11 Things Spouses Shouldn't Do

theweirdgirl

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 4
Published: 14/07/2005
Last Updated: 26/08/2008
Status: in_progress

Just a guide by yours truly.

Chapters

1. Prologue

2. Chapter One

3. Chapter Two

4. Chapter Three

5. Chapter Four

6. Chapter Five

7. Chapter Six

8. Chapter Seven

1. Prologue

Prologue

GW: Hello, one and all. I'm Ginny Weasley and this is-

DM: - her boyfriend. The charming, witty, good looking, aristocratic, sex-

*smack*

DM: Ow! What was that for, you little chit?

GW: Anyway, as I was saying, this is Draco Malfoy. We're here to help you have a long and healthy relationship with some simple tips and guidelines to follow.

DM: You'll get to see her trials and tribulations.

GW: Dealing with the nitwit next to me.

DM: Hey! I take offense to that.

GW: Ask me if I've ever cared, darling.

*Draco huffs*

GW: Alright. He's going to be a big baby and not talk to me for a while. So while I'm single… any takers?

*Colin Creevey appears onstage*

*Draco sputters indignantly*

DM: I thought you were gay! You are in practically every story!

CC: I always said that I'd go straight for Gin, mate.

DM: I thought you were joking…

CC: Sorry. That's how it is.

*Draco gets on floor and starts rocking back and forth in fetal position*

GW: *whispers* You think he fell for it?

CC: *whispers* Oh, yeah…

GW: *back to normal voice* Well… that's all the time we have for today, so stick around!

*Draco jumps up*

DM: NO! No one's going anywhere until we resolve this issue. As in you go and Avada yourself, Colin. Gin's all mine. Bugger off.

*Colin shrugs and walks off stage*

*Draco nods in approval and appeasement*

*Ginny is beside herself with hysterical laughter, but Draco is ignoring it completely*

GW: Draco.

DM: Yes?

*Ginny pauses for a second and thinks better of it*

GW: I love you.

DM: Took you long enough, wench.

*smack*

DM: Stop hitting me, woman!

GW: Stop calling me bloody names and I will!

*Draco grumbles under his breath*

*Ginny glares*

GW: I heard that. I'm not coming back home tonight.

*Draco gasps*

DM: But-but-but-

GW: I'll be with Dean and Seamus and you can go sod yourself, you stupid wanker.

DM: NO! I love you, I need you… Don't leave me…

*Insert puppy dog eyes*

GW: That's not fair! You're not playing fair, Draco Malfoy!

DM: I'm a Slytherin, love. I'm not supposed to play fair.

*Ginny sighs as she wonders how she could have gotten the misfortune of having this particular man as her husband*

*Draco smiles happily because he knows that he's getting some tonight*

GW: Just… I don't know.

DM: Don't do anything I wouldn't do!

-->

2. Chapter One

1. Don't compare your spouse to a famous somebody.

Ginny

“I absolutely adore those leather pants on him. He's got such a cute butt,” Ginny cooed.

“That's repulsive. Even for you,” Draco muttered.

“I wish I were those pants.”

“Now you've crossed the territory into obscene.”

“How can you not love Blaise? He's famous,” Ginny sighed heavenly.

“Well, he's my cousin, for one. I'm not into incest, Gin.”

“I know, but still. I bet he'd be a great shag.”

“GIN!”

“I know, I know. I'm sorry. Would you fancy a threesome with him?”

“Absolutely not!”

“I just want to grab his hair and shove him down-“

“You can do that to me!”

“Yeah, I could. But I like his hair. It's black like Harry's.”

Draco glared at the offending witch.

“Don't mention his name in my presence.”

“Oh, hush up. Old rivalries. Get over it.”

“I'm still disgusted at how you could like that bespectacled git before falling in love with me. We're complete opposites. I'm good looking and he's just funny looking.”

“Oh, stop. Don't be mean.

“Look at him! He's a bloody frog! The only difference is that he, unlike the frog, refuses to croak.”

“DRACO MALFOY! Now that's enough! That's not nice at all!”

“I never said I was nice.”

“You could at least make a bloody effort, you pig.”

