Seduction Secrets

*Seduction Secrets*

James Harold Potter – Only son of Lord Harold Francis Potter and Lady Victoria Marie Potter. Resident ladies man at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardary. He withholds a popular and sought after reputation as the most eligible and most desired bachelor at Hogwarts. He is ringleader of the most popular and envied foursome ever to reside within Hogwarts’ walls – The Marauders: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. Outside of school he holds the same sort of reputation, only it is kept clear from his wealthy parent’s ears as he is currently only 16 years old. He enjoys his time with friends and family at his grand family retreat: Godric Lagoon Manor.

Lily Elizabeth Evans – Youngest daughter of Lord Richard William Evans and Lady Elizabeth Dian Evans. The most sought after girl attending Hogwarts, but remains an untainted virgin of beauty. Quiet, calm and collected, Lily Evans has the reputation of never having a boyfriend despite her evident potential to have virtually any boy she desires. She stays clear of becoming too wrapped up in a member of the opposite sex, as she firmly believes that the act of love should only occur when both parties involved are actually in love. Leads the same home lifestyle as James Potter – minus the obvious – and enjoys her precious time spent with family at her parent’s country home: Orchard Bloom Manor.

Summary – James Potter has had his eyes set upon the ‘gorgeous, yet fiery, red head’, Lily Evans for quite a while and has been bidding his time until he makes his move. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew believe that James has finally met his downfall with this girl, and insist that even with his ‘talent’, he could never in a million years get Lily Evans to sleep with him. However, James is adamant that, although it may be a slight challenge, he could tempt the lovely Lily into his four poster bed easily. Deciding to play James at his own vain game, Sirius, Remus and Peter offer James a little wager: he has to persuade Lily Evans, the most beautiful but virtuous girl in Hogwarts, to sleep with him by the end of their seventh year, otherwise he must swear upon the contents of his vault that he’ll never sleep with another girl until his post-nuptial hour; if he succeeds, however, they must never doubt his ‘incomparable flair at getting any girl he wants’ – as insisted upon by the typical James Potter.

A tale of love, hate, lies, deception, pleasure and attraction – these are: Seduction Secrets

Swimming Pool Playtime

Seduction; the transparent persuasive technique used to manipulate and entice another into acting upon something they would not partake in otherwise. To seduce a fellow human being, by some, is considered a form of mind intrusion; an invasion of the psyche as to soften and weaken the victims mind, causing them to indulge in things upon false pretences. To others, however, it is thought of as a gift and an art form, in which at least a minimal level of lust is shared between both parties: the predator and its prey.

The art of seduction is fragile; it is hollow and it is translucent to those who find themselves unperturbed by feeble hormonal-driven exploits. These victims, whom seem resolute to ignoring such flagrant passes and endeavours offered by the ‘hunter’, remain the ones who are recognised as strong and unyielding when interferences clash with their own morals and beliefs.

One boy knew that these types of people were rare, especially when someone like him was around with his dazzling charm. Yet, being the slightly naïve person he always was, he couldn’t help but not understand how a certain fiery red-head girl could be so immune to his ‘charismatic magnetism’.

This girl was to soon become an even bigger part of his life, and it all started one hot summer afternoon as four boys lazed around outside by an enormous Aztec style swimming pool, all bathing in the cool shade of a large palm tree.

“So, what are we going to do today apart from remain un-tanned under this tree?” asked a topless, well built boy with dark wavy hair and dreamy, sparkling silvery grey eyes. Beside him lay another bare chest, slightly tanned and firmly toned bodied boy. This bespectacled boy’s glasses further enhanced his gorgeous, deep, chocolate-brown eyes and made his handsomely chiselled features stand out more thanks to his attention-seeking eyes.

“Well, either we lay here and stay cool…or we dunk Wormtail into the pool…he’s asleep, we could just levitate him…” began James Potter as he had turned on his side and was now facing Sirius Black, his best friend. Another boy with sandy coloured hair, shinning blue eyes, broad tanned shoulders and wearing a bright yellow t-shirt sat up suddenly and glanced over at James and Sirius planning poor Peter Pettigrew’s ‘accidental mishap’ and frowned.

