Incomplete: I

Forever Optimistic

Rating: R
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 06/11/2005
Last Updated: 06/11/2005
Status: completed

[one-shot] After a night at the Leaky Cauldron, James and Lily realize that the person they were looking for all along was right in front of them.

Chapters

1. Incomplete: I

1. Incomplete: I

Version I is L/J and the original piece I wrote. Version II is not much different; it's pretty much the same word for word. The only thing that changes are the names, and obvious things related to those mentioned. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Incomplete I

“Why is it that we, the two most passionate people I know on the face of this earth, can't keep a meaningful relationship for more than one month?” I asked Lily as I walked into her flat. I had just left the restaurant from yet another date in which I sat there listening to how great I looked in the last issue of the Daily Prophet and about how great I played over the weekend. It was yet another unfulfilling date with a witch that didn't give a rat's arse about me, but only cared about James Potter, Chaser for Puddlemore United.

“We just haven't found the one, yet James,” Lily responded looking at up at me briefly before looking back down. “We'll find them.”

I looked at her hard for a moment as she sat on an armchair reading the latest issue of Witch Weekly. I was immediately captivated by the way her hair was sprawled over the armrest, and the way her features lit up when she smiled. I was captivated by her best friend features, I reminded myself.

“I just hate being lonely, Lils. I don't feel complete,” I responded looking into her averted eyes. “It just hasn't been the same since we left Hogwarts. My best friends don't even have time for me anymore. Remus is out doing God knows what for the Order, Peter has been detached lately and Sirius is too busy juggling his two girlfriends to hang out,” I ranted finally taking a seat across from her.

“And what am I, chopped liver?” she asked looking up at me and smiling that beautiful smile.

“The last thing I need is to have another one of your boyfriends threatening me in my own home because he feels insecure with my presence in your life. I don't think I can fully hold myself back next time,” I responded putting a pillow over my face.

Although Lily and I had never dated, our best friend status had been questioned by more than a few of her boyfriends and all but one of my girlfriends. On one particular occasion, a very drunk Daniel Perry came to my flat threatening to turn me into tripe if I didn't tell him where Lily was. Considering the fact that Lily dated mostly muggles, I wasn't too sure if it was a legitimate threat or not. So I did what I always did when threatened. I crossed my arms in front of me, smirked up at him, and told him to give it his best try. What ensued was my first muggle fight in which I got my first black eye (the muggle way). Hard as I tried to get him off of me without raising a hand to him, I just wasn't going to allow him to continue. With my Quidditch reflexes, I intercepted his next punch, and landed another one of my own. Needless to say, Daniel Perry didn't look too good after I was done with him. When Lily arrived at my flat for our weekly dinner together, she berated me for fighting with her boyfriend after seeing the state he was in. He gave me a bloody smug look before I explained to her what really happened. Daniel thought she was going to take his side, but of course Lily believed me, and of course she broke up with him on the spot. I had never been so proud of her in my life.

“You don't have to worry about that right now,” she mused, taking me out of my reverie. “Matthew and I broke it off two weeks ago. I have no strings attached at the moment.”

I smiled underneath the pillow trying to remember who Matthew was before removing it and looking at her with a straight face again. I never did like Matthew. In fact, I never liked any of Lily's boyfriends. I just couldn't understand why any twat would waste such an opportunity by leaving her. It pained me to see her go out with so many guys that treated her like a prize. I hated that they didn't see her because she was smart, sweet and funny and I absolutely hated the way their eyes roamed her body as if she were a meal to be feasted on.

“Well then you can join the club. I call it the `I'm too bloody wonderful for my own good' club,” I smirked.

“You prat,” she said, throwing a pillow in my direction.

I caught the pillow easily before I leapt at her from my position, and tickled her mercilessly. We wrestled on the floor for a few minutes until we were both gasping for air. When she finally pushed me off of her by placing her hand to my chest, we lay down next to each other before she removed her hand, and intertwined her fingers with mine.

