A Beautiful Disaster

This story occurred to me on a long drive. I hope it touches you as much as it touched me. Please please please leave a review. Like it or hate it I just want to know! Song lyrics are by Kelly Clarkson. As always, Harry Potter and Co. do not belong to me. <3 <3 Erin

He drowns in his dreams

An exquisite extreme I know

He's as damned as he seems

More heaven than a heart could hold

And if I tried to save him

My whole world could cave in

Just ain't right

Just ain't right

Oh and I don't know

I don't know what he's after

But he's so beautiful

Such a beautiful disaster

If I could hold on

Through the tears and the laugher

Would it be beautiful

Or just a beautiful disaster

Hermione stared out the window has her mum fussed wit her hair. Today was a big day. What was supposed to be one of the biggest days of her life. Five hours from now she would be walking down the aisle to get married. She would be exchanging vows and confessing her love for a man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with in front of half the wizarding world. She was only nineteen and was already on the front page of the Daily Prophet, the Quibbler, and lord knows what else. They were praising this wedding as being a wedding of the ages. (They reserved the title “Wedding of the Century” for Harry's wedding, if he ever had one.) Yes, Hermione was marrying her other best friend, Ron Weasley.

Ron proposed about two months ago after news the final war was just around the corner. The deaths have piled up to not only Sirius and Dumbledore, but Hagrid and Tonks as well. Ron confessed he was unsure about his ability to live through the war, and wanted Hermione to be his before they went off to fight. She cried and told him she was already his, but still agreed to marry him.

She normally never rushed into things, but she too was scared about the war. She wanted to know she had a reason to fight. A reason to keep going. She had moments though, moments where she wondered if she was making a horrible mistake.

As her mum finished securing the barrettes in her hair, there was a soft nock on the door. She was walking over to get it when her mum pushed her back, "It might be Ron! It's bad luck for the groom to see his bride on their wedding day!” She opened the door a crack, trying to make out who it was while still keeping Hermione out of view. She signed with relief and said, “Oh good, it's you Harry. Come on in, I just finished Hermione's hair. Hermione dear, try not to mess it up. I have to run and check on the food. I'll be back in a bit. If you make her cry and mess up her make-up Harry, I'm not going to be very happy.”

“I won't Mrs. Granger,” Harry replied, laughing as the older woman walked out the door.

Hermione looked up to see Harry, not yet in his suit, looking at the ground. Her heart fluttered slightly, before returning to its normal rhythm. What was wrong with her? She had always liked Harry, but it was just a childhood crush she had never grown out of. That's why she was glad he was here right now. She had wanted to get this off of her chest so she could go into her marriage without any feelings of guilt or deception.

Harry looked up at her bringing her out of her thoughts. He smiled and said, “Hermione, you look…beautiful. Absolutely stunning. Ron is one lucky man.” He swept her up into a hug and kissed her cheek. She blushed and looked at him.

“Is everything all right?”

Harry stared at her for a moment then blinked, “What? Oh yeah…Ron said to say he loves you so much and can't wait to see you in your dress,” he smiled devilishly. “Although by the look in his eyes he would rather see you out of it.”

Hermione went crimson and swatted at his arm. “You two are too much.”

“So is everything running on schedule?”

“Well actually Harry, I need to talk to you. It's important.” Hermione bit her lip as she saw his brow crease.

Harry searched her eyes as if he could find the problem. “Do you want to talk here or somewhere else?”

“I'd rather be somewhere else,” she started, but before she could even finish her sentence she felt that pull on her nostrils and tried to stop the sick feeling she always got when she apparated. With a thud she landed in the middle of a park in a muggle community. As Harry led her over to the swings Hermione realized what a sight she must be for anyone walking by, sitting on the swings in a puffy wedding dress complete with a train and veil talking to a man in khakis.

“Sorry about this place, it was the first thing I could think of. I grew up just two blocks away. This is where I went to escape from Dudley when him and his gang would torment me. It's safe to talk here.”

“Thanks. It's just, I wanted to tell you something. I should have told you this a long time ago. I don't want this to burden my marriage tomorrow or a year from now, but I have always had feelings for you,” she gulped and rushed on, “I tell you this now because I know we are close enough friends for our friendship to be able to survive this. The first day I met you on the train, I was…” Hermione laughed slightly, not believing she was telling him this. “I was sure you were the boy I was going to marry. I know I was just a child, but I was so confident in that decision I had made. You were so brave, and nice, and not at all the prat you should have been with all your fame. I've carried this crush with me all these years. I never told you because I know we've always been just friends, and I didn't want you to laugh at me. And I just had to tell you now so I'd have a clear conscious.”

