Delusional

Yeah, I said My Farewell was gonna be my last fic. 73 reviews in under a day can change your mind.

Really change it.

I realised I made a mistake. We all make mistakes. Shit happens. Look at, for example, HBP.

But you all know what else I realised? I realised that while our ship may have several canonized (pun intended) holes in the sides, its crew nearly dead, its sails torn, and no wind to get us moving, I STILL HAVE MORE AMMUNITION TO SHOOT AT THOSE BASTARDS! And Merlin help me if I, for one, am not going to annoy the PISS out of those goddamn R/Hr and H/G shippers with it!

And what better way to get back at them than with SMUT! AND LOTS OF IT I SAY!

Oh yeah, there are spoilers for HBP in here, and this wasn’t beta-ed.

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Delusional

Harry lay awake staring at the ceiling of his and Ron’s room at Grimmauld Place. There was no space in his mind for sleep anymore. Everything was occupied with thoughts of Voldemort, the war, Dumbledore...

He was beginning to wonder if any of it mattered anymore. He was beginning to wonder (and it certainly felt like it, given that Hermione and Ron were starting to agree with him)...whether in fact he was a horcrux and was going to have to kill himself after stripping Voldemort of his body.

Giving in to the fact that he probably wasn’t going to get any sleep, Harry swung his legs over the side of his bed and quietly crept out of the room, ignoring the rather disturbing sounds coming from Remus and Tonks’ room when he reached the hall. Sighing, he made his way down the stairs while muttering a silencing charm at the offending room. Remus usually forgot these days, and what with the war and his newfound love with Tonks, who could blame him?

Harry reached the basement kitchen and pushed the door open, finding Hermione sitting at the table sipping on a mug of hot cocoa in a pair of fluffy pyjamas and a camisole top.

“Hey,” he said quietly, going over to the pantry to and pulling out the box of cocoa. “Is the water still hot?”

“Yeah,” Hermione said softly. “I’ve only been up for about five minutes.”

“How come you’re up at all?” Harry asked, pouring the hot water into his mug and pulling up a chair next to Hermione.

“I’ve been thinking...”

“About?”

“About things,” Hermione said with a sigh.

“Like me being a part of Voldemort’s soul?” Harry asked, with a sarcastic chuckle. He took a sip of cocoa as Hermione stared at him with wide-eyes. “We all know that’s probably the case.”

“It doesn’t mean you have to keep bringing it up,” Hermione said looking down.

“Why ignore the inevitable?” Harry asked with a sigh.

“So that’s it then?” Hermione asked, putting down her mug. “No more trying? You’re just going to die?”

“I’m sure as hell going to bring that bastard down on my way,” Harry said. “But yes, I am resolved that in order to kill Voldemort for good, I will have to die.”

“You don’t sound like it bothers you,” Hermione said, sipping on her drink.

“I don’t really have much to live for, to be brutally honest,” Harry said with a shrug. “I don’t have family, I don’t have love, and I definitely don’t want the heroics associated with saving the world.”

“Of course you have love,” Hermione said. “Ron and I love you.”

“Like friends,” Harry said. “And don’t think I don’t appreciate it. It’s just not the same as someone who will give you everything simply for your smile.”

“I know...” Hermione said softly.

“Speaking of which, how are you and Ron?”

“Oh please,” Hermione scoffed. “We had one date Harry. One. We realised there are more important things going on right now.”

“I take it you two worked things out?”

“Naturally,” Hermione replied. “Ron doesn’t really mind. After all, he still has Luna going for him.”

“That’s good to hear,” Harry said. “What about you?”

“I...I had to figure out where my priorities lie,” Hermione said.

“And where do they lie?” Harry asked.

“With you,” Hermione said, smiling slightly. “You need me right now. Not Ron.”

“Don’t let him catch you saying that,” Harry said into his mug with a laugh.

“He already knows,” Hermione said. “It was why we decided it wouldn’t work.”

“I don’t get it,” Harry said with a confused look.

“We ‘broke up’ because we can’t be selfish with our time right now,” she said. “You need Ron and I more than we need each other.”

“Hold up,” Harry said. “I don’t want you two ‘breaking up’ just because you think I’m that selfish. I’d actually prefer you two stayed out of this...you know that.”