“What are you two going to do to little sleeping Peter this time?” he enquired staring at the boys intently, though from the tone of his voice, his choice of patronising words and the slight grin playing on his lips, it was obvious to see he wasn’t overly bothered. James looked at him and smiled mischievously, then gestured to him to come closer.

“Sirius and I want to give Peter a little wake up call…in the pool,” he said quietly and peeked over at Peter Pettigrew, a small, stumpy, mousy haired boy with two large front teeth and tiny watery eyes. He also wore a t-shirt, depicting a large quantity of Swiss cheese and a mouse crawling out of one of its many holes. “So you want to help?” he asked Remus Lupin as Remus brushed his hair away from his face and rolled his eyes.

“No, you’re all right…I’ll miss this one out,” he sighed and lay back down. He reached over the edge of the sun bed and picked up a book entitled, ‘What Wary Werewolves Wear’ by Lunica Lupus, turned to a bookmarked page and began reading. James and Sirius raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, and then seemingly came to a mutual agreement.

“Fair enough, Moony, have it your way…” Sirius said smirking. He and James rose from their sun beds and got out their wands from their shorts pockets. Creeping over to Peter’s rest place, they both pointed their wands at him simultaneously. It was only Sirius, however, who spoke the incantation to levitate Peter without him realising.

Remus, not being all that stupid, quickly glanced up to find James standing with his wand pointed directly at him with an evil glint in his eyes. Remus’ eyes went wide and he made to get away but James was too quick.

“Wingardium Leviosa,” he said in a bored tone and gave a fake yawn. Remus yelped and started yelling at James to put him down, but this only made James laugh loudly at the frantically struggling Remus Lupin before him as Sirius carefully floated a still sleeping Peter over to the waters edge and over the middle of the pool. Remus had stopped screaming demands to be let down at James, but was still shooting insults and threats at him in low tones as he was slowly moved over to where Peter was, over the glistening, cool water.

“Prongs, I swear I’ll rip your bloody antlers off of your stupid head and lodge them where the sun doesn’t shine if you drop me into that-” he warned James, though he looked a little amused all the same. After all, it was all in good fun.

“Oh, Moony my dear old friend, you brought this upon yourself…if you won’t be part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem,” James said in an, ‘it’s the only way’ tone. Remus’ eyes widened at James’ attempted reconciliation.

“Solution?! What bloody solution? Dropping a sleeping human rat into a pool of water is a solution now?” he asked incredulously. James stopped moving Remus now, as he was already above the middle of the pool and put on a serious thinking expression, then looked at Sirius who was waiting for the go ahead. Sirius just shrugged, looking nonchalant and James looked back at Remus.

“Yes.” He said simply and smiled, and then both he and Sirius whipped their wands away so that the connection with the spell was broken.

Peter and Remus both fell in unison into the cool water that felt like ice on a hot summer’s day. As they hit the water Peter gave an almighty mousey squeal – funnily enough – and started splashing around in the water. Remus, on the other hand, just allowed himself to go under and resurface again; all the while his eyes narrowed at the two boys who stood at the edge of the pool laughing gleefully and – what one could only imagine by the way they were gripping their sides, their eyes watering – painfully.

“Oh – oh God…that was classic…the look on your face W-Wormtail!” cried James, a face of utter amusement. Once Peter had finished splashing about, he came to a halt and saw the two culprits who had disturbed his heavenly dream that involved he, in rat form, tangoing with Professor McGonagall, the infamous ‘no-nonsense’ teacher at Hogwarts, who scared the living daylights out of anyone that received one of her piercing, speak out of term one more time and you’ll wish mummy and daddy had taken more care when indulging in drunken fornication’ glares.

Glaring with his small watery eyes, narrowed to look even more miniscule than usual, he screamed out to the boys laughing uncontrollably.

“What the hell was that for!” he cried shrilly. James looked at the drenched Peter and announced happily.

“Oh come on Petey, don’t get over-dramatic now-” he sniggered as Sirius cut in.

