Post-Pubescent by x giggle loop x

Rating: R
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 25/09/2005
Last Updated: 27/11/2005
Status: In Progress

Hermione, Ron, and I have been together forever. But who knew that a game of spin the bottle
would change our lives forever? Harry's POV. 5 years after Hogwarts, the trio are living on
their own and live right next to one another. Hermione lives alone and the two boys live right next
door. How will the boys react when Hermione starts dating? And why is it that Harry can't stop
thinking of that game of spin the bottle?




1. Chapter 1
------------



*Nothing belongs to me except my imagination.*

*“**Harry, this party is fouler than Hagrid's breath after breakfast! Do something
mate, or I'm out of here… AND THIS IS MY FLAT!” For the first time, in a really long time, Ron
was right, and I'm not saying that just because I'm roaring drunk**, I truly mean
it**.* *This whole mess started when* *Hermione had planned a* *“Hogwarts
Reunion” for the plain and simple reason that she felt it was time to reminisce the `best years of
our lives!' Considering that the best years of our lives had only ended 5 years previous,*
*I thought we hadn't spent enough time to reminisce so* *this party idea seemed quite
ludicrous, but I went along with it and so did Ron, for she is Hermione and we would be doomed if
we disagreed. And now, Ron and I were watching as our guests looked around aimlessly at each other
wondering what to do and if pulling out a game of Explosive Snaps would be a bit too
pre-pubescent.*

*“Let's play spin the bottle!” Oh good lord, Dean Thomas you did not just suggest that.
Pre-pubescence warning was just notched one level higher. I looked around as people's faces
were lighting up at the idea of kissing each other randomly, well at first I thought they're
faces were lighting up, but it might have been the effect of too much alcohol in their systems that
rendered them quite flushed…but that was not the point. We were actually going to play Spin the
Bottle. I could have strangled Dean as he explained the concept to our not so muggle-abled
compatriots.*

*“Come on mate, this party needs a bit living up! You said it yourself!” Ron told me while
looking around the room as Seamus was finishing every bottle in order to find “one” that was empty.
“Plus, the ladies here are not* *completely unfortunate looking…” I looked around the room and
wondered who it possibly was that Ron was hinting at but all I could see was Luna Lovegood talking
avidly with Ginny Weasley. Drunk as I was, embarrassing statements had yet to come…*

*“Are you mad?! How can you pull your younger sister? That's incest, man!” Ron just looked
at me as if I had three heads and I quietly cursed myself…the embarrassment had yet to
begin.*

*Ah, lovely Hermione, my best friend of so long was looking around timidly as we were all
sitting down in a huge circle on the living room floor. She sat directly across from me and that
timid look of hers was incredibly endearing and made me realize that out of the three of us, she
had changed the least.*

*“I'll go first!” I turned to my left and saw that Ginny was rubbing her hands together in
greed. Even when we were going out she was pretty ferocious, whoever ends up with her will be in
for a treat…*

*The “Jack Daniels” bottle spun quickly on the hardwood floor of our apartment and we all
anxiously stared at it as if it were a beautiful yet poisonous flower. Ok, I probably was the only
one to think of it in that way but I have an excuse. I get poetic when I'm pissed. It's
rather charming really.*

*Lavender Brown. This is just* *a beautiful night, old friends getting back together,
snogging one another, it's a beautiful thing. Every bloke (except Ron) stared in delight as the
two girls quickly kissed (with tongue, honestly we're all grownups here!) and sighed in
disappointment as the two girls retreated.*

*Lavender's turn was up, and she in turn fell on her “sort of ex-boyfriend” Seamus
Finnegan. The twos stared at one another and we could feel the tension but Seamus, the classy man
that he is, pulled her against him and shoved, yes literally shoved, his tongue down her throat.
Lavender seemed shocked but not so disappointed by his action, and I just knew that later tonight,
they wouldn't be going home alone. At least someone should get lucky…*

*Seamus excited as ever to have his turn, clutched the bottle between his palms and kissed
it…”come on…come on…” I was about to propose that if the bottle and Seamus wanted some private time
that they should move into another room, but my `funnier in my head than it would actually sound
out loud' joke was paused by the bottle landing on a not so shy Luna Lovegood.*

*I had always been curious about Luna Lovegood. Her odd behaviors at Hogwarts had always set
many of the students off to repel her but not me, to this day I know that there's something
about her…and one things for sure, since Hogwarts she ha**sn't shied away from extra
curricular activities in the bedroom. She was not a prosy, that's a fact, but she was known to
have made a couple of men weak to their knees. She's a feisty one, no doubt in my mind about
that.*

*After the kiss that Luna and Seamus shared, I could tell that he was reconsidering taking
Lavender home for the way he was staring at Luna was not in a `sign me up for priesthood'
way,* *that was for sure.*

