Nobody's Perfect

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the Harry Potter characters, places, etc. They are the copyright of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury Publishing. I just borrow them for my own entertainment pleasure. The song lyrics at the beginning aren’t mine, either—they belong to Crossfade, and are from their song ‘Cold’.

Author’s Note: Be aware that this first part had been submitted previously here at Portkey, under the title of ‘Cold’. I have, however, changed the bit at the end, and made way for a second part, which has a happier—and overall, better—turn-out.

*****

Part One: The Past That Haunts Us

I never really wanted you to see

The screwed up side of me that I keep

Locked inside of me so deep

It always seems to get to me

I never really wanted you to go

So many things you should have known

I guess for me there’s just no hope

I never meant to be so cold

***

“Oh, lighten up, Ginny, it’ll be fun!”

Oh, of course it would. It was the biggest party ever planned by the owners of the finest hotel in Scotland, wasn’t it? But it was the second time this week Luna had tried to get her to go out for a night on the town, just the girls, and Ginny had refused. They both knew why.

Ginny rolled her eyes, shaking her head and crossing her arms at her chest, “I’m not going, Luna. He’s going to be there—I know it. He may be disgraced, but he’s still a Malfoy. And I‘m sick of him; sick of his stupid games and lies,” she fixed her friend with a glare that should have sent a clear message, but she knew Luna wouldn’t back down. She really stood up for what she believed, that one, and although that might be considered an amusingly odd—err, good—quality most of the time, it mostly infuriated Ginny.

Luna remained serene, giving her one of those looks she wore most of the time—the kind that gave off the idea that her mind was elsewhere, and smiled, “You should hear what he has to say, at least,” she said, “Ronald and I have arguments all the time, and we get over them fairly quickly.”

Ginny gaped at her incredulously, “Merlin, Luna, has he ever given you everything you wanted—everything you dreamed of in a relationship, and then just drawn back? Has he ever done that more than once—three times, to be exact? Has he ever ripped your heart to shreds and come back to stamp all over it again?” her eyes threatened to water at her own words, but she held them back, willing herself to be strong about this. She had already decided what must have happened. No need to dwell in the past, even if it hadn’t been too long ago.

Silence met her words, and she knew Luna was grasping the gravity of the situation now. After weeks of pointless arguments, she had finally gotten it into her irrationally clouded mind. Ginny allowed herself another glare in her direction.

“No…no, he hasn’t,” Luna muttered, sighing. She looked at Ginny in the eye finally, and for once, Ginny didn’t feel as if her mind was elsewhere. If anything, she felt her friend was painfully concentrating on the problem at hand, and that for once, she wouldn’t be vague in her advice, “But really, Gin…try talking to him. See what he has to say. I’m not telling you to forgive him. Just…listen.”

“I won’t. He’s a bloody git and he doesn’t deserve to be listened to.”

“Do you really mean that?” Luna’s voice was soft as she gathered her shoes and her bag, “I don’t think you do, Ginny. You love him, and ignoring him might be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.”

Ginny remained silent, holding her head low and gazing at a spot on the rug. She didn’t want to listen right now. Luna didn’t know what she was talking about anyway. She hadn’t ever gone through something like this. She hadn’t felt such overwhelming longing at the hands of another, but been denied. She hadn’t had him a hands breath away, hers for a night of promises and passion, and then snatched away. She hadn’t heard his cold words of goodbye, or read his farewell note, so neatly laid on the table. She hadn’t been pushed away whenever she tried to bring him back…she hadn’t had her feelings hurt more times than she cared to remember, her heart shattered…life completely turned upside down.

She had never felt anything remotely like the misery Ginny was feeling.

She would never understand.

“Do you really want to lose him?” Luna added softly, before shutting the door behind her.

Ginny buried her head in her hands. Had he ever been hers at all? Had he ever truly felt something for her? She had thought he did. She had believed his promises, fallen for his charms so naively…she’d fallen head over heels for him, believing she had found true love at last. They had, after all, known each other for quite some time. Working together at the Ministry, they’d quickly begun to eye each other. Hogwarts was over, wasn’t it? The old rivalries were still there, but a few encounters changed it all. They were drawn together, in a silent war that waged between them and their emotions, and she had gone blindly to him.

Blind as could be...she’d never been so enticed by another. Dean turned her down once, and she got over him in less than a week. Harry turned her down in the early years of her crush, and later broke up their long-term relationship in their seventh year, explaining he wanted her to be safe, and that with Voldemort after him she wouldn’t be. Ginny never knew if her safety was truly the only reason, or if feelings for Hermione were softly prodding him to do it. Either way, those two got together after they’d left Hogwarts, and Ginny got over him as soon as she saw how happy they were. Sure, she had her rows with him at first, and had pushed them away, but she had matured. Sometimes things just weren’t what you wanted them to be.

Her seventh year had been spent as single, so when she left Hogwarts she was ready for someone new. Not necessarily a long lasting relationship…just someone to be with.

