Always Yours, Never Mine

AN: I will finish this story. I promise. It will have substance.

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It's just a party. I keep saying that to myself, hoping that I will come to believe it. I know it is not just a party. Ron will be there. You will be there. Isn't that enough to make any sane witch scared out of her wits? Well, I mean, any normal witch would assume be jumping for joy seeing Ron Weasley, champion keeper for the Canons and Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Saved-The-Wizarding-World-As-We-Know-It. But then again, I have never been a normal witch.

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Tell me to breathe. Please. I don't think I can do it on my own anymore. I haven't seen you in three years. My fault, I admit. I was working, I was studying, I was throwing myself out of whack. Take your pick of my excuses. None of them are correct. None of them are true. Yes, I was working. Yes I was studying. And yes, I might have thrown myself out a little bit. But none of them are the reason that I haven't seen you for so long. I was in lo...well, I don't like to talk about it, seeing as if I voice it, then it might actually be true. I don't want it to be true, because it would throw the perfectly orderly life I have made for myself into chaos. I might lose you forever, if I told you. Then again, I wonder what I am doing at the moment?Â

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I think about you on a regular basis. I often wonder to myself what I would do if I ever saw you again. Why is there this nagging feeling that keeps me thinking of you, anyhow? Your hair, your eyes, your grin, your being my best friend for so long and then going off, saving the world, and kissing your best friend's sister. I know this is beginning to be unhealthy, thinking of you like this. I shouldn't. This should just be infatuation at most, friendship at best, but that doesn't explain why I haven't been able to face you for three years. That doesn't explain why you come into my mind when I'm alone, when I'm most vulnerable. That doesn't explain why, in my dreams, when Voldemort decides to AK me, you're the one that does some fancy bit of magic and saves me, and kisses me afterwards. In my dreams, it's always me you're kissing, never her. And that's the main thing, the main reason that I'm never supposed to think of you. You've got her. Rest assured, I would never come between you and your fire-haired goddess. That would be absurd, especially for me, because I know how it feels to come between two people. Goodness knows in Fifth Year when I came between you and Cho. I felt horrible, yet strangely elated that you defended me against her.

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Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I could control my feelings. I wonder if I would be with Ron, the first one who told me he loved me. I wonder if I would choose him knowing that he was meant to be with Luna, that in the present day, he would be so in love with her. He could never give her up like he did me. I would never want him to do that. I admit prejudice against her in the beginning, but the girl was in Ravenclaw, yet seemed so fantastical. She is so alike to me. I know that now, now that we have shared so much and lost so much during the war.Â

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The War. It has changed us. It has made me more immune to, but more afraid of pain. I am scared of hurting my body, scared of hurting my mind, scared of hurting my heart. I am so scared of hurting my heart. You are making it worse, I know, because I have this image of you in my mind, this perfect image, because although you are far from perfect, you are still somehow perfect to me. Do you remember that night, when I was awake and shivering because of a nightmare and you somehow sensed it and came into my room? Ron, my supposed boyfriend, was snoring away down the hall, but you sensed that I needed someone, that I needed you. You didn't ask any questions, just crawled into bed next to me and held me. And I slept. And in the morning, you smiled at me, and kissed the top of my head, and crept back into your room. Ron never knew. I never forgot.

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You're the same boy with the broken glasses on the train. You've just grown stronger, changed into someone that knows pain and anguish and knows how to relieve it, even at the expense of yourself. I wish that you would stop blaming yourself, even part of the time. I wish she could help you. I wish I could help you. I wish I could forget you too, but I know that it's not going to happen.

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So I'll put on my dress. I'll tame my hair. I'll put on a decent pair of earrings. 'll go to the Ministry party that is supposed to be honoring me. I'll see Ron there with Luna, and I'll kiss them both and bless their child that I know is on the way. I'll see you there with Ginny, and I'll kiss you both and wish you....well, I'll wish you something. Sometime will pop into my mind. I'm Hermione Granger, after all, and something will come to me. I know. I'll give you both my love. And you'll never know that I love you more than I let on, that I will always, always love you. And for now, that will be enough.

I hate dress robes. They always make me seem so formal, and whenever I seem formal, it means I'm going to one of those obligated parties where no one stops staring at me and no one really talks to me. I sit on the sidelines, drinking glass after glass of some red or yellow stuff, and get out of there as fast as I can. Ginny makes, well made, these things more bearable. She would stay with me when people stared and would then drag me up to them and force some conversation. Now, the parties were as boring as ever, but when you're trying to converse with someone and trying not to notice the hairy mole on their chin, time goes by faster than if you just sit and drink the red stuff.Â

I was going to ask Ginny to accompany me to this party too, like I did the last one. She always knows what to say and what to do. She always dresses me in something that's not so scratchy. She knows how to glare at Ron to get him to sod off. Well, she knows how to glare at anyone to get them to sod off. But then again, so do you, and I think you do it better. Being the greatest witch of our time and everything....ahrrrrr....why do all thoughts come back to you? I'm not supposed to think of you anymore. I'm not supposed to think of you at all. You're the one that made it perfectly clear you didn't want anything to do with me. We work in the same, sodding place for goodness sake! Every time in the past three years that I've gone to find you, to drop in on you unexpectedly, the door disappears on me, as if it doesn't want me to find it. I've tried to wait for you. I've guarded the exits. You're either wearing an invisibility cloak, or are taking extra precautions not to see me. Why is that, Hermione? Why? Aren't we best friends? The first few weeks I chalked it up to you being busy. But you've never been so busy that you haven't had time to see me. I've tried to owl you, but Hedwig always came back without a reply. I tried you at your flat, but it's warded against everyone. Don't you trust me? I don't have the Idiot-Who-Tried-To-Kill-Me-As-A-Baby in my head anymore. I just wanted to see you.

Three years, Hermione, three years. The first time I've seen you in three years was at that sodding Ministry party, ironically, the one in your honor. I actually wanted to come to this party; I never want to go to those parties. I wanted to see you. I took extra time in choosing my dress robes, practicing what I would say when I would see you, the questions I would demand that you answer. But then I saw you. Cream dress robes. Hair flowing over your shoulders. I forgot everything I was going to say. I saw you walk up to Ron and Luna, kiss them both. I saw you place your hand on Luna's bulge, and say something that made Ron's ears turn as red as his hair.