*After a couple of rounds, Ron had kissed Parvati, whom in turn kissed Dean, who kissed Hannah
Abbott, who kissed Ron, who kissed Katie Bell, who kissed Colin Creevey, who kissed Hermione (to
her pure discomfort), and suddenly the pressure was on Hermione.*

*The fact that she was nervous and shaking as she held the bottle made me stifle a laugh.
Good, old reliable Hermione. I noticed my leg shaking besides me and I held it back with my hand.
Watching people kissing really made me parched and want some sort of sexual water…and I thought I
was poetic when pissed, what arse.*

*The bottle spun around for what seemed like hours and when it stopped my heart leapt. Oh
bloody shit! I'm going to kiss my best mate; someone is really having a good laugh at my
expense. Suddenly, everyone was interested and was staring at Hermione and I. unfortunately for me
that was not the only surprise I had that night.*

*Hermione crawled across the small space and glanced at me quickly before kissing me.
Surprisingly, my leg had stopped shaking.*

-->



2. Chapter 2
------------



2 years later….

It's not as if I lacked motivation when it came to the subject of love, I really felt like
it was time that I had some sort of romantic relationship in my life. The problem is I don't
really know what I'm looking for and I don't necessarily think that anyone can count that
against me. How do I know when it feels right to start dating again? Hell, it has been six months
since Julie left me for that twat Brad “from the office”; I should be over it by now. But I
couldn't help but be angry at the thought of her shagging someone else and the fact that saying
“he was from the office” would just make it all right. All I know is I need to get back into the
dating game as quickly as possible before the Daily Profit starts headlining: HARRY POTTER-COMING
OUT OF THE BROOM CLOSET!

Unfortunately my problem still remains, who should I date? I'm getting rather tired of the
usual picking up a girl in a bar for a quick shag routine and it just aggravates me that I
don't exactly know what I'm looking for. Actually, sorry for that, I do know what I'm
looking for, someone who is utterly and completely the opposite of Julie.

With all this thinking I've been doing lately I should really make a list. Luckily for me,
there was a paper and pen on the kitchen counter just waiting at my beck and call. I paused for a
minute and thought clearly about what the hell I was going to write down on this sodding piece of
paper. Then, suddenly, like in one of those cartoons where a light bulb just magically appears over
your head, I knew exactly what I was going to write down.

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN A GIRL (I know, can I be any more bloody pathetic?)


She has to love me for me, and not my title and fame.


She must absolutely have a sense of adventure and must be able to laugh at herself…sense of
humor is key.


If I were to pursue any kind of future with a girl, she would absolutely have to be approved by
Hermione.


I realize that number three is rather unusual, but I trust Hermione's judgment more than I
trust anyone's. She is, without a fault, the person who knows me the best in the world. For
over a decade she has been my best friend, my companion, she has fought with me the worst battles
and has seen me at my worst. She knows me inside out and can read me like a book, and god knows she
can read books. Hermione knows when I'm happy or sad or when I'm hiding something. She
knows when I'm feeling playful or I just want to be left alone. When she looks at me I feel as
if she really understands me and without speaking to one another, we comprehend how each other is
feeling.

Just as I was contemplating my relationship with Hermione, I heard shuffling upstairs. Ron was
up and from the vibrations of the walls last night, I knew he wasn't alone. I smirked at the
thought of Ron shagging anyone really, it's not as if it was a hard concept to grasp but the
shagging he had been doing lately was different to all the other times. Let me explain better
because I don't think I'm making much sense myself. Well, for the first time in…ever,
really, Ron had been shagging the same woman. Yes, the rumor was true; Ron Weasley had gotten
himself into a serious relationship.

Camilla Peters was an extremely successful model in the wizarding world and the fact that she
would choose Ron over all the other male models is beyond me. I mean Ron is an extremely handsome
bloke, but he's not that sort of “poster-boy” handsome. He has fiery red hair that is cut short
but is rather wild on top of his head and a million dollar grin. Camilla always remarks on his
“piercing blue eyes” and I really choke myself not to laugh so hard. But all in all, they made
quite a cute couple. I mean, it's not as if I didn't have my reservations about Camilla,
Hermione and I both did. But at the moment, she made Ron happy and she has done nothing to make us
think ill of her.

“Hey mate” Ron said as he walked down the stairs, groggily scratching the hair on top of his
head. I noticed that I still had the piece of paper on the counter and quickly hid it in my jeans
pocket. “Good Morning Ron, good night I presume?” I grinned at my statement; Ron was always one to
have *good nights*.

“You heard… I don't need to fill you in on the details.” Ron winked at me and I couldn't
help but laugh. Ron really wasn't one to keep his life private from anyone. He was an open
book, he couldn't help it. Everything he did and every*one* he did wasn't any secret
in the wizarding world.