Harry stared at her, unsure of what to say, unsure of what he was hearing. “But Hermione, this doesn't make any sense. You were always happy when I went out with someone, and you were one of the main forces that got me and Ginny together in our sixth year. If you liked me how come you didn't speak up?”

“Because Harry, you liked those girls, not me. I wanted you to be happy, even if that meant not being with me.”

Harry looked at her with those deep green eyes and said, “Well that was awfully stupid, Hermione. You mean more to me than all those other girls.”

Before Hermione even knew what she was doing, she leaned in and captured Harry's mouth in a kiss. She sighed and in a flash his arms were around her waist and she was running her fingers through his hair. Then, as if they were made of ice and a sculptor took a well aimed stab with his ice pick, they broke apart, panting and wondering what the hell had just happened.

“Hermione, you're getting married today! To our best friend! We can't do this.”

“I know! I know!” she said, getting up from the swing and pacing back and forth. It was rather hard to do in a full bridal gown. Her head was spinning. She loved Ron! But then why was kissing Harry so good? Wait a minute, why was she kissing Harry in the first place? It is just a crush! Was just a crush, that's right. Nothing real, nothing substantial. She turned to Harry her head in her hands. “I don't know what's wrong with me! I should be so happy, but I'm not. I'm scared, and worried, and you're the only one who's ever been able to make me see sense. Please Harry, help me.”

She sat back on the swing and looked up to Harry , her eyes pleading for some kind of comfort, some reassurance that it's okay for you to feel this way before you get married. He took her hand and traced the little lines on her palm, contemplating what to say.

“Hermione, I've known you for a long time. You are one of my best friends, and one of the only people I can truly confide in. I've never thought of you in a romantic because I always saw you and Ron together. But every time I was in a relationship, something always lacked, and that something I could always find in you. Whether it was sincerity, or kindness, or understanding, they never had it, but you always did. I just dismissed it as me knowing you too well, so I would always compare you to other girls. I don't think that was it though. I think a part of me realized you've had everything I've ever wanted. But I could never admit that because you were with Ron.”

Before either of them knew what was happening, they were together again. All the pent up tension was being released as the clung to each other, hands flying, lips wandering, and hearts being brought together. Hours could have passed, they did not know, nor did they care. As they held each other they knew that empty place in their hearts, the place where all the doubts and fears were stored had vanished. Only yesterday they were just friends, with no intent to be anything more. Now here they were with so much more in mind. It took them nine years to realize what they had between them. Nine years to realize what they could have been. And now they had to decide what to do with that realization.

As they pulled apart from one another, finally having a chance to breathe, they found themselves talking. Talking about dreams and fears, and old memories. It's been a long time since we talked like this, she realized. She missed it. They shared their most embarrassing moments, stories about their families, and their deepest secrets. As Hermione felt the time pass she realized she had never known someone so well. Known them inside and out. Shouldn't she be this way with Ron? She's marrying him! The least she could do is know him like this. Like her and Harry do.”

“”Harry, what are we going to do? This is so rushed! My marriage is rushed! When did my life decide to turn onto the fast lane?”

“We have to forget this ever happened,” he said, squeezing his eyes shut as he willed himself to say the right thing. “We have to go back there laughing and smiling and walk you down that aisle. As much as I want to, as much as I need to, I can't be selfish about this. You made a promise to Ron, and I as his best mate have to respect that.”

“But Harry!” Hermione said frantically, trying to think of some way. “What about us? What about our possibility together? Are we just going to throw that away? Why can't we be selfish?! It's not like we're running away! We'll just take some time to evaluate everything and give us a chance!”

“Dammit Hermione! We're not some characters in a book! This is life. What about Ron? He loves you more than anything. Do you know how much this will hurt him? I wouldn't be surprised if he went into the final battle trying to get himself killed! We'd loose his friendship and I'd loose the only family I've ever had. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Especially when I'd know what you'd be sacrificing. You'd be giving up a stable home and a loving family for what? A man who can't even be in the same place twice due to all the people trying to kill him? A man who has no certain future, no future goals, and will probably die to save the wizarding world? I can't put you through that. You need stability and comfort. I can give you neither of those things.”

