Despite Everything

kumydabookworm

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 04/08/2005
Last Updated: 04/08/2005
Status: completed

Love pushes everything else away, sweeping you beneath intoxicating waves. It is always what you need, no matter if it is what you think you want. One-Shot

Chapters

1. Despite Everything

1. Despite Everything

A/N – I own nothing that has been previously mentioned in the Harry Potter Book Series. Since won't let me post lyrics, imagine the song "Lonely No More" by Rob Thomas accompanying this fic!. – Kumy

It had been so long since he had left. She did not know where he was or what he was doing. She did not know what side he was fighting for. And she hated herself for wanting him. The burn inside of her that never went away. It truly did not matter if he was Voldemort himself…she lusted for him and she could not do anything about it. She didn’t think it was love…it wasn’t sweet or kind, just rough and passionate. The War had just been beginning when he had disappeared…with a note just with the words “Wait for me, Nevra –D.M.” for her to treasure. He had left her behind without a care.

Now Harry Potter was lying in a coma after an attempt to kill Tom Riddle and Aurors were dying every day defending what this boy – no, this man – stood for. Oh, Ginny loved that man to death…as a brother. But he loved her…like a woman and a man. And she wanted to love him back and forget Draco…that’s why she had pretended to love Harry. But she could never lie to herself, never fool herself. This beautiful, good man with green eyes was not the one for her, no matter how much she regretted it.

And she was the one who would have to bring Harry back. Dumbledore was coming in a few minutes for the spell work. It was a spell that Dumbledore had created…no one knew whether it would work, or kill one or both of them. But she was ready to die to save this man, just to leave this futile longing behind. Death was welcome in exchange for losing the memories of the boy Draco Malfoy. A knock briskly broke her from her anguish. Dumbledore was here. She opened the door and looked. Then shut it. And pinched herself. She opened it again. This time, he grabbed her hand to keep her from closing the door. “Did you wait for me, Nevra?” She smiled bitterly.

“Did you think that I could do anything else? I am fascinated with you, even if you don’t seem to care about me. I wish I could have really loved Harry…but you wouldn’t go away.” She laughed, a horrible sound nothing like the ringing bells he remembered.

“I killed Lestrange two days ago. Voldemort hasn't found out, so I think I covered up my tracks. He’s a half-blood, you know. I spied for the Order, that's why I left.” Draco murmured earnestly.

“I’ve known that he was a half-blood since first year. And,” she said, as she yanked up his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark, “why should I believe you?”

“Because I care about you.” She shut her eyes against his nearly blue eyes.

“No, you don’t. You’re just using me.” She said harshly, ignoring the tingly feeling at finally hearing him say it out loud, not letting herself hope for them.

“So what if I am?” A curtain pulled shut in his eyes. She couldn’t tell what he felt anymore. He was angry, or hurt, or offended, or something beneath all that sudden coldness. She did not know anymore.

“Why do you have to come and upset my life? I am used to this.” She was frustrated with him.

“Used to what?” Used to longing for you, not having you right in front of me. Ginny thought secretly. But her mouth betrayed her mind.

“Just leave, Draco. I waited because my heart gave me no choice, not because I wanted to. I have business to conduct in a few minutes. Something a Death Eater should not be privy to. I can’t help wanting you. But I have a brain, the one thing that you didn’t take. You are on the opposite side of this war, and I can’t be near you. Maybe when we win, but not until then. And you will be in Azkaban then, so what’s the point?”

He pulled away from the hand he had been holding all this time like he had been burned. She knew she was hurting him…it was vengeance for the times he had left her in tears. But when his eyes grew wet, she knew she had gone too far. She reached out only for him to step away. “First, your heart only listens to what it wants. So you can help loving me…you just don’t want to. And I am not on the opposite side…where do you think the anonymous information was coming from in the Dark Side…Parkinson maybe?” He laughed harshly. “But I should have known you would not let me in. Silly me, thinking we could defy everything.” A tear slipped down his cheek. She stopped him from leaving with a simple question.

“I don’t love you, I lust for you.” I hope, Ginny thought to herself. “How do I know you aren’t lying?”

He looked relieved. “Test me with Veritaserum.”

A cracked voice said quietly, “No.”

Ginevra smiled inside as Draco turned to face Dumbledore. Draco grimaced and Dumbledore looked on grimly.

“We will test you with Felis Semper.” Ginevra gasped, and Draco’s eyes widened.

Ginevra stuttered, “You mean- you mean, using one’s reason for living to find the truth within the person?”

