Diamonds or Pearls?

Rinawen

Rating: PG13
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 14/12/2005
Last Updated: 18/12/2005
Status: completed

How would you respond?

Chapters

1. Harry Responds

2. Ron Responds

3. Hermione Responds

4. Luna Responds

5. Draco Responds

6. Ginny Responds

1. Harry Responds

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything, and I’m making no money! Yippee!

Author’s Note: Before everyone starts thinking I’ve completely lost my mind, just let me tell you I haven’t. There is a plot to this, even though it might seem like there isn’t. The whole premise is kinda ridiculous, but don’t think I thought up this craziness myself…I’ve seen this done before, not only in other fandoms but this fandom as well. In fact, I think Portkey might have something similar to this…I don’t remember seeing them though. If there is, please link me! I love reading them. This one is derived from another one of my fandoms and I just Harmonized it. So there you go! It isn’t beta’d as I figured…why should it be? And if you want to know what I’m rambling on about, I’ll shut up and just let you read it.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you….

***

Harry’s Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Err…I don’t really know. Usually I like to sleep in until around eleven, but Hermione usually stirs at the crack of dawn and won’t stop harassing me until I wake up as well. If it isn’t her, it’s the bloody cat, so I never get enough sleep. Crazy hag wants sprogs…as if I don’t have enough people waking me up in the morning!

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

Hermione, is this your not-so-subtle way of asking me for something? Again?

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Blast it! I don’t quite remember…I think I fell asleep. And then I had Hermione nagging me about it afterwards…goodness woman! If you want me to stay awake when we go to the cinema, then don’t bloody wake me up so early! And don’t pick such horrid films…all I remember before falling asleep is regretting the fact that I hadn’t gone to the eye doctor to get a better prescription as I couldn’t understand the slurred Russian dialect, and I couldn’t bloody read the damn translation…not to mention that they all looked like black and white blobs of goo…

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

I’ll watch anything, really, I’m not that picky. I guess it comes from a lifetime of being deprived this most basic of necessities…the other day Hermione and I were watching an interesting special about the mating habits of female spiders. Apparently, this one type actually kills the male if it doesn’t like the way the male is courting her. Hermione gave me a meaningful look that I couldn’t really quite catch the meaning behind because I was too busy thinking about what Ron’s expression would be like if he were watching this.

7. Favorite cuisine?

Cuisine? I’m a simple bloke; I do not need cuisine. The closest I come to cuisine is Dobby’s treacle tart.

Though simple bloke I might be, I don’t ever go near Hagrid’s cooking. Nor Hermione’s.

8. What foods do you dislike?

Must I say it again? She’ll have my head when she reads this…

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

Fred and George have developed the most amazing variations! I don’t know exactly what the flavours are though…they’re quite secretive about them. However, lately I’ve been wary of them. The other day I heard the oddest noises coming from the little room in the back of their shop where these alleged “crisps” are made.

You know, I don’t think I’ll eat them anymore.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Oooooh! You know that one band that sings that one song that just took out a new album? That one. I love it. I love the guitars. The guitars sooth me after a crazy day of fighting the baddies. Hermione always complains about “that noise” I listen to, but must I start mentioning the music she listens to?

Care for some Wham…darling?

11. What kind of car do you drive?

I don’t drive. I tried once and nearly went mad. Rather, Hermione nearly drove me mad. She kept yelling that I was going too fast, that driving was NOT like flying, that I actually had to use some common sense…I got so exasperated I stopped the car and decided to yell back at her. And then we ended up having a great shag, right there, in the car, in some field somewhere. Best shag ever. Harry’s a naughty naughty boy…

12. Favorite sandwich?

Every kind…as long as it is not made by Hagrid, Hermione, or Aunt Petunia. And although Mrs. Weasley is a wonderful cook, her sandwiches always have something lacking…so I guess I’ll add her to the list as well.

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Is the name “Malfoy” a characteristic? If it is, then I despise it. And what else…greasy hair. Hate greasy hair. It’s so disgusting. I also hate blokes who try to take over the world. They get bloody irritating after a while. Seen one, seen them all…you know?

14. Favorite item of clothing?

Last Christmas, I got Hermione this silky…oh, do you mean my clothing? Damn! I have no idea. I guess this one pair of jeans I own…Hermione goes on and on about my bum when I wear them. And then I can’t get her off of me…they’re quite brilliant, really. I think I caught Ron looking me over in them as well. That was a bit frightful.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

Somewhere where I can be naked with Hermione all day. Brazil maybe. Don’t people walk around there naked with fruity drinks? Seems like heaven.

16. What color is your bathroom?

Why do you keep asking me questions I have no bloody clue about? Ask Hermione. She’s the one that spruced up Grimmauld Place. I had no say in anything whatsoever. I tried once…that went awful…

But then I shagged her and made it better. I’m told I have a talent.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

Whatever those jeans are. Again, I’ve no clue.