“For you, anything,” he smirked.

Draco

“I just want to fuck her in every position in the Kama Sutra.”

“That's absolutely disgusting. You can even tell that her knockers are fake.”

“So? They're big. I'd pay for you to get them resized.”

“Over your dead body. It can be arranged quite easily, you know.”

“Yes, yes. I bloody well know. But she's got such a nice, tight, wet -“

“Stop! I don't want to hear it!”

They sat on the couch in relative silence, watching the television that Mr. Weasley had given them on their one year wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, they lost the remote while Draco was watching porn and they forgot how to change the channels manually. Since they lived in a all muggle neighborhood, they couldn't perform magic unless it was a dire circumstance.

“She's too skinny,” Ginny commented vaguely.

“No, she's not. She'd fit perfectly into my hands.”

“And what am I? Fat?”

“No. Nicely rounded,” Draco grinned, praying that it would get him out of this mess.

Ginny shrieked. Draco took that as a bad sign. A very bad sign.

“Gin… Put down your wand. I meant that as a good thing. You have meat on your bones. I love that.”

Ginny's erratic breathing calmed down a bit.

“Now let's sit down and watch the telly.”

They each sat on one end of the couch.

“I hate you, Draco Malfoy.”

“I love you, too, Ginny Malfoy.”

-->

3. Chapter Two

2. Don't, under any circumstance, tell them that you wonder what it would've been like if you married an old flame.

Ginny

“How are you, Gin? Haven't seen you in a while,” Ron greeted.

“I'm fine. You?”

“Fantastic. `Ello Malfoy.”

“Your sister's last name is Malfoy, too, you know.”

“Sh.. Don't ruin my fantasy.”

“Ron, don't be silly,” Luna murmured softly.

“Hey! Look! There's Seamus, old chap! Seamus!”

Seamus turned to look at them and waved before walking into The Potion Brewery with his da.

“Good times with that man. Scored so many points. Bloody proud, too.”

“I know,” Ginny grinned.

“Why didn't you ever marry him? I know you dated him for a while after fifth year.”

“To tell you the truth, I sometimes wonder that myself.”

“Gin! What? You're not happy being married to me?”

“Of course I am. It's just that I wonder sometimes what it would be like to be Mrs. Finnegan. He's quite the catch, you know. Especially for any Quidditch playing girl.”

“I was good, too. I caught the snitch before in Hogwarts.”

“Draco, don't fool yourself. That was only one time and Harry had a broken arm and no glasses.”

“So? I still caught it.”

“Barely.”

“What's so good about that bloody wanker anyway?”

“He's kind, funny, charming, sweet, gorgeous, great body, fabulous smile…”

“I'm all that and more. I'm also witty, dead sexy, manipulative, a sex idol and married to you.”

“You're such a suck up because you know I can get back together with Seamus when ever I want.”

“Something like that.”

“Don't worry, darling. I might love him, but I'm in love with you.”

“You also loved that frog, nonetheless.”

“I was definitely in with that frog. I wonder what it would've been like to marry him.”

“What are you two babbling about?” Ron asked.

They had completely forgotten anyone else's existence. Luna tugged on his sleeve.

“Let's go to the Netherlands. I hear they make good frog legs.”

Ginny shook her head.

“I would've killed the frog if you married him.”

“Yeah, yeah. So you say.”

“Fine. Don't believe me.”

“I believe you, love. I believe you.”

Draco

NO COMMENT

DM: I do not want to reminisce on what would've happened if I married Pansy.

*Draco shudders*

*Ginny snickers*

GW: You would've had pug nosed kids with her pale features and your silver eyes and blonde hair. They would've looked like Peeves on a good day.

DM: No, we would've ended up never having kids at all. She wouldn't want to ruin her stick figure.

GW: If we ever divorced, which is common nowadays, I think I'd marry Seamus. Or Dean. Hm…

DM: Don't you bloody dare. We're not getting divorced. Ever.

GW: You don't know that.

DM: Yes I do.

GW: No you don't.

DM: YES I DO! NOW SHUT YOUR TRAP, WOMAN! YOU'RE DEPRESSING ME!

