Lullaby

1. Lullaby

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series or any associated characters, plots, or proper nouns. Duh.

A/N: This is my first fan-fiction. I'm working on a longer L/J fic, but I wanted to test the waters with this first. The lyrics in this story are from Billy Joel's “Lullaby” which I highly recommend listening too. It really channels the tone of this story- sad but hopeful. Please be kind and review! I need criticism and encouragement.

**Lullaby**

Goodnight, my angel

Time to close your eyes

And save these questions for another day

“Shhhh….,” Lily Potter whispered soothingly to the cooing bundle in her arms, gently swaying back and forth. Softly, she began to hum a nameless tune, her clear, sweet voice washing away all the cares present in the room, and for one moment, Lily was free to let go.

It was one of Lily's favorite parts of the day; a ritual shared between herself and her small son. She would stand by the window, rocking her precious child to sleep, watching as the stars began to multiply in the sky. Sometimes she would sing, othertimes just hum. Sometimes, she would even speak to her son, telling him stories or planning out his bright future. Slowly he would drift off to sleep, Lily would place him in his bed, and night would truly fall on the cozy home in Godric Hollow.

Tonight, however, Harry seemed to have things other then sleeping on his little mind. He reached out for Lily's hair, giggling happily when he managed to brush a curl. He was a precocious one year old, always laughing and bubbling with some baby plan which he tried to convey to his parents with gurgles and coos. Lily smiled serenely as she placed Harry into his crib, and attempted to tuck the squirming baby under a blanket.

With pained realization she reflected on how much he had grown the past few months. Pretty soon he would be leaving babyhood and venturing on into his toddler years, and not for the first time in Lily's life, she wished she could suspend time indefinitely. Her days since Harry's birth had been the most joyful, loving, and rewarding of her life, and as much as she was looking forward to the years to come, she was having a hard time imagining anything better. But of course there was always a dark cloud hovering around all thoughts of Harry, his future, and hers. Lily lived in silent fear that every night she spent with Harry, might be her last. She could no longer imagine life without him in it. Harry was one the one light that challenged the darkness threatening to envelope her entire world.

So lost in these bittersweet thoughts was Lily, that she didn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs and stopping in front of the door to the nursery. James Potter leaned against the frame and quietly observed his wife and son. Together they created quite the pretty tableau, and James felt as if he could stand there, just watching them for hours.

Lily was as beautiful as ever, with her wavy auburn hair, sparkling emerald eyes and athletic figure. But even more than these dazzling features, James noticed the glow that seemed to radiate from every pore of Lily's body. It is the radiance that only comes with motherhood, and Lily was overflowing with it, outshining even the autumn moonlight flooding through the windows.

And then there was Harry, the pride and joy of James' life. He had inherited his father's messy, raven-colored hair, and bright smile, but his mother's deep green eyes. His tiny laugh was enough to make James giddy with happiness, and the sight of his miniature fingers caused him endless amounts of wonderment. It was more than James could fathom that he had helped create this remarkable little person.

Snapping out of his reverie, James stepped into the room, causing the floor to creak and Lily to turn around. She smiled happily at her husband.

“Hello darling,” greeted James, crossing the room to his wife. He planted a soft kiss on her red lips, which slowly deepened into a more passionate one. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in even closer. Even after several years of marriage, James still felt a jolt of electricity surge through his body, followed by an overpowering feeling of belonging every time he kissed Lily. He knew he would never tire of it.

“What was that for?” questioned Lily after they had finally parted mouths.

“Just reminding myself how lucky I am,” replied James in his usual charming manner. Lily shook her head, chuckling to herself, and rested her head on her husbands shoulder. But what he said was true; everyday James asked himself what he had done to deserve Lily. He loved his wife now more then he did on the day he married her. Every morning he awoke with an eagerness to spend the day with her. Lily had made his entire life worthwhile.

The birth of Harry had only increased his adoration of her. They now shared a bond of love for their son that he knew could never be broken. He would do anything for Harry, and he knew she felt the same way.

