The Adventures of Suave!Harry! and his Cliche Crew!

sunshinebelle

Rating: PG13
Genres: Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 19/07/2005
Last Updated: 20/07/2005
Status: in_progress

Comedic tales about the new Harry Potter characters we have encountered since the sixth book... Suave!Harry!, Super!Ginny!, CrazyJealous!Hermione!, and LadiesMan!Ron! This is meant to cheer everyone up since the newest book arrived, and to poke fun at everything in a parody type way, not meant to bash my beloved characters. Please check it out! Chapter 2: Congratulations: You're in Lust is up!!!

Chapters

1. The Great Angst of Harry Potter

2. Congratulations; You're in Lust

1. The Great Angst of Harry Potter

The Adventures of Suave!Harry! and his Cliche Crew

So, yes. This is a story to try and cheer all my darling Harmonian pals up. I find it makes life easier (and rather more amusing) to make fun of something you don't understand or dislike. So that's what I'm doing! In no way, am I trying to character/ship bash. I dearly love the characters... well.. most of them... present in this story, I just don't love the new Alternate Universe warped cliched versions of the Harry Potter characters that have emerged in this new book. So, instead I choose to poke fun at this and have some laughs. I hope you will all share them with me. I cannot wait to make this the most cliche story of all time, using the characters JKR made herself *sighs*... well... exaggerated to an extent. Enjoy!

A/N: To add, this takes place during the sixth year, somewhere towards the end of the book. Harry and Ginny are madly in "lurve" or.. as I like to call it... the "scary monster in Harry's stomach of Lust!" and Hermione and Ron are fighting... as per usual. You know the drill.

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Chapter One: The Great Angst of Harry Potter

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It was a typical day at Hogwarts. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and cliches were running rampant. Suave!Harry! awoke feeling very pleased with himself, but that could be the fact, he assumed, that he was deeply in lust... er.. rather.. love with the most beautiful witch this side of Hogsmeade. Or at least that's how he liked to phrase it. He could not believe it had taken him so long to recognize the beauty and allure that was Ginny Weasley. Speaking of which, what does Ginny stand for anyways? He pondered to himself. He had never bothered to find out before. "Never mind that!" Suave!Harry! exclaimed dramatically loud, causing the other boys in his dormitory to wake up with a start, and groaning at Suave!Harry!'s behaviour drop back to sleep again. There would be plenty of time for Suave!Harry! to get to know every little thing about his beautiful angelface soon enough. After all, even though they'd been dating for barely a couple of days, he did love her dearly and deeply and sickeningly. Maybe. Probably.....?

Oh well. Life was too short to keep from doing everything you wanted to do, even when you had doubts.

He got dressed excitedly, ready to greet the day, and meet his snookiebear. He hummed loudly to himself the tune "Love is in the air" as he lifted up a piece of clothing and jammed up his leg. He chuckled as he dodged a pillow thrown in his general direction, from Seamus, and also ignored the exclamation of, "SHUT THE HELL UP!"... they wouldn't undersand. They had never been in love before. Just then Suave!Harry! realized that he was accidentily trying to stick his feet into a shirt, and now he happened to be wearing it, almost like a skirt. Suave!Harry! laughed heartily at his own mistake. Love must be blinding him. Or.... well.. it could be because his glasses were not on, imparing his vision. But he preffered the first version, because it was more romantic. Speaking of romance, he had a date tonight to snog on the common room couches with Super!Ginny! tonight. Oh, he thought happily to himself as he finally began putting on the right outfit, she is so lovely and wonderful. Like a warm breeze on a summer's day... like a sunset on a beach.. like a moonlight ride on his broomstick with the wind brushing through his hair.

"Hey." he said, mid-changing, with one arm through the sleeve of a shirt. "That has a nice ring to it."

Immediately he ceased, and instead removed a mini-notebook from his pants pocket.

"Ginny my love, you are so fine. You make me happy, I am glad you're mine." he read, and then paused to think. "You remind me of a summer's day....." he quickly began writing again, and then stopped. "And also a moonlight ride on my broomstick." he quickly added, then wrote it down. He looked it over again, and grunted out loud. It didn't rhyme! Poems obviously must rhyme! He exclaimed a string of swear words and promptly began to leap around the room in frustration, almost crushing Crookshanks who had sneaked in during the night. "NO NO NO!" he yelled, his face getting red with frustration. He paused to cross out the last line, and then began to crash around the room again. "IT HAS TO RHYME! IT HAS TO BE PERFECT FOR SNOOKIEBEAR!!!!"

