Some days, the ache got so bad he
felt like he would explode on the inside, but he refused to ever let it show. He still thanks God
every day that Hagrid showed up on his eleventh birthday. He doesn't even want to think about
what would have happened to him if he was still with the Dursley's.

Even now, he finds it hard to be truly open with people. He lost more than just his parents when
he was younger. Something inside of him shut down during the time he spent with the Dursley's.
Harry knows it's true, but he doesn't know how to turn it back on either. He's never
experienced first hand what it's like to love or be loved completely, but he's learned how
to deal with loss. A hard lesson to learn, but it's a lesson he's learned well, maybe too
well. As a result, he's remained closed off to most people for the better part of his life, and
he knows that he's missing out because of it. There have been times when he's wanted to let
certain people know how much he cares, and he's made conscious efforts to do so. Yet, when the
perfect moment comes, he backs down every time. Now, he's afraid of love because everything
he's ever cared about has been ripped away violently and without warning.

`I guess that's why I've never taken any girl out more than once' he thought
suddenly.

***Yeah keep trying to convince yourself that's the only reason why****,* the voice
in the back of his head taunted.

It's been over sixteen years since his parents were murdered and, in that time, he's
become a master of disguising his true feelings. Lately, however, he's been unable to keep as
strong a lock on his emotions, not to mention his temper, as usual. Things around him are changing
and it's scaring him, although he would never admit that. Sure, he realizes that change is an
inevitable part of life. As far as he can tell, he's always adapted to and accepted every
curveball that's been thrown his way. Lord knows there's been more than one too. Living his
life with no parents, being forced to stay with a family that despised him, being thrust into a
world he knew nothing about, and being responsible for the lives of so many. And that's just
the tip of the iceberg.

It wasn't easy by any means, but he's managed to create a life that he loves, and
he's become part of a family with the Weaslys and Hermione that, although completely
unconventional, has given him so much. He's been forced into situations, ranging from
horrifying to utterly hopeless more than once, and he's fought with people that have wanted to
kill him or someone he loves. In the end however, his family sticks together, regardless of the
circumstances. They do whatever's necessary and make any sacrifice for each other.

His lifestyle, he's begun to realize, doesn't exactly help his problem. If anything, it
makes it worse. Being faced on a fairly consistent basis with losing someone you love isn't
exactly conducive to opening your heart more. That would just make it hurt a hell of a lot more if
something ever did happen to one of them, right?

`Why, after everything I've been through, am I having so much trouble keeping my emotions in
check for Christ's sake?' he angrily thought. `That's something I've never had a
problem with before. I especially can't understand why now. I mean no one is currently
threatening the world or my family for once, at least not directly, and I probably just had the
most amazing summer of my life,' his mind continued.

Since he was of legal age now, Dumbeldore couldn't make Harry stay with the Dursley's if
he didn't want to. He left on his seventeenth birthday and never looked back. To celebrate his
freedom and their final summer before graduating Hogwarts, Harry met up with Ron and Hermione in
Europe, where they spent the remainder of the summer term hanging out and sight seeing. It was the
best time he's ever had, and now, just a few weeks later, he's totally miserable

`WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME!' he yelled inside his own head. Completely frustrated with
his current train of thinking, Harry abruptly dropped down onto his bed and tried unsuccessfully to
just shut his mind off for a minute.

***Oh come on. Just think about it for one second, that's all I'm asking. I know this
is hard for you. Believe me, I know better than anyone, but there's no use fighting
it…she's already in and has been for quite awhile. Just tell her how you…***

“SHUT UP” he finally screamed out loud, surprised by the sound of his own voice after listening
to conflicting inner dialogue all night.

Suddenly a loud knock came to his dorm room door, which sent Harry upright on his bed
hastily.

“What is it?” he answered, more harshly then he had intended.

“Are you alright, mate” Ron asked, as he tentatively entered their room. He normally
wouldn't have knocked, but Harry's been in a weird mood lately.

“I'm fine Ron,” Harry sighed and returned to his prone position on the bed.

“That's not what it sounded like to me just now,” Ron replied “or earlier,” he added
cautiously.

“What are you talking about?” Harry asked sharply. Again, he raised his voice without meaning to
do so. “I'm sorry, Ron,” he immediately apologized. “I just… I don't know,” and he let out
a long breath between his lips.

***I think you do know***

“I think you do know,” Ron echoed his inner thoughts.

Harry jumped off his bed unexpectedly in response to his friend's statement and began pacing
the length of his room again, unconsciously running a hand through his messy hair.

“So, why were the two of you fighting this time?” Ron ventured. “I couldn't help but notice
that you were louder than usual tonight.”

