Need

happy_daze

Rating: PG
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 6
Published: 30/12/2005
Last Updated: 06/01/2006
Status: completed

The summer right after HBP, Harry struggles with the knowledge that Ron and Hermione are going to be facing danger with him. Ginny tries to convince Harry that she should go too. Why will he let Ron and Hermione go, but not her?

Chapters

1. Part I

2. Part II

3. Epilogue

1. Part I

A/N: It’s been a long time since I have written anything. I guess I wasn’t feeling HP all that much, especially after HBP. But after reading some brilliant fanfics and having time to stew over the events in HBP (but I have yet to re-read the book, heh), perhaps I got my groove back. I don’t know. Please don’t be afraid to offer me some good, ol’ healthy concrit. I dare say I may need it after this long :)

[part one]

Ginny bit her lip as she eyed the clock in the living room, the ticking pounding away in her head. All the hands on the Weasley clock were pointing to home except for Ron’s, which was pointing to traveling.

That meant they were almost here.

The Burrow was pulsing with excitement and anxiety. Preparations for Bill and Fleur’s wedding had to be perfect. Everyone made sure it all went according to plan because things were already quite high-strung without Fleur or Mrs. Weasley blowing a gasket. Even the twins seemed behaved... which can only mean that something big was going to happen at the ceremony itself, Ginny couldn’t help thinking.

A loud Pop! disrupted Ginny’s thoughts and she whirled around to find her brother there, looking tired and worn. Harry and Hermione stood behind him, looking just as drained.

“Ron!” Ginny exclaimed, engulfing her brother into a hug. It had been different this summer. Ron hadn’t come home right away but instead he, Harry and Hermione had gone off somewhere... no one really knew where or why.

“Hermione! Glad you could make it!” Ginny hugged her too. When she pulled away, her eyes landed on Harry, who had his hands shoved deep into his pockets and was staring intently at the ground.

“And you, Harry—“

“Ron! You’re here!” Mrs. Weasley shouted in greeting, immediately assaulting her son and interrupting Ginny talking to Harry.

“Ah! Mom, get off me, I’m fine!” Ron said, fighting desperately to escape his mother’s clutches. She pulled away, still fussing over him.

“Oh, you look starved, dear. There’s food in the kitchen. Harry! Hermione!” Mrs. Weasley hugged them fiercely as well. “My, my, you three don’t look well at all. Run along now, go help yourselves to the food in the kitchen. Ginny!” Ginny’s head snapped up as her mother called her. “Go show them where everything is, and after, come help me and Fleur out in the garden.”

“Sure, Mum.” Mrs. Weasley scurried off. “Er... well come on to the kitchen, guys. I think you know where it is by now.” She forced out a little laugh, which Hermione returned hesitantly. Harry said nothing at all.

When they got into the kitchen, Ron was already loading up his plate. Ginny pulled out plates and glasses for Harry and Hermione and joined them at the table where they ate in silence.

“So, er, what you lot been up to?” Ginny asked, the silence driving her insane.

There was a brief moment where the sound of clinking knives and forks stopped and the three of them exchanged nervous glances. Their nervous glances unnerved Ginny.

Ron cleared his throat. “Oh, we were just doing, you know... this and that...”

Ginny looked at him dubiously. Ron hurriedly took a drink from his pumpkin juice.

“This and that?” Ginny repeated, skepticism laced in every word. “What exactly is this and that?”

“Really, Gin, it’s none of your business—“ Ron began to say. Ginny huffed loudly crossing her arms over her chest and abruptly standing up.

“Right. Fine. It’s none of my business. Well, I’m off to help Mum. You enjoy doing this and that, alright?” She stormed off.

Ron turned to look at Harry and Hermione who were quietly looking down at their plates. “I—I don’t know what to tell them,” he said. “We can’t tell them what we’re really up to! And even if we did, Mum would go mental!”

“We need a story to tell everyone,” Hermione said. “Sooner or later they’re going to start to wonder...”

“But what do we tell them?” Ron asked.

“Well we’re still not sure whether Hogwarts is reopening,” Hermione pointed out. “If it does reopen, that might be a disadvantage to us because someone will notice that we won’t be there... for our seventh year.”