Oh, but she had gotten so much more…

Working in the Ministry in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement had been very interesting, particularly since she got to attend several hearings for Mr. Draco Malfoy, after the War had transpired. She had seen another side of him, one that her mind seized to understand. It was a side that was mostly hidden from view; that side she never even thought existed with him. Those emotions that one would think he never felt in his life—regret, sincerity…

It was so hard for her to process that. So very hard to accept that he had changed…but she had always been drawn to what she didn’t understand. She had wanted to discover him, to find out whether it was all a beautifully crafted lie, or a painful truth.

Curiosity did kill the cat…

-- FLASHBACK

“I was forced. My father was threatened. He was told that if I didn’t follow the Dark Lord’s ways, that we would all be killed. He tried to find a way out of it…he’s always supported Voldemort, but he didn’t want me to go through all that. Said it was more than he had bargained for, that you could never really trust. That every time, when you turned around, you found someone had stabbed you in the back, delivered you to death.”

There was a long pause, in which the people up on the stands commented on this, and Ginny just stared at the lone figure sitting so very far away, chained to that chair. Was that really Draco Malfoy? It couldn’t be. He never showed such vulnerability…and it was just that low voice he used, the resigned tone it held, that truly made her feel rather shaken.

“But…he couldn’t find a way out for any of us. He didn’t care if he died, but he didn’t want my mother and I to. So, one night, he took me to…to him—the Dark Lord. I couldn’t say no then…my family would have died. And, unbelievable as it may seem to you, I do care about them,” he added, his tone slightly scornful, but in a grim sort of way. The pain in his voice was very perceptible now, and he was looking up at Amelia Bones with a look Ginny had never seen in his face. It was a look of altogether sincerity and fear that she never thought he could convey, “I know I shouldn’t have tortured the Muggles, and I know I shouldn’t have killed…but I had to. I couldn’t just let my family and I die. Not like that. In my mind, those murders were necessary; they were for our survival. It became a way of life, a means to stay alive.”

There was silence for a moment, before Amelia spoke, “Mr. Malfoy…you must understand how hard it is for your story to be accepted. Many Death Eaters before you have lied, said things similar, and have turned out to be liars. Do enlighten us…what should make us believe you?” although her words were harsh and detached, her voice had lost its usual brisk manner. She spoke slowly, as if she were weighing each word carefully.

“I don’t know. I’ve told the truth. I can’t add more,” he said in a low voice, “I mean, all my life, I have lived in a place that openly treats Muggles and Muggle-Borns as something lower than dirt. And I have not changed in my judgment. I don’t consider those people to be as worthy of us wizards. But,” he hastened to add, seeing the looks on many of the witches and wizards on the stands, “I do think that The Dark Lord’s methods are rather drastic. I don’t support torture anymore than I support killing those people. I’m not okay with them, but I might as well live with them. They won’t go away, and over the years, I’ve realized this. I have changed, Madam, whether you believe so or not.”

There was a long pause, during which there could only be heard quills frantically scribbling on parchment, and throats being cleared. Several people made noises of incredulousness, while some nodded, as if they had understood Draco’s story, and believed it to be true. Ginny herself was in doubt. It was open knowledge that Draco hated Muggles and Muggle-Borns, but whether or not he enjoyed killing and torturing them was unknown to her. She pictured him doing those things, and a part of her continued to insinuate that this was an elaborate scam.

But for some reason, she thought he deserved a chance.

“All those in favor of Mr. Malfoy’s conviction, please raise your hands.”

Many of the witches and wizards on the stands raised their hands. Ginny counted them quickly, noting that they were exactly twelve hands in the air, out of twenty-five.

“All those in favor of allowing him a minor sentence?”

Many hands raised in the air…twelve of them. Ginny hadn’t raised her hand. Madam Bones counted them, a slight frown on her face. She was opening her mouth to speak before Ginny’s hand shot in the air. She gave the younger witch a slightly annoyed look, before nodding and turning back to Malfoy.

“Very well. Mr. Malfoy, you are hereby sentenced to six months in Azkaban prison, and twenty-four months of community service at the Ministry afterwards.”

Draco slumped in his chair, and he seemed to be letting out a breath. He looked up to meet Ginny’s eyes, and she gave him a mere hint of a smile, before returning to her things.

As Madam Bones passed her, she fixed Ginny with a stern look, “Weasley, I am entrusting you to keep him under your watch after he is released from Azkaban.”

“Sorry?”

“He is facing twenty-four months of community service by helping at the Ministry. I am assigning you to watch over him. His every move. Make sure he doesn’t hear anything he isn’t supposed to, and that he doesn’t wander off to where it is forbidden for him. I will be holding you partially responsible for any…problems that might arise.”

Ginny gave her a helpless look, “But…why me?”

Madam Bones ignored her last question, and walked away, giving her a curt nod as she did so. Ginny merely stood there, feeling dazed, wondering where this was going.