18. Where would you retire to?

Somewhere where I can be naked with Hermione all day…

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

You know, I could say it was when I turned eleven and Hagrid came to rescue me from my hellhole of pain and torture, but you know, he brought me to another hellhole of pain and torture so I don’t really think I’ll say that…

I think my favorite birthday shall always be my 21st. But I won’t tell you why. So just shut your pumpkin pie hole and never mention this to anyone ever again. Ever. I’ll come after you if you do. If you mention me mentioning my 21st birthday to anyone I swear I will do something awful…I did defeat the most undefeatable person ever, after all. Think you stand a chance against me?

Thought so.

20. Favorite sport to watch?

QUIDDITCH! QUIDDITCH QUIDDITCH QUIDDITCH! GRYFFINDOR FOREVER! PUDDLEMERE FOREVER! DOWN WITH THE CANNONS!

(Please don’t kill me Ron!)

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

I haven’t a sodding clue. Do you think I even know how to use this thing? It’s Hermione’s. All I did was enter her study to see if I could find my owl…goodness knows she’s MY owl, and I do reserve the right to use her from time to time, Hermione. But anyways, I saw this monstrous machine on and felt intrigued…the flashy icon thing telling me to click it and check my mail intrigued me. Is that how this internet thing reels you in? With flashy clickiness? Because if that is the strategy, I bloody fell for it like a fool, didn’t I?

I didn’t even know I had an email address. That’ll be Hermione’s doing. Blasted girl doesn’t think I can do anything myself…

(She’s right, of course. But I’m a man. I’ll never accept it! I’ll deny it with my last breath!)

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

I don’t even know who I’m sending it to…I think I’ll just send it to Hermione, and everyone on her list as we basically share the same friends. I hope Prof. McGonagall isn’t on it. Wouldn’t our next meeting be awkward?

24. Goal you have for yourself?

STOP BADGERING ME! Haven’t I done enough for the world already?

25. When is your birthday?

What did I say about my birthday? I never turned twenty-one, allright?

26. When is your Anniversary?

I’m not married…yet. It’s not like I’m holding out on her because I don’t want to marry her…I just find it highly amusing to see her knickers all bunched up about it. I’m evil. I know.

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Did we not establish this already? Why is this questionnaire thing so bloody repetitive?

28. What is your shoe size?

*snicker* Wouldn’t you like to know.

29. Pets?

She’s MY owl, Hermione. MINE. I don’t bloody care that she’s a good a flier and brings things quickly…she’s MINE. So stop hiding the treats underneath your desk to keep her at your beck and call!

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

I went to a jewelry store the other day. There’s a small box covered in red velvet in my secret drawer…(which I’m sure Hermione knows all about. Don’t you, darling?)

Anyways…my exciting news is right there, in that drawer. Any day now I’ll pluck up that Gryffindor courage. Any day now…

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

Fed.

32. How are you today?

Quite well, thank you. And you? Don’t you find it’s a bit nippy out?

33. What is your favorite flower?

The kind I leave by bedside tables when my best friend is petrified.

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

The date we set when she says yes…if she says yes. You’re going to say yes, right?

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

Ron and I got really sloshed this one night, and I’m pretty sure he apparated us to Yugoslavia. The funny thing is, Yugoslavia wasn’t a country anymore…

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Shagging Hermione. In fact, I think I’ll go find her right now…

***

A/N:

I told you it was stupid! But I was bored, and why not? I might just do the others if I feel like it…

2. Ron Responds

Disclaimer: Same as chapter one.

A/N: OMG! Did Belle actually update so quickly? *jaw drop*

Yes. Yes she did.

I didn’t think y’all would like this craziness so much. I just started it because I was bored, and procrastinating…

I would have LOVED to reply to everyone’s reviews, but I thought, would they rather I replied to their wonderfulness…or update? I hope I was right as I already wrote and posted this and can’t take it back, can I? (I was bored and procrastinating again today. And I figured, why the hell not?)

Again, it’s not beta’d…I think it adds to the realness. (And I’m too lazy to beg people.)

But there you go!

***

Ron’s Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Get up? What are you talking about? I never went to sleep! You know how me and the missus are... *snickers*

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

Hahahahaha! Still haven’t asked her have you? Will you ever? We’ve talked about it for ages now…honestly. Have some bloody courage man! You are a Gyffindor after all. You disgrace me.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

I think it was with Harry and Hermione. I don’t particularly recall anything about it as I spent the whole time giggling with Harry because someone in the film said the word “penis.” Hermione was not amused. That wench has no sense of humor. Thank Merlin I never married her myself.

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

Ooooh are you referring to that square thing at Harry and Hermione’s? What’s that one about that bloke who falls for some bird but then dies…but he’s not dead. Muggles think up the most ridiculous storylines. Though, actually, that one reminds me of this one Wizard story my mum used to tell me before putting me down to bed…twisted crazy woman! Damn story gave me nightmares!

7. Favorite cuisine?

I’ll eat anything. ANYTHING.

8. What foods do you dislike?

There are no foods I dislike. And never speak such blasphemy in my presence ever again!

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

All. Everything. ESPECIALLY Fred and George’s.

(What was that about the funny noises?)

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Barmy, I tell you! What the hell is a CD?