Harry stopped pacing and without meeting Ron's eyes gave a lame answer. “What are you
talking about? We bicker all the time about everything. Tonight…” he briefly hesitated, “well, it
was no different.”

***Yes it was***

“Yes it was,” Ron echoed again.

`Jesus, can he read my mind now,' Harry thought, as he ran a hand over his face.

“And it has been different since the beginning of the term,” Ron continued. “What's going on
between you two? You never used to fight with her this much. That was my job. You know you can tell
me.”

Tired and frustrated, Harry's resolve crumbled right in front of his friend's eyes and
he took a seat beside Ron on the bed.

“I'm not entirely sure how to explain it,” he began.

“Go on,” Ron insisted.

“The last couple of weeks have been a little crazy…maybe I just haven't adjusted to being
back in school again. I mean, I've never been the biggest fan of schedules or authority, you
know that.” Ron couldn't help but nod and smirk at that comment. Neither of them were
particularly good with that, but they always got by.

“Think about it, man. We just had such an awesome summer together. Who wouldn't have trouble
adjusting?” Harry continued. “I mean we had complete freedom and beautiful places. Just me, you,
…and Mione.” He stopped and looked away suddenly after saying her name. Ron was about to encourage
him to resume talking when he kept going on his own.

“I don't know… have you noticed things changing?” Harry asked silently.

“Besides the way you have been acting…” he replied cautiously, and decided to let that statement
sink in.

“What about…. I mean with Mione and the way that she's been acting?” he asked hesitantly and
hung his head slightly.

“Well…” Ron had to think about that for a second. “She hasn't really been around much
lately.”

He paused after saying this and realized that's probably the reason Harry's been so
upset. `Harry knows it too,' Ron realized, as he looked at his friend's pained expression.
`He knows that when she's not around he's just not as happy, and it scares the hell out of
him that he cares that much. It's been a long time since he's let someone have that much
control over the way he feels. She does have that control, but Harry won't face it. Admitting
it to himself would make it real, which means the hurt would be real too. What if she rejected him?
Or what if, God forbid, something ever happened to her? Could he survive that?'

Ron knows those same questions must have gone through his friend's head about a million
times by now. He also knows how much Hermione means to Harry. He's probably known a lot longer
than Harry has. It's almost ridiculous how perfect they are for each other. They fight all the
time, but make up immediately. Their arguing is always playful. They've been known to get
physical on more than one occasion, yet would never intentionally hurt each other. It's like
they enjoy finding new ways to get reactions out of each other. It's all very strange, but with
an undeniably intimate quality to it. The few times he's seen them get truly angry with one
another, before recently that is, has always been because one risked their life to save or protect
the other. This is something that both are willing to do, and have done, on numerous occasions,
without a second thought. You'd think acts so unselfish would bring two people closer, but
these two need to blow up at each other first. Ron knows they do this because they're both so
afraid, not of dying, but of losing the other. They don't know how else to channel those fears,
so they argue. In any case, he can see that every fight, big or small, brings them closer together
some how. They fight so willingly and so passionately with each other, but they fight just as
passionately for each other, no matter what the situation.

Ron has forever seen the way that Harry looks at Hermione, even if she doesn't, and vice
versa. He just can't understand why two people with such a strong devotion to one another
can't get it together already. He thought for sure they would figure it out over this past
summer. The three of them spent weeks together and traveling. They had so much fun.

A sudden memory made Ron laugh out loud. No matter where they all were while on vacation, Harry
and Hermione would always drift off by themselves at some point. Everyday they would find Ron
somewhere alone and ask why he kept wandering off, like he was the one who had left them. They
don't even realize that they do it. It's like they're magnetically attracted to the
same things and each other all at once.

“What's so funny?” Harry asked, interrupting Ron's thoughts.

Harry was now over by his dresser fingering a picture that had been taken of the three of them
in front of the Eiffel Tower about two months ago. A time when the three of them, or more
specifically Harry and Hermione, had been inseparable. Truth be told, the two of them have been
inseparable since the age of eleven. It's made Ron jealous at times, but for the most part
he's been content to observe the dynamic of their relationship.

When they were all younger, she was the only one he would listen to sometimes. Harry used to
have these days, where he would shut down and walk around the school like a robot. At times, he
wouldn't even acknowledge when someone was talking to him. It could be really scary. He'd
always let Hermione in eventually though, but only her. Even if it were only in the smallest way
and with his total reluctance, she'd get through and bring him back to life some how. She never
could stand to see him upset for too long, and wouldn't give up until she got him smiling
again. Little by little she broke down his walls and became his safe place.