Finally he paused to catch his breath, after the tantrum, and looked around the room eagerly to see if anyone had been awoken by the loud crashing. Everyone was still sleeping soundly. Damn it, Suave!Harry! thought to himself, I really need some help.

Sighing resignedly, he stuck his notebook in his pants pocket and tugged on his shirt.

When he finished getting dressed, he left the common room in a gloomy state of mind. Perhaps he had imagined it, but as he left he heard a voice that sounded suspiciously like Neville mutter, "Oh give it a rest. I don't think I can take much more of this."

***

CrazyJealous!Hermione! stalked into the dining hall at breakfast, feeling ANGRY as usual. What was she so angry about? WELL! Well.......? She wasn't really sure anymore. All she knew is that she had perfect right to be angry, and she was angry, so that was the way she was acting....Makes perfect sense, of course.

Throwing a disgusted look at LadiesMan!Ron! who was making out with Lavender, she sat down besides Suave!Harry! who was busily writing and scratching out things in a little notepad.

"Hello Harry." she sighed moodily.

"Shhhhhhhh." he hushed. "I'm trying to write a poem for my one true love." CrazyJealous!Hermione! looked hopeful. "Ginny." he said quickly, throwing CrazyJealous!Hermione! a look that was both exasperated and slighty disgusted (much like the one Hermione had thrown at LadiesMan!Ron!) at the idea that it could be anyone but Super!Ginny!

CrazyJealous!Hermione! sighed. Why did she have to be in such an abusive almost-relationship with Ron? Why couldn't she and Harry settle down nicely, and be happy.

"It wouldn't be as dramatic and angst-filled." whispered a misty voice besides Hermione's ear. She jumped and looked over to see All-Knowing!Luna!, smiling serenly at her.

"Why are you sitting at the Gryffindor table?" CrazyJealous!Hermione! wondered while arching an eyebrow.

"Because this way I can make commentary on all the interesting developments in everyone's love life. You know, you three are the main characters in the story... I mean... life..? Everything seems to center around you. I like to comment on the action."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" CrazyJealous!Hermione! asked suspiciously.

"Because I'm all-knowing of course. It just makes everything better. Besides, there has to be one wise sage person in every story that dishes out advice and helps characters to find their way. It's in the Cliche book of Cliches. I just so happen to be that Cliche in this story!" she finished happily.

Suave!Harry! by this time was growling like a beast (perhaps like the animal inside of him?) in frustration.

"I give up!" he announced loudly and dramatically. Everyone in close proximity stopped and looked at him. Except for Lavender and LadiesMan!Ron! who were still entangled and snogging rather loudly. Suave!Harry! cleared his throat. "I said, 'I give up'."

Finally LadiesMan!Ron! got the hint and ceased kissing Lavender, watching Harry with fascination along with everyone else.

"Why is that Harry?" All-Knowing!Luna! asked, prodding him along, almost certainly automatically.

"Because!" he exclaimed, placing his head in his hands to great dramatic effect. "It will never work."

"What will never work Harry?" asked Hermione soothingly, as she began to stroke his back. Everyone stared at her.

"You're not supposed to do that anymore, Hermione." Harry whispered gruffly, clearly exasperated, although his head was still in his hands.

"I mean..." Hermione let go of Harry immediately. "I don't care about your well-being. I only care about myself and my jealousy about Ron. I'll...... I'll just be quiet now." she finished off weakly.

"Before I was so rudely interrupted," Harry said, as he removed his head from his hands, glaring at Hermione. She grinned at him fondly, as if his tantrum was sweet. "I cannot come up with a rhyme to end this poem for Ron's little sist... I mean.. my darling snookums."

"What do you have so far?" All-Knowing!Luna! asked expectantly.

Suave!Harry! cleared his throat, and removed the notebook from his pocket. He cleared his throat again.

"Ginny, my love, you are so fine. You make me happy, I am glad you're mine."

He paused to allow for everyone to applaud. When they didn't he looked around fiercely.

"Oh!" exclaimed Hermione, and began clapping loudly, and everyone joined her enthusiastically.

