Lily by Secret Lily

Rating: G
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 6
Published: 28/08/2005
Last Updated: 03/04/2006
Status: In Progress

Lily Evans is not the sort of girl who would normally be found writing in a diary. Yet, when she
starts, she finds that the easiest way to overcome all the obstacles in life is to let her emotions
out onto paper.




1. Welcome To My Life
---------------------

**A/N: Alas, another plot bunny. At the present moment, I’m not too sure about how long this
will be. That may or may not depend upon the feedback and the writing style of this first chapter.
I’ve wanted to do something along these lines for awhile. This is going to be canon to HBP. If you
have no read it, don’t worry, you won’t be entirely spoiled. Only small things will be added in. I
hope you like it. Please review. Thanks.**

*Summary: Lily Evans is not the sort of girl who would normally be found writing in a diary.
Yet, when she starts, she finds that the easiest way to overcome all the obstacles in life is to
let her emotions out onto paper.*

**Lily**

**Chapter 1-Welcome To My Life**

Normally, I try to steer clear of stereotypical trends, but yet, I find myself writing inside of
a silly book and recording the inner workings of my mind. A diary. Yes, I, Lily Evans, am writing
in a diary. The thought of it is absolutely mortifying, but here I am.

It feels awkwardly uncomfortable writing inside an empty book. What do you even know about me?
Why should I pour out my soul into a complete stranger? I suppose I should start off with
introducing myself and filling you in on why I have to write in a silly diary.

I’m Lily. My name’s not exactly unordinary, but it’s not common. Let’s just say it fits me well.
I’m neither dull nor extraordinary; I’m simply me. I am your average fourteen year old girl with
red hair and green eyes. I also happen to be a witch. Now, I know what you’re thinking, *a
witch?* Yes, a witch. They exist so get used to it. I attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
Wizardry and am going to enter my fourth year.

Hogwarts is like a second home to me. I’ve grown in more ways than I can even imagine by
attending that school. Unlike most of the students, I’m from a Muggle family. Not one of my
relatives has a bit of magic in them, which makes me sort of rare. For the first couple years of my
life, the fact that I am Muggleborn upset me. I felt like I had something to prove to everyone. I
still get harassed, but now, I’ve learned to stand up for myself. Bravery is not to be taken
lightly.

My parents were thrilled, maybe a bit shocked, when they found out the news. They’ve always
known I was a bit different and that I would go on to do great things. For that, I love them so
much. My sister, Petunia, has always had a problem with it. Her and I have never truly been close,
but after my years at Hogwarts, we’re extremely distant. During the summer, she tries with all her
might to make my life hell. That is partly the reason why I’m writing in this blasted diary.

My mum bought me this book after a particularly nasty comment from Petunia that involved the
words, “freak”, “freak”, and even more original, “freak.” Yes, she doesn’t exactly embrace her
creative side too often. Anyways, mum felt that it wasn’t right for me to always bite my tongue and
that writing down my feelings would be a constructive outlet for my sadness/hurt/anger/etc.

What she doesn’t know is that what Petunia says doesn’t bother me. In fact, I’ve grown used to
it. I don’t think I’m a freak, so why should I care that she thinks I am? Secretly, I think that
Petunia wishes she could go to Hogwarts as well. She’s always been interested in rarities and
Hogwarts is quite rare in the Muggle world.

Hogwarts is indeed my passion, as well as my schoolwork. I prefer sitting down to a good Potions
assignment to detention any day. A lot of people in my house, which happens to be Gryffindor, don’t
really understand me very well. Let’s take Sirius Black for example. Sirius is a fellow fourth year
and is known for his uncanny ability to completely neglect the rules. He has no desire to even lift
a book and can’t stand being in the presence of someone who can. Yet, he’s from a pureblood
wizarding family and doesn’t find everything as fascinating as I do.

Every aspect of the wizarding world intrigues me. Every single class I take is a new learning
experience. I particularly enjoy Charms and Potions, most likely because I’ve been told I have
natural ability. Professor Slughorn, the Potions teacher, reckons I could go on to become an Auror
at the Ministry of Magic. I had to look up what an Auror was after this comment, but once I started
reading, I couldn’t stop. Aurors have such dangerous and demanding jobs, but it’s truly wonderful
to read about the process of becoming one.

My best friend, Holly Spinnet, has absolutely no interest in becoming an Auror. Her brother,
Neal, is a professional Quidditch player and Holly has every intention of following in his
footsteps. I love watching Quidditch, but there is no way I could do what Holly does. A rare fact
about myself is that I am terribly afraid of heights. I am entirely satisfied by simply watching
from the stands.

I miss Holly. She is the only person at Hogwarts I can say truly understands me. We have our
disagreements, but she understands the person that I am. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know how I
would have survived the first couple of years without her. She never once felt any sort of
prejudice against me because of my bloodline, which is usually an uncommon thing. I knew from the
first day I met her that she was a friend worth keeping.

I guess we’re not exactly strangers anymore. I suppose it might be useful to have someone to
confide in. With summer ending and the school year approaching, there is sure to be times when I’ll
need that assuring feeling of having someone to talk to. I guess mum wasn’t completely wrong about
this diary idea.

Until next time,

Lily Evans.

**A/N: So, what did you think? It’s short, but it’s only the first chapter. This was a sort of
prologue. Should I continue it? Let me know & please review. Thanks.**



2. Frizzy Hair
--------------

**Lily

Chapter 2-Frizzy Hair**



Well, today has proven to be very interesting. As you know, it is September 1st, which means back
to Hogwarts for me. Let me tell you, it was a day from hell.

I woke up this morning, extremely ecstatic, jumpy, and anxious (as I always am when I go back to
Hogwarts) and immediately started dancing around on my bed (another ritual which shall never be
repeated outside of these pages).

After I finished brushing my teeth, I looked up at the mirror to smile at it (I’m an odd one, I
know) and I think I nearly cracked it when I screamed. I had a wad of pink bubblegum stuck in a
huge chunk of my curly red hair!

Mum rushed up the stairs with a baseball bat and slowly eased it down as she saw that no one was
trying to murder me. Instead, she tried getting the gum out of my hair. You see, if I could do
magic outside of Hogwarts, I would have been able to get the gum out in a cinch. Sadly, I didn’t
think of this until later. We tried peanut butter, but that definitely didn’t work; my hair is far
too tangled for that. Then, Mum threatened my locks with scissors, to which I responded by
screaming my head off at her about not coming near me without a beauty license.

So, after about an hour and a half of screaming and running away from my mother, I remembered about
magic. Yes, sometimes even I, Lily Evans, forget about being a witch. I remember thinking to
myself, “We’re allowed to use magic in special circumstances. If this isn’t an emergency, I don’t
know what is.” So, I went for it. And you know what happened? I got a warning from the Improper Use
of Magic Office (again) and they told me that if it happens again, I’ll be expelled. And you know
what the worst part is? When I did the spell, my hair literally frizzed out as if I’d been
electrocuted. Not cute. Not cute at all.

So, you can only imagine how enthused I looked to be entering the Hogwarts Express with my cat,
Jules, clawing my arm and my red mess of a hair all over the place. Enthused is precisely the word
to describe it.