11. What kind of car do you drive?

You mean, what kind of car do I fly? It’s a blue Ford Anglia, mate. She’s my baby. She finally decided to leave the forest and re-civilize herself. Although, she did threaten to leave me again after this one time Harry and I got drunk and took her out. Didn’t we end up in some bewitched castle in Ireland somewhere? It better have been bewitched. Castles don’t physically attack you under normal circumstances…

12. Favorite sandwich?

Damn redundant these questions, aren’t they?

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Nags. I hate nagging. Which, considering who my best friends are, shouldn’t be surprising. Do you think it’s only the witch that nags? No. Harry’s started to nag as well. Although he’s a bit more sly about it…you don’t know he’s nagging you until he’s finally gotten you to do what he’s wanted.

It’s a lot deadlier that way.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

*coughs* Well, Harry has this one pair of jeans…

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

Wherever the Cannons are playing. Hermione thinks this obsession is bordering on insanity; Luna finds my enthusiasm quite charming.

Guess who I married?

16. What color is your bathroom?

White. Everything is white and silver. I didn’t decide it like this, Luna did. She gets upset because I tend to be a bit messy and dirty everything up quickly. It pisses me right off because I didn’t want the bloody bathroom to be white--it wasn’t my idea at all! So then I start yelling and going off on a tangent while she just stands there, upset, but not really doing or saying anything about it. Which further irritates me and causes me to yell even more…

But then she pulls out her wand, binds me down, and shags me ‘till I can’t open my mouth to speak any more. It’s a great little system we have. Sometimes I purposely mess everything up just so that I can get the shag. I think she suspects.

I never knew that white marble floors could be so cold, yet so wonderful.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

*cough* I think they’re Diesel jeans…

18. Where would you retire to?

My bathroom.

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

I turned 24 the day before my wedding. I figured I should celebrate my birthday and wedding together because I knew I’d turn into one of those blokes that forgets the anniversary and completely pisses the wife right up…

Anyways, on the eve of my wedding, my birthday (see, I shall never forget my anniversary!) Fred and George threw me a fantabulous bachelor’s party. They hired a very very skilled stripper who gave me the most remarkable lap dance. It was art. They had me blindfolded, and I just felt this warm, delicious weight on me…

And then they took the blindfolds off and I found, to my immense horror, some crazy looking wench with a glass eye and a peg leg sitting on me. Harry and Draco nearly ate each other’s heads off their mouths were so open wide with laughter.

You might think this odd, but up until that point, I really was enjoying that lap dance. Best one I’ve ever had. (Except of course for yours, darling.)

20. Favorite sport to watch?

Oh honestly why ask me this? You KNOW the answer…

(And the Cannons shall pulverize your pathetic Puddlemere, Potter!)

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

You mean I have to send this somewhere? How? My father never properly taught me to use this thing. He knows how to use it perfectly as Hermione taught him…it used to be hers. But then she got a new one and gave this one to my dad. I have no idea what the difference between them is…I’m surprised my father is so adept at them. He’s never learned to properly use a Muggle contraption. I’m quite proud of him. Though, I think he’s getting a bit egotistical about his prowess. He has this bloody thing set up right in the middle of the kitchen at the Burrow! And he’s gotten us all email addresses…I think he’s done this so that we can sit around and ask him how to use it, and he could impress us with his knowledge. Arrogant old man. But I humour him…he is my father after all.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

My wife.

24. Goal you have for yourself?

To eat whatever mum’s currently bustling about cooking. I think I smell treacle tart… (Eat your heart out, Potter!)

25. When is your birthday?

The day before my Anniversary.

26. When is your Anniversary?

The day after my birthday.

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

I fancy myself an “all day, all night,” type person myself. Ask my wife. She knows. (Don’t you kitten?)

28. What is your shoe size?

*snorts* Ask my wife…she knows…

29. Pets?

Never again. NEVER!

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

HARRY IS GOING TO ASK YOU TO MARRY HIM, HERMIONE!

*runs*

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

Harry Potter.

32. How are you today?

HUNGRY! Whatever mum’s making smells divine!

33. What is your favorite flower?

Roses. I love roses. Especially the one I’m married to:

Luna Rose Weasley

Isn’t that a wonderful name? You know you want it…

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

The day Harry finally gets over whatever complex he is working on now and finally asks Hermione to marry him. And not through an Internet quiz you big git…she deserves the whole nine yards, you coward. Besides, if you don’t give her that, she’ll bloody rip my ear off complaining about it. She complains a lot about you to me. I hate having to be the third party in this relationship. She actually thinks you listen to me…when have you ever listened to anyone?

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

Harry, STOP EXAGERRATING! We were not in Yugoslavia. We were in the Ottoman Empire.

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Food. And here it comes. I smell it. Mmmm…

***

3. Hermione Responds

Disclaimer: Same as the previous two chapters.

A/N: Oh joy! I was bored and procrastinating again. Sorry I didn't answer all your reviews, but then I wouldn't have had the time to write this…again I'm sorry. Don't think I don't appreciate them because I do. They make me laugh. I love it when you guys say things that make me laugh. It's great! Even if they have nothing to do with actually reviewing and you're just telling me something funny about your day…it's wonderful!