“What do you say we go to the Leaky Cauldron for a few drinks?” she asked. “I think we both need them right now.”

I looked at her for a moment and smiled when she finally looked at me. Her eyes were dancing with mischief, and I knew she was in the mood to get away from everything.

“Alright, let's do it,” I responded before getting up and pulling her with me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I had to keep reminding myself that he was my best friend, and that best friends didn't look at each other that way. James and I had been at the Leaky Cauldron for well over an hour, and had succeeded in getting so inebriated that we didn't even know why we were there in the first place. Tom, the bartender, finally cut us off and led us to the fire place where he flooed us back to James' flat. We stumbled out of the fire place in a fit of laughter that was uncontrollable. When I finally got to my feet, I looked down at him and saw that he was dozing off on the floor.

“James,” I said nudging him a little so as to wake him up.

He mumbled something incoherent in response and flipped over on his back. I took that opportunity to really look at him. He had been my best friend for two years, yet sometimes I found myself having less than friendly thoughts about him. He had a crush on me while at Hogwarts, but I hated him so much back then that I couldn't give him the time of day. When we finally became friends in our seventh year, he had already given up on me, and began pursuing other girls. I had always secretly liked him, I mean, who wouldn't? He was gorgeous. Unfortunately for him though, he was also passionate. Someone as good looking as him would probably never find a girl that loved him for the person he is inside. Somebody like him, regrettably, only attracted the type of girls who wanted him for his looks. It hurt me to see how disillusioned he got whenever he broke up with a girl because she just wasn't what he was looking for; because she wasn't passionate enough, because she didn't challenge him. It angered me that he didn't look at me the way he used to back at Hogwarts because I was daft back then. I did like him, yet I refused to go out with him. I let my pride get in the way of happiness. Two years later, I found myself wanting to spend every moment with a best friend that wanted to be just that. Best friends. I, Lily Evans, was completely head over heels in love with the one and only James Potter.

Knowing that my affection for James was beyond the bounds of friendship, I knelt down as balanced as I could in my state, and placed my head on his chest. The rise and fall caused by his steady breathing was soothing, and made me want to tell him everything I had been hiding from him for years. I felt alive when I was with him, like I could tell him anything and he would understand because he knew me. He completed me.

When I lifted my head from his body, I stroked his messy tresses before removing his glasses from his face and placing them behind his head. He opened his eyes then and looked at me before smiling. I know I blushed, and I know my heart skipped a beat. He did that every time he smiled at me, because really, that smile should be banned. There is no way any man should be able to undo anyone with a simple smile.

“Hey,” I whispered after a moment.

“Hi,” he responded in a hoarse whisper.

It must have been the firewhiskey altering my senses, or it was the fact that our faces were just so close together, but I leaned in and slowly placed my lips on his. It took him only a second to return the kiss, and I sighed with the sort of content that made my heart melt. It wasn't a hurried kiss, or even a lazy one. It was the type of kiss that took your breath away. I pressed my body against his to deepen the kiss and soon found myself straddling him. Everything was happening so fast that I didn't even think about what I was doing. I heard him groan underneath me before he pulled my hair behind my ears and put his hands on my face. I grew more insistent with my kisses and immediately felt just how aroused he was becoming.

“Lily,” he croaked.

“Shh,” I said before capturing his mouth with mine again.

