A Very Voldie Christmas

jms granger

Rating: G
Genres: Romance, Humor
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 15/12/2005
Last Updated: 15/12/2005
Status: completed

One-Shot. Sequel to 'A Very Harry Christmas'. Voldemort has big surprises in store for him this christmas...Very big! A Story to spread Christmas cheer, and to make you all laugh! Give it a try and i think you'll all like it! Although it can be read as a stand alone story, it is a sequel so better if you've read the fisrt. R&R. Merry Christmas!

Chapters

1. A Very Voldie Christmas!

1. A Very Voldie Christmas!

Disclaimer: I'm not Jk Rowling, just a 21 year old guy trying to bring some festive cheer…

A Very Voldie Christmas!

The room was well below zero, the frost from outside was creeping through the open window as he walked back and forth across the room, waiting for his plan to come to fruition. This Christmas Eve was so cold that even he, The Dark Lord Voldemort, was freezing, but he wasn't allowed to show weakness, especially to something as small as the weather. He pointed his wand at the empty hearth and brought it to live with an eruption of fire, making his hand feel like they were in fire with the sudden change in temperature. He eyed the door for a moment, hoping they would be back soon to give him their report, this Christmas offensive was starting to take its toll on him. Now he was just looking at the death toll and nodding if it was high enough. Christmas always brought out the worse in him, he shuddered to repress a memory from forming on his mind. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, thank god their back he thought.

`Come in' he ordered in his best `scary dark lord' voice, and the door was slowly opened. As he saw who it was he lifted his wand and screamed `AVADA KEDAVRA!' but he was shocked when the curse just went through the man and he was left there, still smiling.

`That's no way to treat a guest, Tom' came the mans soft playful voice as he walked towards him, no wand raised in order for defence.

`This is impossible! You're dead, Dumbledore!' Voldemort screeched at him in disgust, this was definitely weird! There was no way Dumbledore would have become a ghost, so what the hell was he doing here?

`Evidently it's not impossible!' Dumbledore said joking before carrying on `I'm a visitor from the afterlife! Tonight you will be having 3 visitors including myself, and they will show you the past, the present…' Voldemort was rapt with attention looking at Dumbledore, who seemed pleased with how his dramatics was working `And the FUTURE!' Voldemorts eyes were wide with shock as he stared at his old mentor.

`The future? Like a Prophecy?' Voldemort said, his eyes burning with a crazy obsession.

`Well…I guess that's one way to look at it…kinda like a prophecy' Dumbledore said awkwardly while watching Voldemort run around the world grabbing a penseive, pen and many other recording devisees mumbling something about `not missing this one'. `so, how are you Tom?' Dumbledore tried to ask as Voldemort was still collection things manically.

`Ah, you know…been better' Voldemort answered absently `Nagini hates the cold and won't stop moaning…' He said surprisingly friendly. When he was finished he was stood in front of Dumbledore with a huge sack looking at him like a 5 year old awaiting to open his present, `So, we ready?' he asked excitedly.

`I'm sorry Tom, but you won't be able to take them things with you' he stated politely, Voldemort however was pissed!

`You let me do that on purpose, didn't you!' He bellowed while Dumbledore only smiled `It's just like before, that's why I hate you so much!' Dumbledore was shocked and had to take a moment before speaking.

`What do you mean, it's just like before?' he asked nicely, Voldemort however was fuming and it was obvious he'd tell the answer, if only in anger.

`The first day of 7th year! Don't tell me you don't remember because you do! I spent ages arranging the room to sit next to Emma and you come in and tell us you had set the tables for the year! I got put next to Bellatrix! Emma wasn't pleased at all, that's why I hate you so much, you have no respect for others!' he said quickly but by the end was a little less angry and threw his sack down and carried on `Ok then, lets get going!' and he huffed and turned around to not face Dumbledore. The light went bright and Voldemort found him in a room he recognized, it was snowy and a bit like a log cabin.

`Why have we come here?' Voldemort asked confused, he couldn't work out what this would have to do with him killing Harry Potter.

`You choose the place, Tom, have patience. Being dead yourself for so long must have taught you some' Dumbledore said teasingly.

`Oh, very funny!' Voldemort said sarcastically, looking around the room he saw the door open and in walk a much younger version of himself. `I was one good-looking Mofo, wasn't I' he said appreciating his young handsome self. He must have been in his very early 20s, he couldn't remember exactly.