Never in his life had James imagined that he could love two people so much. Who would have ever thought, that he, James Potter, only son of a wealthy pure-blood family, arrogant leader of the Maurauders, top of his class at Hogwarts, quidditch hero, powerful auror, confidant to Dumbledore, would be humbled by his blinding love for a redheaded angel and a tiny, dark-haired baby.

“Harry!” exclaimed a smiling Lily, as she turned around to try and calm her son who had managed to ditch his blanket and stand upright in his crib. “No, it's time for bed now.” She turned back to James saying, “Harry seems to take after you in at least one respect. Like his father, he does not understand the concept of proper bedtimes.”

“Well I couldn't very well be nicking food from the kitchens in broad daylight, now could I? And besides, you didn't complain much when it was you I was sneaking off to see.”

“That's beside the point. I hardly think Harry is ready to go wooing some witch during the middle of the night!”

“I dunno…Sirius started pretty early…” replied James cheekily. Lily looked back at him, rolling her eyes, and then turned her attentions back to her son. “Here,” said James. “Let me take him.”

James took Harry in his strong arms, and began to gently rock him back and forth. Lily smiled at her two boys, pleased with the sight. She thought back to before Harry was born. James had been so nervous and flustered with the prospect of a baby. He was so worried he wouldn't be a good father or that he wouldn't know what to do. But the second Harry was born, James transformed. It was if he had been born to love Harry, just as he had been born to love her.

Lily took a second and studied her husband. He still resembled the boy he had been at school: messy black hair, tall lanky body, and warm hazel eyes, but there was a softness to him that hadn't existed then. While most of his friends had become rougher around the edges with age, James had taken on a sort of gracefulness as he transitioned into manhood. War did strange things to people, and its effects were noticeable in everyone Lily knew, including herself. However, the relentless monster seemed stumped by James. Instead of growing into a battle-hardened soldier, her auror husband seemed only to feel the impact of love. True, he had matured, grown into a powerful wizard, and a responsible man. He was an important member of the Order and a hero in battle, but first and foremost he was a loving husband and father. Lily knew she could do no better.

I think I know what you've been asking me

I think you know what I've been trying to say

The thought of war carried Lily's mind away from her husband. She sighed and gazed out the window. James heard the breath escaping from Lily's mouth.

“What's wrong Lils?” he asked concernedly.

Lily sighed again and faced her husband. “Just thinking again, I guess.

“About?”

Lily frowned and stared at James. She didn't want to worry him unnecessarily with her private fears, but they had been making reoccurring appearances in her thoughts and dreams as of late and she found herself needing to talk. James reached over and grasped Lily's hand, encouraging her to continue, so she slowly let him in.

“About…about the future,” she said hesitantly, her green eyes flickering back to the window. “I can't help but feel, sometimes…I don't know… trapped… by our own destinies. I mean, what did we do to deserve this, with the prophecy and all? What did Harry do to deserve this? He's just a baby and already his entire life is set in stone for him.” She paused, reaching out to touch Harry's cheek, as if she might find inspiration in his soft skin. “Sometimes, when I look at him, he seems to know. He seems to really be aware that he is different, and it just kills me that I can't give him a good reason why, and I never will be able to…” She trailed off.

“Is that all?” asked James, stepping closer to her, trying to soothe her with his presence.

“No,” she choked, nearly whispering. “I worry that one day I will wake up, and Harry will be gone forever, and all I will have left is a few memories. And I worry that one night, you'll never come home…that you'll be killed in battle.” Tears filled her eyes at these words, as she continued, gazing desperately up at James. “Every time you walk out our door, I see your body just lying on the ground, cold in death, and I wish to Merlin I could just call you back. I know it's selfish, but I'm just tired of this war and what it is doing to the world. We have seen so many families torn apart and ruined, and I just can't help but think that we may be next.”

In one, sweeping motion, James seized Lily is a one-armed embrace, with Harry in the crook of his other. He leaned his forehead against hers, and silently began to kiss the tears off her red cheeks.

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

“Lils, I wish more than anything that I could tell you that nothing bad is going to happen. I wish I could give Harry another life, free from this war. I wish that I could answer all his questions, and pacify all the uncertainty you see in him. But I can't. I'm sorry, and it kills me to say that.” He too was falling victim to the pools of sadness forming behind his eyelids. He paused for a moment, trying to blink his tears away.

