Don't Miss You At All

radcliffeluvslave

Rating: NC17
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Draco & Ginny
Book: Draco & Ginny, Books 1 - 5
Published: 14/08/2005
Last Updated: 22/08/2005
Status: completed

As she watches the snow falling down, she doesn't miss him at all.

Chapters

1. Prologue

2. Your Smile

3. Distant Memory

1. Prologue

Don't Miss You at All

Subject: Harry Potter

Genre: Romance/Angst/Drama

Pairing: GW/DM

Summary: As she watches the snow falling down, she doesn't miss him at all.

Rating: NC17 - Adult situations, language

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Chapter one - Prologue

"You know that I don't have a choice, Gin," he said as he threw things into his luggage bags.

"Yes you do," I responded, wrapping my arms around his middle from behind him. "You can tell them that you resign."

"I can't do that, Ginny. You know that," he said, turning in my embrace to face me.

"But...what if you get killed?" I asked, tears threatening to escape my eyes. I choked them back. Hurt and disappointment replaced the tears.

"Don't look at me like that, love," Harry said, hugging me close to him.

"Like what? Like I want you to stay here with me instead of going on some dodgy wizard chase that could get you bloody killed?!" My voice was escalading now with every word I said.

"Ginny," Harry said, gently rubbing my back and trying to calm me, "the Order needs me. If I don't go, who will?"

"I don't bloody care! I don't care about the Order, I don't care about Voldemort, and I don't care what twit has to go in your place! They said that they wouldn't call you up any more and they lied."

"They didn't lie, Ginny," Harry pleaded. "They had no idea what was going to happen after Voldemort disappeared. I told them that I was retiring from the Order, but I didn't say permanently."

"You still shouldn't have to go," I argued, pulling away from him and stalking across the room to sit on the bed.

"Ginny," Harry pleaded, walking to me, "please don't act like this. It isn't any easier on me than it is on you. Do you think I want to leave? Well, I don't; and you should know that." He paused as he sat next to me on the bed and took my hands in his. "I love you, Gin. I'll make sure that I get back as soon as I can and we'll have that fairy tale wedding, just like you wanted," he said, kissing the back of one of my hands.

I gazed into his deep green eyes and almost fainted. He could make me cower with just one look. He knew that he had some mysterious power over me, and he used it to his advantage sometimes.

"I don't want to have to wait," I said sadly.

"I know, love," he said, kissing my cheek lingeringly. "But there's nothing I can do about it."

I sighed. "I know. I just don't want you to have to go."

"I don't want to go either, Ginny; but I made a commitment and I plan on following through with it," Harry said, holding my hands tightly in his, almost as if he were afraid of letting me go.

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, you'd better go then before I change my mind about actually letting you go."

Harry chuckled. "I'll come back as soon as I can, Gin. I promise," he said, standing and pulling me up along side of him.

I nodded as he pulled me tightly to him in a heartfelt embrace. He kissed my hairline and said, "I love you, Ginny."

I sniffed and nuzzled my face deeper into his neck. "I know," I replied. "I love you, too."

We were silent for a moment, and then Harry slowly pulled away from me and stared into my tear-ridden eyes. He leaned in slowly and kissed my lips sweetly, as if savoring my taste. I urged him on, putting my hand behind his neck and pulling him closer to me, easing my tongue into the depths of his mouth. His arms were soon around my waist and mine around his neck holding him as close to me as possible. I didn't want to let go, but I knew I had to. The kiss deepened as the realization that this could be our last kiss for months, possibly years, hit me. His tongue found its way across the roof of my mouth and I moaned quietly, wishing that this could go on forever. He pulled away slowly, placing a few final kisses along my cheek, jaw line and neck. I could tell that he was dreading leaving more than I was.

"You'd better come back, Harry Potter," I said, placing a hand on his cheek and letting it travel down to his chest where it rested to feel his heartbeat. "Go and save the world, but you'd better come back to me."

He smirked. "Don't worry," he said. "Nothing could keep me away."

I smiled back at him as he pulled away from me and charmed the rest of his luggage neatly into his suitcase and it closed with a snap and a zip. Harry turned back to me and pulled me into a final embrace. "I love you so much," he whispered as he kissed me lovingly on the cheek and backed away so that he wasn't tempted any further to just stay with me.

"I love you," I said as he took hold of his suitcase and retrieved his wand from the bedside table.

