Break Me

sodasqueak

Rating: R
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 12/07/2005
Last Updated: 20/07/2005
Status: completed

Hermione gives her virginity to Harry to help him battle his depression after the events of Book 5. No longer a one shot. Please Review, even just to say my story sucks:)

Chapters

1. Break Me

2. Fade Into You

1. Break Me

Chapter One: Break Me

(Author's Note: This is a Harry/Hermione Fic based on he song Break Me by Jewel. It was originally intended to be a one-shot, but the suggestions of all my wonderful readers gave me some great ideas of how I could continue it. I think you guys already know the drill, but Harry Potter and it's characters do not belong to me. Anyways, please read and review, and have a great day!)

He kissed her in his darkened room. He kissed her with a passion she had never thought could possibly come from someone so deprived of love. It sent a shiver up her spine.

She wasn't exactly sure why they were doing this. Why she was letting him do this. How they had even got here. All she knew was that he needed this. And she was willing to provide.

I will meet you in some place
Where the light lends itself to soft repose

She would have done anything for him. He was her best friend in the world, and she was willing to do anything to make him feel better when he was hurt, or sad, or weighed down by the burden placed upon him by the Prophecy.

And she was in love with him. She had realized it at the end of Fifth Year, when she had almost lost him forever. She had really always been in love with him, she reasoned. So if her best friend in the world, who she also happened to be madly in love with, told her that kissing her would make him feel better, she would bloody well let him have at it!

That was how they had ended up here on this cloudy afternoon, she supposed, in his darkened bedroom that smelled so distinctly like him that she would have been content to sit here for an hour and soak in his scent.

But when he kissed her, everything changed. She had never been this close to him before; he had never asked her for something as intimate as a kiss. But from the moment he first kissed her, she began to lose control; the reasonable side of her brain left and the part of her that was in love with him remained. The part of her that saw him as a highly attractive male that was kissing her remained. She was completely lost to him, and she realized, with some discomfort, that she could not refuse him anything he asked.

Which was why she did not object when he moved from simply kissing her to running his hands up and down her body. This was really the first time she had let someone touch her like this, but with him it felt so natural and so right. The rational part of her brain, the part that had left and was now screaming at her from a distant corner of the room, was telling her that this was wrong; she was making out with her best friend, for crying out loud, and they hadn't even talked about this; and things were moving along at quite a pace.

The warm pressure of his hands running up and down her sides was replaced with the cool sensation of his palms against her bare skin, as they slid under her shirt and over the soft lace of her bra. Slowly, his hands lifted the material away from her skin, and a blast of cold air hit her stomach as he lifted the shirt over her head and let it fall to his bedroom floor. His hands reached for the button of her jeans, but a small part of her normal brain woke up, and she stayed his hands.

"Harry."

It wasn't a question.

"I love you," he replied.

He was only saying what he thought she wanted to hear, and she knew it. She knew he did love her, but not in the way she desperately wished that he would. She was willing to give herself up to him, though, for his sanity's sake, at least. She knew he would never ask her for something like this if he didn't truly need it, especially when it would most likely be a one time endeavor. And she knew she had an obligation to him, not just as his friend, but as a citizen of the world at large, to help him on with his mission, which was a struggle for life day by day. And if this was what he needed, she would give it to him.

Loving him only complicated the matter for her in a way he was unable to see. He couldn't help it; there was no way he could know.

She sent him a mental signal that she was willing, but that he had to understand her hesitancy, and that she would not be as perfect as he might envision in his passionate moment. He seemed to understand her fear when she looked in his eyes; he began to move slower, but somehow got her jeans off her legs in a matter of seconds.

I will let you undress me
But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose

He gently lifted her onto his bed, kissing her heated skin all the while. Despite the gentleness of his touch, she began to realize how strong he was, how he could break her in an instant. But she felt that his words could ultimately do more damage than his hands; oh, the myriad of things he could say to her, meant kindly, but that would shatter her heart into a million pieces.

And you could hurt me with your bare hands
You could hurt me using the sharp end of what you say

But none of that mattered now. She was lost in his sweet kisses and his embrace; that part of her which had silently pleaded with her to stop from the corner of the room crawled out of the door and left utterly, and that part of her could have died and she wouldn't have noticed it any more.

But I am lost to you now
There's no amount of reason to save me

He was over her and under her and around her all at once; her remaining clothing and all of his was somehow shed, and suddenly she was naked and pressed up against him, skin to skin. He looked deep into her eyes, silently asking permission. She looked at him while a thousand thoughts flashed through her mind: How sexy he had become; How much she loved him; What a mistake this would probably turn out to be. Slowly she closed her eyes and leaned forward to capture his lips...