“Harry, mate, I'm inviting you all to dinner at the restaurant tonight. Hermione says she
has some sort of surprise for us, I don't know I wasn't really paying attention, s'all
I know is that you have to show up tonight at 8:00 pm.”

I wondered what the surprise was. Was it a new boyfriend? No, she would never keep a boyfriend a
secret from us. Whatever it was, I was sure as hell excited to find out. Ron inherited a restaurant
from one of his great-uncle's last year and it was quickly growing to being one of the best in
the wizarding world. “Weasley's” had excellent homey foods and a good ambiance; everyone who
ate there was treated like family.

“Sure I'll be there tonight. I'm just really anxious to know what Hermione's
surprise is. You don't think I could go over there and tickle it out of her, do you?”
Hermione's flat was neighbors to ours which helped maintain the trio's inseparableness.

“I don't think so Harry. I really do believe she would kick your ass and I say that with the
utmost respect.”

“What do you say with the utmost respect?” Camilla asked as she walked down the stairs, dressed
for the day. Camilla was a real head turner; she always wore the tightest t-shirts and those very
low-cut jeans.

“The fact that our little Hermione could kick Harry's ass,” Ron answered placing a kiss on
her head.

“Our little Hermione? Don't you mean *Harry's* little Hermione, because as far as
your concerned you're all mine.” Camilla kissed Ron quickly on the lips and then gave him one
of her infamous winks before waltzing out of the door.

“Isn't she something?” Ron asked me before walking out of the kitchen towards the
bathroom.

“Yeah…she really is *something**,*” I answered not really paying attention to Ron.
Could Hermione really kick my ass? I mean, it's obvious that I'm physically stronger. I
defeated Voldemort and fought recklessly for seven years of my life. But on the other hand, I
really wouldn't mind Hermione kicking my ass. I know its wrong to say but the thought of it
just makes me smile.

Hermione's my best friend and all and I know nothing will ever happen between her and me,
but I still have wandering thought, hell! I'm still a self-respecting bloke…

-->



3. Chapter 3
------------



Ron's P.O.V.

I wonder what Hermione's big surprise is, if it has to do with SPEW, work, or rearranging
her book case in alphabetical order by genre and author I swear to Merlin I'll drown myself in
my soup or drink, which ever is closer. I love the girl, I mean she is one of my best friends, but
sometimes she's just too much you know? It's surprising how well Harry can handle her
paranoia and obsessive compulsive behavior. I'd be up the wall! That is why I'm so glad to
have found Camilla…great, simple, smokin' hot Camilla. I really consider myself grateful to be
with her.

Here's a girl who loves to have a laugh, knows her way around the bedroom, and lives to
please me. She's so perfect I couldn't have configured her any better myself. I'm not
smart enough to do that and if I wanted to `make' her so to speak, I would ask Hermione, and
god knows she would say no. But I would never create the perfect woman, that's too freaky even
for our standards in the wizarding world! Being such a famous model, I always feared that she would
cheat on me, but she has been loyal to default. She seems to have made a good impression on Ginny
and the rest of the clan, except mum, but she's losing it. Well not really losing it, but more
like has lost the appreciation for my youthful adventure in the purpose of a good relationship. And
a good shag.

I was serving our famous Sheppard's pie for the umpteenth time when Harry came over to the
bar. Good ol' Harry. Here's a guy who has all the perfect qualities in his resume and has
yet to go out and get a job. By job I mean a girl. And girls give jobs. My mind is dirty.
Sheppard's pie, Sheppard's pie, Sheppard's pie…ah now that's better. Somewhere out
there my mum is cursing me for my rubbish mind.

“Hey mate.”

“Harry, ol' boy, what can I do you for?”

“Are there cameras around or are you just `double personality' guy again?”

“Hardee har har.”

“I'm nervous, man.”

“Why?”

“Hermione's big surprise. What in the name of Filch could she have up her sleeve? She had
that mischievous look on her this morning, that look is unsettling, I'm telling you. The last
time I saw that look was when we were playing spin the bottle and she snogged one on me.”

“Yeah that was funny, I had forgotten about that.”

“Yeah me too, oddly enough.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

The silence was starting to become a third person in the conversation. It was like there was
someone there, staring at us, uncertain to speak so they just watched us not speaking, you know?
It's odd thinking about your best mate pulling you, I get that, but Harry was just scaring me
now. Truth is, when Hermione snogged Harry, I admit I was as shocked as he was. No one expected
`ready for the nunnery' Hermione to be so upfront like that. For a week after I remember being
jealous and mysteriously getting over it. Hermione and I had almost happened and that kiss made me
ponder if I really was truly over her. I slumped around for a week and met up with Luna Lovegood in
a bar and thought to myself, here I am, pissed out of my mind and not caring about Hermione. The
night went on, I didn't get any and still I didn't think of Hermione. Neither did I think
of her when I woke up on the floor of my apartment or when I puked in the toilet. I was over her,
just like that. OK, Harry was still staring at the pint of lager on the bar. My best mate has
turned into a zombie. How enjoyable…

“Harry! Mate!” Welcome back to earth, how does it feel?