Worst of all, I ran into someone that I completely and utterly loathe. James Potter, another
Gryffindor in my year, bumped into me while I was walking, very quickly mind you, down the aisle
and towards a compartment. He managed to catch a glimpse of me and ran off snickering with his
friends about ‘that red head Evans sticking her finger in the toaster’.

When I met up with Holly, she couldn’t stop laughing for about fifteen minutes straight, at least.
I stared across the compartment enviously as Holly sat, composed, with her perfect strawberry
blonde curls and soft blue eyes. It is quite scary sometimes how striking she is; not beautiful,
just striking. She is very poised, yet she is a complete slob behind the scenes. I am surprised at
how she can present herself so neatly in public. This thought only made me fume even more.

I’m the neat, collected, organized one and somehow I always find myself in horribly embarrassing
situations such as the one I went through. Ah, that’s the beauty of life. Nothing is fair and
nothing is ironic.

For most of the train ride I continued moping about, staring out the window the entire time. Holly
left a couple of times to go talk Quidditch with bloody James Potter. Today has only clarified the
reason I don’t like him.

He walks around like he’s some sort of god, as if we’re all inadequate in comparison. It infuriates
me. I hate people who feel they’re above everyone else. It’s snobbish and it disgusts me. The whole
lot of Potter’s crew act like that. I don’t understand why everyone idolizes them. They’re four
miscreants who feel they’re above the rules that the rest of us have to follow.

Anyways, back to the moment that reminded me exactly of why I disliked Potter…

He struts into mine and Holly’s compartment towards the end of the ride after we’d changed into our
school robes. He peeks his big, fat head through the door and says in the perfect sneer, “I heard
you did illegal magic, Evans.”

I was mortified. Forget about my hair. He had just told my best friend in the entire world about me
breaking the law. I was ashamed of myself and I was very set on taking it to my grave, but then
Potter comes and pops a big hole in that idea.

Apparently, his father is the head of the Improper Use of Magic Agency and Potter’s dad had to head
off to work instead of escorting him to the train. So now, Black, Potter, and Pettigrew are having
themselves a jolly good laugh about the gum in my hair. Remus Lupin, however, isn’t laughing, for
which I’m very grateful. I’ve always liked Lupin. He’s sensitive, nice, smart. He is exactly the
opposite of his three other mates. I don’t understand why someone like him would hang out with
blokes like Potter and Black.

Holly didn’t even laugh, which I am also grateful for. She may laugh when it’s the two of us in
private, but she’s very loyal. She never lets anyone bully her friends and nor do I. We both know
the appropriate times for laughter and this was not one of them. She could see how embarrassed I
was getting.

I can honestly say that the only highlight of my entire day was when Holly pulled the bubblegum she
was chewing right out of her mouth and placed it right into Potter’s mop of hair. Now, that was
hysterical. He darted out of the compartment, his cheeks are flushed. I’ve never seen Potter
embarrassed. It was truly something to witness.

Now that I look back on it though, I feel a bit repulsed. I laughed at someone’s embarrassment,
which is something Potter does. I’ll most likely grumble an apology tomorrow for my guilt, no
matter how much the git annoys me. I know how it feels to be embarrassed and caught off guard and I
know I hate it when people laugh at me. I suppose it’s just not right or fair for me to laugh at
them, even Potter.

Even though I had the worst day of my life today, at the end of the day, I am overjoyed to just lay
down on my bed and write in this diary. Holly was really surprised when she saw me writing in a
diary, but she overlooked it. I think I saw her trying to make her own out of pieces of parchment.
Ah, Lily Evans, trendsetter. Ha, sure, that’ll be the day.

Hogwarts is my true home and I am extremely pleased to be back. It’s hard to believe how much I
missed this place, excluding Potter and Black.

Uh oh, Holly’s trying to read in this. I better go. I don’t want her to see the part about me being
envious of her cool earlier. Got to go throw a shoe at her head.

Until next time,

Lily Evans

**A/N: Alright, it was short. Sorry. I couldn’t make it any longer. I tried, but it just didn’t
work. Well, tell me what you think. Please review. Thanks!**



3. Hatred
---------

**Lily

Chapter 3-Hatred**




As if the first day of school wasn’t bad enough, I was lucky enough to experience yet another
‘beautiful’ day at Hogwarts. I now thoroughly believe that my fourth year at Hogwarts is cursed. I
don’t know exactly what I’ve done to deserve this torment, but whatever it was, it must have been
excruciatingly horrible.

Last night, I laid down in my warm, soft, comfortable bed and closed my eyes, looking forward to
drifting off into a peaceful slumber until morning. That is, until my sleeping cat, Jules, started
having nightmares. I mean, the poor cat has always been a little out there, but the veterinarian
says the nightmares are perfectly normal. I’d love to show him my leg full of nicks and scratches.
I am going to go talk to Professor Kettleburn tomorrow about feline nightmares.

After enduring a very non-peaceful night, I awoke groggy and exhausted (having only slept about two
hours). I managed to brush my teeth, get dressed, and gather my books, my red hair in tangles for
the second time this year. Collected Lily Evans was no longer collected.

The entire irony of the situation was that Holly, as I’ve mentioned before, is a disgusting slob. I
usually find candy in the sink and papers in my shoes. Yet, there she was, sitting down looking as
tranquil and poised as someone should after having gotten nine hours of sleep.

I looked up at her, my emerald green eyes blood shot and watery. The rest of the Gryffindor table
watched as I stammered out, “Someone want to pass the coffee?”

“Merlin, Evans, what happened to you?” someone asked. That someone happened to have his notorious
arrogant smirk planted on his face. Of course, James Potter was wide awake.

“Mind your own business, Potter,” I managed to spit out before downing a hot cup of black coffee.
It was strong, but I knew I’d need the energy boost.

“Lily,” Holly whispered into my ear, dragging me out of the Great Hall. “What happened?”

“What do you mean what happened?” I asked, still holding firmly onto my cup. “I didn’t get any
sleep last night. Jules kept me up.”

Holly eyed my face carefully, her eyes skimming over my cheeks. “She did a number on you,” she
commented. “We should take you to Poppy.”

“It’s not that bad,” I assured her. “I’m more concerned for her than I am for myself.”

“It’s just that, well, when you entered the Great Hall, you looked like you were ready to kill
someone,” Holly told me.

*Grea*t, I thought. *People are going to start worrying I’m going to murder them in their
sleep.*

“Have a rough night last night?” Sirius Black asked, winking in my direction.

“Not that it concerns you, Black, but yes, I did,” I told him, the coffee hot on my tongue. As I
said this, all the males at the table snorted into their food. Holly gave me a bewildered look. She
obviously had no idea what was going on.

I glared over at James Potter, knowing he knew exactly what was going on. I could tell he was
intentionally averting my gaze. I felt my cheeks redden as the laughter and whispers began. I could
feel eyes on my back, but I tried to ignore it.

When Bertha Jorkins, an older girl from Hufflepuff who is more infamously known as being the school
gossip, approached me, I knew something was going on. It wasn’t because of my appearance
necessarily. It was something else, something bigger.

“Lily,” she said into my ear quietly. “Is it true?”

“Is what true?” I asked her defensively.