For so long, Harry's been able to avoid facing his feelings for Hermione because she's
always been there, giving him love and support without asking him to make his heart even more
vulnerable to her, at least not consciously. The closeness they share is incomparable, and has
never been threatened. `At least not until recently,' Ron realized. `It all makes sense now.
Why Harry's been so upset and unable to control his emotions, most notably his anger. His
calming influence and safe place haven't been around so much lately.'

“Harry?”

“Yeah, Ron,” Harry absently answered, clearly entertaining his own thoughts.

“Do you… miss Hermione?” Ron asked quietly

“What?” Harry asked incredulously. He was obviously caught off guard and made uncomfortable by
the question. He quickly composed himself, however, to deny his friend's suggestion. “What are
you talking about? How could I miss her? I see her every day,” he finished with a nervous laugh
that even he knew sounded unconvincing.

“That's true,” Ron continued “but she's been spending a considerable amount of time with
her new boyfriend and…”

“Boyfriend!” Harry passionately interrupted before Ron could finish the sentence. It was like
someone had suddenly lit a fire beneath him. “I would hardly call Ernie MacMillan her boyfriend,
Ron. She barely even knows the guy and he's such an asshole you wouldn't even believe it.
He thinks because he's a seventh year and captain of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team that he's
God's gift to women, and that he can do whatever he wants with them, or say whatever he wants
about them. And Hermione is spending so much time with him and his friends. He's just gonna
hurt her Ron, and then I'm gonna have to kill him.” He paused out of breath and then finished
in only a slightly calmer tone. “She deserves so much better. You and I both know that. I just
can't understand why she's doing this.”

Ron let his friend settle down more before speaking again. “She's a very special person,
mate. Maybe Ernie sees that and…”

“Yeah she is special, Ron. She's perfect, she's….” Harry stopped before finishing that
sentence, and then looked up with renewed anger in his eyes. “I can guarantee you that Ernie
doesn't see any of that though. All he sees is another girl to conquer, a boost to his already
enormous ego, and another notch to add to his bedpost. He said as much right to my face, and
believe me when I tell you that he enjoyed rubbing my nose in it.” After his tirade ended, Harry
began pacing the room again like a madman.

“Did you tell Hermione any of this?” Ron questioned

“Of course I did,” Harry nearly screamed. “I tried to tell her tonight, but she is so stubborn.
Do you think she listened to me?” he exclaimed. He was breathing so heavily at this point that Ron
was once again unsure of what to say next. Before he could think of anything though, Harry
continued with a defeated tone in his voice and look in his eyes, something Ron never thought he
would see coming from his best friend

“How could she not believe me, Ron? I would never lie to her, or purposely try to hurt her. She
means too much to…” He suddenly stopped lowering his head and his voice. “I just wouldn't.”

“I know that…and so does she.” Ron confirmed.

“Oh yeah,” Harry said taking a seat on the bed beside his friend again. “Then why is she out
with him right now?”

Ron asked his next question very cautiously knowing that it could easily set him off again.
“Harry, how did you…I mean how did you bring all of this up to her? You didn't mention it while
you were fighting, did you?”

Harry only sighed, confirming what Ron already knew to be true.

“Harry,” he continued, “why would you do that? You know how she gets when someone tries to tell
her what to do.”

“Yeah I know,” he said.

“So why do it?” Ron asked

“I didn't intend to. I just got upset.” Harry answered.

“Why?”

“Why, what?” Harry asked annoyed.

“Why were you so upset?”

“You know why Ron. I…I just don't want her hurt is all,” he finished.

“*Is* that all?” Ron asked quietly

“Is that all?” Harry repeated with a sigh in his voice and then put his head in his hands. For
the second time that night he heard that question and didn't know how to answer it.

*******Two hours prior*******

“YOU'RE NOT GOING!” Harry screamed. He had come into Hermione's room while she was
getting ready for her `so called' date to have a civilized conversation. Unfortunately, it just
wasn't going the way he had planned. Their discussion, like every other one they've been
having recently, quickly escalated into a full-blown screaming match. When he told her not to go,
she turned on him faster than lightning. He knew that he just stuck his foot in his mouth and was
heading down the wrong path with her again.

“WHAT?” she screamed as loudly as he had. “You're trying to tell me what I can or cannot do
again. Who do you think you are Potter? You can't just walk into *my* room and try to
control *my* life. Do you think your God now?”

“No, that would be your asshole date, Hermione.”

“Shut up, Harry! You don't even know him.”

“Oh, and you know him so well?” he demanded.

“I know him better than you.”

