Harry Potter and the Half-Blood What?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood What?

By MischiefManaged

Disclaimer: I am not JK Rowling but I am borrowing a bit of text from the Order of the Phoenix…it will be in quotes & italics.

A/N & Summary: This is what I call “Half-blood Prince, Dallas style”. For those of you who did not grow up in the 80s (a kick-ass decade if I do say so myself), here's a quick synopsis: Dallas was a popular TV show. One of the main actors decided to leave the show so they killed his character off. When he decided to return a year later they “remedied” the situation by making that entire season a dream. So, without further ado, here is my first attempt at a mainly humorous fanfic. Also, I had no beta for this one, so please be kind.

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“ `Harry, we'll have you away from there as soon as we can,' Mrs. Weasley whispered, hugging him again.

`We'll see you soon, mate,' said Ron anxiously, shaking Harry's hand.

`Really soon, Harry,' said Hermione earnestly. `We promise.'

Harry nodded. He somehow could not find words to tell them what it meant to him, to see them all ranged there, on his side. Instead he smiled, raised a hand in farewell, turned around, and led the way out of the station toward the sunlit street, with Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley hurrying along in his wake.”

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Insert entire text of Half-Blood Prince here (mentally that is, don't cut and paste )

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Harry rolled over and struggled to open his heavy eyelids. His eventual success made him wish they were closed again. He peered up at the bars on the window only to remember where he was. He was once again back at the Dursley's. Well, at least it's for the last time, he thought.

Finding it hard to move, he struggled to sit up at the edge of the bed. He felt like he had been sleeping for days. There was no point in wasting any more time, if he didn't get a shower before Dudley awoke chances are he wouldn't get one at all. He gathered up a few of his toiletries and headed to the loo.

Oddly enough Dudley was already in the shower. Never in all of his years living with him had Harry known Dudley to wake before 8am. He decided to at least brush his teeth before heading back to his room. Harry had just stuck the brush in his mouth when a head popped out from behind the shower curtain causing Harry to spit toothpaste all over the mirror.

“Morning, Harry,” Hermione greeted him cheerfully.

“What the bloody hell…,” Harry began, “Hermione, uh, what are you doing here and in the shower no less?”

“We told you at King's Cross that we'd see you really soon. We actually arrived last night but you were already asleep and we didn't want to wake you. I had to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs last night and Ron slept on the sofa. I can't believe how filthy I got just from sleeping there, so anyways I decided to take a quick shower this morning.”

“Ron's here too?” Harry asked in amazement.

“He was, but he had to leave early this morning to help his mom out at the Burrow,” she replied.

“Wedding preparations most likely,” Harry commented.

“And what wedding would you be referring to?” Hermione looked puzzled.

“Bill and Fleur's wedding of course.”

“Bill and Fleur? Where on earth would you get that idea?”

Suddenly Harry got a very “Twilight Zone” type feeling in the pit of his stomach. It didn't last long however as Hermione asked him to hand her a towel. With having only two to pick from, he handed her his own not wanting to think about anything of Dudley's touching her. But then he got a weird sensation just thinking of his own towel touching Hermione's naked body. This was same towel that had touched his naked body. Wait, what had gotten into him? Didn't he just break up with Ginny? It was all so confusing and felt very much like a dream. Dumbledore had been murdered by Snape, Ron and Hermione finally worked things out, and he had snogged Ginny?

His thoughts were interrupted by Hermione asking him to hand her clothes to her so she could dress behind the curtain. Harry promptly picked up her clothes and then realized he was holding her bra and underwear. Oh, God, now thoughts of where these items would soon be began popping in his head. No, Harry thought, no. Hermione is with Ron and I'm kind of with Ginny. Must not…think of…. Okay, so trying not to think of something is almost pointless as it seems to make you think of that thing more.

Fortunately Hermione stepped out of the shower looking amazingly pretty and suggested they go back to Harry's room to talk. Once Harry closed his bedroom door behind him, he decided to begin discussing business, if only to take his mind off “other” things.

“So, how do you think we should begin to look for the horcruxes?” he began.

“Horcruxes, what are those?” Hermione questioned.

“What do you mean what are horcruxes? The parts of Voldemort's soul I'm suppose to go find on my own now that Dumbledore is dead.”

“What, Dumbledore is dead?!” freaked Hermione.

“Please don't make me relieve it Hermione. You were there. You were at the funeral. You were the one who figured out who the Half-Blood Prince was. What is going on with you? Why are you acting so weird? You're not still crying all the time are you?”

“Crying all the time? Why would I be crying?”

“Because of Ron & Lavender,” Harry said impatiently.

“Why would I cry about Ron & Lavender. They aren't a couple, but even if they were why would I care?” Hermione responded. “Besides, you're the one acting weird talking about a funeral and horcruxes, and the Half-blood what? Harry, has your scar been hurting you again? Are you sure you're fully recovered from the battle at the Department of Mysteries. I know it was only a couple of weeks ago, but maybe you had an injury we didn't know about.”

Suddenly, Hermione's words began to sink in. Department of Mysteries? Only a couple of weeks ago? Surely not. Was his entire sixth year at Hogwarts simply a dream? The pensieve, Ron & Lavender, Hermione crying all the time, Ginny?

“Hermione,” Harry began, “I know this is going to sound weird, but can you tell me what year we are about to start at Hogwarts?”

“Harry, I'm really worried about you. We're about to start our sixth year of course. Not that we shouldn't be planning ahead for our N.E.W.T.s. And speaking of planning we need to hold our first official meeting for S.P.E.W.. Since you are President I'll let you lead the meeting.”

“Hermione, wait. You mean we haven't gone back for our sixth year yet or taken apparition lessons?”

“No, Harry, why? Why would you think that? You must have sustained an injury during the battle.”

“No, I'm fine. I think I just had a really long, detailed dream, that's all,” muttered Harry, suddenly remembering that he had almost lost Hermione in that battle.

But more importantly, he felt as if he'd lost her during his dream about their sixth year. If the whole year really had been a dream, did that mean he could change how things would turn out? I mean, why would he want to date Ginny when Hermione was there all along? They had gotten so close over the past year. Why would they just drift apart? Harry decided not to take any chances with the events of his dream coming true. He quickly, but gently leaned over and kissed Hermione on the lips, not giving her a chance to resist. He pulled away to see a shocked look on her face.

“Hermione, I need to tell you something and I need to tell you now before circumstances or anything else gets in the way. I truly appreciate your friendship, your kindness, and your loyalty. You've saved my life on numerous occasions and I can't imagine not having you by my side. Whatever happens this year, I want you to know that I truly appreciate you and will try very hard not to take you for granted. Promise me that we'll stay close, no matter what?”

“I promise,” she answered with a grin, “and just promise me that you won't have any more of those silly dreams.”

“Deal,” said Harry, breathing a sigh of relief.

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JKR will hopefully insert new book 6 here - entitled Harry Potter and Muggle-born Heroine!

The End

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