“Yeah, Pete, let’s not get too ratty now.” Sirius hollered, and both he and James burst out into heavier spouts of laughter.

As he and James rolled about the floor laughing, Remus withdrew his wand from the joggers he had on and whistled to Peter. When Peter turned his attention to Remus, Remus indicated that he should do the same and then glanced pointedly at James and Sirius. Peter gave a look of understanding and pulled out his wand.

They aimed their wands at the two boys and incanted the levitating spell. Both James and Sirius, holding their sides still, eyes scrunched up from the apparent hilarity of the situation, neither noticed that they had left the ground, nor did they realise that they were hovering six feet above the water. With the element of surprise achieved, they glanced at each other and nodded.

Time for a little payback…

“Ahhh!” screamed James and Sirius as they collided with the mellow waters surface and became engulfed in a wave of, what felt like, icy cold water. As they resurfaced, both gasping in shock and the sudden bitter lack of oxygen they had just so rightly received, they looked at one another, mouths wide open. They turned their heads rapidly to see Remus and Peter laughing hysterically.

“And WHY in God’s green fuckin’ earth would you do that!?” Sirius yelled in indignant incredulity, his hair dripping wet over his attractive facial features. Remus stopped laughing and grinned back at Sirius and James.

“Well, we figured, that since you couldn’t be part of our solution, you were part of the problem…” he chortled and Peter just snorted loudly. “Terribly sorry lads, but you left us no choice – ‘what has been dealt unlawfully unto others, should be dealt just as so unto the dealer’, my friends.” he spoke wisely, trying to act serious, but failing miserably as another bout of laughter swept over him.

Shaking their heads in disbelief, James and Sirius charged – correction; waded as fast as they could – at Remus and Peter then began dunking their heads under the water.

For a total of half an hour the four Marauders fought tirelessly: splashing, dunking and lifting one another out of the water, and then throwing the victim as far as they could. Peter, naturally, could barely lift either of the ten/eleven stone teenagers, and consequently became the prime target for everyone else.

It wasn’t until a woman wearing an orange silk gown, a sombrero hat perched at an angle upon her head and dark sunglass’s covering her eyes came sauntering out of a pair of large oak doors and down three flights of polished marble steps that were attached to an enormous country manor house, did they finally have to call a truce.

“Boys! I want you to be out of the swimming pool, dried off, showered, dressed up in your best formal clothes and have your teeth cleaned so that they out-shine the sun in thirty minutes!” she called hurriedly. The boys all turned to look at the pretty woman before them and smiled.

“Mother, how wonderful it is to see you again!” exclaimed James happily as they all paddled their way to the edge of the pool and climbed out. Victoria Marie Potter rolled her eyes and smiled at the four drenched boys.

“James dear, what have I told you about starting water fights with our guests?” she asked in a mock stern tone.

James just raised his eyebrow and said, “Mum, I would hardly consider them to be guests…they never leave the grounds.”

Victoria opened her mouth to reply but was cut off as a tall, clean cut, prim and shaven man, wearing a light dinner suit, stepped up by her side and smiled at the boys.

“I would have to agree with that, dear,” he said to his wife and kissed her cheek, then turned to the three ‘guests’. “Are you ever going to give us any peace and quiet for once?” he asked in the same mock tone of strictness his wife had used. Sirius, Remus and Peter all glanced at each other, and then turned to face Harold Francis Potter, all grinning stubbornly.

“Not very likely,” said Sirius.

“No, sorry,” sighed Remus.

“What they said,” piped up Peter.

Harold Potter just smiled brightly and shook his head. “Well, that’s all right then!” he said merrily.

“Right, boys, you really must be getting ready,” perked up Victoria. She turned to her husband, laid a hand on his arm and spoke slowly and as though she was talking to a two year old. “Harold, do be a dear and stop delaying the child- I mean, the lads.” She added hastily at the look she received from James and Sirius.

“Oh, that was a close one Mummy P,” cringed Sirius and she just rolled her eyes.

