Too much love can kill you by phoenixwriter

Rating: NC17
Genres: Drama, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 03/06/2003
Last Updated: 28/07/2004
Status: Completed

Very slowly, she tried to open her eyes. More and more light of the new day filtered through her
eyelids. She wasn't dead, and she wasn't in heaven. A shy smile, perhaps the first smile
for weeks, crossed her lips. Sometimes she couldn't understand why life had to be so cruel
because it could become so kind. Her heart, her very soul, had been lost but now she had both back.
At what price did this come, this new feeling of completion? Again, she noticed what a wreck she
had been. (My first smut ever and my first in english. So give me a chance. R/R I need your
comment)




1. Chapter one
--------------

**Disclaimer:** All persons in this story belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. No money
is being made off of this story, and none is wanted.

**Author Note:** This is my first story in English; so don't blame me for any mistakes.
I'm always open for constructive criticism.

TOO MUCH LOVE CAN KILL YOU Too Much Love Will Kill You I'm just the pieces of the man I used
to be

*Too many bitter tears are raining down on me*

*I'm far away from home*

*And I've been facing this alone*

*For much too long*

*I feel like no one ever told the truth to me*

*About growing up and what a struggle it would be*

*In my tangled state of mind*

*I've been looking back to find*

*Where I went wrong*

*Too much love will kill you*

*If you can't make up your mind*

*Torn between the lover*

*And the love you leave behind*

*You're headed for disaster*

*'Cos you never read the signs*

*Too much love will kill you*

*Every time*

**by Queen**

Very slowly, she tried to open her eyes. More and more light of the new day filtered through her
eyelids. She wasn't dead, and she wasn't in heaven. A shy smile, perhaps the first smile
for weeks, crossed her lips.

Sometimes she couldn't understand why life had to be so cruel because it could become so
kind. Her heart, her very soul, had been lost but now she had both back. At what price did this
come, this new feeling of completion? Again, she noticed what a wreck she had been.

It was only six weeks ago since she had failed. With her spell, she had saved his life, yet lost
his friendship. In failing, Hermione Granger had killed her best friend's girlfriend. She was
the smartest witch at Hogwarts, yet she had failed. After casting her intense charm, the Killing
Curse had reflected off of Harry, and onto Cho, a girl only weeks away from leaving school.

*It had been Ron who screamed at her as Voldemort escaped. He's since told her more than
once how stupid she was to use the shield charm. She knew it already. The second the light escaped
from her wand, she knew it was a mistake. She could have easily used* Wingardium Leviosa*, but
the shield charm was the first thing that came to mind in her moment of panic.*

*Harry wasn't speaking to her. He wasn't the same -- he was so distant. How hard had
he fought? How long had he fought to break Cho out of her sadness? It didn't matter anymore;
she was dead, killed by someone who he thought was one of his best friends. It wasn't Harry who
told Hermione that she was to blame, he didn't need to tell her, Ron did this job better than
anyone ever could.*

*Her ex-boyfriend was an expert in hurting with words. He had changed, especially after fifth
year -- when Wormtail murdered his mother. Ron wasn't the funny boy he had once been anymore.
He'd become a cynical man, a shadow of his former self. This had been one of the reasons that
Hermione ended their relationship. They couldn't talk to each other. They never could.
She'd been a fool to give him the chance to reach her heart.*

*After they returned to Hogwarts, with Cho's body, the trio was split. Harry stopped
talking to Hermione, and Ron did all he could to make her life hell. She couldn't eat,
couldn't sleep, and couldn't even study anymore. It was a miracle she even bothered to get
out of bed in the morning. The times she did, it was unbearable sitting in the Great Hall; the
students looked at her as though she was as bad as Lord Voldemort himself.*

*This wasn't the worst of it, though, not that which began to break her soul. It was
Harry. Only he could make her feel like this, pulling her further into her own personal abyss. She
could see it in his eyes. Whenever he chose to look at her, there was nothing but hatred in his
green eyes that she loved so much. Pure hatred for what she had done, for her failure.*

*Week after week, she wished with all her heart that the Killing Curse had reflected at her
instead. In her mind, though, she knew that she couldn't give up -- not yet. Even if Harry
hated her, she swore to herself that she would do all she could to save him, to keep him safe.
Voldemort wasn't dead. He was alive and well and still wanted nothing more than to finish Harry
off. But Hermione would be there, even as the wreck she'd become, even with not a friend in the
world. She would be there and she would give her life for his, so that he could live a real life
after Voldemort's defeat. This gave her the strength to go on. Only a few more weeks until
summer break, and only one more year she had to survive. She knew she could do it.*

*It was difficult to know that her former best friend spent every evening in the same room as
her. Hermione always took care to avoid Harry, leaving the common room in the mornings early for
breakfast, and staying in the library except for late at night, when she worked in her designated
corner of the common room.*

*In classes, they didn't sit next to each other anymore. They didn't even look at each
other. She decided to avoid most classes until the summer holidays. She couldn't sit there
anymore and listen to her teacher; how they told her she wasn't top of the class anymore. She
didn't care. She didn't need it anymore. Her own life had ended when Cho's did. Even
so, Hermione knew she'd be Head Girl, no matter what she did at that point.*

It was one of her bad days. She couldn't bring herself to get up. She simply lay in bed and
waited for the damn day to end. No tears were left, for she was empty. Her whole body began to show
signs of decay. The heavy dark shadows underneath her eyes. She had lost weight, too, perhaps about
fifteen pounds. Her clothes were beginning to get too big for her, hiding her too-thin frame. Her
appearance was unhealthy, but not unhealthy enough for the casual observer to notice.

*It was only six weeks from the day that she had failed Harry. She knew she had to change
back. If she didn't, she wouldn't be strong enough for the next attack from Voldemort. She
wouldn't fail the next time. But it was too difficult to go back to the way she used to be, it
was too hard to eat even one bit because she knew that someone had* died *because of her. She
didn't want to fight anymore. All that she wanted now was to close her eyes, and to never open
them again.*

*The day simply went on, passing slowly by. It was late evening when the door opened. She
didn't notice. Her eyes were shut, and she was still lost in her own personal hell in her mind.
At first, she didn’t hear anything, only the cold, dark shadow of someone brought her to open her
eyes.*

*Harry stood before her. She blinked hard, not daring to say anything. The only thing she did
was stand up. She was shaking hard, because of surprise, anticipation, and lack of food. Only a few
steps to the door, and she would be out of his reach.*

*With all of her Gryffindor bravery, she turned around to face him. He stood only a few steps
away. She could feel how he eyed her carefully.*

*"You look horrible," he said. "When was the last time you slept, or even ate
something?" His voice was hurtful to her ears. Stung, she shut her eyes and wished for him to
go away and leave her alone.*

*"It's not your problem," she said. Her voice was rough. It was the first time
she'd spoken in a long time. Harry shook his head slowly. Until now, Hermione hadn't
noticed that he wasn't wearing his glasses.*