I saw him blow me a final and longing kiss just before I heard the popping sound of his apparation. "I love you," I said again, throwing myself heavily onto the bed and clutching a pillow tightly to my chest. I wept freely now; holding nothing back now that there was no one to see my weakness. No one that could be witness to the fact that I was weak, that he made me weak and that I couldn't live without him. Or at least, that's what I thought. But as I laid there, my tears staining the rich fabric of the sheets and my sobs audible to the neighboring flat, I didn't want to think that I could make it alone.

I wanted to believe that I needed him and that I needed him to help me be who I was. I wanted to be able to hold on, to believe that I wasn't worth as much alone as I was with him. And as the second year of his absence dawns and the tears begin to become meaningless and tiresome, I find that I wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who needs me.

2. Your Smile

Chapter two - Your Smile

Has it been two years now? Have I really gone that long without him? I surprised myself by even being alive the day after he left; but now that all this time has passed, and I find that every morning I wake, I almost look forward to getting up and knowing that I am the one who inspired me to live today. I am the one who got up out of bed and took that first breath of the new day. Why shouldn't I? Is it wrong for me to want to be a little independent? Am I not allowed to feel almost relieved to find that I may not need him as badly as I thought?

I look down at the ring on my finger and reminisce on the progress that I have made. There have actually been days when I have forgotten to put it on. It was almost like letting go of a grip that I was holding on myself. The gold of the ring reflects in the morning light streaming through the window. I look out of the window and am not surprised to see snow falling.

As I sit and watch the snow

Fallin' down

I don't miss you at all

I can't believe it, but it's true. I don't miss Harry, at least not anymore. It must have been a good six months since I really felt like I needed him to come back. It must have been at least a year since I cried over his departure. I have to admit that I found something better. I hear bare footsteps coming down the hall and I smile knowingly as the doorknob turns and I hear the gentle creak of the door opening. I look to the side as I draw the covers up over my top half, as if I'm still nervous around him after all these months. His lean, muscular body travels across the room and stops at the edge of the bed. I look up into his steely gray eyes and his intense gaze focuses on me. I smile nervously and turn my face down and let my fiery hair fall in my face. I feel the bed ease down under his added weight. I find the courage to look up at him and I find a smile in the same place that used to hold that evil, hateful, mischievous smirk that I used to hate and despise.

He touches a hand gently to my cheek and I lean into his touch, feeling the warmth of his hand against my cool skin. I shiver slightly as my skin quickly warms. He chuckles and tilts my face up to his. "I love you," he says for the tenth time since last night. Every time he says it I can only wince and return it with a smile. He knows that it's hard for me, and he accepts it, but he refuses to hide his true feelings. I want to say it, but something is holding me back. Is it the ring? Is it my promise? Is it Harry? I can't even tell any more. It's too much to deal with anymore. Right now, I just want to feel.

He starts to say something but I silence him with a finger over his lips. "Make love to me, Draco," I whisper seductively, running a hand slowly through his silky hair. The smirk appears as he closes the space between us quickly, capturing my lips with his. It starts slowly, tenderly, but I can tell that he needs release just as badly as I do. We have never really gone slowly. Foreplay has seemed a meaningless waste of time, but now, as his lips travel down my jaw line and to my neck where he begins to bite and tease, I can't help but miss the tantalizing feeling before sex that Harry had so often made me feel.

I hear children playing, laughing so loud

I don't think of your smile

Wait, did I just think about Harry while Draco is ravishing me? There's not even any feeling when I think about Harry. Maybe guilt, maybe regret, but not loneliness like I felt before. No longer is there a yearning and a need like I feel so strongly when I am with Draco. I let my thoughts pass as Draco pushes me down onto my back and pulls the covers away and tosses them to the side, smiling evilly down at me. I shiver as the cold air touches my uncovered skin. Draco covers my body with his and I am almost immediately warmed by his presence. I am mesmerized by the hunger in his eyes. How he seems to be yearning for me. And not just my body, but also my love. The feeling that there is someone in the world who needs him. The feeling that I have searched for my entire life and finally found in a place I would have never expected.

He kisses me once on the lips before trailing his lips down to my neck, gently biting, nipping and licking while I writhe beneath him. My thoughts grow hazy as his soft lips continue to my breast and kiss in lazy circles around my left nipple. I moan inaudibly as I feel my nipples harden under his kisses. As his mouth possesses me everywhere, he sends me into a mindless wonder while I lose all resistance. He sails me high and writhing until heat explodes like a skyrocket inside of me, sending sparks sizzling from the core of my stomach to the tips of my toes and fingers in a gigantic burning burst of sensation. His head returns from the unknown depths of my body and he smiles wickedly as I stare at him with a lust so powerful I could have burned a hole through the wall. My eyes close as his lips find the sensitive patch of skin beneath my left earlobe and he begins to suck and tease me with his skillful lips and teeth.