“And you know that won’t happen,” Hermione retorted. “So get used to us being around.”

“You think I haven’t already?” Harry asked with a laugh.

“Good.”

The two of them sat in silence for a little while, just enjoying sipping their drinks and being in the presence of each other.

“Harry?”

“Hmm?”

“How do you do it?”

“How do I do what?”

“How can you get up in the morning?” Hermione asked.

“You mean what with my so-called fate and the fact that there’s really no bright side in my life?” Harry asked with a small smile.

“I wouldn’t have phrased it so harshly, but essentially, yes,” Hermione replied.

“I’m not doing this for myself, you know,” Harry said.

“Then for who?”

“For you,” Harry replied simply. “And Ron. And the rest of the Weasleys, and Hogwarts, and every person unfortunate enough to have been affected by this war. Mostly for you, though.”

“Why me?” Hermione asked, curiously.

“I’m not really sure,” Harry said honestly. “Maybe it’s because you and I are similar in so many ways...maybe it’s just because I like your smile.”

“And you don’t like Ron’s smile?” Hermione asked with a grin, though she was blushing slightly.

“Nah, he doesn’t brush his teeth on weekends,” Harry replied offhandedly. Hermione promptly spit the cocoa in her mouth back into her cup and started coughing violently. Harry couldn’t help but laugh as he waved his wand at her and the coughing stopped, although she was still breathing heavily. “I take it you kissed him?”

“I’m going to make sure to have a talk with Molly about that,” Hermione said with a shiver. “That’s disgusting.”

“Hence why I like your smile better,” Harry replied with a grin, taking a sip of his cocoa.

“What will you do if you live?” Hermione asked, obviously changing the subject.

“After I kill Voldemort?” Harry asked, to which she nodded. “I guess I never really thought about it. I suppose one day I’d like to have a family...but I seriously doubt whether I’d find a woman who’d like me for me and not Harry Potter, Savior of the World.” Hermione laughed at this.

“What kind of woman would you want?” she asked.

“Why are you asking me this?” Harry asked with a chortle. “You suddenly care about my love life all of a sudden?”

“I’ve always cared,” Hermione said. “I just hide it well.”

“Don’t we all,” Harry muttered into his mug.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing,” he replied with a smile. “I dunno...I guess I’d like her to be attractive...but she’d have to know what she’s doing. I don’t want a tart who doesn’t know what two plus four is but could tell you every shade of lipstick in the store.”

“Well I’m glad to hear that,” Hermione said with a smile.

“I guess...someone who could hold her own...who wouldn’t constantly need me for every tiny problem in the world, even though I’d stop whatever I was doing to help her if she wanted me to.”

“What else?” Hermione asked, leaning her head on her hand.

“Someone I could talk to...tell my problems to...”

“Mmm.”

“Someone who understands all the shite I went through to get to the point where I could live in a world without Voldemort.”

“Yeah...”

“Someone like...” Harry trailed off as the thought of Hermione hit him like a sack of bludgers.

“Like what?” she asked, smiling at him.

‘Aw crap,’ Harry thought.

“Harry?”

“Erm...nothing,” he lied.

“What were you going to say?” Hermione asked.

“I don’t remember,” Harry replied. Hermione leaned back in her chair and stared at him appraisingly.

“I know you’re lying to me,” she said.

“You always do,” he replied with a small chuckle.

Hermione smiled and blushed at the same time as she looked down into her mug.

“I’m out,” she said with a frown. “Do you want any more?”

“Hmm? Oh, sure...thanks,” Harry said, handing her his cup as she went over and scooped two more spoonfuls of powdered chocolate into their respective mugs.

“How many children did you want?” Hermione asked, her back to him as she worked.

“You ask me these questions like I’ve thought about the answers,” Harry laughed.

“Everyone does at some point,” Hermione said, handing Harry his mug back, now full of hot, steaming cocoa.

“Thanks,” Harry said as she sat back down. “I dunno...I guess I’d just take it one kid at a time...and when the wife and I decided not to have any more, then we wouldn’t.”

“What if you ended up with a dozen?” Hermione joked.

