Love and Anger

A/N: In introduction, and to anyone who has read and commented positively on my previous stories, this is my first Lily/James. I intend to concentrate more on it than I did on "Cabin Fever and Rock Gigs", which bottomed out fairly quickly! My exams- the ones which impeded it’s progress- went terribly, and I’m repeating the year… On the bright side of this, though, I’ll have much more time this year and this will have fairly regular updates.

The song lyrics below are by Kate Bush. From the album ‘The Sensual World’. Read them first, if you will- I really think they fit this story and of course I think that a soundtrack really enhances a drama. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I am not Jo Rowling- Rather, I am one of the infamous ‘delusional’… It might take me a while to forgive that! Ah, no- she’s still my idol!

LOVE AND ANGER

Love and Anger

It lay buried here, it lay deep inside me

It’s so deep I don’t think that I can speak about it.

It could take me all my life

But it would only take a moment to

Tell you what I’m feeling

But I don’t know if I’m ready yet.

You come walking into this room

Like you’re walking into my arms

And what would I do without you?

Take away the love and the anger

And a little piece of hope holding us together

Looking for a moment that’ll never happen

Living in the gap between past and future

Take away the stone and the timber

And a little piece of rope won’t hold it together

If you can’t tell your sister

If you can’t tell a priest

‘Cause it’s so deep you don’t think that you can

Speak about it to anyone………

Can you tell it to your heart?

Can you find it in your heart to let go of these feelings?

Like a bell to a southerly wind

We could be like two strings beating

Speaking in sympathy………

What would we do without you?

Two strings speak in sympathy.

We’re building a house of the future together

What would I do without you?

Well, if it’s so deep you don’t think you can speak about it

Just remember to reach out and touch the past and the future.

Well, if it’s so deep you don’t think you can speak about it

Don’t ever think that you can’t change the past and the future.

You might not think so now

But just you wait and see- someone will come to help you.

Prologue

‘Lily?’

‘Mmmm?’

‘Can I borrow your blue bag?’

‘If you want’, Lily called from the dorm bathroom, where she was readying her hair. ‘Does it match?’

‘Erm… Yeah…?’

Lily strolled out of the bathroom and over to the group of girls who were hastily finishing their makeup and fixing their new dress robes. They looked up at her as she approached and smiled.

Lily turned to Paige, who stood on front of the full-length mirror holding Lily’s blue evening bag. Paige was wearing satin robes of twilight blue, cut in the modern formal fashion. She held the bag in her left hand, at chest height and in front of her. It was a noticeably different shade than her robes.

Lily smiled and took the bag from Paige. She waved her wand above it while she focused on the colour of Paige’s skirts. The bag’s colour changed slowly and almost imperceptibly until it matched perfectly. Lily handed it back to Paige and took in the effect of her outfit.

‘You’ll stun him, Paige’.

Paige smiled with watery eyes and threw herself at Lily, wrapping her arms around Lily’s neck.

‘Thanks Lily’.

Lily pulled back, but took Paige’s hands in hers. She shook them slightly.

‘Paige, get a grip’, she said softly, smiling. ‘Don’t be so nervous’.

The other girls giggled affectionately.

Paige moved to the dresser and took out her makeup from a drawer with shaking hands. Millie, a pretty girl with dark blonde hair sighed with a smile and offered to do Paige’s makeup for her.

Lily watched as they all rallied around Paige and smiled very slightly. They were all rather fond of their anxious friend who was just about to experience her first date.

Lily now stood in front of the long mirror, not really hearing the excited sounds from the dresser. She stared into her own eyes, though not really seeing. Not really thinking. Not really feeling. She felt a hand on her shoulder but she didn’t jump. Her best friend, Charlotte, stood slightly behind her, looking through the mirror into Lily’s eyes.

‘Maybe you should have accepted one of them, Lily’, she said, very quietly, while the others flitted around Paige.

Lily studied Charlotte for a second. In her deep red dress and with her dark brown hair she looked very beautiful. But her face was drawn with concern and her bottom lip was between her teeth as she waited for Lily to respond.