*Slowly, he got closer to her. "I care about you. It should be my problem."*

*"Not anymore," she whispered. She could hear how her voice began to break.*

*"Don't you understand?" he whispered back. "I don't want to lose you,
Hermione."*

*"No, you didn't lose me," said Hermione, still shaking. "You lost someone
much more important to you than I could ever be." She couldn't look into his eyes anymore,
and instead fixed her eyes to a point on the floor. "Please. Just leave me alone." She
drew in a shaky breath. "Go... please." She tried to sound strong, but it only came out
as a soft plead. There was no response from Harry. It was too quiet. It was only the sound of him
breathing that told her he was still there.*

*"I didn't love her." She looked up and saw, to her surprise, that he stood
directly in front of her. His eyes burned into hers, making tears well up in her eyes.*

*She tried to get away, but he grabbed her arm almost painfully. "You don't know what
you're saying," she said, looking away.*

*"I thought I would, but I didn't," said Harry, his voice rough. It softened
slightly as she flinched. "You know it's true, don't you?" His face was only
inches away from hers now.*

*Hermione could feel his breath on her skin. She didn't dare move, nor speak. With his
hand, he cupped her cheek, and leaned closer until his lips were near hers. She could feel how he
touched her. How he wanted to kiss her. He touched her lips carefully, gently. It felt so right,
but it had to be wrong. She tried to back away, but he didn't let her. He held her face close
to his.*

*"Don't," whispered Hermione. It was all she could say. He cut her off with a
gentle kiss of his lips. His tongue ran slowly over her lower lip. Hermione couldn’t resist
anymore, and parted her lips for him. Only a second later, she could feel how his tongue touched
hers. It was as if the sky exploded. All the pain, all the weeks of loneliness was forgotten. Harry
pulled her closer to him, and wrapped one arm around her waist. With his other hand, he held her
head closer to his. She'd never been this close to him before.*

*Hermione attempted to resist. She couldn't let her feelings take control. Her heart began
to beat quickly. Her eyelids shut once more, as he began caressing her tongue with his own. She
hadn't kissed him back until now -- she couldn't. But she couldn't stop him, either.
His hand, warm and gentle, ran over her back, stringing it slowly. She didn't know how long she
could resist kissing him back.*

*She could feel her old feelings of want growing back inside of her. She had wanted this for
so long, and now here he was, holding her close to him. But she couldn't do it. Not after what
she'd done to him, after what she'd put him through. Harry let go of her head and his hand
travelled down her side. It was simply too much for her -- she was his.*

*Hermione touched his face and brought him as close as possible, kissing him back uncertainly.
It wasn't wrong anymore. She couldn't think of anything more right. He broke the kiss and
brought his lips to her cheek lightly, before moving on to her neck. He flicked his tongue over her
skin lightly, and began to unbutton her pyjamas.*

*As she felt his hands on her skin, she bit her lower lip. His tongue was now at her
earlobe.*

*"I need you," he whispered into her ear. Hermione turned her head to look at him,
and stared into his darkened green eyes.*

*"I need you more," she replied. Her voice was low, and tears were shining in her
eyes.*

*"Shh." He kissed her again and took her into his arms. He lifted her up and carried
her to the bed. Her pyjama top was nearly unbuttoned, and his hand was back on her skin. He barely
touched her, merely grazing her skin with his fingertips, but it was intense enough for her to
shiver underneath his touch. Carefully, Harry kissed her softly from her neck to her collarbone,
and she couldn't hold back the soft moan of pleasure. It was so good to* feel *again. To
forget how alone she'd been.*

*He undid the last buttons, and she could feel his warm breath on her skin. With one of his
fingers, he traced slowly around her right breast. He knew what to do to get her. It was amazing
how his touch made her feel loved. With feather light kisses around her nipple, she could feel
herself shivering beneath him. Far too slowly, in her opinion, he moved his tongue in circles over
her sensitive breast and around her nipple. He then took her nipple completely in his mouth and
began to suck on it.*

*Hermione gasped at his warmth. Frustrated, Hermione grabbed for his t-shirt and tried to pull
it off. Harry took her hands in his and helped her before allowing her to pull her arms out of her
own top. He kissed her fully on her mouth, and slipped his tongue into her warm mouth as he moved
his thumbs over her breasts. She was becoming more and more aroused by his soft, gentle hands on
her skin and as he grabbed her breast fully, she moaned again.*

*She let her hands run across his chest. She could feel how his breath became faster at her
touch. Softly, she touched the muscles across his stomach. His muscles strained and flexed beneath
her fingers. She was surprised that she could do this to him. Quickly, her pyjama bottoms were
pulled down and taken off. Hermione didn't know how he'd done it. Maybe it was magic, but
she knew for sure that his hands were there, and that they had touched along her legs to her
knees.*

*All this time, he continued to nip at her breasts -- first her left one, then her right. She
knew she'd go crazy if he continued to tease her this way. She gasped out softly as she felt
Harry's hand between her thighs. He looked directly at her as his middle finger slid between
her legs. Hermione closed her eyes as he rubbed across her clitoris. His warm breath was all over
her skin, but he didn't kiss her. He only watched her as his fingers slipped carefully
in.*

*Slowly, he moved in and out and her hips began to meet his thrusts. Suddenly, Harry stopped
and took his fingers out of her. Hermione groaned quietly, wanting him more than anything. She
wanted him completely. She opened her eyes and saw directly into his. Her hands went down to his
trousers. With surprising ease, she undid the button and unzipped his trousers. She smiled when he
saw that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.*

*With a little help from Harry, she pulled off his trousers and his boxer shorts. Her hands
were shaking slightly. She hadn't gone this far with anyone, until now. But now... it was
different. There were no fears or regrets that this could be wrong. It was right.* More *than
right. As he shifted, his erection pressed against her thigh. With his right hand, he touched her
cheek lightly. His eyes were burning with desire.*

*"Are you sure you want this?" he asked, his voice low and filled with more desire
than ever. "You can tell me if you don't."*

*"I want you," was her desperate reply. She kissed him deeply. With his other hand,
he parted her legs gently and laid himself between them. His erection was now only inches away from
entrance. She could feel the heat emitting from him. She stopped kissing him and looked into his
strained face. Slowly, he began to enter until he reached her barrier to stop.*

*"Kiss me," he commanded, his voice husky. Hermione did what he asked of her, and
kissed him with all the love and desire she felt. She touched his lips with her tongue until they
opened up for her. She had barely begun to touch his tongue with hers as she felt a sharp pain in
her lower abdomen.*

*Hermione broke the kiss. But before she could leave his mouth, he kissed her back, caressing
her tongue with his. In the meantime, his hands stroked her side down to her thighs. The pain
dissipated as he began to move slowly inside her. At first, she felt a light tickle, which quickly
became desire.*

*He was still caressing her tongue as he laid her legs around his waist. It was amazing how
deep he was now. She opened her mouth more as he thrust deeper and faster into her. Muffled moans
escaped from both of their lips. Hermione pressed her legs more tightly around his waist as she
started to move her hips against him. He went faster, and his mouth left hers.*