His tongue darts in and out of his mouth, touching my skin delicately, making me squirm with anticipation. He draws away from my neck and I open my eyes to the sight of him gazing in undisguised need back at me. I see in his eyes the equal need and want for fulfillment that I have been lavishing in under his touch. My arms find their way around his neck and pull his mouth to mine. I hungrily devour his mouth and feel his hand snake down between us and delicately touch me, easing my ready entrance open. I wriggled against his hand and feel him erect and hard against my thigh. I moan into his mouth as I feel him at my entrance. He quickly enters me and I dig my nails into his back at the tight fit. I accommodate to him and my eyes shut in ecstasy as he begins to move inside of me. He moves slowly at first, and then quickens his pace as I voice my needs.

I surge forward and met him thrust for thrust, bringing my legs to wrap around his waist. Sweat begins to bead on his forehead as he closes his eyes in concentration. I feel a droplet of sweat as it falls onto my chest and runs down to the area where we are joined. His pace increases and I know he is getting close; his arms encircling around my back and bringing me flush against him as he continues to pound into me. I begin to feel a tightening at the base of my spine and know that I am close as well. I increase my own pace and we seem to race each other to see who can reach that desired sense of completion first. We ride through our waves of pleasure as we both come at the same time, my eyes shutting tightly and my arms tightening around his neck as sparks shoot off behind my eyelids and I finish my ride of ecstasy.

I collapse onto the pillows, my arms falling to either side as I feel Draco leave me, coldness rushing to my most sensitive areas. He rolls onto his back beside me and I reflexively curl up at his side, his arms coming up and encircling me. I sigh contently and let my eyes close as sleep overtakes me quickly, dreams of the future and me and Draco's life together overtaking my thoughts.

3. Distant Memory

Chapter Three: Distant Memory

I feel the first rays of the afternoon sun hit my face through the open window in front of the bed and immediately sit up straight, feeling no one next to me. The bed is empty and I am now in a white tank top and navy pajama bottoms. A cleaning charm has been performed on the room and the spot next to me on the bed is cold. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling sickeningly lonely. I look around the room and find a note scrawled and sitting on the table beside me. I jump up and grab it, reading it quickly.

Gin,

An owl came for you last night from Harry. He's coming home tonight. I'm sorry I had to leave you, but you can understand my concerns. The note from him is on the kitchen table along with something I left for you. I hope that you will handle the situation in a sensible way. I love you. I hope you know that.

Draco

I rush downstairs to the kitchen and take the note from the kitchen table. It was from Harry, as Draco had said. It informed me that he was heading home, finally, and would arrive some time later that evening. I sink down into a nearby chair and let the letter fall at my feet. I see a black box sitting on the table next to where the note had been. I pick it up and look at it, obviously from Draco. I take the lid off slowly and gasp at what I see. A delicate silver chain sits amongst black silk padding and a small yet gorgeous diamond hangs off of the end. I reach in and gently draw it out of the box, clasping it behind my neck. I get up and walk to the hallway, admiring my new gift in the corridor mirror.

It is beautiful, but I can't help think of Harry. He had been so loving, so caring. But he had been distant. The owls had gotten fewer and fewer as the months and years went on. After I started my affair with Draco I had noticed how much less I cared. The owls had stopped coming completely about four moths ago. I had barely noticed. Now, as his hour of arrival dons nearer, I can't help but feel anxious about how I will approach the topic of my newfound romance.

So if you never come to me

You'll stay a distant memory

As if it were to be fate, I hear a key turn in the front door that is to my left. It opens quickly and the cold winter air blows in. A tall, hooded figure stomps in and shuts the door quickly behind him. He draws his hood back suddenly, shaking snow everywhere. I recognize the unruly raven hair and sharp emerald eyes. Harry's cheeks are rosy from the cold and his breathing is labored. He immediately encircles me in a large hug and I return it fully, realizing how long he has been gone. It has been a long time since we have last embraced. His breath is cold on my neck as he kisses me on the cheek. I draw away slowly and look into his eyes and he leans in to kiss me on the lips. He pecks me gently and I draw away quickly, as if it were a reflex. I clear my throat.