“Be quiet Sirius, sweetheart,” she cooed and tapped him on the head in a somewhat patronising manner. “Now, go on you four; go and get washed and changed…we have guests arriving in an hour,” she said linking arms with Harold and turning around, leading him back up to the house.

James and Sirius, looking perplexed at the sudden news of guests, both rushed to find out who it was that they were having over.

“Why? Who is it that’s coming?” called James.

“Do we know them? Have they got a cute daugh-?” Sirius began but Remus elbowed him painfully in the ribs. “Ouch! That bloody hurt!” he protested.

“Good,” snapped Remus sharply, though he had a satisfied smile on his face.

Harold and Victoria came to a momentary halt at the top of the marble stairs and Victoria twisted her head to look at them.

“We told you the other day…well, in any case, as you seem to have forgotten-” she turned to face the great oak doors and motioned with her hands for them to open, “-our guests are Lord Richard and Lady Elizabeth Evans. Oh, and yes Sirius, they shall be bringing their daughter. You have one hour boys…better hurry up.” She said and with that the two parents strolled through the doors and out of sight.

Sirius stood quiet as though contemplating something as Remus grinned knowingly, Peter blinked stupidly completely indifferent to the situation and James stammered helplessly at the news of who their guests were.

Sirius turned to look at James.

“Wait, aren’t they-?”

“Lily’s parents, yes,” answered Remus smugly.

“And Lily, she’s James’-?”

“Obsession, yes,”

“The one who-”

“Hates James with an incomparable passion, yes,”

“Ahhh,” breathed Sirius knowingly and turned his gaze to Remus.

“The Untouchable,” they said in unison and chuckled.

James, in the meantime, gave an involuntary jump and finally returning from his stupor, started for the house. The other three boys looked a little startled by his abrupt departure and Sirius called after him.

“Why are you in such a hurry,” he asked, though the answer was obvious…

“Lily’s coming! Need to get ready!” he called back shortly and entered the house at a run.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius for being so slow and slapped him on the back of the head. “Duh, Sirius – why else would he be rushing to get ready?”

“Will you stop hitting me Please?” he pleaded in a child-like voice. “I haven’t got many brain cells left!” he added and began rubbing his head as though hoping the damaged brain cells would suddenly nurse back to health with his touch, all the while wearing a pathetic pout.

Yes, a sixteen year old boy, pouting.

“You know, Padfoot, it still amazes me to this day how you and James can be top of the year in nearly every class, yet retain being so ineffably stupid and slow at the same time.” Mused Remus, half to himself, half directed at a now mildly outraged Sirius.

“Hey! I repent that!” he retorted angrily and Remus just snorted.

“Merlin- you see what I mean? Tell me; do you even know what the word ‘repent’ means, Padfoot?” Remus questioned. Sirius opened his mouth and closed it stupidly and Remus grinned triumphantly.

“My point exactly,” Remus sighed and clapped a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “Don’t worry mate, I sometimes repent ever meeting you so young.” He said in mock seriousness and began walking towards the house. Sirius’ downcast expression suddenly turned into a bright and grateful smile.

“Aw, thanks Moony…I knew you loved me really!” he quipped happily and followed after Remus, Peter shuffling along in toe.

Remus burst out into a fit of laughter and placed an arm around Sirius’ shoulder as he caught up.

“Yeah Padfoot, that’s precisely the point I was making,” he smiled contently. “Now, let’s go and get ready for Lord and Lady Evans and Miss Untouchable.”

“Oh great, Prong’s is going to go all soppy and starry-eyed,” complained Sirius, then he added, “I repent for not feeling so wrapped up in someone like he is.”

Remus shook his head as they passed through the tall oak doors to the house. “So do I Padfoot, so do I.” He sighed...

This was going to be a long day…

(A/N: Well I’ve just earned my place as an author here at Portkey.org, and although it took a good few weeks, I have to say that I’m quite happy! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and if you feel like it, please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think! :) )

A Little Wager

James Potter frantically began dressing into his formal dinner suit to get ready for the guests that would be arriving at 4:00 – only half an hour away. Swinging his dinner jacket over his shoulders he fiddled with the platinum buttons, trying to do them up, but failing miserably as he trembled slightly in excitement.

