Freak

Ungraceful

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Mystery
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 6
Published: 06/10/2005
Last Updated: 17/02/2006
Status: in_progress

"This is it, she thought. This is the end. I'm going to die, and all I can think about is what a freak I am."

Chapters

1. Freak

1. Freak

Freak

"Words are meaningless
And forgettable
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms"-Tori Amos Enjoy the Silence

Prologue: 1st year 1972

This is it, she thought. This is the end. I'm going to die, and all I can think about is what a freak I am.

Freak, the word sliced through her ears, leaving her cold. Cold and Alone. Suddenly, people in her life rapidly began flashing before her open eyes.

Flash-She's reading her Hogwarts letter with her mother reading over her shoulder. She looks up to see Petunia glaring at her. She mouths the word "Freak" slowly to make sure it stabs her where it always hurts her the most-her heart.

Flash-A group of Slytherins are huddled together snickering. They are speaking to each other but they do it loudly to make sure she hears. "Can you believe her? Lily Evans is a mudblood freak."

Flash-She's eight years old and in a classroom. She had just accidently sent the pencil sharpener through the window. Her teacher, Mrs. Rhodes, stared at the glass then at her horror stricken. She opens her mouth to explain that she was frustrated because Mrs. Rhodes wouldn't listen to her, when she noticed all their eyes. A roar of whispering erupted throughout the students. But she could only make out the word freak.

Flash-She's ten. Janet McKellar sits behind her with a pair of scissors giggling with her sidekicks. Janet gently grabbed a lock of her unusually red hair without her realizing it. Just as she's about to cut her hair, the hand holding Lily's hair begins to feel like its on fire. Janet drops the scissors, and they hit the floor with a bang. Everybody turns around. Janet stares down at her hand and looks up at Lily. Janet's hand now has second degree burns from her hair. Janet abrubtly runs out of the classroom crying, but not without calling Lily a freak.

Flash-She's getting ready to aboard the Hogwarts express. She turns around to look at her mother one last time before she enters a world she never imagined. A world full of possibilities and magic. But her mothers eyes are nothing but cold and loathing. She doesn't say the words but Lily knows what her mother is thinking: My daughter is a freak.

Freak is right.

Lily was surprised at how long it was taking for her to fall to the ground. She had rather hoped her death

would be quick and painless, but they would prefer to see her suffer.

The Slytherins definitely had planned to knock her off her broom. She knew this the minute they surrounded her. They knew she couldn't fly well, heck it was even a miracle that she could mount a broom. They waited till she was a good 200 feet in the air before they ambushed her and knocked her off her broom.

Her body missed a tree, but it caught the bottom of her arm. At the speed she was falling, she knew it was broken.

She really wished she would die already. She was falling so fast that the wind was drying out her eyes, her hair was all over her face, and her arm was really killing her. But what hurt the most was that she had no control over what was happening. She was going to die and there was nothing she could do about it. Lily never felt so helpless.

She thought about Hogwarts, and how she was full of hope when she arrived. She never felt like she belonged in the muggle world. But even after coming here she was still considered a freak. Maybe less of a freak, but nonetheless a freak. She was a mudblood and that made her different in most peoples eyes.

She saw the ground approaching.

This is it, she thought taking a deep breath. This is the end of my life.

She landed rather softly, she thought. The ground-she was guessing it was the ground since she couldn't see-was surprisingly warm and comforting. She clenched the ground in hopes of drowning in its warmth. She had been so cold falling.

A portion of the ground had wrapped around her waist guarding her. Guarding her from all the evil in her life. Before she knew it, she was being lifted into the air. Was she going to heaven this soon? Had her death really been that painless?

She finally got the nerve to open her eyes. To her surprise-and somehow horror-she was leaning on someone’s chest. She looked down at her waist to see an arm instead of the ground guarding her from her life.

Instead of looking to see who it was, she just clenched tighter to what she now realized was the persons shirt. Relief washed over her as she found comfort in the persons embrace.

They were flying, she realized, away from the people below and to a secluded spot by the castle. He must not want to make a scene, she thought. For that she was entirely grateful.

They landed on the ground with a thump. His feet touching the ground, his arm still holding her waist. He gently eased her onto her feet, making sure she was steady. Her legs felt like jello, but she welcomed the contact. Neither of them had let go of each other completely yet. Slowly though, she unclenched her fists that she now realized held onto his shirt. He gently took his arm off her waist.

She gasped when she looked at his face. Out of all the people at Hogwarts, or the universe for that matter, she never expected him to be her knight in shining armor. She stared at his face. His eyes looked worried and concerned. Any other time, his face would have repulsed her. But at this very moment in time, it was beautiful.

"Are you okay," he asked quietly.

Lily licked her chapped lips, glancing down at her arm breaking their gaze.

"I...I think my arms is broken," she said. Her voice sounded very weak.

He lightly squeezed her arm in comfort when her first tear fell down her face.

"Its okay. You're going to be fine," he said soothingly. This just made Lily cry harder. He hugged her tightly as she gently cried.

Trying to regain her composure, she forced the words out of her mouth that were threatening to spill out.

"Thank you," she said quietly into his chest. She was grateful that he was taller than her. Not many boys were.

He pulled back so that he was staring straight into her eyes, which were lined with tears. "You..I mean I..." her voice cracked as more silent tears began dripping down her face.

He lifted his hands and cupped her face, gently removing her fallen tears. She stopped crying. His hands and his gaze gave her more comfort and compassion than even her own mother had given her in a lifetime.

They stared at each other. They were both foreign to each other, but not at the same time. He slowly bent down his head and kissed her softly.

Her stomach clenched in shock and excitement. It was the sweetest, most thrilling sensation she had ever experienced. And just as soon as it had begun, it was over.

"Lily are you alright!"

They broke apart quickly too see Professor McGonagall rushing over to them along with the rest of the Gryffindors. Suddenly everyone was crowded around her, asking numerous questions. She tried to answer as best she could about what happened, but she suddenly felt very alone and cold. She looked up to see him walking away in the distance.

James Potter had walked away, leaving her all alone.