Shades of Gray

kumydabookworm

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 10/08/2005
Last Updated: 24/12/2005
Status: completed

Draco betrayed their love and broke a promise he swore he'd keep. Pure and simple. But is the world always black and white? Or does she still love him enough to set him free? One Shot

Chapters

1. Together - Prequel

2. Shades of Gray

1. Together - Prequel

Title: Together (Story Text)
Author Name: kumydabookworm
Owl the author: here.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, HBP. Written after Half-Blood Prince.
Genre: Romance, Angst
Era: Other
Main Character(s): D, G
Ship(s): None
Summary: She had thought she could do anything for their love. But she couldn't forget the lie they lived. Now she has moved on, but still he has come back to haunt her. Will she go back to the man who left her broken? One Shot Prequel to Shades of Gray
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Notes:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had thought she could do anything for their love. But she couldn't forget...she couldn't pretend she hadn't seen the thing she had. The look of horror on his face as he hurriedly pushed the Death Eater mask under a cloak was imprinted upon her mind like it was yesterday...it had been a fateful year since that day.

Every time she saw another death listed in the Prophet, she wondered if it was him. Every time she heard distant screams, she wondered whether he was out there, inflicting them. Every time she saw a masked face in the midst of battle, she hesitated...what if it was him? She didn't kill in battle any longer, preferring to take prisoners only. She pushed away the reasons her mind brought up.

She had thought she could do anything for their love but break her loyalty to the Light. But she couldn't forget the Darkness that was threatening to overpower him.

She could already see it. The good in him was being scoured away by the Darkness he lived with...leaving only cold and hard edges behind. He was becoming ice...unfeeling and unbreakable. He was steeling himself to do things that the man she fell in love with could never do.

She remembered all the tears she wiped away in empty corridors...even boy's bathrooms, a few times. She remembered how Harry had nearly caught them together in her fifth year...how Draco had looked to her with worried eyes before being hit with Dark magic. How she had caught him as Harry ran to get help, and held him for an instant before running back to her dormitory. How she had pushed him away for a brief time because she thought it wouldn't work out between them.

How she had listened to Harry tell the tale, smiling inside when she heard Draco couldn't kill Dumbledore. Then after Harry left, she had gone back to him...because she had thought there was hope. Because she couldn't stay away. He hadn't been a Death Eater then...but now...

She wanted these doubts to disappear, drowned by her love for him. But every night when she closed her eyes in the dark, she felt it. She was living a lie. And she knew, that someday, together wouldn't feel right to her. And then, she would break his heart and hers. She would walk away.

She tried to forget that too. Forget the inevitability of their division. But the wall that they had built up between them reminded her. The fact that she felt better while alone reminded her. And every night, when he disappeared and she was left alone in the dark, wondering, she reminded herself.

Draco walked up to her, wrapping his arms around her waist and tucking his chin onto her shoulder. She smiled, her eyes lighting up...but he could see a shadow in her eyes, that hadn't been there before. Before she found out.

Draco sighed. He guessed that he was lucky she had stayed this long. He had thought that she would have left the day she knew. But she had merely nodded and wrapped her arms tight about him. He had long since lost all hope that he could change...now his only hope was that she would be able to forgive him.

He had doubts now, though. Every day, the distance between them grew greater. She wouldn't tell him about her days, he wouldn't tell her about his nights. Neither of them trusted each other anymore. Neither of them were comfortable with each other.

Because when love and war conflicted, war always took precedence. Because when it came down to it, they were enemies. Two people on different sides of a war that would decide both their lives...and love...well, love could definitely win against certain odds.

But when it came to life and death...because whoever lost this war would die...love was trivial.

He could still hope...one of the greatest curses of being human...of loving. He did hope. But deep inside, a nagging feeling said that their paths would divide soon.

Together was starting to feel wrong. When it didn't feel right anymore, the final blow would fall. God, he wished they could be together forever. But...well, time would tell.

And he still hoped.

When he returned in the morning one day, she was ready. Ready to break the lie that had been destroying them both.

"Draco, I can't live like this anymore," she blurted out as soon as she saw him.

His eyes changed to cold steel...he had hoped...

She ignored the pain in his eyes and continued. "We are living a lie. We can't trust each other anymore. We can't talk...there's nothing left to stay for."

He looked at her from his position in the doorway. "Damn it, Ginny, I love you. That's enough to fight for."

She smiled bitterly, tears running down her face. "Not when we are enemies in a War that will decide our fate. Not now."

He said quietly, "All's fair in love and war...are you scared of that? Scared that I will use you to get deeper inside the Order."

"NO! But, Merlin, Draco, I already know so many things about your infiltration that I haven't even tried to find out...that I have been hiding from the Order to protect you! And we can't let that happen anymore. If your side wins, I will die...and if my side wins -"

"I'll be good as dead." Draco snarled, finishing the sentence.