-- END FLASHBACK

Now she knew. She knew and however much she wanted to hate it…she enjoyed it. At first anyway. Now, she only wished this had never happened, that she had never raised her hand in favor of his release. She was now stuck with him, working at the Ministry. Lately she’d merely sent memos as a form of communication, and ignored him, but she knew that couldn’t last forever. That blissful, yet tense silence between them could not last for much longer. Either him or her would break it, and the cycle would go on.

Unless she stopped it. Which she would, on Monday. She would speak to Madam Bones and ask her to assign him to someone else. She was prepared to tell her the whole story, if necessary, though she preferred that she didn’t have to go to such lengths.

She couldn’t take this pain anymore…she didn’t know if she had the courage to push him away, just like he’d done to her so many times, but she knew she had to be. She couldn’t keep living like this.

“Do you really mean that? I don’t think you do, Ginny. You love him, and ignoring him might be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.”

Why did Luna have to say those precise words to describe what she felt? Love. It was such a strong word. She thought she loved him. She thought he had loved her. But he didn’t, apparently. If she was wrong about what he felt for her, then surely she was wrong about what she felt, right?

She had to be. She couldn’t love someone who made her suffer like this.

***

She was just around the corner of the hotel. Never mind the fact that he would be there. She had to get over him somehow, and showing him that she wasn’t crying her eyes out—even when she kind of was—would be a great start. She would go and be completely nonchalant about the whole thing. She would act professionally towards him, talk only about work, or unimportant things, and avoid any conversations about…them.

She became more confident, steadily, as she got ready. She took a long shower, bathed herself in a fine scent, and slipped on one of her favorite dress robes. She didn’t really prefer dress robes; it was just that, if she truly wanted to pull this whole ‘professional’ thing, she would have to avoid incurring any physical attraction. The robe was made of a fine, silky, turquoise material. It had a scoop neck in the front, and showed off most of her back, which, compared with most of her clothes, was prim.

She had looked in the mirror, deciding that it looked like something Hermione would wear, which was good.

After choosing her clothes, she had gotten ready fairly quickly. Before she knew it, she was grabbing her purse and preparing to Apparate, her foreboding steadily making her more nervous.

How would he react to seeing her out of the Ministry? It had been so long since their last night out…a month and a half. Odd, to think that she’d gone so long without speaking to him about anything other than work. Maybe she wasn’t as weak as she feared she was. Maybe she could do this, after all. Compared to seeing him everyday and work, this would be a piece of cake.

Right?

She turned the corner, seeing Luna waving at her madly from the entrance. She smiled, waved a hello, and walked towards her. They exchanged greetings and went inside. They sat down at a table and made small talk, mostly ignoring the fact that Ginny had been set, not too long ago, on not coming. Much to Ginny’s annoyance and curiosity, Luna kept humming an odd tune under her breath whenever they paused speaking. When Ginny asked what it was, she said it was a song she’d made up about Crumple Horned Snorkacks.

“Err…okay…”

“Ronald should be around here somewhere…” Luna said suddenly, craning her neck and standing on tiptoe to look around for him.

Ginny widened her eyes, groaning, “Luna! Weren’t we supposed to hang out tonight? You know, flirt with guys and make up stuff about ourselves?”

Luna gave her an apologetic look, “It’s thanks to him that we’re here. He was invited, being Harry’s friend and all, and he asked if I wanted to come along.”

“This is just great. Bloody brilliant. Go find him then,” she spat, her temper getting the better of her, “Go! I’ll just get a drink…” she added, standing up and storming away towards the bar. She didn’t know why this upset her so. Maybe because she felt everyone was leaving her nowadays. Whatever the reason was, she wasn’t happy.

As she sat down, she noted that he wasn’t there. Apparently, this night had been wasted. She had been so sure that he’d be there, just like he’d been all those other nights she had gone out. But maybe he hadn’t come so he could avoid her. Maybe he was sick of seeing her glare at him from the distance, and give him short, snappy responses when he spoke to her.

Maybe he’d never really felt anything for her. To him she was just a fling, or someone that he could turn to whenever he found himself without a lover. She hated that. She hated being thought of as nothing, but most of all, she hated feeling something for the person that thought of her in such a way.

How she wished she could fix this whole mess…or forget about it or something. She longed to not be burdened by him and the memories of their time together, by the pain and resentment she felt constantly…she wanted to be free again, happy.

“Ginny.”

She froze.

Oh, how her name sounded when he said it…it was like a soft caress. A shiver ran down her spine, and she choked slightly on her drink. She felt her palms become sweaty, her knees weak, and she felt her drink rattling around in her stomach dangerously. She sucked in a soft breath, willing herself to regain her composure, and turned in her chair to face him.

“Oh…hello, Draco,” she said, her voice level. She gave him a small smile, taking in the details of her appearance. Wearing long black pants and a green long-sleeved shirt with thin, pale blue stripes, and his hair falling casually over his gray eyes, he looked unbearably—and annoyingly—handsome to Ginny. Maybe it was the lighting, but she felt as if she were looking at him for the first time in days. She hadn’t allowed herself this luxury for such a long time…watching him, the way he looked, moved, but mostly, the way he locked his eyes onto hers. The way his eyes looked so deep…she felt she could lose herself in them.