*Hermione could feel Harry's ragged breaths against her skin and she tried to catch her
own breath as she started to feel how something was growing deep inside of her. She began to bite
her lower lip in delight while both his hands grasped her bottom to get her even closer to
him.*

*His thrusts were unbelievably fast and deep. Her moans grew louder as she began to lose her
mind completely. She could only feel now. It seemed that he touched her soul with every new thrust.
Every time they met, it was as though fireworks were only seconds away from burning and exploding.
Her muscles around his erection began to twitch. She felt how they twitched in rhythm to her
heartbeat.*

*Hermione screamed as she reached her edge and only seconds later, she felt Harry's
release into her. His breathing was burningly fast as he laid his head on her shoulder. His arms
were wrapped tightly around her, and hers around him. She ran her fingertips through his damp
hair.*

*It was wonderful to lie there, and merely feel.*

"You don't know how badly I need you," he whispered. "I love you, always and
forever. Near and far, together and apart. I'd follow you anywhere, do anything for you."
Her response was a soft kiss onto his forehead.



2. Chapter two
--------------

**Disclaimer:** All persons in this story belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers. No money
is being made off of this story, and none is wanted.

**Author's Note:** I want to explain something. The title of this fic is song title, and
every chapter title is also a song title. One of my reviewers recognised what Harry said there is
from a song. ("I love you always and forever...") A little more of an explanation is that
'Too Much Love Can Kill You' is by Queen, 'In These Arms' by Bon Jovi,
'Ironic' by Alanis Morisette, and 'Don't Be Cruel' is by Elvis Presley. I hope
you understand how my fic works.

IN THESE ARMS In These Arms You want a commitment

*Take a look into these eyes*

*They burn with a fire, just for you now*

*Until the end of time*

*I would do anything*

*I'd beg, I'd steal, I'd die*

*To have you in these arms tonight*

*Baby, I want you like the roses*

*Want the rain*

*You know I need you*

*Like a poet needs the pain*

*I would give anything*

*My blood, my love, my life*

**by Bon Jovi**

Harry rubbed his eyes. His glasses were broken on the floor of the common room. He didn't
need them now. It had been the worst weeks in his life. Never had he thought it could be so bad.
But now, he knew it could. He knew he lost. In his mind, he could hear Ron screaming angrily. Harry
wondered how Ron could scream like that at Hermione. Even Harry couldn't speak or react to
Cho's dead body on the floor. He could see how he'd lost Hermione, too. Her eyes were
dulled as she dared to look into his. Voldemort had escaped, and Cho had been killed. Harry knew
that it was because Hermione had failed, but his mind could hardly comprehend it. Now he was
sitting there, and he didn't know what he should do. His mind, his very heart, was screaming
that he couldn't take to lose her too.

In his mind, he could hear the fight earlier, between him and Ron.

Harry looked around. It had been nearly six weeks since Cho died, and Hermione wasn't there.
He hadn't the strength to talk to her. All that he knew before Cho died was now wrong, or it
felt wrong for him. His head was spinning in circles. His soul -- it hurt badly. Nothing was how it
should be.

*"Ron?" he said. It was the first time in days that he said something. Ron barely
looked up at Harry, waiting. "Where is -- Her... Hermione?" With difficulty, he could say
her name.*

*It wasn't the pain he felt about her guiltiness over Cho's death. It was something
else. He couldn't look at Hermione, because she looked so terrible when he saw her in classes.
Like she wasn't herself -- like she was someone else, without any fire in her brown eyes. It
hurt to see her. But he knew he shouldn't think so. He should be sad about the death of his
girlfriend. He was sad, but not as sad as he should be.*

*"Hopefully not anywhere near here," answered Ron.*

*They were in the common room of Gryffindor Tower, and Harry kept glancing towards the
portrait hole. "*Hopefully*?" Harry was looking at Ron. "Have you seen her --
how terrible she looks? It's like she's given up. How can you say
'*hopefully*'? She is, after all, our friend -- isn't she?" His voice rose
dramatically*

*"How can I say that?" snapped Ron. "She killed Cho. You should be even angrier
with her than I am -- you shouldn't be worrying about her! If you haven't noticed, Hermione
is not my friend anymore and I hope you have the sense to not have her as a friend anymore,
either!" Ron's own voice rose, too.*

*"Damn it, Ron. She's my friend and I don't want to lose her. Hermione is too
important to me -- I won't let her down." Harry was nearly screaming, and all the
Gryffindors were watching on. Harry's glasses shattered, anger boosting the accidental
magic.*

*"Slowly, I'm asking myself who you love, Harry," snarled Ron. "Was it Cho,
or always Hermione?"*

*By these words, Harry jumped to his feet. But he didn't say a thing. He took one breath
before he took his glasses and threw them on the floor. Then he turned and left.*

Now Harry was sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace. His thoughts were about Hermione,
and what he truly felt for her. His mind was spinning madly. Ron's words were echoing through
his mind. Was it really always Hermione? Did he love her? There wasn't an easy answer to that.
True, Hermione was one of his best friends, and he loved her for that, but romantically? Suddenly,
every scene with her in his life replayed before his eyes. He could see things that he never truly
saw before. He saw her gentle smiles at him, the curve of her lips. He shook his head. It
couldn't be -- could it?

He knew only one thing. He had to talk to her immediately. It was time to bring it all to an
end. Six weeks was long enough, and he couldn't take more. Though he had looked at her with
narrowed eyes, it was always with sadness that she looked so bad, never hate. Slowly, he drew in a
deep breath before he stood up and went to the girls' dormitory to see her. The door to the
dormitory wasn't closed. Without any sound, he went into the fairly dark room. On her bed, he
could see her. She was lying there, and she looked asleep. Lonely. His heart went out to her, hurt
by the sight that he saw in front of him.

Her eyelids fluttered open. Again, he saw those beautiful sad eyes. How long ago was it that he
had seen those eyes and was lost? It had been in his fifth year as he had looked into those eyes
and nearly started to fall for his best friend's girlfriend. He had seen it on her face that
she felt the same way for him, but it was impossible. It had been nothing more than hormones. In
those days, he needed to look at her without feeling, which wasn’t right. Slowly, he saw how
Hermione rose from her bed and attempted to leave the room. She looked weak, not like herself, but
Harry was falling for her anyway.

Maybe this time was worse than ever. The door was only a few steps away from her as Harry began
to speak. "Wait!" It didn't stop her.

With fast steps, he went to her. "Hermione, wait. Don't go."

Everything stopped. Hermione slowly turned around and looked at him. Her eyes never met his.
Again, she tried to avoid him. He could see dark shadows under her eyes, even though she was
sleeping only a few minutes before. Her face was thinner than it had been weeks before. Only her
eyes could make it worse -- they were so dull now.

"You look horrible," he said. "When was the last time you slept, or even ate
anything?"