Tears streamed down Ginny's face. "You see?"

Silently, Draco stepped out of the doorway, leaving her path clear. Slowly, painfully, she forced herself out of that room, away from the one man who had ever known her, all of her.

She turned in the doorway. "Draco, if you were to change sides?"

He asked gently, "Would I ask you to do that?" She shook her head. "Then don't ask me, Ginny....you know I can't."

She sobbed deep in her throat. He longed to comfort her. But the bridge that had crossed the divide of sides had been broken. She was his no longer.

She walked out the door, breaking into a run. Scared that if she would stop she would go back. Because he loved her. But this was war.

It had been ten years since that war. Ten years since Harry Potter defeated Voldemort and became the youngest Headmaster ever to reign at Hogwarts. Ten years since Ginevra Weasley fell in love for the second time...not as truly, nor as purely...but still, love.

The shadow of what she had with Draco kept her awake at nights. She had no idea what had happened to him.

One day, the headlines blared, "Malfoy Caught At Last!" Ginny blanched in surprise and horror.

Harry wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, and for an instant she swore she felt Draco's breath hot in her ear. "Angel." She whispered slowly, in a trance of memories long ago.

Harry asked her quietly, "What's that, sweetheart?" She shook her head at him quickly.

He smiled. "Well it's finally safe...Malfoy was one of the last Death Eaters on the Dark Side that merited catching."

She turned into his arms and buried her face in his chest. She was with Harry...for ten years, now. Nothing could change that...Merlin, they were getting married! It had taken her ten years to decide whether she could live with less than the love she had with Draco. When she had finally said yes...a bit of her heart shattered...but now...now this was her destiny, her reality. She was going to marry Harry Potter.

Her voice, muffled, came out, "I am so glad you didn't become an Auror. What if you -" she changed what she was going to say, "were hurt?"

Harry stroked her hair softly. But she bit back the words she had wanted to say. What if Harry had hurt Draco?

It was then she knew that she had to see him. Had to see what the War had made him. Had to see everything about him. Just one last time, before...well, her life went on. She had been living in the past for so long...maybe a reminder of it would push her into the present. Push her into thinking about her future.

She pulled away from Harry. "I have work to do, Harry. Okay?" Harry sighed and nodded. She giggled...she knew what he was thinking.

She walked out the door, not heading to her workplace in the Department of Mysteries (researching love) but to Azkaban...and Draco Malfoy.

She pushed away the lingering feeling that that was where she belonged. Pushed away a hunch that she may never come back here again. And walked off to face the last fear in her life. The fear of a man who had broken her heart a thousand times over...the man that had ruined her for love from any other.

She couldn't keep away. It was like she was a moth and he the flame. But go back she would. Hopefully she would be able to leave him. But she had to find out the truth. What she really felt...was Draco Malfoy the man for her? Was the real lie this engagement to Harry Potter? Or had she just been naive?

So she broke her promise to herself that she would never go back. She walked away from a loving, noble man to see a flawed one. Hopefully she would remember that when she saw him. Hopefully she would be able to go back...back to her fiancee.

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2. Shades of Gray

Title: Shades of Gray (Story Text)
Author Name: kumydabookworm
Owl the author: here.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: PS/SS, CoS, PoA, GoF, OotP, HBP. Written after Half-Blood Prince.
Genre: Romance, Angst
Era: Other
Main Character(s): D, G
Ship(s): None
Summary: Draco betrayed their love and broke a promise he swore he'd keep. Pure and simple. But is the world always black and white? Or does she still love him enough to set him free? One Shot
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: A/N - Dementors were brought under control after the destruction of Voldemort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ginevra Weasley took a deep breath and stepped into the Azkaban cell of her old love...her betrayer.

He looked at her for a long time. She looked well. The eyes were fiery as he remembered, the hair just as scarlet. She was dressed in black...he supposed it was in mourning for the countless dead. Black suited her.

He pushed away memories of their love, their passion, that suddenly flooded him as the dementors left the room. She wasn't his any longer. He had no right anymore. It was his own fault.

She watched him carefully. His eyes burned silver and she knew he was hurting. She wanted to go and comfort him. Silently she recited the names of the dead to enforce the fact that he had betrayed her...betrayed their love.

She said bluntly, "You promised me that you would fight for the Light."

"I promised many people many things." It wasn't really an answer and he knew it. But it was all he had left to give. He had already given her his heart, given her his life. He died a long time ago inside. For her. Because she needed to be safe...away from him. Watched her go to the man who didn't deserve her. Watched her forget him...or maybe not. After all, she was here.

Ginny laughed. "God, Draco, I loved you. I believed you. Did I ever mean a thing to you? Or was it all a façade just to use me?"

He looked away, his eyes gray slate with hurt. "You meant everything to me. Everything."

Ginny smiled bitterly. "I'm not as innocent as I used to be, Draco. I don't take romantic bull from people like you anymore."