A gloom descended on all three of them. Suddenly, they didn’t feel so hungry.

“We—we’re really doing this, aren’t we?” Hermione said, her voice shaky. “We’re not going back to Hogwarts. We won’t write our NEWT’s. We’re off to find pieces of Voldemort’s soul!”

Harry looked up helplessly at his friends. “Listen, you two don’t have to come. You could stay, you could—“

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Harry,” Hermione said shrilly.

“Yeah,” Ron put in. “We won’t be abandoning you, so stop trying to make us. It won’t work.”

“But it was like you were saying...” Harry said. “All that stuff Hermione said. If you come with me, you won’t be able to do all that! Hermione, you won’t be able to be Head Girl, and we all know that you would’ve been the one!”

Hermione scoffed. “Do you really think being Head Girl is that important to me? Harry, you’re safety and beating Voldemort is a thousand times more important to me. Besides, Hogwarts might not even reopen. I’m staying, Harry.”

“So am I,” Ron said determinedly.

*

The Burrow was extravagantly decorated for Bill and Fleur’s wedding. Every detail was paid attention to. From the script on the place cards, to the enormous ice sculptures, it was made sure that there was no mistake and there wouldn’t be any mistakes.

“Now, you two, I don’t want anything funny happening,” Mrs. Weasley told the twins, a death glare present in her eyes.

“Wouldn’t even think about it, Mum!” Fred said, putting up his hands.

“Yeah, we actually like Bill,” George put in.

“Now if it were Percy’s wedding, that’d be a different story—“

“You two, don’t you start anything with Percy. It’s enough that he’s actually showing up to his brother’s wedding without you two chasing him away.”

“We won’t start anything with Percy, don’t you worry about that,” George said gravely.

“We won’t even talk to him, nonetheless look at him,” Fred said.

“Well...” Mrs. Weasley faltered, trying to determine if this was a good thing or not. “Well, alright. I guess.”

Ron stood awkwardly nearby, tugging at the collar of his dress robes. At least they were nothing like the ones he wore in fourth year. These were newer and much more sophisticated looking, the only price was it made him feel itchy every five minutes. The twins sauntered over to him.

“Well, well, looks like ickle Ronniekins gets to stand up at our big bro’s wedding!” Fred exclaimed, clapping him on the back.

“You would think with all the brothers he had he would’ve made a better choice,” George remarked, picking lint off of Ron’s robes. Ron swatted his hand away.

“Oh, sod off, you two! You’re just bitter because you two aren’t standing up in the wedding...”

“Frankly, we could care less, Ronnie.”

“Those dress robes that Fleur picked out for the men to wear are nightmares!”

Ron silently fumed as the twins walked away laughing. He hated that they were right.

“Looking good, Ron!”

Ron turned around. Ginny was approaching him, wearing a bridesmaid dress and her hair in soft curls. She beamed at him.

“Thanks, Gin. You look good, too.” He scratched at his neck. “I hate these dress robes though.”

“Ron, Ginny, you two look gorgeous!” Hermione exclaimed as she drew near to them. Harry followed. Ginny noticed that he still would not look at her. “Oh, Ron, stop messing up your collar!” Hermione attempted to smooth it down but Ron just messed it right back up.

“I can’t help it!” he explained feebly.

“Hi, Harry,” Ginny said softly as Ron and Hermione continued bickering. “You, er, you look nice.” She told the truth too.

“Thanks,” he replied just as softly. “You too.”

“Ron! Ginny! You’re needed upstairs!” Charlie said to them as she dashed by. “Wedding party business. Tell Mum that I’ll be right there. I just got wind of an ice sculpture emergency... but don’t tell her that!” Charlie winked. “See you lot later!”

“Look, you two go to your wedding party business. Harry and me will go sit down.” Hermione rushed off, Harry trailing close beside her. Ginny stared after them, upset that her progress to actually conversing with Harry had been cut short.

“C’mon, Gin,” Ron said. The two left to join the other members of the wedding party upstairs.