`HO HO HO' came a voice as a big fat jolly old man walked through the door to join the young Voldemort in the room. `So you've came to see Santa, Tom?' Santa asked.

`Yes, I have, to ask a favor from someone as powerful as yourself…' Tom asked softly looking adoringly at Santa in front of him. The real Voldemort started to feel uncomfortable, knowing what favor it was he needed.

`But Santa knows what a bad boy you've been, Tom!' Santa said cheerily `Is the favor you ask of Santa a lump of coal? Because Santa could help you out with that! HO HO HO' Santa laughed happily to himself. Tom looked thoroughly pissed at this joke and took a step closer.

`No, the favor isn't a lump of coal!' Tom said sarcastically `I need the perfect present to win back the woman I love…please?' he asked nicely, Santa though just looked at him in shock. Voldemort cringed at his request, he couldn't remember ever being such a big girl.

`Santa can't believe that you would ask Santa for such a pussy favor!' Santa said laughing. Tom looked furious but was holding it back.

`So is that a yes or a no?' Tom asked.

`Santa gives you a hell no!' Santa said laughing, now the anger in Toms face was released, Voldemort was shocked to see how much uglier he became with rage and made a mental note to keep it a bit better hidden in future.

`You dam old fool! You remind me exactly of Albus freaking Dumbledore!' Tom practically bellowed, while Santa looked curious.

`The man with the great beard?' Santa asked, not helping Tom's mood at all.

`The man with a freaking awful beard!' Tom bellowed, Voldemort looked at Dumbledore and mouthed `sorry' in a cringeful way, he hated when people found out what he said behind their backs, `both of you just go out of you're way too piss me off!'

`Stop shouting at Santa!' Santa shouted back in anger.

`Stop talking in third bloody person, you freak!' Tom said as Santa's face dropped in shock, `If you ever talk in third person again I promise I'll Avada Kedavra you straight to hell where you can spend all you're time with all the other social retards!' Tom screamed in anger as Santa's face reddened and reddened.

`Santa will kill you!' he screamed as he sprung at tom, he barely had time to whip out his wand and scream…

`Avada Kedavra!' and as he shouted the words a green light hit Santa and he fell lifeless to the floor. Tom stood there for a moment in shock, Voldemort could just see tears falling down his younger versions cheeks as the light took away his vision and the next moment he was back in his freezing cold room.

Thoughts were rushing through Voldemorts mind, why did he kill Santa being the main one. How the hell do you apply for the job of Santa being the other thought.

`So you killed Santa!' Dumbledore said in disgust `I mean that is a touch harsh, even for you!' Voldemort had to agree with that, killing children seemed tame compared to murdering Santa, Voldemort did have some feelings after all.

`It was an accident' Voldemort mumbled under his breath, Dumbledore looked angry at this.

`What part was the accident? Insulting him? Raising your wand? Shouting Avada Kedavra?' Dumbledore said in shock, but his face reddened as he became angrier till he shouted the next words `OR INSULTING MY BEARD!' Voldemort had never seen Dumbledore so pissed.

`I said I was sorry…' Voldemort tried to explain, he was feeling a bit bad about it all as he had to admit it was a pretty nice beard, as far as beards went anyway. Suddenly Voldemort heard a knocking at the door and Dumbledore spoke up at hearing it.

`That's you're next ghost' he said testily, obviously still angry about the beard jibe `I'm off…'

`Bye Dumbledore, we should have done this before' Voldemort said honestly, Dumbledore just smiled sarcastically but before he disappeared he heard him say the word `twat'. The door was instantly pushed open and Voldemort looked at the man before him.

`Who the hell are you?' he asked confused, the man just looked nastily at him `Aren't you going to answer?' the man huffed loudly before answering.

`Fine, but no chit chat' he said shortly `I'm Sirius Black. You killed my best friend James Potter. You're girlfriend killed me. And now you and you're mates arte trying to kill my godson, Harry Potter!' he said making a sarcastic bow at the end of his introduction, Voldemort had heard a lot about him and was quite intrigued, but he had one main thought on his mind.

`Bellatrix is NOT my girlfriend!' he said defiantly which Sirius smirked at.

`That's not what she said!' he teased with a smirk on his face `But whatever you need to believe…' Voldemort could feel his blood rising as the anger threatened to overflow, he had always told Snape to grow up when he heard about his arguments with Sirius Black, but now he could see Snape's point. He shuddered at the idea of agreeing with Snape. He was about to shout at Sirius when he realized how ugly anger made him, so he cleared his voice and tried to calm himself.