Lily had, in the run-up to this ball, been asked to accompany many young men, some of whom any other girl would not have hesitated to accept. Lily was not ugly, she knew. She was tall enough and with a good figure. Nor was she bad company. She had many friends; more than most. And then Charlotte, who was more like a sister to her than Petunia had ever been.

Lily stared once more at her reflection. She wore an unusual dress. It could hardly be classified as robes. It was made of chiffon of mottled greens; like a forest. The waist was high; just below the bust- empire line, and defined with a ribbon of dark green. The sleeves were short and flowing- waterfall sleeves. Under the chiffon of her skirts was silk of the same dark green as her ribbon, and Lily had a shawl of the same material. She knew she would stand out, but that was not why she wore it.

Lily’s mother, a dressmaker, had spent what must have been a week’s wages on the material for this dress and had been working on it since Christmas. She wasn’t to know that robes were the preferred formal wear for witches, though Lily supposed this was and old enough style to pass off as robe-like.

Charlotte gave Lily a tight one-armed hug around the shoulder and rested her head against Lily’s.

‘You look so sad, Lily. If you want a date, you know they’ll jump at the chance’.

‘I don’t, Lottie’. She continued to stare into her own eyes.

‘Then what’s wrong?’

Lily stepped back from the mirror and gave herself a small shake.

‘Nothing’, she gave a small smile, and it was genuine. ‘Just going home tomorrow and everything… You know how I get. I love this place’.

Charlotte smiled back. ‘Not to worry, Lily. Back next year, eh?! And we’ll be seventh-years! And you, my friend, will be Head Girl’.

Lily laughed softly. ‘Don’t be daft, Lottie’.

She looked over at the dresser when the excited squeaks from over there increased in pitch. She lifted her silk shawl off the bed and walked over to the assembled girls with Lottie.

‘All set?’

Millie nodded when Paige didn’t. ‘You look hot as hell, Lily’, she said, smiling. Lily blushed slightly. The other girls nodded in agreement, even Paige. Lorna, the other girl in the sixth-year said, ‘I love your hair. Are they real?’ She was referring to the small white flowers that dotted Lily’s upswept deep auburn hair. ‘You know, you look like a Dryad!’

Lily cast her eyes down self-deprecatingly.

The girls laughed. ‘You are shit at taking compliments, Lily’, laughed Millie.

They stepped out the dorm room door and the room was almost empty. The Ball had started twenty minutes ago. Millie and Lottie met their Gryffindor dates Lucas and John-Paul in the common room. The boys complimented them all on their appearances, paying particular attention to their dates after Millie elbowed Lucas playfully for "Looking at Lily too long".

Laughing and joking, they made their way to the Great Hall. The girls gaped (rather unattractively, joked John-Paul) at the decoration of the Great Hall. It had been decorated like an enchanted fairy-tale forest with fairies and everything. Lily smiled slightly and warmly when the others in her group looked at her. Maybe she had an advantage here after all, in the dress department.

‘You sly thing you!’ squealed Lorna, smiling widely for the party atmosphere.

‘I didn’t have a clue!’ laughed Lily, then added pseudo-mysteriously, ‘The gods smile down upon me. It must’ve been that goat I sacrificed last Tuesday’.

The others cracked up laughing; Lucas and John-Paul so hard they cried.

Lily smiled widely at them. Just then, Paige was approached by a stuttering Hufflepuff, who announced after a pause that she looked very nice and would she like to dance. Paige’s nerves seemed to disappear at the sight of Mark’s. Lily bade Charlotte and Millie have a good time, with a wink, and walked with Lorna, who was also dateless as her Ravenclaw boyfriend had the flu, to the drinks table, which was where the teachers’ table usually stood.

Neither girl was unaware of the attention that their party had received at the doors, particularly when Lily made the joke, and many stares followed them to the other side of the room. Where on earth was Lily Evans’ date? Those who knew Lorna knew her predicament. However, Lily Evans…

Lily and Lorna picked up a glass of punch each, and clinked them together.

‘To gossip!’, said Lorna, tipping her head slightly to indicate the crowd, which was behind Lily.