“That you and Snape were snogging last night in the Astronomy Tower,” Bertha clarified for
me.

Holly gasped and everyone must have seen the look on my face as they all stopped laughing and
pointing. I looked over my shoulder at Severus Snape, who was looking down straight into his food
darkly as everyone bombarded him with questions.

“Who told you that?” I asked menacingly. My voice was low and quiet, but Bertha heard every
word.

“Well, it’s all over school,” Bertha explained. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

And then it hit me. My emerald green eyes snapped over to Potter and he was carelessly talking with
his friends, most likely making an impersonation of me and Snape going at it.

I walked right over to him, tapped him on the shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you be off talking to Sniv--,” he began before I smacked him across the face. With that,
I walked out of the Great Hall, my chin up and my eyes holding back tears.

I had never done anything to Potter to make him do such a cruel thing. Who could be so cruel?
Rumors are ugly, nasty, vile things. Then again, it’s Potter we’re talking about. Holly came up to
the dorm to talk to me. Yet, right now, I don’t want to talk to anyone.

This morning, I thought I was doomed this year. Now, I know I’m doomed. If only today had been as
simple as getting my cat checked for sleeping problems.

And today, my rivalry with James Potter turned into more than rivalry. I hate him.

**A/N: Short, but this story is giving me writer’s block. Not my finest. Please review
anyways.**



4. Ugly Duckling
----------------

**Lily

Chapter 4-Ugly Duckling**



One month is a very long time to hold onto a rumor. Yet, Hogwarts seems to have risen above my
expectations and lingered upon this so-called gossip. Yes, I, Lily Evans, have apparently been very
busy. James Potter may have started the talk, but he certainly didn’t finish it. I can’t go
anywhere without people calling behind my back, “Evans, going to go give Snape’s lips a bit of
exercise?”

*Ew. No.*

Why Snape? I mean, I hardly ever talk to Severus Snape. It’s beyond me why the two of us, who
hardly ever associate in social situations, are on the receiving end of these rumors.

Thank Merlin for Holly though. She’s been doing her best to try and shut everyone up. Might I let
you know, that Holly can be very forceful when she wants to. After I slapped James Potter across
the face, she managed to clobber him over the head with her schoolbag. I had never been more
proud.

I’m not even sure if Potter feels remorseful in the least. He carries on as if the world should
worship his every breath. I’ve never met someone so full of their self. Well, maybe Sirius Black,
but then again, he never really lets on to his arrogance. You’ve got to actually talk to him to
*know*. Potter, on the other hand, would scream it from a building that he thought he was
Merlin’s gift to the world.

Let me tell you, I’m not in a very thankful mood. Sorry, Merlin.

I’m only fourteen years old and only yesterday, I swear to God, I saw a gray hair. I nearly had a
heart attack. Holly had to come in and settle me down. I’m telling you, if I go gray at fourteen, I
will bloody *murder* James Potter. And while I’m at it, I may as well give Snape a grand snog
because he’ll be the only one willing.

**Reasoning Behind So-Called Gray Hair**



1) School--Fourth year is not supposed to be this hard. I may have developed a slight hunchback due
to the exuberant amount of books I’ve been forced to carry. Not only will I be gray, people will
lock me away in the Astronomy Tower and call me Quasimodo.

2) My cat--I really am worried about her. Despite the nightmares, she really is an odd cat. The
poor thing only has one eye, which is pretty unique in itself. Frankly, I have no idea what
happened to the other one, but I really am not all that willing to find out. I bought her at an
animal shelter in London with my sister and my mum. Petunia was absolutely appalled that I chose,
in her words, ‘the most demented cat in the entire lot’, but I knew that I had to have her. I mean,
the chances of someone else finding the beauty in a one-eyed cat was slim to none. The world is
sadly filled with a bunch of Petunias. I couldn’t just leave her there to rot. The eye has sort of
grown on me too. It still freaks Holly out, but we love Jules all the same.

3) Transfiguration--I suppose that this would qualify under school, but let me tell you,
Transfiguration in itself is a burden. I just can’t bloody concentrate. Hard enough as it is, it’s
even worst when I hear James bleeding Potter boasting about how he managed to achieve the assigned
task with his eyes closed whilst hopping around on one leg. Yet another reason to smack him across
the face.

4) Bad Genes--Mum doesn’t have gray hair and she’s extremely ancient in comparison to me. I suppose
that I must receive all the recessive genes in our family. Maybe premature graying is one of them.
I mean, I am the only witch in the family. It is highly possible that I received the worst
genes.

5) Maybe it wasn’t a gray hair at all. Maybe I am simply evolving into a slob and have taken to
getting food caught in my hair. That seems simply preposterous though. And disgusting.

Finally, the true reasoning why I feel I’ve developed a gray hair,

6) James Potter

***

Lately, I’ve taken to noticing the changes around me. Maybe I’m just sentimental or I don’t deal
well with change, but everything seems to be getting so different without any warning
whatsoever.

Only just yesterday, I noticed the change in my best friend. Holly has always been striking and a
wonderful person to look at, but something seemed so mature about her. She seemed very adult-like
yesterday and I could hardly believe that the two of us were in the same year. Why had she changed
so much and I so little?

I still look the same as I did when I came into Hogwarts back in first year. My hair still gets
frizzy, my eyes still bagged and bloodshot when I don’t sleep enough, I still get blemishes on my
face when I eat too much chocolate, my clothes never fit right, and I still seem younger than I
really am.

Holly’s gone from normal to extraordinary in less than a year’s time and well, frankly, I am a bit
jealous. She always seems much more collected than I, even when she endures the same situations as
I do. It’s enough to make one miserable.

Plus, *she* didn’t find a gray hair on *her* scalp.

I must be like that old muggle fable, the Ugly Duckling. Holly’s the swan, while I’m still caught
in the before phase.

And it’s not only Holly either. Others in our year have transformed, so to speak. It makes me
wonder when my time will come. Will I know?

According to the entire school though, I’ve matured a lot since last year, snogging Snape and all.
That rumor has got to stop. It really is getting tiring. Well, at least people won’t mistake me for
a first year anymore. Now, *that* was unfortunate.

Great, Holly the new queen of perfection has just strode in and told me that now people are talking
about Snape and I becoming an exclusive item. There is going to be hell to pay, James Potter.

Got to go deliver a beating,

Lily, the graying duckling

**A/N: Let me know what you think. This was sort of a perspective chapter. I wanted everyone to
get to know Lily & her friend a bit more. Hope this helped. Please review.**



5. Hall Brawl ‘74
-----------------

**Lily

Chapter 5-Hall Brawl ‘74**



I am starting to believe that there is an elaborate scheme taking place at Hogwarts. Honestly, how
else would the Marauders have become so popular? There is no other explanation. They’re illegally
persuading the whole school into believing them gods. Even Holly has started to rave about how
funny they are, how cute they’re becoming, and how brilliant their pranks are.

Gag me.

1) They’re not funny. Not in the least. Every single joke that they make is at another’s expense.
Cruel. Now, cruel and funny hold two completely different meanings. When I pointed this out to
Holly, she simply rolled her eyes at me. I’m starting to notice that she’s gotten into that ugly
habit. Rolling eyes is extremely offensive. She’s lucky I love her so much. I mean, has she even
considered that it might offend me? Jules, my beloved cat, can only roll one eye. I’ll make sure to
point this out to her next time she goes defending those blasted Marauders by rolling those
eyes.

