Because of You

AnndeeGranger

Rating: PG
Genres: Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 22/08/2005
Last Updated: 22/08/2005
Status: completed

Harry has to deal with death, yet again. Song fic and Character Death.

Chapters

1. Because of You

1. Because of You

“Because of You”

By: AnndeeGranger

Summary: Song fic to the lyrics of Kelly Clarkson’s “Because of You”

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling, and do not own Harry Potter in any way (besides, I would prefer to own the deed to Won-Won), no infringement is intended.

~~~~~~~

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,

A boy – no – a man, sat in a cold dank hall. He was alone with his thoughts. There was no one for miles, at least as far as he knew. The man’s thoughts kept coming in a bararge of images, feelings, and stabs of emotional pain.

He ran a hand through his wildly untamable black hair, and removed his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose, just beneath and between the greenest eyes one would ever see.

He thought about the man – no – the shell of a man who had changed his life, who had been the whole focus of his life for so long. The evil man that had declared war on a world, making it his goal to purge the Wizarding World of what he considered filth, selectively forgetting that he was actually one of the filth he wanted to erase from the world, he was what you would call a paranoid egomaniac.

Harry, the man sitting alone in the abandoned hall, knew very well that one misstep on his journey would have taken him down the same path as the man who he had fought against for 7 years of his life, into darkness. He could have shut off the love, the compassion, and the urge to help others easily, he could have allowed himself to break, but he didn’t. Something had always kept him on the right path, the one that led to his eventual victory, hollow though it now seemed.

You fell so hard

There was something, something in the way Tom Marvolo Riddle looked as he realized that he had lost. Something that almost made Harry feel sorry for him as he watched his nemesis fall from the Astronomy Tower to the hard earth below, and the final Horcrux was finally gone - almost, but not quite.

I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

After years of fighting, of learning of Voldemort and the boy he once had been – an orphan, like Harry himself – Harry had learned what not to do. He had learned, through the deaths of his parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, and now Mrs. Weasley, fighting Death Eaters, Dementors, and even the Ministry of Magic, that there was a point when you needed to stop and not let the darkness eat you up inside.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

It had been almost five years since he had come here to Hogwarts, and defeated the greatest evil known not only to the Wizarding World, but to the world at large, though the majority of the Muggle World didn’t realize this. He hadn’t returned, not once, to the now abandoned school. He hadn’t returned because he was afraid. Harry Potter was afraid, afraid of what it would do to him if he were to return, afraid of how he would feel and the memories that would come flooding back. He had thought it safer to steer clear of here, and after so many years of worrying about danger, he wanted to feel safe.

However, Harry Potter would never be safe, not from himself at least, and not from his conscience

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out

Harry’s conscience always had to point out what he did wrong, or where he went wrong. Sometimes it was a bit annoying, but it usually was right.

His conscience, otherwise known as Hermione Granger - bookworm extraordinaire – was currently on her way up from the entrance of the school to the ruins that had once been the Great Hall. She knew exactly where her best friend would be at a time like this. She also knew that it was about time he came here.

I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

Hermione stopped in the doorway, watching her friend as he sat on top of what was once the Gryffindor house table. She could read him like she could read Hogwarts, a History. He was the most famous wizard in the world, its savior, and yet no one but her had seen him cry. Then again, he couldn’t cry out in the open, he had to appear to be the jolly man with no cares in the world, for the public’s sake.

My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Hermione continued to watch him, carefully, waiting for the right time to make her presence known. Then again, he probably already knew she was there. He always did. It was surreal, really, the way they could sense each other’s presence, read each other’s thoughts, finish each other’s sentences, and know exactly what the other was feeling. It was like part of her heart had always been missing until she had met him, she now had the other half of her heart…but it wasn’t quite whole yet, and she suspected, neither was his.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Voldemort, that bloody stupid git, ruined Harry’s life, and hers, and quite frankly he still was. The knowledge that Tom Riddle Jr. had caused Harry to see darkest part of a human soul kept Hermione from pouring her heart out to him. She was afraid, of rejection, and ruining the best relationship and connection she knew they both had. She was afraid of offering herself to him, and being rejected, and then they would both lose their life-lines that they had held onto for so long - each other.

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep

Harry knew she was there, but said nothing. He knew she would approach him eventually. He wasn’t even surprised that she knew where to find him, nor that she had come to find him in the first place.

He could feel her big brown eyes upon him, reading him like one of her books. He wondered if she knew that he was thinking about the last time they were in this room together, and he’d watched her die and crumple to the floor in a limp heap. She hadn’t really been dead – thank goodness – but he had thought she was, and he relived it quite often in nightmares since.

He knew she had nightmares about it too. He heard her, every night for three years, cry as she slept in the room next to his in Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He had gone to her each and every night and held her, and she him, until they had both fallen asleep, feeling safe since they were together.

I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Hermione wanted to throttle the Wizarding World as a whole right now and truthfully, she had wanted to on many other occasions since she was eleven. They laid all their hopes, dreams, and future in the hands of a boy, and continued to do so up until he became a man. One person should not have to shoulder all that on his own, yet it had not stopped them from putting such a burden on Harry. She had done her best to help lighten the load, but she was only one person herself.

When she would cry at night, he would come to her, comfort her, hold her, and she felt safe and protected. Now it was his turn to cry at night, and all she wanted to do was hold him and comfort him, yet he wouldn’t let her.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in

Hermione knew that because of what Voldemort had done, what the public and the people around him at large had forced upon Harry, he was afraid to let her help, to let her in, or maybe, he didn’t know how.

She wanted to be there for him anyways, especially now with the passing of Molly Weasley just a few weeks ago from an aneurism. So far, he hadn’t let her, but she wouldn’t stop trying; had she ever?

Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Hermione saw his shoulders sag and took that as her cue. She walked over to him slowly, her shoes making a soft, click, on the stone floor.

Harry looked up at her as she came to stand directly in front of him.

They simply stared at one another, talking without words, reaching out without touch.

“I feel so empty,” Harry whispered the anguish clear in the depths of his green eyes.

Because of you
I am afraid

Hermione looked at him. She could see the pain, the emptiness in his eyes; it probably mirrored the same emotions in her own.

She was afraid, afraid of saying the wrong thing, of hurting him more, and the last thing Hermione Granger ever wanted to do was hurt Harry Potter, because there was no one she loved more.

After watching him for what seemed like forever, watched the tense way he held himself and the changes in his breathing as different things – of which she could guess upon, but did not know – crossed his mind she couldn’t take it any more. Even if it backfired on her, she needed to let him know that he was not alone and that he was loved.

Because of you

A soft hand was stroking Harry’s cheek, his eyes closed as a wave of relief, of love passed through him at her touch.

“I know…” Hermione whispered, her voice almost cracking with the emotion bubbling inside of her, “I know, so do I.”

Harry opened his eyes as his hand came up to cover hers as it rested on his cheek, “Why?”

“Because Harry, when you hurt, I hurt.” she began to explain, softly rubbing her thumb across his cheek under the grasp of his hand on hers, “You are the other half of my soul, of my heart.”

Harry stared at her, completely understanding exactly what she meant, and what she was admitting to after all these years.

He brought her hand from his cheek to his lips and kissed her palm, feeling the levees he’d built to keep his emotions at bay beginning to break as tears began to pool in his eyes, “Mione…I have no right to feel this way, it’s not like she was my mother.”

Hermione let her own tears fall and she wrapped her arms around him, cradling him, she felt him relax against her and felt him shake with sobs, “Oh Harry, yes she was. She was the only mother you’ve ever known…just because you weren’t her natural son doesn’t mean she loved you any less or that you loved her any less…you have the right to grieve for her Harry, you have the right to cry.”

Harry held onto her, his life-line, as he cried and cried over the loss of the most loving woman he’d ever known. They cried together, knowing that it was safe to do so. That the other had them in their arms and would never let go until they wanted to.

Because of you

A woman, and a man, walked out of an ancient castle, hand in hand, and even smiling.

“Mione?” The man said softly as they walked down the practically deserted streets of what was once Hogsmeade Village.

The woman, with very thick brown hair, looked up at him, love in her eyes, “Mmm?”

He brought her hand, clasped in his to his mouth and placed a kiss on it before placing it over his heart, “You’re the other half of my soul too, you know.”

The woman smiled and stopped in her stride to lean up on her tiptoes and tenderly give him a kiss, “I do now.”

A huge smile appeared on the man’s handsome face.

The woman gave him a pretty smile in return, “You seem better.”

The man wrapped her arms around her and held her in a tight embrace, leaning down to whisper in the woman’s ear, “It’s because of you.”

~*~*~*~

A/N: Thanks to my wonderful Betas…they know who they are =)