Giving in to Insanity

MexiChick

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 11/12/2005
Last Updated: 11/12/2005
Status: completed

All her life, Lily Evans had been telling James Potter to leave her alone. In fact, Lily could not recall a single time when she didnt want Potter to leave her alone. Except for now. Because now, that is the last thing she wants.

Chapters

1. Giving in to Insanity

1. Giving in to Insanity

Giving in to Insanity

A/N: The poems are all mine and Lexi is Lily’s best friend. Please Review.

*I do not own Harry Potter or any Harry Potter related things*

Lily sat on the comfy beige chair staring at the roaring fire. She felt horrible. No, not that, worse than horrible—miserable, pathetic, despicable, low. She just couldn’t stop thinking about him. About Potter. Stupid, charming, handsome, amazing, annoying, spoiled, kind, James Potter. He was just floating in her brain. Ugh, why was life torturing her?! Why did she have to like him? Of all the people in the world, her stupid heart had to choose James Potter. How she wanted to be close to him. To hold him. Lily groaned pulling her hair back. Why was she so obsessed with James Potter?! Hell, it used to be him who couldn’t stop pestering her and now Lily couldn’t tear her eyes away from him if the entire world decided to explode right then and there. What had happened? She used to hate him. Despise him. She couldn’t stand his very presence and now she couldn’t stop thinking of him. And James? He didn’t give her a second thought. He was far to busy snogging that stupid blonde dits Sarah. He had finally done what she been telling him to do since third-year; he gave up on her. Just when she had found out that she really liked him. A lot. Maybe even loved him. Life sucked. She would give anything for him to chase her again. Not that if he asked her, she would say yes. She was afraid. Lexi was right. Lexi had always told her she was just terrified of feeling that hopelessness & happiness that came with love. And that’s just how she felt around him. Safe, secure, happy, all these different inexplicable feelings and when he left, Poof! They just disappeared and she felt cold, scared and lonely again. Lexi was right, she was afraid of giving him that sort of power over her. God, how she missed Lexi. She had been murdered for being a “blood traitor” by the death eaters. She missed her presence and advice. Even though Lexi’s advice usually consisted of either vague, cryptic sentences or furious shouts. Lexi had once told her that “sometimes accepting love is a strange battle amongst yourself” Lily had told her that she was mental. She had been. That’s why she loved her best friend.

She heard giggling from the entrance to the common room. Lily turned instinctively. It was that stupid ditsy blonde Sara. Oh, how she hated her. How she wished the girl could drown or burn or something. Lily shook her head. She was mental. Here she was wishing that girl dead only because she was going out with James. Why the bloody hell did that bitch have to go near James anyway?! Slut. She should die a horrible painful death. Lily smiled as that thought crossed into her head. Oh hell, I’m bloody sadistic. Lily frowned don’t think about James or his stupid slutty girlfriend. Don’t think of Sara burning to a crisp in the middle of a huge roaring fire . . . Ok! That enough Lily. Enough! She bent down and started to write on piece of parchment.

I hate him more than words can say.

I hate him more everyday.

I hate the very way he talks.

I even hate the way he walks.

I hate his rumpled raven hair.

I hate that he just doesn’t care.

I hate that he gave up on me.

I hate that we weren’t meant to be.

I hate his stupid perfect lips,

the ones I sorely want to kiss.

I hate James Potter all the time,

yet, how I wish that he was mine

Humph! And she said Lexi was mental. Lily had been convinced Lexi had lost her mind when she showed her the lovesick poems she wrote about Remus Lupin. If only Lexi could see her poem. Hell, she should be locked up and thrown int St. Mungos. She obviously wasn’t fit to walk amongst sane people. Lily smiled as she Lexi’s voice floated into her head. “Falling in love isn’t sane. It’s possibly the stupidest, most idiotic, insane thing you could do. Yet we all need it and long for it” Lily smiled sadly. Lexi brought up so many memories. Good and bad. Lily stared again at the poem she had written and jammed it in her pockets. Just then she heard his voice. She looked up out of habit and saw him joking with Sirius, Remus and Peter. Lily blushed. She hated him. Hated how he made her feel. She stared determinedly at the fire. I don’t like him. I hate him. He disgusts me. I don’t like him . . . I like him sooo much. No! I don’t. I don’t like–

“Hey,”

“Ah!’ Lily jumped back and in the process falling-hard-on the cold floor. Oh god, that hurt. “Oww.” she muttered to herself.

She stared up and saw James’s concerned hazel eyes. “Are you okay Li–

“Im fine. “ She snapped angrily. Why am I always such an arse to him? Lily started pulling herself up when she heard a girl scream form the far left of the common room.

Lily jumped again involuntary and ended falling back again except his time hitting her head on the table in the middle of the room. “Oh hell.” she groaned as her head smacked against the oak table.

“Oh my, Lily are you okay?”

She groaned feeling horribly angry at James for being so nice. Why are you always so damn nice? Be a fuckin’ ass so I can hate you freely. She screamed in her head.

“ Im fine” she snapped icily. Getting up quickly before she could fall again

“Wait.” He called

“What for?!”she demanded.