“It’s not like I don’t have the money to support all of Suffolk County,” Harry replied with a smile. “Besides, it’d be fun to give the Weasleys a run for their money.”

“It’d certainly be a challenge,” Hermione said.

“Mmm.”

“So you never really told me why you’re down here,” Harry said.

“I did too.”

“You said you needed to think about ‘things’,” Harry grinned. “You didn’t tell me what those things were.” Hermione blushed at this.

“They’re unimportant.”

“I’m sure they are,” Harry said, taking a sip from his mug. “After all, anything that makes Hermione Granger blush is unimportant.”

“I...um...”

“Is it about me?” Harry asked. Hermione looked up at him. “It is, isn’t it?”

“It...it’s complicated.”

“Of course it is,” Harry said with a shrug. “There isn’t an aspect of life that isn’t complicated.”

“Some things are more complicated than others,” Hermione pointed out.

“True,” Harry acquiesced. “But would life be fun if everything was easy?”

“I doubt you could call what we’re going through right now ‘fun’,” Hermione muttered.

“Listen, fighting Voldemort, risking my life, watching people die, no, that’s not fun,” Harry said, placing his hand over Hermione’s. “But being with you, and Ron, and everyone else in my life, and being able to laugh...that’s what’s fun. It’s not easy...look at what happened to Ron and I in our fourth year, but it’s worth it.”

“When did you get so insightful?” Hermione asked with a small smile.

“When I started listening to you,” Harry replied truthfully.

“Me?”

“Well not you, per se,” Harry said sheepishly. “You...ah...you’re the voice of my conscience.”

“Really?” Hermione asked with a grin.

“Yeah...but don’t tell Ron,” he said with a smile. “He’ll start thinking that I’ve gone mental.” He and Hermione shared a laugh at this. Chuckling she looked him and shook her head.

“See?” she said. “You can’t die. We’ll never get to laugh like this again.”

“Sure you will,” Harry said offhandedly. “If you need a laugh, just go see Fred and George. I’m sure they’d be more than happy to give you some stuff for free.”

“I meant like this,” Hermione said. “Just you and me.”

“Well,” Harry replied, thinking. “I suppose everyone has to pay a price at some point to help the ones they love.”

“I just...I don’t know what I’ll do if you do die,” Hermione said, looking down. “You’ve been a part of my life for so long...”

“Hey,” Harry said, tilting her chin up to look at him. “You’ll go on with your life, make some bloke very happy, have lots of kids with bushy hair who know way too much, and enjoy every second of it.”

“That’s the whole point,” Hermione said. “Ron and I talked about this, you know.” Harry thought about this for a second.

“...I thought –”

“I don’t plan on making babies with him, you git!” Hermione said in exasperation. “I just...we got talking about what we’d do if we lived through the war...and I realised that I didn’t want to be in a world where you didn’t exist.”

“Hermione...”

“We didn’t decide to not give it another try because he only talked about quidditch, Harry,” Hermione continued. “It was because I realised that if Ron died...I’d cry. It’d hurt like hell, and I’d miss him to no end. But if you died...I don’t think I could go on.”

“What are you trying to say?” Harry asked softly, looking at her.

“That I want to experience life...love...family...everything...with you.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he realised what she meant.

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“I can feel it,” Hermione whispered. “I feel that I’d be just as good as dead if you die.”

“But...you’ve never even hinted at this before,” Harry said.

“I did,” Hermione replied. “A long time ago, when we were both much more innocent and less involved with evil plots.”

“When?” Harry asked.

“Books and cleverness,” Hermione answered, with a slight smile. “There are more important things...friendship, and bravery...” Harry looked at her expectantly. “And love.”

“I always wondered what you meant to say there,” he said softly.

“I knew,” Hermione said. “I knew even then...I just never figured it out consciously.”

“Well...what do we do?” Harry asked with a sigh after a moment.

“Keep living as long as we can?” Hermione asked.

“No,” Harry said. “That’s not good enough for me anymore.”

“It isn’t?”

“No,” Harry replied. He let out a heavy sigh before continuing. “You wanted to know what kind of woman I wanted to be with if I lived, right?”

“Yeah,” Hermione replied softly.

