True Perfection

babyhalo19

Rating: G
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 02/08/2005
Last Updated: 02/08/2005
Status: completed

One late night Harry is left to ponder his feelings and thoughts. What he finds is not what he expected. When problems arise Harry learns that true perfection is not a mold you shape yourself into, but in the eye of the beholder.

Chapters

1. Delusional Awakenings

1. Delusional Awakenings

Harry Potter and Characters Belong to J.K. Rowling. They are not mine, if they were we‘d not be having one of these contests because it‘d already be happening in the book. ;p

I hope you like this story, it came to me while I was trying to think of how I could possibly turn the seventh book into a Harry/Hermione pairing. Please leave comments, I’d LOVE to know what you think! <3 <3 Erin

Harry stumbled into the common room, wiping sweat off his brow after a long and grueling Quidditch practice. Being Captain didn’t leave him any room for slack, especially when his Keeper had been missing due to the stomach flue. As he bounded for the stairs, ready to check on Ron and then fall into bed, he heard giggling by the fireplace. He turned and had to clear his glasses of all the dirt and grime before he made out two people in a very heavy snog session. He scoffed in his head, do people have any sense of respect these days? Just out in the middle of the common room where anyone can see? He was brought out of his thoughts by a muffled squeak and the sound of someone falling to the floor.

“Harry!” A familiar voice called out, “We didn’t see you there, we were just um… just….,” her voice trailed off as she found no big words to get her out of this.

“Listen, I’ve had a really rough Quidditch practice today, and I just want to get to bed. We had to keep on substituting a beater for the sick keeper, and its wiped me out. I’ll see you two in the morning,” With this he sprinted up the steps trying to erase the dazed and confused expressions of his best friends from his mind.

After stripping off his clothes and climbing into bed, he had a sudden rush of sadness overcome him. Ron was definitely not sick tonight, and he had never lied to Harry in all the seven years they’d known each other. If there was one thing Harry hated, it was lies. Lies were fed to him since the age of three to keep him from knowing the truth. Lies were what people told him so that they wouldn’t ‘hurt him.’ If only they knew how much more it hurt to be deceived. To feel you were something that wasn’t even real, just an image, just a hero in a storybook.

And Ron and Hermione, if there were two people in the world he could count on to be honest to him, it was them. They knew the real him, the boy struggling to become a man, the man scared to face his future, the one who slacked off in Charms class, and the one who laughed with his friends. They’d been through everything together, and for them to lie over something so trivial, it just didn’t make sense to him. Were they trying to protect him? Did they think he couldn’t handle their relationship? He had never had a problem with it. Sure he had his moments of jealousy that they such a great relationship, but so had he. Last year when he was with Ginny he felt truely happy. She was sincere, and kind, and compassionate. She wouldn’t back down for anyone, not even him. And he loved that. But circumstances changed, and he couldn’t risk her life, risk her future for him. And soon enough the pain subsided, and Harry was kind of glad they were over. Because once the happy feelings had left, he was left with a feeling of lacking. Their relationship had been great, but it was missing something, something vital. Maybe it was safety, since he’d never really be safe until he fulfilled the prophecy, or maybe it was goals, since besides killing the most powerful wizard alive, who couldn’t even die yet, he didn’t really have any. He just knew not all the pieces of the puzzle clicked for the both of them. Maybe time would change that, he didn’t know.

It’s not like he even expected to be in school this year. He was planning on being off in distant lands searching for the Horcruxes. But fate had taken a different turn, and on one very moonless night, Lupin had showed up in his bedroom window. After casting a silencing charm on the room, he confessed to Harry that he knew about the prophecy and the Horcruxes. Through talks with James and Dumbledore, and his own private studies, he found out everything Harry had. He never felt the need to tell anyone, since Dumbledore was taking care of everything on his own, but with him gone, he felt he had to do something.

They stayed up talking late into the night as Lupin shared his own theory, one even Dumbledore had not though off. Through the years, many Death Eaters and Death Eater’s children have passed through Hogwarts while getting their education. It was Lupin’s belief that either the Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw item had been turned into a Horcrux and been brought back into Hogwarts. Since Dumbledore was the only wizard Voldemort feared, it ensured that once the item was safely hidden in the corridors of Hogwarts, it would stay untouched. No one would think to look there, especially in the Room of Requirement. This vital information was what kept Harry at Hogwarts. He had shared it to Ron and Hermione the first day back for their seventh year, and found they too agreed that staying until it was found would be the best idea.

A closing door snapped Harry back to reality, and he looked to see Ron clamber in towards his bed. With one hand on the bedpost, he turned and walked to where Harry was ‘sleeping.’

“Harry, I know you’re awake. Can we talk?” He sat down by Harry’s foot, waiting for an answer.

“Fine.”