***

Hermione's Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

HARRY JAMES! Nine in the morning is NOT the crack of dawn! And for the record, I would not be getting up this early if it weren't for the funny little poke I feel against my bum EVERY MORNING!

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

*hums “Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend” *

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Luna and I went to see this riveting documentary about this one group of Australian aborigines. The whole thing was done in their native tongue…it was quite intriguing. Luna kept asking rather silly questions which buggered me some…but then she'd make the most astute observations. I don't know what to make of her sometimes.

However, she is a way better companion than Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb over here. (Especially when Tweedle Dee falls asleep and drools over everything.)

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

Sometimes, around three in the morning, I sneak out of our bedroom to watch some quality shows…if you get what I'm saying. *blushes* I know I shouldn't be doing this but…sometimes these shows have some rather interesting plots.

7. Favorite cuisine?

Harry's neck…

That or Italian. Italian is good.

8. What foods do you dislike?

I don't particularly like raw foods.

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

Crisps are so unhealthy. (But so delicious! Won't go near Fred and George's, though. I know what goes into those crisps…)

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

HARRY! I do not like Wham! You know all I listen to is Bach…

(AndDuranDuran'sGreatestHits)

11. What kind of car do you drive?

I sold our car. I mean…what was the point of it exactly? If we were only going to use it to shag each other that is…

You're right. I think I'll buy it back tomorrow.

12. Favorite sandwich?

You know those shows I watch sometimes? Well, I did have this one fantasy with Harry and er…Viktor…

I'm a sucker for Seekers. (And if anyone dares to make a pervy comment at that…)

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Stupidity. You wouldn't figure that considering who my best friends are.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

Harry bought me this silky thing…he's like a lion when I wear it. Grr…that slutty little piece of cloth has been ripped to shreds by his powerful hands so many times…thank goodness for magic!

But those jeans of his are simply splendid, aren't they? I'm constantly scourgifying them so he can wear them as much as possible. I've even considered burning the rest of his pants so that he'd have no choice but to wear that one pair…but I'm a good girlfriend. I'd also make a good fiancée and wife, if anyone were wondering…

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

The Diesel store in New York.

16. What color is your bathroom?

Oh honestly, Harry! The color is “dusky rose.”

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

You're perfectly correct, Ron, they are Diesel. Very smutty of you to notice.

I've come to the conclusion that those Diesel people are some sort of gods, or higher beings. Maybe they're a more evolved species of Homo sapiens. The brilliance that are those jeans…unparalleled design…

18. Where would you retire to?

NOT Brazil mind you. Antarctica perhaps…

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

*blushes*

Er…umm…Harry's 21st birthday?

20. Favorite sport to watch?

You know those shows I watch? This one time, the plot took this one character--a mousy reporter type--to this one football game, and then afterwards she had to interview the star athlete in the locker rooms. The locker rooms emptied out, and she and the star athlete were alone and well…er… *blushes*

I've told Harry he should give up on Quidditch and play football. I think he'd be rather good. He has the legs for it, I think.

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

Probably Prof. McGonagall.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

Probably Prof. McGonagall. She might actually die of cardiac arrest when she reads all this, but I figure…it's time Minnie learned a thing or two about her star pupil. (You ok there, Minerva?)

24. Goal you have for yourself?

Oh, I would bore you with the list. I'm only 26 after all.

25. When is your birthday?

I'd like something shiny for my birthday. You know, something round that I'd be able to slip around this one special finger…preferably, this round object would have a diamond on it. I'd like for it to be given to me by one Harry James Potter while he is down on one knee like the proper gentleman that he is.

26. When is your Anniversary?

*snorts* Well isn't that question bloody fantastic?

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Believe it or not, I'm a night person. You tell them Harry.

28. What is your shoe size?

I have small feet. I think they're rather pretty. Harry likes to tickle them, which ends with him having a nice big black eye. Then I have to shag him and make it better. I love our tickle fights.

29. Pets?

Oh for goodness sake Harry! It isn't like I'm hijacking your bird! She still loves you more than she loves me. In fact, I think Crookshanks loves you more as well. Why do you think he always pesters you in the morning? I'm so unloved…

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

Oh no. Nothing exciting ever happens to me. *snicker*

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

Everything you could possibly imagine.

32. How are you today?

Bloody depressed. A colleague of mine got engaged yesterday… *sighs*

33. What is your favorite flower?

The kind my best friend leaves at my bedside table when I'm petrified.

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

I've always fancied a summer wedding because the chances of it raining and ruining my day are pretty slim…though I am a witch and can control such things so it really shouldn't matter. However, the chateau has already been booked for June 29th…so get on with it already!

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

The both of you are complete idiots! It wasn't Yugoslavia, nor was it the Ottoman Empire! You were in AUSTRIA-HUNGARY! Budapest is in Hungary! And you did not go back in time so it wasn't even Austria-Hungary! It was just plain Hungary! How do I know? Who do you think had to apparate your drunken arses back home?