`So, where are we off to, dead man?' he said back politely, emphasizing the word dead in order to piss him off, Sirius just laughed at his feeble attempt though and muttered `geek' before answering.

`I know you're a bit dim, moldieshort, but haven't you already been told that you are the one to pick where we go?' he said. Voldemort could feel his anger building, had he really just been called `moldieshort'.

`I AM NOT SHORT!' he shouted in anger, Sirius though simply laughed causing him to get even angrier `I'M ABOUT 6 FOOT FREAKING 6! THAT IS SO NOT SHORT!' he shouted again, this man was intolerable, he wished he was alive so he could kill him.

`Fine, Voldie-pooh' he said laughing `We're off!' and with that the light went bright again and he found himself in another room. He looked around and realized he was in the staff room at his other hideout, Lucius and Bellatrix were the only ones there, they were apparently in deep conversation.

`This is fun!' Voldemort said out loud looking at Sirius `Didn't you get killed by that eeny teeny bitty woman?' he said laughing, Sirius was grinding his teeth staring at him, Voldemort couldn't help but laugh before turning his attention to Lucius and Bellatrix.

`I know it's hard' Lucius said softly `I could have been anything I wanted, I'm rich, handsome and powerful, but I decide to sign up with Voldemort, and do I ever get even a simple thank you? Nu-huh!' he said shaking his head sadly.

`It's not that he's a mean man' Bellatrix started `It's just since this whole Harry Potter thing he's become so distanced from us…do you remember the first D.E Christmas?' they looked at each other and sighed.

`Who knew Voldemort had such a nice singing voice?' Lucius said reminiscing `And what about when Crabbe tried to kiss Goyle? That was priceless!' they both laughed at the happy memories.

`Crabbe couldn't walk for a week!' Bellatrix added between laughs. They both went silent for a few moments, Voldemort looked at Sirius who mouthed the words `Singing?' to him questioning, Voldemort actually found himself blushing, something he didn't think his skin could actually do anymore. He stuck both fingers up at Sirius and went back to the conversation.

`If we can just get Harry Potter then I'd be sure that we'd have the old Voldemort back!' Lucius said sighing `It's just so hard to deal with him and his mood swings sometimes…' Bellatrix interrupted him though and said in a high pitched voice.

`But you're not the one in love with him!' she said and with this the light went bright and he found himself back in his room. Thoughts were running wild through his head, Bellatrix was in love with him? He had always just thought of her as a crazy stalker! Sure she was cute, and it would piss Sirius of he hooked up with both his cousin and killer. Sirius interrupted his musings though.

`You're a dick' he said simply and honestly, Voldemort was taken back in shock `just had to say it' he said politely.

`Thanks' Voldemort said confused, to call someone a dick totally out of the blue like that was incredibly weird and rude, even for the company he usually kept.

`You're welcome' Sirius said cheerily `Before I go though, leave Harry alone or else! He's found a woman he loves, and he's finally happy…so leave him alone!' he said threateningly, Voldemort just laughed.

`He finally got with that Hermione? Lucky son of a bitch! She sure is fine…' Voldemort asked conversationally, Sirius looked shocked `Oh come on! I might be the dark lord but I'm not blind! How obvious can two people make it! Puh-leeze!' and indeed it was painstakingly obvious, Hermione was a hot piece of ass Voldemort reckoned, and although he wanted to kill him he had to admit that Harry was a real cutie himself.

`I'm not even going to ask…' Sirius said turning away as the door knocked `Adios Amigo Voldie-pooh!' and with that he disappeared as the door was opened. In front of him was someone he NEVER expected to meet.

`Jesus H. Christ!' he whispered in shock.

`That's my name, don't wear it out, otherwise you'll have to buy me a new one!' Jesus said with a corny seventies game show host smile. Voldemort couldn't believe he was standing face to face with the lord savior Jesus Christ. A Million thought shot through Voldemorts brain and he was in such shock he had trouble hearing even a single one of them.

`I guess a Happy Birthdays in order?' Voldemort said politely.

`Only if you slap on a gin on the rocks with that order!' he said, his corny smile constantly attached as he let out a little fake laugh.

`I can't believe that you're my third ghost!' Voldemort said in shock.