*

Hermione sighed happily as she took in the atmosphere of the place. The night was peaceful for once. There was unabashed happiness in the air and the sound of laughter and clinking wine glasses met everyone’s ears. Hermione even thought that the stars were twinkling merrily down at them, a small tribute to a certain Headmaster’s eyes. Harry and Ron approached her, Butterbeer bottles in hand. Harry handed her one.

“It was a beautiful wedding,” she said dreamily. “Bill and Fleur look really happy together.” The three of them stared off to where the couple was standing, talking to friends with extra glows in their smiles.

“Well, that’s good for them,” Ron said. “But these dress robes are still murdering me...”

“But I’m proud of you, Ron. You managed to get through the entire ceremony without scratching your crotch,” Harry said, smiling as he took a sip of Butterbeer. Ron scowled while Hermione chuckled. It felt nice for all three of them to laugh. It was just sad that these moments were usually cut short, for reality usually settled in and the things they had pushed into the back of their heads fiercely came rearing to the front.

“Are we leaving tomorrow?”

The three of them avoided each other’s gazes. It was Hermione that broke the silence.

“We should leave quite early. Get a head start,” she said.

“A head start on what, exactly?” Ron asked. “We don’t know where to start! Nobody knows what we’re doing!”

“Professor McGonagall, remember? We wrote to her. We didn’t tell her everything, but I think Hogwarts is our first stop.”

“And then what?”

Hermione didn’t have an answer to that.

“It’s just... it’s just scary that we’re pretty much doing this all alone. I think maybe it’s time we tell someone. They may be able to help us!” Ron suggested desperately.

“But Dumbledore told Harry to tell no one, Ron!” Hermione exclaimed. Their conversation had dropped into hurried whispers.

“Dumbledore isn’t exactly here now, is he?”

“Ron! How could you? How—“

“Ron, let’s tell your family.”

Ron and Hermione looked up, startled, when Harry spoke. He gazed at the pair of them. “I mean it. We’ll tell the Weasleys. Tomorrow. Maybe after Bill and Fleur leave though.”

“Harry, are you sure?” Hermione asked, biting her lip doubtfully.

“Mum might not let me go if she knows, Harry! She’s like that, you know...”

“Who’s like that?”

The three of them whirled around in surprise, shocked to see Ginny standing close by, a drink clutched in her hand.

“Gin! How long have you been standing there?” Ron asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “Calm down, I didn’t hear anything.”

Ron continued looking at her strangely.

“I didn’t!” she exclaimed angrily. “I’m not some type of eavesdropper!”

Ron coughed into his hand what remarkably sounded like “Extendable ears!”

“Oh, like I’m the only one that used them.” She waved her hand dismissively. “Fine. I’ll leave you three alone, again. All you do is whisper with each other, about this and that no doubt. I know when I’m not—“

“Ginny. We have to tell you something,” Harry said.

Ginny slowly turned around. Her eyes passed over the shocked looks on Ron and Hermione’s faces to the resolute expression on Harry’s.

“Harry, what are you doing?!” Hermione asked frantically. Harry ignored her.

“Gin, do you know what a horcrux is?”

2. Part II

A/N: Happy new year, everyone!

*

Ginny couldn’t believe what she just heard. Here they were, the four of them sitting in the calm backyard in a friendly setting, speaking of unspeakable things. A desperate hunt to stop Voldemort once and for all... pieces of his soul.

“We’re going to tell the rest of your family tomorrow,” Harry said. It had been the most he had talked to her since their break-up. “With you guys knowing, it might help us.”

Ginny whipped her head up. She had been concentrating on a blade of grass.

“I want to go.”

Three stunned faces stared back at her.

“No, Gin, you can’t,” Ron said firmly.

“And why can’t I? I know all about it now. Harry said it himself... it might help you! It might—“

“No, Ginny!”

“Stop acting like my father, Ron!”

“You know as well as I do that there’s no way in Hell that Mum and Dad will let you come with us!”

“And you know as well as I do that Mum and Dad won’t let you go either! I want to go!”

“Ginny, you are not going!”

“Listen, Ginny, Ron’s right. You can’t come with us! You’re better off here, you’re—“

“How am I better off here, Hermione?!”

“Shut up, all of you!” Harry stood up. It had just occurred to Ginny that all four of them were standing up now. She didn’t know when that had happened.