I saw you walking towards us, Ginny and me. I saw your eyes widen as you took in Ginny's stomach. I wanted to tell you that the baby wasn't mine, that my relationship with her had changed in the past three years, but then your lips were on my cheek and I couldn't think for a minute. I vaguely heard you mutter a congratulations and something about love, and then, suddenly, you were gone. All I saw was a blur of brown. I couldn't move until I felt Ginny's hand on my arm.

"Harry. You have to tell her. This is unhealthy. You can't do this forever. I can't always be the one with you at Ministry parties. I have...my husband. I think he sort of resents that I do this for you. After all, he did hate you for some years."

I snapped out of my reverie. "Sodding Malfoy...errr...Draco. It's not my fault he decided to drop out of the magical scene, and marry and have a baby with someone who's still here. Oh no...Ginny! The baby! She thinks your baby is mine! You have to tell her that it's not. You have to make her understand. You have to - "

"No, Harry. She's yours. You have to do this. You have to talk to her. You barely said two words to her when she came over. It's time to step it up. Where's your Gryffindor bravery?"

"She has been IGNORING me for three years, Gin. I tried. What am I supposed to do?"

"She can't run away from you here, Harry."

Ginny was right. I went looking for you. I was drawn to you. You were so perfect, just as you've always been to me. Granted, your temper is not always in check, and you're scary sometimes, but you're always perfect. Do you remember that time when I was dreaming and we were losing, and I was flailing around and yelling and moaning and he was going to kill you? And you placed your hand over mine and your voice brought me back into the real world? And you held me in your arms as i cried, and you kissed my hair and I slept? And in the morning, you went back to Ron, and I went back to being Harry? Ron never knew. I never forgot.

You were talking to him. I don't remember his name. Justin? Jeffrey? James? Yes, I think it was James. I remember because you were talking to someone with the same name as my father. And you were smiling and laughing and my heart plunged to the ground. What was he to you? Why didn't I know? Shouldn't I know? I still consider you my best friend, after all. I saw him take your hand and a blush stain your cheeks. I walked away. I took Ginny's hand and we left the stupid thing. I couldn't come between you and happiness. I was a coward. I should have walked up, demanded to know where you were in the past three years and kissed you, like I had in my dreams. The alternative was that I should have just forgotten you, but I couldn't do that.

So I'll put on my dress robes. I'll try in vain to tame my hair. I'll put on some nice shoes. I'll go to this stupid party honoring someone I can't remember, and I'll have no Ginny to remind me to look for you. But I'll remember anyways. I'll see Ron there with Luna, and I'll congratulate them and demand to be made godfather. I'll hope to see you, preferably without James, and if he's there, I'll congratulate you and if he's not there, I'll demand to know what's wrong with us. But I have a sinking feeling that he will be there. So I'll say...something. Because I am Harry Potter, and if I don't say anything, I'll just glare and make him go away. And if he's still there, you'll never know how much I love you. But I'll see you, at least, and for now, that will be enough.

AN: Whoops. This chapter is a little short. Sorry about that. It's worth setting up for the next chapter, though. Promise.

It's not just a party anymore, is it? It never was. I expected to see you at there with Ginny, but I never expected her to be pregnant. I never expected you to simply stare at me when I went up and kissed you both and muttered my congratulations. If she's pregnant, then you must have married her at some point, and Hedwig never brought any letters telling of a wedding. I wasn't invited then. Is it my fault? Did you get married after you stopped sending the letters? I tried harder than ever to stop loving you then. Then again, I don't know if I could have stood to see you marry her, when all I wanted was to see you marry me. But I would have gone anyways. I just wish I knew so I could have planned something to say ahead of time. I saw you staring at me, as if you didn't know me, and I felt your eyes boring into me as I turned and left. You never said a word. You never even said my name.Â

It's funny how life works. It's funny as I was making my way over to the punch table, thinking of you and your taciturnity, that I would meet James. I talked to him, mostly about work and such, and he was nice. He's someone I could like, and I think he likes me. After all, he took my hand and invited me to the next Ministry party, honoring the healers of St. Mungo. I blushed, something I don't do very often. But even then, as I was speaking to him, you crept into my mind, yet again. It scares me a little because he's someone that I could really like. But then I think of you, the one I already love. I agreed to go because I was sure that you'd be there. You're always there, aren't you?

Fate seems to want to push me towards you, even though you're already with Ginny. I have successfully avoided seeing you for three years, and now, twice in a week, you were there. Well, that's not entirely true. I have been seeing you in my dreams every night now, but that's beside the point. Ginny wasn't there with you this time, I noticed. You seemed out of your element without her, sitting on the side, drinking wine, something that might have seemed casual to an outsider, but could never fool me. I would have talked to you. I might have even explained everything to you if James hadn't gotten to me first. Would I have? I was scared enough just to see you again.

I talked to him, but all the time, I was watching you. I saw you looking at us, as if trying to figure out who I was. I had almost thought you had forgotten me, but then you walked over.

"Hermione." (My name. You're not saying anything else, so I suppose that I can say your name too.)

"H-Harry." (Oh! Why is my voice so shaky? It's not the first time I've spoken to you. I mean well....oh you're saying something else.)

"James." (You know each other? Is this a good thing or bad thing?)

"Mr. Potter." (Mr. Potter? Well you never did like being called Mr. Potter...)

"Enjoying yourselves? May I borrow Hermione for a second? We haven't spoken in a while. Yes? Thank you."

You literally dragged me away from there. I was flabbergasted. I couldn't say a word, especially with your hand on my arm, especially because we were going outside, especially because all of a sudden, I was being apparated away without warning. It was like we were in Hogwarts again and you had done something terribly rude (and actually you had done something terribly rude, leaving James standing there like that) and all the feelings that I had been repressing decided at that moment to spring free.

"Harry James Potter! What did you think you were doing? I was having a wonderful conversation with that very nice young man, and you dragged me away and apparated me to Merlin knows where and -"

"Hermione! Will you shut up a second? I should be the one asking the questions. Where have you been for the last three years? Why haven't you answered any of my owls? Why weren't you there when I needed you? Aren't I your best friend? What about all we've been through? Doesn't that mean anything to you? WHY, IN THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN IGNORING ME?"