`Well I am part of the Holy Trinity, although with Albus and Sirius included Christianity would be a lot more fun! Maybe I'll have a word with the Pope about a change' he said laughing. Voldemort did like the guy but he was staring to get a little annoying with his cheerfulness, but it was his birthday after all he reasoned, so he allowed it to slip.

`So where are we going then, Jesus?' he asked but instantly realized his mistake `Sorry, I know you don't know…' he said apologetically, Jesus however continued smiling.

`Actually, Tom, tonight I know exactly where we going!' he said in a cheesy way again and wheeled towards the door `Lets show Tom what's behind door number one!' he said in that game show host way of his that was starting to really piss Voldemort off, the door burst open and Voldemort felt the heat burn his skin before Jesus spoke loudly over the cackling `Hell of the Future!' and he pushed Voldemort through to claim his `prize'.

The heat burnt at his skin slightly as he looked around Hell, people were being tortured by demons all over the place, his first thought was to see if he could get any to join the death eaters but he quickly banished it.

`So what are we doing he…?' he asked but paused when he saw a shocking sight. He saw himself in a skirt being beaten the living daylights out of by none other than Neville Longbottom, that disgusting fat squib `I end up here?' he asked confused `I always thought that I was the good guy!' he said indignantly, his whole life had been turned upside down, Jesus looked knowingly at him.

`That's what every evil man ever has thought…Hitler…' and he pointed over at a man that was being eaten alive by turtles `…Stalin…' who was being kicked repeatedly in the crutch by an old woman who had about 30 cats around her `…Teddy Sheringham' who was being kicked to death in the most painful way possible, by the legend that is George Foreman. Voldemort was in shock and couldn't move as Jesus led him back through the door to his own room. He fell onto a chair, still unable to move for a few minutes.

`I'm going to end up there?' he said in shock.

`You will end up there…' Jesus said softly `unless you change your ways and become an instrument of good' he said looking into Voldemorts eyes.

`But…I've traveled so far down this road, I've killed so many, I don't even have a whole soul anymore. I killed Santa for goodness sake!...I can never get forgiveness!' he said on the verge of tears to Jesus. Jesus looked at him kindly for a moment before speaking again.

`Do you forget who you're speaking to?' he asked with a smile, it clicked into place why Jesus had been his third ghost.

`Can you…Will you forgive me?' he asked sincerely, Jesus looked at him and touched him on top of his head.

`You're forgiven, my friend. You're soul never belonged to you in the first place, so I shall give it back to you. But from this day on any new sins you commit will lead you to that future… live like a good man, and you will have a home with me forever in heaven' Jesus said softly standing up, Tom could feel tears of joy filling his eyes.

`Thank you Jesus…' he said simply, all he did was smile at him and disappear in a flash of bright light leaving Voldemort alone with his thoughts. He had to be a good man now, he had been wrong on his perceptions on Good and Evil, so that must have meant that Dumbledore was right! He knew that he would never live this down. Suddenly a knocking came from the door and in walked Bellatrix carrying an owl he didn't recognize. He smiled at Bellatrix and beckoned her over, she was a beautiful women, if a little crazily deranged, but he knew he could save her. He pulled her close to him, so close he could see the fear in her eyes, fear he wanted to kiss away, he pressed his lips against hers and felt a sensation he hadn't felt for decades, love. As he withdrew he could see tears soaking her face, a look of bliss etched across her face.

`Voldemort…' she started but he interrupted her.

`My names Tom, call me Tom' he cooed softly to her `or call me you're love…' he said softly as he pressed his lips against hers. For an hour or more they stayed that way, teasing each other with kisses until Bellatrix spoke up.

`Tom, we found something…' and she pulled away and showed him the owl, he recognized it as Harry's and grabbed the letter attached and read it…

Dear Tom,

I suspect that you won't be expecting this letter, but I wish to meet. No battles or threats of death, a one on one conversation for a change. I know you were once in love, that it was that that made you what you are, and I know you still have good in you. I know you can save yourself, and maybe the girl you still see when you close you're eyes. I invite you for Christmas dinner, a chance to make up for the one you missed all those years back.

Harry

As he finished it he realized that life had given him another chance, and he wasn't going to mess this up, he was going to make this the best Christmas ever if it killed him. Bellatrix interrupted his thoughts by speaking to him.

`We killed the owl' she said softly.

Damn.

***()___()___****

Hey, that's part 2, hoped you liked it…If people liked this then I'll write part three…if not I'm sorry for letting the first one down…Review!

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