Just as he eventually forced the first button through the hole, he heard several deep voices outside his bedroom, coming up the hall.

“-and all he’s going to do is try on the same old approach as he uses every time he sees her,” he heard Sirius moan quietly. James frowned and listened for a response.

“Padfoot, will you please stop complaining! We’ll talk to him about it later, now shut up” said Remus exasperatedly, his voice louder than Sirius’ was, though it was still reasonably hushed – they must be closer to his bedroom door. As this thought entered his mind, the handle on the door turned, and Sirius, Remus and Peter entered.

“Ah, Prongs my good man,” Said Sirius happily as he approached James quickly. “Been looking for you everywhere, well, not quite everywhere; we knew where you’d be, obviously – it’s your house; and, of course, we know your house very well, so you would naturally be in your own room, which is where we decided to come, and we were right, weren’t we Moony? Weren’t we? So, I opened the door and here you-” Sirius rambled completely pointlessly.

“Padfoot, you’re talking crap again. Shut up,” snapped James as he battled with the final button on his suit jacket in front of a large floor-to-ceiling mirror. Sirius blinked stupidly and looked at Remus, who was frowning.

“Yeah, Sirius, be quiet,” he shot at him and Sirius huffed, marched over to the bed he was sleeping in for the summer and fell head first on to it…sulking. Remus and Peter just stared after him, his eyebrows raised in amusement, then deciding that Sirius was not as exciting to watch when he was immobile and constantly sighing pathetically, he turned to watch James, who had just done up the last button on his suit.

He spun around to face Remus, his arms outstretched.

“Well what do you think?” he asked hopefully. Remus checked him over and nodded.

“Not too bad, but…” he said and James’ arms fell slightly, along with his face – it was now expectant.

“But…?”

“Well; you’re not wearing a tie,” Remus said and James opened his mouth to say something, but Remus cut him off. “And, yes James, you have to wear a tie - its full formal wear. No exceptions!” he added sternly. James sighed exasperatedly and went over to his large cheery-wood chest of drawers to find a tie. As he searched for a tie, Remus carried on.

“Oh, and uh, your suit jacket buttons are all in the wrong holes,” he said quickly, to ease the blow. James spun around, midnight blue tie in hand, and looked down at his jacket.

“What the-” he breathed. Remus screwed up his eyes awaiting James’-

“Fuck sake! Why! Why me?” he screamed hysterically, stamping his foot, as Remus walked over to him and slapped him on the back of the head, freezing his ranting.

“Haha…you got a slap that time…funny…” bantered Sirius like a little child, who was now sitting up on his bed and searching for a formal suit for the dinner.

James just shot a glare at Sirius and went to say something, but Remus began talking to him.

“James, stop getting all melodramatic and calm down,” he said softly, as he began re-doing James’ buttons into the correct holes.

“Yeah it’s not like any of this is going to make the slightest difference,” said Sirius casually, pulling out a navy blue suit. James looked at him sceptically and frowned.

“What do you mean it won’t make any difference?” James asked sharply.

“I mean,” Sirius said as he began getting changed, “she hates your guts, Prongs, everyone here and the entire school knows that. Making yourself look smart and ‘handsome’ isn’t going to make her instantly fall for you.”

James raised an eyebrow and laughed, in a, ‘you have to be kidding me’ kind of way.

“You don’t think that with my talent, I could get Lily Evans?” he asked.

Sirius finished pulling on his jacket and grinned evilly.

“Why, would you like to put a bet on that?” he said challengingly. Remus sighed as he finished James’ last button and went over to his own bed where he slept and lay down to watch the two boys.

Here we go…

“Oh ho…Mr Black wishes to make a little wager does he?” said James daringly. Sirius stared back at him and nodded slowly, a smile spreading the width of his mouth.

“He certainly is, Mr Potter, he most certainly is,” said Sirius

“Ha! Yeah, OK then, Black, I wouldn’t mind kicking your arse in another head-to-head game again,” James replied tauntingly.