Draco smiled. "You think it's bull because you always do what is right, because it keeps things simple. It wasn't right for me to love you...we didn't belong together. What I did wasn't right...but I did what I did because I loved you. And you betrayed me. You did what was right...as always. I should have never hoped."

She glared back in anger. "Do you blame me? You followed the Dark Lord!"

He winced. "You wouldn't understand. I never expected you to. That was why I was so surprised why you came to visit. You have nothing to explain to me. You did what was right and that's all there is to it. Hell, I'm surprised you remembered me."

She looked at him angrily. "One doesn't forget the love of her life that easily."

He spat, "Really? That's why you're marrying Potter. To forget me? To do what is right? Why, Ginny? Why did you come here? To torture me a bit more?"

He looked at her with something like anger in platinum eyes. "Do you know what it's been like for me? I can't remember you...anything from our love at Hogwarts. I can only remember you looking at me with horror in your eyes. I can remember you betraying me to the Aurors when I came to you hiding from them."

She winced, and pleaded with him, not knowing why...because he was clearly wrong this time. She explained, "Draco, the Light was the most important thing for me. You betrayed it."

Draco replied, "Yes, to you it was. But you expected me to place you in front of the Dark...while I was second to the Light for you."

"Because -" Ginny snapped.

Draco finished, "It was right. Yes. It's always because of what's right...God, Ginny, there is no clear right and wrong sometimes! Sometimes you have to make a choice between two evils! Everything isn't black and white in this world!

Looking at his eyes, Ginny sighed. They were stormy gray now.

"No, it is all shades of gray," she said dreamily. Draco looked at her in shock. She recoiled in horror. What had she said?

He smiled smugly. "You may try to forget me, Ginevra Weasley, but you never will. You love me as much as I love you...even if you never admit it. And Ginny, to be frank, Potter may be everything you dreamed of...but he isn't everything you need. I'm what you need, passion, flaws and all. Because you're not perfect either...like Potter...you have flaws like me. We fit together. We always will."

She looked at him in shock. And knew he was right.

"Now I have one favor to ask you," he said, interrupting her thoughts.

She nodded blankly. He smiled.

"Kill me."

She recoiled. "Kill you?"

"Yes. I don't want to watch you marry another man...or have children...or live happily. I don't want to live with the choices I made."

"That's a coward's way out," murmured Ginny.

Draco shrugged. "I never claimed to be anything better."

"I always thought you could be."

Draco said quietly, "Ginny, I made my choice and lived with it for five years even as I knew that while you'd be safe, you'd never be mine again. I've lived with the memories of what I threw away for another seven years in this prison. I don't want to see the love of my life spend her life forgetting me, while all I can do is remember her. Is that a lot to ask?"

Tears ran down her face. "I can't, Draco."

He smiled at her sadly. "You already have...when you betrayed me, a piece of me died. Because I knew then, there was no hope for redemption. There was no chance you'd forgive me. I knew that our love...well, we'd always love each other, but you'd never let it happen. I'm already dead inside, Ginevra Weasley. I don't have you. It's not really killing me...it's setting me free."

Her hand shook as she raised her wand. No matter how much she hated him for betraying her...for being the man he was, she still loved him. Loved him enough to let him go...spare him the misery of watching her move on. If she could move on.

Her hand dropped. "You know you deserve to live this life." His eyes turned silver again, and he turned away. "That would be right...but you were right too. There is no black and white, right and wrong. You loved me...maybe you still do. And I love you...maybe enough to let you go...set you free. No matter how much I hate you, maybe I still love you enough for that much."

She looked at him for a long time, and he merely watched her. Calmly.

Her wand raised, and she spoke, "Avada Kedavra."

She walked up to his fallen body. Slowly, she whispered, "I love you, Draco Malfoy."

She found the amulet she knew would be around his neck: a gray stone that constantly changed shades like his eyes...she bought it for him on their first year anniversary of their romance at Hogwarts. She slipped it into the palm of her hand.

Ministry of Magic officials came up to her and took her wand from her. Led her to a cell and gave her a number: A11970. Harry forgot about the fiery redhead and moved on to marry Hermione Granger.

Epilogue

Termination Report: A11970

Prisoner refused to eat and drink.

When asked why she was ending her own life systematically she merely smiled and said, "All I want is for someone to set me free. Can you do that?"

The questioner obviously refused and told her she was dangerous to society because she had killed someone else.

A11970 merely sighed and said, "It's all in shades of gray. I will see you soon, Draco."

Draco was not the questioner's name so we assume she was hallucinating and delusional from lack of nutrition.

Despite the best efforts from all Azkaban staff and removal of dementors from her presence, A11970 died of severe malnutrition.

She was buried with the only personal belonging she had: an amulet of varying shades of gray.

Signed,

Dolores Umbridge, Primary Caretaker

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