GW: You can do that all by yourself, love.

DM: I know.

-->

4. Chapter Three

3. Don't deliberately try to get them jealous, especially if they're possessive or overprotective.

Ginny & Draco

(Ginny's note: This dates back to the time of Hogwarts. Before I married that thing.)

(Draco's note: Bad memories. Bad memories. Bad memories.)

“I'm not going to the dance. Deal with it.”

“Fine, Draco Malfoy. I'll find myself another bloody dance partner who would be glad to be my date.”

“Gin-“

“Don't Gin me! I'm not happy with you at the moment so kindly bugger off.”

She stormed away in a huff. Draco wondered if he could have handled that situation any worse. He thought not.

* * * * * * * * * *

“It's just a bloody dance, mate. If you ever do them this one small pleasure, they'll love you forever,” Blaise said knowledgeably.

“But you know I hate dancing.”

“You don't have to dance.”

“Then what's the point of going?”

“To make your girl happy.”

“She is happy. Most of the time, anyway.”

“She's not happy with you. I do wonder how you'll get out of this one, though.”

“Blast.”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Will you go to the dance with me?”

“Of course!”

“Thanks so much, Seamus. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“But aren't you still dating Malfoy?”

Ginny growled at this.

“Yes, but he refuses to take me.”

“I would never refuse you of anything. Especially something so asinine. I would be honored to be your date and show you off.”

Ginny giggled girlishly.

“How about I take you out before the dance to a little place near the Tea Shoppe? I hear that it's grand.”

“That would be lovely.”

“Great! I'll meet you in the commons at five so we can make it to dinner by six and be back by 8, when the dance starts.”

“Sounds great.”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Gin-bug. I'm s-. I'm sor-. Bugger. I'm s-SORRY. May I please have the pleasure of taking you to the dance?”

“No.”

“What? I thought you wanted to go.”

“I am going. Just not with you.”

“Then who the bloody hell are you going with?”

“Seamus.”

“You're my girl. Not that wanker's.”

“I know. But he agreed to attend with me. He's even taking me out to dinner. Something you never do.”

“But Gin!” Draco whined.

“Oh, shove it. Find yourself another date.”

“Fine. I will.”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Of course I will, Drakie! I thought you'd never ask!”

“I wouldn't have if my girlfriend didn't turn me down, yeah?”

“You're still going out with that blood traitor?”

“I don't want to see you again until the dance. There are some ground rules however. No touching me. No talking to me. No breathing on me. Got it? Good.”

“But-“

“Uh-uh. What did I say?”

Pansy nodded her head forlornly.

“Now go on your way. Scram.”

She skittered up into the girls' dormitory, probably to brag to the rest of the girls how he asked her out to the dance. What was he doing?

* * * * * * * * * *

“This is amazing, Seamus. How did you ever find this?”

“Me da brought me here when I was a wee tot. He told me that it'd be a good place to take me girl one day.”

“Seamus, I'm not trying to lead you on. You know I'm dating Draco and I'm still in love with him, despite his selfishness.”

“I know. I'll be the perfect gentleman.”

And a perfect gentleman he was. He pulled out the seat for her and everything. They had a polite conversation about Quidditch practice. It was all in all, the perfect evening.

“Oh! I think we should get back to Hogwarts.”

Ginny glanced at the time. It was 8:07.

“Wow. Time really flew by quick, eh?”

“That's what happens when you enjoy someone's company.”

Ginny smiled wanly.

“Let's get going. Wouldn't want to miss out on the first dance.”

“Of course not.”

* * * * * * * * * *

“Where the bloody hell is she?”

“Dra-“

“Shove it, Pansy. We made the ground rules. You are not to speak to me unless you're dying.”

She huffed in annoyance. Ten minutes later, a ruffled looking Ginny and Finnegan came rushing through the doors. Draco's mind had an idea or two about what they had been doing. His molten eyes blazed with fury.

“Get over here, Pansy.”

She obeyed and jumped toward him eagerly like a puppy wanting to be petted. How pathetic.

“Arms around my waist.”