Harry, finally satisfied, continued. "You remind me of a summer's day. You are perfect in every way."

A pause, and then more applause.

"How I want to take you away on my broom....." he stopped suddenly. "And now I can't think of what to write."

"Well.." started CrazyJealous!Hermione!

"Anyone have any suggestions?"

"You could..." CrazyJealous!Hermione! tried to say, but she was cut off.

"Anybody? Anybody at all?"

"You could write, 'Your love would lift me to the moon.'" she tried to suggest to deaf ears.

"Someone? Ron... mate.. you are er.. romantic.. I guess you'd say.. with Lavender. You must have an idea."

"Um... 'When I'm with you, I want to swoon'?" he suggested, hopefully.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Suave!Harry!, and everyone else applauded.

"I don't really think thats what Harry's looking for--" CrazyJealous!Hermione! tried to say crossly.

"Oh Ron," said a random girl sitting a few spots away, "You are so smooth and romantic."

"Ron's such a ladies man." said a girl turning around from the Hufflepuff table.

LadiesMan!Ron! grinned happily, but Lavender looked furious.

"Back off witches.. or should I say... bitches. He's mine." she snarled, as LadiesMan!Ron! continued to look pleased.

"Hmph." CrazyJealous!Hermione! said angrily. "Doesn't anyone care about my opinion?"

"Not really." smirked Lavender.

"WELL!" raged CrazyJealous!Hermione! "I'LL TELL YOU ANYWAY! MY POETRY IDEA WAS MUCH BETTER THEN RON'S! I'M MORE TALENTED THEN HE IS, I'M BETTER MAGICALLY... AND THE BETTER POET! This is just like the potions incident with Harry! I'm more talented at potions then he is, and yet because of CHEATING," CrazyJealous!Hermione spat angrily, "HE WON ANYWAY! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF ALL OF THIS! EVERYONE KNOWS I'M THE BEST AT EVERYTHING, YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO ADMIT IT! I'M LEAVING IN A HUFF!... NOW!" CrazyJealous!Hermione! left the dining room in a huff.

Everyone sat in silence for a moment, but not for long. LadiesMan!Ron! went back to snogging Lavender, and Suave!Harry! smiled happily, writing Ron's suggestion down.

"Thanks a lot for the help mate!" Suave!Harry! exclaimed.

LadiesMan!Ron! said nothing, but detached his hand from Lavender's neck to give Suave!Harry! a thumbs up sign, as he continued to make out.

"You know, Luna." Suave!Harry! said, smiling at her. "It's strange how things change. I remember just two years ago when Ron and I could barely get dates for the Yule Ball because we were so awkward around girls. Last year it didn't change much either... I still acted like a clueless idiot around Cho.. but now... look at us!" he exclaimed. "We're great with girls! Ron's a Ladies Man, and I am Super Suave! I don't know where this character development came from, or how, but I certainly am happy for it!" he grinned.

***

To be continued....

Any suggestions of funny events I can cover in the next chapter? Should there even be a next chapter? Did you like it? Let me know, please and thanks.

Amanda

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2. Congratulations; You're in Lust

The Adventures of Suave!Harry! and his Cliche Crew!

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Thank you all for the many warm reviews! All suggestions are very much appreciated. I'm glad I was able to cheer up my fellow Harmonians with some light sarcastic humour. I think this chapter is slightly better then the last, and I hope you think so too! Please continue to respond, and I shall get another chapter to you extremely soon, as I have many ideas that have been pouring out of me.. ahh I wish I could tell you them, because they make me laugh just thinking about them, but I suppose I shall be as secretive as JKR and tell you you'll have to wait! muahaha.

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A/N: My friend Lauren helped me with a couple of ideas (Tic-Tac) just wanted to let you guys know that behind the funniest ones (aka the random fan girls) is she!! I put * beside the line she actually came up with, (as well as another idea that i changed but was almost hers) but I thought it was so funny so I wanted to use it. Just letting you guys know that it was hers! I luff you Lauren!! *huggles her* Now let the cheering up/laughter/mocking ensue with this parody version of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince... or as I like to call it, Harry Potter and the Monster inside Harry's Chest.

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Chapter Two: Congratulations: You're in Lust.

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"I wish I was a better singer so I could serenade you." Suave!Harry! remarked sadly.