“Yeah, well did you know that the only reason he's going out with you is to get you into
bed!” he yelled completely frustrated.

The look she got in her eyes as soon as he said that made him want to take it back more than
anything else in this world. He hurt her, and he knew it. He'd just done what he was trying to
prevent someone else from doing. Harry thought for sure she was going to slap him, but instead she
turned her back so that he could no longer see her face.

What he didn't know was that he had just voiced everything that Hermione had known to be
true long before Ernie even asked her out. The only reason she was going out with this guy was to
try and move on. Harry obviously wasn't interested, and she wasn't going to sit around
while he fell in love with one of those girls that were constantly throwing themselves at him. She
wasn't going to watch like a little puppy dog, and she certainly wasn't going to settle for
being second best. It just wasn't her style, or the way she wanted to live her life.

Still, there had been so many times when she thought he cared for her more. She couldn't be
sure though. He shows how much he cares through actions and not words. She knows that better than
anyone, but she would need to hear him say it, if it were true. This summer, she thought he was
going to under the stars in Italy and then again at the Eiffel Tower, but he never did.

`I can't keep doing this to myself,' she thought angrily. She builds herself up only to
be let down every time. And here she was letting him do it to her again by catching a glimmer in
his eye or a tone in his voice and then grasping onto it. The hope and anticipation would make her
heart beat so fast and loud that she couldn't hear the voice telling her to just stop.

When Hermione didn't turn around, Harry put his hand on her shoulder. She knew she should
shrug it off, but couldn't because she loved his touch and the safe way it always made her
feel. Like nobody else's could.

He gently squeezed her shoulder. Then she heard him take a breath and knew that meant he was
trying to figure out how to say something.

“Please don't go,” he said barely above a whisper.

Something in his voice made her let go and release the unshed tears in her eyes. She still
refused to turn around and let him see how vulnerable he made her, however. It seemed to take all
of her energy to respond without letting her voice crack or her resolve slip away.

“Why don't you want me to go?” she asked, hoping he would say what she's been waiting to
hear.

“Because…” he hesitated, taking his hand off her shoulder and backing away slightly, “…because I
don't him to hurt you is all.”

She didn't say anything for what seemed like forever to Harry and he was about to give up
and leave when she stopped him with that question.

“*Is* that all?” she asked in a strained voice.

What Harry heard in that question confused him. He wasn't entirely sure what she wanted him
to say. All he knew was that he didn't want her to go and he wanted to tell her that, and about
every amazing feeling that she has ever made him feel since she came into his life. He didn't
think she wanted to hear that though, and he didn't want to upset her further so he simply
answered, “Of course, that's all.”

Harry never saw the tears on her face, or the hurt look in her eyes as she stormed right past
him. All he heard were the words, “You don't need to worry about me anymore,” and the door slam
behind her. Those words were like a knife through his heart, and in that moment he thought the
question: “Is that all?” would haunt him for the rest of his life. Once again, he didn't let
himself tell her how he felt. Every fiber of his being wanted to, but he just couldn't get the
words to come out of his mouth. All he could do at that point was get angry at himself.

*******Present*******

“Well?” Ron insisted, bringing Harry back from the memory of their argument earlier this
evening.

“Is that all?” Ron asked again. “Is that the only reason this is upsetting you so much, because
you don't want her hurt? Or is it because there is something more?”

The last part of what Ron said wasn't really a question and Harry knew it. There had always
been something more between them. His mind and his heart just couldn't agree on how to handle
it, and now it was too late. That realization yielded the first real broken heart of his life. It
didn't really seem fair to him either. He didn't even get the chance to love her the way he
knew he could, the way that she deserved.

“It's not too late you know.” Ron said

“You gotta stop reading my mind like that Ron, it's starting to freak me out,” Harry said
with a grin.

Ron didn't know what he was talking about, but was glad to see him smiling for the first
time in a while.

“So,” Ron ventured, “now that you've finally admitted to yourself how you feel, please tell
me you plan to do something about it.”

“What should I do?” Harry asked seriously

“Only you can know that, mate,” Ron said as he got off the bed to leave. Before he left,
however, he turned around to leave his friend with one last piece of advice. “I would strongly
suggest talking, and I mean really talking, to her soon. Hermione has many virtues, but, like you,
patience isn't always one of them.

“Hey,” Harry replied, but they both laughed knowing it was so true.

“I only speak the truth man,” Ron said with a smile.

“I know” Harry answered calmly. “Thanks for everything Ron. I owe you one.”

“No need. It is what friends are for,” Ron responded as he closed the door behind him confident
that things would work out.