Lily laughed. ‘And to the end of another year’.

They took a drink, and suddenly Lorna smiled widely at Lily.

‘Let the games begin’, she said, and walked off.

Lily was stunned, and stared at Lorna’s retreating back confusedly.

Then a tap on her shoulder woke her from her reverie and she turned around. There before her stood about twenty young men, many having left dates behind.

‘Lily, you’re on your own?’

‘Lily, want to dance?’

‘Hey Lily, fancy meeting you here!’

‘Lily, will you dance with me, please!’

Lily was just about to run screaming from the party when another face caught her attention, looking mockingly desperate. Remus. She smiled widely, relieved beyond measure.

Remus stepped forward and grabbed her hand.

‘Lily, you said you’d dance with me first’. His voice was desperately petulant, but Lily could see the laughter in his eyes, and barely held her sympathising expression in place and she said to the others, ‘Sorry, I did promise’.

They heaved with silent laughter as they made their way to the dance floor. A fast-ish song was playing. A modern muggle one which Lily knew well. As they began to dance, Lily said, ‘my hero!’ in a swooning voice. Remus laughed. ‘You know me. Always the gallant knight.’

‘And modest too’.

‘You think so?’

‘No. Well, not this time of the month. You’re Don Juan this time of the month usually’.

‘Ouch!’

They laughed, ignoring the stares they were attracting, until Lily couldn’t take it anymore. She sighed dejectedly.

‘Maybe I should go, Remus. This is getting ridiculous. I mean, what is so strange about a girl going to a Ball alone? What? Do you think I’m weird? Is it so-’

‘You’re rambling’.

‘Sorry’.

‘Look’, said Remus, uncomfortably, ‘It’s not weird. At least not normally. But everyone knows how many invitations you got. Why didn’t you take one?’

‘I didn’t want… I wanted to show them that I didn’t need an escort. A man… boy…whatever.’

‘You know, Matthew deserves to burn for what he did to you’, Remus said softly.

Lily looked up, then down again. She didn’t want to think about Matt, or Claire or the rumours that still dogged her. Remus ploughed on.

‘James had to be physically restrained from carrying that punishment out’.

‘Hah hah’.

Remus shook his head. ‘I’m serious Lily’. And he was. ‘James asked you to came with him tonight. Why didn’t you accept?’

‘I didn’t accept anyone; I wasn’t singling him out’.

Lily realised that at some point the song had changed and that now they almost stood still together, swaying to the slow music.

‘Why do you hate him, Lily?’

‘You know I don’t hate him’.

‘Then why won’t you prove it? Give him a chance’.

Lily looked up and caught a glimpse of James over Remus’ shoulder. He glanced up at that moment, scowling at her and Remus’ close dancing. But when he saw she was looking at him, a strange expression flitted like wind over his face, and when it was gone a small innocent smile played the corners of his mouth. He looked down again, resuming his conversation with Sirius and Peter.

‘I don’t hate him, Remus’, she whispered. She cleared her throat. ‘Can we just drop the subject?’

‘All right. You’re a very good dancer, Lily. You put me to shame’.

Lily snorted. ‘Hardly’.

Remus swung her around in a circle in a complicated dance move. ‘See, not many girls would still be standing after that’. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Lily laughed. ‘Okay, enough innuendo for one night, Fido’.

Remus put a hand to his chest in mock outrage. ‘Fido???’

‘Snoopy’.

‘I don’t snoop’.

‘Snowy’.

‘I’m brown’.

‘Toto’.

‘I’m much larger than Toto’.

‘Scooby’.

‘Hah hah’.

‘Oo ooh I got one! Mighty-Mutt!’

Remus puffed up his chest proudly. ‘Mighty-Mutt it is, then’.

‘You know, as much as I’d like to’, said Lily, ‘I can’t dance with you all night. People will talk… More’.

‘Well, it just so happens, I’ve got a job for you tonight.’

Lily raised an eyebrow.

‘Not that kind of job’.

‘Awww, shame’.

Remus laughed, then became serious again. ‘Please listen and don’t storm off’.