“Remember how I trailed off?”

“Mmhmm.”

“I was going to say, ‘someone like you,’ ” Harry said. “I may have just realised it, but it’s true. You’re everything I could ever ask for, Hermione.”

“You don’t mean that,” she said, looking away.

“Of course I do,” Harry replied, turning her head to look at him. “And I’ll prove it to you.”

Without waiting for a response, he leaned forward and gently touched his lips to hers. He stayed there for a moment before pulling away slowly, looking into her eyes the entire time.

“Well?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” Hermione whispered. “Maybe you should try and prove it to me again.”

Harry leaned forward again and kissed her tenderly again. Hermione let out an audible sigh as he pulled away, her mouth hanging open slightly.

“Why did it take us so long to figure this out?” she asked softly.

“Well, despite the fact that we’ve been forced to grow up so quickly, we are still teens,” Harry said with a slight smile. “We’re supposed to be daft from time to time.”

“I guess so,” Hermione said, sliding her chair over so that it was touching Harry’s. Sighing, she rested her head against his shoulder. “Well, what do we do now?”

“Just be happy with each other until the time comes,” Harry said, causing Hermione to look up at him.

“I can’t lose you,” she whispered. “Not now.”

“You won’t lose me,” Harry said. “Even if I do die...you’ll never lose me.”

“Harry...”

Silent tears started to run down Hermione’s face. Harry pulled her close to him and held her as she sobbed silently against him.

“I want to be with you, Harry,” she said a little while later, so softly that he almost missed it.

“You are with me.”

“No,” Hermione said, wiping her eyes and looking up at him. “I mean...I want to be with you.” Harry’s eyes widened as he realised what she was talking about.

“Are...are you sure?” he asked. “Isn’t that kinda rushing things?”

“Better to rush things now, than to not experience them later,” she replied.

“I don’t want to do something that you’ll feel is a mistake tomorrow morning,” Harry said.

“Trust me,” Hermione said, placing her right hand against his cheek. “There’s nothing I could do with you that I would regret.”

“Where?” Harry whispered, placing his forehead against hers.

“Follow me,” Hermione said, taking Harry’s hand and leading him out of the kitchen.

Harry didn’t once question her as she led him up three flights of stairs, past all the rooms that everyone slept in, and to a door he hadn’t even noticed before. Hermione turned around and smiled at him before opening the door and leading him through it.

“Does this lead to the roof?” Harry asked, as he closed the door behind him. A warm breeze blew around them as they continued to climb the stairs. His question was answered a moment later when they reached the top and walked through another door out onto a patio that Harry never even knew existed.

“I take it you didn’t know this was here?” Hermione asked, once the door was closed.

“I had no idea,” Harry said. “I didn’t even know that the roof had a flat spot.”

“I made it,” Hermione said, looking at Harry, trying to gauge his reaction.

“You made it?” Harry asked, stunned.

“That door used to be an old closet,” Hermione said. “When we arrived here, I wanted a place where I could go and think in peace, so I transfigured the stairs out of the wall. I conjured the patio once I could get to the roof.”

“It’s wonderful,” Harry said, looking up at the star-studded sky.

“You don’t mind?” she asked.

“Why would I mind?” Harry replied with a smile.

“I don’t know...I thought you might get mad because I changed Sirius’ house around...”

“And if he was here, I’m sure he’d love it too,” Harry said. Smiling, he leaned in and kissed her again. “Won’t people hear us?”

“We’ll be quiet,” Hermione replied. “I don’t think I’ll be making much noise anyway.”

“Why?” Harry asked, his brow furrowed.

“Um...well it hurts, the first time,” Hermione said, looking away.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Harry said, tentatively.

“Would you rather it be someone else?” Hermione asked.

“Er...good point,” Harry said, sitting down on the stone. “Come here.”

Hermione sat down on Harry’s lap and leaned back against him. Harry smiled and leaned back against the natural incline of the roof and looked up.

“It really is beautiful up here,” he said. “Very suitable for you.”

“Please,” Hermione said. “I’m hardly beautiful.”