"You never know, you could be. All of a sudden you're suave and smooth, so maybe all of a sudden you'll have singing talent as well." Super!Ginny! commented helpfully.

"Alas." Suave!Harry! said, standing up suddenly and making a dramatic pose. "I don't think you can simply create talent from somewhere it never was."

"I think you could." argued Super!Ginny! "Look at us. You didn't even know I existed last year. Heck, you didn't even remember my name most of the time, or what colour of eyes I had." they both laughed, "And now look at us! We're deeply sickeningly in love! So in love that people avoid us all the time, so in love that we have a dozen nicknames for each other, so in love that the number of people who have yelled, 'Get a room!' when we snog nightly on the Common Room chairs, has reached triple digits!"

"My darling Ginny," Suave!Harry said in awe, still in his dramatic position. "You are a remarkable person. If I matched every reason why I adore you with a star in the sky, I'm afraid," he paused with suspense. "I would run out of stars."

"Oh Harry!" cried Super!Ginny!, "You are amaz-ACK!" she squawked. Suave!Harry! tumbled to the ground.

"Sorry 'bout that, sorry." Hagrid apologized.

"It's quite alright Hagrid." Suave!Harry! said, as he stood up pompously, dusting himself off. "I'm too in love to be angry with you."

Hagrid grumbled inaudibly, but kept traveling on. Suave!Harry! sat next to Super!Ginny! on the seat, as she fussed over him, watching the trees go by.

"Thanks again Hagrid." Suave!Harry! said, smiling not at his rather large friend, but to Super!Ginny! instead. "It was very kind of you to offer us this little ride for our date. Especially since I've barely been to see you all year, and pretty much abandoned you."

Hagrid again grumbled, although this time if you listened closely you could make out the phrases; "didn' offer", "stupid ruddy lovebirds" and "blackmail, thas' what it is". He sounded rather like Kreacher, but as Suave!Harry! was too busy snogging Super!Ginny!, he didn't hear the complaints.

Hagrid grunted as he pulled the carriage all around the school grounds with a snuggled up Suave!Harry! and Super!Ginny! in it along, muttering something about not being a thestral.

"Oh Harry, are you alright? You did take a nasty fall." Super!Ginny! asked when they finally broke for air.

"Yes, I'm fine." Suave!Harry! nodded nobly, "Although I think it might have messed up my hair." He promptly began smoothing it down.

"Harry, why are you worried about your hair?" Super!Ginny! asked. "Haven't you always complained about it never being neat?"

"Right you are, love bug." he said tapping her on the nose. "But ever since this new book--ahem, I mean... school year, my hair has been amazingly calm and neat. Much like the new and improved me!" he said, and then promptly shared a laugh with Super!Ginny! over this.

"Oh Ginny!" he exclaimed, "I could stay lost in this moment forever, with you."

"Of course you could." Super!Ginny! giggled. "Everyone loves Ginny."

"It's so true." Suave!Harry! said, as he smiled fondly at her, laying his head on his lap. "You know what Ginny? Late at night, when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And then I wish on a star, that somewhere, you're thinking of me too."

"Oh Harry." Super!Ginny! said, brushing away a tear. "That's so beautiful."

"I know." he shrugged. "Came out of my own mind of course. I'm just like that. Thoughtful and suave and stuff."

"How do I deserve you?" she asked, looking deeply into his eyes, as he sat up.

"You don't." he said smiling, as he cupped her face in his hand.

"Oh darling." she smiled, then frowned. "Wait... what...?"

"What is it cutie pie?" he asked still beaming affectionately at her.

"That wasn't a very kind thing to say Harry." she said, and then narrowed her eyes at him. "In fact... that wasn't very suave."

"What'd I say?" Suave!Harry! asked, looking alarmed.

"You said I didn't deserve you." Super!Ginny! said, almost on the verge of tears.

"Oh sorry." Suave!Harry! said apologetically. "It slipped out. You know.. once in a while.. the old Harry....I never used to be this suave... sometimes I go back accidentily... I'm sorry." he finished feebly, hanging his head in shame.

"That's alright." Super!Ginny! shrugged. "Let's pretend it never happened. Try again." she smiled, and cleared her throat. "Oh Harry," she said passionately, looking him deeply in the eyes. "How do I deserve you."

