The Lesson Never Learned

kumydabookworm

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 04/08/2005
Last Updated: 04/08/2005
Status: completed

She had promised herself she would never cry because of a man again…yet here she was making the same mistake. Guess the heart never learns its lesson. One Shot.

Chapters

1. A Lesson Never Learned

1. A Lesson Never Learned

Her tears fell, soaking the opal ring on her finger. She was crying because of a man…again. The two men were so very different, yet so the same. She had promised herself she would never cry because of a man again…yet here she was making the same mistake. Guess the heart never learns its lesson.

In the haze of the Last Battle, she had not seen her beloved fall. She had found out a week later, once she was dismissed from Saint Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies. Her mother had haltingly related the tragedy to her with tears in her eyes. Killing Voldemort had taken his life, but Oliver had taken her heart with him to the Afterlife. She had pushed everyone away. Ron and Luna’s wedding had only been a bitter reminder of what Oliver and she could have had. She had wanted to marry him before the Last Battle, but he said that he could not let her become a widow because of him. That had been their only fight during their 3-year relationship (including a 2-year engagement). They had made up only the night before the Battle when he came to say good-bye to her. She still remembered that day.

She sobbed into her pillow. How could he reject her when he was the only thing that mattered to her? How could he not let them be together for however long they had before the end? A soft knock broke into her thoughts.

“Ginny, we need to talk. Please open the door.” It was him. She didn’t want to see him right now. “Please, Ginny, I- this may be the last time we have the chance. I-I am leaving tomorrow.” She stopped, her mind going blank in shock. He waited patiently outside the door. When coherence returned, she sprung up and threw the door open, throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his chest. He gently pushed her inside her room and shut the door quietly behind them. He settled them on the bed and held her until her desperate sobs faded away, trying to memorize the feel of her against him, the scent of her, the redness of her hair, the way the freckles dappled across her skin…trying to memorize her, so that if the worst happened, he would have something to hold on to.

The first thing she said as soon as she could speak was, “You can’t, Oliver. You can’t leave me. You can’t die. You-you just can’t…it will kill me.” He smiled the broken smile of a man who is helpless in the eyes of destiny.

“This is what we live for. If-if I don’t do this, there will be nothing left to live for. I have to help Harry defeat Voldemort…you know the prophecy. It’s either Light or Dark…and it’s up to the Order to win it. And Gin…I…I love you.”

She gasped into his chest. Never before had he looked at her like his world was falling apart and she was the only thing that he was holding onto. Never before had he said those words like they were sacred to him. She looked at him and knew more than ever before that she loved him. “I love you too, Oliver Wood…and that is why I am giving you this.” She held out the amulet she had so carefully prepared and he took it in his hands.

“What is it?” She smiled at him.

“It will give you the true answer to one question that you ask…but only one. True love fuels it…I love you, and that is why it will work. I tested it with a tester spell just to make sure…but I think I already knew that it would work. Oh, and the question and its answer will also be given to me at a time of destiny’s choosing.” He paused then opened his mouth as if to speak. She broke in before he had the chance. “Take your time…think of the one question in the entire world whose answer matters the most.”

He looked at her a while, then nodded. He spoke, "What is love?"

A mysterious echoing voice permeated the room. "Love is the lesson the heart never learns."

“I thought you wouldn’t hear it, Ginny.”

“I guess I was ready for the answer, too. I love you, Oliver. Remember that. Fight for me.”

He didn’t respond, only pulled her against him and held her, tucking her head under his chin. They sat comfortably in the silence until Oliver spoke. He asked quietly, “Can I stay here for the night?” She grinned at him, blinking back tears at the thought of the future they might never have.

“Did you even have to ask?”

She was all alone after he died. She built up walls so high and deep that no one knew her anymore. No one. She moved to the Muggle world and broke off contact with all wizards but Albus Dumbledore. She was untouchable, immune to love, her heart surrounded by steel as it was. Until he came along…

He changed everything. He gave her back her heart, broke her every promise, shattered every guarantee in this world…made it possible to love again. Then he pushed her away and took her heart with him, just as Oliver did so many years ago. She looked back at her time with the second man who changed her life.

She had bumped into him (literally) in a Muggle sports store. She didn’t recognize him with his ragged jeans not showing his wealthy status and a hooded sweatshirt hiding his trademark blond hair. A person had rushed by her and knocked her into him. She had looked up at his face to thank him and his smirk had stopped her dead in her tracks. She remembered the bittersweet memory of their first conversation.

The man said, “Why Weasley, recognize me?” His voice reminded her. It had lost the immature whine that used to taunt her and had grown deep…silky, almost.

She laughed bitterly. “I would recognize you anywhere, Malfoy, even in a Muggle store. Anywhere…and that’s not a compliment…merely a showing of how much I hate you.” His eyes grew steely as silver.

“There’s a thin line between love and hate, Weasley. Trust me, I know.” At that, he had whirled about and strode away, leaving her puzzled and confused.