“But,” he continued, his voice shaking, “I can promise you this. I will love you forever, and for the eternity after that. You have been the eternal spring in my darkest winters, the bright star in my blackest nights, the miraculous rainbow at the end of every storm. It would be impossible for me to ever leave you or stop loving you.”

“Oh, James,” whispered Lily, nestling her head on his shoulder and against his neck, sobbing openly onto his robes. “I love you too.”

“And what's more,” said James, finding some control in his voice. He shifted slightly and pulled Harry in between himself as his wife. “We have Harry, and we'll always have him. No matter where we are, or what happens in life, our love for him has forged a bond that can never be broken. Not even magic is powerful enough to break that, and that's what we have, you, me, and Harry: true, indestructible, undying love.

“But how do you know James? Even with Voldemort…” Lily shuddered at the name. “It seems so…. How can you be so sure?”

James took a long, deep breath, replaced his anxious face with a peaceful smile that startled Lily, and gazed into the eyes of his beautiful wife. “Because I believe in us. I believe in what we discovered within our souls and what connects our hearts. Because I believe in Harry and the power of a baby's laugh. Because I believe in the connection between parents and their children. Because, I believe in love. It's as simple as that. And it was you who taught me to believe Lily. You and Harry, and I have never been so sure of anything in my life.”

It was with those words that Lily was finally reassured. James was right; what they had was rare and special. She smiled back at her husband through the tears, and then bent down to kiss a now calm Harry on the head, at last able to answer his unasked question.

“Love, Harry. That's my answer.”

Wherever you may go

No matter where you are

I never will be far away

* * * * * * * * *

Goodnight, my angel

Now it's time to sleep

The faint sound of a door shutting finally broke James and Lily apart. Lily looked at her husband questioningly. He shook his head, and handed Harry back to her. Calmly he withdrew his wand from beneath his robes but Lily noticed that James' eyes were wide and alert. And there was something else, she noted with alarm. Something she hardly ever saw in her husband. Fear.

“What is it, James?”

“Must be a draft. I probably didn't lock the door properly,” he replied steadily. “Stay here with Harry. I'll be right back,” James said starting for the doorway.

“Are you sure…” began Lily.

“Yes, just put him to bed and I'll be back in a minute. Don't worry.” James kissed Lily on the forehead, gave her one of his lop-sided grins she had come to adore so much, and confidently walked out the door.

Once he was out of sight of the nursery, James slowed down his swaggering stride and dropped all pretense of assurance. He hadn't wanted Lily to see it, but he was unnerved. He couldn't explain why, but for some reason the sound from below had put him on edge. Suddenly, the upstairs hallway had never seemed so dark. Stop it, James mentally chastised himself. You're being silly. Still, when he reached the top landing of the darkened staircase, he lit his wand rather then the entire room below.

Slowly, James made his way down the stairs, trying to avoid the usual creaky steps. He peered about his dark living room as he descended, trying to find something that was out of place. It was not until he reached the bottom that he noticed the evil red orbs staring at him from the corner. A low, hissing voice that made James' blood run cold, issued from the shadow surrounding the eyes.

“Potter…”

In that instant, James momentarily froze. His breath caught in his chest as an icy grip caught hold of him. For the first time in his life, he was completely paralyzed with fear. His eyes seemed permanently affixed on the evil red ones before him. As if it were from another lifetime, James remembered Lily's voice, “Every time you walk out our door, I see you dying, your body just lying on the ground, cold in death...” He trembled at the thought of what those words meant, never wanting Lily to have to feel that hurt.

From across the dark room, a soft, high laugh reached James' ears, releasing him from his trance. Narrowing his eyes, James took a step forward, his thoughts now with his wife and son in the room above him. He knew what he had to do.

And still so many things I want to say

Remember all the songs you sang for me

When we went sailing on an emerald bay

“Lily,” shouted James in strangled voice, “its him! Take Harry and go!” The evil laughter from the shadow increased at this.