“So…I see you’ve chucked your usual clothes,” he said snidely, taking the seat beside her and raking his eyes over her, “Well, the tiny bits of cloths you used to wear when we were out together.”

Ginny suddenly felt herself uncomfortable, “Err…yeah. This is much more…me,” she said weakly, looking for an escape.

“Miss prim and proper now? You’ve taken a leaf out of Granger’s book, haven’t you?”

“I can wear whatever I want, Malfoy.” she snapped suddenly, feeling her temper flare. Hadn’t he stopped acting like this so long ago? Sniping at her, taunting her for what she did. It had been so long since he’d been like this. Why did he have to go back to his old, infuriating self again?

There was a pause, in which he sighed and watched her glare at him. When he spoke next, his voice was much lower, and had taken on a softer note, “Can we…can we just talk, Gin? About what happened?” he asked. Ginny had to admit, she admired the way he steered the conversation straight to where he wanted it to go, but she wasn’t sure she wanted it to go there already. She wasn’t sure at all if she wanted to hear what he wanted to say.

For she knew. She knew that if she listened, she would surely go back into his arms, fall right under his spell. And when that happened, he would hurt her again. It was the way it all worked—they’d been through this before.

And she wasn’t going to give in now.

Ginny kept her eyes on his, “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about. I think it’s pretty clear that what he had—if we ever had anything, that is—is over.”

“It isn’t, Ginny. Please, just hear what I have to say—“

“No. I don’t want to. You’ll only take me back to where we started, and I’m sick of doing this all the time!” she hissed, “I want to forget about all this, and I can’t do that with you stepping all over me again.”

“I’m not going to, Gin! I never have! If you would just listen to me, I could explain it all!”

“Go to hell, Draco, I don’t want to hear it,” she snapped, snatching her bag of the counter and sliding off her chair. Making her way resolutely through the crowd, she tried to walk away from him as fast as possible. It killed her to be like this; to openly deny him anything with her, when she so desperately wanted him. But she had to, and it gave her a strange sense of pleasure to know she had the upper hand.

At least until he grabbed hold of her arm from behind. She whirled to face him, finding herself pressed against him. He raised an eyebrow, giving her that smirk she loathed, and backed away, still not letting go of her arm.

“Let go of me.”

“No. Not until you listen to what I have to say, Weasley,” he hissed, “I know you want to. It’s written all over you. Now will you please just…listen to me?”

Ginny glared up at him, keeping her eyes trained on his as he raised a hand to touch her cheek. His hand was warm, soft, and she loved the way it felt when he ran his fingers across her skin before lowering that hand to the nape of her neck. His other hand released her arm, finding her fingers and twining them with his. Her gaze had, by now, softened, and she looked at him with mingled longing and hate. She hated him for making this so difficult, for making it so difficult for her to reject him. She hated the way he made her anger go away so quickly, with his mere touch…the way he made her appear so weak…the way he made her feel so weak…

“I…” she could find no words. Her thoughts were raving around in her mind, telling her what to do, but her body wouldn’t cooperate. It felt numb, frozen in place, until she admitted that she would never be able to reject him, that she’d never be able to truly let him go.

Until she let herself give in again…

He lowered his hand from the nape of her neck, trailing it gently over her shoulders and upper back before leading her outside, away from the crowd. Once they found a secluded corner, he let go of her and sighed, his gaze on the floor.

“I don’t know what happened to me.”

His words broke the silence, and it took a while for them to sink in. Ginny finally understood what he’d said, and, slowly, she crossed her arms at her chest and nodded as a sign for him to continue.

“There were so many things I thought of, after that first night we were together. I thought that you deserved better than some Death Eater. I thought back on those years at Hogwarts, of how I’d treated you, and I thought you deserved better. Why should you settle for me? Why shouldn’t you go with someone else, who was kind to you and hadn’t done the things I did?” he said it all in a low, defeated voice, as if he’d been waiting for a long time to say it all, “I didn’t trust myself to tell you, and I thought we could both go on with our lives.”

Ginny shook her head, “You have to be kidding. Insecurity made you leave me like that?” she didn’t realize how cruel her words were until they left her mouth, and she knew she shouldn’t have said that in particular.

Draco looked up at her, scowling, “Yeah, and I’m effing sorry. I came back after that, the second time, with the intention of explaining that to you. It wasn’t quite so easy, though. You were—and are—so beautiful, Gin. After I saw you, I just couldn’t…I forgot why I’d left you in the first place. It just happened again. And this time, it was so hard to leave you again. I felt so different around you…no other girl had ever made me feel like that. I guess I was confused by that…I didn’t know what I was feeling.”

Ginny rolled her eyes, but remained silent. On the outside, she appeared scornful towards what he said, but inside she was frantically thinking through each and every single word he said, understanding what he was saying, but not really believing it.

“That happened the third time, too. Only that time, it was different. I realized something else.”

“What was that?”

“That I would never be able to leave you completely. That I had been wasting my time trying to do that. That I had underestimated my feelings for you.”