Anyways, back onto my rant…

2) Cute? As in physically cute? No, no, no. Each and every one of them is extremely loathsome.
Well, at least ¾ are. Remus isn’t perhaps that bad. But don’t get me started on the school’s latest
fixations, Sirius Black and James Potter. For some reason, messy hair and tall limbs has become
suddenly *dreamy*, their words, not mine. I mean, maybe Black could be considered somewhat
attractive, but honestly, his personality definitely takes care of any romantic feelings I may have
had for him otherwise. He is absolutely repulsive.

Now, James Potter doesn’t seem remotely cute in the least. His hair is unmanageable, although I
suppose I can’t really talk, and those stupid glasses always sit crookedly on his nose. What can
possibly be charming about that?

3) Their pranks are not witty, nor are they hysterical, comedic, amusing, humorous, entertaining,
laughable, priceless, side-splitting, etc. Now, if by witty she meant stupid, brainless,
vindictive, irresponsible, idiotic, senseless, or moronic, then I would agree with her. Holly, by
definition, was extremely off on her adjective.

Now, diary, you may be wondering exactly *why* I hate the Marauders so much, particularly at
this point in time. Let me tell you:

They locked me in a blasted broom cupboard with Severus Snape. Yes, oh so witty.



You should have seen the faces as I exited the closet. There had to be hundreds of kids, no, maybe
thousands, waiting to take a peek at Snape and myself. It was hard to explain that nothing
whatsoever had happened, considering my hair was a wreck once again and Severus Snape was blushing
in all his glory. The stupid git didn’t even attempt to explain that we were simply toys in this
elaborate scheme.

So, now, I don’t even feel bad for him when the Marauders prank him. Alright, I do a little, but
merely out of concern for his undergarments. They are exposed to the public FAR too much.

Do you know who was laughing his merry little arse off as I walked down the hall shamefully. Oh,
yes, Mr. Dreamy himself, James bleeding Potter.

So, for the second time in one semester, I hit him. Although, this time, I didn’t stop with a
measly slap. I found myself literally throwing my entire body weight onto him and pummeling him
onto the ground as hard as I could. I was so angry. I just hit and hit, hoping to break those
bloody glasses that wouldn’t sit straight on his stupid nose. Every single angry, resentful thought
I felt against him came out as I hit him. Yet, he refused to defend himself.

Stupid superior male and his stupid morals. It’s some unwritten law that guys can’t hit girls. And
here I was, ready to duke it out with him.

I only stopped as I felt two pairs of hands grabbing onto me, pulling me off of him. At this point,
I was in tears, up to my brim in hysterics.

“Let me go,” I shouted. “He deserves it.”

As I turned out, I saw Holly and Remus pulling me off of him. Holly, my own friend, watching me
with her sympathetic eyes.

“I don’t need your pity,” I spat at her as I walked down the corridor angrily. Yes, temperamental
comes to mind as of right now. Yet, most people chose not to refer to this incident as a
‘temper-tantrum’. No, it was affectionately dubbed, ‘Evans-Potter Hall Brawl ‘74’. I even think
they’re making a memorial plaque to put up in the Great Hall.

Even as I felt victorious, leaving the scene of the crime, I knew I was going to have to pay. I
knew that I was going to probably be punished extremely for my actions.

And I was right. Oh, yes, I was to be serving my first detention.

If that wasn’t bad enough, I was to be sharing this momentous occasion with none other than my snog
mate, Snape, and my victim, Potter.

Oh, yes, one could definitely say I was *thrilled* about this.

XXX

So, here I am, sitting in this mangy, dumb classroom with two of my favorite people, James Potter
and Severus Snape. I brought you along, diary, because, well, I need something to keep me
sane.

As McGongall led us into this room, her thin mouth grim and disappointed, she told us, “The three
of you obviously have some issues you need to work out. It will be detention every night until
progress is made.”

Every bloody night? That witch (yes, excuse the pun) expects me to spend my evenings with these two
nutcases?

So, right now, I am surrounded by a cruel silence and even crueler company. Snape seemed to be
drawing on parchment. Merlin only knows what he could be drawing. Probably himself drowning poor,
innocent puppies or something along those lines. One day, I saw him killing frogs by the lake.
Normally, I would say something, but that is too demented for words.

Potter seems to be biting on his nails. It’s rather disgusting if you ask me. All I hear is
*click, chew, chew, click*. Very annoying. He’s been doing this for the last hour so I guess
you can say it’s long past the verge of annoying.

Oh, and the *chew-click combo* has stopped.

*Swoosh. Swoosh. Swoosh.*

And now he’s found a new way to make noise. I have no idea how he’s producing these so-called
*swooshes*, but he certainly is becoming extremely irritating, even for his standards.

He keeps trying to see what I’m writing, which is perturbing, not to mention nosy.

**JAMES POTTER NEEDS TO MIND HIS OWN BLOODY BUSINESS!**

There. Problem solved.

We’ve been here for two and a half hours and I honestly don’t know how much more I can take of his.
It’s just so boring. All I can do is sit here and think about what I’ve done. I mean, it’s not like
I have any choice. When teachers say, “Sit here and think about what you’ve done”, they really know
what they’re talking about. There’s nothing else to think about. My mind’s already skimmed over the
normal topics; *Have I done my homework?, Did I feed Jules before I came?, Potter resembles a
baboon, etc.* So, now, all I can think about is what happened.

I mean, I don’t feel guilty in the least for hitting Potter. I actually feel pretty empowered that
someone finally gave James Potter a black eye. For all he’s done in the past, he deserved it.

I do, however, feel guilty about lashing out at Holly. She was only trying to help. I mean, Remus
and her were the only ones thinking practically. They knew both Potter and I would get in a lot of
trouble if teachers caught us (which they did) so they tried to prevent it. Everyone else, Sirius
Black especially, sat back laughing. They seemed to find the *Hall Brawl ‘74* extremely
amusing.

I do hope that Holly knows now what I was talking about when I told her the Marauder’s pranks are
the farthest thing from amusing. I’m living proof, as is Snape, stupid, demented git that he
is.

Oh god, now he’s staring at me. Actually, staring. So, diary, all I can really do is stare
back.

Why isn’t he blinking?!?

Blink!

Blink!

Come on, Potter, blink already.

Alright, so now I guess we’re having some sort of staring contest. I refuse to participate in such
a childish game.

Ok, maybe I lied. I just don’t want him to win.

Don’t blink, Lily. Don’t do it. Don’t let him win.

Great, he blinked. Yes, there was sarcasm attached to that last statement. Because, along with
blinking, the stupid prat winked at me. How immature. Sore loser.

Get me out of this mess,

Lily



6. Curiosity About The Cat
--------------------------

*Summary: Lily Evans is not the sort of girl who would normally be found writing in a diary.
Yet, when she starts, she finds that the easiest way to overcome all the obstacles in life is to
let her emotions out onto paper.*

**Lily**

**Chapter 6-Curiosity About the Cat**

Woe is me, diary. Yes, I am throwing myself a dignified pity party, thank you very much. If
anyone deserves sympathy at the present time, it’s me. The hell I’ve had to endure, the torture,
the suffering. And well, that’s only detention. I suppose life in general’s been pretty
disappointing as well.