But she only closed her tired eyes for a few seconds. It felt like an eternity to him. For a
long time, he watched her face. It was ghostly pale, but still beautiful. Her chest was rising and
falling slowly. It was as if he saw her for the very first time again, though he knew every inch of
her face and how it could react.

"It's not your problem!" He could barely hear her voice.

How could she say that? Disbelievingly, he shook his head. Though he wasn't wearing his
glasses, he could read the expression on her face. He saw her more clearly than ever. "I care
about you," he said. "It should be my problem."

"Not anymore!" Her voice broke as she said this. He watched her carefully. This
wasn't possible. She couldn't believe that, could she? As he saw her face, closer now, he
knew she could and it was as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest.

"Don't you understand? I don’t want to lose you, Hermione."

"No, you didn't lose me. You lost someone much more important to you than I could ever
be." To Harry's surprise, she didn't sound angry, only sad and guilty. Hermione was so
wrong. She looked down. "Please. Just leave me alone." She bit her lip. "Go...
please."

Nothing could make him leave now. It was simply too much to ask for. If she looked at him, she
would have spotted the tears shining in his eyes. He took a few steps and stood in front of her.
"I didn't love her," he said, saying exactly what he thought at that exact
moment.

"You don't know what you're saying," she snapped, starting to move away.

That wasn't the end, not yet. Quickly, he grabbed her arm so she couldn't leave. In her
expression, he could see that he hurt her slightly, but did not let go.

"I thought I would, but I didn't," he said. "You know it's true,
don't you?" With his hand, he caressed her cheek now. He was so close now. At first, he
didn't realise it, but now it was too late. He couldn't back away now.

Carefully, he watched her surprised expression, and then closed the space between them and
barely kissed her lips. Hermione backed away, but he couldn't let her. It was so right, feeling
his lips against hers.

"Don't." It wasn't time to speak anymore, it was time to feel. Once again, he
stopped her with his lips. Carefully, he tasted her lips with his tongue. Her lips parted from his
touch. The world around him was spinning away as he caressed her tongue with his. Hermione
didn't give in, and he wished she would kiss him back. He pulled her closer against his body as
he put his arm around her waist. With his other hand, he held her head much closer to him. It fit
-- she fit in his arms perfectly. He wanted her to feel again -- to feel that she was living
again.

Barely, he kissed her as his hands begun to stoke her back. If this was the first and the last
kiss, then he needed to touch her even more. His mind didn't work right anymore, he realised.
Maybe he went too far, maybe he would lose her with this, but the sceptical voice in Harry's
head was far too quiet and didn't have enough power against the feeling that was now stronger
than anything he'd ever felt before. With his right hand, he touched her side. Suddenly, before
Harry could back away, her arms were around his neck and she pulled him back into the kiss. All of
time vanished as her tongue touched his.

Very lightly, he kissed her back before he broke the kiss and touched, softly with his lips, her
cheek. He knew now that it was right**.** It was right to give in to his feelings. Softly, he
kissed her neck before he touched her soft skin with his tongue. Harry knew Hermione would stop him
if he went too far, and continued. He began to unbutton her pyjama top uncertainly. He could feel
her smooth skin under his palms. He felt no awkward feelings, thankfully. Softly, he nipped at her
earlobe.

"I need you," he murmured into her hear. Hermione's head turned to him, and he
could see her brown eyes shining with tears.

" I need you more," she replied. Her voice was so quiet that it was difficult to hear
her.

"Shh." This time he kissed her with more care. At this moment, he needed her so much
that he couldn't take it if it ended and he didn't come out of this abyss she sunk into.
With both arms, he lifted her and carried her to the bed without breaking the kiss. He was on top
of her as he lay his hands on her stomach.

It was unbelievable how soft her skin was. Lightly, very lightly, he let his hands travel over
her skin. His hands were between her breasts as he kissed and licked her neck down to her
collarbone. A shy smile played at his lips as he heard Hermione react to his touches. The remaining
buttons were undone quickly and he saw how perfect she was. He observed her closely in amazement,
stroking her right breast with one finger. As he leaned down to kiss her nipple lightly, he felt
her hands running through his hair. Barely, his tongue darted out and caressed the now rock hard
nipple with his tongue.

For a brief moment, he sucked lightly on it. Hermione gasped quietly, which made him even more
aroused. He didn't expect her to so eagerly grasp at his t-shirt to try and pull it off. He
raised his arms and shifted to help her get it off of her. After this, she took her arms out of the
sleeves of her pyjama top. With his tongue, he explored her mouth and continued to move his thumbs
over her breasts before he grasped them fully.

As her hands ran over his chest, he could feel how much this was what he wanted. He wanted her
more than he ever had in his life. With both hands, Harry pushed her pyjama bottoms down until they
were off of her completely. Gently, he stroked her thighs while still sucking on her breasts.
Carefully, he laid his right hand between her thighs and slipped a finger in. Slowly, he rubbed
against her clitoris.

Her breathing became deeper and faster from this. Nothing could compare with this expression as
his finger slid carefully between her legs. Fascinated, he watched her as he slid in and out of her
until her hips tried to meet his fingers. Harry wanted to be as close as possible to Hermione; to
feel her inside and outside. He took his hand away. Hermione groaned quietly, and her eyes stared
into his.

They were so dark now, filled with passion and desire. A hungry desire with such an
indescribable glow. Suddenly, he was caught in those eyes and didn’t realise how she had unbuttoned
his jeans with a smile on her lips. Automatically, he pulled his jeans and boxer shorts completely
off. His eyes never left hers. They were only inches away from crossing a line, which didn't
really exist. He cupped her cheek with his hand and softly stroked her face with his thumb.

"Are you sure you want this? You can tell me if you don't." He knew she would say
yes -- it was written clearly in her eyes.

"I want you," she answered huskily, before she grasped at him and kissed him with such
power that he was lost again. His other hand went down and parted her legs. As he lay between her,
he could feel the heat from her radiating against him. Hermione broke the kiss as he entered her.
Slowly, very slowly, he went further. It was so hard to ignore this fantastic feeling. She was warm
around him, and she was holding him tighter than he could imagine. Never did he think he'd
cross this line with her. He had always fought against his feelings for her. Today he was only one
inch away.

"Kiss me," he commanded. Without hesitation, she kissed him. Her soft lips touched his
before her tongue ran over his lips, which parted for her. As she touched his touch, he slid
through her barrier. Suddenly, she stopped kissing him, but he didn't let her break the
kiss.

Harry took her legs around his waist. As he felt how much deeper he was, he moaned. In his ears,
he could hear her response. Their kiss became more intense as his thrusts became faster. He could
feel her legs tightly around him and felt how she moved her hips against him. Harry's breathing
was faster, and so he left her mouth to catch his breath. Hermione's arms were tightly around
his neck, and slowly her hands travelled across his back as he went even faster. He couldn't
give more than that, so he grasped her bottom to bring her even closer. Indeed, he couldn't get
any closer. Her grip on his shoulder became harder as her moans grew louder. From one thrust to
another, she was tighter and pulsating. Her grip was now almost painful, though he didn't care,
as he watched how she was almost on the edge. This expression on her face was new, and he was sure
that it was now his favourite. Tightly, her eyes shut and her mouth opened lightly, her head in his
neck. Before he knew it, he himself was over the edge.