Isn't in ironic? You were berating me, and all I could think about was how your hair was delightfully messed up from apparating, how your eyes were flashing anger, but not danger - anger mixed with something else I think - and how you were flushed and your lips were something I wouldn't mind being pressed against. And all of a sudden your hands were on my shoulders and were shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Hermione! Are you listening to me? Can you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

You were out of breath. You were panting short puffs, warm in the cold air. Your hands were on my shoulders. You were so close to me. Your face was right above mine. Your lips were right above mine. I couldn't help it.

I kissed you.

And you kissed me back.

All right. I admit it. I may have been a bit drunk. Sitting there, drinking lots of red stuff will do that to you. Ginny wasn't there to stop me. No one came up to me and initiated conversation. Well bollocks to them. I didn't want conversation anyways. I wanted you. And when I saw you, I forgot the wine. I forgot the glass. I forgot to breathe for a minute there. You were beautiful. Well, I suppose you're always beautiful, but when exactly did you find the time to buy all those dress robes that I've never seen before, dress robes that hug your figure so gracefully? You seemed cool and calm and completely in your element. You looked around, looking for him probably. Then you looked at me. Then you started to walk towards me. A million things ran through my mind. What should I say? What should I do? Should I offer you something to drink? Should I offer you myself? Why exactly are you walking towards me when you haven't paid any attention to me in three years other than the last party, which ended in total disaster for me? You were almost to me. I searched my mind for something, anything to say. I had just decided on your name when....he showed up and whisked you away. So in the end, you had been walking towards him all along. I slumped. I took another drink. I probably took a drink from the wrong glass. Come to think of it, that's probably why the wizard with the black mustache and big ears was staring at me, but I was too busy staring at you.

What do you see in him? One look at him and anyone can tell that he's a pompous fool who'd sleep with anything with a skirt on. He's way too forward, that one. Never could stand him. Never mind that he's in my department in the Ministry and is one of the brightest Aurors of his year. He's bad news, I tell you, bad news. That's why I decided I had to protect you from him. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the fact that I saw the two of you so deep in conversation that I felt something well up inside me. Some might call it jealousy. Jealousy. What an ugly word. I'd like to call it bravery.Â

I may have been a little crude when I went up to you. To be honest with you, I was just glad I could walk. I wasn't sure what I was going to say. I wasn't even sure what I was doing in the first place. Memories of Hogwarts and protecting you just instilled themselves in me. Now I know you don't really need to be protected. Hell, you scare me, just a bit. But I felt like I had to do something, or I would have exploded and ruined everyone's evening.

I decided on your name. It's utterly and completely yours, after all. It's perfect.

"Hermione." (Your name. Wonderful start, that.)

"H-Harry." (You looked surprised to see me, like you didn't know what to say. Ha! I had rendered the great Hermione Granger speechless. Well, it was just as well, as i didn't have anything to say either.)

"James." (Look at the fool, standing there. If there weren't so many people present I may just have to...)

"Mr. Potter." (Ugh. He's too polite. Obviously trying to get alone with you. Well that's not going to happen.)

"Enjoying yourselves? May I borrow Hermione for a second? We haven't spoken in a while. Yes? Thank you."

Now I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I grabbed your wrist and dragged you out of there, other than the fact that you became a bit flustered and hadn't said a word since my name. Now, I wasn't sure if you were building up your anger to throw at me later, or if you were simply speechless. I decided on the former and decided to apparate us to a place where we could have a little more privacy, mainly so if you decided to hex me into oblivion, no innocent bystanders would be caught in the crossfire.

I was right. As soon as we landed in the park next to my flat, you began thinking. You're eyes got that debating look, and I was sure that you were debating whether to lecture me first, then hex me, or to hex me first then lecture. I was hoping it would be the first.

You began to talk. I stopped listening after "Harry James Potter! What did you think you were doing?" I began to notice, instead, your hair, windblown and wild. I always did like it that way. And your eyes, that deep amber. What I wouldn't give to see them sparkle with happiness again? How long has it been? Ahh....you were still going on about something, but as I thought, I realized that I had a lot of questions for you, the one who has been ignoring me. I wondered why you were yelling at me, when it should have been me who was yelling at you. I began to feel more righteous, more brave. Maybe that was the alcohol again, but it didn't matter. I was angry at being left out. So I said the first thing that came into my mind.

"Hermione! Will you shut up a second? I should be the one asking the questions. Where have you been for the last three years? Why haven't you answered any of my owls? Why weren't you there when I needed you? Aren't I your best friend? What about all we've been through? Doesn't that mean anything to you? WHY, IN THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN IGNORING ME?"

You looked a little lost after that speech, so I decided to soldier on before you began hexing me.

"Listen, Mione. I missed you, a lot more than you know. It's hard having a best friend for some seven years and then suddenly having her disappear. Do you know how many times I tried to find you? No one seemed to know where you had gone. I knew you were in the Ministry. I knew you were connected with the healers in some way or another, but every time I tried to look for you, I came up empty handed. I was Harry-Bloody-Potter, for Merlin's sake. I thought i deserved to at least know where my best friend was. But again, no one would tell me and -"

You weren't listening to me. I could tell. I'm sure I've had that expression on my face a thousand times during History of Magic. I was pouring my heart out to you and you weren't even listening! I did the only thing I could think of at the moment (I seem to be doing lots of that lately). I grabbed your shoulders and shook.

"Hermione! Are you listening to me? Can you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

That seemed to wake you up. I was out of breath. Making speeches takes a lot out of a guy. It's hard enough being out of breath, but having your breath taken away from you again because the girl, no, the woman you've been in love with for so long is looking in your eyes. Well, that's a bit much.Â

I was towering over you. Well, I mean, not towering, but we were close. I could see every one of your eyelashes. Your cheeks, flushed. Your lips. Oh those lips. I couldn't concentrate for a minute. I'm going to have to start concentrating around you, or I don't know what will become of me. But you see, when I stop concentrating, the most delightful things happen. Suddenly, those wonderful lips were on mine.

You kissed me.

And I kissed you back.

AN: AH! I thought I was going to move forward with this chapter, but I started writing and and I ended up here. Well, one must await to see what happens with Hermione's misgivings, I suppose. I really don't like being evil. It just comes to me. =P

A/N: I'm not going to be updating as often after this because I've got a competition coming up, and I'm a little stuck on one of the chapters. Maybe every couple of days or so, instead of every day like I've been doing earlier. Plus, WHOA! It's Harry again instead of Hermione!