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Pretty shiny rings with diamonds.

(And shagging Harry Potter)

*~*~*~*

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4. Luna Responds

Disclaimer: Same as first three chapters.

A/N: I’m sorry I was awful with the replying again! But I am updating fast…isn’t it amazing? Don’t get used to it though. This is just a nice little way to spoil you dears for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa. But after this, I’ll go back to being the same old Belle that never updates.

You guys are great!

***

Luna’s Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

I’m usually never awake in the morning. Lately, I’ve taken to only being awake at night and sleeping the whole day. I used to do this as a child, but then I started Hogwarts and it completely altered my system. I find that I work better in the hours between dusk and dawn…Ron certainly seems to enjoy it…

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

Pearls of course. I’ve never really understood the obsession with diamonds. Although, I do admit, Hermione’s ring looks very nice. (Besides…she’d hex me if I didn’t say it. She has a bit of a temper, that girl. Not as bad as Ron’s though. But at least with Ron I can use sex to assuage him.)

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

I don’t remember…I was too focused on watching the beautiful patterns of dim light that reflected off of the emergency exit sign. They were remarkable…

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

The one about the poor journalist lass who chases these wonderful stories about ghosts and aliens and vampires…I wonder why the Muggles don’t believe her. They’re perfectly normal things.

7. Favorite cuisine?

Mrs. Weasley’s. Ronald loves going home to eat, and as I can’t really cook all that well, I’ve gotten quite fond of Mrs. Weasley’s meals. That, and I get to see my father a lot since he lives in Ottery St. Catchpole as well. Though, I do find that Mrs. Wealsey should really shut up every now and then. The woman jabbers too much…Ron’s the same way. But with him it’s endearing.

8. What foods do you dislike?

Ronald tries to cook from time to time. And although I forgive him many things, I do not forgive him this…

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

Anything that isn’t made by my brothers-in-law.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

I don’t listen to the type of music that I believe this question is referring to. To me, music resides in everything…in the rushing of a brook, in the little rustle the trees make during autumn as they tumble and fly off…in the mating call of the Acromantula. I love to observe those spiders. Ron never accompanies me…I think he’s a great big chicken. But he’s my chicken. So it’s perfectly allright.

11. What kind of car do you drive?

My husband flies his car. Silly Muggles and their ideas of driving cars…flying is much more practical. Though I still prefer flying on thestrals to cars.

12. Favorite sandwich?

Nutella.

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Kleptomania.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

Ronald found the most interesting set of lingerie over in France while visiting Bill (Apparently Madame Maxine quit her position as Headmistress of Beauxbatons and branched off into the lingerie world.) Ronald knows how I love radishes…so he bought a dozen different lingerie sets with radish prints that actually taste like radishes…

He loves to watch me take my bra off and eat it. He eats the rest of it of course…he makes a face sometimes, as I don’t really think he likes the taste of radishes per se. But then when he’s done I jump on top of him, and the faces he makes are completely different…

Still funny, though.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

We really must go back to France and do some shopping, rex darling.

16. What color is your bathroom?

Ron’s told you all about it, it seems. I shan’t bother you with further details. Though rex darling, you forgot to mention how much fun I have cleaning your dirty little self in the shower…

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

T’adore by Madame Maxine.

18. Where would you retire to?

France. It really is a lovely country. Besides the lingerie, the very diversity of magical creatures to be found there is astonishing…

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

I don’t really remember my birthdays.

20. Favorite sport to watch?

Quidditch. Watching Ronald on a broomstick is so very invigorating…but the adrenaline rush that continues to pulse through him after the game is over is much more interesting. We have the best post-game sex! (This is assuming he’s won the game, of course.)

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

The computer I’m using is actually my father’s. It’s the one he has at work, at the Quibbler. Arthur set it up for him. The two of them have grown considerably closer since Ron and I married…I think they get along because they’re both completely mad. But they’re brilliant in their own way. Still, I’m not quite sure how to go about this thing…Ron set this whole email account thing up. He thought it’d be fun to send each other naughty emails while at work…which has done wonders for our sex life, not that it isn’t wild enough as it is. But seeing as I work in the early evening while he’s at his mum’s having dinner, by the time I get home from work late at night, he’s up and ready to go. Naughty emails are fantastic!

Still, I’m wary of clicking this “list” button and sending it on. What if my father gets it?

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

If he does get it, then my father I suppose.

24. Goal you have for yourself?

To prove to the world Heklmumps really do exist. I was not sloshed on that night, Ronald!

25. When is your birthday?

I don’t really remember my birthdays…

26. When is your Anniversary?

Which Anniversary?

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Look at my name. Figure it out.

28. What is your shoe size?

Ronald has big feet.