She held his gaze, narrowing her eyes, “What did you feel, then? D’you think you love me, Malfoy? Is that it?”

He shook his head, “I don’t think I do, Weasley. I know.”

Ginny felt her breathing become shallow and forced. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, her hands growing numb. She could feel her eyes water as she forced herself, for one last time, to look at him in the eye.

“You know nothing,” she spat, turning on her heel and walking away from him resolutely. She’d done it? She had finally turned her back on him, giving him the cold shoulder, like he had done to her so many times? It couldn’t be. It had all happened so fast. It was all just a blur. His words were still reeling around in her mind, echoing over and over.

It was killing her to do this. More than it had, back inside. This time, there was a certain feeling of finality to her actions. As if it really was over between them, and nothing—nothing—would be able to mend things now. There was such an enormous gap between them now…as if they had never really been together, and now, they never would. They were done. Over.

There was no turning back.

She hated him. She hated herself. She hated him for saying that to her, for the first time since they’d met, and she hated him for meaning it. She hated herself for leaving him, for ignoring him, for stepping back, just to avoid the inevitable. She hated him for hurting her, for forcing her to do this to both of them. This was all his bloody fault.

Each step seemed to cost her enormous strength, another tear. Each step she took made the gap between them bigger, wider, harder to cross. Each step made their wounds deeper, harder to heal. Each step made everything worse…so much worse…

Her pain weighed her down. Her guilt made her legs weak. Her hate made her head pound.

She hated him for doing this to her.

She wanted to turn around now. She wanted to run back to him, to apologize. She wanted to tell him so many things…she wanted to tell him the truth— that she was sorry for being so cruel, that she did care, that she did believe him, that she loved him back. That she wanted him with her…so much…

It hurt to keep it bottled up inside. She wanted to tell him. She needed to.

But she wouldn’t. She was tired of giving him chances, tired of seeing him do this to her all over again. He made her life a living hell; he made her suffer, he took all the happiness from her, he broke his promises and kept making more…with him, nothing ever made sense to her. With him, nothing ever lasted.

She’d had enough.

And yet…

She couldn’t help thinking she was doing the wrong thing.

Remember—second part coming tomorrow!

Disclaimer: Clearly, I don’t own it. =) Oh, and the song lyrics are from the song ‘I Hate Myself for Losing You’ by Kelly Clarkson.

A/N: Sorry for not getting this up the day I meant to! School’s started and I completely spaced. I hope you like it though. I would especially appreciate feedback on the end. And, well, general feedback as well; I hardly got anything the last time.

***

Part II: Mistakes Are Made To be Fixed

I hate myself for losing you
And oh, I don't know what to do
Not sure that I'll pull through
I wish you knew
And oh, I don't know what to say
And I don't know anyway
Anymore
No, no

***

It had been so long since they had spoken.

Three weeks, four days, and…well, he didn’t have it down to the hour, but still. It had been quite a while.

And he just hated this. It was all so complicated. He despised the fact that, no matter what he did to deny it, he’d fallen for her. He’d fallen for her harder than for any other girl he’d ever dated. She just…she wasn’t like any of them. She didn’t try to be someone she wasn’t. And she had this way of looking and speaking…it completely sent out the message that she considered him an equal. Not higher than her because he had more money, nor lower than her because he had been in Azkaban.

No, she treated him like a human being. And it was a good feeling, that one.

And then there was the fact that she turned him down. When had that ever happened to him? Not ever, that was for sure. And yet, three weeks and four days ago, she had turned him down; turned him down in a way that had literally left him at a loss for words, incredulous and beaten. He’d told her something he’d never once told anyone else. He told her that he loved her, and he’d meant it, maybe even too much for his own good.

And she’d just…turned him down.

He knew it hadn’t been easy for her. He had seen the waver in her step, the tears in her eyes as she turned, walking away…

And he had waited for her to come back, sure that she wouldn’t be able to do it. Sure that she returned his feelings for her, and just wouldn’t be able to go through with it. And he had been sure of that, not in a smug way, but in a hopeful, glad sort of way.

For that, he hated himself even more.

For that, each step that she took as she walked away hurt him more.

And he hadn’t gotten over her. Three weeks and four days had gone by, and he still wanted her, maybe even more than he had when this had started. He wanted—no, needed, to hear her voice as she uttered his name. He wanted to run his hands through her fiery hair…feel her lips on his as they kissed…he needed her company, needed her to look into his eyes and smile…

He needed her, dammit. He had been such a mess without her. Before he’d even had a chance to talk to her again, she had gone to Madam Bones and blurted out their whole story, asking for him to be assigned to someone else. Shocked and taken aback, Bones had obliged, and assigned him to some other bloke in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, far away from Ginny. And now, as he filed paperwork for illegal cross-species breeding and other rubbish, he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

He didn’t know what to do now, either. He had tried his best to catch her after work, but she always managed to avoid him or brush him off. The one time he cornered her just outside her office, she hadn’t even looked at him, pulling out her wand and muttering a quick hex. He’d been frozen just long enough for her to get away from him. He’d even tried talking to Madam Bones, but he hadn’t even started talking, when she’d said, rather snappily, ‘I paired you and Miss Weasley together, Mr. Malfoy, but found that I had been wrong in doing so. Therefore I rectified my mistake by assigning you to someone else. Whatever personal problems still exist between the two of you are no longer my concern. I am deeply sorry, but I am not the one you should be speaking to about such things. Now, if you will excuse me, unless you have a work-related matter to discuss, I suggest you leave my office.’