“Listen, I know I shouldn’t have lied to you, and I’m really sorry. I know this could get me in trouble with the team, and if you want I’ll go and apologize to them too. It’s just that this was our one month anniversary, and I wanted to spend time with Hermione, just the two of us. I really like her, Harry, and I want her to feel special. I know I went about this the wrong way, and I should have just told you the truth. I’m a git Harry.”

“Ron, I’m fine with you wanting to spend time with Hermione. But to just lie, it really hurt the team tonight,” And me, he thought gloomily. “Listen it’s fine, can we just stick to the truth from now on?”

“Yeah, listen, I am sorry. It’s just, when I’m around her, I can’t think straight. It’s like she’s not even the same Hermione. I can’t explain it… Well we have a big essay due tomorrow, I better get to bed now so I can wake up before dawn to start writing it. Fred and George just sent me this new quill that looks like it writes the same size as a normal quill, but manages to take up three-fourths of the page. I can’t tell Hermione about that or she’d kill me,” he laughed then looked over at Harry, his voice wavering a bit. “Still best mates right?”

“The best,” Harry replied, turning over and closing his eyes, hoping more than anything there‘d never be a time when they weren‘t.

Harry just sat there for a while, not really thinking. A few minutes later Ron’s snores brought him back to their conversation. What did he say about Hermione? That she wasn’t acting like herself? That much was true. Ever since the middle of sixth year, she’s been insecure, and under spoken, and lacking in spine. She seemed to forget her beliefs, and the things that made her her. S.P.E.W. hadn’t been on her mind for ages, and she seemed to not pressure them into studying or researching school topics half as much as she used to. Is this how Hermione acts when she falls in love? With a sickening pang, Harry wished she hadn’t.

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They next day dawned bright and early, and Harry awoke to the sounds of a quill scratching parchment. He looked over to see Ron with his tongue between his teeth, trying to write an essay that would meet McGonnagal’s standards. He looked over at Harry and worry creased his brow before he smiled and asked, “Sleep well?”

Harry was determined to have things go back to the way they were, he didn’t want any awkwardness between them. He smiled back brightly, and said, “Yeah, but I’m famished. Want me to meet you down in the dinning hall?” After a nod in his direction, Harry changed into his robes and descended the stairs to the common room. His eyes swept around it, and found it empty. A pang of sadness hit him again before he walked briskly out the door. He found the dinning hall almost empty, he was up much earlier than usual. As he went to find a seat, he saw Neville sitting there eating some kippers and bacon with a faraway look in his eye.

“Hey Neville. Mind if I sit here?” Harry asked, pointing to the seat on his right. Neville dropped the bacon he had been holding and looked up surprised, then mumbled a, “Yeah, sure.”

Harry looked at him questioningly, then said, “Neville, is everything all right?”

Neville looked back, but didn’t meet his gaze, as if debating whether or not to answer. With a small voice, he whispered, “It’s me mum.” Gaining confidence from those words he went on, “Gram got an owl from the hospital yesterday. They say she’s been acting funny, well, funnier than normal. She’s been complaining it’s too cold, even with twenty blankets and a heating charm on her. She won’t speak to any of the nurses unless they call her Marge, and she,” Neville’s voice shook, “She tells everybody she meets that she wants a son.” His voice went so low Harry had to lean in to hear. Neville looked very pale and close to tears. “How can she say she wants a son? I’m her son! I love her so much, and for her to not even…to know even know me, it just ….” Harry’s mind went blank and he had no idea how to respond to this. He looked at Neville, seeming so small in such a big room, and for once in his life he knew what to say.

“Neville, your mom does love you, she is like she is now because of her wanting to keep you safe. Even though she’s changed, she still loves you deep down. You just have to accept those changes, and keep on loving her. You just have to live for the day when she’ll get better. You have to keep on hoping it’ll come. Because when it does, she’ll remember how much she loves you, and how much you mean to her. You are the son she’s always wanted. She got her wish seventeen years ago. You are better than she could have ever imagined. You just got to remember that.”

Neville looked at him and smiled weakly, “Thanks Harry.” After a quick and silent breakfast, Harry returned to the common room to get his books and get ready for class.

The day passed by quickly, with Harry unable to concentrate on anything he did. He couldn’t get Neville out of his mind. His own mum and dad had died to protect him, and they died heroic, and fully sane. He knew that one of the last thoughts on their mind was their love for him. But Neville’s parents, they are still living, half sane, and don’t even recognize him. Harry could not bear the thought of his parents this way. His parents babbling on about this and that, and looking right past him. He wouldn’t be able to take that. Neville was a lot stronger than he looked.

