A Conviction

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I was just bored after I freaked out at Halloween Horror Nights, so I wrote this. Or part of it anyway.

Summary: I really hate writing these things. I'm not entirely sure what this is about just yet. I'll let you know when I've written it.

A Conviction

By Natali K. A.

Haven't you ever wondered what might've happened if you had done this or that? Did this decision somehow change the course of your life completely?

Or what about a kiss? If I hadn't kissed this person, this would/would not have happened.

Then there's the question of fate. No, your life would have been exactly the same regardless, only with different timing because everything's a matter of fate, and whatever Fate has in store for you, that's what you get.

When I was younger—about fourteen, I'd say—Mum had once explained to me about fallacies. They were pointless and pissed me off, quite frankly. But she told me to learn them anyway. One of them she'd labeled Circumstantial. For instance, if Marie Curie hadn't discovered uranium, we would never have found it. I'd found it all quite pointless at the time, but now… No, as a matter of fact, I still find it pointless. Nor do I have an exact point to this anecdote.

It's pointless to argue or contemplate, I suppose, since my life is what it is and not anything else. I am me and not another person.

One day, some time ago, I'd made the decision to forgive James Potter for his previous transgressions against me and mine and even those who were not prior to his radical change during the summer before our Sixth Year.

Yet another day, I even gave into one of the most dangerous temptations I'd ever experienced and kissed him—over and over and over…

But I think I'm getting ahead of myself.

*~*Sixth Year*~*

“He's changed and you know it,” Sirius Black said harshly to Lily Evans while she supervised his detention.

She had just had the nerve to offend his beloved, “new and improved” James Potter—something about how a leopard doesn't change his spots and James Potter is no different.

“He changed for you, though I can honestly say that his reasons elude me,” he continued harshly. “I think you're a self-righteous bitch who needs some serious help to pull that stick that's been getting in the way of her having fun out of her tight—”

“Whatever happened to gentlemen? They've been an endangered species lately,” Lily said dryly, fighting to keep her cool. Black wanted her to lose it but she'd rather kiss Filch's arse than give him that pleasure.

“Do you see a lady anywhere?” Sirius asked. “Let me know when there is.”

“I would threaten you with detention, but apparently you don't give a shit about how many Saturday afternoons you waste in one. Tell me, have you had a single Saturday off since we've come back?”

Sirius glared at her. “Have you had a single date?”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “Ah, touché.”

He didn't reply, but merely continued mopping up the mess from one of the Marauders' pranks earlier that day. Filch had only been able to pin it on him.

“How?” Lily asked.

“How what? How do you go on a date? Very simple, actually. You find someone whom you like and who happens to like you back and you spend time with them to get to know them. On second thought, I can see how that might be hard for you, as no one could possibly like you.”

“I was trying to have a civil conversation with you, so try to be courteous, would you?” Try as she might, she could not keep the hurt out of her voice.

He noticed.

“That was uncalled for. I'm sorry.”

She was surprised to find that he actually meant it.

“How has he changed?” she asked, to clarify her earlier question.

Sirius didn't reply immediately, trying to decide whether she was curious in order to mock or because she really wanted to know. He decided it was the latter.

“He just has. He's considerate and has tried staying out of trouble—as much as he fails. He's also been spending time actually trying to complete his homework. If you would only talk to him for minute, you'd see it.”

Lily nodded from her perch on one of the random stone benches littering the castle corridors.

“Alright,” she said finally, uncrossing her arms.

“Alright what?”

“You can stop mopping and get out your wand to clean this mess up. I've got better things to do.” She stood and began to leave him. “And also that I'll give him a chance. If I'm going to be disappointed, I'd rather be alerted now so I don't have to go through with the experiment.”

Sirius didn't say a single word.

*~*

Then it started—and I couldn't stop. I had never actually gotten to know James Potter before that time, so maybe he hadn't really changed at all. But I finally saw it. I saw why everyone was attracted to him and for so many reasons.

He was shocked, I remember, when I actually stopped and waited for him when he called to me one day after class. I had, after all, given Sirius my word. I don't think James ever found out about what occurred in that detention. It probably would've hurt his delicate ego anyhow…

He was so kind and I was caught off guard. I had my defenses down, and suddenly, I found myself smiling at him in a way I shouldn't smile at him.

But Sixth Year came and went uneventfully—with me suppressing whatever feelings I'd had for James. They were utterly ridiculous, after all. We'd been sworn enemies, and while we weren't any longer, we were hardly best friends. I had a single class where I sat near him so I wasn't exactly overcome with Potter fever. But I sure felt the symptoms beginning.

When I got the Head Girl badge in the mail, I didn't even need to ask who'd made Head Boy. I just knew. Who else could it have been? And to this day I stand by my belief that Dumbledore did it on purpose. He's a romantic at heart and felt like playing matchmaker.