He hadn’t even bothered arguing. These days, that was something he did often. He wasn’t himself anymore. The smirk he’d always worn, and that smug look he’d always bore, were gone…now mere memories. You would see a quieter, slightly more menacing Malfoy. Some said it was the post-Azkaban funk getting to him. Others said he was still sullen that Voldemort had lost the War. But some, the handful that knew about his relationship with Ginny, knew that it was because of her.

He sometimes wondered if the rest of his life would be like this…

Would he ever talk to her again?

Would she even listen?

Would she understand?

It hurt to tell himself that she might not.

***

Ginny was a mess. And so was everything around her. Her world was slowly tearing itself to pieces, and she didn’t know what to do.

She had done the right thing, hadn’t she? She had been strong, and she hadn’t given into his soft words, into his revelations. She had pulled back, and avoided falling back into his stupid game again. It had happened for too long. She’d been sick and tired of it; tired of crying over him, and sick of her growing emotions for him.

So why did she feel like this? Why did she still cry herself to sleep every night? Why did she still think about him, long for his touch on her skin and his voice in her ear? Why did she still avoid looking or speaking to him? Why did she see his eyes staring back at her whenever she talked to any other bloke?

Was she just being silly?

He obviously wanted her back. He had been excruciatingly persistent, at least at first, before slowly falling into a sort of quiet yearning. He seemed to be wherever she was, gazing at her from a distance. He was always alone, brooding.

Sometimes, she let her mind wander. Sometimes, she found herself fantasizing about coming back to him, apologizing to him in a blur of tears and guilt, somehow blurting out that she did love him back, that she couldn’t take this. And sometimes, she found herself imagining that he would hold her in his strong arms as she cried, and then kiss her, saying that it was fine.

Other times, she imagined that he would leave her this time. That he would say that she’d gotten herself into this. That he would give her a taste of her own medicine, and leave her there to rot.

And she let the tears fall at that, because she knew just how much that would hurt her.

Somehow, she wanted to do that. And sometimes, she thought that it wouldn’t be wrong at all, but right. Weren’t people always talking about how you shouldn’t let true love pass you by? About how being stupid and stubborn like this could make you lose something precious, something that came along only once in life? She would let her mind fill itself with these comforting thoughts, only to find that she didn’t know how to do it. She didn’t know how she would go back to him. Would she appear in his office one day, and just say it? Would she Apparate to his home, and tell him everything? Would she corner him one day after work and say it all?

And how would she say it? How would she know if she was doing things right, if she was saying the right things?

How?

***

It was now officially five weeks since. A month. A month and one week.

Ginny wouldn’t last like this for much longer. A mixture of pride and insecurity had kept her from going back to him, but she was sick of this now. It was time that she admitted it. She’d made a mistake. She shouldn’t have left him that night. She should have believed him when he said he loved her. She should have said that she loved him.

So now, she was going to swallow up her pride, and plunge into the darkness.

Right after she finished filing these stupid papers.

Her hands were clammy, trembling. She blamed it on the cold, grumbling and pulling her robes tighter around her, trying to convince herself that she was not nervous. She was not apprehensive about this. She was not worried about what he might say. If she admitted that she was feeling nervous, the doubt she had learned to ignore would come back. It would, she knew it, because this had happened before, in a way.

A large, very colorful bird flew into her office suddenly, landing gracefully on top of the pile of papers she was filing. She stared at it for a moment, then allowed herself a chuckle, thinking it was Luna’s. That girl never got tired of being different, did she?

But, as she unfurled the letter, she found it was not Luna’s handwriting, but Hermione’s.

Well, that was odd. She hadn’t spoken to Hermione in ages.

In truth, she hadn’t quite spoken to anyone lately, but Harry and Hermione in particular had been extremely busy. The Ministry hadn’t quite gotten around to rounding up all the remaining Death Eaters, and Harry, of course, had volunteered to help. Hermione had obviously stood firm by his side.

Frowning, she read the letter.

Ginny,

I do hope you’re doing well! Harry and I are in…well, I can’t say exactly, in case the letter gets intercepted, but I’ll bet you can figure it out from the bird.

You’re probably wondering why I’m owling you…well, Luna spoke to us the other day, and she told us about…Malfoy. I suppose I felt inclined to give you some words of advice.