All thoughts of him being my best friend were quickly forgotten when I sat up, making sure to bring him with me so that we were both sitting down in front of the fireplace, our faces dancing with the light emitted from the flames. He groaned at the contact that our new position created and he too became more insistent with his actions. Had we been sober, I doubt it we would have taken everything so far, yet we couldn't be bothered to stop at the time. As I began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt, he began picking himself up from the floor. I followed his lead, and soon we were standing in front of each other, still heatedly connected at the lips. I pressed my body fully into his so that my breasts were rubbing against his chest, and he stumbled forward just slightly so that my back was soon firmly against the wall beside the fireplace. He grunted loudly when I continued to unbutton his shirt until he finally let go of any inhibitions and picked me up with ease so that my legs immediately wrapped around his waist. I opened my eyes and was surprised to find that he was staring at me with such an intense look in his eyes that I was afraid I would collapse from the emotions stirring up inside. He smiled at me then and gently kissed my forehead. I had never felt more loved in my life, and I knew I wanted to make love to him. I instinctively tightened my hold on him and breathed one word into his hair that I know triggered something inside of him as he continued his attentions onto my neck and shoulder.

“James,” I gasped as I felt his erection hard against my thigh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Never, not even in my wildest dreams, did I ever think I would have Lily in my arms like I did in that room. I vaguely remembered stumbling out of the fireplace in my flat and having Lily, my best friend Lily, pressing her lips on mine. Of course I couldn't let her do all the work, so I deepened the kiss. It was as if every other girl I had ever kissed never even existed. She surprised me when she straddled me, and soon we were spiraling down un-treaded waters when I heard the most seductive voice I had ever heard.

“James,” she said.

My heart stopped, and for a moment I wasn't sure I was even going to make it to the bedroom. I stumbled over my own two feet, unable to see very well in the darkened hallway without my glasses, but I quickly recovered and everything became all about her. Lily, by that point, had committed to a full assault on my neck and lips. She didn't stop when I almost tripped on the coat rack in the hallway and I never wanted her to. When we reached my bedroom, I pressed her body hard against the door and she moaned in a way that almost made me come undone. I looked up at her then, and she had a look in her eyes that told me she was ready for whatever we were about to do next. I might have been drunk, but I wasn't so far gone that I didn't know exactly what was going on. I left feather light kisses on her forehead, and she flashed me that smile I loved so much. She then pulled herself away from my embrace, opened the door to my bedroom, and led me by the hand to the side of the bed where she proceeded to take off my clothing.

Lily must have been much more drunk than I was, because it took her several tries before she finally disengaged the last buttons separating her hands from my skin. She carefully moved her hands over my chest, and upon feeling her touch, all pretenses of going slowly were thrown out the window. I quickly closed the gap between us and pulled her into a passionate kiss that left us both gasping for air afterwards. I pulled her shirt over her head and gasped at the sight that awaited me. My best friend was absolutely gorgeous. Her breasts weren't big, but they were hers, and they were perfect. Upon realizing that I was staring at her, she made a movement to cover herself up, but I stopped it when I leaned down and began trailing kisses along her jaw. She sighed in contentment and gently pushed me so that the back of my knees hit the bed before I slumped down on it. She fumbled with my belt buckle and when she cursed upon being able to unlatch it, I removed it with an animalistic movement that must have aroused her more. She got a glint in her eyes that had never been aimed in my direction in the past, but before I could do anything about it, she removed my pants and reached inside my shorts. A primal moan was released from my throat as her small hand wrapped around my hard flesh and I couldn't help but put my fingers in her hair when her lips enveloped my arousal.

I knew Lily wasn't very experienced, having only been involved with one guy that she let get past second base, yet she was making me feel things no other woman had ever done before. Her slow, almost bashful movements were stirring me into a wild frenzy, and I wasn't quite sure I could have kept going had I not pulled her body towards me so that she was straddling me. She let out her own primal moan when my arousal brushed up against her center, making me realize for the first time that she had far more clothes on than I would have wanted. I gently picked her up and placed her beside me. I turned over and positioned myself in between her legs before I began caressing her breasts. Her breath was coming in short little pants by then and her eyes were closed, making her the most beautiful sight I had ever laid eyes on. When I began to unbutton her trousers, her eyes shot open and for a moment I thought she was going to put a stop to everything. I wasn't sure if I should go on or not, when she pulled my face down to hers. I groaned into her mouth and her hips bucked when I continued to pull away at her trousers. Once I unbuttoned them, I crawled down on the bed and removed them. I will never forget the way she looked sprawled out on my bed, cheeks flushed and hair fanned across the pillow. She lifted her knees and I took that opportunity to place myself in between her legs again before showering her firm abdomen with kisses. Her hand went immediately into my hair and I couldn't have stopped myself from doing what I was about to do even if I wanted to.