***Harry****'s Room*******

For the first time in weeks, Harry was smiling and feeling like himself again. `Why did I wait
so long?' he suddenly thought. However, just as quickly as that thought came he dismissed it
and decided to move on. Hermione has been the light of his life and the only girl he's ever
wanted to spend time with or devote energy to since he's met her. If he didn't give it a
try for fear of losing her, than he would eventually lose her anyway to someone else. He could see
that clearly now. He didn't realize it before because she's always been there and seemed
more than happy to devote the same type of energy to him. `I only hope that Ron's right and
it's not too late,' he thought. `If she gives me the chance, I'll never take her for
granted again.'

Once again, he was walking the length of his room. Only this time, it was not done in anger, but
to help clear his head. Finally, he started talking to himself aloud to try and figure out what to
do next.

“Ok, all I have to do is talk to her and explain how I feel. She'll understand, just like
she always has. I've always been able to be open to her about everything, except for this of
course. She reads me like a book without even trying. She can explain me to myself and to others.”
He stopped for a while to think about every thing he was saying. Then, decided to continue.

“I can put on a show for people to hide my real emotions and fool everyone without even
blinking, but she can walk right into the room, take one look into my eyes, and see what's
going on inside me. Then I know she'll find some way to take me aside and talk everything
through until I feel better. I've tried on more than one occasion to fool her or to avoid her
when I'm depressed or upset about something. No matter what though, she sees right through me
and makes me feel better even when I try to resist it.”

He stopped again as something suddenly occurred to him. `So how can someone that knows me better
than I know myself, not see the way I feel…have always felt,' he thought. `Maybe she has
noticed, but has chosen to ignore it. Maybe she hopes that it will go away because she doesn't
feel the same. Maybe she's waiting for me to make the first move. Maybe it's ridiculous for
me to think that she could recognize feelings that I hadn't even recognized. Or maybe all of
this conjecture is completely stupid and useless.'

***Stop driving yourself crazy with what ifs and go find out the truth****.***

For the first time, he decided to listen to what that little voice was telling him. “I just need
to talk to Mione and straighten this all out,” he voiced.

`Much easier said than done,' he thought as he left his room determined to talk to her as
soon as she got back to her room. He's glad that she's Head Girl. `This is not gonna be
simple, but she's without a doubt worth it and I've never backed away from something I
wanted just because it'd be challenging. I'm not about to start now,' he decided.

-->



2. Resolution
-------------



**Grffyndor Common Room**

When Hermione got back to the common room that night, all the lights were off. `Everyone must
already be in bed,' she thought. It surprised her that no one was up, but she was glad for the
most part. She really didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now. All she wanted to do was
take a shower, and then maybe cry herself to sleep. Normally, she would never allow such an option
to even cross her mind, but it'd been an all around shitty evening and she was tired. In fact,
she's had a shitty couple of weeks. Not only had her so called plan to move on gone straight to
hell, but Harry was going to know that he was right and would probably never let her live it down.
The worst part is that she knew he was right when he confronted her tonight, and every other time
too. Hell, she knew what Ernie was all about well before he even asked her out. Of course she had
to be stubborn though, and now she's gonna pay for it. `Why the hell did I chose Ernie of all
people,' she thought to herself.

**You were upset that Harry didn't feel the same way about you, and you knew that going out
with Ernie would really stick it to him**

“Shut up,” she told herself.

When Ernie had asked her if she wanted to have lunch with him on the first day of school,
Hermione was all ready to turn him down like she had been doing for the past two years. She never
wanted anything to do with him. She knew that the only reason he kept asking her out was because
she always said no. It was a game to him, to try and win her like some prize. Plus she knew he
loved to get under Harry's skin, being the captain of an opposing team. Harry knew all of this
too, so when he saw Ernie talking to her that day, he came over and told him to get lost before
Hermione had a chance to say a word. She was grateful, even though she could have handled it easily
by herself.

Then, out of nowhere, Cho walked right up to them and started putting her hands all over Harry.
Hermione didn't even give Harry time to react. Something inside of her snapped and she decided
then and there that she couldn't just stand by and watch him be with someone else. She told
Ernie she'd love to join him, and walked away without even looking back. `He probably
didn't even care,' she thought. `And even if he did, I'm sure Cho got his mind off me
real fast.' She stopped thinking for a moment and sighed deeply.

`We haven't even had a real conversation since that day,' her thoughts continued. `Every
time he tried to talk to me I just got so angry with him, and all he was trying to do was help. I
was angry with myself, not him. I sure as hell took it out on him though. I wouldn't blame him
if he didn't want anything to do with me for a while.'