It was so powerful that he didn't know when it was ever more intense. He laid his head on
her shoulder and her arms went around him. Harry knew that he had never felt so complete before.
Hermione's hand ran through his hair.

Without thinking, he spoke. "You don't know how badly I need you," he whispered.
"I love you, always and forever. Near and far, together and apart. I'd follow you
anywhere, do anything for you." Her response was a soft kiss onto his forehead.



3. Chapter three
----------------

**3. A little bit ironic**

Ironic

*Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...*

By Alanis Morisette

The sunshine was falling into the room right into her face. Slowly she blinked her eyes. There
was so much light it was nearly painful. Somehow she had that feeling she was safe now. Here in her
bed, she wasn’t in any danger. What a strange dream she had had. It was as if she had actually
spoken to him and then to dream that he was here and did love her. After all he was her friend.
Yeah, her best friend. A small smile appeared on her face. Suddenly this smile faded. The very
first smile in weeks faded away as quickly as it appeared. Hermione was now aware that someone was
holding her tightly with unbelievably warm arms. This can’t be, can it? Somebody was pressed
against her back. With a pang she realised that she was naked. Once more she closed her eyes and
thought that this has to be a dream. This can’t be true.

Hermione could feel how his breath was against her skin. She was sure she hadn’t dreamt it. It
had been real. Harry started to move behind her. His hands were moving all over her body. Lips were
travelling over her neck. His lips and his hands were it. It felt so good but her mind started to
work again. She pressed her eyes tightly shut. *Don’t think, please just don’t think.* But
this nasty little voice in her head was muttering again and again that this wasn’t right. Her
feelings told her that it wasn’t wrong. It couldn’t be wrong. Instead her mind shuts up before it
starts a new attack like Harry, who was lightly sucking her neck and at the same time stroking her
belly working his way towards her breasts. *First you kill his girlfriend and now you cross the
line.* How could this have happened? How did he shut her mind up yesterday? Hermione didn’t need
wait to long to get her answer to that. He was kissing her again on her lips and she didn’t
hesitate to open her mouth.

Gently, too gently his tongue battled with hers. With her right hand she brought his head closer
to her. Slowly she sat up still kissing him with his hands around her. *You can’t let it happen
again.* *But I need it. Don’t be so selfish.* Carefully she ended this kiss and opened her
eyes. In front of her eyes was Harry’s face. His sleepy eyes were burning into hers. She gulped
lightly when she saw that he wasn’t wearing anything although a blanket did cover his legs up to
his waist. With his thumbs he went slowly over her breasts. If he did that any longer she would
lose her mind once more. Her feelings would win again over her mind. Lightly he kissed her
shoulder. She took a deep breath. Harry didn’t make it any easier. Everything he did just made it
more difficult for her.

This was too fast. Yesterday they didn’t talk, didn’t even look at each other. Only one step in
her bedroom changed everything. How could this happen? How could her own mind lose against her weak
feelings? She knew it. Oh, Hermione knew how this could happen. Six weeks alone were the reason.
Six weeks without hope, without warmth. Now she wasn’t alone anymore. Now he held her, touched her,
even licked her bare skin. But still it was wrong. Harry wasn’t supposed to do that. She wasn’t
supposed to get it. This time her mind was stronger than yesterday. “Harry!” she whispered. He
still didn’t stop touching her to let her clear her mind. Lightly she groaned by this. That was so
difficult to say and still he didn’t let her get a clear mind. It was cloudy and weak against her
feelings. “I..I..!” she started again but all that came out was stuttering. “It’s all right,
Hermione. I’m here.” He interrupted her. His eyes were again looking straight at her. Her own hand
reached after his face and touched his cheek. At this point she was aware that she didn’t want to
let go off him, not yet.

*You’re so selfish.* The voice rings through her mind in the second his lips meet hers.
Maybe this was still her dream. *Maybe you want this too much.* Her tongue meets his. She
didn’t care now who started it even though one side of her wanted to stop it. Before she knew what
Harry was doing, she was again on the bed and he was on top of her, holding her erect nipples
between his fingers and rubbing lightly over them. Hermione could feel how much this aroused her.
This was what she wanted. Suddenly she was aware that he was even more aroused by this. It brought
her mind back. *You know it’s wrong!* She didn’t kiss back, didn’t run her fingers through his
hair, and didn’t touch his back anymore.

Harry stopped kissing her lips and instead he was travelling down to her neck. Licking and
sucking her skin there, he moved on to her collarbone. Before she could say anything one of her
breasts was in his mouth. She tried to hold back her moan but it escaped her throat. “Harry,
please…!” Hermione whispered between two fast breaths. Between her thighs she could feel his hand
resting there causing her breath to come faster. If she didn’t stop him now it would be too late.
“Please, st… Oh my god!” He interrupted her with his finger in her sex. A second one slipped into
her causing her to let out a moan. Slowly he moved his hand. He stopped to suck on her breasts and
then he blew over them. With his open mouth he travelled back to her face. Her eyes were open as
she stared into his. She could read in his eyes all the wanting, lust and most amazingly of all
love. Love for her that wasn’t possible. Not after what she had done to him. “We..we have to..stop
this!” Hermione managed to say, though it brought her close to insanity. “Why?” He murmured as he
bent down to her face and let a rain of kisses over it. Still his fingers were in her moving in and
out. So damn slow moving. “Because it’s too fast.” “It isn’t too fast.” He answered shortly as he
moved from her. Now he laid there like before with her back to his front.

She knew that she needed to do something before it was too late. *But you want it to be too
late.* His erection was pressing against her. With one arm he brought her closer to him. Now he
was only inches away from her entrance. She felt the heat from him. “We didn’t even talk to each
other.” She breathed out as he slid out his fingers. “We couldn’t talk about pain.” His breath
tickled into her ear. “How you looked at me…!” Her voice was breaking lightly. “I hated it so much
what Voldemort did to us; that he could separate us like that.” Harry whispered hoarsely as he
kissed her once more on her lips. Now her mind shut down completely. With her left hand she went
between her thighs passing his hand there and guided his member to her waiting entrance. Hermione
pulled herself closer to him. Her butt crushed into his hips and his erection was deep into her.
This feeling caused her to open her mouth wider and allowed Harry’s tongue to explore more of her
warmth.

Slowly he moved against her with his hand still between her thighs. Still rubbing and teasing
her clit. With every thrust he went faster. Hermione meet his hips as she started to feel this
amazing feeling build up inside of her. His moan was muffled. All over her breast his hand was
gently kneading it. Her muscles clenched tighter around his erection. Loudly she moaned as she
reached her edge. Her breath was fast but her heartbeat was faster and Harry was still moving still
thrusting into her with such power that it was nearly breath taking. Seconds later he met his
release with one final thrust into her deeper than before. Lightly she felt how cold sweat was
building on her hot body. “It’s ironic.” Hermione said after several minutes. Harry’s arms were
tightly around her. There was no space between them. “It’s ironic that my mind is so weak against
you.” She went on but he didn’t hear her. His deep breaths told her he was sleeping.