Lily looked hurt. ‘I never storm off’.

‘I give you that. You don’t, I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to say no to this too quickly’.

‘Spit it out’.

‘All right. Will you please teach James and Sirius to dance?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘Look’, he said quietly. ‘They’re appalling. Their dates left them after ten minutes. And they said that was why. And you’re so good. And you said you didn’t hate James. Will you do it?’

‘Did they ask to learn how to dance?’

‘Yes!’ said Remus emphatically, relieved that Lily hadn’t already dismissed the idea out of hand. ‘Only, they wanted me to teach them, and I just have more self respect than that’.

‘And I don’t?’ But she was grinning. What harm could befall her? And wouldn’t it keep her out of trouble for the night?

‘All right’, she said after a second. ‘If you’re sure they want it’.

‘I’m sure’, said Remus, as they stopped dancing and wended their way though the crowd to the boys.

The three looked up as they saw Remus approach and all did a double-take when they saw he was with Lily.

They stood awkwardly for a minute, and Lily mentally cursed Remus for not saying a thing.

‘Hi’, she said awkwardly. She elbowed Remus and through the corner of her eye saw James glare at them both.

Remus looked at the other boys oddly. ‘You know Lily, right?’

Lily smiled at them and they relaxed slightly, smiling back.

‘Sit down’, Sirius said smoothly, gesturing to the couches that they had somehow reserved.

‘Thanks’. She sat down, and the others followed suit.

‘Oh’, said Remus after a second. ‘You need another drink. Right back’. He jumped up and made his way over to the drinks table by the other wall and Lily was left in silence again with James, Sirius and Peter.

‘So’, she said. ‘Remus said you needed some dancing lessons’.

‘He what?’ asked Sirius, looking uneasy.

‘Well, don’t you? Or is there another reason your dates deserted you?’

‘They didn’t desert us’, mumbled Sirius.

‘No’, said Remus, handing Lily her glass. ‘You got bored of them after ten minutes and told them to go away’.

To Lily’s surprise, They laughed at that.

‘Okay okay’, said James. ‘I’m a shit dancer. Granted. But Mary stormed off because I commented on Evans’ dress thing’.

‘Really?’, chorused the rest of them, including Lily.

‘Yeah’, said James disbelievingly.

‘Imagine’, said Remus dryly. ‘And I presume you also commented on her attire, hmmm?’

James looked awkward. ‘Erm…’

Lily giggled at that and the boys, excluding Remus, glanced at her strangely, never having heard the sound in their presence before.

‘Potter’, she said after a second. ‘For a man-whore you are extremely dense when it comes to women’.

James gaped at her. Sirius and Peter exploded with laughter.

‘She’s right you know’, said Remus smugly.

Lily glared at Remus mockingly. ‘I’d watch it, Lassie, you’re not so knowledgeable yourself, with all your sexual innuendo’.

Remus, having just taken a gulp of his drink sprayed it everywhere in his laughter, narrowly missing Peter and James. The group went silent.

‘What’s Lassie?’. Asked Peter.

‘Lily said sexual’, guffawed Sirius.

James looked between Lily and Remus.

‘You know’, he said quietly.

Lily stared back silently and saw emotions again float over his face before he returned to normal. For a second there she was sure he had looked… hurt.

‘I told her’, said Remus nonchalantly. ‘But she already knew’.

The group grew silent again, and Sirius and Remus shared a look briefly.

One of Lily’s favourite songs began to play, and she suddenly remembered why she was there, sitting on a couch between Sirius Black and James Potter and feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

‘I love this song’, she said brightly after a second. ‘Who’s first?’

Sirius smiled at her with a knowing glint in his eye that made her nervous. ‘I think James’, he said. ‘I’m so bad I’d probably injure you before he got his turn’.

‘Ahhh’, said Lily wisely. ‘So what you’re saying is that I should teach James before you cripple me irreversibly’.

‘Yip’.

‘Well’, Lily said, her hand splayed on her chest with mock sincerity. ‘At least I will have done the female population of Hogwarts a service’.