I can’t tell you whether or not you did the right thing, of course. Harry and Ron are convinced you did well, and they’re sure you’ll get over ‘that bint’, as they call him, but…my opinion is slightly different. I know, by the way Luna told us about everything, that you really did feel something for him; it wasn’t hormones or anything. Taking this in mind, I’ll tell you this:

If you know that he loves you, and you feel the same way, then…you’re making a mistake, I’m afraid. Things like love…they only come once in life. Think about it this way—if I had kept my feelings for Harry silent and lived on under the illusion that I fancied Ron, would I be happy now? Would I be able to say ‘I love you’ to Ron, and truly mean it?

I don’t think so.

Your case is slightly different, of course, but think of it in the long term. One day, you would heal from all of this, and be able to look at it as another moment in life. One day, you might fall in love with someone else. But will you ever love them as much as you love Malfoy? Will you ever truly get over him?

But I know what’s on your mind now. From what Luna said, I gather you don’t know whether you love him or not.

But do you? Ginny, are you happy, or at least content with your life, now that you left him?

I’ll let you answer that.

And, keep this in mind—mistakes are made to be fixed. In life, we fall so we can get up again.

I wish I could write more, but Harry’s been trying to sneak glances for a while now, and if he figures out what I’m doing, he’ll surely try to stop me from sending this.

Take care, Ginny. I really hope this helped. We’ll talk soon, okay?

Hermione

Ginny was out of her office before the piece of parchment even fell to the floor.

***

She didn’t know what she was doing. She had absolutely no idea.

But she knew what she wanted. She knew what she needed…

Hermione had helped her open her eyes finally, and she didn’t want to be blind now that she’d seen the light. It was stupid, but having someone else tell her what she had already suspected herself made her feel sure that she was doing the right thing.

The only problem was, how in the world was she going to tell him?

‘Oh, hey, Draco. Sorry I’ve been such a prat. I’ve realized I love you. Take me back?’

Maybe she should ignore the fact that they hadn’t spoken in a month? Just sort of go into his office and start saying timid words to him? Or maybe just a comment. Just a few words to let him know she was sorry…so very sorry…and did love him.

But what?

Think, she told herself, did he say or ask something the last time we talked? Something…I dunno, something I can answer now?

And, thinking, she got into the lift and pushed the button for level four, rolling her eyes impatiently as it stopped on its way up, and squeezing through the doors as they opened to reveal the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

“Excuse me,” she said to a man in burgundy robes that was heading for the lift, “Do you know where I might find Mr. Draco Malfoy?”

The man looked her up and down, raising his eyebrows, “Weasley, aren’t yeh? I’ve ‘eard some stuff ‘bout you an’ that bloke…”

“I asked, sir, if you knew where to find him?” Ginny repeated through gritted teeth, glaring at him.

The man seemed to drift off, staring at her, before clearing his throat and saying, “’Course I do…down tha’ hall, firs’ door to the left,” he said, pointing one gnarled finger in the direction.

Ginny didn’t even bother thanking him. She dashed off in the direction he had indicated, and almost crashed headfirst into the door. Stopping just short of it, she smoothed out her robes and hair, and attempted to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding, even as she stood there. What was she doing? Would this turn out to be right?

Would it be worth it?

She closed her eyes, breathing in slowly. She told herself that everything was fine…that she wasn’t going to make a fool of herself…that this was right.

And she knew it was…

But oh, how it hurt to admit that she’d been both wrong and stupid…that she’d risked everything, their happiness, their love, for mere doubts…

She extended her hand towards the doorknob, biting her lip, eyes still shut tight.

And then the door opened in her face. Her eyes flew open, but she found her vision obscured by the person that stood in the doorway. He had his back to her, and was speaking to someone inside.

“…she’s a good witch, lad…you’d do well to go with her,” said a voice. It was a woman’s…she sounded rather old.

“No, thanks, madam. I’m not quite fond of blind dates,” Ginny felt her breath catch in her chest when she heard his voice. Her pulse quickened, and she immediately felt herself sweating. Her knees felt weak, as if they might suddenly give way and let her fall to the ground. Her eyes took in his hair, which looked rather disheveled…his clothes; jet-black robes, sweater, and pants…

And again she wondered, like she had done so many times in the past…why could only he do this to her? She had never felt so captivated…so enthralled by another man. Only he had the power to make her feel this way with his mere presence.

And she felt herself already succumbing to him. She wanted to take him in her arms and hug him, just keep him there, like there was no tomorrow. He looked so worn and thin, and his skin was even paler than ever. She felt her heart sink as she saw the hint of under-eye circles just over his pale cheeks…she suddenly wanted to kiss them all away…kiss both of their troubles away…

The woman inside seemed to grumble, apparently annoyed, “But you’re such a good-looking boy…and she’s been asking me about you for ages…she’s very pretty, she is.”

“No thanks,” Malfoy said, and only Ginny caught the slight hint of menace in his voice as he smiled automatically, shaking his head, “I really have other—other things in mind.”

“Well…if you’re sure,” said the woman, rather uncertainly, “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. And be early! We have quite a bit of work to get done, you know.”

“Sure thing, madam. Good afternoon, then.”

“Yes…”

And, in that split second before Draco turned around and saw her standing there, Ginny actually believed she could do this, that she could really pull it off. This was the same Draco she’d always known, the same Draco she’d loved before…he couldn’t have forgotten everything they shared.