“Sorry I just spaced out…tired I guess.”

“You should rest before tonight, it's a big night.” I emphasized on big, I'm a prat.

“You're probably right.” Wow that never happens; it's like sweet music to my ears.

“I am right, look I'll catch up with you later all right?”

“See you later.”

“Not if I see you first.” Man was I sly, or most probably just playing `double personality
guy'. But I rather go with sly.

It was 7:30 and I was ready for tonight's big extravaganza. I would honestly laugh if
Hermione's surprise wasn't that important at all, she tends to get over excited for idiotic
things anyways. I love her but I bash her, old habit I guess. I had dressed casually for the
evening, it was my restaurant I could do whatever the bloody hell I pleased. That meant, slightly
ripped jeans, a black Chuddly Cannons vintage tee and a black blazer. I can not believe I just said
vintage tee, I guess that's what being with a model brings to you.

Unfortunately for moi, my lovely goddess could not make it tonight. Late photo shoot,
`you'll understand' she said to me, and I did. For my lovely guests I had prepared
something homey and not to expensive:

Goat Cheese Salad for the entrée

Filet Mignon with sautéed legumes for the main course

Crème Brulée for desert.

I lied. I had gone all chef extraordinaire on their arses, what now?

I was relieved that my sous-chef would take over tonight for the restaurant seemed to be packing
up a lot of customers tonight; thank god I was here to make sure the whole bloody building does not
light up. Owning a restaurant sure is a pickle. This reminds me…I'm hungry.

8:00 on the dot.

Hermione had arrived wearing a pale blue cocktail dress showing off those incredible legs of
hers. There's no shame in appreciating beauty, Bill taught me that.

“Ron! How are you? Where are we sitting? Where's Harry?” I hope she didn't notice me
rolling my eyes. What year is it? What's the weather like? Do you prefer taffeta or duchess
satin? Am I neurotic? YES! Hermione noticed me chuckling at her and tapped my arm.

“You know how I get when I'm nervous. It's just its big news…for me.”

“I was just taking the Mickey out of you, Hermione. You know I love you.”

“I know Ron, and I love you.”

“So shall we sit down?”

“Lets!”


We sat down at the round booth in the back corner of the restaurant for complete solitude. If Rita
Skeeter or the Daily Prophet knew that we were here, tomorrow's papers would read THE TRIO IS
NOW A THREESOME? Or some pervy rubbish of that sort.

We had just sat down when Harry waltzed over to place a kiss on Hermione's cheek. He sat
down next to me and flipped through the wine list and then gazed at us. He's so suave sometimes
it cracks me up.

“So what's the big news?” Harry jumped on the question like if it were Hogwarts pumpkin
case.

“Well you know that I've been rather lonely these past couple of months, since I moved into
my big old apartment all alone?” We nodded in agreement, had we not paid enough attention to her?
Was she moving out? Was she leaving us? Oh sod it, I'm becoming neurotic myself.

“Are you moving out?” Well it seems as if I'm not the only neurotic one here, Mr.
Potter.

“Of course not! Silly boys I could never leave you!” We sighed in relief.

“Then what is it?” Investigator Potter asked.

“I'm getting a room mate!!”

That's it, the big news that she insisted on being a surprise? I could have saved my anxiety
for something more important like the anniversary present I had to get for Cam next month.

“Who's going to be your roommate?” This time it was my turn to investigate.

“Well that's the surprise! Roomy come here!” and then out of the dark of the room came a
really fit lass by the name of…Luna Lovegood?!

“Hey guys! Surprise, I'm Hermione's new roommate. It's going to be like a giant
orgy!”

Hermione laughed and so did Luna. Harry and I gulped in return. Hermione had gotten us, that
sodding little minx, what a surprise!

-->



4. Chapter 4
------------



**Chapter 4**

*Sorry for not posting this chapter earlier.* *I was overwhelmed with work from school
& for some reason unbeknown to me, I felt that writing up my lab on the effect of temperature
on enzyme catalyze was more important than writing this chapter. So, in recapitulation-I'm SO
sorry. Also, thank you all so much for your generous reviews-I know some of you exclaimed your
bewilderment on the account of Luna being Hermione's surprise. I know that it might have
shocked you since it's not that big of a surprise-but her role will be vital to getting our two
love birds aka Hermione and Harry to get over themselves-so to speak. All right, enough of my
ramblings & on with the story =)*

*Hermione's P.O.V.*

I loved the look on their faces when I announced to them that Luna would be my roommate. I made
the surprise sound like some sort of life shattering event that would leave them in
shambles-I'm so evil sometimes, I love it. I knew that they would be anxiously waiting to know
what the “surprise” was and that grueling period where they would question every thing they know
about me to figure out what it was-well it was worth it. The surprise wasn't really Luna
itself, how can I put this, the surprise was that I would be living with Luna.

