It's Been A While

It's Been A While
by MischiefManaged

Summary: My little explanation of Book 6. Songfic of Staind's “It's Been A While”, Harry & Hermione finally get to meet in private for the first time in a year. While their plan worked, they paid a price. This is a short one-shot. Rated PG-13 conservatively for a bit of profanity in the song lyrics.

Disclaimer: I'm not JK Rowling or Staind, so no autographs requests please!

It's been a while

Since I could...

Hold my head up high

It's been a while

Since I first saw you

It's been a while

Since I could stand

on my own two feet again

And it's been a while

Since I could call you

It was ten before midnight and Harry excused himself from the conversation in the Gryffindor common room and headed out the portrait hole. He took one last glance at Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna as he quickly wrapped his invisibility cloak around him. It was late summer and Hogwart's reopening was still up in the air. Headmistress McGonagall had insisted that the members of the DA use Hogwarts as their temporary home and headquarters. It was eerie for the others to be in the castle without all the other students and professors around, but Harry was used to it as he had spent a couple of holidays here on his own.

The corridors were dark, but Harry knew his way around the castle with his eyes closed. He had been sneaking around the castle late at night for many years now. This was his home. His heart began beating faster, not for fear of being caught, but out of anticipation for his meeting with her. They hadn't been able to meet privately for over a year now and he wasn't sure how this would go. Would she still feel the same about him? Would she still be able to continue with the game plan?

Harry climbed up to the 7^th floor corridor and then paced three times in front of the portrait of Barnabas the Barmy to open the Room of Requirement. He slowly walked in and saw her sitting on a couch in a room that looked like Gryffindor's common room. She hadn't noticed his entrance yet and memories of the past year quickly flooded his mind. They had slowly but surely fallen in love during their fifth year at Hogwarts, but it was only when Harry looked in her eyes at the train station before he left with the Dursleys and she had said, “Real soon, we promise,” that he knew without a doubt that his heart had been captured. Instead of being able to spend the summer before their sixth year as most couples in love do, they had to spend it formulating a plan.

And everything I can remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

Consequences that I've rendered

Have stretched myself beyond my means

Hermione looked up from her place on the sofa and gave Harry a weak smile. He began to feel sick as he saw the pain in her eyes. Pain that he had put there. Of course it had been Hermione's idea to begin with, but neither of them realized what a large price they would pay. Harry had cursed himself last year when he hadn't mastered Occlumency. He knew that his feelings for Hermione would put her in greater danger and therefore they must keep their feelings a secret. Fortunately they had two of the best friends in the world, Ron and Ginny. Hermione had decided the best way to conceal their feelings would be to act as if they were involved with other people. Ron would date Hermione and Hermione would place a spell on Harry to make him infatuated with Ginny since he hadn't mastered Occlumency. The plan didn't put Ron or Ginny in any more danger since Ron was already Harry's best friend and Ginny was one of the best protected witches around. She lived at The Burrow which was extremely secure and she had 6 brothers to watch after her. Ron had once fancied Hermione in their fourth year, so it would come to no surprise that they were now dating. There was only one kink in their plan. No one expected how hard it would be for Hermione to see Harry lusting after Ginny. She began crying all the time, which was not something someone happily in love would be doing. So in order to explain her behavior, Ron “volunteered” to date Lavender in order to make everyone think Hermione was upset at him.

On the surface, their plan worked. Everyone at school really believed the illusion. But as Harry looked into Hermione's eyes just now he realized how very much the plan had failed. Hermione had suffered tremendously, not to mention his own suffering. She had cried continuously for almost a year, and when Harry's kiss with Ginny had happened, he had seen the painful smile on Hermione's face. At the time it had seemed to him or any removed observer a happy smile, but now that the spell had worn off he realized that it had been a forced smile. Without the spell, there were many moments of the past year that he now remembered with a different perspective. Each and every time he had hurt Hermione now felt like punches to his stomach.

It's been a while

But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you

He moved across the room in a trance and sat next to her. He didn't know what to say, but then again they never needed words to speak to each other. He slowly took her hand in his and all of the thoughts of Voldemort, the war, and the past year faded. He missed this smell, her smell, of parchment, ink, and amber. It had been so long since he was able to caress her porcelain face in his hand, to twirl her soft wavy hair, to touch her soft pink lips. It was his desire to be with her, if only briefly, that allowed him to master Occlumency so quickly over the last few weeks. Now they could at least have brief private meetings and he would no longer have to be under a spell to hide his true feelings.

Why must I feel this way?

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day

But then I go and fuck things up again
It's been a while

Since I've seen the way

the candles light your face

It's been a while

But I can still

remember just the way you taste

As the flickering fire threw shadows across the room, Harry couldn't take it any longer. He pulled Hermione toward him and slowly placed his lips on hers. As their lips touched for the first time in over a year, a surge of energy swept through his body until every nerve tingled. He began kissing her more passionately and his hands began exploring her body with a life of their own. He began to crave her taste with an urgency he had never known before. Being with her was the only thing that could make him forget the awful reality, the tasks that lay ahead. Tomorrow would come too soon, and he wanted to live in the moment just one last time.

It's been a while

Since I could...

Hold my head up high

It's been a while

Since I said I'm sorry

Just as Harry began to remove his shirt, Hermione pulled away. There was such conflict in her eyes and before he could stop her she began to speak. “I don't want you to misunderstand Harry. I still love you, more than ever even, but I can't take this. Being apart from you is hard enough, but to have small tastes of what things should be like just leaves me craving more. It's just too hard really. It's easier to convince myself that you don't love me. My biggest fear is that something will happen to you, and then we'll never have our chance. Perhaps we could drop the charade. Just being your best friend makes me target enough, don't you think?”

Sadly, Harry knew that he loved her too much to put her at an even greater risk. He stood from the sofa and walked to the door. “I love you too much, Hermione. I promise we'll be together someday, but right now it's not possible. I'm sorry.” And with that he walked back through the castle with a greater determination to defeat Voldemort…and as quickly as possible.

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