4. Chapter four
---------------

**4. Don´t be cruel**

Baby, if I made you mad
for something I might have said,
Please, let's forget the past,
the future looks bright ahead,
Don't be cruel to a heart that's true.
I don't want no other love,
Baby it's just you I'm thinking of.

Don't stop thinking of me,
don't make me feel this way,
Come on over here and love me,
you know what I want you to say.
Don't be cruel to a heart that's true.
Why should we be apart?
I really love you baby, cross my heart.

**By Elvis Presley**

Late morning and he was still sleepy. Maybe it was that he wasn’t in his bed. Maybe because he
had had sex with his best female friend. What a strange 12 hours that had been. Nervous he went
with his hand through his hair. The place on his side was empty but still warm. Harry was alone in
her room, alone lying in her bed. The sunshine was streaming much stronger through the windows on
the mess of this room.

Harry should have known it. Should have known that it had been too much feelings, too much love.
Like being bottled in to a small glass, and then someone suddenly opening it and all the emotions
steam out. What did he expect? That Hermione could forget if he couldn’t even forget. But still he
knew that he loved her ,but did she love him? This wasn’t the right situation for them. They
shouldn’t start it like that**.** He had always thought that if he fell for her, that it would
be different. That they would go slow. But it hadn’t been slow and it didn’t bother him. Not as
much as the fact that they hadn’t been close in the past six weeks. Hermione was different and so
alone. She wasn’t living her life anymore. She was feeling so low and unable to function, that she
wasn’t even in her classes everyday.

Cho was dead and Hermione was guilty. *No, she isn’t guilty It’s Voldemort. Only he did
it.* If Harry closed his eyes he could see Hermione with her wand in her shaking hand and this
wide open eyed look as if she wanted to just faint. This picture did hurt him. He couldn’t
understand why he hadn’t felt something more as Cho was falling on the ground. Only as he looked up
to Hermione he could feel how empty his heart went.

Still he could hear Ron’s voice from yesterday. This sharp hissing that told Harry what a fool
he was. Maybe his glasses were still lying broken on the floor. *“Did you ever love Cho or was it
always Hermione?” Ron yelled at Harry after he told Ron that he still cared for Hermione.*
*Shaking for anger he jumped to his feet took his glasses which were shattered from his nose and
throw it with much more power to the floor. Without a second word he left the common room and went
to the prefect area.*

What happened then was amazing. Slowly he sat up in her bed. It was time to stand up. But he
didn’t want to face this problem. Thinking of what Hermione said this morning, Harry thought if he
held her, if he kissed her, she would forget. He was wrong, he knew it now. She had left him there
all alone. With all of his heart he wished they could just go on without looking back. Didn’t she
know how short life could be? Didn’t she know that he didn’t want to lose her? That he only wanted
to feel her, to feel that she was alive again! Off course she knew it, but did she want what he
wanted?

“We..we have to..stop this!” she had had told him with difficulty. He would have stopped if she
hadn’t guided him back to her. All he wanted to do was to hold her and make her forget. Sadly he
wasn’t successful. With one push, he jumped out of bed. He couldn’t stand to lay there and think.
Where was she - maybe in the bathroom or in the prefect common room. Harry didn’t know. Hermione
was gone when he woke up. She left him alone.

His boxers were lying on the floor. He put them on and took the rest of his clothes in his arms.
His wish was now a nice hot shower. As he opened the door, he noticed it was much darker in the
corridor. Without his glasses, it was much more difficult to see anything more than 6 feet in front
of him. Lucky Hermione wasn’t that far away yesterday.

On the other side of this corridor was his room and a little bathroom, so he didn’t need to take
that big prefect bathroom. Somehow it was better for him to know he wouldn’t meet any other
student. Especially not Ron who used this bathroom, too. It was like a different life now. Now that
the trio was spliced. It had been six weeks, and Harry couldn’t bring himself to speak with
Hermione. He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t think she was guilty. He could see everyday how worse
she felt. This pain that he felt, was the worst he had ever felt in his life. And to watch how
Hermione suffered by that, knowing he could end it, but not being ready because he didn’t know the
right words. What should had he told her? No word on this world could take it away.

After Harry’s 4th year, he had the same feelings as Hermione did. It was difficult
for him to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t guilty. Nobody could take this feeling from
him not even Cho. “Yeah, Cho!” he murmured slowly and sighed. Damn it, if the guilt Hermione felt
towards Cho’s death was anywhere near what he felt at the time of Cedric’s death, he knew this
simply was not right.

Harry was still standing in the door lost in his thoughts. Lost in the past. Slowly he shook his
head and went on to his room. It was difficult without his glasses. Take this out. It was so dark
in this corridor. He found a door and pushed open. “This isn’t my room,” he said to himself in
surprise. Somehow he had managed to open the bathroom door.

A mist was flowing through this little room and it was hot in here. Now Harry knew where
Hermione was. “Sorry, I didn’t know…!” he said unsure because he didn’t see anything. It was
different now. Not like this early morning where he was sleepy and wasn’t thinking, but now he was
awake and standing in a bathroom full with mist. Lightly he started to sweat. On his heels he
turned around and wanted to leave her alone.

“Wait! I wanna talk to you.” He heard her voice beyond the mist.

“Can we..can we do that later? I mean a bathroom isn’t the best place, is it?!” To his own
surprise he was nervous. Nervous about what she could say to him.

In his heart, he had a bad feeling. He didn’t like how she sounded. Hermione´s voice was so
distant, without emotions. Nothing like it was a few hours ago.

“It can’t wait…” she broke up. Slowly he turns back, the mist still in front of him. He couldn’t
see a tiny thing from her. Before he knew it, in front of him stood Hermione wrapped tightly in a
white towel. Her long bushy brown hair was wet. She was lightly sweating or was it still water? He
didn’t know it. His mouth went dry as he saw her.

“Hermione, I don’t think this is a good idea.” He croaked.

“I need to say that to stop it.” With wide eyes he saw to her. This wasn’t serious. She didn’t
mean what he just thought.

“I..I wanted to end this earlier but…but I couldn’t you were to close. We did cross the line,
Harry! This isn’t right. You aren’t supposed to sleep with me and I’m not suppose to touch you like
that.” She went on.

“What?” Harry asked blankly.

“You hear me right. I can’t do that.”

“Are you telling me that was wrong? But it isn’t wrong, not if I love you!” His clothes did fall
on the floor. He was now truly shocked. For the first time, Harry recognised that Hermione wasn’t
looking at him. Her eyes were fixed on her hands which shook lightly.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean so.” She whispered.

“I mean every word I said to you. Why are you doing this? This doesn’t bring her back. Hermione,
you have to go on.” His anger was rising, and deeply breathed in.