She paused her thoughts again and wandered aimlessly through the common room, before depositing
herself on the couch. On the table in front of her was an old copy of the Hogwarts Herald. Hermione
picked it up and stared at the picture on the front page. It was of her and Harry on the Hogwarts
Express. Colin had come into their compartment, and asked if he could take their picture. Harry
normally tells him no, but he was in a really good mood that day and agreed.

Hermione remembers how special she felt when he put his arms around her while Colin got into
position. He took the picture, and the next thing they knew, it was on the front of the school
newspaper and they spent days trying to convince everyone that they weren't a couple.

She would never forget that day though, or their summer together.

“I miss him so much,” she whispered, but wouldn't let herself cry.

The only thing that brought her any comfort was knowing that she got that asshole Ernie good
tonight. Earlier this evening, as she and Ernie were walking through the corridors, he leaned
towards her and made another pathetic, and not to mention grotesque, attempt to get her into his
bed, or rather a broom closet. Now she's put up with a lot of crap from rude guys who thought
they were kings of the universe, but when he grabbed her ass after making his comments, she'd
had enough. She dropped him right there. `He's probably still trying to catch his breath'
she suddenly thought as she began to climb the stairs to her room. She couldn't help but smirk
at the idea.

Her smile faded quickly, however, as she reached the top of the stairs, thinking of Harry again
and realizing that she would never find anyone that meant more to her. No matter how frustrating
and annoying he could be at times, he was always…always there when it mattered. Ready to fight for
and defend her without even needing a reason why. Sometimes it makes her angry that he's always
trying to protect her. Like he thinks that she can't take care of herself. Deep down she knows
that's not the reason he does it though. It's ingrained in his blood to keep the people he
cares about safe, and she loves being one of those people. Being loved by him, even if it's
always been limited to her role as best friend and confidant, has been the most amazing, free, and
unconditional love she has ever felt in her life. His capacity to love astounds her, and the crazy
part is that she knows for a fact that a large part of him is still so closed off, even to her. The
girl…the very lucky girl that can find her way into the deepest part of his heart is going to be in
for one hell of a life. `She better never hurt him though, or she'll have to deal with me,'
Hermione thought protectively.

That was the last thing that went through her head before opening her bedroom door to find him
standing in the middle of her room. The only light in the room came from the moon shining through
the window behind him. Her eyes locked onto his immediately and she couldn't tear herself away.
Her heart was pounding so loud again that she couldn't hear the voice in her head telling her
not to let him get to her again. He looked like an angel…her angel…backed by the moonlight. She was
so overwhelmed by the moment that she couldn't even say anything.

Harry took a tentative step towards Hermione when he saw her enter the room and brought his hand
up to her face. She froze under his warm touch and unconsciously closed her eyes, shedding tears
that she didn't even know were there.

When Harry saw that she was crying it scared him because it was something that she rarely did,
at least not in front of anyone. He's seen her cry just a few times in his life, and even then
it was only in front of him and for very good reasons. In that moment, he was glad that she still
trusted him enough to let go like this, but afraid because he didn't know what was upsetting
her. Without even thinking about it, he ran his thumb across her cheek to remove one of her
tears.

That action brought Hermione out of her dream-like state, however, and she tore away from his
touch like it burned her.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” she demanded.

Harry noticed that they were standing in the same position they had been in earlier in the
evening. He was standing by the door with her turned away. Accept this time he wasn't going to
let her leave, and he certainly wasn't going anywhere until he finally told her how he felt.
Ignoring her question, Harry asked his own.

“Why are you crying?” he said softly

“You care,” she stated harshly.

“Of course I ca…” he began, before being interrupted by her angry words.

“OF COURSE, OF COURSE, OF COURSE… Is that your answer for everything?” she screamed, but refused
to turn around.

Her outburst caused Harry to hesitate for a second, but he wasn't going to give up.

“Hermione, I…” he tried again, but before he could say anything she turned so they were facing
each other again. Her beautiful eyes were definitely full of anger now, and not tears.

“Are you happy?” she asked bitterly

She continued before he could answer the question, however.

“What! Did you already find out what happened tonight? Did someone tell you? Maybe Lavender or
Cho, or another one of those complete airheads that throws herself at you shamelessly, and tries to
cater to the every whim of the great Harry Potter” she finished dramatically.

She thought she saw him wince at her words, and that she may have hurt him, but she continued
anyway.

“Well I'll just say it ok. I know it's why you're here waiting for me. You were
right, ok. You were right. You want to hear it one more time? You were right, right, right. But I
have a news flash for you mister perfect. I knew Ernie was a jerk before I even went out with him.
I knew his game and everything he was saying about me long before you tried to tell me about it,”
she screamed, and stopped for a moment to look him directly in the eyes before saying, “And I knew
that all Ernie wanted to do was get me into bed, and I didn't care.”