Luna-this amazing girl with such a sexual prowess, it would make anybody's head spin. Luna
and I had never been close when we were back at Hogwarts. Everyone would call her Loony Lovegood
because of her awkward speeches and actions, but know one expected her to be so easy going, funny,
and in the whole a genuinely interesting and rather great person. Now, out of Hogwarts, the whole
male population have taken her `loony' tag and placed it in a whole different category. Truth
is I never planned on having her as a roommate. I was looking for someone more at my pace, meaning,
someone more reserved and conservative. But last week, when she called me up to have lunch I
realized that conservatism could quietly place itself in an old person's home because I wanted
to start having fun!

I'm tired of being good old reliable Hermione. Don't get me wrong, I'm still good
and reliable but I'm not old! I want to enjoy things that people my age are enjoying and not
constantly think about the consequences. I want to fall in love, I want to go out and party, I want
to wake up plastered on the bathroom floor! Never mind, I take the last bit back, I would never go
that far. Think about it, all those disgusting vomit particles on your face and bathroom floor? I
don't believe in letting bacteria turn my bathroom into its own little breeding ground, thank
you very much.

What I do believe in is shedding off some of my layers and exposing myself to the world as
someone who is comfortable and confident, and rather pretty. For some reason, Harry and Ron's
perception of me really gets to me. I don't like the way Harry and Ron always have me pictured
as this intellectual, brownnoser, and goody two shoes. That is why; two years ago I kissed Harry at
that stupid party.

I didn't want him to think he knew what I was going to do and be comfortable with it, oh no,
I wanted him to be anxious and nervous. I hate how Harry thinks he's got me all figured out. I
hate to admit this but it ruffles me sometimes that he doesn't treat me like the other girls
that he's with.

I don't want him to go out with me, that's not what I want. I want him and Ron too, to
treat me like a real girl. That is why Luna is the perfect roomy. It's going to be fun, just us
girls!

*Harry's POV*

“Can you believe Luna is going to live with Hermione?” Ron asked me as we walked back to our
flat that night. Hermione and Luna had decided to go clubbing instead of going home. I mean,
Hermione and clubbing do not, in any sense, go together in the same sentence.

“I can't believe it, mate. It's plain odd.”

“Can you imagine Hermione's face when she hears Luna having sex with some random bloke in
her room while she's trying to finish her reading on the Treatment of Special Potions or some
random book like that?”

“You don't think that Luna would start hooking her up with random guys do you? Hermione
would not stand for that, right?”

“I think Hermione should be allowed to have so fun in her life. But, she better not over do it.
Hermione's not cut out for a life of spontaneous behavior.”

I completely agreed with Ron. Hermione was a planner, Hermione believed in order and morals. She
is not the type of girl who would sleep with men she hardly knew. If I know my Hermione, and I do,
I know that's not the type of conduct she believes in.

“I'm thankful to Hermione though.” Ron exclaimed.

“For what?”

“Well, for the fact that she didn't get some boring ugly room mate.”

“So, you're pretty much stating, If I understand you correctly, that Luna is exciting and
pretty?”

“Well, I wouldn't kick her out of bed-if you know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean and you have a girl friend. Remember?”

“Of course I remember! I was just making an objective observance.”

“Ron that is not objectivity. Objectivity is when you're not partial to anything. You're
obviously biased since it's your personal opinion.”

“You spend too much time paying attention to Hermione. But, for our beautiful friendship, I will
rephrase the latter. I was just making a *subjective* opinion.”

“You know the word latter?”

“Ha. If you must know, I have a quite extensive vocabulary.” I arched my eyebrow.

“Fine, you caught me, I read it on Hermione's Day to Day Vocabulary Calendar.”

And with that, Ron and I entered our flat in a fit of laughter. Hermione was such a big part of
our lives, but tonight we really understood how immensely she stood out to us.

*Luna's POV*

Living with Hermione has honestly been a blast this past week. We've been doing the usual
girly stuff that girls were supposed to do back in school. But Hermione and I were different back
then, we were intellectuals and knew that doing our hair and talking about boys had to wait until
fighting the dark lord of the wizarding world and defeating his sorry ass was over. His sorry ass
was now fried thanks to Harry and Hermione and I could do our hair, nails, and talk about boys
without worrying about the looming danger.

It's great to have a girl friend that you can be totally open with and who quite understands
you. And last night, in favor to all the understanding she had been making, I decided to understand
her.