I never really did complain about it, however.

All of a sudden I'm spending more time with him than any person should ever spend with any one person they don't want any romantic involvement with, what with our duties and our plans and just… Head stuff.

Looking back now, I can't for the life of me figure out what we accomplished. But Remus and Sirius assure me that we did do our jobs while we held our positions. Apparently I have amnesia…

Everything would have been perfectly smooth. Of course, there was that sexual tension—hot boy sees hot girl, hot boy lusts, hot girl notices hot boy, hot girl lusts, hot boy and hot girl wish they could just throw all those stupid papers off the desk and do it like the naughty, dirty rabbits they are!

…Yes. Where was I?

*~*Somewhere in the Beginning of Seventh Year*~*

“Bloody fuck!”

Lily stepped away from the man she'd been kissing and took a good look at him.

“Bloody fuck!” she repeated, half-moaning.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” James asked, hurt. He'd thought it'd been rather nice, actually.

“Well, I don't know really,” she muttered.

“You should—you said it. What is it that you're thinking?” he asked bluntly, never afraid to speak just what was on his mind.

“I'm not capable of thinking at this particular moment,” she admitted. “Give me a second.”

He grinned wolfishly and closed the distance between them. “That was sort of the point behind this, you know.” He kissed her again, pushing her up against the wall behind her.

“But James—”

“Shh,” he whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth. His hands fell onto her hips and he got a firm grip on her. “Don't tell me you didn't like it and that you want me to stop.”

Lily made a noise of irritation and chose to ignore that particular question. “The Heads can hardly go around snogging each other willy nilly all over the school! What if someone sees us?”

He kissed her shoulder, bare because the robe had slipper off on that side. “God, I sure hope they do.”

“But…” Her protest died before it had really begun, half-hearted as it had been. She sighed, leaning her cheek against his hair. She could feel his breath on her skin, his lips still littering feathery kisses on her shoulder.

It was so silly, yet she wanted to kiss him more. Very much. Until they couldn't figure out where she started and he ended or the other way around. It was a very strong emotion—besides the lust, anyway. There was definitely lust. But there'd been lust forever. She cared. She wanted him to care about her, too.

With his head still resting on her shoulder, he turned to capture her lips in a slow, deep kiss. James could feel her heart beating quickly. Or was that his own?

“James, are you okay?” said a voice behind them. Since it was dark and James' body was mostly covering Lily, one of the Prefects had assumed he was alone.

They started.

“Oh,” the Prefect said stupidly, a sweet girl but a wild gossip. It wouldn't be an hour before even the portraits knew that the Heads were kissing in a dark corridor after midnight.

“Hi, Eileen,” Lily said weakly. “We, um…”

“No, don't worry. I'll just go and you two can go back to whatever you were doing,” Eileen said, winking. “I never saw a thing.”

It was useless to argue. Eileen had turned and left quickly anyway.

“I had been joking about wanting someone to find us. I hadn't really meant it,” James said after a pause.

A giggle escaped Lily. “No, I guess not. Does ruin the mood a bit.”

“I'm-I'm sorry, I hadn't thought anyone was going to be about tonight,” he said nervously. “It's why I… took the opportunity when I did.”

Her giggles increased.

“What should we do? You know they're going to ask. Should we just deny it or come up with some unlikely story—like I was trying to get some spinach out of your teeth that had been bothering you, and it would only work with my tongue?”

Now laughing in earnest, she turned and brought his lips to hers and gave him a nice, wet kiss.

“Or just admit to it,” she said with a teasing twinkle in her eye. She wound her arms around his neck and he kissed her again, pressing his body against hers.

“Just one question. I thought you used to hate me?” he said in a most aggravating way.

“I don't now.”

“Why?”

Lily cocked her head, considering it for a moment and just how much she should tell him. That detention between her and Sirius had been somewhat private and had been the foundation for their relationship now and for the future, whatever that might be.

“Don't question it. Just accept it,” she smiled.

He did just that.

*~*

It was a conviction—I was convinced that he was someone worth knowing. And if he just happened to feel that same way about me, well there it is. There is not a person in the world who can ever change my opinion about him.

He's intelligent, mischievous, sexy, a clown, loving, a bit judgmental, silly when the mood strikes him, charming when it benefits him, understanding, amusing, crazy, and a great if somewhat selfish husband.

He will never lie to me unless it's for my benefit, nor cheat, steal, or leave me. I trust him implicitly.

Most importantly of all, I love him without reserve and I know that he gives himself all to me as well.

After all, he's James Potter. What else do you expect?

*~*

A/N: Ah. Yes. Review please. A bit of a fluffy fic, I think, not much point. Much love!

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