She did so. He grabbed her face and kissed her forcefully, Pansy reciprocating in gesture. She tasted of ale and make-up. Disgusting.

Draco broke away from the kiss, glancing at Ginny. She was still giggling with the Finnegan prat. She hadn't even seen him. Ron and Harry had walked over to them, patting Seamus on the back. Draco could just imagine what they had to say.

“Congratulations on getting my little sister to finally break up with Malfoy. Welcome to the family.”

Draco's eyes narrowed into slits. He wouldn't take this sitting down.

* * * * * * * * * *

Seamus was so polite, kind and sweet. What a shame she couldn't fall for him instead. The only problem was that he was so boring. Harry and Ron had come over to congratulate Seamus on the Quidditch game from yesterday.

“Would you like to dance?”

“I'd love to, Seamus.”

He led her out onto the dance floor. He spun her around and she genuinely had fun with him. She caught Draco glaring holes into his head a few times. Seamus leaned over to reach her ear.

“So… why are you still dating that Malfoy wanker?”

“Because I'm in love with him.”

“I see. Well, he's just a no good doer, that boy.”

“Whatever you say.”

She had learned to disregard everything that people said about him. She loved him and no one could deny that. They tried to break her spirit, but it wasn't working. Once, she questioned how her life would be without him. She didn't like it one bit.

“Get off of her, Finnegan.”

“Why should I? She's my date.”

Draco's lip began to twitch in fury.

“She's my girlfriend.”

“You're the one who refused her in the first place, Malfoy, so don't put the blame on me. I'm just trying to show her a good time when you won't.”

“You-“

“Stop! Let's just talk this over civilly.”

“Absolutely not! Just so you can go break it off with me to be with him?”

“I-“

“I know what your brother was doing with Potter. They were congratulating him on getting you into his arms. I won't take any of it.”

Ginny was grinning on the inside of her cheek, even though she was getting annoyed of his rant.

“You're the one who kissed Parkinson, Malfoy,” Seamus retorted.

That stopped Ginny in her tracks. Her eyes widened into saucers. Seamus turned to her.

“You know that I would never do anything like that to you. I hope you reconsider dating me.”

With that, he walked off. After a brief pause, she broke the silence.

“Is this true?” Ginny whispered.

“It wasn't like that. I-“

“I said,” she spoke louder. “Is this true?”

“Yes, but-“

“No buts. We're through.”

“NO! Gin! You've got to listen to me.”

Tears were forming in her eyes as she shook her head and ran off. Draco swallowed his pride and ran after her. He couldn't, wouldn't, lose her. Not like this.

“Ginny!”

“Sod off!” she called out over her shoulder when they had reached an empty corridor.

“Please just listen!”

She stopped dead and spun around angrily.

“What? Listen to your little stories and forgive you? It's not that easy. You told me that it was over between you two, but you lied to me!”

She pounded his chest as hard as she could. He held her even closer, whispering sweet nothings in her ear to calm her down.

“I only kissed her because you came in all ruffled.”

“That's because we had to run through the school so we wouldn't miss the first dance.”

“I'm so sorry, Gin. But the way he touched you, looked at you…”

Draco's eyes glazed over.

“But I love you. Not him.”

“I know… I'm sorry…”

“Sometimes, sorry isn't enough.”

He looked down at her bright cheeks and bloodshot eyes. He couldn't believe that he was the one who caused her to hurt.

“What are you saying?” he said angrily.

“I trusted you.”

“And now?”

“I'm not sure…”

“I'll make it up to you, Gin. I swear on my grave, I will. I- I love you.”

She stared at him with astonishment. He had never spoken those words to her.

* * * * * * * * * *

DM: That was the most frightening part of our relationship.

*Ginny shudders*

GW: I hope I never feel like that again.

DM: I love you.

GW: I love you, too.

-->

5. Chapter Four

4. Don't talk about your exes.

Ginny

“Dean was so adorable when we were dating. He had the cutest dimples I had ever had the pleasure to see. His eyes crinkled when he laughed, too. I wonder what he's up to.”

“I'm sure that he and his wife are happy together.”

“Oh, he's not married. I just talked to him two days ago.”