He paused for a second thinking, then said in a deep voice, "The real question is, 'how do I deserve you, Ginn-Ginn-Ginn--" he stumbled.

"Ginevra." she responded flatly.

"Right!" and then he searched his mind for another good pick up line, since he seemed to be making his darling love angry. "You're the only girl that has ever made my heart beat slower and faster at the same time."

She broke out in a smile. "Oh, Harry, darling."

Then a large cough boomed from in front of them. They didn't seem to be moving anymore.

"Righ'." Hagrid glared, huffing and puffing. "I think thas--" he gasped for breath "--enough--fer now."

"Well fine." Suave!Harry! said with a shrug. "Our next surprise is just around the corner anyhow."

He stepped out of the carriage, and extended a hand to Super!Ginny!, who took it with a giggle. He helped her out of the carriage, and then continued walking with her towards the Quidditch pitch, which was just a few yards away. He turned around, "Thanks Hagrid."

"Yeh, yeh. Don' mention it." he grumbled, as he wheeled his carriage away, back to his hut.

"Oh Harry." Super!Ginny! giggled yet again. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." he grinned.

He lead her onto the Quidditch pitch, and there in the middle of the field, the lights shining all around them in the darkness, was a table set for two, with an elaborate gazebo, covered in twinkling fairies, and red roses on it.

They sat at the table, and soon a house elf came to serve them.

"Hello Harry Potter!" squeaked the elf, and Suave!Harry! realized it was Dobby. "I see Harry has brought a lady friend to this meal he had Dobby arrange."

"I sure did." grinned Suave!Harry! motioning at Ginny, who's face was covered by a large menu she was holding up.

"Hello Harry's bushy-haired friend." Dobby grinned at the menu, so sure who it was.

"What?!" exclaimed Super!Ginny!, as she set her menu down. "Bushy.... BUSHY?!" she became enraged, and then panicked. She turned to Suave!Harry! "I don't have bushy hair do I?" she worried, as she tried desperately to flatten down her already limp hair.

"Don't worry." Suave!Harry! said calmly to Super!Ginny! "Your hair looks great." he shot a warning glance at Dobby.

"But...but..." Dobby spluttered. "Who is you?"

"Who am I?" Super!Ginny! took this as a challenge. "I am Mary-sue.. I mean.. Ginny. I am a champion seeker, and chaser, and if I wanted to I'd be great at beater and keeper as well." she looked at Dobby, challenging him to criticize her, but when he didn't, she continued on anyway, "All the boys in the entire school love me. I'm amazing at everything, I'm beautiful... obviously." she tossed her hair, "AND," she added. "I can do a mean bat-bogey hex."

"She really can." Super!Harry! grinned at Dobby, as if his girlfriend was some sort of prize.

"Hm." Dobby narrowed his rather bulbous eyes. "This one came from nowhere."

"What did he say?" Super!Ginny! asked, unable to understand the elf as he mumbled.

Suave!Harry! on the other hand understood perfectly well.

"Uh.....he said.... thank you for all you share." Suave!Harry! finished quickly.

"Oh, well. You know me. Ginny Weasley. Who everyone adores... love to share." she winked at Dobby.

Dobby began to mutter, but Suave!Harry! quickly stepped in, "Alright then Dobby. I think we're ready to order."

"Of course." Dobby said, smiling fondly at Suave!Harry! "And what would Harry Potter like?"

Suave!Harry! ordered his favourite meal off the menu, and Super!Ginny! smiled and said she would have the same. Then quick as a wink, Dobby snatched up the menus (rather viciously from Super!Ginny!) and then walked away.

When he returned with the food, he placed it before each of them, still muttering, although Suave!Harry! could make out some of it, as he leaned by him. "I have heard tales about this one, oh yes. Many call her the bicycle, since so many have ridden."

Shocked by what Dobby had said, Suave!Harry! had no chance to answer before the house elf skittered away.

Why did Dobby hate his one true love? Could Dobby be possibly seeing something in Super!Ginny! that he, himself could not see because he was so blinded by lust... er.. rather love???

Nah.

"So how was your day?" Suave!Harry! asked, as they ate.

"Same old, same old." Super!Ginny! shrugged. "Around seventeen guys wanted to date me, but I of course refused."

"Meh, cool." Suave!Harry! shrugged.

Super!Ginny! eyed him angrily, and he knew he had yet again said the wrong thing.