It was perfect. It was perfect because you are perfect and you make up for me not being perfect. If I was one of those pompous fools, I would have said that I knew that we would kiss because I am "The-Great-Harry-Potter" and so on and so forth. But the truth is, I never expected it. I was only looking for some answers as to why you had suddenly left me, and perhaps a hug and an "Oh Harry, let's be friends again." That would have made my night. But then you went and kissed me and all expectations were blown out the window.

Your lips were so soft, under mine. I could have stayed there for an eternity. Then I felt your arms moving to my neck, your hands moving to my hair. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing with my hands but somehow they ended up on your waist. All I could think about was pulling you closer. That fierce, male pride. I wanted my Hermione. I wanted to taste you. My tongue snuck out on it's own accord and suddenly, you were gone, like a bullet.

I was way past expectations at this point, so I was utterly confused when you pulled away. You looked confused as well, thinking. Your eyes were in thinking mode. I could almost hear your brain whirling. You looked like you had made the worst mistake of your life. How could it be bad when it was the best kiss of my life? How could it be bad when it felt so right? I was expecting you to say something alone the lines of: "Oh Harry. I'm so sorry. I had no right to do that. I'm with James, after all, and it was just some spur of the moment thing because of your close proximity and the setting and everything. And I wanted you to stop yelling at me." So I was formulating a thought to answer that, making a plan to stop you from apparating right after you told me. But, as always, reality was so different from my expectations that I would have never made it as a seer. The first thing that came out of your mouth after that mindblowing kiss was:

"Ginny."

I, being the utterly slow prat that I am, was confused. Ginny? Why Ginny? Was she here? If she was here, she should congratulate us. But how would she find us here? And what about the baby? It's not too safe for her to be traveling with the baby. Malfoy would kill me if anything happened to the baby. Ron would kill me if anything happened to that baby. So, being the male that I am, I said the only thing I could.

"Ginny?"

Which was apparently not the right thing to say because tears began to run down your cheeks right after I said it.Â

"Harry! You know, your wife Ginny? The one that we've both betrayed when I kissed you? Oh Merlin, I've just gone and kissed you haven't I? I've totally ruined your life. I've totally ruined Ginny's life. And with the baby coming! That's it. You can't tell her. You can't ever tell her because then she'd hate you and I couldn't bear to see you unhappy, and you must go back to your wife and baby, so I'm going to disappear after saying this. I knew I made the right decision by avoiding you three years ago. I knew that something like this would happen. It just had to given my luck...."

Now, see you probably said a lot more following that, but it takes a while for my brain to work after being so confused. Actually, I think it's just you that makes my brain stand still because when I'm dueling and confused, my brain works much better. So now, I suddenly remembered that you didn't know that Ginny and I had broken up long ago. I had to set you straight before you decided to do something drastic and apparate and make it so I could never find you again. It's a good thing you were rambling because otherwise, I'd have been too late.

"Hermione."

"...and you know, I had been living my life just wonderfully and then the bloody Ministry had to go and..."

"Hermione."

"...it was bad enough that I had to go buy new dress robes, but I knew you were going to be there and we hadn't seen each other...."

"HERMIONE!"

"...and it was incredibly awkward, wasn't it? But i knew it would be. I just wish I had some news that you and Ginny were married so I didn't look like such an idiot..."

You weren't listening to me. I doubted that you could even hear me, so I did the only thing I could think of.

I kissed you again. This time, it was short, barely a peck, just to get you to quiet a bit so I could explain to you everything that you had missed. I couldn't have you in full blown snog if you felt guilty about me cheating on a wife I didn't have. It worked. It shut you right up. I took my chance.

"Mione, I need you to listen to me. We haven't talked in three years. Now it's not for my lack of trying, but if I had gotten married, I would have sent you an owl and I'm pretty sure that you still would have made it. Well, look at my left hand. See? No ring. I'm not married, not to Ginny, not to anyone."

Why is it that you are able to listen after I had just shut you up so nicely? Why is it that I had to take a breath?

"But you're going to marry her, aren't you? I mean, the baby. Anyone can tell that she's pregnant. And I can't believe you got her pregnant out of wedlock! What were you thinking? Didn't you do the charm? What did the Weasleys think? I'm sure any of her brothers would have been glad to hex you to the end of the planet, even if you had saved the wizarding world -"

Grabbing your shoulders seem to work as well in shutting you up.

"Mione, I am one of her brothers now. The baby is not mine. None of her children are mine, or will ever be mine. She's married now, and not to me."

I watched you digest this piece of information. I would have had to sit down, but you looked like you were simply....Hermione. Your eyes narrowed in concentration. You looked up at me after a minute, slowly.

"She was with you at the Ministry party. Why wasn't she with her husband? Who is her husband? Why didn't anyone tell me that she was married? I would have gone to her wedding in a second. And what do you mean, 'none of her children'? She has other children? Which child is this? Exactly how much has happened since I've been gone?"

Wow! The spew of questions was coming at me so quickly that I almost didn't have time to think of the answers to them all. But I knew that we couldn't talk about Malfoy in an open area, so I had to stop you. You had that glint in your eye, the one that you have when I rush off somewhere before telling you. The one that could turn any man to jelly. I braved it out.

"Err...we can't talk about that here. Remember the place where you loved to spend time when we were searching for the Horcruxes? Meet me there. And before we go there is something that I have to tell you."

Alcohol again? Or is it just that you're so lovely? I sucked in a breath. Breathe, Harry, breathe. Oh, these were going to be my last words. You were going to hate me after this. You were going to apparate away and I was never going to see you again. But I had to, because it seemed right that you should know.

"I love you."