I find that talking to a one-eyed cat and a one-eyed cat alone can probably be considered
unhealthy, as well as socially awkward. Yet, Jules is the only company I have outside of classes
and detention.

Holly attempted to patch things up with me, but I, Lily, always the stubborn one, merely brushed
her off. I can’t say it was *ridiculously* uncalled for, but it would have been easier to
share my woes with an actual human being opposed to a cat.

Woes indeed. It seems that Severus Snape actually *is* as demented as the Marauders make
them out to be. He spends the entire detention drawing really disturbing images that I can’t even
understand half of the time. One time, he caught me staring and actually hissed at me. Yes,
*hissed!* I wasn’t sure whether I was supposed to be embarrassed or confused. Let me tell you,
I was a little bit of both. Actually, no, I wasn’t really embarrassed at all. Mainly just
confused.

Plus, he seems to be enjoying this ‘glory’ he’s received from being associated with both my lips
and the Hall Brawl. In the halls, he always makes a point of curling up his lips when I pass or
brushing by me in the classroom. It’s enough to make me want to vomit. Snape? Severus Snape? Even
if he *was* a nice person, well, he’s extremely whacked, if you ask me. You just don’t go
around hissing at people.

I mean, it’s only common manners not to. When you’re young, your parents establish the basic
principles that guide you through life. Manners, right and wrong, birds and the bees, etc.

Now, I don’t really know how Snape’s family conducts the do’s and don’t list, but well, I
imagine it must look like this judging from poor Severus’ behavior.

*Do*

*Draw creepy, demented drawing AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE!*

*Kill innocent insects without any guilt whatsoever* (I mean, come on! Even if they are
disgusting and annoying, a little pity here and there wouldn’t be frowned upon)

*Pretend to be Lily Evans’ boyfriend despite the fact that she wouldn’t be caught dead
snogging anyone with such horrible manners.*

*Hiss at attractive red headed fourth year girls*

*Don’t*

*Hold respect for hygiene. Clean the grime, commit a crime.*

Hm, I haven’t really gotten to know him so I don’t actually know much about the ‘Don’t’ part of
the list. Severus Snape seems oddly fascinating, even if he is an ignorant git.

Yet, Snape I can handle. Snape is quiet, minds his own business, and divulges himself into those
creepy drawings. I really would prefer being in a room with ten thousand Severus Snape’s opposed to
one James Potter.

I never knew Potter could be so bloody annoying! I always thought he was rude and superficial,
but I never expected him to be so irritating. Well, actually, yes I did. Strike that.

What I meant to say was that because he’s so popular, I never imagined he’d be so unlikable. I
could be a brick wall and yet, Potter would still find a medium topic of conversation.

*“So, what’s it like being a brick wall? Must be pretty boring, huh? What do you do all
day?”*

Merlin, the boy’s questions are endless. It’s “Evans” this and “Evans” that. He *knows* we
have detention every night, yet he deliberately comes empty handed. Both Snape and I always brings
a notebook with us. Not Potter. Nope, he insists upon bugging me.

**Questions I’ve Been Asked By James Potter**

**Pt. One**

*001. What’s your middle name?*

*002. Do you have any pets?*

*003. Really? One eye? That’s weird. How’d that happen?*

*004. You don’t know? Aren’t you ever curious?*

*005. You can’t just tell someone that and expect them not to be inquisitive. I mean, does the
one eye give your cat problems? Can she still go on with her daily life?*

*006. No, Evans, it was not that obvious. Why do you always have such a chip on your
shoulder?*

At this point, I believe we’d had exactly two minutes and twenty three seconds of silence before
the questions continued, sometimes without me even having to answer.

*007. Evans, you ever wonder what it’s like to walk on the moon?*

*008. What is gravity in your opinion?*

*009. Did you know Sirius has a star named after him?*

*010. Have you ever gotten heart burn? It’s really uncomfortable and well, I think that
everyone should be made aware of it.*

*011. Does the one eye bother Holly? Does it bother you?*

He just wouldn’t shut up about the eye. He wants to meet my cat now. James Potter wants to meet
my physically handicapped cat. No way in bloody hell is that *ever* going to happen.
Laughable.

As if I’d ever let anyone as balmy as Potter near my perfectly normal cat, Jules. Alright, well,
she’s not exactly sane, but that’s another story entirely. And you know what fascinated him even
more than the eye thing (which he brought up at least another twelve times before the night was
through)? Her nightmares.

“What, are you some kind of cat fiend, Potter?” I inquired as we made to leave the door. I heard
Snape snort, an unusual sound effect for him. Hissing must have become overplayed.

“No,” he insisted sullenly. “Can’t a guy just be curious.”

“No, Potter,” I told him harshly. “A *guy* can. A normal, perfectly sane guy can. But you,
Potter? You always seem to have an ulterior motive to everything. Going to blackmail me anytime
soon? Hold my cat for ransom? What? What are you going to try and pull this time?”

He stared at me, as if seeing me somewhat differently now, and shrugged angrily. “You just don’t
get it, Evans,” he told me.

Get what? How am I supposed to get it if he doesn’t explain himself? He is *not* an open
book, despite however much he believes he is.

I’m starting to think there’s something seriously wrong with him. First the questions and now
the stares. And not only in detention either. He stares at me in class. It’s really weird. I mean,
maybe I’m paranoid, but I feel like at any moment, he’s going to spring some humiliating prank that
will further prove my point regarding his despicability.

It’s because of him that the entire school thinks I go have my way with Snape each night and
that I have frequent rage black outs. Furthermore, it is his fault that Holly and I are no longer
on proper speaking terms. If he hadn’t started that blasted rumor to begin with, Holly would more
than likely be criticizing the fact that I didn’t straighten my hair this morning.

I miss her and I know I’m being stubborn about it, even though I still hold all the blame on
Potter. I can’t just give up my pride though. Too much of my dignity has been stolen and laughed at
by the student body of Hogwarts. I no longer have a squeaky clean reputation. I’m tarnished.
Bruised. Broken. Lonely.

And even more so, I’m thoroughly annoyed with everyone. Everyone except Jules. Bless her and her
one eye.

I really wish I wasn’t so stubborn. Bah.

Let me wallow,

Lily

**A/N: Not great, but certainly not horrible. I mean, I’ve written better. I do hope that you
all liked it, however. Please review.**



7. James and Jules
------------------

**Lily**

**Chapter 7-James and Jules**

Reluctantly, I decided to patch things up with Holly. She still disapproves of my so-called
‘temper tantrum’, but the two of us have decided to pleasantly agree to disagree. So, now that I
have her back, she won’t shut her bloody trap.

I mean, I’ve told her about the detentions I’ve been serving as of late and well, she finds them
extremely fascinating. Why? Couldn’t tell you. If I’d have to pinpoint her object of interest, I
would say James Potter himself. She’s been raving about the boy. I mean, she’s not romantically
interested in him or anything. She’s just been awfully curious and well, she won’t share those
blasted suspicions of hers.