“Ginny, you can’t come with us,” he said with finality. The words stung. “I think this conversation is over for the night.” He looked at Ron and Hermione. “We’ll tell everyone else tomorrow. I’m going to bed.” With that, he stalked off, leaving Ron, Hermione and Ginny alone.

Ginny watched him walk back into the house. Her head was buzzing.

“I’m going to bed, too,” she said.

“Ginny, we hope you understand—“ Hermione began to say.

“’Night,” Ginny cut in, following Harry into the house.

*

She stood outside the door, debating with herself on whether or not she should knock and talk to him or not. Maybe things were better where they had left off... Ginny didn’t want to come off as annoying and prodding. But then again, she wanted to know why she couldn’t go with them. She wanted to help. She wanted to be useful. She is—was—Harry’s girlfriend! That meant something, didn’t it?

Tentatively, she knocked.

The door slowly opened and soon Ginny found herself face-to-face with Harry, the closest she had ever been with him in a while. She felt the heat creep up to her cheeks and she desperately willed it to stop. Harry was still in his dress robes, though he had loosened the tie now.

“Gin, what do you want?” he asked.

Ginny bit her lip. “Harry, can we talk? C-can I come in?”

A fleeting look of doubt passed over Harry’s face but he finally stepped aside and allowed Ginny into the room. The orange of Ron’s walls assaulted her eyes as she entered, blinking. She took a seat on Ron’s bed as Harry silently closed the door.

“Harry, I want to go with you.”

Harry did not turn to face her. His hand was still on the doorknob as if he was contemplating on bolting out of the room any moment.

“No,” he said. So simple, so short.

“But I don’t understand!” Ginny exclaimed, starting to feel angry. “You told me everything! I want to help you...”

“Then help me by staying here, Gin,” Harry said, turning around to face her. “Help me by taking care of your family by staying here.”

“But, Harry...” Ginny stood up and took a step closer to him. In turn, Harry took a step back, as if afraid of her touch. Ironic how things had changed so quickly between them, Ginny thought wryly. She tore her gaze away from his. “Why do they get to go?”

Harry pursed his lips, his face going tense. “I told them not to come.”

“Yet they still are,” Ginny pointed out. “It doesn’t look like you’re stopping them.”

Harry stared at his feet, not knowing what to say.

“If you’re not letting me go in order to keep me safe, why aren’t you doing the same for them?” Ginny spoke softly, but the look on Harry’s face made it look like she was yelling at him, each word cutting deeply into him.

Finally, he looked up, his green eyes unusually bright. “I—I don’t know why I’m doing this, Gin. I don’t know why I’m letting them come with me, why I don’t just take off right now without another word to anyone. Maybe it’s me being selfish but...” He made eye contact with her, his eyes positively searing. “I need them.”

“And me...?” Ginny whispered, afraid to ask. “You need them, and you don’t need me?” She emphasised the word ‘them’, wondering if Harry would understand what she was really saying.

Harry said nothing. “I think you should go, Gin. You’re part of the wedding party. They’ll be looking for you.”

Ginny stood up, sniffing and wiping hastily at her eyes. She felt angry. She felt sad. She felt a million different emotions. They all bubbled down to one fact:

Harry Potter did not need her.

Not like he needed Ron.

Not like he needed Hermione.

Hermione.

Ginny couldn’t help but scoff at the name in her head. What did Hermione have that she didn’t?

Ginny opened the door, only to find Ron and Hermione standing behind it, looking sheepish but also looking concerned. Ginny noticed that Hermione’s eyes immediately sought for Harry, never mind the crying girl standing right in front of her that just opened the door.

With one look at them, Ginny silently shook her head and walked away. Ron stared after her.

“Maybe I should go talk to her...” he said, dashing after her. Hermione lingered in the doorway, watching Harry’s seated form on the bed, his head bent low as he stared at his hands.

“Harry, what happened?” she asked, her voice a soft whisper that Harry almost didn’t hear her. He continued looking at his hands, his fingers tracing the outlines of Umbridge’s punishment absentmindedly.

“Ginny, she just—“ he sighed helplessly. “She wants to come with us.”