I removed her knickers with slow, deliberate motions, stroking my thumb across the hard nub that made her body shudder with a sudden rush of pleasure. After teasing her with my fingers, I left a trail of wet kisses along the inside of her thighs before finally placing my lips on her hot center. I didn't know what was better; feeling her underneath me, or hearing the sounds she made. I never thought the sexy moans and whimpers escaping her mouth would be so erotic. Then, as if she wasn't already making me crazy with the bereft little sounds coming out of her mouth, another simple breathy “James” in that most seductive voice known to man was all I needed to know that I was lost to her. The sound of her voice calling my name as I touched her in the most intimate way was what made me realize that she was the only woman I ever wanted to be with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I awoke the following morning with the aura of someone who had just woken up from a night spent in heaven. I expected to have a headache after drinking the way I did the night before, but I was surprisingly feeling quite satisfied. As I slowly regained consciousness, I became aware that I was either not alone, or I had a very chiseled pillow. My eyes shot open and I found myself staring straight into James' face. He had his arm wrapped protectively around my waist, and I was resting my head on his toned chest. As realization sunk in, flashes of the previous night came rushing back to me.

I had slept with James.

What's worse is that I should have felt bad about it. I should have felt guilty at the fact that I had taken advantage of him in his drunken state. I should have been ashamed that I aroused him to the point where I knew he couldn't stop. I should have been killing myself over the fact that I had betrayed his trust. But that's the thing. I didn't feel ashamed, nor did I regret what had happened. Only two things came to mind: I had slept with my best friend, and I had enjoyed every second of it.

I remembered the way he kissed me, and the way his warm breath made me shutter as he placed his lips on my hot, aching center. His touch was addicting. I was infinitely arching towards him, knowing he was the only one I was ever meant to share everything with. I remember breathing out his name and I knew there was no one else I would have rather savored the moment with. He was a gentle lover, and deep down I wondered if he had treated every other girl with the same tenderness. He quickly made me forget about that thought as he developed a mad pace with his tongue that soon had me bucking underneath him with an unfamiliar air of ecstasy. When his tongue focused firmly over and over that sensitive spot, I came with a fury that had never escaped my body, and only word escaped my lips, “James.”

He trailed kisses up my body as I rode out my orgasm, while his hard length rubbing against my body was more than I could handle. With trembling fingers, I reached down between our bodies and took hold of his arousal with every intention to complete what we had started. He moaned under my touch and one last look into those beautiful hazel eyes was all I needed to know that he wanted it just as badly as I did. He remained motionless as we simply stared at one another; his gaze so intense that it felt like he reached the very depths of my soul. As if asking for my permission, he placed feather light kisses along my neck, then devouring my lips with his as if testing me to make sure I was ready. I immediately opened myself up to him and that's all he needed. He never took his eyes away from me as he lowered himself onto me and with one slow, erotic thrust, we became one. My eye lids fluttered shut, and our moans reverberated around his bedroom, the sound we made indiscernible as male or female. His movements were slow at first, and I could tell he was holding back. I didn't want him to hold back, so I wrapped my legs around his waist, urging him to go deeper, begging him to go faster.