Always the same questions, over and over again.

“He stares at you a lot?” she asked me, her eyes excited and full of dancing revelations. “He
wants to meet Jules?”

“Well, yeah, but who wouldn’t? She has one eye,” I pointed out. It was true. Often, people just
found the oddest quirks interesting. I mean, if I wasn’t so used to it and I didn’t love my cat
dearly, I would probably be somewhat repulsed. But the fact of the matter is that I am used to it
and she is my little pride and joy. So there. “And it’s not like I’d even think of exposing my
precious cat to that absolute nightmare.”

“Why not?” Holly inquired thoughtfully. “I mean, Jules really does need more human interaction.
Not many people want to pet a one-eyed cat. Sure, they want to look at it. They want to laugh at
it. They want to marvel over the possibilities pertaining as to how exactly she came about being
one-eyed. But, they normally don’t have any desire to pet the poor dear.”

“Yourself included,” I reminded her once more.

“That is completely besides the point,” Holly dismissed. “I am trying to say that maybe it
wouldn’t be so bad, for everyone actually, if you and Potter tried hanging out outside of
detention. I mean, lord knows we could live without any public displays of violence.”

She was out of her mind. I told her just this and she simply rolled her eyes and passed me the
cat. I think I saw her flinch a bit, but I overlooked this.

And when I refused once more, she literally pushed me down the stairs. I could have died! I
could have acquired a fracture of some sort or even a permanent affliction, such as an irrational
fear of stairs. I do believe that I shouted this up to the closed door that Holly was lurking
behind.

However, I did not develop any mental or physical injuries. I only managed to topple onto my
behind, landing at the bottom of the stairs in front of nearly every Gryffindor in the common
room.

And to my surprise, it was Potter who helped me up. Yes, scrawny, stupid, slippery Potter. If I
weren’t so polite, I probably would have screamed. And yes, to answer any and all questions, I was
cringing on the inside.

He provided a shocking smirk and eventually noticed that I was carrying Jules, who happened to
be clawing my robes vigorously.

“Is this Jules?” he asked me, petting her carefully. If things hadn’t been bizarre enough, Jules
actually stopped clawing me to release a satisfied purr of some sort. And she hates almost
everyone.

“Do you know any other one-eyed cats?” I responded, hoping that didn’t sound rude. He didn’t
seem offended in the least, only mesmerized with the one-eye.

“Does she still have nightmares?” he asked. I was sort of surprised he even remembered that
tiny, insignificant detail.

“Nearly every night,” I told him quietly.

I really didn’t like where this whole ‘befriend Potter’ idea was going. It was sort of
flustering, especially so considering that the whole common room was watching us as if we were some
highly amusing circus freak show.

So, as Potter was petting Jules, I mumbled out, “I really do have to go do some homework. In my
room. So, I guess I’ll be going.”

“Can the cat stay?” he asked, as I headed up the stairs.

And, reluctantly, I let Jules trample down the steps to go sit with James Potter in the common
room. I am such an idiot.

***

A couple of days later, I was scurrying around the dorm room, attempting to find a sketchbook to
bring with me to detention. No, I was not going to draw creepy Snape-like images, thanks. I was
only bringing it to doodle in. Anything to distract me from that incessant twerp so affectionately
named Potter.

Holly entered, a devious grin adorning her face.

“You know who I saw getting cozy on the Gryffindor couch?” she taunted, nearly laughing.

“Don’t care,” I managed to spit out, while fervently searching in my trunk.

“Potter and Jules,” she told me, despite my lack of interest in the conversation.

“So?” I inquired, looking up at her from the ground.

“Just saying that they make a remarkable couple, is all,” she said, whistling as she flopped
down onto her bed.

What was she trying to get at anyways? So what if Potter liked my cat? That didn’t mean
anything. Even though she has one-eye, she is a very likeable cat. Pft. Holly just never got to
know her. I mean, just because she has some weird phobia, doesn’t mean that everyone does.

But, now that she mentions it, I am rather curious as to why he is so interested in my cat. It’s
really irking me, truth be told. At least I have something to do in detention now.

**Potter & Jules-- How did this happen?**

*Possibility 01--Potter was deprived as a child and is using my cat to fulfill his
youth-filled dreams of owning a pet of his very own.*

*Possibility 02--Fate. Maybe it’s written in the stars that Potter and Jules belong together.
If so, I will NOT be attending the wedding.*

*Possibility 03--He’s extremely desperate.*

I’m leaning towards the third possibility, if I must say so myself. I spent so much time
pondering the idea of Potter enjoying the company of my cat that I, well, lost track of time and
barely noticed his eyes straying on mine every so often. Alright, I did notice this, but it bugged
me a bit less since I had something to focus my attention on.

As the three of us, Snape, Potter, and myself, drifted apart after detention, I came across none
other than Sirius ‘Love My Body’ Black. I heard him chanting that one day in the common room and
now he has officially been dubbed so.

“Why, Evans, what a surprise to see you on this very beautiful night,” Black told me
suavely.

Let me refrain from hacking all over this diary.

“Has anyone ever mentioned how the hall light brings out your eyes?” he questioned, as
charmingly as he could.

Not charming enough, Black. Sorry.

“No, but I’m oh-so glad you noticed,” I told him coldly, walking away.

He ran to catch up with me, shouting, “Wait, Evans!”

“What is wrong with you, Black? The two of us hold a mutual understanding of the fact that
neither one of us cares for the other. We both find the other loathsome, irritating, and
insufferable. Now, please, let’s leave it at that,” I told him.

“You have a point,” he told me. “But I’m not here for me. Well, I’m not here on anyone’s behalf,
actually. Merely trying to be a good friend.”

“Enlighten me,” I told him, pausing to roll my eyes.

And as he told me exactly why he was there, I think I bloody fainted. I woke up in my dorm room,
with you, diary, clenched so tightly to my chest, and the feeling of immense motion sickness
overcame me.

I now know why James Potter was becoming buddy-buddy with my cat.

Apparently, he likes me.

Goodie.

Sick until death, Lily

**A/N: Please review.**



8. Goodbye Cruel World
----------------------

**Lily**

**Chapter 8-Goodbye Cruel World**

I, Lily Evans, have decided that this page is my last will and testament. There is no longer
justice in this institution many refer to as Hogwarts. There is no longer peace. There is no longer
innocence. I have come to these conclusions *on my own* and trust me, this decision is NOT
entirely based upon the acquirement of recent information.

Alright, it is.

James ruddy Potter. If there was ever a more confusing boy, he’d probably like me too. I have
the worst luck in the world. And that is why I have to decided to run away.

Vanish. Let everyone believe me dead. I am going to travel the world with nothing but dirty
fingernails and a ragged rucksack to carry. Because, well, a girl can always use clean socks. That
is, if I even decide to wear socks. It would be entirely acceptable if I didn’t seeing as I plan on
living the life of a bum. Lily Evans, bum extraordinaire. Not a bad ring, if you ask me.

Holly probably won’t understand and that is why, you, diary are going to be left in her
possession. She will have to read every cryptic word I’ve written within your fragile binding. And
Holly, if you’re reading this, please disregard all the nasty things I wrote about you when we were
fighting. And when we weren’t fighting. I’m just a brute. And that is why, I must leave this
existence I’ve so comfortably become fond of.