She had been surprised to see him. Turned out they kept meeting each other and finally her curiosity had led her to ask him to her flat. Draco had grown out of his “Malfoys are better than anyone else” phase, and that brought out an sarcastic, infuriating man…that was also kind at moments where you needed it the most, and was an interesting conversationalist. They had gotten to know each other quite well…but she never knew anything about his past after Hogwarts. She had never made a point of asking…and now it was coming back to kick her in the ass when she least expected it. She thought ahead to the day he had proposed to her. Their wedding was supposed to come in a month.

“Nevra…I need to talk to you.” Draco said softly into her hair as he held her tightly by the cheerily crackling fire. She turned in his arms to look up at him, her brown eyes clear and sincere.

“What is it, Angel?” He smiled at her and reached into his pocket for a box that he had kept there for months now. Somehow, everything was perfect now…at the moment he had waited for.

“I want you to be mine.” He said holding out the box. Her face gave in to her confusion. “For the rest of our lives. Forever mine.” Her eyes widened in realization…and slight disbelief.

“You-you’re proposing to me? You want to marry me?” He smiled hesitantly. Was this the wrong choice? If she had any doubts of their love, should he risk everything he was risking doing this? What if the day came that his past would haunt him and he would hurt her? Nevertheless, he did want to marry her, so he knew what he would say.

“Yes, I am…and yes, I do.” He said slowly. She grinned, her chocolate eyes melting into his soul. Her eyes sparkled mischievously.

“Guess my answer.” Then his heart rose. As he went to kiss her, she pulled away. “Guess, first.” He sighed in exasperation.

“Yes?” She shook her head. He pulled away, going to stand up. The hurt was unbelievable…he was not going to cry in front of her after she rejected him. She grabbed his wrist and made him look at her.

“Yes for forever…I’ll be yours forever.” He swept her up in his arms and spun her around, feeling free for the first time in his life. He grinned down at her and laughed. She shrieked in surprise and he kissed her to keep her quiet so he could speak while she was quiet.

“Shouldn’t you open that box?” he asked once his lips left hers. She looked down at it in surprise.

“I forgot.” He laughed and took it from her. He opened the box and gently slipped the ring onto her slender finger. She gasped…it was a black opal, with iridescent reds, greens, purples and blues swirling through it. It was never the same…just like her.

“It fits you better than a diamond,” was his short explanation. “You’re mine, now.” She smiled.

“Always.”

The tears slipped down her cheeks and she gripped her shot-glass tightly as pain coursed through her. He had waited nearly 3-years for this marriage…how could he leave her after so long? Without an explanation…leaving her as torn as Oliver had so many years before. She still wore his ring…she couldn’t manage to leave it behind. Unlike with Oliver, there was no one to give her heart back to her…he had taken it forever. Just like she was his forever. All of her. She knew that if he came back now, she would embrace him without question…and never let go of him again. She hated herself for it…but she would.

She went to her last memory of him. The day he threw it all away. The day he pushed her away. The day he took her heart and never came back. The day he said that they were done.

She had been sitting in her bed in her flat, dreaming about the wedding they would have. She had gotten all the way to the bouquet she would hold when a sharp knock was heard at the front door. When she opened the door and smiled at him, he had stepped in briskly, almost roughly and slammed the door behind him. The pain, the torment, the fear, the confusion and most of all the longing in his stormy grey eyes had startled her. Suddenly he slammed his mask in place...the one he had never shown her since the day of their engagement…and his eyes blanked. His voice was firm and steady as he spoke.

“Nevra, I can’t be with you.” She gasped and stepped back against a wall, feeling its solidarity for comfort, for a handhold on her reality.

“What? What is going on, Draco?” His mask showed no pity for her hurt. He did not move to sooth the pain, just stood there, delivering news like a messenger.

“You don’t know me, Ginevra. You never have, because I never let you. Now, I must return to who I really am. I don’t love you, Nevra. You are a great woman, and I like you…but you follow your heart too much. There is no such thing as love. Goodbye, Nevra.” At this, he stepped away from her and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

She collapsed to the floor, numb with shock. She had never cried over him…there were no tears to heal the depth of pain she felt. She held her face in her hands as her world fell apart around her.

Although he had said it, she found herself not believing that mask of his. Her mind said that wasn’t true, but she found herself desperately clinging to the hope that he had done it for some other reason than the fact that he didn’t love her. She couldn’t make herself move on. She had spent countless hours trying to forget him…but every time she tried, his tormented, pained, fearful, confusing, longing eyes came into her mind, and she forgave him again for hurting her. Those eyes were her undoing…they went against everything he had told her. After all, they said the eyes were the windows to the soul. And she just couldn’t let go of him…because of his eyes. If he could just tell her straight to her face with an open face that he didn’t want her…if he could make her believe him, she would leave the memories in the past. She would never forget, she would hurt forever, but she would stop hoping for them…for a future with Draco.