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

The words reverberated in my head. I heard them over and over again. A million questions ran through my mind. Most of them went something like: You loved me? You loved me? You loved me? Those three words were all I could think about. I remembered nothing of our conversation. I forgot all of my questions about you and Ginny and Ginny's husband. Everything blew out of my mind. I don't even think I remembered my own name. In fact, I'm surprised I even remembered what I was thinking at the time. I'm sure I looked petrified. I was stunned, to say the least. To think I'd spent all this time running from you! I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I was literally speechless. It was then I heard it. A small POP. I turned and looked around. You were gone. You were gone and I hadn't had a chance to say anything to you! Tears began to well up in my eyes anew. Then I stopped. Granted, I was a bit more emotional than I usually was, but I still had my head. I went into what Ron sometimes refers to Super-Hermione mode, or the more traditional, "She's mental, that one". Once you were gone, everything flew back into my mind. Ginny. Ginny's husband. Ginny's husband that wasn't you. All my questions and your refusal to answer them. What exactly was it that you said?Â

"Err...we can't talk about that here. Remember the place where you loved to spend time when we were searching for the Horcruxes? Meet me there."

Oh, you did look cute when you were nervous. I'm sure I had a look on my face as I flung those questions at you. Now that I think about it, you weren't just nervous from me. You were looking around, as if making sure no one was around. What exactly was it that you couldn't tell anyone else? And why didn't you just name the place? Were you afraid that people might hear and go there to overhear our conversation? What could be so important?

I remembered the place perfectly. It was a little garden just down the street from my parent's house. You had it warded and cloaked just for me, so that the only people allowed in were you, Ron, and me. I loved it, perhaps more than I loved the library because it was the one place where I could sit, and pretend everything was all right for awhile. I could read without feeling like I might have missed a vital piece of information. No one even knew about this place. I guess any eavesdroppers would go straight to a library, knowing only Hermione Granger, bookworm.Â

I raised my wand and apparated to a place about two blocks away from the garden. I needed to walk. I needed to think. I had stopped thinking the moment my lips touched yours. It was perfect, far more perfect than I could have imagined. Without realizing it, my fingers tangled with your hair and you were pulling me closer. I was drowning in bliss when your tongue touched my lips and brought consciousness back to me. All I could think about was how I just forced you to betray your wife. You were looking at me as if trying to read my mind. I desperately choked out a word.

"Ginny."

You blanked. I could see that that was not what you expected me to say. You weren't even thinking about her. You had forgotten about her. I could feel the tears in my eyes. What had I done?

"Ginny?"

The tears were released with that one word. You didn't even realize the repercussions of what we had just done. I began to ramble. I don't even truly remember what I was saying. I was looking at my shoes, pouring out all my thoughts. I probably said something about ruining your life and ruining my life and how I was better off just staying away. That's what I was thinking, anyhow. I wish I had the courage to look into your eyes at that moment. What would I have found there? I planned to never look into your eyes again, because apparating away after my speech was the best plan I had come up with all day. Except somehow, I couldn't stop talking and crying long enough to see that you were trying to get my attention. The kiss stopped me in my tracks. The lightest brush of your lips against mine was enough to stop all coherent thought. Well, at least for that moment at least.

Questions began to form in my mind immediately after you pulled away. Ginny? What about her? What were you doing? When you began talking, new questions began to form in my mind.

"Mione, I need you to listen to me. We haven't talked in three years. Now it's not for my lack of trying, but if I had gotten married, I would have sent you an owl and I'm pretty sure that you still would have made it. Well, look at my left hand. See? No ring. I'm not married, not to Ginny, not to anyone."

Not married? But she was pregnant! I could see it so clearly! Obviously they were going to get married, soon. And my kissing him was going to make everything more complicated. And when had Harry become so irresponsible anyhow? Surely, if he didn't know the charm, there were muggle ways of preventing pregnancy. The Weasley brothers would have made mincemeat out of him by now if they found out. I must have been voicing all these concerns, because the next thing I knew, your hands were on my shoulders, robbing me of speech and you were saying:

"Mione, I am one of her brothers now. The baby is not mine. None of her children are mine, or will ever be mine. She's married now, and not to me."

Well that just brought up more questions. I seriously needed to sit down. This was worse than digesting something nasty Snape had said. I needed to concentrate. I could feel your eyes on me as I filed each bit of information you just said into manageable bits. You had a lot to answer for, Harry Potter. I looked up, into your eyes, organized my thoughts, and began to speak, slowly at first, then firing questions like there was no tomorrow. I must have had a crazy look in my eyes because you were looking a little nervous at that time.

"She was with you at the Ministry party. Why wasn't she with her husband? Who is her husband? Why didn't anyone tell me that she was married? I would have gone to her wedding in a second. And what do you mean, 'none of her children'? She has other children? Which child is this? Exactly how much has happened since I've been gone?"

Now, I know that the fact that I had been gone was my fault. I hadn't even conversed with Ron for some time after he wed Luna until he told me that he and Luna were expecting, but I figured, if there was a wedding, I would have at least been invited. And how many children has she had? Questions were popping into my head right and left and I couldn't dodge them all. Then you said your three little words. And of course, I lost thought again. Damn you, Harry Potter.

Well, I've arrived. The gate was just in front of me. Only I could see it. Anyone else would simply think that I was going turning into an empty lot, and would be extremely surprised to see that a few seconds, I would disappear. I hesitated at the gate, I admit. I didn't know what I was going to say to you when I saw you. Of course, I could probably go on another ramble and spit all those questions at you again. A deep breath. I walked through the gate.

You were there, waiting for me, your hands in your pockets, looking extremely nervous, as if I was going to hex you into the next century. My heart melted. How could it not? I walked straight up to you, fully intending to tell you now much I loved you and how I wanted to be with you. However, my brain, riddled with unanswered questions decided to have a go before my heart could do anything with you.

"Talk."

"I love you."

You stopped talking. I was half sure that you stopped thinking, but then I remembered that you were Hermione, and that you never stopped thinking. You looked absolutely petrified, though. I wasn't sure exactly what was going through your mind at the time, but I must have done something wrong, because you didn't even react to the prophecy this way. I waited there for what seemed like an eternity. You didn't speak. You didn't move. I decided to give you a little space and go on to the garden without you. Hopefully, you would take out all your anger here and have none left for me. I probably should have said something, but all bravery left me at that moment. The apparating "pop" was probably the softest I've ever done.

I stayed in the garden, just thinking, wondering what you did when you found me gone. I was thinking about how I would lose you, all of you. Your friendship, your companionship, any platonic love you ever had for me. I was deathly worried. I knew I had made a big mistake doing that. Perhaps I should just correct myself the next time I saw you. Say something along the lines of the fact that I missed you so much that I wanted you to know...Oh that sounds bad even to me. What was I supposed to do? I do love you after all. Then the gate opened.