As his pace quickened, I found myself arching towards him, meeting him thrust by thrust. His name became my mantra as I felt my whole world about to explode once more. I dug my nails into his back, not even caring that I might be hurting him because it all just felt so good, it all felt so right. Our thrusts became desperate and as I opened my eyes, I was met with an intense gaze that meant the world to me. Our lips met for one more heart melting kiss and when we broke apart for a much needed breath, he repeated my name in rhythm with his movements, whispering mumbled words into my hair. As the first wave of my orgasm pulsed over me, I felt him shudder, and join me in release. He stared into my glazed eyes for a moment before smiling and kissing me open-mouthed with only his lips grazing mine, his tongue lingering in the background, his breath intermingling with mine. It was the sexiest, most beautiful, and most mind-boggling kiss I had ever received from anyone and it was so utterly James that I couldn't help but smile against his lips. When he rolled off of me and settled himself at my side, he pulled me towards him so that I fit snuggly against his body before his breathing began lulling me to sleep. As I stroked his arm absently, I let out a soft sigh upon realizing that what we had just done would change our relationship forever. I didn't expect him to feel the same way about me. I didn't even expect him to still be by my side when I woke up the following morning, but nothing had ever been clearer than my sudden awareness of just how much I loved him. When I turned around in his arms to face him, he was already asleep. I placed a light kiss on his nose and whispered words to him that I never expected him to say to me before finally falling asleep.

“I love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps it was the fact that I was naked. Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that the person resting on my chest was naked too. Whatever it was, I never wanted to open up my eyes with the fear that it had all been a dream. Flashes of the previous night raced through my memory in a way that should have really been unsettling. Lily, my best friend Lily, was lying next to me, or on top of me, completely naked after the most amazing night of my life. I vaguely remembered her having instigated it all, but really, had I been able to stay awake after tumbling out of the fireplace, I probably would have done the same.

I felt her move her head away from my chest, and felt the way those emerald orbs bored into my face. She was examining me, probably thinking of a way to let me down easy after realizing she had made a mistake. I lay quite still, trying to give her the impression that I was still deep in slumber, but all I really wanted to do was stare straight back into her eyes and tell her that I would never leave her. I felt her place her head back on my chest, and the way her breath tickled when she sighed. We remained that way for several minutes before I felt her try and remove herself from me. I instinctively tightened my hold on her waist and finally opened my eyes.

“Good morning,” I croaked as I stared at her.

Her face reddened, and she quickly averted my gaze. She looked like she wanted nothing more than to run away from me.

“Morning,” she finally managed as she wrapped the sheets around her slender body and began getting out of bed. “I'm sorry James, I didn't mean…..I didn't want…” she stammered.

“Lily,” I breathed.

“I'm so sorry James,” she started. “This was a big mistake…we shouldn't have…oh god!”

“What are you on about?” I asked propping myself up on one elbow.

“Last night. We were drunk, and neither of us knew what we were doing. I kissed you, and I shouldn't have, and oh my god, I ruined everything,” she wailed as she began rummaging through the pile of clothing at the foot of my bed.

I felt as if she had just used the Cruciatus Curse on me. I felt as if a piece of my heart had been torn out and all that remained was the memory of how great she felt in my arms. Lily didn't feel the same way I did about her. I was a fool to ever think she did.

“Are you leaving?” I asked, a little harsher than I meant to.

She looked at me with wide eyes before hastily responding, “Yes, of course. I'll leave as soon as I find my knickers.”

I watched her frantic movements to recover her stray articles of clothing. I noticed the way her hands shook each time she separated my clothing from hers. What unnerved me however, was that lone tear she inconspicuously tried to wipe off her cheek.

“Lily, wait,” I said as I reached out to hold her arm. She gave me a stunned look before I continued. “Don't go.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes desperately searching mine.

“I said don't go,” I responded as I knelt at foot of the bed before her. I didn't care that I was naked, and I didn't care that my manhood was out for the world to see. All I cared about was making Lily understand that I didn't think it had been a mistake. I wanted her to know just how much she meant to me even if she didn't feel the same way about me. The way I figured it, our relationship had already changed.

“I don't understand….” she started before I cut her off.