“How was I not informed?”

“Didn't think you cared about who I spoke to. We stayed good friends after we broke up.”

“Well, I do care. I would prefer it if you didn't speak to anyone who you thought was better than me,” Draco huffed.

“I don't think he's better looking than you.”

“I never said better looking because that's not possible. I meant better, personality-wise.”

“Don't get your knickers twisted up in a bunch. I'm not that interested in him.”

“Which means that you're still interested.”

“Not much.”

“Gin!” he whined.

“What?” she mocked him in the same voice.

“When we said our vows, you're not supposed to be attracted to anyone except for me,” he pouted.

“Well, I can't help it. He's just… amazing.”

“What am I then? Stupid?”

“A little. But you know what the primary difference between you and him?”

“What?” he asked, a bit scared of the answer.

“I'm in love with you.”

Draco

DW: I don't have ex girlfriends that I like to talk about.

GW: That's because they were all tramps. That is, until you had the fortune of meeting me.

DW: That's right.

*Ginny pauses*

GW: You never agree with me. One of them wasn't a tramp, was she?

DM: Er…

GW: What's her name? Her number? School? Age? Where does she live? Give me the address. NOW!

DM: Um…

GW: She was prettier than me, wasn't she? Smarter. More seductive. Taller. Thinner. OH! She was just all around better.

*Ginny glares at an imaginary girl*

DM: Uh…

GW: What was her name, then?

DM: Gizelle Waterford.

GW: I KNEW IT! Who is she?

DM: She attended Durmstrang.

GW: Well, I don't like her. She's a bitch.

DM: Okay.

*Pause*

GW: You're thinking about her, aren't you? She's prettier than me, isn't she? ANSWER ME!

DM: No on both accounts.

GW: You better not be lying to me. I could make you take the Veritaserum and find out, you know. I could divorce you, too, if I find out you're lying.

DM: I'm not lying. She was a great shag, but that's it! You know I love you.

GW: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

DM: *whispers* Women…

GW: Shove it.

-->

6. Chapter Five

5. Don't go through their things.

Ginny

(Hogwarts)

Ginny snuck down the corridor that led to Draco's Head Boy room. He had warned her that his Head Boy duties might make him run late and for her to make herself comfortable.

“Frog legs,” she whispered to the portrait.

It immediately opened up for her.

“Welcome back, Miss Weasley,” the knight smirked.

“Thank you, Sir Rannulf.”

For a few minutes, she felt content to just lie on his bed, inhaling his scent. But that got boring quickly. She decided to go snooping around to see what her boyfriend of seven months was like when he wasn't with her. First and foremost, she checked his drawers. Mainly clothes and a few cigarettes and those collectable knives. Next, she checked his closet. On top were a couple of cardboard boxes. She pulled one of them down that was labeled `CFC'. She pulled it open. There were hundreds upon hundreds of chocolate frog trading cards. Merlin, he was just like her brother.

She pulled down another box. This was labeled `Candies'. She opened the box and shifted through the abundance of muggle chocolate. She put this box to the side, wanting to munch on something sweet as she played detective.

She yanked down the next one. It just had a label of `CBC'. She opened it and was surprised to see a collection of muggle comic books. It ranged from someone named Spiderman to Mighty Mouse. She snickered at his penchant of muggle things.

There was only one box left. She wondered what it was before hauling it down. This one wasn't labeled, but it was heavy. She slowly peeled back the top cover before her eyes widened into twice their normal size. It was a pornography collection. She shifted through them. Not all of them were Play wizards. Some of them had foreign titles. Some were Hustler, Playboy, and there were a few other ones. They had such obscene titles. So this is what he did during his spare time.

“Having fun?” an amused voice drawled.

She stood up abruptly, getting lightheaded. It was stupid of her to get caught. She should've charmed the door to ring…

“I- Well… It's not what it looks like.”

“What it looks like is that you were going through my things.”

“Okay, fine. It is what it looks like. Why do you have such a big porno stash? Aren't I enough?”

“Darling, I'm a man. Men have their needs. Like when you're in the bathroom, it's not like I can fuck you.”