"I mean..... Of course they would cutiepants! You ARE perfect."

She was still glaring. Finally it dawned on him.

"Oh... OH!!!!!" he exclaimed loudly."I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Suave!Harry! spit out the pumpkin juice he was drinking.

"What can I say?" Super!Ginny! again shrugged. "When you got it, you got it."

"Tell me who they are!!!" he exclaimed.

"Oh Harry." Super!Ginny! said soothingly, reaching across the table to rub his hand. "There's no need to be jealous. I only have eyes for you. Oh yes. Romilda Vane keeps pestering me. She seems quite convinced about that Hippogriff tattoo. I told her in no way would I ever let you get a tattoo so lame. She also seems convinced that your favourite dessert is pumpkin pie, but I told her, in no certain terms that it is chocolate." she said fiercely.

Suave!Harry! shrugged. "Whatever." he said. "Hey, look at all the trees." he said, motioning to the Forbidden Forest. "They look beautiful tonight. Well-- not as beautiful as you love bunny." he smiled at her. "But still beautiful. That's one thing you can count on. The trees always being there. So many of them. There's nothing more obvious then the trees." he laughed.

"Almost as obvious as the fact that Ron and I are going to get together." said a voice, as CrazyJealous!Hermione! appeared beside Suave!Harry! with a great POP sound.

"What the--?" Suave!Harry! exclaimed.

"Hello. Just thought I'd join the party." CrazyJealous!Hermione! created herself a chair and sat down.

"I thought you weren't allowed to apparate on school grounds. At least that's what you've been telling us for so long. I mean--" his voice weakened as Super!Ginny! glared at him. "I don't remember everything you say..... I'll be quiet now." he said looking down.

"Well actually, in this book... er.. I mean... school year, I seem to contradict my whole personality with my outrageous behaviour." she grinned. "So I thought it would be fine to contradict everything I said in books one through five.. I..er.. mean...these past five years."

"Makes sense to me." Super!Ginny! nodded.

"So as I was saying, Ron and I's relationship is symbolized by trees. As everyone knows why, since it's so blatantly obvious... and such a brilliant metaphor." she smiled. "Our relationship." she said, nodding to Suave!Harry!, "Is represented by both the Hippogriff and pumpkin pie. Again." she said, reacting to the looks on Suave!Harry! and Super!Ginny!'s faces, "It's quite obvious, I don't see why you don't understand. But anyhow, Harry and Ginny, you two are represented by chocolate."

"Well that makes sense." Suave!Harry! commented. "Since Ginny is just as sweet as chocolate." he said affectionately.

"Or maybe because you're as addicting as chocolate." retorted Super!Ginny!, smiling.

"Perhaps because we melt like chocolate when we're around each other." suggested Suave!Harry!, regarding Super!Ginny! fondly.

"Or it could be, because chocolate makes you want to--"

"Alright that's enough." CrazyJealous!Hermione! cut in, wiping the devilish smile off Super!Ginny!'s face.

"Well anyhow." Suave!Harry! said, glaring at CrazyJealous!Hermione! for ruining their moment. "What did all of this come from?"

"Ships." said CrazyJealous!Hermione! simply. "People--er... like certain couples to be together. These are called ships. I just thought I'd intrude with this explanation, since I thought it was rather amusing, and hardly coincidental that you were bashing symbols of other ships, but praising your own." she sat, and grinned at both Suave!Harry! and Super!Ginny! in turn, who did not return these smiles.

"Hermione." Suave!Harry! said, eyeing her. "What's going on? Why have you gotten all jealous and intellectual all of a sudden? You're almost like the old Hermione..."

"Oh dear." CrazyJealous!Hermione! gasped. "I...I...I think you two are very sweet together. And...hmm... I didn't read that information in a book, or off a muggle computer, I heard it from Luna who is all knowing. Why would I research something? I'm too busy being angry with Ron. And I didn't intrude because of the protective feelings I have for you...which.. I don't have.. I just wanted to give you this information. And tell you I am pleased with your relationship." she concluded quickly.

"It's alright Hermione, I made a slip earlier tonight as well."

"Thank you Harry." she smiled warmly at him, but then remembered herself. "I... think you're wrong."

"Wrong?" he asked confusedly.

"About everything. I don't trust implicitly what you say anymore." she continued.