She opened her heart to me about how she hated the way Harry and Ron pictured her. I had heard
some venting in my time, but this just was the pumpkin pie that broke the Hippogriff's back. I
did not know that Hermione Granger had so much bottled up anger residing inside of her. It was
rather invigorating. I felt for her-I really did, and I, being the most versatile woman in the
Wizarding World, If I do say so myself, decided to help my hopeless little roomy and finally get
her some fun, and laid.

“You can't let their perception of you bother you Hermione. You do what the hell you want to
do and nothing they can say or do can make any difference. Be happy, be independent, feel life!”
Ok, maybe I was taking it a bit far, but work with me here, I needed a bit of bravado and spunk to
get her going.

Hermione sighed but listened to me anyways. I was working her like Ronald on his quidditch broom
back in 7th year. I am so good at comparisons, it astounds me. You should hear my
metaphors.

“Well, what's something you've always wanted to do?”

“Date.”

“You've never dated anybody? What about Viktor? Ron?”

“I've dated! I mean I want to really date. I don't want to date, looking for a real
relationship; I want to have fun and meaningless-

“Don't say it Hermione.”

“Sex.”

“Woah.”

“What?”

“It's just, so not like you.”

“Get over it. I don't want to have x-rated sex every night. Just once in a while. Also, not
with a lot of different guys, I mean, who knows where they've been and…”

“Hermione, I get it.”

“Oh, good.”

“But I thought you mentioned that you also wanted to find love?”

“Well yeah, but after the dating game, that I'll do for a couple of months.”

“You're putting an expiration date on dating?”

“Well-

“Hermione, you're one anal bird.”

“Born and raised.”

“What else do you want to do?”

“Go clubbing on a regular basis.”

“Done- we could even go with Harry and Ron sometime. Show off our sexy dance moves.”

Hermione blushed, “It'd be kind of embarrassing to dance like that in front of Harry and
Ron.”

“Hermione…”

“I'm sorry. Yes, let's go clubbing with them. It'll be fun seeing the looks on their
faces!”

“I also want my hair to be wavy more than curly. Oh! I also want to go out and get myself a cute
purse and buy some tighter jeans.”

“The hair I can do for you and the clothes, well since I'm a fashion editor, I can try to
get you some discounts from some stores.”

“Luna, you are a life saver.”

“That's what they should put on my card.”

“Who?”

“The card people. The people that make personal business cards.”

“Did you know that elves actually do that? They are poured into manual labor, many gruesome
hours a week, and for what? A measly sock or hat once in a while?”

“Shut your SPEW activism mouth.”

“That's rather rude.”

“I knew you'd appreciate it.”

-->



5. Chapter 5
------------



*Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! It took me a while but here is my new chapter. For those of
you who complained about the length, I took that into consideration and decided to make this one
longer. Oh, and for those who saw the new Harry Potter movie, when you review this story, please
review the new movie too. I'd love to know what you all think of it! In other news, that has
nothing to do with this story nor Harry potter, I advise all of you to go see `RENT' the movie.
It's an absolute gem. I saw the Broadway musical a year ago and I honestly believe it does it
justice. With this random blab, here is chapter five!*

**Chapter 5**

**Hermione's POV**

My own little dating game had begun this week. On Monday, I went to the opera with Tom. He was
sweet, was keen on books, but unfortunately had a tendency to whisper to me every thought he had
during the show: very annoying, to say the least. On Wednesday, Charles took me to a club in the
east end. He was charming, funny, and grabbed my bum on one too many occasions. On Saturday, Victor
took me on a picnic in the park. He was the intelligent, dark and handsome quiet type. I really
should stress the quiet part. He said maybe ten sentences during the whole two hours we were
together. He commented the food, the weather, politics, and explained to me the cycles of an ant
farm. An ant farm, can you believe it? I know I always have random facts to tell but this was just
too much.

I had kissed Charles and Tom and avoided any lip action with Victor after the ant fiasco.
Charles was a rough and wet kisser. He practically missed my mouth. I mean, I know the club was
dark-but it's not like you need some topographical map to find a woman's lips! Tom, on the
other hand, was a gentle kisser. He also quite enjoyed nibbling. It was nice, but his style never
changed. After two minutes I had his kissed analyzed by form and time. Maybe I was being a bit over
analytical, but after these three dates all I could think of was `NEXT'.

“I've only been dating a week and I'm all ready exhausted!” I was whining, I never
whine. This is totally the opposite of Hermione. Normal Hermione had gone to Timbuktu and left
disheveled Hermione back in Great Britain. I wonder what Hermione would be doing in Timbuktu. Oh!
It used to be the world's trade center for information of knowledge as well as goods. My mind
has to shut up.

“Well it's not as if you fucked any of them. Then, you could say that you were exhausted
physically as well.” Luna and tact, there are two things that do not go together in a sentence nor
in an actual situation in life. If not in a sentence, they would probably mesh in a fragment. SHUT
UP MIND!