"We need to talk," I say, looking at him directly.

His smile quickly turns into a frown and he takes his hands off of my waist. "Shit," he says, his gaze turning away from me. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out before I got back," he says, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Ginny. I don't know how it happened."

"Wait," I say, shaking my head. "What happened?" I ask.

"I thought you knew," he says, bewilderment evident on his face. His face sinks as he opens his mouth to speak again. "I've been having an affair," he whispers, looking down at the floor.

I look at him for a moment, mouth hanging open. "With who?" I ask quietly, no emotion showing in my tone.

"Hermione," he answers truthfully.

"For how long?" I ask, a little louder this time.

"A little more than a year," he answers again, now sounding ashamed of himself. "If you hate me I don't blame you."

I look at him for a moment, unsure of myself. Then I do something I haven't done in a long time: I laugh. I laugh so hard that he looks about at the breaking point. He rubs at his temples and looks quizzically at me. "You're not mad?" he asks, bewildered. I shake my head, doubled over in laughter. "Why not?" he asks.

I cough a little and look at him through shimmering tears. "I've been having an affair, too," I say, beginning to laugh again.

"With who?" he asks, utter surprise etched on his face.

"Draco Malfoy," I sputter, standing up and leaning against the wall behind me for support. I put a hand to my chest and breathe deeply, calming myself. "I'm sorry," I say.

"No, no," he says, shaking his head. "I guess there's nothing to be sorry for," he says, smiling.

"Here," I say, squirming a little with my left ring finger and then holding out my engagement ring to him. "Take it back to the jeweler and get a different one for Hermione."

He takes it, dumbfounded. "Thanks." He looks at me, as if he doesn't have anything else to say. He gives me another immense hug and then turns to the door. "Wait," he says, turning back to me, "how are we going to handle the living situation?"

"I'm sure we'll figure it out," I say, kissing him on the cheek lightly. "Now go get her," I say, almost pushing him out the door. He smiles and winks as the door shuts lightly behind him.

I chuckle as I run up the stairs to my room, throwing on jeans and a navy hooded sweatshirt. I find my pair of brown leather riding boots and pull them on. I throw my cloak on and apparate quickly, knowing that the growing darkness outside might mean that he is already home from work. I ache to tell him the good news.

Out my window I see lights going dark

Your dark eyes don't haunt me

And then I wonder who I am

Without the warm touch of your hand

I run to him tonight, laughter echoing around me, my heart light with joy and reassurance. As soon as I apparate in front of the gates of Malfoy Manor I am over the moon with excitement. I throw them open and rush inside, running up the winding drive and reaching the heavy oak front door smiling and out of breath. I knock quickly and a house elf soon opens the door to allow me in and out of the cold. She takes my cloak and I take a moment to warm myself by the fire in the parlor. I inquire to his whereabouts and I am directed to his study on the third floor. I reach the door and thank the house elf, watching as she disappears quickly. I open the door slowly and enter without knocking. He looks up from his work, his square black horn rimmed glasses framing his handsome face perfectly. He takes them off quickly and stands from his desk as I come to meet him halfway.

"Ginny," he breaths as he encircles me in a warm embrace.

I smile into his chest. "Draco?" I ask.

"What, love?" he asks, rubbing my back gently.

"I love you," I say quietly, holding tighter to his waist.

He pulls me away from his chest and crushes his lips to mine, thankful that he has won the battle for my heart. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his back as he carries me down the corridor and to his private chambers. I know that our relationship will have its problems, as all do, but I am ready to face them with him. I know that Harry is not the one for me, and now that I have Draco I know what true love is. I know what it really feels like to miss someone with every part of your being. I know that I love him and that I always will.

And then I wonder who I am

Without the warm touch of your hand

As I sit and watch the snow falling down

I don't miss you at all

He saved me from myself and for that the only thing that I can feel for him is compassion and thankfulness. I know that a part of me was missing without him and that I could not have survived if he had not come to fill that lonely space in my heart. He is the one for me, and I can finally say that I love him. I know that he was the only one that I want to spend the rest of my life with, the only one I want to come home to at night, and the only one that I want to have a family with. He is the only one that I want to love for the rest of my life. It feels good. It feels like home. It feels perfect to be right where I belong.

I don't miss you at all

I don't miss you at all

Don’t Miss You At All – Norah Jones

-Thanks for the inspiration, Norah.