"Alright.....?"

"I DON'T OKAY?!"

"Okay..."

Just then LadiesMan!Ron! strolled in 'coincidentally'.

"Hey mates. And Hermione." he regarded her icily.

"Ronald." she glared at him.

"Wow." he said looking around. "This is extremely unlikely. How would all of this happen just for you?"

"Hush Ron. Don't ask questions. It just did okay?" Suave!Harry! said mysteriously.

"Okay." he smiled dumbly.

"Don't look at me!" CrazyJealous!Hermione! exclaimed, warningly.

"Excuse me?" LadiesMan!Ron! asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Don't you look at me!"

"I wasn't..."

"I've had enough of you Ron Weasley and I DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT ME!"

"Why would I want to look at you anyway, you're so ugly."

Everyone gasped.

"Well why would anyone ever want to kiss you again, since from all the whores you've been snogging--and God knows what else-- you're sure to have a dozen sexually transmitted diseases."

Everyone gasped again.

"Well...Well..." LadiesMan!Ron! stuttered, getting red in the face, but not knowing how to answer that.

"I would kiss him." said a random girl as she and her friend walked by.

"Me too. I would do God knows what else with him too. He's such a Ladies Man." the second one giggled.

"Oh please." CrazyJealous!Hermione! scowled, as Ron mouthed 'Owl me' to the retreating girls, who giggled some more.

"Hermione." LadiesMan!Ron! said simply. "Why are you so angry with me?"

"BECAUSE!" she exclaimed, seeing the opportunity to become rageful and in-character, and seizing it. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DATE SOMEONE OTHER THEN ME!!....I mean.... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DATE! HERMIONE SMASH!"

CrazyJealous!Hermione! presumed to smash up the chair she had conjured, in a very crazy-like fashion.

"Sorry Hermione." LadiesMan!Ron! said, with a smirk. "But you know.. the ladies do love the Ron-mister. Now just calm down a bit, won't you?"

"Yeah I guess you're right." she shrugged. "HEY!" she suddenly exclaimed, looking furious. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Well, it worked. You did stop." LadiesMan!Ron! pointed out, rationally.

"Yeah.. I guess I got sick and tired of yelling. Besides, my voice is getting hoarse. I think I'll take a break for a bit. I'll proceed to snap at you though."

"Oh, please do." LadiesMan!Ron! offered, kindly.

"Right!" she snapped. ".....Where were we?"

"You were yelling at me for dating." he said patiently.

"Oh... right. Well. Since I am SO jealous!!! I mean.... not jealous at all....? Damn I'm getting confused as to what I'm supposed to feel or say.. especially around Ron..." she muttered to herself. "You know I'm dating McLaggen right?" she quickly added.

"I know." he said calmly.

"And.... you don't care...?" she asked, not hurt, but rather surprised.

"Nah..." he shrugged. "Was I supposed to? I wasn't clear on whether I still fancied you or not."

"Yeah me neither." CrazyJealous!Hermione! said crossly. "Harry?"

"Dunno." he shrugged. Suave!Harry! had moved his chair beside Super!Ginny!, and they were cuddling and whispering in each other's ears. "You might want to ask my beautiful snickerpoo Ginny over here. She knows everything." he finished, grinning fondly at her.

"Do not." Super!Ginny! giggled.

"Do too." he insisted.

"Do not." Super!Ginny! whispered coyly, giving Harry a sexy look.

"Do too.." Suave!Harry! said gruffly, and they continued in hushed voices.

"I don't know if I can handle much more of this." CrazyJealous!Hermione! sighed.

"Me neither." LadiesMan!Ron! agreed.

"Hey, by the way." Suave!Harry! said, as he stopped mid-kiss. "I thought you two were friends again. And I thought Ron had dumped Lavender a long time ago... and Hermione dumped McLaggen ages ago."

"Nah." said CrazyJealous!Hermione! dully. "It was easier to write both of our ships progress at the same time, rather then at different times, when they were originally supposed to happen... I mean.... maybe we should go Ron."

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea. Anyhow, I need to go find Lavender and try some of Harry's suave pick up lines on her." he grinned at Suave!Harry!, who winked back. "See ya." he said brightly, and sauntered off, in a very Ladies-Man-ish sort of way.