“But it takes all of two minutes.”

“Two minutes too long.”

“You're repulsive.”

“As are most other men. You'll just have to learn to deal with it.”

“Bugger.”

Draco

(Post-Hogwarts)

“Gin-bug! Where'd you put my old broom?”

“It's in the closet next to my school books and uniform.”

“Thank you!”

He shuffled through the hanging clothes until he could see the boxes of her old stuff. They had dozens upon dozens of Weasley sweaters stuffed somewhere back here. There it was in all its glory. His old Nimbus 2004. He picked it up and something fell onto the floor. It was green. It was a small envelope. It wasn't from him, addressed to him or even ever seen by him. He wondered…

His pliant fingers pulled open the seal and pulled out a sheet of paper. It seemed as if it were a love letter. He glanced down at the signature. Potter. What the bloody hell was Potter sending his wife letters for? Didn't he have his own? He glanced up at the date. Oh. It was from school. But why would she still have it?

Dear Gin,

I'm sorry for not being there for you for all those years. You say that you understand, but I know that you're hurting. I never wanted it to be this way. I promise you now, however, that everything will change. I hope you'll forgive me.

Love,

Harry

Draco wasn't mad. He was outraged. He clutched the letter with one hand and his broom in the other. She must be confronted about this abominable behavior.

He stomped downstairs to where Ginny was in the living room, sipping tea and watching the telly. She grinned up at him with radiance.

“So you found it?”

“Yes. That and more. What the hell is this?”

“It's a letter. Why are you going through my things?”

“Because we're married and I have the right to.”

“Marriage doesn't give you the right to my privacy, Draco.”

“Yes it does. Now stop avoiding the question and tell me. Why do you still have a letter from Potter?”

“You read it too, I suppose.”

“Of course.”

“You're not supposed to admit such things, darling. It gets you into trouble.”

“It doesn't matter to me at the moment.”

“He wrote me that letter to apologize for not being able to help me with two occurrences: first, the chamber of secrets and second, the whole Umbridge fiasco. He was just glad that I could bat-bogey hex you,” she smirked cheekily.

“So you two never had some secret rendezvous, right?”

“With Harry? No. Never.”

“Good.”

“You're not sleeping in my bed for the next month, by the way.”

“And why the bloody hell not.”

“I told you. You can't do such things and admit them without being punished. Now run along. I need to go iron.”

-->

7. Chapter Six

6. Don't do things that you know annoys them.

Ginny

“Man, I'm thirsty.”

“Then go get something to drink,” Draco stated.

“I'll go do that.”

She moved twelve steps to the fridge and pulled out the carton of orange juice they had. She opened the cap and chugged it down like a madwoman. It was about 100 degrees outside and their air conditioner had broken.

“That's disgusting.”

“What is?” she asked, taking another gulp.

“Cups were invented for a reason. Use them.”

“They're for the guests.”

“I don't care. Use them. You know how many germs are on your mouth?”

She raised a disbelieving brow.

“You know how many times you've kissed that mouth?”

“I'm well aware that I kiss it, but what if a stranger comes into our house and asks for a cup of orange juice? Then it means that they get your germs. I'm immune to them by now. But he's not.”

“Then tell them to drink some tap water. It's better for them.”

“Aren't I supposed to be the evil one?”

“Well, the Sorting Hat did ask me if I wanted to go to Slytherin, but I declined because Ron would've killed me.”

“Oh, Gin-bug. Why didn't you ever tell me this? This is love. There's no doubt about it. But it's still disgusting.”

“You're disgusting. You scratch your bits.”

“Shut up.”

“Ha.”

Draco

“MOVE!”

“Huh? What?”

“You keep stealing the blanket, Draco! It's bloody freezing in here!”

“I know. That might be why I'm stealing them.”

“Give me some before- Damn it. Hold that thought.”

She got out of the bed and put on her slippers. Cold and tired, she staggered to the bathroom, not bothering to turn on the lights. Pulling up her large tee, she sat down on the toilet. What she didn't expect was to fall in.

“Fuck!” she yelled. “Draco! How many times have I told you to keep the toilet seat covers down?”

