My Farewell

Barring some unforseen miracles happening in Book 7, this will be the last thing I ever write. I cannot in good conscience continue to write fanfiction...HBP has broken my soul in too many places (how ironic, right?). This piece contains spoilers for Book 6, so I suggest skipping it if you have not finished the book in its entirety.

This is not a happy fic. This is not a fic that is likely to have any canon parts come Book 7. This is a fic that is un-betaed. This is only an end to my fic-writing career, my ending in fandom being the same as the ending of this fic. I’ll leave it at the fact that I what I write is probably now the only way what I dreamed could ever come to pass.

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My Farewell

Harry stood at the top of the cliff overlooking the Hogwarts grounds. The wind was heavy and the air was cold...but the air was always cold these days...ever since...

Harry sighed and sat down, not letting his eyes meet the reason he was there. Instead, he closed them, thinking about everything that had transpired in the last few months.

The only bright side of it was that Voldemort was dead. Killed, by Harry. Everything else...

Privately, Harry wished that he had been killed along with Voldemort. Of course he would never admit that fact to anyone else, but he wished it all the same. Too many people had died in the final battle.

Actually too many was an understatement. Everyone had died in the final battle. Everyone except him.

Hogwarts, upon its abandonment in the pervious year following the death of Dumbledore, had been seized by the Dark Lord. Harry finally, having destroyed all the Horcruxes, stormed the school with a select few. He was the only one to come out alive.

Hagrid had gone down first...not only was he the largest target, we was also physically the most dangerous. It took six Avada Kedavras to kill him, but moments into the battle he had been the first to fall, a loud thud resounding as he hit the ground.

Next was Remus. The werewolf Fenrir Greyback finally accomplished what he wanted to do ever since Lupin was a small child, and finished him. Tonks had been petrified and was forced to watch, and when she finally broke free of the full-body bind, she rushed over to Lupin’s mangled body, and seeing how there was no life left in his eyes, turned her wand on herself.

Neville was fallen next, and thankfully Bellatrix Lestrange was less cruel to him than she was to his parents. Harry didn’t know, obviously, but he guessed it was probably instantaneous when the green light hit his body.

Luna also went down, succumbing to the second harshest death Harry saw that day. She took multiple bludgeoning spells to the arms, legs, body, and head, and was still breathing when Harry rushed to her aide. There was no hope for her though, she didn’t even have the strength to utter last words as the light left her eyes.

Arthur Weasley had fallen shortly thereafter, green light shredding his soul. Molly, having seen this, was too stunned to react to any spells coming her way and was also killed along with Charlie.

Fred and George were the ones, in Harry’s mind, responsible for the victory. They had put up as many wards, charms, and shields on themselves as they could as barreled headlong into the Great Hall, where Voldemort was staying, and promptly fell 12 death eaters before they were killed. Upon their death, a pair of great explosions went off, probably triggered from within their bodies. At least, Harry thought, the twins literally got to go out with a bang.

And Ron. Ron’s death, in Harry’s opinion, was the most unfair. He didn’t even get to die fighting a death eater. He was crushed by a chunk of stone that landed on him when Fred and George exploded. At least it had been quick. Ginny died from a bolt of green energy seconds later.

But the worst of all...

Harry finally opened his eyes and noticed for the first time that they were wet, tears having been running down his face the entire time. He let out a sob and looked up at the memorial that he had made for Hermione.

It had been the worst two successive moments in Harry’s life, even including all the deaths that had just happened. He and Hermione, the only survivors, had ran into the damaged Great Hall to find dozens of death eaters with their wands trained at them. There was no reaction time.

It felt like a huge weight had been slung across his face, but when he had turned, he saw that Hermione had actually punched him, her eyes glazed over in what was most unmistakably an Imperius Curse.

He stood and faced her, both with their wands out, waiting for the other to make the first move. It was in that point in time that Harry realised there was no point in continuing fighting. In order to have to kill Voldemort, he was going to have to kill Hermione. And he would not do that. So he lay down his wand, and waited for Hermione to kill him.