"See ya!" called CrazyJealous!Hermione! brightly to him. "Er... I mean..." she caught herself, as Super!Ginny! and Suave!Harry! stared, and tried to look angry and upset. "Bye...." she sobbed and ran away.

"Would you mind keeping it down Hermione?" Suave!Harry! said crossly, not even knowing she had left. "Ginny's trying to talk."

Super!Ginny! giggled. "I just want you to say something suave and romantic Harry. Please." she gave him a hopeful look.

"Alright darling." he smiled. "It just so happens that I have another card up my sleeve." he smiled charmingly.

"Oh Harry, I do love it when you use cliches." Super!Ginny! sighed, infatuated.

Suave!Harry! grinned and snapped into the darkness. A little dwarf appeared, dressed like a cupid, in the same fashion as it had been in Harry's second year of school, when Ginny had given him a singing valentine.

The dwarf-cupid stopped, and looking cross, began to sing.

"I love you, I honestly love you... ooooh." he sang over and over again.

Finally after the seventh time, the grumpy dwarf-cupid threw confetti over the beaming couple, said "Congratulations. You're in lust." and promptly left.

***

"I'm sure he meant love." Suave!Harry! explained, after several minutes of silence.

"Of course he did." beamed Super!Ginny! "Anyone that could see us together, would know we're in love."

"Did you like the song?" Suave!Harry asked! "I wrote it just for you."

"It was nice." Ginny smiled pleasantly.

"Yes, I thought it would be." he grinned.

"Harry, do you remember that I sent you a singing valentine, during my first year of school with a dwarf just like that?"

"Of course I do love." he said, I'm suave and romantic. It's my job to remember stuff like that."

"Tell me again what I wrote to you." Super!Ginny! said, while looking up at him adoringly.

"Uh... well..."

"Don't tell me you forgot?!?!"

"I've had loads of things on my mind since then!"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER!"

"Your eyes are the sweetest stars I've ever seen...?" he tried weakly.

"Really?"

They kissed again.

"Lovey-dove." he smiled.

"Sweetiecakes." she smiled back.

"Babydoll."

"Smooshyface."

"Kissylips."

"Scar-head."

He stared at her.

"I mean... Harry-bear."

"Ginny-bean."

"Snugglyboo."

"Cutie Patootie."

"Awwww!" squealed a random girl in the distance. Suave!Harry! and Super!Ginny! looked up from their trance to see three random girls sitting in the Quidditch stands, apparently unnoticed.

"Oh my God. You two are like the cutest." said the first one.

"He's scarred, famous and suave, and she's perfect, gorgeous and super. I want to be just like you guys!" cried the second girl.

"Well," Super!Ginny! said sagely. "You know, it takes time. Just last year we were complete losers and had no feelings whatsoever for each other. In fact, Harry-Warry didn't even know I existed, did you bunniecakes?" she poked him hard, and he smiled fondly at her.*

"It's like fate!" exclaimed the third random girl. "When did you two first notice each other?"

"Well...." thought Suave!Harry!

"Uh......" Super!Ginny! pondered.

"It was--"

"That's difficult to say...."

They both sat and wondered a long time.

"Let me read you another poem I wrote." Suave!Harry! said suddenly.

"Awww!" squealed girl # 2. "That is so sweet!"

He cleared his throat, and stood, ready to present to the four people present.

"Doubt thou that the stars are fire

Doubt the sun doth move

Doubt truth to be a liar

But never doubt thy love."

he said, getting on his knees and presenting Super!Ginny! with a bouquet of flowers, coming mysteriously out of nowhere.

"One for every freckle my love."* Suave!Harry! said, kissing her hand.

All of the girls swooned. "What a suave guy." said girl number one.

"Suave Harry." said the third.

Suave!Harry! grinned. "That's my name, Don't wear it out."

Too late Harry. We already have.

---

To be continued!!!!

In the next chapter...

Hermione goes to Pavarti and Lavender for more great love advice *rolls eyes*

Hermione and Harry almost have a break through

Hot Hermione and Ron "who fight so much they're obviously in love" action!

And... Harry's....shrine?....to.....Ginny...? *Creeped out*

---

Please reply and give some more ideas! I have a few chapters planned, but I need some more! I want to know what *you* guys would like to read, and what you consider to be funny! Thanks for any suggestions and replies in advance!

Amanda

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