“Well actually,” spoke Remus, and James turned to look at him quizzically. “It was both Sirius and I who are in on it…you’re against us both.”

“Oh,” James said, looking a little surprised that Remus, the book-loving, normally more serious member of the Marauders, was in on the bet too. Then he grinned mischievously and shrugged. “Fair enough,” he said, “I can take you both on…I could do with the money,” he added and the other two just gave him a look, to which he rolled his eyes and sighed. “OK, well maybe I don’t, but it’s still be a nice trophy – I could frame it and put it on the wall,” he said dreamily.

Remus cleared his throat sharply and shook his head. “I don’t think so, Prongs. We’re not betting for cash, or anything materialistic,” said Remus defiantly.

“What? Then what the hell are we going to bet on?” enquired James incredulously. Sirius smoothed out his suit jacket and looked up at James.

“Your pride,” He said simply. “If you don’t get Lily Evans in your bed by the time she has to leave in a week’s time, then you must swear on your entire vault, that you will not sleep with another girl until after marriage,” he said mysteriously and James’ eyes widened in horror for a moment, before returning to normal, a sly grin back on his face.

“Fine…however, if the both of you lose, you must never, ever again until our dying days, doubt my charm and unrivalled talent in bedding any girl I desire. Agreed?” he said smoothly and they both nodded.

“Excellent-” began James until something suddenly dawned on him. “Wait- since when was Evans staying here for a week?!”

“Since Sirius, Peter and I heard your mum talking to your dad about it on our way up here,” replied Remus smugly.

“Holy shit…” breathed James as he walked in a lethargic way towards his bed and plopped down heavily.

“Yeah, I thought you might think that,” said Remus.

“But at least you have a enough time to try and beat me at getting any lady to want,” coaxed Sirius and James snorted.

“Yeah, OK Padfoot, if you say so.” Sirius decided to ignore his comment and began adjusting his tie.

James looked over at Remus and gazed expectantly.

“Er, Moony, shouldn’t you be getting ready around about now?” he asked and Remus just shrugged.

“Yeah, I suppose so…” he said and pulled out his wand, pointed it at the clothes on the end of his bed and muttered a spell, then at himself and muttered another spell. “Transperio.”

Within seconds his silvery suit began materialising onto his relaxed body. A minute he was fully dressed, finely polished shoes and all.

“There. How do I look?” he asked James and Sirius who were standing and staring disbelievingly, and Peter who had just fallen over on his side trying to put on his dress trousers. “What?” he asked perplexedly and looked down at his suit. “Something wrong?” he asked innocently.

“Why didn’t you show us how to do that spell? It would have saved so much time!” James yelled.

“Oh, stop whining. Maybe next time you’ll pay more attention in Charms next time. And you really should…you’re inaccurate in your Charm work,” Remus scolded as he aimed his wand at James, Sirius and Peter in turn, muttering a spell so that their clothes fell into all the right places. He checked his watch. “Now, shall we head downstairs? We have five minutes until they arrive,” he said and the other three nodded.

“Right,” said James a little weakly, “Um…what…am I missing anything? What about…no, wait…where is it?” he rambled and Remus and Sirius poked him out of the door.

“Stop procrastinating, Prongs and get moving,” said Remus forcefully and gave him another nudge. Sirius looked at him confusedly and was about to question him but Remus cut him off. “It means stop stalling for time,” he said without even looking at Sirius.

A wave of understanding came over Sirius and he looked back at James who was now walking slowly down the hall.

“Yeah, Prongsie, you have to see her at some point…especially if want to win that bet,” he added in an under tone and James instantly sped up. The three boys smiled.

Remus suddenly remembered something and called to a fast marching James, “Oh, and James mate, remember: don’t seem over obsessed! You’ll scare her off!” he said and James just gave a little wave, signalling that he heard him.

Sirius glared at Remus and went to give him a slap on the back of the head but Remus beat him to it. “You even dare Padfoot,” he said simply as Sirius rubbed his head.

“Huh. All I was going to say is you shouldn’t give James help on this,” he said hotly, “From now on, on the matter of Lily Evans, he is our enemy; our target; our means of demeaning his way with the women; our prey; our-” Sirius said as though it were a political speech.