The only response she got was his snoring.

“Stupid… Bloody… Ponce…”

She wiped herself off and grabbed his toothbrush, just to drop it into the toilet. She pulled down the cover and urinated, not bothering to flush it. She closed the cover and cackled. This serves him right.

-->

8. Chapter Seven

7. Don't tell them, or worse yet, show them, their imperfections.

Ginny

“Ew.”

“What?”

“You've got a pimple on your face. I slept next to that all night.”

“What? Where?”

“Right there. I thought as you got older, you don't get pimples anymore.”

“Shove it, Malfoy.”

“Don't worry, darling. With a simple charm, all will be forgotten.”

“Absolutely not! That leads to scarring. Let me make a potion for it.”

“I don't think so, love. Remember in your sixth year, you tried to make a potion to get rid of your skin problem? Your entire face-“

“SHUT UP, MALFOY! YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMIND ME, YOU ARSE!”

“Meep.”

“Go make it for me, then, if you're so good at it. Go on.”

“If you wish.”

Draco headed to the kitchen, preparing the materials. He pulled things from the shelves, the cabinets and the fridge.

“Unicorn feather, unicorn feather, unicorn feather… Where are you?” he muttered to himself.

“Top shelf, you ponce.”

“Ah. Thank you, love.”

He plucked up the remaining ingredient and set it on the counter. He pulled out the old cauldron and poured two cups of dragon syrup with a pinch of faerie dust. He stirred it for a few minutes before throwing in two veela hairs. Last, he dropped in the unicorn feather. With a distinct `pop' sound, it was done. He scooped some up into a small vial and headed back upstairs.

“Here you go.”

“Care to hand me a cotton swab?”

He sighed before walking to the bathroom and handed her a q-tip.

“Anything else, princess?”

“Mirror.”

He was getting slightly irritated. He accioed the mirror over to her, where she was busying herself with dipping the cotton swab into the vial. With the assistance of the mirror, she dabbed the concoction on her blotch. In seconds, it disappeared.

“Thanks, darling.”

Draco

He yawned obnoxiously, smacking his lips to see if they were as soft as last night. Still good. He ran a hand through his hair before slipping on his robe and slippers, heading to the loo. He did his morning routine. He used the toilet, brushed his teeth and took a shower. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. Handsome stud, you.

“You've got wrinkles,” the mirror cackled.

He paused. The mirror was lying. Right? He stared a little closer.

“There's nothing there.”

“You just don't want to admit that the Malfoys have imperfections.”

“That's because we don't.”

“Then you're just a defect.”

“Shut up! I don't have wrinkles. Those are for old people.”

“How old are you, Malfoy? You can get wrinkles at any age. In your case, you have them on your forehead. Three of them, to be exact.”

He got even closer to the mirror, up the point where his breath was on his reflection. He gasped.

“It's true!” he squealed.

“I told you, you ugly ponce.”

He was on the verge of tears. His father didn't even have wrinkles yet! This couldn't be happening. He must call father.

“What's with the yelling?” Ginny yawned as she walked in.

He squeaked before pushing past her to the fireplace. He threw in floo powder and whispered, “Lucius Malfoy.” Lucius' sleepy face popped into sight.

“What do you want, son of mine? I wasn't to be up for another half hour so make it snappy.”

“I've got wrinkles,” he muttered forlornly.

“What was that? My hearing wasn't what it was seven years ago. Speak up, boy!”

“I've got wrinkles!” he screamed.

“This is what you disturbed my sleep for?”

“But, father! You don't understand! I have three of them!”

Lucius sighed. His son would never grow up…

“Just use the concealmente charm. Works wonders. Now leave me alone.”

“Thank you.”

He pulled out from the fireplace where Ginny was standing, holding back her grin.

“Wrinkles, eh? I see them, now that you mention it.”

“I'm ugly! Don't look at me or you'll be ugly too and I won't be able to love you anymore!”

“Oh, shut your face. Concealmente. There. It's all gone.”

He ran to the closest mirror. She was good.

“Now I'm sexy again. Let's go have sex.”

“Bugger off.”

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