‘Not so, Lily’, said Remus with a sly smile. ‘You’d be doing them a service if you took that scoundrel of a "man-whore" Potter out of circulation’.

Lily looked at James who actually blushed.

‘Get a grip James’, she said jokingly. ‘I could have sued you a dozen times over for sexual harassment already and you blush at that?’

‘Lily said sexual’.

Lily turned to Sirius as she rose from the couch. His eyes were fixed to her chest, where she had laid her hand on that very low neckline moments before.

‘You know, I think I’ll just teach James to dance and he can pass it on to you’.

He looked up, confused.

‘You’re going to get slapped, Black.’

‘Oh yes please’.

‘You give men a bad name’

‘But I give women a good time’

‘You’re not going to win, Evans’, James butted in.

‘All right’, she smirked slightly and held her hand out to James on the couch. ‘But just so you know’, she said to Sirius, who was looking smug. ‘You didn’t give Wendy Richards too good a time, apparently’.

Lily felt James grasp her hand. His own was large and rough. She looked back to James while Sirius gulped silently. She pulled slightly on James’ hand and he rose from the couch. As they walked to the dancefloor, she saw Sirius launch into conversation with Remus and caught the words ‘Do you think she was telling the truth?’

She and James stopped by the edge of the floor, where not many people were. Lily looked up at James. He was around Six foot two to her Five nine. His hair was messed as usual, and he kept running his hand through it.

‘You look nervous’, said Lily after a second. ‘Are you that bad? Should I be nervous too?’ she joked.

He smiled slightly. ‘Come, on. Your song’s almost over. What should I do?’

Lily took both of his hands in hers. She led one to her hip and held the other. James went to hold it far out and high.

‘No, hold my hand here’. She brought their hands in towards them.

‘Oh. Sorry’.

‘No, don’t apologise. Right. Now, time to dance. First, listen to the beat.’ Her hand was on his shoulder and she tapped lightly in time.

‘Right. Now to the right, to the left, right, left…’

Lily nudged his shoulder and squeezed his hand slightly to show him where to go. ‘Now, forward, right, back…’

James began to get the hang of it very quickly. He looked like he was concentrating very hard. Lily giggled at that.

‘What?’ he asked, perplexed and still trying to concentrate.

‘Nothing! You just look so serious. Just try and relax. You’re the guy here. You’re supposed to take control. So, when you feel you can, you steer me around, all right?’

‘Okay. Sorry.’

Lily sighed with exasperation. ‘Don’t apologise! You’re doing really well. Just try not to look so constipated. People are already interested enough’

‘I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me’

‘What, that you look constipated? I know I can be a bitch but that’s harsh’.

‘No, that I’m doing really well. And you’re not a bitch. You just hate me a bit’.

Lily looked at him. ‘I don’t hate you James. I told Remus as much when he also accused me of hating you’.

James smiled slightly, then frowned. ‘What’s going on with you and Remus?’

‘Going on? You mean-? Nothing! God, James, I know he can be a bit of a Casanova this time if the month but really! I don’t respond to that. As you might have noticed.’

‘Oh’, he said. ‘I didn’t mean to…’ He looked awkward, but very relieved and Lily smiled slightly as she noticed that he was leading her around their space. In a halting and uneven gait, but none the less…

‘See, you’re leading’, said Lily. ‘You just need not to concentrate on it’.

‘Oh… Well, that should be easy’, he said lightly. ‘My attention span is like… What was I saying?’

Lily laughed. This wasn’t so bad, she mused. She didn’t hate James. She hadn’t been lying to either him or Remus. And she had most definitely hated being on bad terms with him, and consequently Sirius and Peter. Lily couldn’t stand open hostility, though as a muggleborn in this day and age she encountered it enough. And then there was home… But she didn’t want to think about that yet.

‘Thanks for sticking up for me with Matt’

At James’ discomfort she added. ‘Remus told me, around the same time he was telling me not to hate you’.

James tensed. ‘So what, you like me know because I almost beat that fuckwit to a pulp, is that it?’

He was very angry, and Lily was confused and unnerved. ‘No!’ she said quietly. They had stopped dancing. ‘I just… wanted to thank you. Why are you angry?’