“It's no use boy!” taunted Voldemort. “They have no place to go. Harry is mine!” With that proclamation, Voldemort stepped out of the corner and into the dim light cast by James' wand. He was frighteningly tall, taller then even James, and draped in a long, sinister looking, black cloak. His abnormally, pale, long fingers were at his side, one of them holding a wand. His face was flat and snake like, bearing little resemblance to a human being, and his eyes seemed to burn with a red flame.

Undaunted, James took another stride forward, and hoping to catch him by surprise, raised his wand and shouted, “Expelliarmus!” at the wicked figure before him. Almost lazily, Voldemort raised his own wand, and without uttering a word, carelessly cast the spell aside.

James blinked, taken aback by the ease at which Voldemort deflected the spell, but then kept on advancing, intent on keeping his foe as far away from the staircase as possible, trying to stall for time. A part of him realized the inevitability of the situation, but he knew he couldn't go down without a fight. He was beyond the fear of death and his only purpose was to protect Lily and Harry.

“It's no use,” repeated Voldemort. “Stand aside, before I make you!” He quickly closed the gap between himself and James.

Defiantly James held his ground and sent another spell at the figure before him. Again, Voldemort blocked the spell, and then pointing his wand at James' chest, he spoke the curse, “Avada Kedavra!”

But James was ready. Quickly shouting, “Protego!” he deflected the spell to the side, stumbling backwards a pace at the force of the curse. He readily steadied himself, and faced Voldemort again, square-shouldered and proud.

Voldemort scowled at James' quick, Quidditch born reflexes. “I grow tired of this.” he hissed coolly. “It is time you said farewell for good.” Again Voldemort raised his wand, and in a rage he shouted, “Avada Kedavra!”

There was to be no blocking of this curse. James saw it hurtling toward him as if it were in slow-motion and knew he wouldn't be able prevent it from reaching its target. In a moment that seemed to last forever, James' mind flickered to Lily. His consciousness was flooded with memories of his life with her and he felt a deep stab of longing arise in his stomach. Merlin, how he loved her…

He could still remember the first time he saw her on the train. He hadn't known how to act around her so he had pulled her hair, taking an immediate fancy to those long, auburn locks. She hated him after that, but at the tender age of eleven, James had fallen in love at first sight.

He remembered their first date. How she had walked out on him, declaring him an arrogant git. How he still knew, even at that embarrassing moment, that she was it; that she was the only one for him.

He remembered their first kiss, so soft, and so sweet. And, oh! The way she had looked at him afterwards with those soulful emerald eyes. It was then he had discovered the true meaning of bliss.

He remembered dancing under the stars, holding her close to his chest. Every breath he drew mingled with hers as they spoke to each other of their fears and dreams. He still swore the world had stopped spinning for a time.

With an aching pain of yearning, he remembered the first time they had made love. It was the first time for both of them and it was the most beautiful experience of his entire life. It had filled him with a sensation of completeness that he had not realized was missing from his life until then. He remembered the feeling of holding her naked body in his arms, the scent of her tousled hair as she drifted to sleep on his chest, the sound of her quite breathing as they lay together, content with the world. He remembered waking with the dawn and just watching her sleep for hours; the whispered “I love you” she gave him when she awoke.

He remembered their wedding day. He had never been so sure of anything in his life then when he stood at the end of the aisle, watching Lily walk towards him. She was the most breathtaking sight he had ever beheld and he was brimming with eagerness to spend the rest of his life loving her.

He remembered the day Harry was born and how tired but utterly joyful Lily had looked when she at last held her son. And then there was Harry, this little person he had created, sleeping silently in his arms. James could ask for nothing better then to be blessed with the love of such a remarkable woman and son.

This can't be happening, though James. There were so many things he still wanted to do. He wanted to be sure Lily knew what she meant to him; to know that she had filled his life with never ending love and joy. He wanted to watch his son grow up and play quidditch. He wanted to hold Lily in his arms, and kiss her goodbye as hard as he could, to reassure her that everything would be ok. He wanted to hear Harry say “da-da” one last time…

And like a boat out on the ocean

I'm rocking you to sleep

The pain from the curse hit him like a truck and all coherent thought was forced from James' head. He felt himself keel backwards as his whole body shook with blinding hurt. His head felt like it was being split open with an axe and his torso burned as if it were on fire. Opening his mouth, he tried to cry aloud, but found that his voice would not work.