If this was worth it—if he really meant what he’d said a month ago—he’d still love her. And he’d still remember…he would…

“G-Ginny?”

It never failed. His voice, uttering her name, sent those chills down her spine…she truly felt, for a moment, as if she was going to fall into his arms. She closed her eyes for a split second, wanting to give in…to end this misery now…

“What are you doing here?” he hissed, and she was taken aback by the tone he used. It was harsh, reprimanding, as if he was actually telling her off, “Damn…come on…”

He took her hand. Ginny let out a soft gasp that only she heard.

He led her into something along the lines of a broom closet, only slightly bigger. They both ft comfortably inside, and were able to sit down, if they wanted to.

“What are you doing here, Weas—Ginny?”

Ginny looked up into his eyes. She’d always had the impression that she could lose herself in them, and now was no different. They looked deep as ever, piercing…she felt as if he were looking straight through her and had a clear view of her overflowing emotions. With him, it was different. He always managed to hide his emotions so well…right now, all she managed to make out was the vague incredulity and softness that had stirred behind the mask he always used.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Draco…”

She didn’t know what made her say it. ‘I’m sorry’. When she was little, she always thought it could fix anything; her mistakes, other’s mistakes…but right now, she knew fully well that it was just another promise…an empty promise. It didn’t do anything. It didn’t make her feel any better, did it?

It certainly didn’t make him feel any better. His eyes seemed to narrow more than ever, all trace of softness gone and replaced with a look of such anger, it felt like she was being torn to pieces under his heated gaze.

“That’s all you can say? That you’re sorry?” he sneered. It hurt to hear his voice like that, so taunting, “After all this…all you can say is that you’re sorry?”

“No!” Ginny said, feeling the tears coming. Fighting to hold them back, she forced herself to keep her eyes trained on his, “That’s not all. I just…I don’t know where to start…I know I m-made a mistake. I shouldn’t have left you that night.”

He was silent, his glare now softer. She took that as a sign to continue.

“But you have to understand—and I know you will—I was so confused, Draco…” Ginny said softly, sighing, “You’d already left me more than once—how was I to know you wouldn’t do it again? I didn’t know what to believe…”

“You should have believed me,” Draco said quietly, his tone bitter.

“I know I should have…I know that now. But back then, I did what I thought was the r-right thing. But I, like you, underestimated what I felt. I thought I could get over y-you…but…I couldn’t.”

“Do you think you love me, Ginny? Is that it?” he said, his tone disdainful and cruel. He pronounced the word ‘love’ with utmost distaste, almost spitting it out.

The words seemed vaguely familiar…and then she remembered; she’d said the same thing to him when he had confessed that he’d fallen in love with her.

Oh God…had she really been that cruel? The words were so painful…it was hard enough to speak coherently to him when being looked at so fiercely. She felt so horrible, knowing he’d probably felt like this—or worse—that night. And then, when she’d left him…

How could she had been so terrible? When all she’d been trying to do was make the right choice, she had made the biggest mistake of all. And here she was, trying, possibly in vain, to fix it.

“Yes,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper now, “I love you. I know I do. I should have said this that night…there are so many things I should have done, Draco…so many things I wish I’d said earlier. I hate that I did this to us. I messed up so badly and…this can’t be fixed…”

Tears started to fall down her cheeks. She felt so alone…so hollow inside. Everything was tumbling down over her, and she couldn’t do anything. She’d ruined it…ruined It all.

But then his fingers came in contact with her chin, tilting it upwards. Through her tears, she managed to make out his blurred outline as he spoke. He looked regretful, “It can,” he said, “and it will be fixed. I’m not going to let you go now, Weasley. I wish I could act like I was considering this, like it was really such a hard decision, but the fact of the matter is, I can’t, because it isn’t.

“I could say I was angry, ‘cause I was. I was so angry that you’d done that to me. You have no idea how it feels to be left alone after you’ve just told someone that you love them. I was more honest with you then than I’ve ever been in my life.

But that anger didn’t last long. Mostly, I was…hurt,” he said the word in a choked whisper, as if even admitting this was hard for him, “I needed you with me…I still do. I really do love you, Gin…more than anything else in the world.”

Ginny sobbed, locking his arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. They stayed like that for a few moments, feeling their emotions pouring out as they held each other, before pulling apart. Ginny wiped at her tears impatiently, wanting to stop crying now. She looked into his eyes, which were still guarded as ever, but was able to make out that tiny hint of softness. She felt special, knowing she was probably the only one that could do that. No one else knew him like she did, and vice-versa.

And despite their rocky past…their childish behavior towards each other and their almost completely opposite personalities, they loved each other. They were able to put aside their differences for each other, and that made their relationship special.

They brought meaning to each other’s lives…

And that was why, when Draco returned the shy smile Ginny gave him with a half-smirk, half-grin, she felt happier than she’d ever felt in her life…she felt at peace, knowing that she’d finally made the right choice…

Him.

-- FIN --