“You just don’t understand me. I didn’t do it because of..of her I do it because of us.”

“Right, I don’t understand you. Can’t you see that I don’t want to lose you?” He reached with
his hand to touch her cheek, but she backed away.

“Well, we are in the same boat, aren’t we?! Let’s just stay friends.” Her voice was absolute
without any emotions.

“Friends? We were always more than just friends.” All he wanted right now was to put his arms
around her tightly. But this was impossible. She stood there in this white towel with the water
from her hair streaming over her skin. This wasn’t right. That his feelings weren’t right.

“Call it what you wish, but we have to go back to that.”

“This..This isn’t like switching back to normal. You know that damn well that it isn’t like
that.” He felt how his voice was rising.

“You think I don’t know it? Off course I know it. But after all that had happened, this is the
last thing that could have helped us. We would destroy everything that is left.” She sighed and
looked up straight into his eyes. There was sadness and something he couldn’t describe but it made
his heart jump.

“How will you know?” his voice was barely a whisper.

“I just know it. Look what happened between you and Ron between us three. We aren’t friends
anymore. But that is what we need to be- the war isn’t over. The worst things haven’t happened yet.
We need to stay close and not separate.”

In her voice there was a pleading that wasn’t there before. “Who said that we can’t be close if
we stay where we are now? What is wrong with that?”

She turned around by these words. “Because friends don’t do that.” As she said that she faced
him again and her face became cramped. Only some pearls of sweat made it softer.

“Don’t be cruel, Hermione. Don’t be cruel to me and not to yourself.” To his own horror, his
voice was pleading, displaying all of his feelings.

Again he reached with his hand after her face. He barely touched it as she took his hand in
hers.

“Don’t. It wouldn’t change anything. I know it’s hard but it’s for the best.” A sad smile
appeared at her face as she let go of his hand.

“I won’t take it. Don’t think I’ll let you do this. For once in your life, be selfish,
Hermione….” He went on but she went around him and left him alone in the bathroom.

“You can’t shoot down feelings. You simply can’t. It makes it irrational.” Harry’s own voice was
echoing from the walls. Emptiness was what he felt. But in the same time he wanted to run after her
embrace her and bring her back to him.



5. Chapter five
---------------

.

**5. Is it enough?**

**Anything But Ordinary**

*Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breath?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please*

**By Avril Lavigne**

She could hear Harry’s angry voice as she closed the door behind her. Taking a shaking breath,
Hermione leaned against the wooden door. She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to face him one
more time, at least right now. It had cost her every bit of her control to stay there and to tell
him it hadn’t been right. With her hair dripping wet, wearing only the towel, she became aware that
this was the room where everything had happened. What was it that was keeping her from being with
Harry? Something deep inside off her was against it, against the fact that she had lost control
yesterday and again this morning. “Is it enough?” she asked herself. Her own voice was so unsure.
Slowly she became aware of what it was that she was feeling.

It was the naked fear that he could cost her everything. She had been a mess because of Cho’s
death. But what would happen if she lost Harry? She needed to be distant with him again, but would
it be enough? With both hands she pushed herself away from the door. Luckily today was Saturday and
maybe she could hide in her room, hide from her feelings which weren’t as strong as her mind that
was telling her to keep her distance. Never before did Hermione feel like this. There was so much
confusion between her heart and her head. Feeling frustrated she went to her cupboard. Slowly she
opened it and searched for fresh muggle clothing.

For the entire morning, she thought about how she should go on from here. How could they sort
this out in these last few weeks in the year? It was time to reunite the trio, and this was another
reason she needed to deny her feelings for Harry. She loudly threw the doors to the cupboard shut
and now held some jeans and a nice shirt. She didn’t care that her bedroom looked like shit or that
her hair was still wet like her body. Her mind kept working. It was telling her to run back to him
and tell him it was all a mistake. That she didn’t mean what she had said. But she couldn’t risk it
for anything in this world. She laid her clothes down on the bed, and made her way back to the
cupboard to get some underwear. However, before she could reach the cupboard door, the door to her
room burst open. She turned around saw him for a second. “Ha…!” Hermione said lamely but was cut
off by a strong embrace.

His arms were tight around her waist and Harry was kneeling in front of her. She didn’t trust
her eyes “Harry, I ….please. Why?” she stuttered. “Don’t leave me this way “ his voice was muffled
and slightly whimpering. She was speechless. In all the years she had known him, she never saw him
like this. He never pleaded for anything, and now here he was kneeling in front of her and holding
her as if she was the last thing in his life. Slowly, she brought her hands to his head. Still she
was shocked and still she could feel his arms very tightly around her waist. It was difficult for
her to breathe because her own feelings started to overwhelm her. “I didn’t leave you.” She
whispered softly.

Even though Harry’s hair was wet, she ran her hand through it. Hermione knew it wasn’t what she
should do, but she couldn’t stop it. It was too much. In every sense, it was too much. She didn’t
want to push him away, but she didn’t want him so close to her either. But now he had reached her
and was close to her as before. Suddenly, she slipped down to her knees. He looked directly into
her eyes. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Then he tried it again.

“Just tell me that you don’t love me and I will leave you alone. I would do it. Just look into
my eyes and say it” he whispered. She could barely hear him. She looked at him for a long time
before she tried to answer. “I can’t. I just can’t!” she said again only this time louder. With
this she told them both that she can’t say she doesn’t love him, and at the same time, she couldn’t
be with him either .

She realized that this was what it was like to be in love. She slowly figured it out. “Hermione,
it doesn’t change anything if you push me away. I tried it and it doesn’t do any good. You know
that, don’t you?” “It makes me so weak…” she whispered back. Harry’s arms went tighter around her
with her words. “I’m with you. You hear me?. We can get through this. ” She nodded slowly before
she leaned into his embrace. Her head leaned against his shoulders and his on hers.

Lightly he kissed her bare shoulder and loosened his hold on her, but didn’t let her go.



6. Authornote
-------------

**Authornote: *This is the end of this story. I know there are open question’s but I let it
end here because I want to work this plot line more out. This mean that there will come a story
which is based on this chapters. I would like to thank a lot people at this point because this was
the first story in English and my first smut story ever. I never wrote anything like that before.
The person who encourage me was MOLA. Though I know he won’t read this but still I thank him. Than
I would like to thank those people which betaed this story. Quis, Nate, Ashes and Mushypeas. Really
I learned so much from you. Of course I like to thank you for reading and those kind words.
Especially those reviewer who let me know that there were still errors in grammar and wording. If
you interest in this plot and how it will be solved than look out for a story which will be called
“Please, please forgive me.” Thank you.***



7. If you
---------

**Author-Note:** A long if not longest time I struggled with this chapter if I shall at all
post it because Ron isn’t at all nice in there. But this story was once upon a time supposed to be
a deep emotional race with Ron included.

To say that I had a certain storyline in my head as I start to write, to create this plot is
probably very true. But at one point, I can’t even say when I lost track. It might be that I unfold
this plot even though I wanted to let it be.