‘Because you didn’t stick up for yourself! Fuck, Lily! He stood there and yelled for the whole school to hear, and you just walked away’.

‘Look, if you think that is the reason why I’m being civil, you can just forget about this. We can go back to the old situation.’

‘No’. He began to dance again, as people were looking at them. ‘He said the most… disgusting things, Evans.’

‘I do know that. They weren’t true. I caught him with Claire. On my birthday. Because I wouldn’t sleep with him. So you see, what he said can’t be true. I never went near him’. She looked up into James’ eyes. ‘I am not a slut’.

James was staring open-mouthed at her. ‘Your birthday?’

Lily nodded. James’ mouth set in a tight line.

‘All lies?’ His voice was rising. He’d stopped dancing again and Lily nodded at him.

‘Right’. He let her go. People everywhere had stopped. Charlotte and John-Paul approached and Lottie raised an eyebrow in question as she looked between Lily and James. John-Paul edged in between Lily and James, and Lily finally understood that everyone thought that she and James were simply fighting again. Sirius stepped up beside James, and looked to him.

‘Matthew Broderick’, said James in a voice as cold as ice. ‘Right now’.

Sirius seemed to understand in a second. They both turned to see that the crowd around Matt had dispersed. They walked over to him and James was on him in a second. Lily barely had time to see the scathing look Matt sent her way in the second that he comprehended what was going to happen. But James did.

Though Lily was yards away, she could hear the sickening slap as James’ fist found Matt’s cheek. She heard a girl screaming for them to stop, and the screams stopped abruptly as she realised it was herself. James looked up at her then and saw Lily’s eyes widen just as he felt a sudden pain in his abdomen. Matt’s knee had found a target.

James was on his knees gasping. But Matt’s punches didn’t let up. Lily found herself beside James pleading with Matt to stop. For a second he looked at her.

‘Fucking him now, are you?’ His eyes were cold and his face lined with fury. Lily wondered now what had ever made her attracted to him. This violent, jealous man. Vicious. Controlling. Unfeeling. Her father.

He swung for James again and though Sirius made to intercept, he was two slow. Lily was closer. She pushed James to the side and a split second later felt a sharp pain in her chest. Matt’s fist had collided with her ribs. She fell to her knees, gasping as breathing became more difficult. As the world swam before her, she saw Matt’s cold face glance at her. Unforgiving. And Sirius’ rage filled one. Lottie’s face. Remus’. James’. A short cry. Matt’s knees hit the ground.

Funny, she’d always though she was safe here.

Then, black.

Lily woke with a shuddering breath in the hospital wing. She felt as if she been underwater. Her body was arched and she gulped as much air as she could, regardless of the dull twinge in her side.

She sat up quickly, looking around her. At her bedside were Lottie, Millie, Lorna and Paige, along with Remus, John-Paul and Lucas. Professor McGonagall stood near the end of the bed, looking extremely relieved. The girls’ faces were tear-stained and Charlotte had fingernail marks on her cheeks. The boys were pale and Remus was shaking.

Lily was breathing heavily still, and breathlessly whispered, ‘I’m fine. Get a grip everyone’. Lottie threw her arms around Lily’s neck and squeezed her tight. When she was done, Remus put an arm around her and kissed her cheek briefly. Professor McGonagall explained shakily that Lily had suffered a collapsed lung and been unable to breathe properly for a few minutes.

‘Are Potter and Matt all right?’ Lily asked her after she finished.

‘Potter, yes’, she said. ‘Broderick…’ her nostrils flared. ‘Well, we shall see. He and the Headmaster are discussing his… future prospects… at present’. Her mouth curved into a cruel smile, before softening as she looked at Lily. ‘Enough heroics, I think, miss Evans’.

‘Yes Professor’, said Lily, and the assembled crowd tittered. Lily suddenly remembered something. ‘Is Sirius all right, by the way’, she asked as she swung her legs off the bed.

‘Right as rain’, said Sirius as he approached her bed to stand beside Remus. ‘Bloody hell, Lily, you put on some fucking show!’