If she thought she'd hurt him before, she knew that she did now. When she said that, he took
a step back and looked like he'd taken a physical blow to the stomach.

“Did you…” he started to ask the question, but stopped realizing that as much as he wanted to
know the answer, he didn't. Not to mention that it was technically none of his business.

“Did I what, Harry?” she asked. “Did I sleep with him?” She laughed suddenly. “Do you really
want to know?” she asked vindictively, taking a step closer to him. “All the little details,
huh?”

She took another challenging step towards him, but he moved back away from her and unconsciously
towards the door. Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. There's no way what she's
saying is true. He knows her. She wouldn't do that, would she? Suddenly, he wasn't so sure
and his determination was lost. He knew that he had to get out of her room or he would choke on his
own breath.

As he turned quickly to leave, Hermione caught a glimpse of the look in his eyes, and it shook
her to the core. She hasn't seen that look on his face in a long time. In fact, she's done
everything she could to protect him and keep that look out of his eyes since she's met him, and
here she was becoming the cause of it. She couldn't let him leave hurt because she mislead
him.

“Harry, no wait… I didn't,” she said hurriedly. He turned around at those words and she
could see that he was fighting to keep his composure. “I didn't,” she said again to reassure
him, making sure she had eye contact. “That's never what I wanted.”

Harry let a long breath out between his lips and moved back into the room towards Hermione. He
was clearly relieved by her admission. “Then why *did* you go out with him?” he questioned,
moving even closer.

“It's not important.” she replied, breaking away from his eyes.

“It's important to me,” he said and closed the gap between them again.

This time she didn't move away, but instead lowered her head and began to cry again. Seeing
this killed Harry. He feels like all he's been doing lately is hurt the person that means the
most to him, so he took her face in both his hands and did the only thing he could think of. He was
terrified that she would push him away again, but she didn't this time. Using his hand to wipe
away the tears that had fallen on one of her cheeks, he brought his other hand up to stroke the
length of her hair, down the side of her body and back again. Then he slowly brought his lips down
to her face and kissed away every tear that fell from her eyes from that moment on. They stood like
that in the middle of her room for a long time. He thought his actions might be upsetting her more
because she just continued to cry and kept her eyes closed, but she didn't move away and he
didn't want to stop.

As he continued to comfort her, like he always had and she knew he always would, she lost all
resolve to be mad at him. She loved him. That realization, coupled with the tenderness he was
showing, caused her to cry like she hadn't since her parents told her that they no longer loved
each other. Only this time, all the tears didn't come from sadness.

“I hate this,” she finally whispered a little breathlessly.

At her words, Harry stopped kissing her and moved backed slightly so that they were standing
with their foreheads together. His lips were so close to hers that she could feel every breath he
took, and it was driving her crazy.

“Hate what?” he asked with fear in his voice.

She took a moment to collect herself and then answered, “Fighting with you. The one person that
I've never felt like I had to pretend around, or defend myself to. The only person that has
ever accepted me all the way, good and bad.” Harry wanted to kiss her so bad in that moment and
prove that he was still that person, but she continued. “I hate looking into your eyes and not
knowing what your thinking or how your feeling.” She was totally out of breath at this point.
Hermione was clearly exhausted, but Harry couldn't let this opportunity slip away.

“You're not looking into my eyes right now,” he stated, noticing that she still hadn't
opened them since she started to cry again.

“I know” she replied simply, but her eyes remained closed. She knew that if she opened them now
and looked into those deep green eyes, the ones she dreams about, she would lose herself to him
forever, and she wasn't sure if she could do that yet.

Before she knew it, however, his breath moved away from her lips and he began to gently kiss
each of her eyelids, begging her silently she knew to just look at him.

When Harry felt her relenting, he shifted so that her eyes met directly with his the moment she
opened them. Their foreheads were once again together and their lips barley separated, every breath
intermingling.

“Hi,” he said, slightly above a whisper. He thought it sounded stupid to say at first, but then
he realized it was appropriate. He felt like he was staring into those beautiful brown eyes for the
first time again. Besides, he was so caught up in her that his brain couldn't process much more
than that anyway. He stood there silently for a while committing every detail of her face and this
moment to memory.

Hermione suddenly broke the quiet when she said, “You know if you plan on saying `I told you
so,' I'll drop you quicker and harder than I did Ernie tonight.” They looked into each
other's eyes for a moment and then burst into laughter. It felt really good to them both.