Dumbledore simply nodded and apparated them to Hog’s Head. “You will understand why I cannot take you to Hogwarts, Mr. Malfoy.”

Draco nodded curtly. Dumbledore took them to a private room and cast the spell on Draco. A picture of Ginevra appeared from Draco’s wand. Ginevra gasped as Draco smirked. “Told you I care about you,” Draco said smugly.

Dumbledore broke in, “Are you fighting on the Light Side?” Ginevra and Draco nodded at the same time. Dumbledore said smilingly, “Ginny will answer, Draco…you don’t need to do anything.”

Dumbledore said, “Why did you get the Dark Mark?” Ginevra answered in a voice not her own.

“Because I wanted to spy on Voldemort for Ginevra. That is why I left Nevra to go undercover. I gave her up…hope she didn’t go to Potter.”

Dumbledore smiled for the first time in a long time. “I believe that is all for today. Welcome to the Order, Mr. Malfoy. We will have to wait to revive Harry…Ginny will be spent by this magic. Take her home and put her to bed, Draco.”

Draco immediately picked up the faltering Ginny in his arms. “We’re going home, Nevra, just lay still, okay?” He whispered in her ear. She sleepily nodded and settled herself in his arms, tucking her head under her chin. He shut his eyes, trembling at the feel of her against him. He had missed her so much. With a pop, they appeared inside of her flat. He looked down at her questioning with his eyes…she smiled weakly.

“Only I can get inside through Apparating so I had to do it,” she said softly. Watching her look at him so softly, he nearly melted as he carried her to her bedroom. “Come to bed, Draco.” She said to him softly as he began to back away once he tucked her in to bed. He gaped at her and she let out a very unladylike giggle. He gingerly lifted the sheets and slid into the bed, curving his body around hers and wrapping his arms around her waist tightly. She breathed in his scent, trying to memorize this feeling, this day, everything.

She had been so lonely for so long. Harry had never been as fulfilling a lover as Draco…not mentally and not physically. She had had her heart broken so many times by this man, shattered and crushed and cracked and cut…but her heart always came back to him. She didn’t want to get hurt for loving him. She didn’t want to get hurt for something she couldn’t help. She didn’t want to get hurt for taking him back in when he showed up at her door. She was angry, but when he was close, she couldn’t think of that anymore. She fell asleep as his heartbeat thudded steadily in her ears. When she woke up the next morning, he was gone. Now she was tremendously angry. She was like her brother when she got angry…it just took more to get her to that state.

She remembered he hated her leaving him before he woke up in the morning. So why was he daring to leave her? Did he care about her? After all, if he saw something to gain, he would lie. It was the Slytherin in him. Was he using her? Was she using him? She did not know. All she knew is that she did not want to feel empty as she had all these years without him.

Suddenly he walked in, his eyes red and streaks of salt creasing into his cheeks where he had cried. His hair was matted with blood and the Dark Mark burned midnight black on his arm. She gasped and grabbed a cloth as she warmed water on the stove. He collapsed on the couch and moaned softly. She sat on the edge of the couch with him and began dabbing at his head with the wet cloth, trying to clean away all the dirt and dried blood. He hissed with pain as she dabbed. “Sorry, Draco, but I have to.” She whispered at him.

“Use your wand, girl, or have you lost your touch?” He gritted out at her.

“I can’t…the wound has to be clean. How did this happen?” She snapped at him. “I’m nearly done, you baby. Just don’t squirm.”

He winced. "Voldemort...decided I wasn't doing enough work for the Dark Side."

She frowned at this but she finally had it clean and Draco’s hair looked blonde again. She whispered, “Medicos,” and the cut close. “You will have a scar…can’t do anything about that.”

“Mmm…” Draco’s eyes slowly shut and his face relaxed. He looked like an angel.

When he woke up, he called for her and she came up to him. “We need to talk.”

“Sure.” She sat down next to him.

“I know you have been…err, involved with…Potter. I have been involved with girls too. Um, Lavender Brown…Hannah Abbott…err, what was her name…oh, Padma Patil…um…”

“Why does it matter? We aren’t committed to each other. We never were.” Ginevra said hotly, her fists clenched at her sides.

“Um, right, well, I wanted to talk to you about me. About- About me and how I feel and what I’ve done. You were my Angel…my savior. And without you I just feel like…like there’s no hope. But I have joined Voldemort, even if it’s only to spy for the Light. If He ever finds out, I will be dead within seconds. And you will be too. Because He will, just to be hurtful. And I have killed people to keep up my façade.”