“You are, and don’t let anyone ever tell you different,” Harry said. “There isn’t a part of you that I would change, inside or out.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said, turning around to face him. She pressed her lips against his gently, but unlike the first three kisses, this one quickly became more heated. Hermione was quickly straddling Harry’s lap, rolling her hips ever-so-slightly against his.

“Hermione...” Harry groaned.

“Make love to me, Harry,” she said softly, not letting up.

Harry’s eyes searched her’s one more time silently for permission. In response, Hermione bit her lower lip slightly, smiled, and peeled the camisole top off her body. Blushing slightly, she leaned in and captured Harry’s lips in a kiss as he pulled the old, oversized t-shirt up and over his head, and threw it next to Hermione’s top.

“No foreplay,” Hermione whispered as his hand came to a rest on her right breast. “Just us. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.”

“I hope,” Harry said as Hermione began to try and wiggle out of her pyjama bottoms.

“Let’s not talk about that,” she said, not having much success removing her pants while still on top of Harry.

“Want some help?” he asked after a moment. Hermione looked at him curiously and, with a mischievous smile, Harry pulled out his wand and waved it once in the air, promptly causing both his and Hermione’s pyjama bottoms to disappear and end up on the growing pile of clothes. He gave the wand another wave and her abdomen glowed blue slightly, showing the success of the contraceptive charm. He smiled before tossing his wand on top of the pile.

“In your back pocket?” Hermione asked, referring to Harry’s wand placement. “What would Moody say?”

“I don’t want to think of what he’d say if that eye of his was on us right now,” Harry replied with a grin, causing Hermione to laugh.

“I love you, you know,” she said softly, bringing her hand up to Harry’s cheek.

Although she had already said it earlier in the kitchen, the words hit Harry harder than he could’ve thought possible. Smiling, he drew in a shaky breath and said the only thing that he deemed acceptable given the situation.

“I love you too.”

“Show me how much,” Hermione said, leaning forward to press her body against Harry’s and tilting her head to capture his lips.

Harry didn’t need telling twice. Gently, he reached in between his and Hermione’s body and grasped himself. He was slightly startled when he felt her hand wrap around his own, but the surprise quickly faded as she guided him inside her.

“Hermione...” Harry breathed as the incredible sensation of her surrounding him nearly overtook him. Groaning slightly, he pulled her into his arms as she sank down fully on top of him. He turned his head to look at her and nearly jumped when he saw her faced screwed up in pain. “Oh god...are you okay?”

“Yeah...” she whispered, a lone tear rolling down her cheek. “But it hurts...a lot.”

“We don’t have to –”

“If you finish that sentence I swear I will hex you,” Hermione said, though her face was relaxing slightly.

Deciding he needed to take her mind off the pain, he kissed her as tenderly as he could, as though he was trying to take some of her pain onto himself.

“Mmmm....” Hermione moaned into their kiss.

“Is it still bad?” he asked.

“It hurts a little...just move a bit,” Hermione said softly. Harry nodded and tried to thrust as slowly as he could with her on top of him.

There was little said over the course of the next few minutes as Harry kept up his pace. He continued to hold Hermione close to him as he continued to move in and out of her slowly.

“Go faster,” Hermione whispered. Harry looked at her with a small amount of concern on his face, but that quickly vanished when she kissed him. “You won’t hurt me.”

As if that was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Harry leaned forward and with a quick wave of his hand conjured a soft blanket on the stone right before Hermione’s back touched it. Abandoning all pretense he began to move faster, thrusting into her with a need like a drowning man needing air.

“Harry...” Hermione whispered, as her breath began to come faster, in short shallow breaths.

“Hermione...I’m...I’m not going to last much longer,” Harry said closing his eyes tightly.

“Go ahead,” she whispered. “I don’t care. I love you, and I love being with you like this.”

Although Harry would look back on that moment and decide with a chuckle that it was absurdly tacky, it was when he heard Hermione say again that she loved him that he was thrown over the edge. Gasping for air, he thrust hard into her a few more times before spending himself inside her body. He slipped out of her and rolled off her to the side, laying with his back on the stone.

They lay there in silence for several minutes, just gazing up into the heavens with each other.

“Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if Voldemort had never existed?” Harry asked a few minutes later.

“Nearly every day,” Hermione said, turning her head to look at him. “Why?”