“What I mean to say is that I want you to stay. With me. And that I'm sorry if things are awkward between us, you're my best friend and I'd never do anything to ruin that but… this isn't the way I wanted to tell you…I'm not even sure I'd have ever said anything before now…”

“James?” she probed.

“I'm not sorry about what happened last night.”

Silence. She stared at me with a look of utmost disbelief that I almost believed time had stopped for those heart wrenching seconds.

“You're not sorry about last night?” she asked, finally breaking the silence.

“What happened last night happened because I wanted it to, not because I was out of my rocker, but because I've wanted to kiss you, to hold you, to be with you since our fifth year at Hogwarts. I mean that last night happened because you're the most breathtaking woman I've ever seen. Last night happened because a bloke would have to be an impossibly daft git to never have told you that my feelings run much deeper than friendship and have always run much deeper than friendship.”

Lily was completely bowled over, that much was obvious. I'm sure she never expected me to say those things to her, and I was absolutely positive she was going to slap me at any moment. How could I have been so stupid? I practically beat her out of my life with that little confession, and her silence could have only meant that she was trying to come up with a way to let me down easy. How could I have possibly believed that after so many years of rejection, she would actually see me the way I saw her. It was Hogwarts all over again.

“James…” she started.

I knew it was coming. The familiar I don't feel that way about you, or Are you crazy? I'd hex myself before ever going out with you. It was just the natural flow of things. The scene always played out the same: James asks Lily out, Lily turns him down. I was quite used to it.

“Yeah, I know,” I responded trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “I'll get out of here so that you can get changed.”

“I'm not sorry either.”

Wait a minute. I must have been hearing things. Lily Evans would never say something like that.

“You…..you're not?” I stuttered.

She shook her head and closed the gap between us, wiping tears from her eyes. She was close enough so that I felt her breath mingle with mine.

“Then why did you…..what?” I asked, still too shocked to comprehend what was going on.

“I only said I was sorry about last night because I didn't think you felt the same about me. James, I've had feelings for you since seventh year, but you had stopped asking me out by then and I thought you were over me.”

Of all the things I expected her to say, those were the last words I would have bet my life on. She had had feelings for me since seventh year? Why didn't she say anything? I could have spared myself from a whole lot wretched relationships. Upon telling her this, she laughed nervously and hooked her arms around my neck.

“I didn't know if you still had feelings for me, and I didn't want to lose you,” she whispered against my lips.

“So last night, you did it because you wanted to, right? Not because you were drunk and thought I was plastered too?” I asked nervously.

“I knew exactly what I was doing. I just wasn't sure if you knew,” she responded, biting her lip in the most seductive way. Bloody hell, why did the blood have to go shooting straight down at that moment?

“Of course I knew what I was doing,” I said in a strained voice. “The possible consequences of our actions just didn't sink in at the moment. I wasn't sure if you were going to kill me, or just leave, never to speak to me again.”

“I would never leave you,” she answered. A smile formed on her lips when she looked down and saw the state I was in. There was no hiding the fact that a certain appendage was begging for her.

“Ignore that, it has nothing to do with this conversation,” I said as I tilted her chin so that she was looking straight into my eyes. I kissed her then, my lips just barely grazing hers, my tongue sliding slowly across her bottom lip. She sighed and began moving her arms across my bare chest.

“I love you,” I breathed.

I was shocked when I said it, but it came out so naturally that I didn't even think twice about doing it. Lily stopped kissing me, and I was lost once more in those perfect emerald green eyes. I immersed myself completely in her gaze and when she smiled, I could have sworn I had died and gone to heaven. It barely even registered that she let the bed sheet slide off her body and that she was standing naked in front of me again.

“I love you too,” she breathed into my mouth.

It wasn't until she was climbing onto the bed with me that it finally hit me like a tonne of bricks. Lily Evans felt the same way about me. Lily Evans loved me.

~~

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