29. Pets?

Ron won’t let us keep any. It’s quite dreadful, though I never really complain. I understand his reluctance to keep pets. The first one turned out to be a Death Eater in disguise, and then Pig turned out to be a flamboyant homosexual. Ronald tried in vain to get him to breed with Hedwig, but he’d have none of her. All he wanted was to spend his time shamelessly flirting with Errol…Errol could be his grandfather! Ron tried to discourage this behaviour, but then the disapproval Pig sensed made him all the more rebellious. He ended up adopting one of Hedwig’s eggs, (who by this time had gotten quite cozy with Bill and Fleur’s owl, Etoile) and tried to raise it with Errol…

Ron became a very reluctant adoptive grandfather, and decided that enough was enough and ended up giving Pig to his mum and dad. I was always silently displeased with Ron’s treatment of the owls…you can’t manage what the heart wants.

Still, Ron now refuses to even look at another animal. I use The Quibbler’s owls now… Ron shares Hedwig with Harry and Hermione. Harry seems to get a bit touchy about Hedwig though…I wonder why.

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

Harry and Hermione got engaged yesterday! And I mean properly engaged, so it was very exciting. Hermione had been badgering Ron and me for ages about the subject, so I’m quite thankful that Harry finally went on with it. Harry invited us to the mysterious dinner he had planned for Hermione…and I say mysterious because Hermione had no bloody clue that she was about to get asked.

The restaurant was beautiful; a river ran through it and everything! There was a bridge, and fairy lights, a 12-string orchestra…they kept playing Wham! for some strange reason…I’m pretty sure I recognized “Everything She Wants” and “I’m Your Man” from Hermione’s constant humming.

She cried of course--though one couldn’t be sure whether it was because she was overwhelmed, or because a fairy had zoomed past and flown right into her left eye. Ronald definitely cried…he’s quite a sap. I didn’t cry; I was actually quite relieved. But not as relieved as Harry was: I could tell by the way he was shaking. The poor dear looked like he was about to retch at any minute.

But it’s over—they are now engaged, thank Merlin almighty!

I do think Harry went a tad overboard with the fairies.

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

Accepted.

32. How are you today?

I’m lovely, thank you. I think after I’m done with this I’ll send Ron a naughty email.

33. What is your favorite flower?

Roses, because they’re Ron’s favorite. Rose was also my mother’s middle name.

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

I would have to agree with Ron and Harry here—the day Harry and Hermione finally do get married will be the day everyone sleeps easier. Especially Harry. Do you think the engagement was the big deal? Oh no. I’m sure Hermione will drive everybody sufficiently mental with the planning…she’s already started hassling me, and they barely got engaged yesterday. Though I should already be used to it: the wedding arrangements have been happening clandestinely for months now, and I’ve slowly been draggled along…though to be honest, Ginny has had to bear the majority of the load. Now that it’s out in the open, however, I really do fear for my life.

In case I decide to take my own life and join everyone beyond the veil, let me just take this opportunity to say I love you Ronald Bilius Weasley.

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

I went to Mongolia with my father once.

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Emailing my husband. I think I’ll do that now.

*~*~*~*

5. Draco Responds

Disclaimer: Same as first four chapters…

A/N: There you go. Hurray!

***

Draco’s Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

How would I bloody know? Do you think I have clocks in my room? I hate clocks. I do everything on my own time, which is, whenever I bloody please. So sod off!

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

Did Ginny put you up to this? Blasted hag! You think she’d be satisfied with the name Malfoy. Does she not understand how important the name Malfoy is? She was raised from the dirt that is Weasley to the grandeur of Malfoy, and yet she wants more baubles?

Wonderful. I love it when my witch is greedy. We aren’t rich for nothing.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Steel Magnolias. Such a poignant tale of love, family loyalty and community kinship in a Southern American town…

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I SAW?

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

Granger…you watch those shows too? Aren’t you just a little strumpet.

7. Favorite cuisine?

Food? What are you talking about? Do you think I eat? I’m a Malfoy. I don’t eat. How else do you think I retain my perfectly spectral beauty, my fair skin, the luminescent sheen of my hair and eyes…the wonderfully boyish figure that the slash writers love to write about. Yes, I know all about you, dreaming up different scenarios to have Potter pressed up against me likes some tart. As if I were that easy.

8. What foods do you dislike?

All kinds. Food revolts me.

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

You know, I helped Fred and George develop their crisps…

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

All the soundtracks to the Lord of the Rings films. I’ve always wanted to be an elf. I’m good looking enough.

11. What kind of car do you drive?

Oh god do not mention that worthless piece of Muggle rubbish to me. They’re destroying the environment with those things. How much stupider can they be? Of course, they do have a much more limited cranial capacity…

12. Favorite sandwich?

I once had this dream where Ginny and I were naked in bed together. The bed was covered in silvery satin sheets…and then Potter burst into the room. He was wearing those Diesel jeans…

Look at you slashers just drooling over that last paragraph. You disgust me.

13. What characteristic do you despise?

Courage. Loyalty. Kindness. Fairness. Whatever else the dratted hat had to say about Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. Ravenclaws are allright.

Ginny is a closet Slytherin, so she’s beside the point…

14. Favorite item of clothing?

Potter does look good in those jeans, doesn’t he? I think I’ll slit his throat for that.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

Somewhere far away from Granger. She’s been badgering my wife for weeks about this absurd wedding…so Potter finally managed the stones to ask Granger? Such a pity, Potter. I had contemplated leaving Ginny and giving into my secret homosexual desires with you.