His hazel eyes flashed angrily “What is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like-like-“

“ A bitch?” she accused. “Leave me the hell alone Potter”She snapped as she headed up to the dormitory.

“Hold up” he said grabbing her wrist and pulling her back. “Yeah, a bitch. That’s exactly how you’ve been acting. What’s wrong?”

“What does it matter to you?” she accused “It’s not like you care anyway! So just leave me alone! Go snog that stupid slut Sara!” Lily felt her face heating up and left the common room. She slipped out of the portrait and stormed down the halls. Why was he such a stupid caring asshole? Why did he have to care about her? I hate him! I hate him! He’s such an ass! I hate him! It was about five minutes through her chorus’s of I hate him, when she realized she was out of bed after hours. She had to get back before a teacher found her wandering and she lost points for Gryffindor and/or got detention. Just then her foot brushed something furry. Lily looked down. A pair of gleaming yellow eyes were staring at her. Oh Crap. It was Filch’s cat. I’m in big trouble. Lily’s brain went blank.

Lily stood frozen in shock as she saw Mrs. Norris streak off to find Filch. Almost instantly she heard Filch’s voice approaching

“A student out of bed eh, my sweet?”

Lily knew she had no time to run he was too close her and would get her easily.

Filch’s voice boomed closer “they can’t have gone far.”

Just then Lily felt a hand grab her wrist and pull her back. She turned and saw nothing but a floating hand. Lily was overcome with confusion. What?- but before she got to finish her thought the hand pulled her closer then threw something over her. Lily wheeled back to face the hand and saw- James.

“What-“she hissed but before she could finish her sentence he covered her mouth with his hand. He shot her a warning glance. Lily froze as he heard Filch’s voice from behind her. Surely he was going to see them? But instead Filch just kept muttering to his cat and rushed forward looking for the student out-of-bed.

“...Well find them.” Filch muttered

Soon he turned and was out of sight. Why couldn’t he see them? She mused as James lifted his hand off her mouth. “We’re under an invisibility cloak,” he muttered to her answering her question. She turned about to thank him when she realized how close they were. Too close. She blushed and stalked off. Stupid James. Stupid, stupid, stupid James. Why did he have to be so close to me? Why-

“Lily?” she heard him call. “Lily hold up.” he called grabbing her wrist again. Stopping her from going any further.

“Leave me alone!” she hissed at him. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?! Go bother someone else. Why cant you get it through your thick head that I don’t want you anywhere near-“

Lily was cut off as his lips pressed on hers. Is he really? Is he kissing me? Oh my god, he is kissing me! What the-Oh hell this feels so good. Lily thought as she draped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Im kissing him! Oh this feels great, it must be how Sara feels.. Sara! Lily pushed James back “What the hell is wrong with you?!”she screamed forgetting she wasn’t supposed to be out at this time.

James just stared at her looking bewildered. “What?”

You kissed me!!” she screamed

“You kissed me back!”

“You’re with Sara, you stupid ass-“

“we broke up this morning.”

Lily’s head was rushing. They’re not together. They’re- They’re.-He’s

James faced her determinedly “Lily-look- I love you. I want to live my life with you. And I just want you to tell me how you feel about me. Just tell me your side.”

“I don’t feel anything for-“she was cut off again as his lips met hers for the second time. She pulled back. “James... I..” Oh hell, enough of this crap she thought and pressed her lips on his. She was kissing him. She was kissing James Potter. All her life she had been pushing James Potter away because she was afraid. Afraid to let herself be with him. Because when she was around him, she felt like an entirely different person, she felt happier, more free. She felt like the world could end right then and there and she wouldn’t give a damn. Like she could tell him all her problems and it would all be okay. And right now she felt better than she’d ever felt before. She felt wonderful-she felt amazing. There was nothing better than what she was feeling now. Knowing that she felt safe, loved, protected, cared for with him right now, knowing that she was giving him the power to induce these feeling in her, knowing the she was giving him the key to her heart, her soul. Giving in to insanity never felt so good.

“Mr. Potter, Miss Evans! What are you doing?!”

They pulled apart and stared in the direction of the voice. It was McGonagall dressed in a purple frilly nightgown looking horribly affronted.

“Off to your dormitory! NOW!” she thundered at us.

Lily smiled and started walking to the common room with James by her side. With McGonagall tailing them to make sure they went to the common room.

“Oh, Lily. You-er dropped this in the common room.” he whispered handing her a sheet of parchment.

Lily frowned and unfolded it. Her mouth dropped open. Oh my.. It was her poem. The one she had written earlier. Lily raised her eyes and whispered to him “You read it?”

He lowered his eyes. “Yeah.. I know I shouldn’t have but-“

She cut him off “Im glad you did.” she muttered a landed another kiss on his lips.

“MISS EVANS!” McGonagall screeched behind her. Lily pulled back blushing. If insanity was this amazing she should have given into it along time ago.

Is this what love is?

Is this that happy bliss?

How I shiver when you touch me,

and you’re the only one I see?

How I cant speak, think, or breathe,

and you side I never want to leave?

Is this what they call love?

The feeling of floating so up above?

I think it is...Love.