And then, just as suddenly as it had come, the pain disappeared. Faintly, James felt his head hit the wooden floor. His vision became distorted and his view from the ground began to shrink as the edges blurred and darkness took over. Dimly, he made out two red eyes gazing at him from above as an evil laugh echoed in his head. James could only stare back, his mouth still wide open in shock. He tried desperately to fight the dusk that his body urged him to succumb to, but he no longer could feel anything. I am going to die looking at those eyes, thought James. Those evil, red…Eyes. Eyes... Eyes! Green eyes…

James suddenly found himself staring into a pair of bottomless emerald irises. The beautiful eyes of his wife, of Lily. His Lily. James saw this, and with one last ounce of strength, he smiled, remembering something at the final moment.

Harry has Lily's eyes…

With that, James Potter died. No bells tolled and the ground didn't quake. The heavens didn't cry aloud, and no angels swooped down to carry him away. There was no bolt of lightening or pound of thunder. The earth just kept spinning, and the stars still twinkled serenely. No recognition was given from the world that one of its proudest and bravest had just departed for always.

As he drifted away, passing the barrier between the living and the dead, he took one last earthly look on those he had left behind. Gazing at a vision of his wife and son, James was suddenly overcome with an overriding sense of peace and comfort. He knew he had lived his life to its fullest because of them and he was completely satisfied. He had done his duty on earth in dying defending the ones he loved, and in his heart he realized that everything would be alright. This isn't forever, James thought. I'll always have them, and we'll meet again soon.

The water's dark

And deep inside this ancient heart

You'll always be a part of me

* * * * * * * * *

Goodnight, my angel

Now it's time to dream

James was dead. Lily could feel it.

While she had been hurrying to get Harry from his crib, something had reached deep inside her and ripped at her soul. Now, clutching Harry tightly to her chest, Lily stood in the middle of the room, tears brimming in her vibrant eyes.

She felt helpless and alone. Her heart, her mind, her entire being was aching with loss. She knew that if anyone were to look inside her, they would find only half a person. James had been her life for so long now. He completed her in every way.

Lily began to lose all control of her emotions and tears began to stream down her face. It was as if she was drowning slowly in an ocean of tears, and Lily wasn't sure if she remembered how to swim. She wasn't sure if she even cared. Death was the only thing that felt familiar to her now. Death was where James was…

A single tear fell from Lily's chin and landed on Harry's cheek. Still asleep, Harry whimpered softly, extended his tiny hand and brushed Lily's arm. She looked down at her slumbering child; a child completely oblivious to the violence and pain surrounding him; a child overflowing with innocence and joy; a child with James's unruly hair and cheeky smile, and suddenly Lily was fully aware of her beating heart. The numbness holding her body hostage began to thaw and her head started to clear.

She still had Harry and through her tears she remembered James' words to her that evening.

“I can promise you this. I will love you forever, and for the eternity after that. You have been the eternal spring in my darkest winters, the bright star in my blackest nights, the miraculous rainbow at the end of every storm. It would be impossible for me to ever leave you or stop loving you.”

Lily looked inside her breaking heart, and found her belief in those words. James was with her; she could discern his presence within. He may have failed to exist on earth, but she knew that he was watching her from just over her shoulder, giving her the strength she needed to protect Harry.

Lily heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and knowing she had no time to escape, she chose the only option she had. She would fight.

And dream how wonderful your life will be

The door burst open and Lily gazed upon the figure of Voldemort, dwarfed by his immense stature. She trembled slightly but maintained her composure and remembered what she needed to do.

Backing up slowly, she felt with her free hand for the crib behind her. Thinking that the woman was trying to retreat, Voldmort let lose a sickening laugh. “There is nothing to be done, girl! Harry is mine at last!”

Ignoring this exclamation, Lily reached the crib. Gently, she placed Harry in the bedding, pausing for one moment to take in his baby features that so reminded her of James. Even though she knew it had to be done, Lily found the idea of leaving her child hard to bear. But looking at him slumbering peacefully, she knew she was doing the right thing. This wasn't Harry's night. He had things to do. Things, Lily knew, that would one day be spoken about by witches and wizards all over the world. His destiny was much different then hers and she had to make sure he was around to live it.