“Is it just me? Am I too judgmental?” I wondered.

“You're not too judgmental. The guy talked about ants for bloody sake! I would have left
after the talk about the weather, but that's just me.”

“Well what about Tom and Charles?”

“Did you ask them to call you back?”

“No. They said `I'll call you'.” Luna looked at me and I noticed a glint in her eyes and
a tired laugh line forming its way up to her dimples.

“Do you even know what `I'll call you' means?”

I stared at her-this was probably another segment of Dating 101 that I had skipped. It's not
actually a book, I'm kidding. If there were a book-you can bet your ass I would not have missed
it.

“I'll call you is the diplomatic way of saying `this didn't work out. It's not me,
it's you'.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, sweetie. Do you want me to call the pizza place and place a delivery fifty pizzas to
their apartments?”

This sounded quite tempting, as well as completely immature. I debated on it for a couple of
seconds and remembered, normal Hermione was on an educational trip to Timbuktu.

“Should I call or should you?” I was mischievous. Luna was probably roaring proud. I wonder what
Harry will say when he finds out about my three dates in one week. Luna and I should go over to
their flat and Luna should casually bring it into the conversation and then I could see their
faces. It's rather infantile but I want too so bad!

“Hey Luna?”

“Mhmm?”

“Do you mind if we pop round to Harry and Ron's?”

**HARRY'S POV**

Where the hell is the *Daily Prophet*? There's this new article on my latest dating
ventures that's causing quite a commotion. I usually never care about what that idiotic,
misleading babble they call journalism have to say about me. It's just that this time, Hermione
was involved. Ron told me not to read it, that it would only upset me and that it probably
wasn't true. Still, I was curious. Ah! There it is…

**Harry Potter's best friend leading an avant-garde love life?**

*In the last week Hermione Granger, one of Harry Potter's best friends'*

*has been seen with many of suitors. On Monday, the young witch was*

*seen at the opera with a young blonde fellow. On Wednesday, same*

*romantic happening-only in a night club-and with a different man.*

*And can any of you guess what she was up to on Saturday afternoon?*

*Yes, yet another date. Granger has been seen around town too much*

*lately, which has been causing much controversy. After years of*

*questioning Potter and Granger's relationship, we wonder how ex-*

*actly he is taking this new development in Hermione's life. It reminds*

*us all too well of her extra curricular activities during the*

*Triwizarding Tournament many years ago. Potter's close friends have*

*been approached and all refute* *the fact that Hermione might be one*

*of `those' girls. It should be a lesson to her-never to kiss and tell.*

*-Rhonda Skeeter*

How typical is it that Rita Skeeter's daughter is talking trash about Hermione? It's
just another pointless rumor that will be forgotten next week. If Hermione were dating around, I
would know about it. Ok, I know I haven't seen her enough this past week to be sure of it but
she always would tell me when she had a date because those things are important to Hermione.
She's a classy and not at all impromptu when it comes to men. This article has not at all
gotten me mad. Ron has become such a drama queen since he's been with Camilla. Wait, scratch
that. Ron has *always* been a tad over dramatic. It's the flaming red hair. It makes him
flaming mad at times. Oh Harry, you are one funny lad. Remember to give yourself a mental pat on
the back.

“Oh Ron! It smells positively exotic in here. What are you cooking?” Luna asked, peering over
Ron's shoulder to get a better look at the stew that was cooking.

“I wouldn't call it exotic. It's a lobster stew with goat cheese ravioli's and just
a pinch of basil and salsa.” Ron answered, looking at Luna's wide eyes.

“Can I taste it?” Luna's eyes are now scaring me. She really is ravishingly looking at that
stew. Has she not eaten for days or something? Thank goodness Ron allowed her to taste the food, I
don't want to know what she would have done if he didn't.

She licked her lips after he had fed to her from the large wooden spoon. There was something
sexual about the way she did it-as if it wasn't the lobster soup that tasted so good. That or
she really does love lobsters and food in general.

“Honest to god, if I had to choose, right now, between sex and that soup, I would be in such a
bind! It's orgasmically delicious.” Is orgasmically even a word?

“Lucky for me, I never have to choose between sex and food. They come on the same platter, if
you know what I mean.” Thanks Luna, we all know what you mean. Sometimes the things she says makes
us guys very uncomfortable-in a good way. I have to think about something else. Hmm, let's see.
Hermione looks good today. She looks fantastic today. That's not helping. Under normal
circumstances, Hermione doesn't have any specific affect on me, she's just Hermione. Damn
you, Luna Lovegood!

“Hermione?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“You didn't happen to read that ridiculous article that Rhonda Skeeter wrote about you, did
you?”

She looks worried. I probably shouldn't have mentioned it. She must think that its something
positively abominable.