Look at the slash girls twitch.

16. What color is your bathroom?

Green and silver. What else did you expect, moron?

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

T’adore, by Madame Maxine. Those lingerie sets work great, Weasley. I’m surprised Luna is brave enough to let herself get mauled by you, you big, overgrown, worthless maggot.

And if anyone so much as mentions those Diesel jeans again, I swear…

18. Where would you retire to?

Anywhere that is far away from Granger and her exhausting anal-retentiveness. I’d like my wife back, Granger! You don’t own her! I do.

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

What do you mean? All my birthdays have been memorable. In fact, I think my birthday should be made into some sort of feast day. Why shouldn’t everyone worship the day that this handsome piece of male ass was brought into the world? I am the epitome of perfection and everyone should fall on their knees and pray to the heavens for me!

20. Favorite sport to watch?

I love to watch Gladiatorial sports. I often go back in time glut myself on the blood, guts, and glory…those emperors had it right, I say.

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

To my father in Azkaban most likely. I hope he remembers who I am. Last time he kept calling me “Simon” and muttering lyrics to Duran Duran songs…

Hmmm…I wonder who this one SexySeverus@Hogwarts.net character is…

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

My wife. She probably won’t check her email for months, what with Granger being up her arse all the time.

Granger, that used to be MY spot. Give it back!

24. Goal you have for yourself?

Right now I’m sitting in an Internet café in Muggle London. I come here from time to time to silently mock the idiot Muggles that go about their pathetic lives without magic or money. The lot of them disgust me…

Today I’ve decided to torture them for their stupidity. I narrowed my torture down to one idiot looking bloke sipping at his tea like some retarded version of Neville Longbottom, so you know this one’s got it coming to him. I’ve been using my wand to make his teacup go empty whenever the waiter turns around to serve others. The idiot Muggle waves about frantically, and when the waiter does return, the teacup is full again, only to empty itself again when the waiter turns away. The Muggle looks completely freaked out…he just took out a Rosary it appears. My goal is to freak him out so much he’ll commit suicide, right here, in front of everyone. Bastard git!

25. When is your birthday?

Unless you’re going to send me something really expensive I don’t think it bloody matters to you.

26. When is your Anniversary?

An Anniversary requires I have a wife. I have no wife. Granger’s stolen her.

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

I’m whatever I want to be, you little shit.

28. What is your shoe size?

This knowledge would scare the living daylights out of you. You’d wonder, is it really that BIG…does it really fit inside?

Of course I’m talking about my foot and shoe, you disgusting little perv. What were you thinking of?

29. Pets?

I have a magical menagerie in the west are of the lawns at Malfoy Manner. I never really liked animals, I just wanted them because they were exotic and expensive and made all my friends jealous. That, and I enjoyed watching them grow up in a gilded cage…just like me.

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

The Muggle is looking at his butter knife with an interested look. I think he might just do it…

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

Emancipated.

32. How are you today?

Bloody wonderful. What else would I be? I’m rich and a Malfoy. Be jealous you pathetic arses!

33. What is your favorite flower?

I hate flowers. I asked Ginny to stop wearing that disgusting perfume of hers. I prefer it when she smells like me.

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

The day I finally get my wife back.

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

I have no bloody clue about that. When Snape hid me for that spell after sixth year, I had the strangest feeling that I was in the Ottoman Empire…

*snorts*

Potter and Weasley are such retards.

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Torturing the Muggles. Do it! Do it! You know you want to kill yourself…

***

6. Ginny Responds

Disclaimer: Same as the previous chapters.

A/N: This is the end. I’ve thought about it, and I’m done! I need to buckle down with finals. Anyone that wants, feel free to steal this quiz and do the Marauder’s Era, or whoever else. Just make sure you link me to it so I can read it.

Thank you for enjoying this randomness!

***

Ginny’s Quiz

***

1. What time did you get up this morning?

Too early. I feel bloody knackered. Draco’s simply thrilled that it’s all over and decided to show me how thrilled he was last night. FIVE BLOODY TIMES!

2. Diamonds or Pearls?

If I have to stare at another diamond again in my life, I think I’ll hang myself. It wasn’t only Hermione that drove me mental with these things. Harry couldn’t well pick a ring if it jumped in front of him and started dancing the lambada.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

Better question: when was the last time I had the free time to go to the cinema?

4. What is your favorite T. V. show?

Even better: when was the last time I had the free time to sit my arse in front of a television and watch some ridiculous show?

7. Favorite cuisine?

Anything edible. Lately, I haven’t really had the time to eat…

8. What foods do you dislike?

Food that takes too long to eat. Hermione actually took to allotting me time to eat my meals.

9. What is your favorite crisps flavor?

You know, I know my husband helped my brothers with their crisps…I don’t particularly fancy any kind of crisp anymore.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?

Hot Hot Heat. I’ve had “Running Out of Time” playing on that radio thing Hermione gave me for Christmas non-stop. In fact, Hermione gave me the album as well…hardy har har.