“Sirius, we’re not trying to kill him or ruin his reputation. And we’re certainly not going to damage his chances of getting Lily…even though I don’t agree with sleeping with her just for the sake of it…however, you do nothing and I mean nothing to mess things up, you hear me?” Remus said strictly and Sirius began pouting.

“Whatever…” he huffed.

“Besides, you know Prongs…he can do all of that without our help,” Remus added as an afterthought and chuckled. Sirius let out a bark and Peter just squeaked.

“Yeah, I suppose,” said Sirius as they entered the lobby at the front of the house where James, Victoria and Harold all stood in waiting.

“Ah, boys…good. Come here…stand there and look smart,” said Victoria very quickly. “Don’t slouch, Peter dear, you’ll crease your suit!” she said in a motherly tone to Peter. She looked at the Grand-father clock by the wall and let out a deep breath.

“Right. OK we have a couple of minutes before Lord and Lady Evans arrive. Now, I want all three of you on your best behaviour-” she stopped suddenly and called out as she brushed some fluff off of James’ shoulder. “- Marian! – And I mean no mishaps from either of you – Marian, dear! – I’m sure you’ll keep a good eye pf them, won’t you Remus?” he asked as she let her hands hover around his suit, looking frantically for something to brush off or straighten out. Frowning a little at the prospect of not being able to mother him, she shrugged a little and just swept her hand over the jacket anyway.

Finally satisfied that her job was done, she looked around in a rush and hollered, “MARIAN!”

“Right here my Lady,” spoke an old, motherly, kind and caring voice from behind her. A small woman in maids dress was standing with a soft, warm smile on her face and gazing at the boys all dressed in their formal attire admirably.

“Oh, Marian dear, is everything all in order? Do we have enough Butterbeer? I hear, although they’re Muggle’s, they really like it…Oh and what about the food? There is enough food isn’t there? Oh, dear God…what if…what if they don’t like the meal? I’ll be a laughing stock…” Victoria rambled anxiously until Harold laid a hand on her arm.

“Honey, calm down!” he said soothingly. “Look, they shall love the meal…the food and drinks are all hand picked by Carlos, and lets face it, he has an excellent taste in fine wines and dishes. Don’t worry, everything will be OK.”

“Oh, I suppose you’re right…” she sighed and took a deep breath.

“My Lord, my Lady, I assure you everything is in order…we have enough Butterbeer to last us the year and our own Mr Black took it upon himself to taste the meal this morning,” said Marian softly and looked at Sirius, who was trying his best to look innocent.

“Well, Sirius dear?” enquired Marian.

“Lovely, Maid Marian, absolutely delicious!” he complemented and she smiled gratefully at him.

“See, my Lady, if Sirius approves, anyone will love it,” she said.

“Oh, I am sorry for over reacting…I’m just…” she sighed again and put on her best smile. “Thank you, Marian dear. Do give our assurance to the House Elves that they shall not go unrewarded if all goes well – nor, indeed, shall you or Carlos.”

“Thank you my Lady, my Lord,” she said bowing her head at Victoria and then Harold. She then turned to Sirius and said sweetly, “Oh, and Sirius, dear…don’t call me ‘Maid Marian’ again. Ever.” She said and he smiled innocently, to which she rolled her eyes and disappeared instantly with a silent wisp of smoke.

“She loves me, really,” Sirius quipped and Remus sniggered. James looked slightly disgusted and laughed a little too and Peter bobbed his head to an unheard tune, completely in his own little world.

All was silent until-

“Ah! They’re here, they’re here!” announced Victoria suddenly, who had been gazing adamantly out of the window by the door, making everyone jump, and Peter squeak.

James looked out of the window too and noticed a long beautiful black limousine pull up outside their house in the courtyard and his heart gave an untimely jilt of anxiety and excitement.

Lily Evans would be staying at his house for a whole week!

Suppressing a stupid grin that threatened to blind everyone, as rolled on the balls of his feet. He couldn’t quite see the front of the Limousine that had pulled up and it seemed that the driver was opening the door for them around about the front because he didn’t see anyone exit the car; he only heard the slamming of doors and voices.