“Oh lord; it's not bad is it?”

“It's just a rumor don't you worry. No one would believe it.” Thanks Ron.

I cautiously handed the article to Hermione, analyzing every expression in her face as she read
the darn parchment. She didn't look hurt or shocked, she looked anxious. She proceeded by
handing it to Luna, who examined it also and stared at Hermione. They were doing that thing that
girls do. It's like a sixth sense. They communicate telepathically. Hermione and I could
usually do that, but right now the connection flow was at zero and it really bothered me. I wonder
what they're saying to one another. It's probably nothing too bad.

“How did this get out?” Ok, that was not at all what I was expecting. Even Ron stopped turning
his stew to stare at Hermione.

“You don't think one of them could have called the daily prophet ahead of time?” Ron looked
at Luna with the same quizzical look that I just gave Hermione. We were the unknowledgeable idiots
in this situation that we communicated telepathically.

“Everyone must probably think I'm a whore.”

“Hermione, if you're a whore, what does that make me?” Luna said, trying to revive her
moral.

“Good point.”

If my brain has not completely shutdown and is working correctly, I understand the following:
Hermione went on these three dates and she didn't even warn Ron or me. This really hurt, more
than I thought it would. Hermione tells us everything, especially about her relationships. I
don't know what bothers me the most: Hermione's lying or the fact that she was with thee
different men in one week. All I do know is that I don't like this at all. It should stop.
Right now. Oh god, what if they hurt her? I'm going to have to beat them up. Ron and I are
going to go down to wherever they live and beat the living pulp out of them. I really wish it
didn't have to come to that.

I got ready, put my coat on and walked out the door. They must think I'm crazy. *I*
even think I'm crazy. Hermione hasn't even explained to us the situation yet and I'm
all ready out the door expecting the worst. I'm too protective over her. Maybe even more than
Ron, this is another thing that perplexes the hell out of me. My back suddenly tensed.

I walked back into the flat and gave Ron one of those looks. One that says that I overreacted
and I was caught in my own thoughts; he nodded. Hermione looked at me with a quizzical glance and I
felt that I needed to sit down.

I was angry.

“Harry, this article is not what you think. Well it is what you think, but you're over
reacting.” Hermione was now sitting down on her knees, pleading at me with that look of hers. Her
hands were shaking on my thighs and my back tensed even more.

“How do you know I'm over reacting? I didn't say a word.”

“You stormed out of the flat and came back in with a look that you used to give Snape, Malfoy,
and everyone else that has ever crossed you.” I had to give her props. She knew my looks.

“You're right I am crossed. I'm just trying to understand how my best friend can spend a
week dating three men, which is something that is totally not like her at all by the way, and not
tell me. I thought you trusted me Hermione.”

“I do trust you, Harry!”

“Not enough!”

“Harry! For once, I was doing something for me. It was personal and I didn't think that it
involved you and Ron. Normally, I would tell you about the men I was seeing. This time it's
different. I'm dating; it's not about conquest anymore. It's about me wanting to have
some fun and not be judged by you!”

“Oh, so I would have judged you if you had come to me?” By that point, our voices had raised a
couple of decibels and Ron and Luna were noticeable absent.

“Maybe…you would have disapproved, that I'm sure of.”

“Of course I would have disapproved! This is not you Hermione. You're not a girl that
satisfies in one night stands. Girls like that are fine, it doesn't make them any less
respectable than others but in the end they will end up searching for more than just great
sex.”

“I want great sex.”

“What?”

“Why do you think I'm doing this? I want to be physically devoured.”

“Hermione this is not you.” This is wrong. We are not having this conversation. And most
importantly, I am not getting turned on.

“Maybe this is me Harry. Why don't you think about that?” Right now I'm preoccupied
thinking about you having sex, wait a minute.

“Listen, I can't argue with you about this Harry. I know that I'm still the same
Hermione I've always been. I just want to have fun! I want to get frustrated by dating and hurt
by love. I want to have great sex, pointless sex, every sex imaginable. Except S&M I could
never do that…” She stood up and leaned in to me.

“You and Ron are my best friends and I love you…but, we're growing up. You two have to
realize that I'm a woman and that I have needs and wants. I've experienced everything in
the world of education and dangerous adventures, Harry. I want to experience fun and maybe
love.”

I gulped, my stomach churned.

“Learn to deal with it.” And with that she was gone. Leaving me here, sitting on the couch
gasping for breath. This was a different side of Hermione that I never had the pleasure to meet.
This whole dating and sex situation has always been all right between me and Ron but we never
expected Hermione to want to be part of all that. Suddenly I became aware that she was a beautiful
woman and that men will want her. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about all of this. I
don't know that I like it. I just want it all to stop and go to how it was before.

But, in all honesty, do I? Do I really want it to go back to how it was before?

-->