‘Mr. Black’, droned Professor McGonagall tiredly as she walked away.

‘Apologies’, yelled Sirius after her. He turned back to Lily. ‘Well…’

‘Yeah, I know’, replied Lily sorrowfully. ‘I’ll never tell him anything personal ever again. I know, Sirius.’

‘What are you talking about?’ asked Sirius absently, then looked at the others. ‘Did you see the way she took that punch?’

They nodded proudly.

‘You are one tough bird, Lily Evans. That would have had me laid out’.

‘It did have me laid out’.

‘Yeah, but you’re a girl’.

‘Noticed, did you?’ Lily smirked.

Sirius caught her meaning. ‘Oh yeah’, he looked around sheepishly and back to Lily. ‘Sorry for staring at your tits for such a ridiculously long length of time’.

Laughter exploded from the assembled group. Lily laughed with them, getting to her feet. ‘That’s quite all right’.

As they made their way towards the hospital doors, Lily took Sirius and Remus by the arms. She called to the others to carry on and that she would get to the common room later. Just as she turned back to the beds, Madame Pomfrey appeared from behind a curtain.

‘Lily Evans’, she roared in outrage. ‘What in Merlin’s name are you doing out of bed? You have a collapsed lung, you silly girl!’

‘Madame Pomfrey, I’m fine. I feel all right and I can’t stay here anymore’.

‘You must rest! You need constant observation, and you will get back in that bed immediately!’

Lily began to shake, memories of pain, blood… black… then white… white sheets…

‘I hate hospitals’, she said quietly. ‘I swear I’ll rest in the common room.

‘We’ll make sure of it’, said Remus seriously looking Madame Pomfrey in the eye. Of course, thought Lily. If anyone knew that woman, it was Remus, with his werewolf thing.

‘All right’, responded Madame Pomfrey kindly. ‘All right’. She walked off into her office.

Lily turned to Sirius and Remus, then looked at the curtained beds in the ward. ‘Which one is James in?’

‘This one’, croaked a voice from behind the nearest curtain.

The three walked up to it and Remus held the curtain open for Lily.

Peter had left, Lily distantly registered. She gasped when she saw James. One side of his face was swollen and red, and a bruise was blossoming under his eye. He smiled weakly.

‘This is nothing’, he croaked. ‘You should see the other guy’.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, Sirius avenged me’.

‘And you’, said Sirius to Lily.

‘Thank you’, said Lily to Sirius, then turned to James. ‘You too. I’m sorry you got hurt because of me’.

‘Ditto’, he frowned slightly. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Yeah’, replied Lily, consumed with guilt that she was indeed all right and James was in bed, battered and bruised. ‘Just a collapsed lung from the blow’.

‘Oh God’.

‘It’s nothing’.

‘Really?’

‘Really, it’s fixed’.

‘Good’, said James. Then he looked around at Sirius and Remus and grimaced. ‘Mum is going to have a kitten when she sees this’; he pointed lethargically to his face and then his stomach, where Lily knew more bruises must have been forming.

Sirius frowned too. ‘I could write to her and tell her to expect… something. Or, to your dad. He’d calm her down’.

‘No, they’d both get worried’, replied James. ‘You know how they are now…’

Lily moved forward. ‘Is Dumbledore writing home?’

‘No’, replied James, ‘Thank God’.

‘Then’, said Lily, steeling her nerve, ‘I have an idea’.

They looked at Lily.

‘I have’, she paused, ‘a…talent’. There were raised eyebrows from the boys and she continued.

‘Your bruises’, she gestured at James. ‘I can get rid of them’.

Remus looked at her. ‘No magic can do that, Lily’.

‘Well, mine can’, she said strangely darkly. ‘I can get rid of the bruises. You’ll look fine, but you’ll still feel them.’

James gaped at her.

‘Is that what you want?’, asked Lily.

‘Please’, he said quickly. ‘Are you sure?’

Lily smiled very slightly. ‘It’s the least I can do, Potter’.

‘All right’.

‘Okay’, she glanced at Sirius and Remus and back to James. ‘Lie still. It doesn’t hurt, but it feels weird.’