Without him, she was lost. She could only forget when she drowned herself in amber whiskey and her mind became a fuzzy haze. She could not even count the amount of times she had risen to find herself lying outside a locked bar at 6 a.m. anymore. The more she felt, the more she remembered her heart belonged to Draco. The more she remembered that without him, she could not feel…she could not be alive. Not in the true sense of the word. She lived…but she wasn’t alive. She didn’t enjoy life, she had nothing to look forward to, and most of all, she didn’t feel.

Then she saw him. He was walking away, his back towards her. Against her own will, she found herself getting up and walking unsteadily towards him.

CHANGE TO DRACO POV (point of view)

It was his 4 month 3 week anniversary. That was his excuse for “celebration,” today. Celebration meaning drinking whiskey shots until he couldn’t think, couldn’t feel anymore. He had told her that it was over 4 months and 3 weeks ago. He had survived 4 months and 3 weeks without her…without her smile, her laugh, her eyes, and her love. Tomorrow his celebration would be for his 4 months, 3 weeks, and one day anniversary. And so on, and so on. That was how he survived now.

He couldn’t let her die because of him. Better if she hurt for a while, better that she hated him, than his Fire died out. That was the mantra he repeated to keep himself from running back to her every second of each day. Narcissa, his mother, had died from her husband’s hand when she found him with Bellatrix. Bella and his father had gone into hiding once Voldemort disappeared. It was his greatest fear that they would come back to ruin his life. And they did. Lucius and Bella had appeared on his doorstep the night he broke away from Nevra. They had an unconscious Nevra with them, and his mind had gone blank with panic. They had threatened to kill her if he did not return to the magical world. So he had pushed her away…knowing that his father would always be waiting around the corner to ruin his dreams. Now this is what was left of his life. Sitting in a nearly empty bar long into the night drinking his sorrows into a haze. And then, he saw her.

She was still wearing his ring, but she was crying. Even with his numbed emotions, that thought shook him to his core. She hadn’t forgotten him…but he had to forget her. He wanted nothing more than to go and comfort her; even though, he probably was the reason for her tears…he hoped he was. He couldn’t let her see him. He got up and began to walk away when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned slowly, only to look into brown eyes filled with tears.

“You’re miserable. Why are you miserable? Why are we apart if it makes us miserable? Damn it, Draco, give me my heart back if you aren’t going to give me yours.” Her tone slowly grew from sad to furious as she spoke.

He looked down…he couldn’t look her in her face. Of their own accord, words slipped from his unwilling lips. “You already have my heart, Nevra.” Her eyes widened.

She could have sworn he said the words she had dreamed him saying in her fantasies. “What did you say, Draco?”

He smiled bitterly. He looked like a broken man. “You always will,” was his only reply. He turned to leave and she grabbed his wrist, suddenly desperate.

“Why are we apart, then, Draco? Why are you hurting me…hurting yourself? What have you done to punish yourself like this…what have I done?” He averted his face, avoiding her stare. She grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him to her, kissing him hard, showing him the desperation, pain, loneliness…everything she had felt in the past months. In a distant corner of her mind that was yet coherent, she noticed him kissing her back with equal fervor. Suddenly he pulled away, as if remembering something. But she held on to his arm still, and turned his face to hers.

“Tell me that it is over, Draco, and I will leave. It will hurt, but I will do it. Look me in the eye and tell me that it is over.”

He looked at her with stormy eyes identical to the time she last saw him. “I-I can’t. But Nevra, we have to. We can’t stay together.”

She said quietly, “If you can’t say it, I am not leaving, Angel. Let me love you.”

He knew he had already surrendered, and he hated himself for it. “You-you will die because of me, Nevra. Please don’t do this. I can’t stop you…I don’t want to…but you will die. And I can’t live with that. Please, Angel. Just…please.”

She gently shook her head at him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Do you think I care? I love you, Draco. That’s the be all and end all of it…I don’t care about anything else but that.” He pulled away and took a deep breath.

Tears glistened in his eyes as he looked straight at her. Hurt shown as he stumbled through the words, “We can’t…be together, Nevra. We just…It’s over. I won’t let you die…you can’t die. But I love you…I love you. Don’t ever forget that, Angel. ” A sob slipped from between his lips as unwilling tears began to cascade.

She looked at him in shock as he slowly backed away from her, tears streaking trails down both their faces. He finally turned away from her to walk out the door. His knees gave out in the cold snow covering the entranceway and he leaned against the wall just next to the door, crying into his hands. She went after him and gathered him in her arms as they both cried, mourning the future that would never be theirs. Finally they broke apart and he looked at her for a long time. With a soft caress of her cheek, he turned and strode off into the night. She watched as she cried for the third time over a man. Guess the heart never learns its lesson.

Love is unbreakable, but it can break a person with its rigidity. It is what makes life bearable…and what makes it unbearable. What makes painful, what makes it joyous. But without it, one never lives. Better to be joyful for a few moments in a life of pain then to never know joy at all.