I don’t own many valuables, but I figure that this is only a will if there is an according
property distribution.

Desired Wishes of Lily Evans
*From the ugly duckling herself*

**1) To Holly--**
*a) It is in my last hope that you can come to live with my ‘death’. And it was death, I tell
you, even if no one is able to find a body. The ‘killer’ has cleverly hidden my remains. And no,
I’m not going to tell you who the killer is. Wait--yes, I am! It was Filch. I bloody hate that man.
He was jealous that his cat had two eyes, while mine is special and has one. There’s your motive.
Anyways, in order for you to properly understand the events preceding my death, you can have my
precious diary.*

Blast! I can’t give her the diary if I want her to believe me dead and gone. I already wrote
myself that I’m running away.

*b) When I said I was running away, the killer (Filch) was placing the Imperius curse upon me.
Awful, I know. I died a hero’s death.*

*c) Don’t worry, I won’t be leaving Jules with you. I know how much you hate her (even though
I also know how much you secretly harbor feelings of deep love for the cat you claim is ‘out of
it’s nearly non-existent mind’) Jules will be given to safe (dare I say) hands.*

**2) James Potter--**
*a) Yes, you’re included in my will. Don’t get your g-string in a bunch. I am only including you
in my will because I know you have a strong fetish for my cat. Therefore, as much as it pains me to
say this, Jules is all yours. I won’t be able to properly care for her now that I’m a lady on the
run. Er, I mean, now that I’m dead.*

*b) Actually, truth is, the reason I’m leaving (yes, I know, shocking that I’m not actually
dead) is because your so-called mate fed me the truth. And now that I can no longer yell at you, I
feel it is my duty to say this: Are you out of your mind?!? You liking me? Disgusting. Horrible. We
have no chemistry, whatsoever. I don’t even find you attractive. You’re despicable and I hate
you.*

*Suck on that.*

Probably not the best approach. Ah, well, at least he can hate me in peace.

**3) Jules--**
*Now, darling, you’re not getting a thing merely because I’m afraid you’d tear whatever it is I
give you to shreds. So, I’m writing you this farewell note in hopes you can forgive me.*

*I want you to forget about me, Jules. Forget you ever clawed up my entire left shin. Forget
that you ever slept in my extremely frizzy hair. Forget that I ever swore at you about your quite
disturbing nightmares. Just forget about me.*

*James, your new master, will take good care of you. He likes cats, especially you. He’s the
one that you sit with in the common room, despite my many wishes that you wouldn’t. So, go off and
have mixed-specie babies. I’m sure they’ll be---cute.*

*Oh, and really, give Holly hell. I mean, it’s not your fault you only have one eye.*

Now that all this official business is taken care of, I’m going to go and take a roam around the
castle for the last time. I’m sure it won’t be *too* hard to leave.


***

I can’t do it, diary! I just can’t. The castle is too beautiful. Too magical. It’s too much of a
home for me to leave.

Sorry, fellow bums. Sorry, cruel world. I’m staying. I just can’t bare to leave. It’s too hard.
What would I do without my daily classes? Without the view of the Great Lake? Without the house
elves’ delicious cooking? I think I would actually die.

Why is it that I’m talking about death an awful lot today? Really, it’s bizarre.

Oh, wait, I remember. Potter.

Now that I’ve decided to live, I can further examine the mystery I have entitled..

*James Potter 101
How and why did this happen?*

*Who: According to witness #1, Sirius ‘I Don’t Know His Middle Name’ Black, James ‘I Couldn’t
Give Two Crumpets About’ Potter has a so-called crush on me, Lily ‘I Wish I Really Was A Bum’
Evans.*

*What: This has been classified as a tragedy.*

*Where: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, an institution for learning. I don’t
remember hearing ANYTHING about inter-gender relations. None, whatsoever. So, clearly, it would be
absolutely appalling for anyone on the administration to find out about this newfound infatuation.
Interesting indeed.*

*When: 1974, a year from hell.*

*Why: I’d really like to know. Why couldn’t it have been Holly or someone else who can at
least tolerate him? But no, Potter’s difficult and chooses the one person at this school besides
Snape who is absolutely repulsed at the mere thought of him.*

And to make things even better, I’ve got to go to detention. My life is *so* swell. And
yes, there was immense sarcasm attached to that statement. But, on the bright side, I’m not running
away.

Some bright side, if you ask me.

***

Well, diary, after returning from detention, I now know that life was indeed worth sticking
around for. Hogwarts, glorious Hogwarts, sing me your praises! I love my life! I love it, I love
it, I ABSOLUTELY love it.

This world is so beautiful, so compassionate, that I can hardly ponder as to why I wished to
leave. So, I know you’re wondering, why the change of heart?

I’ll tell you; Remus Lupin.

After detention, I was so frustrated at Potter, who coincidentally stared at me the entire time,
I ran into Remus in the halls. He’s always been a good friend, has always been someone to talk to.
So, the two of us went walking around the lake. He must have sensed that something was bothering
me. I was distraught. Upset. On the verge of tears. Plus, well, I was extremely confused as to
whether I should keep the will or not. When I explained the mess (well, part of it. I kept the
Potter bit out), he gave me this goofy sort of smile. And you know what he did? He kissed me.

I, Lily Evans, have been kissed. And no, it was no by my cat. Or a blind person.

And you know what? It was incredible. Filled with as much cliché as any girl should hope for.
Thank you Merlin for the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, and the experienced lips I now
adorn.

I never even knew Remus Lupin thought of me that way. James Potter who? Yes, that’s right,
Potter no longer bothers me. I’ve had something happen to me that was good. A surprising, but
pleasant change for once.

Wait until I tell Holly about this. Oh, she will be so jealous.

The snog queen herself,
Lily Evans

**A/N: Didn’t have as much time to write as I’d hoped for. Please review.**



9. Grinning Prats
-----------------

**Lily**

**Chapter 9-Grinning Prats**

Lily Evans, scarlet woman extraordinaire. I am young, gorgeous (alright, I won’t get carried
away here. A girl can dream though), carefree (again, an exaggeration), and awaiting another
excellent snog from a Mr. Remus Lupin. Yet, for some reason, he hasn’t really shown any inclination
to lead me into a romantic, secluded broom closet.

Boys, odd creatures if you ask me. I mean, how do you just kiss a girl one day and not the next?
Kissing is an addiction that merely needs to be fed every couple of hours. It’s been a week and
well, he still hasn’t carried me away for a proper make-out fest.

Good gosh, I sound like Black, the womanator himself. He’s obsessed with snogging and that, my
friend, is not an exaggeration. I always pitied him for that incurable disease he seemed to
develop, but now I’m suffering from the love bug as well.

I mean, before he kissed me, I guess I never really looked at Remus any differently than any
other male at this school. He wasn’t ugly, by any means, but I was never really attracted to him.
Yet, he’s shown me the light. I’ve been having to occupy my time waiting for him in odd ways.