But the act of surrender had jarred something in her mind, and she fought the Curse, until the point when Voldemort decided she was just about to break it. Harry would never forget the look of sheer horror on her face as a bolt of red energy flew from the tip of Voldemort’s wand and impaled Hermione. She slumped to the ground, blood running from her mouth, tears running from her eyes, and uttered her last words to Harry as he bent over her body.

“I’m so sorry.”

And she was gone.

Harry didn’t know what happened next, he only remembered waking up at St. Mungo’s, being told that the school had been leveled by some tremendous shockwave, and Voldemort was dead.

Harry looked at the small memorial he had built for Hermione on top of the cliff. They had never found her body, claiming there was too much rubble from the school for them to try and recover it successfully. He wondered silently, why Ginny’s death hadn’t affected him like Hermione’s had.

And he knew the reason, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

It was because he was in love with Hermione.

Hermione, the only person who had stood by his side through everything that had happened while he was at Hogwarts.

He gave a shudder as a few tears splashed to the ground.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to the small pile of stones with her picture tucked safely between them. “I know I said I wouldn’t come back here, that you wouldn’t have wanted me to live like this, but I can’t stand it. I can’t stand you being gone. I can’t stand everyone being gone. There’s nothing left for me here. No hope, no life, no love...at least you get to be with everyone.”

He stared sadly at the memorial before pulling something from his bag.

“This,” he said sniffling. “Is yours. I thought you might like to have it.” Silently, he placed the copy of Hogwarts, A History he had found in her old school trunk on the stones. “I’ll never be able to get over the fact that you left...and that you gave your life to save mine. I’ll always love you, Hermione.”

“I didn’t want to see you suffer like this when I told you to live your life if anything ever happened to us,” a voice from behind Harry said. Drawing his wand, he spun around and nearly stumbled off the cliff.

“H-Hermione?”

“I don’t have much time here,” she said, and it was quite obvious to Harry that she was neither alive nor a ghost...perhaps it was her soul? “I never wanted you to be left alone like this...none of us did.”

“You all didn’t get much of a choice,” Harry pointed out.

“It’s taken me the entire time that I’ve been dead to figure out a way to come back one last time to talk to you,” she said.

“You were bound to figure it out,” Harry said with a small smile. “You weren’t the smartest witch ever for nothing.”

“If it’s any consolation, I love you too,” she said, smiling. “I didn’t realise it until I saw you building this for me, but it hit me then that you’ve always cared about me so much, and I was just too dumb to see it.”

“You weren’t dumb,” Harry said. “You were eighteen. You’re not expected to know everything in the world at eighteen.”

“I just wish I could’ve given you the happiness that you deserved,” Hermione said.

“You could do one thing for me,” Harry replied.

“What’s that?”

“Let me die.”

“Harry...” Hermione said, tears running down her cheeks. “I don’t want you to kill yourself.”

“I wouldn’t have to,” he said. “I can feel it everyday when I wake up...it takes such strength just to get out of bed in the mornings.”

“......”

“There’s nothing left for me here,” Harry said.

“I know,” Hermione whispered after a moment of silence. “Sleep Harry. Sleep eternal and join those you love.”

Hermione faded away and Harry looked at the spot where she had been hovering. Sighing, he lay down on the rock, placed his head on Hogwarts, A History, and drifted off to the halls of his forefathers.

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And now, I leave you all. To all the other shippers out there who valiantly stood by me on the H.M.S. Pumpkin Pie, I thank you for your undying support. To the R/Hr and H/G shippers out there, I concede defeat. The past two years that I have been able to live in blissful ignorance have been some of my most enjoyable, especially with other Pumpkin Pioneers at my side. We fought a good fight, ladies and gentlemen. We tried our hardest, we fought our hardest. I claim that it is truly unfortunate that the god of our world turned her back on us...turned her back on real love, but such is life. Nothing is just, and we simply have to continue on with the never-ending struggle so that one day, when our children’s children’s children walk this earth, they can look around and see that there is no unfairness, that there is no cruelty. So that they can look up to us, or their parents, or their grandparents and say, “I really like this place.”

And we can stare back at them and say, “Well, we did our best.”

Farewell and goodbye,
-Greg Schwartz