Hermione joined him on the bed. How many times had she heard Harry’s rant about Ginny not coming? They all knew that a situation like this would happen.

“What did you say?” she asked.

Harry laughed dryly. “I told her no, of course. As you can see, she didn’t take it very well.”

“But it’s all for the best, isn’t it?”

Harry’s sardonic smile faded away. He looked up at her. “Yes, it is for the best.”

“Well, then what’s the—“

“But she kept bringing up how I’m letting you and Ron come with me. How I’m letting you two accompany me into danger. That’s exactly the reason why I won’t let her come... why aren’t I doing the same to you guys? Why aren’t I telling you two to stay? To be safe?” He rubbed his hands up and down his arms. He felt cold all of a sudden.

Hermione draped her arm over him, offering some of her warmth, even though she knew that this coldness that Harry felt wasn’t physical. She rested her head on his shoulder and gently took a hold of his hand. She said nothing, for she did not even know what to say. She had thought about the things that Harry had said, but she never really dwelled on them. It was just common knowledge to her that she’d stick by him, no matter what.

“Do you know what I told her?” Harry said, staring straight ahead, his voice sounding faraway, as if he wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. Hermione shook her head, her hair lightly tickling Harry’s neck as she did so. Harry’s grip on her hand tightened a bit. “I said that I needed you guys. More or less, I told her that I didn’t need her... but I needed you.” He turned to look at her. Hermione lifted her head from his shoulder to gaze back at him.

“I need you,” he repeated, awe and wonder in his voice.

It did not register very quickly in Hermione’s head. She smiled lightly and rubbed her hand lightly on Harry’s face. “I know,” she simply said. “I know you need Ron and me. We need you too. We’ll be here for each other.” She started to get up, but Harry’s grip on her hand did not loosen. She was jerked back to sit next to him again.

“No, Hermione,” he said quickly. His eyes darted to his hand where the words ‘I must not tell lies’ were barely visible. “Hermione, I need you. Not just Ron. Not like the way I need Ron. I need you. I—“

Hermione’s mouth was gaping open. She quickly closed it and shook her head. “No, Harry. Don’t say things you’ll regret. Don’t say things you don’t mean! You’re—you’re upset about things with Ginny! You’re—“

“But I’m not, Hermione! I need you more than you can imagine.”

Hermione’s hand went limp in Harry’s grasp. She stared, dumbfounded, at his face, urging herself to find some type of lie in there... a sign that he was lying... he was faking...

“Please,” was all he said before he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

It was brief. Hermione did not have the time to react. She did not know how...

This was Harry.

Harry was confessing that he needed her.

Harry was kissing her.

“Hermione?” he asked, his voice coming out in a whisper, his hot breath passing over her cheeks.

She shook her head, but placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him anyway, ignoring the objections and protests taking place in her mind.

Harry needed her.

And she knew it all along, but it hit her hard just then:

She needed Harry just as much.

3. Epilogue

The Weasleys, minus the newlyweds and of course Percy, were seated around the kitchen table. Harry, Ron and Hermione were standing, having just finished their explanation of what they were up to, what their mission was. Mrs. Weasley was weeping quietly in the corner, Mr. Weasley’s arms around her and shushing her even though he, himself, looked like he wanted to cry. The twins looked grim, their arms crossed as they stared at the wooden patterns on the table. Charlie was rubbing his hand across his stubble in serious thought. Ginny wasn’t even in the room.

“You three haven’t told anyone about this?” Charlie asked, looking at the trio.

They shook their heads grimly.

“This is mental,” Fred said, no sign on his face to suggest that he was joking. “You three can’t do this on your own!”

“But we won’t be doing this on our own. We told you.” Harry said, determination in his voice. “You guys are the only ones I know of that are still faithful to the Order of the Phoenix.”

Silence resounded around the table. The impact of everything hit home, and it hit hard.

“But we’re going to come with you!” George interjected, rising from his seat.

Harry shook his head firmly. “No. What I need everyone here to do is help assemble the Order. With Dumbledore gone, we’re going to have to work extra hard.”

Hermione nodded. “Get the Order together! Make sure that the others are still faithful even with Dumbledore gone. When you are sure that we can trust them, tell them everything about the horcruxes.”