James complied and closed his eyes as Lily placed her two hands over his face.

‘Relax’, she said, as much to herself as to James. She breathed in deep and concentrated. She could do this… She was definitely experienced. She closed her eyes and focused on James’ face as she knew it. She felt her hands warm up, and James let out a slow moan. It wasn’t a moan of discomfort, Lily noted distantly. As the heat was drawn from her hands, she opened her eyes and moved her hands away. James’ eyes opened and his mouth curved into a smile.

‘That felt… really nice’.

‘That’s good’, said Lily dryly. She turned to Remus and Sirius, who were gaping at her. She smirked and turned back.

‘Your stomach’, she asked nodding at James. ‘Do you need that done?’ Her energy was draining quickly with this magic, and she needed to get everything finished before she collapsed from exhaustion.

James seemed to notice this. ‘Are you up to it?’

‘Yes, if I do it now’.

‘Then, yes, please.’ He unbuttoned his shirt and exposed his chest.

Lily stared. A large purple bruise was looming under his ribcage, bigger almost than a football.

‘Holy, fucking, Christ, James’.

James gasped.

‘Are you sure that’s not internal bleeding?’

‘Actually, it was’, replied James. ‘That’s why I’ve been here so long’.

‘It’s fixed?’

‘Yeah.’

‘All right. You know the drill’. She put both hands over the bruise and they still didn’t cover it completely. She willed all the energy she had left into her hands and felt them heat up again. She heard James moan again, and this time felt the muscles under her hands clench. She ground her teeth against the wave of exhaustion that threatened to overwhelm her. She felt the heat drawn from her hands and pulled them away.

She looked down at James. His face, with its giddy smile, swam in front of her eyes. Not again, she thought, as she struggled to stay awake.

She turned to Remus and Sirius, and could only whisper, ‘Don’t tell anyone’. They nodded meekly. She turned back to James and almost screamed when she saw Professor Dumbledore at the other side of the bed. He looked at her kindly, and she knew her secret was safe. But then she saw an indefinable sadness in his eyes, and knew that he knew. He knew why she had developed this gift. She could almost see the images reflected in his penetrating blue eyes. As if he too, had experienced her pain.

He looked to Sirius and Remus and they each stepped up to take one of her arms in support, as her legs began to tremble. It was all happening too fast. Nobody was supposed to know.

Dumbledore looked down at James then, and smiled slightly. ‘For brawling, Mr. Potter, I feel compelled to take points from your house. However, for defending a lady’s honour so impressively, you will receive fifty points.’

James’ mouth opened in shock.

‘You may go, if you wish. You are quite well, thanks to Miss Evans. I doubt she realises what she has done for your… injuries’. He smiled slightly and left, with a nod to the rest. James blushed and Remus and Sirius shared knowing looks. Lily was too tired too analyse the situation.

‘Bed’, she mumbled.

The boys laughed. Before she knew it, the four of them stood outside the portrait hole. She forced her legs to hold her up and turned to the other three, and put her hand out.

‘Friends?’ She asked quietly.

Sirius took her hand and drew her into an embrace, into which the others followed.

‘The best of friends’, he said.

‘Seconded’, said James softly in her ear.

‘Thirded’, sounded Remus.

‘Turd-ed?’ joked Lily.

‘Fourthed’

‘What the fuck!’

‘Oh, Peter’, said Lily. ‘I wondered where you were.’

‘I don’t like hospitals’.

‘Me neither’

Peter looked relieved she didn’t think he was a whimp.

‘Can we let Lottie in too?’, asked Lily.

‘Yes because she’s very sexy’, replied Sirius.

‘She has a boyfriend’

‘Not for long’.

Lily looked at James. ‘You all right?’

‘They don’t hurt anymore, you know’

‘Really?’ Lily was astounded. This had never happened before. If she’d known she could take away pain as well as the evidence of it, she would have done so before…

‘Thank you’.

‘You’re welcome’.

And that is how the feud was ended. After all, there are some things you can't go through without becoming friends and getting grievously injured for one another is one of them.