Hermione fell into him, just wanting to feel him, wanting to know he was there. “Harry, don't say that! You are going to live! I don't need those things. I… I..,” her voice cracked as tears overcame her. “I don't want to give you up! I'm not strong enough!” She sobbed on his shoulder, her chest heaving.

Harry held her like he'd never let go. All too soon however, he did. “Ron will take care of you. Ron will make you happy,” he said, spreading tender kisses over her hair. “I'll always be here for you, always Hermione. We may have realized too late what we could have had together, but we're still best friends. I will always be here for you,” he repeated as he stood up and pulled her to her feet. “Now we have a wedding to get you to.” With a quick look around for any lurking muggles, he cast a spell that had Hermione looking as good as new. Her dress became wrinkle free, and all the many bobby pins and hair ties were secured tightly back in place. There was a new addition to her wardrobe though. One she felt sitting lightly around her neck. As she looked down she saw a delicate white lily on a gold chain with a little green emerald placed square in the middle of the flower's petals.

“To think of me with. Consider it an early wedding present.”

“Oh… Harry… it's so beautiful. Thank you.”

“Not as beautiful as you Hermione. When you look at it know I'm thinking about you. Know that no matter how hard life may get you will always be in my heart.”

Her eyes filled to the brink with tears, threatening to overspill. “Ginny will take good care of you.” She reached herself forward for one last kiss. One last stolen moment. She sighed and saved everything to memory, never wanting to forget these few hours at the park. All too soon she felt that familiar pull on her nostrils as she was thrown forward, hurtling to her future, heading back into reality.

The grand doors to the muggle church were thrown open as Hermione and her father took their first steps down the aisle. It was a traditional wedding in every sense, except for the guests, who wore long cloaks and pointed hats. The photographer here for the ceremony captured every step on film, as a string quartet played in the background. The church overflowed with roses. Red roses lined the aisles and spilled from the ceiling and the walls and from the chairs. It was the most breath-taking sight Hermione had ever seen, and yet, somehow in just five hours, it had managed to loose its magic.

It was rather ironic that Hermione was not carrying roses. Something in her gut told her when she planned this to be different. That's why she was carrying a bouquet of lilies instead. She wore a princess style gown with pearls laced into the veil and train. It was a classic gown for a classic girl. A tiara sat upon her head among all the bobby pins and clips. But her most treasured item was not the shoes or the lace, but the little lily necklace shining brightly on her neck.

As her journey down the aisle was almost completed, she looked up. There was Ron, smiling brightly and waiting for her. Across from him was Ginny, and Bill and Fluer's little daughter Ashley holding a box of petals. And standing right next to Ron was Harry. He looked so gorgeous in that crisp suit, with that untidy black hair. And God, those eyes. She reached a hand, unconsciously, up to grasp her necklace. She felt strength radiate from it, and at that moment their eyes locked. She felt like her knees were about to give out right then. I'm making a mistake! I shouldn't be getting married! A single tear fell to her cheek. A tear, if anyone else saw would think was a tear of joy. As she smiled a meek smile at Harry she knew it was a tear for lost love and missed chances. It was a tear that told her she had had nine years to realize what she had now realized too late. All that time to step out of her comfort zone and face her feelings. All that time to realized there was a man out there that could make her feel more complete than the one standing in front of her now. But that time had passed. There were new years ahead. Years of change.

Her father pulled back her veil and slipped her hand into Ron's. It was then she realized things would be okay. As he gave her hand a gentle squeeze she knew this sacrifice she made would be worth it. She turned her head slightly, as Harry caught her eye. He was mouthing something so lightly, she had almost missed it. Well hidden from the view of others he whispered, “I love you.”

When the time came for her to say those two very important words she spoke them confidently, and with love. Ron meant a lot to her, and she knew he would make her happy.

“I do,” she said to the crowd as smiles broke out on everyone's faces. She turned her head slightly to catch Harry's eye and added a soft, “too.”

He's magic and myth

As strong as what I believe

A tragedy with

More damage than a soul should see

And do I try to change him

So hard not to blame him

Hold on tight

Hold on tight

I'm longing for love and the logical

But he's only happy hysterical

I'm waiting for some kind of miracle

Waiting so long

He's soft to the touch

But frayed at the ends he breaks

He's never enough

And still he's more than I can take

Such a beautiful disaster

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