You stepped into the garden. You looked towards me. Your eyes softened considerably. As you walked to me, I felt more nervous than getting on the Hogwarts Express in first year. This could make or break my life. You said one word.

"Talk."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. What was I supposed to say? Where was I supposed to start? It was as if you read my mind. You led me over to a bench and sat me down.Â

"Start at the beginning, Harry. I want to know what happened after I left. I know, on that night, the night of the celebration, I..er..I saw you kissing Ginny. What happened between the two of you?"

"That night...well...that night...she kissed me. And with the war being over and everything, I kissed her back. It felt good, knowing that there was someone there for me, that she, you know, didn't hate me for having to be a murderer. And when it was over, I turned around and I saw Ron looking extremely angry. I was about to go over there and see what the matter was but Luna beat me and whispered something in his ear. He turned red. He still looked a bit angry, but he seemed less likely to kill someone, so I left him there. I looked for you, but I couldn't find you anywhere. And the next thing I know, Ginny was kissing me again, and there were people wanting my autograph and shaking my hand. I figured I'd find you after everything had settled down. But nothing really settled down. That was the last time I really ever saw you, I guess. I didn't realize it until I had gotten my job at the Ministry and you didn't come celebrate with us. Well, actually, I didn't fully realize it until I found out that you had gotten a job at the Ministry as well. I went looking for you. A lot. I sent you dozens of owls. And every time, you weren't there. Eventually, I went looking for you at Ron's. You know how he got drafted to the Canons almost immediately after the war, and neither of us saw much of him. Well, I found Luna there, and that's how I found out that you had broken up with him. I was stunned, Hermione. My two best friends broken up and I didn't know about it until months afterwards! I was torn. Hedwig seemed to find you just fine, still, seeing as how she came back empty-taloned every time. But you never wrote back. I never knew exactly where you lived. Eventually, I just stopped sending the letters. A while after that, Ginny and I ..err....well, you see that is....we...ugh....realized our differences and...err....broke up."

I began stammering at this point. Until just then, I was on a roll. I was mindlessly spitting out all my feelings. I was able to look into your eyes. Now, seeing them so piercing, so warm, so full of feeling, so full of sorrow, I couldn't bear to look into them anymore. A tear made its way down the side of my face. Your eyes went from sorrow to sorry in an instant.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I know how you must miss Ginny. And I wasn't there for you. I feel absolutely horrible. I mean, it must have been horrible for you, being with her for so long. I can certainly understand your longing for her still..."

I let you ramble on a bit, while staring at you incredulously. How could you be so smart, yet so thick? Didn't I just tell you that I love you? And yet, you still thought I had feelings for Ginny?

"Hermione. Stop. I don't think you understand. The differences that we realized, you see. She realized that she loved Malfoy, ahhh no. Draco. She realized that she loved Draco. And I...well...I realized that I didn't love her."

"But Harry....wait....did you say Malfoy?"

Your eyes narrowed in distrust. It was one of the scariest things I've ever seen.

"How could she trust Malfoy, much lest love him? What about her family? This is worse than you getting her pregnant! He is on the dark side. He was charged to kill Dumbledore!"

"But he didn't. I'm not exactly sure what happened between them - him and GInny, I mean. She wouldn't tell me. Said I would understand later, but I never did understand. All I know is that Malfoy turns up one day and decides to help us catch the remaining Death Eaters and someone in the bureaucracy decided that I was the best one to take care of him. He's saved my life countless numbers of times, Hermione. He's saved the Weasleys a bunch. And even though you don't know it, he's...err...saved you-"

"He WHAT?"

I took a breath. You would not hex me. Not yet. Not until I told you everything. I was safe for the moment. But even then, as I remembered what happened that night, how you were almost taken from me, my heart gave a jump. That feeling was the worst I've ever felt, even worse than fifth year, when you were hexed and I thought you were dead.

"It was about a year ago. He found some information - a list - that had your name on it. Everyone on the list was Muggleborn. They were going to kill them, one at a time. I scanned the list. I was stunned. I was outraged. Then I saw your name. Everything I saw was red and I was going to kill them all. I almost lost my head. Why should you have to die when you're the most wonderful witch in our lifetime? I couldn't take it. The only thing that brought me back to reality was Malfoy. I remember the words he said like it was yesterday. He said: 'I didn't join you to put up with this. You're acting like a disgrace.' I screamed at him. It was absolutely terrifying, even for me. I've never screamed like that to anyone in my life. I told him how he couldn't understand because he was a Malfoy, and even though he joined me, I would never trust him. He just looked me in the eye with his bloody coolness and said, 'You want to save her, don't you? The bookworm? Then get your bloody head together!' I didn't get my head together. I couldn't. You know me well enough I guess. I yelled some more, broke a...few things. Then he said, rather sadly, 'You love her, don't you?' And it stopped me right in my tracks. I know now that he was sad because he loved Ginny and he thought that Ginny loved me and he thought I would break her heart. But right then, all I could think of was that I had to save you, and if I was going to, then I would have to get myself together. And then, we found the guy. I began seeing red again, and I would have killed him, but Malfoy stunned me, then stunned him, and brought him in. He was sent to Azkaban. I would have been too, but Malfoy saved me yet again. That moment, when he saved you and when he saved me, he earned my trust. Then, because of that, he got on some sort of Death Eater revenge list and couldn't go out without getting hexed. He almost lost his life, so we decided to put him underground. That's when something happened between him and Ginny. They got married in secret. We couldn't owl it to anyone for fear that someone would intercept the owl and use Ginny against him. So you see? I couldn't tell you. I wanted to, at the party, but you were gone."

I said this while looking at the ground, and as I looked up, I could see you crying. I inched my way towards you and tried to brush them from your cheeks. You put a hand on my cheek as well, and I guess I must have been crying too, because your fingers came back wet.

"I'm sorry. It must have been hard for you to let her go."

I must have smiled at that.

"No. Not her. I didn't have a hard time letting go of her. It was rather, my best friend, who I had just realized I had been in love with for...forever, that I couldn't come in contact with, that I had a hard time letting go of. And ugh...no, I'm not talking about Ron."