“I...I just sometimes wonder what life would’ve been like if he hadn’t killed my parents,” Harry said. “What life would’ve been like if Sirius hadn’t been convicted...if he hadn’t been killed...if Dumbledore hadn’t been killed...”

“I still can’t understand how you managed to become such an amazing person growing up with the Dursleys,” Hermione said.

“Well...I dunno really,” Harry said with a chuckle. “I guess they taught me how not to behave...and you did the rest once I got to Hogwarts.” Hermione chuckled at this.

“What happens now?” she asked a few moments later.

“Now...I don’t let you out of my sight,” Harry said, turning his head to look at her. “I’ll be damned if I lose you now.”

“And I you,” Hermione said with a smile.

“Well, let’s head on down to bed,” Harry said. “That is...if you want to.”

“Together?” Hermione asked.

“I’d kinda like that...if that’s okay, of course.” Hermione smiled and kissed him gently.

“I would love that.”

“Let’s get our clothes on then,” Harry said. “It wouldn’t do for someone to pop out of their room and see us walking starkers through the halls.”

Hermione chuckled as they got put their pyjamas back on in silence, though one of them would occasionally shoot the other a smile and a wink, which was always returned with a smile and a blush.

“What are we going to do for a room?” Hermione asked as they began walking back down the stairs to the third floor hall. “You’re sharing with Ron and I’m sharing with Ginny.”

“I can fix that,” Harry said. “Dobby?”

There was a pop and the house-elf was immediately at their feet.

“Yes mister Harry sir?”

“Could you clean a new room for me and Hermione?” he asked. Dobby’s eyes lighted at hearing this and he nodded vigorously.

“Of course sir!” Dobby squeaked. “It will be the first room on the right...’tis not taken by anyone.”

“Okay Dobby,” Harry said. “Thanks.”

“Anything for you, sir.” And with that the house-elf disappeared.

“He’s great,” Harry said with a grin as he turned to Hermione, who to his surprise, was eyeing him suspiciously. “What?”

“You are paying him, right?” she asked. Harry grinned and put his arm around her shoulder.

“I wouldn’t have him any other way,” he said with a smile, as they reached the landing and walked towards the first door on the right. “Ladies first.”

“Thanks,” Hermione said with a smile and a chuckle.

“What do you two think you’re doing?” a familiar voice said from down the hall slightly. They both turned to look and saw Molly Weasley walking towards them, her wand lit to provide some lumination.

“Erm....”

“I will have you know I will not allow any funny stuff to happen in this house while I’m here,” Molly said, obviously aware of what might be going on in the room later. “Besides...what would Ron and Ginny say?”

“Frankly Mrs. Weasley, I don’t give a damn,” Harry said with a smile. “I love this woman, and I plan on proving it to her for a long time. And seeing how this is my house,” he continued, cutting Molly off when she opened her mouth. “There is nothing anyone can do about it. Not you, not Ron, not Ginny.”

Mrs. Weasley looked for a moment like she was going to argue, but decided against it and stormed back down the hall.

“That wasn’t very nice Harry,” Hermione said, though he could tell she was clearly slightly amused.

“It needed to be said,” Harry said with a grin pulling her into his arms. “After all, anyone who thinks we weren’t meant to be together is clearly...delusional.”

His and Hermione laughs would’ve carried through the entire house, but Harry made sure to cast a silencing charm on the door as he closed it.

---------------

And yes, Molly Weasley represents every R/Hr and H/G shipper out there.

Okay, okay, there wasn’t a whole lot of smut...just a nice little scene that will hopefully be a breeze in our sails.

Before I close this piece, I’d just like to clarify that this was an ‘adult-romancelet,’ not a ‘smutlet.’ Gotta throw that in there or Fenriswolf won’t let me hear the end of it ::wink::...but you know for the life of me I cannot remember when he said that...

And now I depart for California. The next thing I write will definitely be a long time coming...but it’ll be there eventually. Just keep an eye out, aye? (like my play on words?) ;)

And remember the second commandment of ficdom:

#2: THOU SHALT READ AND REVIEW TO APPEASE THE LORD, THY AUTHOR

::wink::

-TGF2K