Finally tearing her eyes away from her child, Lily took a step forward, withdrew her wand from her robes, and pointed it at Voldemort. “No,” she said quietly but firmly.

Someday your child may cry

And if you sing this lullaby

“Stand aside, silly girl!” hissed Voldemort, menacingly.

At the sound of the foreign voice, Harry began to cry aloud. The noise caused Voldemort to smile cruelly.

“Please!” choked Lily, shaking with fear and anger, “Not Harry! Take me instead! He's just a baby!”

“I said, stand aside!” ordered Voldemort impatiently. “There is nothing you can do!” He took a step closer to Lily and the crib, wand extended.

Lily refused to move. Resolutely, she stood her ground as the figure in front of her advanced to within a couple of feet.

“So be it,” spoke Voldmort. He opened his mouth to utter the deadly curse.

Lily closed her eyes. With every fiber in her body she concentrated on the image of her son and James. Something in her heart told her she was doing the right thing. She remembered her husband's unfailing faith in the power of love. Silently, she willed her son to hear her last thoughts.

I love you Harry. I will love you forever. Even though you may not be able to see me, know that I will always be with you. Love like this is never lost. You can always find it again within yourself. Everything is going to be alright. I love you.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Lily collapsed in a heap on the floor and the life instantly flew from her body. She watched as Voldemort stepped over her sprawled arms, and advanced on the crib.

But she wasn't scared.

As she floated away, she knew she had left something behind for Harry. It was almost as if a part of her being was still in that room. She could feel herself within Harry, her love coursing through his veins.

And she felt something else.

Something so magnificent that it almost startled her. Alongside her love, something else existed within her small child. It was waiting there, like a lion waiting to be unleashed from his cage. Lily could not believe that such a small child could contain such a potent force.

It was power. Power beyond anything Lily had ever known or felt before. She could feel it radiating from Harry's core and its sheer brilliance made her tremble. It was something bigger then herself, bigger than anything she had ever known.

It was his power to love.

Then in your heart

There will always be a part of me

* * * * * * * * *

Someday we'll all be gone

But lullabies go on and on...

Lily watched the bedroom as if she was peering through a telescope. The tall figure of Voldemort gazed down into the crib with his cold eyes. With a sardonic grin, he pointed his wand down at the black haired, green-eyed boy. With an earth-shattering, triumphant roar, he uttered the killing curse.

There was a blinding light and a flash of green. The house exploded in ball of dust, fire, and sound. And then, as quickly as it happened, it ceased, and there was a deafening silence.

Lily watched the ashes slowly settle in wonder and listened. She listened for the sound she knew she would hear. Her faith had not failed.

She was right.

The sound of a baby's cry reached her ears, and Lily knew that she had succeeded. Her love for Harry had protected him. Harry was alive and Voldemort was gone, at least for the present.

Lily knew he wasn't completely destroyed yet. She knew that in order to fulfill his destiny, Harry would meet him again.

They never die

All at once James was besides her.

They looked at one another. The passion flowing between them was almost tangible and they were speechless, overpowered by all the emotions within themselves. They remained like that for a long time, never removing their eyes from one another, as if each were scared that the other would disappear.

Lily broke the moment first. In one, graceful leap she was in her husbands arms. James buried his face into her soft hair and pulled her body as close to his as possible.

“Merlin, Lily,” he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too, James.”

They broke apart a fraction and shared a simple kiss. For James and Lily it was like being born again. They felt their souls fuse with something too beautiful to exist on earth. In that instant, they were filled with the soothing feeling that they would never be parted again.

Turning back towards the ruins of their former house and their child laying amidst the rubble, James and Lily seemed to read one another's thoughts.

He's got a long road ahead of him.

Yes, but he has us. We'll never truly leave him.

James smiled fondly at Lily, brushing a wisp of hair out of her eyes. Turning back to the image of his child, he whispered for the both of them, “We love you Harry. Forever.”

That's how you

And I

Will be

* * * * * * * * *