11. What kind of car do you drive?

I steal Ron’s Anglia from time to time. When he finds out, he yells at me, which ends up with him having crazy looking flappy things all over his face.

Definitely still the Bat Bogey master!

12. Favorite sandwich?

Draco darling…I never knew you dreamt with that kind of a sandwich. I’ve dreamt of them too.

13. What characteristic do you despise?

My husband’s.

14. Favorite item of clothing?

My Matron of Honor dress. I had to wrestle with Hermione to get it cut the way I wanted. That battle was worse than all those Death Eater skirmishes.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you
go?

I’d just like to stay in bed for the next month and a half. I’m exhausted!

16. What color is your bathroom?

Green and silver. What else? I have a husband that despises any other colors. He’s the biggest git the world has ever seen! But I love him. Damn this heart of mine.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?

You know, I was the one that convinced Harry to get those Diesel jeans. Bloke has no sense of fashion…

18. Where would you retire to?

Somewhere no one ever gets married. I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone should just live in sin; weddings are such a hassle.

19. What was your most memorable birthday?

Draco took me to Vegas for my 21st birthday. It was great! We stayed at the most expensive suite of the Stratosphere hotel, so we were way up high and the view of the city at night was fantastic…we were very decadent and bad…

Although, from what Hermione tells me, that was nothing compared to Harry’s 21st birthday…

You get ‘em tiger. Grrr!

20. Favorite sport to watch?

I don’t watch sports. I play them. I play Quidditch. I can’t believe Harry supports Puddlemere over the Cannons…

I think I’ll slit his throat for that.

21. Furthest Place you are sending this?

Probably Prof. Flitwick. I miss that little shrimp. Brilliant how Hogwarts decided to get computers and all that…though I do hear that Filch started having kittens when he heard the whiney little dial-up noise. Locked the poor computer in the dungeon and hung it by it’s cables…

22. Who do you least expect to send this back to you?

I’m sure no one will send this back to me now as I seem to have missed all the fun…Harry and Hermione weren’t even engaged when Harry sent his…

DAMN YOU HERMIONE!

24. Goal you have for yourself?

To get my life back.

25. When is your birthday?

Soon. Very soon. Hear that, Draco? It’s sooon.

26. When is your Anniversary?

See, it depends which one you’re talking about. Are you talking about our first date, first kiss, first shag…(which all happened on the same night, so what’s the bloody point?) or do you mean or actual wedding…(Which took place two weeks later. In Vegas. We love that place.)

27. Are you a morning person or a night person?

Lately, I’ve had no bloody choice, have I?

28. What is your shoe size?

I have really tiny feet. Draco teases me and says that these feet aren’t really mine; that I stole them from a garden gnome, cut of my original feet (which were probably humongous and disgusting looking), and attached the smaller ones.

He’s a git.

29. Pets?

There is Arnold…but he’s more Draco’s pet than mine now. He doesn’t like to admit it, but he loves that little Puff. He carries it around with him everywhere, and you should see the cute way Draco baby talks him…he’s going to make such a marvelous father! Unless he spoils them rotten and turns the sprogs into little psycho versions of himself.

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?

Harry and Hermione got married yesterday. It was a fantabulous affair. Hermione looked gorgeous, of course. She didn’t cry, and neither did Harry, but Ron did. Ron looked like this slobbering little worm thing, crying all over Harry’s coattails (Which he wore over his Diesel jeans. Hermione insisted he wear them). Harry was very amused, but Draco kept snorting the whole while. Luna obviously found Ron’s dribbling very endearing, and I suspect she took him behind the enchanted fairy orchards and gave him a nice shag; he had that stupid look about him all afternoon.

A unicorn appeared out of nowhere and threatened to trample the wedding cake, but Hagrid managed to coax it away. Rita Skeeter also showed up to ruin the day, but Harry took out his wand and well…he did his Harry thing. You know? Where he threatens your life in this evil, “I defeated Lord Voldemort. Bwahahahahaha!” way and completely freaks the shite out of you. It always works. Hermione was pleased. His coattails lifted during the display and we all got a wonderful view of his bum.

But of course, who wouldn’t be pleased when they looked completely sexy in a wedding dress that accentuated your boobs the way hers did. They looked suspiciously bigger than usual…mum kept tutting in my ear…she suspects Hermione is pregnant, and is completely aghast that in this case, the love definitely came before the marriage and the baby carriage.

31. What did you want to be when you were little?

A boy.

32. How are you today?

Quite knackered. And Draco is calling for me in the next room. For goodness sake…can’t he think about anything else besides sex?

33. What is your favorite flower?

I’m sick of flowers. I hate flowers. No more weddings. No more flowers.

34. What is a date on the calendar are you looking forward to?

Oh dear lord. If Hermione really is pregnant…then there will be showers to organize, christenings…

I NEED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY!

35. Where is the furthest you have ever been from home?

I’m going there today. I’ll have Draco start packing the second I get off of this thing.

38. A small thing you really enjoy?

Freedom.

***