Tears were in your eyes again. I could see them, despite the ones in mine.

"Oh, Harry."

The best words of the night. Because the next thing I knew, you were in my arms, hugging the stuffing out of me. That is of course, assuming that I had stuffing, which I didn't but it didn't matter because my vision was obscured just the way I liked it. With your hair. And your arms were around my neck cutting off my oxygen supply, but I didn't care, because it just felt right. I wanted to hold on for eternity. Eventually, I had to stop because you were crying and mumbling something unintelligible. I pulled you away.

"Oh, Harry, I've been so stupid. I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I should never have left. I was a selfish idiot. I just...I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

It was then I remembered that my whole goal for the night was to figure out why she left in the first place, why she would not give me a chance.

"Hermione. Mione?"

I gently stroked your tears away, the most natural thing in the world. Even though I was horribly hurt at your leaving me to fend for myself for three years, I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I seemed to be on a roll in making you cry these days.Â

"Mione? I just want to know why you left. That's all. I...missed you, you know. I missed you more than you can ever imagine. Seven years, and then...nothing. Did I do something wrong? I know you broke up with Ron, but I never really found out why. You were so happy together. Our friendship was supposed to last through him, anyhow. We've been through so much, you know, I just thought-"

"Harry, you daft git."

Well, I knew I was daft, and occasionally a git, but was there something I was missing?

"Harry, before I tell you everything, you must know why. I left because...I love you."

A/N: Well, one more chapter, everyone. Thanks so much to those who reviewed. It's nice to be appreciated, to wake up in the morning and see that someone read what I wrote. Have no doubt that my writing was somewhat influenced by your thoughts. I'm writing my thanks here because I don't want to in the last chapter, have it end sort of dramatically, you know? Just know, I don't think I'm going to end it with a BANG. Think about that. ;D

"Talk"

And you did. Well, no, you didn't. Not at the beginning. I know I was being direct, but my head would not stop to let my heart tell you that I loved you more than anything you could ever imagine. I prompted you, dreading what you were going to say.Â

"Start at the beginning, Harry. I want to know what happened after I left. I know, on that night, the night of the celebration, I..er..I saw you kissing Ginny. What happened between the two of you?"

It wasn't that I really wanted to know. I just wanted to know why. You told me about Ron and Luna, and how you tried to find me afterwards and I couldn't look into your eyes because it was really all my fault. I couldn't express to you how much I wanted to answer your letters, how much I waited for them, but I had to stop myself because I couldn't see you again without...

"...A while after that, Ginny and I ..err....well, you see that is....we...ugh....realized our differences and...err....broke up."

You began to stammer and I looked up, but you looked away. A tear made it's way down your cheek. My heart fell. You still loved Ginny. Even though you kissed me, even though you told me you loved me, you weren't in love with me. You were in love with her. It was a good thing I had a level head, but even my head knew that the only way I could be happy is if you weren't sad.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I know how you must miss Ginny. And I wasn't there for you. I feel absolutely horrible. I mean, it must have been horrible for you, being with her for so long. I can certainly understand your longing for her still. She's a beautiful, free-spirited woman. And now, with a husband, and how many children? It must have taken a lot for you to go with her to the Ministry party..."

Why couldn't I stop talking? I didn't want you to be even more in love with her, even more sad. You were looking at me with an expression that said I was totally wrong, but I couldn't accept that. I knew that I was right. All the signs were there.Â

"Hermione. Stop. I don't think you understand. The differences that we realized, you see. She realized that she loved Malfoy, ahhh no. Draco. She realized that she loved Draco. And I...well...I realized that I didn't love her."

"But Harry....wait....did you say Malfoy?"

Malfoy? What? WHAT? She left him for MALFOY? That ferret? He just as well as killed Dumbledore. He's a bad peson! How...what.....why.....that's lunacy! (No offense to Luna, of course.) She couldn't...I wouldn't accept it.

"How could she trust Malfoy, much lest love him? What about her family? This is worse than you getting her pregnant! He is on the dark side. He was charged to kill Dumbledore!"

I listened to your explanation, and I kept shaking my head. So what if he saved your life? He could still be pretending. He could be hurting Ginny as we speak! He could be abusing their babies! I mean, Snape was pretending. Wormtail was pretending. Malfoy's a hell of a lot worse than them.Â

"...He's saved my life countless numbers of times, Hermione. He's saved the Weasleys a bunch. And even though you don't know it, he's...err...saved you-"

"He WHAT?"

No! That can't be. I've never been in danger! I've made sure of that! I've never walked in dark alleys at night. I've warded my flat against everyone. I've kept away from virtually everyone. I haven't even seen Malfoy since Hogwarts. No one wants to kill me anymore since they know my proximity to you has gone way way down. I AM NOT A TARGET! Why would you tell me this? Why are you trying to make me trust Malfoy? Are you really even Harry? I edged away from you as I listened to your story. Then I saw the tears running down your cheeks, bright in the moonlit night. When you got to: "You love her, don't you?" I began to cry, because you were so Harry, and so forgiving, even though you hated the bastard to bits. You listened to him for me. Even if you didn't love me like you love her, it was enough that you did that for me.Â

You came towards me and brushed my tears away. Your breath on my wet face made me shiver a little, because you were so close. I reached up and wiped the tears from your face as well. You seemed surprised that my fingers were wet.

"I'm sorry. It must have been hard for you to let her go."

You smiled. It was amusement, not bitterness. It confused me. You were in love with her. How could you smile at a time like this?

"No. Not her. I didn't have a hard time letting go of her. It was rather, my best friend, who I had just realized I had been in love with for...forever, that I couldn't come in contact with, that I had a hard time letting go of. And ugh...no, I'm not talking about Ron."

I...you...me....really? I can't believe I didn't realize it. I had been wrong. You weren't in love with Ginny after all. I...launched myself into your arms.

"Oh, Harry!"

I was an idiot. I was a stupid idiot. I held on for dear life wondering how it was that I could be so stupid. You stroked my hair and let me cry. How was it that I could get someone as good as you, someone as wonderfully understanding? But I knew in the back of my mind that you were confused, that you didn't understand, because if you had, we would be on our way to planning a wedding right now.Â

"Hermione. Mione?"