So break me, take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me, take me
Just let me feel your love again

... She felt him pause and opened her eyes to find his green ones staring intently at her. They were so like the ocean; dark and deep.

Feels like being underwater
Now that I've let go and lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

She felt she was drowning; drowning in his kisses, drowning in his eyes, and drowning in him. There was no turning back now.

So break me, take me
Just let me fill your arms again
Break me, I'll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

* * *

She awoke when he kissed her goodbye.

"Hermione, I have to go, I'm sorry," he whispered while his lips brushed her forehead. She looked up at him and tried to smile. He kissed her on the cheek and left.

Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice

God, it felt so good to wake up in his bed. She wished he could have stayed. Where did he have to run off to so early? Especially seeing as they had just made love the night before and all? But he did look better, she conceded to herself. Much better. Less depressed. Happier. More like his old self. And if he was happy, she was happy. Everything would be all right...

Break me, take me
Just let me feel your love again
Break me, I'll let you make me
Just let me fill your arms again
Just let me feel your love again.

2. Fade Into You

Chapter 2: Fade Into You

(Author's Note: Well, here it is, the second chapter of my original one-shot. After letting some ideas stew in my brain for a few weeks, I've come up with this. Sorry it's so short. Please review and let me know what you think. I want to especially thank everyone that responded to the first chapter and urged me to continue. All constructive criticism and other comments are welcomed! This second chapter was inspired by the song Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. Please enjoy!)

Fade into you
Strange you never knew

After drifting off into restless sleep once again in Harry's bed, Hermione awoke in the early hours of the morning to find his body pressed up against hers.

So he came back, she thought triumphantly to herself for a minute; then the realization struck that that meant they would definitely be talking about this. And where had he gone off to anyway?

Hermione shifted slightly and eased herself off the bed slowly so as not to disturb Harry's sleeping form. She wasn't so sure she wanted to talk to him just yet. Her current nudity and the steady ache between her legs reminded her of the previous night's activities; she wrapped herself in a sheet and retrieved her underwear from Harry's floor. As she got back into bed, she noticed Harry had also put his boxers back on. But he did go somewhere, she reasoned, of course he got dressed.

Hermione was surprised to find Harry's arms wrapping around her even as he slept. Was it possible he felt something for her after all?

Even as Hermione settled down and listened to Harry's steady breathing, he shifted and his beautiful emerald eyes fluttered open. Hermione smiled at him, but he only returned it with a concerned look.

"Here."

He reached over the side of the bed and brought up a tray with some food and a bouquet of flowers.

"I'm sorry I left. I went to get you breakfast."

"Thank you."

He watched her intently as she took a tentative bite of toast.

"Oh Harry, this is so awkward."

She put the toast down.

"Hermione... I'm sorry," he mumbled, fiddling with a loose string in his bedspread.

"For what?"

She shifted the tray so she could roll over in the bed and look at him.

"Well... I just feel bad... like I've used you. I mean, I knew when I asked you to - well, you know - I knew you wouldn't say no. So I guess I feel like I've taken advantage. I mean, I know it was your first time..."

She regarded him for a moment.

"Is that the only reason you asked me, and not someone else?"

"Well, no... I meant what I said while we were - well..."

He looked up.

"I do love you, Hermione."

"As a friend," she finished somewhat coolly.

"No. I - I'm in love with you."

Her head snapped up. She had not been expecting that.

"I'm in love with you too,"she said somewhat breathlessly.

"Really?"

"Really. Harry, I had no idea you felt the same... Yes, it hurt, to think you didn't return my feelings, but I would do anything for you Harry... anything. I had always hoped you would be my first," she ended somewhat shyly.

"I love you," he whispered.

He moved closer to her and kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck...

"Harry," she breathed, "make love to me... please."

He responded by rolling on top of her.

* * *

This time was more intimate than the night before; last night had been about escape, but now was about their expression of love. To Hermione, certain moments seemed to be almost in slow motion, like when they finally joined as one, but the rest was a whirl of skin, lips, and soft sighs of pleasure.

Again, Harry left her breathless and trembling against him as he rolled them over into a more comfortable position and held her close.

"I love you," he said, as he kissed the top of her head. "You are my song, my dream, my happiness, all I could ever want. I'm sorry you didn't know."

She smiled.

Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew.