Straitjacket Feeling

Back me down from backing up

Hold your breath now it's stacking up

Etched with marks, but I can deal

And you're the problem and you can't feel

Try this on, straitjacket feeling

so maybe I won't be alone

Take back now, my life you're stealing

Straitjacket. That's what this love feels like. It turns me inside out and flips me over until everything is completely displaced. My world turns upside down and at times I can hardly breathe. The thought of life without you makes me breathless. I'm enclosed on all sides, bound by leather straps that hold me in.

Yesterday was over

Today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me again

I had a plan for my life and you weren't in it. I was to be a career woman. Perhaps an educator or intelligence for the Ministry. I didn't want a family, or a husband. I did not want love. Then that day happened and everything went to hell.

Trust you is just one defense

off a list of others, you don't make sense

Beg me time and time again

to take you back now, but you can't win

Take back now, my life you're stealing

You said trust you that this was right. I did. And you rekindled a part of me that I never used: my heart. I was all brains and a heart cold as ice. Love was a pesky annoyance to my daily routine. And it was unpredictable. And I wasn't. You begged me to feel with my heart, not think with my brain. And I did. And you stole it.

Yesterday was over

Today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me again

but today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all the things you put me through

I'm holding on by letting go of you

You stole my heart in a way that I can hardly describe. It wasn't what you showed me on the outside, but what you showed me within. I waited, fervently patient, for the day when you would show me your true self. That day changed my life. Both our lives. We made love that day and then I woke to find my life in disarray.

And when the memory slips away

There will be a better view from here

And only lonesome you remains

and just the thought of you I fear

it falls away

You didn't take my virginity, I gave it to you. I gave everything to you. My body, my heart, my soul, and my impenetrably guarded mind. They were yours for as long as you would have them. And have them you did. I once feared that I would lose you too soon. I wish for once that I had been wrong.

Yesterday was over

Today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all I ever thought you'd be

That face is tearing holes in me again

but today I'm fine without you

Runaway this time without you

And all the things you put me through

I'm holding on by letting go of you

This love is like a straitjacket because even though you have gone, my love for you has not. I fear that I will remain here to rot or simply waste away. I am nothing without you. A part of my being died with you and I can only pray that it will soon be my turn.

AN: I'm working on Chapter 4 of HPBM but these damn plot bunnies keep getting me. The Lyrics are “Straitjacket Feeling” by All-American Rejects. I love this song and I hope you enjoyed the bunny turd.

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