The touch of your fingers, the slightest brush was enough to send euphoria through me, especially because I knew you loved me now. You looked beautiful just then. Now, I understand that it's not a particularly manly thing to be called, but to me, you were beautiful because you were so caring. Your eyes told me that you wanted to make everything better, but you couldn't without knowing the truth, I suppose.

"Mione? I just want to know why you left. That's all. I...missed you, you know. I missed you more than you can ever imagine. Seven years, and then...nothing. Did I do something wrong? I know you broke up with Ron, but I never really found out why. You were so happy together. Our friendship was supposed to last through him, anyhow. We've been through so much, you know, I just thought-"

"Harry, you daft git."

You were cute confused. My head was finished. My heart took over. It was a beautiful thing when my heart finally took over because I was able to say what I had wanted to for so long, for longer than three years.

"Harry, before I tell you everything, you must know why. I left because...I love you."

You looked shocked. Were you supposed to? I'm not entirely sure, but I know that you didn't expect that. How to explain this?

"It started before we had finished finding the Horcruxes. We were growing closer, all of us, and I realized that I loved Ron. Oh, not like that, Harry. I loved him as a brother. I was going to pull away because every time we kissed, I felt just a bit repulsed. But I couldn't do that to you. If Ron and I broke up, there would be tension, and that would affect you more than ever. We might have failed. Voldermort might have won. You....you might have died. And besides, Ron and I didn't have much time to kiss anyways. We agreed that it would be all about you, at least until the war ended. Well, it did. And you were victorious. It was a wonderful day, even though you had fainted from blood loss, Ron's shoulder had nearly been sliced off, and a couple of my bones were broken. That's not all that was broken, however. That night, the night of the party, Ron and I broke. He proposed to me, said this way, we could have a fresh start, that we were meant to be together. No matter how I wanted to say yes, I found I couldn't because my mind, no my heart, wouldn't allow me to. You wouldn't allow me to. He was in a right state, storming off. I went looking for you. I saw Ginny kiss you. I saw you kiss her back. My heart broke. You see, Harry, those days, searching for Horcruxes, I found that not only had I fallen out of love with Ron, I had fallen in love with you. And now, you didn't need me anymore. I vowed that night to fall out of love with you. I couldn't if I kept seeing you, so I retired from the wizarding world. I got a flat cheap, in a Muggle neighborhood and warded it against everyone. I didn't allow myself to become too close with anyone, but soon my savings began to run out. Because I had no formal Muggle schooling, getting a job that I could possibly like was almost impossible. No question, I tried, but the most I could do was make ends meet. I was unhappy because in shutting you out, I had shut magic out as well, and it was such a big part of my life, Harry! It was who I was. I went to the Ministry, looking for a low-profile job that I could do. Instead, I found Mr. Weasley, Minister of Magic. He disapproved of my actions greatly, but was thrilled that I had come back. He promised to keep me out of sight, and I could do what I had always wanted: research. The knowledge that I accumulated in this time was staggering. I developed new cures, new theories, new charms. It was the most wonderful job I could ever have. I was even almost forgetting about you."

"Why hadn't I heard about these new developments, then? You could have written to me! I know you don't have an owl, but my letters, Hermione? Didn't you get my letters? I wanted to see you! I -"

"I won't lie. I did get your letters. You seemed happy. Your job seemed dangerous, but you've gotten out of dangerous situations before. You seemed like you had finally gotten what you deserved with Ginny. So, because you were happy, I was content. Any more contact than that and I would have been flung into an abyss so deep that I would have never been able to get out of it."

"Why? Is seeing me that horrible to you? Is writing to me?"

"No, no. You see, every time I saw you, I would have remembered that I loved you. And you didn't love me. I was a coward, you see, because I was scared that I would do something to compromise our friendship and your relationship with Ginny. If I lost your friendship, I would die. So I decided that I would preserve your friendship in memory. This way, it would always be to me, perfect. You see, I was always, always yours. And I couldn't take it that you were never mine."

Tears, so many tears. I was drowning, but your lips pulled me back. Your passion swirled through me. It was all I needed. Our tongues tangled with increasing heat. Your hands, everywhere. Your essence, everywhere. Your love, everywhere. You burned everything you touched. Your fire gave me what I needed to breathe. If I died right now, I would have only regretted the years we spent apart.

"I love you."

Your voice, rich with...something. Your eyes, the brightest, deepest green I've ever seen them. Your tongue, doing something delightful on the side of my neck.

"Harry." I was panting. "Tell me this isn't a dream."

"Hermione." You smiled against my skin. "Tell me. Does this feel like a dream?"

Well, none of my dreams involved this many tears. And fire. And gongs. Gongs? The church bells rang, bringing us both back to reality, delightfully disheveled. Bong Bong Bong Bong Bong Bong Bong Bong Bong. Nine times. Nine hours. Nine healers.

"Harry! We have to get back to the party. The healers! Oh....I knew this wasn't a good idea. I mean, you were almost drunk out of your mind. Oh! And James! We just...I just...."

I was expecting you to get angry, but you just smiled. Well, grinned actually.

"Harry?"

"Oh, nothing. I just can't wait to see the look on that prat's face when I come walking in with his date hours after I waltzed her away."

"Harry..."

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding! Well...not completely..."

"Harry!"

"All right, all right. Let's go. Charm yourself and let's go."

You grinned again. I could watch you smile for all eternity.

"Wait. Harry, what does this mean for us? I mean.."Â I cleared my throat and proceeded with my best imitation of my father. "What are you intentions towards me, Mr. Potter?"

"Well, Miss Granger, I intend that someday, you forgo your maiden name and...err...perhaps...take mine?"

"Really?"

"Yeah..well...something you didn't know...when you said I was never yours? You were wrong. I was always yours, throughout all that stuff in school and afterwards and everything. And...well...I'm starting to get red, so we'd better go. I'd love to finally be able to show you off."

I rolled my eyes at your "macho" display, and smiled.

"Well then, let's get going. I have to break it to a poor boy that I belong to the savior of the wizarding world."

"Forget 'savior of the wizarding world'. Call me Harry. And tell him not to call me Mr. Potter again. It makes me sound old."

You puffed out your chest and I laughed. I haven't done that in a long time.

"Let's go, Harry."

I was set to go when you pulled me back.

"In all seriousness, Hermione, I love you. Always."

"I love you too, Harry. Forever."

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