All Falls Down

Nilrem

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 5
Published: 14/07/2005
Last Updated: 14/07/2005
Status: in_progress

It has taken Harry Potter 18 years to confront his feelings. What is left when the walls all fall down?

Chapters

1. 1. The Discovery

1. 1. The Discovery

Disclaimer: All hers. Not mine.

All Falls Down

Chapter 1

He sat, staring, his emotions bottled up as always. Harry Potter found that he was spending more and more time sitting, staring into space. The rustle of leaves across his feet and the gentle breeze across his face brought him back to his senses. He'd been sitting down by the lake in his distinctive pensive manner for almost all of the afternoon. As he realised the sun was due to set, he lugged himself up from his accustomed spot and began to walk back towards the magnificent castle.

The final battle had ended two month ago, half way through Harry's final year at Hogwarts. Many had been under the impression that once it was all over, the casualties recovered and the particulars dealt with, that Harry would begin to live the happy life that he deserves; it appears however that these assumptions had been mere misconceptions. It wasn't that Harry was mournful, as Dumbledore's impeccable strategies had made the battle entirely successful without one loss on the Order's side. Not since Sirius. No in fact it was quite on the contrary, Harry sat in hope, trying to figure out exactly what it was he was supposed to do with himself now, he had become worn to the fact that his existence had been a means to an end, a prophecy of vanquish, he had never considered what his life would be like without Voldemort in it. So he sat, wondering what it was he was supposed to feel, supposed to do now that it was all over. This pursuit appeared to be up to the point to be in vain.

Harry entered the entrance hall in a daze and collided head on with a first year Hufflepuff who fell unceremoniously to the marble floor, the contents of her bag following suit.

“I'm so sorry.” Harry said earnestly. As he was at least two feet taller than the girl he had remained in a standing position as she was knocked down. Harry knelt and reached out his hands gently pulling the girl to her feet. “I really should look where I'm going,” he smiled.

The girl looked somewhere in between shock from the fall and awe from being talked to and no least touched by Harry Potter, she quietly uttered her thanks as Harry summoned her belongings to her bag and replaced it softly over her shoulder. Harry smiled warmly once more and turned, heading for the staircase to Gryffindor tower. The Hufflepuff returned to her friends, who were grinning and giggling furiously as they exited onto the grounds.

“Smooth.” Harry heard a familiar voice say.

He looked up to see a group of 7th year girls standing on the stairs, watching, more specifically, Hermione Granger, who was leaning on the banister, gazing down upon him with warm eyes.

“You know me.” Harry grinned weakly, rolling his eyes.

“I certainly do,” Hermione replied turning to face her friends, Hannah and Susan, “Go on ahead. I'll be with you in a few minutes.”

She smiled at Harry as the Hufflepuff girls walked off towards the grounds.

“You've been by the Lake again,” she said matter a factly.

“Yeah.”

“Again,” she emphasised quietly.

“Yeah,” Harry repeated.

“Well then,” Hermione said as Harry reached the step she was standing on, “Past occurrences have taught me that this is the time when I'm supposed to say, `Are you okay Harry?' Or `Would you like to talk about it?' However, they've also taught me that you'll just respond with the usual, `I'm fine, don't worry about me.'

Harry laughed gently as Hermione stood on her tip toes and lowered her voice in imitation of him.

“So I won't lecture you in my usual fashion, instead I'll just let you know that everything will be fine and whatever it's you're worried about will all work out as long as we're all in it together.”

Hermione ran her hand down Harry's arm and squeezed soothingly upon reaching his balled up fist.

“Don't stay out there for too long either, you'll catch a cold,” Hermione softly said as she casually brushed off dried earth from Harry's robe.

“It's warm out.” Harry shrugged it off.

“It's still February though and before you know it you could be laying in the Hospital Wing with the flu.” She smiled. “Besides, I miss having you around…we all do.”

“You worry too much. I'm fine, just have things on my mind, you know?” Harry said in his usual manner, something that Hermione was both expecting and accustomed to.

“Yeah, I know.” Hermione squeezed Harry's hand once more and began to descend the stairs.

Harry watched as she headed for the great wooden door at the front of the main hall. As she approached it, she turned to face him.

“Don't be a stranger,” she called before turning to leave.

*************

“Where'd you go off to?” Ron asked Harry as he flopped down onto a large squashy sofa in the common room.

“Just out and about, savouring Hogwarts while I can,” Harry replied as he laid his head back onto the couch. “I was hoping you'd let me get my arse kicked at chess too.”

“I would Harry, but I've got places to go and people to see,” Ron said with a wink. “I'll be back later on tonight though; I'll beat you then mate.”

“I don't think I even want to know where you're going, do I?” Harry asked with a laugh. “I just ran into Hermione, she was going somewhere too. What do you suppose she's doing with Hannah and Susan?”

“That's just one of those things for them to know, and for us to never find out,” Ron replied with another wink.

“How d'ya mean?” asked Harry.

“They're probably off with some boys making out under a tree.”

“You're not serious?” asked Harry seriously, eyeing Ron.

“Of course not.” Ron laughed. “They're out in the grounds doing research for Herbology. Homework or boys, which do you think Hermione would pick?” Ron asked as he stood up.

“You have a point.” Harry smiled. “Are you going now?”

“Yup, how do I look?” Ron asked, running his fingers through hair.

“Like a puff, but I assume the girls you go after would appreciate that.”

“Piss off you smarmy wanker.”

*************

Harry awoke with a start. After Ron had left the common room, he had sprawled out over the couch and drifted off into a soothing sleep. This was a new experience for Harry, as usually his dreams were gateways into his emotional trauma, but now, months after the battle, he slept with ease, much like the times he had taken dreamless sleep potions. Today, much to Harry's relief, he was awoke not by the prickly nature of his scar but by a cushion being tossed at him. Looking round he saw a group of second year boys looking very sheepish and red faced, all of whom were not looking directly at him.

As Harry sat up, he felt distinctively alone. None of his friends were in sight, he was easily the eldest in the room and for the first time ever and much to his surprise, he felt as though he was out of place in his sanctuary. The feeling that the Gryffindor common room was projecting on to him was making him uneasy, sure he had felt this way before, but only when he resided in Privet Drive, never here, in his home.

Harry stood abruptly and left the room, the noise of chatter, which grew louder and louder in his ears until it was a deafening shrill, following him. He clambered through the portrait hole and raced through the corridors. To where? He didn't know. As he raced further, the sound of his heart beating was the only noise in his ears. Stopping, he leaned back against a corridor wall and slumped down towards the floor. His breaths steadied from sharp and fast to even and slow. He couldn't explain the emotion that had come over him, it added to his questioning of belonging.

For weeks Harry had questioned how he fitted in. Did he belong at Hogwarts, now that his purpose was over? Did he belong in the wizarding community? What was he to do with his life once he finished the infamous school? He sat. He felt alone.

Where are you're friends? A voice in his mind asked him.

“Out being normal.”

Without you.

“Shut up!” he told himself.

Harry was happy that his friends were out making the best of their remaining months at Hogwarts, doing what they both loved best, Hermione, studying and Ron, womanising. But somewhere deep inside of him was a small iota of jealousy that he wished he could control. He wished he could join in, but no matter what he did, it didn't feel right and wasn't like he hadn't tried.

As Harry sat, staring at the corridor wall in front of him, he realised what it was he needed so much. Closure. More than anything he needed someone to hold him in their arms and tell him it would be alright, to tell him the truth. For eighteen years, Harry had dealt with life with an impenetrable wall surrounding his heart which stopped him from acknowledging his emotions. He needed to feel, to ignore the numbness which he had washed over himself for so many years. Someone to tell him it would be okay and point him in the right direction. What he needed was a sign. What he needed was a beacon of strength to break down those walls.

Harry Potter realised exactly where he was when he next looked up. A door had appeared before him.

***********

His hand hovered over the handle for what felt like hours. He was apprehensive as to what was on the other side; who was on the other side. He realised once he was in there, there was no turning back. Once the walls started to crumble, they wouldn't stop.

With a deep intake of air, he rushed through the door, closing it behind him before it faded away.

Harry's eyes widened as he looked upon it. It had been six years since he first saw it. It stood in an inviting and warm light, yet Harry was hesitant. His breathing sped up, an eerie cold crawling inside of him. He remembered distinctly what Dumbledore had said all those years ago.

`If ever you do run across it, you will now be prepared. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.”

Taking another deep breath, he raised all his courage. Harry walked forward and stood before it. In an instant, the eerie cold was replaced with extraordinary warmth. He felt the emotion bounding towards and washing over him like never before. He was completely over come by it, such that he felt the tears prickle in his eyes and begin to cascade down his face as he looked upon the…Mirror of Erised.

A/N: Thanks go to Goddessofthenight for Beta reading.

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