“You can help us from there,” Ron added. The three of them stood together, looking a lot older than they really were.

“What about Snape?” Mr. Weasley asked, his arms still around his quivering wife. Hermione noticed Harry’s jaw tense.

“I—I don’t know about Snape,” Harry said truthfully. “He killed Dumbledore.” The words hovered ominously in the air. Hermione moved closer to him, unnoticed by no one.

“So we just stay here...” Fred said disbelievingly. “While you three go out into danger, we stay here and do nothing.”

“Why?!” Mrs. Weasley suddenly screamed out. “Why must you three go chasing after danger? We can assemble the Order and do it ourselves! You three can stay safe! You can—“

“Mum...” Ron said helplessly, but it was Harry that approached her.

He walked up to Mrs. Weasley’s chair and silently knelt down in front of her. She clutched her handkerchief to her face, her sobs shaking her body. Harry peered up at her.

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Weasley,” he said, blinking back tears. A few tears leaked out of her eyes until finally she engulfed Harry into a tight, motherly hug. Harry drank in the feeling. It felt like it was strengthening him. He pulled back. “I—I have to do this. For everyone.”

Mrs. Weasley nodded, tears still seeping out and running down her cheeks. Mr. Weasley took a hold of Harry’s hand. “Don’t leave right away, Harry. Now that we know, at least we can help you prepare a bit. You need all that you can get.”

*

Much to Hermione’s relief, it was finally decided that she, Harry, and Ron wouldn’t go off hunting right away. They would still go to Hogwarts, for Hermione was quick to point out that they had excellent resources of research for them. Remus would be contacted about helping the Weasleys assemble the Order, and on a side note, perhaps Harry would visit Godric’s Hollow to visit his parents.

“I don’t know why I never visited them before,” Harry said as he packed away his belongings. Hermione was folding all the clothes he threw carelessly into the trunk. Ron was gathering things for their trip from all over the house.

“What do you expect to find there?” Hermione asked.

Harry shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if the house I lived in will still be there...” He cleared his throat. “Something is just telling me to go there.”

“Ron and me will be with you,” Hermione said. Harry looked over at her. She was smiling at him. He smiled back, deep affection for her bubbling inside of him. “Did you want to be alone when you... when you visit your parents?” Hermione questioned, her smile slowly fading.

“No,” Harry said, moving closer to her. “No. I want you there with me.” He hesitated then finally brushed his lips against hers. He was still getting used to this new relationship he had with Hermione. It was exciting and deathly frightening at the same time.

Suddenly, a cough startled the pair of them and they whipped to look at the doorway.

It was Ginny.

Immediately Hermione moved away from Harry, but he consciously moved closer to her once again. Ginny approached them, her face not showing if she noticed this or not.

“I heard you’re leaving tomorrow,” she said. Hermione went back to folding. Harry nodded wordlessly.

Ginny bit her lip, a trait that Harry had once found endearing. He could see that she was struggling with something. Finally, she leapt up and put her arms around him.

“Come back safe,” she said. She let go. She coughed again uncertainly. Hermione slowly turned around, expecting the worse... a verbal lashing... a slap in the face... she didn’t know. She braced herself.

But unexpectedly, Ginny hugged her fiercely as well.

“Both of you,” she said. “Come back safe.”

*

As the three of them prepared to Apparate into Hogsmeade, Harry watched Ron and Hermione fuss over their belongings, making sure everything was there.

“Ron, where are the torches?”

“What do we need those Muggle contraptions for? We have wands!”

“Ron! We must be prepared for anything and everything! Now where are the torches!?”

“They’re in the trunk with everything else.”

“Fine... Omigosh, Ron! How much food did you bring?”

“You said we had to be prepared for anything and everything!”

Harry smiled to himself.

“You two ready?” he asked as he cut into Ron and Hermione’s banter. Hermione quickly shut the lid of the trunk.

“Yes, I think so.”

“We’re all set,” Ron said.

Harry took a deep breath. “Alright, let’s do this.”

“Let’s save the world,” Ron said.

“Together,” Hermione added, linking her arms with Harry and Ron.

The both of them grabbed a hold of the trunks and with a loud Pop! all three of them vanished.