One asked why I wrote **Please, please forgive me!** ? The reason isn’t so much that this two
storylines are close to be similar but rather it’s a different take of this idea. I hope this
chapter, an unplanned no doubt, can and does show you the very different of this two stories. In
fact in this take I wanted always include Ron’s feelings for Hermione even though one could say
what feelings but well in this vision Ron’s mother is dead and the circumstance were suppose to
play a deeper role in this, too. I had planned so much for this story but like I said at one point
it didn’t felt right to me anymore. But nevertheless I didn’t want to keep this chapter away from
you even though its bit unfair to Ron.

I would like to thank **Another** for betaing it.

6. If You’re Not the One


**If You're Not The One**
*If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?*

By Daniel Bedingfield

Heaven must be like that. *Exactly like that,* he thought as he left his room. Nothing was
like it should be, but this wasn't why he felt like in heaven. It was so much simpler. For the
first time in his life he knew he was loved. The first time he ever felt like that. Harry found
what he had sought for 15 years since he lost love.

His mood was much better in the weeks and years before as he went downstairs into the Prefect
common room. Before he reached the edge of the stairs, he saw someone sitting there.

It wasn’t Hermione; he knew it though he didn't have his glasses on because they were still
shattered on the floor of the Gryffindor common room. He stopped in his tracks as he realized who
it was. Only one other person knew the password of the sixth year Prefect area. He sat in an
armchair near the fire. Ron wasn’t the person who Harry wanted see right now.

This wasn’t supposed to happen so soon. Only minutes before, Harry told Hermione they could sort
any problems with Ron out after the weekend. After they had sorted all the issues out only between
them.

Hermione needed time and if Ron was here she wouldn't get it.

Harry didn’t like this situation, not at all. Maybe he could bring Ron to another place and
speak with him. But there wasn’t enough time. He knew it.

“You know I came only to say that I didn’t mean what I said and to give your glasses back,” Ron
started in a forcedly calm voice, which Harry didn’t like.

Slowly, he went to the fire. The only thing Harry did was hold out his hand. Without a comment
Ron gave him his glasses.

“Maybe now you see clearer?” said Ron with a smirk as Harry put his glasses on.

Ron sat in front of him. He didn’t look as If he wanted to sort out anything. More as if he was
waiting for Harry to apologise.

“Do you know how long I’ve been here waiting for you?” Ron asked with a strange smirk on his
lips.

Harry shook only his head as he did sit down into the armchair.

“Long enough!” Ron answered his own question.

His face grew slightly red as he tried to control himself. With his hands he worked nervously on
the armrest. From all this Harry didn’t get anything because his thoughts weren’t here. He couldn’t
believe it. Just couldn't believe it. All these years Ron had been stubborn, but today it
mattered. He was here to make everything impossible. Harry felt a numbness from these thoughts.
Ron, his best friend, wasn’t welcome. This had never happened in the past. Slowly, every so slowly,
Harry got what Hermione had meant.

Lose this friendship and he wouldn’t even care anymore. Not yet because he was somewhere else in
a different world. In his fantasy which looked only minutes before utterly perfect was now in
chaos. What if he lost Ron’s friendship? What if they couldn't sort things out? What if he lost
both in the end? A horrid feeling grew inside him. Something that felt like ice closed around his
heart. He felt nothing but fear.

“Do you even listen to me?” snapped Ron angrily.

Harry looked up and his eyes met Ron’s.

“What happened? I know you talked with her and I know you fought but I don't know why! I
didn't expect that you would ever speak with her again, After she killed Cho, I mean, I know
you…”

“Hermione didn’t kill her. It was Voldemort,” Harry interrupted him hotly.

“Are we that far now? I was there Harry. I saw with my own eyes that Hermione did case the wrong
spell. She is the one to blame. She did it,” was Ron’s loud response.

Vigorously, Harry shook his head.

“No, no she didn’t do it. Dammit, if you're so clever why didn’t you try and rescue me?
Where were you, Ron? You didn’t do anything but blame Hermione. Voldemort wanted to kill me so she
rescued me. For what price? Have you any idea what she had to live through? Do you know how sad,
how damn guilty she is? Have you ever looked into her eyes and seen how dead they are? You just
can’t, just can’t blame her for this. Not you. She could blame me because I’m the one who cost her
so much pain. I’m the reason she had to suffer. Why everybody had to suffer, but not Hermione, not
her!” Harry was standing and he couldn’t remember how he had stand up from his chair.

His veins still coursed with hot blood. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He hadn’t wanted to yell
at Ron. But he had gotten so mad at his words. Because they weren’t true. It was as if he heard
Hermione again, how she had told him that she hadn't ever been that important to him. This
simply was not true. Hermione had always been important, always in his heart. With his jaw open,
Ron goggled at Harry as if he was someone else, not this guy who he had known for five years. Not
Harry Potter anymore, but just plain old Harry. Someone whom he hadn’t seen before and didn’t ever
want to see.

“Is this true? You mean it?” a low, barely a whisper of a voice came from across the room.

On the bottom off the stairs was Hermione standing. Her eyes sparkling, she locked eyes with
Harry immediately as he turned to her

.

“Of course I mean it.” His voice sounded rough from his anger only seconds before.

Without a second thought Harry went to her and brought her into his arms. Lightly he kissed the
side of her head as he held her tightly against himself.

“Off course I mean it. Every word,” Harry whispered.

“You don’t know how much it means to me,” she said, hiccupping slightly.

Hermione was crying, silently crying. It was the first time since Cho’s dead that Hermione let
tears stream down her face.

“What is this suppose to mean?” Ron’s voice was quivering. Harry ignored him; this wasn’t the
time to argue.

“I’m sorry I didn't tell you before. I was just, just so unsure. You looked so far away from
me that I thought I couldn’t reach you, Hermione.”

“Harry! What does this mean? What happened between you two?” Ron was furiously pointing from one
to the other.

Harry could feel how his shirt was getting damp by now. He couldn’t believe that she was still
crying. Never before had she cried that long. Hermione looked up at him; her eyes were red and
still teary.

“I’m so sorry. I--I didn’t know what to do. I promise I won’t fail again. I swear what ever it
takes, I won’t fail. Please believe me, I didn’t want to harm Cho --”

“Stop it. Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t you who killed Cho. You know
that. Voldemort is the only one to blame.”

Hermione opened her mouth to argue back but Harry put his finger at her mouth. Slowly he shook
his head.

“Don’t argue,” he whispered.

Hermione's lip started trembling. Ron just watched in amazement at this. His mouth was
slightly ajar. What he saw just couldn’t be. Both Harry and Hermione were ignoring him. Ron wasn’t
used to that. Truth be told he couldn’t understand Harry.

“All what I want is you. I want to be together again. You, Ron and me.” For the first time her
gaze turned away from Harry to Ron. Her eyes were pleading to Ron. But he just stood up, ignoring
her gaze.

“It won’t ever be like that again,” he said before turning around to leave.