“I wouldn't dream of it,” he replied with the grin she's grown to love. “Besides,
that's not why I was waiting for you,” he said more seriously.

“Then why?” she asked with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

He looked away almost shyly for a second and then reached into his pocket to pull out the remote
to her CD player that he had been keeping. Eventually, he returned his eyes to hers, gave a small
shrug of his shoulders, and said simply, “I wanted to dance with you.” Then Harry turned on the
song he had programmed into her system earlier. It was Selena's “Dreaming of You.” He knew that
it was one of her favorite muggle songs, not to mention completely fitting for how he was feeling
tonight.

She stared at him in utter disbelief as he placed one hand at the small her back to keep her
body close and pulled her arm around his neck to keep their foreheads together and their eyes
locked. His other hand took hers and massaged it, lovingly locking and unlocking his grasp as he
interlaced his fingers with hers. They danced slowly for a few moments. Not really moving that
much, just swaying back and forth and holding each other.

Hermione eventually moved a little closer and brought her face to the side of his, so that her
lips were at his ear.

“You hate dancing…” she whispered softly.

Harry closed his eyes completely marveled at the shock she could send through his body just by
feeling her breath on his ear.

“…but you love it,” he finished tenderly.

Those words silenced all her doubts and she rapped both arms around him, never wanting to let go
again. The song eventually ended, but that didn't faze either of them. They just continued to
hold each other and enjoy every new feeling they were experiencing together.

“I'm sorry,” Harry whispered back to her, breaking the comfortable quiet.

“For what?” Hermione questioned confused.

“That it took my head so long to catch up with my heart,” he said sincerely. He could feel her
smile against his neck and knew that he was forgiven. She didn't have to say a word.

Finally, Harry took a determined breath and stood back only a few centimeters to hold her face
in his hands again. `Ok, this is it,' he told himself. He looked her deep in the eyes and was
ready to confess what his heart had known for most of his life. For some reason, he didn't have
any trouble saying it this time.

“I love you, Hermione Granger,” he breathed right against her lips.

Hermione felt a little lightheaded when she finally heard him say those words, but was able to
collect herself just enough to respond whole-heartedly.

“I love you more, Harry Potter,” she said with a smile in her voice.

“Not possible,” he challenged.

“Ok,” she relented.

“Did you just let me win our first fight, beautiful?” he asked, pretending to be shocked.

She couldn't help but grin, knowing it would be the first of many fights to come as a
couple. She also knew that they would work through every one and grow closer in the process.

“Yeah, but don't get used to it babe,” she quipped, finding it hard to concentrate with him
standing so close.

“Ok” he mumbled before finally closing the miniscule distance between them and kissing her
amazing lips. The kiss was slow, and gentle, and perfect. He continued to kiss her softly for
several minutes. Small, sweet, and almost innocent kisses. Eventually, he settled his lower lip in
between hers to begin sucking on her top lip, while stroking her cheek with his thumb. For a while,
Hermione didn't really respond that much. She was just enjoying his touch and letting him take
the first steps. When she started to return the kiss, however, it was with as much vigor as Harry
was expressing. She finally caught his lower lip and happily gave him as much attention as she was
receiving.

The kiss remained so heart achingly slow that it made them both weak in the knees, but, at the
same time, it grew deeper and more passionate with each passing minute. Harry let his tongue slip
through her lips at the first opportunity she allowed, and began to gently massage her tongue with
his. Hermione let his hands travel down the sides of her body, to graze every curve and then come
to rest on her hips. She was beginning to feel lightheaded from his actions. Nothing and no one had
ever made her feel this way before. Hermione knew in those moments that she wanted to spend the
rest of her life with him and if he didn't want to stop, she wouldn't ask him to.

He eventually did stop, however, completely out of breath. Hermione took this opportunity to
move lower and suck tenderly on his on his neck and the sensitive spot behind his right ear. She
could feel his breath quicken and loved the effect that she was having on him.

Harry knew that if they didn't stop soon things could get out of control, so he moved
himself just out of her lips reach to look into her eyes.

“We have the rest of our lives,” he stated matter-of-factly, as if it was always a given that
they would spend those lives together. Maybe it was. Nothing else needed to be said. They know they
have the time and the desire to build a stronger relationship, and to create a deeper bond than the
one they already share. And after that, they'll have a lifetime together to make love.

“Can I keep you,” she whispered already knowing the answer.

He grinned, “I'm standing here until you make me move.”

“How does forever sound?” she asked.

“Perfect,” he replied.

He then closed the physical gap between them again, closing any emotional gaps that had been
created right along with it. He knew that he loved her more than anything else in this world, and
that she felt the same. Nothing else mattered anymore.

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