She just looked at him, sorting her thoughts. “I know. And I want you anyways. But I don’t think that we should be together.”

“Wha-Why the hell NOT?”

“Because we don’t belong together.”

“You make me feel everything…you make me alive, and you say we don’t belong together. Don’t you feel it, Nevra? If I let you go, it all falls apart. I cannot live without knowing that you care for me…that you are waiting for me. God, Nevra, I – I missed you. I wanted you. I thought about you at night when I hurt at all the things I had done that day to taint my soul. And you made it all right for me…made me know I was doing the right thing. Don’t you feel anything for me?” He said desperately, his eyes pleading with her.

She took a deep steadying breath. “I – I don’t know. All I know is that right now, we can’t be together. I’m with Harry. I don’t know how I feel about you. You’re tearing me apart inside and I can’t deal with that right now. I can’t deal with being hurt for wanting you so bad you can hurt me with a look. I don’t want you at my door. I don’t want any of this right now. It’s just too much.”She took a deep steadying breath. “I – I don’t know. All I know is that right now, we be together. I’m with Harry. I don’t know how I feel about you. You’re tearing me apart inside and . I can’t deal with being hurt for wanting you so bad you can hurt me with a look. I don’t want you at my door. I don’t want right now. It’s just too much.”

His face fell and he looked utterly vulnerable for a moment. She wanted to gather him in her arms and hold him as tight as she could. Then his face hardened into the mask that he had always wore…before everything happened. Before she fell in love with him, a little treacherous voice in her head told her. And even worse than hearing that, she knew that the voice was right. She was hopelessly in love with a man she wished she could hate. She loved a man who did not love her, left her years ago, was working with Voldemort, had killed people, and used girls like toys. Could it get any worse? She shouldn’t have tested her luck.

He said coldly, “Fine. You don’t want me when I thought you were the one person I could depend on.”

She snapped at him, her anger getting the better of her, “You broke my heart when you left me that day. You didn’t give an explanation, just expected me to wait for you. You took my chance at a life away. You haunted me…I couldn’t even flirt with a guy without feeling like I betrayed you. And you broke my heart. I love you, God-damn-it! And all you think about is how you feel, and what you want. I gave you your chance…one more than anyone else cared to give you. You ruined it…how dare you call me unfaithful! I waited more than 4 years for a man who I didn’t even know was alive.”

He looked at her and yelled, “YOU LOVE ME? WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU AREN’T THE ONE WHO GAVE UP EVERYTHING JUST FOR A LOOK FROM A GIRL! THAT’S WHAT I DID FOR YOU! YOU THINK YOU LOVE ME? I GAVE UP EVERYTHING FOR YOU! EVERYTHING!”

She just looked at him, the tears running down her cheeks. Not being able to bear it, he pulled her close and wiped the tears away with his thumbs, cupping his face in his hands. Just as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he bent down and kissed her gently. And began to step away. Fire burning in her eyes, she yanked him to her and slammed her mouth on his. She pulled away for air, breathing into his ear, “You can’t do this to me. I want you inside of me. I missed this for so long.” He whispered hotly into her neck, smirking into her skin, “Your wish is my command.” And began to suck softly at her pulse point, feeling her heart racing. She gasped and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the bedroom and slamming the door shut behind them…

She woke up the next morning with a pleasant soreness in her thighs. He was tangled up in her, his long legs draped around hers and his hand playing with her belly button. She laughed huskily…a sound that made him shiver. “I don’t feel empty anymore.” She whispered at him.

“You should.” He said jokingly.

She hit him weakly on the arm. Then pulled away and said faintly, “I have to say something.” He looked at her expectantly, his gray eyes smoky with lust already. “No really, listen to me.” He nodded, his eyes clearing. “I- I …Oh Merlin, Draco, I love you.”

His jaw dropped. He seemed incapable of speech. “You can leave, I will understand,” she said miserably, untangling herself from him and pulling back.” His mouth closed…opened, then closed again.

“I-I love you, too.” Then his body’s heavy right weight came onto hers. And she clasped him tight, knowing this was what she wanted for the rest of her life. They may die soon, but this is what she wanted for as long as she could get it. Despite everything.

Love pushes everything else away. It sweeps you under its intoxicating waves. It is everything you want it to be in your deepest of hearts. It is always what you need, no matter if it is not what you think you want. Whatever it is, no matter what it does to you, it is what makes life worth living. No one can argue with that.