**Conventional Activities Used To Avoid Desperation**
Blame Lupin

*1) Knitting--I’ve developed quite a knack if I do say so myself. Yarn isn’t hard to come by
these days and it’s extremely practical. I made Jules a lovely sweater, but well, she tore it to
shreds. Had myself a good cry over that.*

*2) Gymnastics--Yes, I’m sure I do look fairly odd attempting to do a cartwheel down on the
grounds, but see what boys do to your brain? I know for a fact that I’m a lousy athlete and am not
flexible in the least. But, I still go out and try. If I had any sense at all, I would stick to the
knitting.*

*3) Quidditch--I tried flying and well, the end result was not darling. I fell on my head.
Madam Pomfrey nearly slapped me across the face. She said, in her exact words, ‘**You** of all
people should know not to fly’. What she really meant to say was, ‘Merlin, Evans, why do you have
to be so bloody uncoordinated?’ She was a bit peeved that I interrupted her daily soap
opera.*

*4) Straightening My Hair--Didn’t work. At all. But I did manage to receive a large burn on my
neck, which in turn led people to start hickey rumors about me and Snape. Apparently, we like it
rough.*

However, as much as I try, it all leads back to me wanting a boyfriend. A snog. A friend.
Someone to complain to. I want someone who will find pleasure in my small idiosyncrasies, my
irritating quirks. Is that so much to ask?

***

In detention with Potter and Snape. Lovely company, let me tell you. Potter keeps trying to read
this diary. I think he might have seen some of what I wrote before. It’s a bit odd, him seeing my
personal thoughts. I hardly imagine anyone would even understand what I was rambling about if they
did read it. Now that I think about it, I’m a bit whiney. Oh, that bastard. He’s smirking a bit.
Why is he smirking? What should he be happy about? Maybe he’s got gas.

***

After detention, Potter and me headed back to the Gryffindor Tower and he was still grinning
like a madman. It was irritating and a bit creepy. I mean, he was just smiling. Smiling for no
apparent reason.

Finally, after a few minutes of silence and incessant grinning, I asked him in my most irritated
tone, “What?!”

He just chuckled a bit, putting his hands into the pockets of his robes. What a skinny jackass.
Yes, that’s what I said. I’m Lily and this is my diary. I can swear my blasted head off if I
want.

“I saw what you wrote,” he told me coyly.

*Damn.*

I could feel my face literally heating up, not really in anger, but in embarrassment. This diary
is a place for my thoughts and my thoughts alone. It’s not meant for prying eyes. I write some
fairly demented stuff, if you ask me.

Plus, this was Remus Lupin we’re talking about. Remus Lupin, as in Potter’s best friend.

“And what did you think about it?” I inquired, somewhat curious and a bit afraid of why he was
reacting so shockingly.

“Well, I’m just kind of glad that you’re lightening up,” he confessed. “And well, I know Sirius
told you about--well, me liking you.”

With a wink, he strode off, and if mine eyes did not deceive me, skipping in the air a bit.

And then it hit me. He thought I liked him. He thought I actually was interested in him. I must
say, I’ve never had a better laugh in my life. Me and Potter? Least compatible people in the entire
world. Plus, his head is heavier than Hagrid.

***

Finally, with so much on my mind and so many confusions, I dragged Remus Lupin out onto the
grounds for a walk. He didn’t seem all too surprised or irritated about it at all. He merely walked
with me, as a friend would.

“So, what’s this all about, Lily?” he inquired quietly.

Boys are so dumb. Do you they honestly go around serial snogging? If they do, let me say that’s
sick and I’m a bit worried about mono.

“Remus, why did you do--what you did--last week?” I asked him, not really wanting to spell it
out, although I seem to have no problem writing it all down here.

“You mean when I kissed you?” he responded casually.

No, when you walked around in your underwear and dove into the lake screaming, “Beard of
Merlin!” Of course when you kissed me, you blasted fool.

Instead of that simply oh-so-witty remark, I merely nodded. Didn’t want to scare the poor fool
off, now did I? I wanted some answers!

“Well, you seemed sad,” he told me. “And I thought that maybe I could cheer you up. You’re a
good friend, Lily, and you don’t deserve to be treated unfairly. It just seemed like a good
moment.”

If that was the answer I was expecting, well I must not have shown it.

“Did you think I had a ‘thing’ for you?” he asked politely. Again, I nodded in embarrassment.
“Sorry, Lily, but well, you’re just a friend and I don’t really feel that way about you. I’m sure
that somewhere out there, a boy’s just dying to go out with you. Don’t give up all your hope on
me.”

Of course he was probably talking about Potter.

“Don’t mention this to James,” he told me, knowing that if he asked, I’d keep any secret he had.
I think I liked the fact that only he and I would know who my first kiss was. “He probably wouldn’t
understand.”

“As if I talk to Potter about anything more than necessary,” I insisted bitterly, his wicked
smile still flashing in and out of my mind.

My red hair was flowing in the breeze, becoming more frizzy than ever before. I sighed.
Honestly, what was the point of all that hair anyways? Why couldn’t I have been born bald? Then,
maybe perhaps I wouldn’t boy problems or hair problems.

“Yes, I know, he can be a bit of a prat,” Remus said, laughing and scratching his head
warily.

“Then why’re you friends with him?” I asked, probably a bit more nosily than I had intended.
Could he really blame me for wondering? Potter is seemingly the least likeable person in the entire
school and well, he was popular. It was ironic, really.

“Because,” he told me. “He’s the only person who has truly shown me loyalty.”

Gah! Remus Lupin and his vague, mysterious answers. He didn’t elaborate at all. Can you believe
that? Leaving me hanging. Psh, lunatic. My snogs must have sent him out of his mind. What a great
thing to know. ‘Lily, you kiss so horrible, boys would rather lose all mentality whatsoever if it
meant forgetting’

I want my Mummy.

***

Well, after telling Holly all about the James Potter and Remus Lupin situation (which she found
extremely fascinating), she gave me the best advice she can.

“Move on.”

Thanks so much, Miss I-Think-All-Gryffindor-Boys-Are-Charming.

But, surprisingly, I’ve decided to act somewhat *along* those lines. I’m going to make
people think I’ve moved on. Maybe, eventually, the boy I choose could become Mr. Right. But who to
pick? Who to pick?

Well, let me start with who NOT to pick.

Not It

*James Potter---Prat and a half.
Sirius Black--A walking disease.
Severus Snape--Lord of the Hiss (still a bit confused about that)
Jules--She’s my cat. Inappropriate on several levels.
Remus Lupin--Platonic, sadly.
Hagrid--Illegal and just WRONG.
Rabastan Lestrange--Avada Kedavra doesn’t make me swoon.*

*Who’s Left?*

*Peter Pettigrew--Hasn’t ever given me a problem. Not really a believable choice, seeing as he
has this sort of twitch that bothers me.
Amos Diggory--Holly would absolutely kill me. She’s been in love with him since second year.
Frank Longbottom--Hm, I don’t think I even know him.
Logan Johnson--Perfect. We have a winner.*

So, now if I’m going to be obsessed with this boy, I’ve got to write about him day and night.
Please forgive me if I start incessantly babbling on about Logan’s socks or something. It probably
means I’m in the public eye.

Oh, damn, he’s leaving the common room. I better go follow him. Be stealth, Lily, stealth.

New to the stalker scene,

Lily Evans

**A/N: Please review.**