At dinner that night, Harry ate quickly. He had free time after this and he wanted to go for a walk around the grounds to clear his mind. He was already leaving the hall when Ron entered, looking crestfallen, too absorbed in whatever was bothering him to even notice Harry. He wondered what that was about, and decided as soon as he got back he would have a talk with Ron. As he walked through the open doors, the wind that hit him woke him up, and made his thoughts begin to race, leaving Ron‘s worry at the door. He quickened his pace, and before he knew where he was going he saw the lake at his feet. So much had happened at Hogwarts over the years, so much he knew he’d never forget. He couldn’t imagine next year not being here, being off on his own, hopefully alive, preparing for that final battle. As he followed the curve in the path he knew so well, he heard muffled noises up ahead. ‘If I see one more couple snogging I don’t think I’m going to be able to handle it,’ he thought angrily as he started to turn around. The noise got louder, and he realized it wasn’t kissing, but crying. He walked hesitantly toward the noise and pulled a tree branch back to see what was going on.

In the middle of a dense clearing was Hermione, slumped against a tree opposite of him, her head in her hands, tears running down her face. Before Harry knew what he was doing he was over there next to her, sitting by her side. She jumped at the intrusion and looked up. When she saw him she jumped up, brushing off her clothes, and trying her best to look like she had not spent the last hour sobbing.

“Harry,” She said, backing up and trying to put distance between them. “This isn’t a very good ti-”

“What’s wrong?” He asked, cutting her off before she could finish.

She pulled at her hair rather furiously, and stamped on the ground, as if trying to take out all her frustration. She finally relented and walked back to where he was and sat down next to him. She looked at the ground for a moment before she opened her mouth, as if trying to make sense of it all.

“I am an idiot,” She stated bluntly, putting out her hand to keep him from interrupting. “I have always wanted to be perfect, to be this person someone sees and they can’t find any fault in. Last year I realized how far I fell from that goal. I saw all my insecurities, all the stupid things I stood up for, all the dumb things I don’t know why, but for my whole life I had let defy me. And I wanted to change that. I backed down when I normally would have stood up. I did things I normally never would have done. And people started to see me differently. Ron started to see me differently. I thought I was becoming the person I always wanted to be. The one that’s always fun to be around, and everyone always likes. Ron and I got closer and despite my happiness, I couldn’t help but feel hurt. Here’s this guy who’s known me for six years, who’s supposed to be one of my best friends, and the only time he notices me is when I change! I put it out of my head though, and just lived in the moment. I was new and different, and…. and not Hermione. I slowly began to see how giving up my beliefs and ideas was killing me. While I seemed happier then ever, I was dying on the inside. I didn’t know what to do, and I was in so deep. Last night when you saw us I was at rock bottom. I was making out in the common room for God’s sake! I had turned into a girl just like Lavender, and in that moment I knew it had to stop. I couldn’t pretend any longer. I couldn’t be self-conscious and wishy-washy. That isn’t me! So I talked to Ron before dinner today and we broke it off. And while I’m so sad I had to hurt him, I feel like it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I was so delusional to think I could change myself to be perfect, and just forget who I really am.”

She turned to look at Harry for the first time and when their eyes met, Harry felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. “Hermione you aren’t an idiot, but you didn’t have to change yourself. You were perfect before. You were you. You’re sincere, and kind, and compassionate, and…,” He realized he had used these words just last night to describe a completely different girl. He looked incredulously at her, “God, I’m a bigger idiot than you are! All this time you’ve been right in front of me, always there for me. Yes you are all those things, but you’re so much more! You’re Hermione, MY Hermione! You’re intelligent, and brave, and always willing to stand up to me. You’re my equal and you understand me like no one else does. You’re beautiful, and everything I’ve been looking for. All these years you’ve been here with me, and it takes until you go away for me to realize how much I need you, how much I rely on you, and how much I want you to always be with me,” His voice faltered and he looked at her, unsure of how she would take this.

A smile that could have blinded the sun split across her face. “I’ve wanted to hear that for so long. Wanted to hear that someone, that you, loved me for who I really am. Not for some girl that laughs at all your jokes and takes three hours to do her hair.”

Harry reached out to her and pulled her into a hug. “We were delusional weren’t we? We had all this right in front of our faces and we still insisted on never seeing a thing. All that time we wasted…” His voice trailed off as he saw her looking at him with that big smile still on her face. “Being delusional isn’t such a bad thing,” she said, and seeing the confused look on his face continued, “Being delusional got me you.”

As their lips met, Harry felt his heart soar. That piece of the puzzle was finally found. He had everything he needed, everything he would use to draw strength from when the days turned dark and grey. Ron would be okay. If he loved Hermione for her new self, he’d manage to go back to being just friends with her when she snapped at him to do his homework and dragged him off to a S.P.E.W. meeting. Things were finally the way they were meant to be. As the kiss deepened, all thoughts were driven from Harry’s mind, except for one. If this is what happens when I’m delusional, I never want to face reality again.