He couldn’t quite hear all of what they were saying, but he did hear a young, soft voice ask one question. “-why would either of you actually tell me where we-” it began but he heard no more as Marian appeared at the double oak doors and opened them slowly.

‘Ok, here we go. Be cool, Potter…you can do this! You can win! You can-’

His thoughts were cut short as a tall, greying man with a moustache and vibrant green eyes entered the house, with a medium-height, blonde haired woman beside him who still retained the obvious featured of absolute beauty, that were more apparent in her younger days. As Victoria and Harold began saying hello and introducing the Marian to them, James’ eyes fell on a sight that would never leave his dreams until the day he died – and some.

Lily Evans walked in slightly nervously, wearing a subtle, yet gorgeous, emerald green dress that brought out her amazing emerald eyes. The dress, James noticed, seemed to cling hungrily to her every curse and crevice, yet hang loosely in the areas in which you would need to get under, if it just so happens you need to unwrap what it’s hiding. Like a present – a gift – a-

‘-Miracle, that’s what you need, mate.’ Hissed a small voice in the back of his head and he silently cursed himself. He broke from his thoughts, yet his eyes never left Lily’s body. She seemed to not have noticed the four boys yet. None of the guests had. Well, until now, anyway-

“And these four, my friends,” James heard his dad say joyfully, as he continued to watch Lily take in her surroundings, not paying much attention. “Are our son and his friends: Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin-” James noticed Lily freeze and just stare ahead of her, “-Sirius Black-” she shook her head, closed her eyes and appeared to be muttering something under her breath. “- and last but not least, our son, James Potter!” finished Harold merrily and Lily’s eyes shot open, disbelief written all over her beautiful face.

James froze as Lily’s head turned to face him and their eyes connected. For about ten seconds the two of them stared at each other; James in anticipation to see what she’d do or say and Lily in absolute horror and fury.

‘Ah, apparently she wasn’t told of where she was staying for a week,’ said a small evil voice in the back of James’ mind.

Everyone in the lobby stopped and watched the two teenagers silent and tension filled connection.

Elizabeth Evans spoke up a little uneasily, eyes flicking between the two wide-eyed teens.

“Oh, do you two - er - know each other, then?”

A Dinner with the Potter’s

Bang!

Slam!

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?” screamed an infuriated Lily Evans as she barged forcefully into her parents bedroom once they had been showed to their rooms. Elizabeth and Richard Evans jumped in shock as they turned from their suitcases that they were bending over and unpacking, and gazed at their fuming daughter reproachfully.

“Lillian!” scolded Elizabeth, glancing at her husband fleetingly. “What on earth do you think you’re doing?”

“I want to know why neither of you ever told me where we were going,” said Lily in a low tone. “Why, of all houses to visit, did we have to damn well come here?” she asked angrily.

Both Elizabeth and Richard stood up immediately and shot extremely dangerous looks at Lily.

“Lily! How dare you burst into our private quarters and then begin blaspheming in the presence of the Lord,” reprimanded Richard. “You best have a very good reason for damning the house of our hosts, so help you God, Lillian Elizabeth Evans!”

Lily opened her mouth to retaliate, but closed it again and took a deep breath, as the look on both her parents faces told her that maybe an apology would suffice.

Richard’s expression became softer as he took her hand and led her over to the bed for her to sit down. Elizabeth shook her head at Lily and her use of language that had always been taboo under their roof.

“Lily, what is this all about?” Richard questioned as his wife listened from their suit cases while she continued to unpack them.

“It’s just…” Lily paused for a second. She hadn’t ever really mentioned James Potter and his friends to them before and doubted whether they would take much notice. “Well, you see, Pot- I mean James and his friends have always been…well…my least favourite people at school. James has some fascination with pulling pranks on me and just generally annoying me constantly, everyday, by asking me out and hitting on me,” she said and looked at her parents expressions which were mildly amused. “And the thing is, he doesn’t even like me! He just does it for pleasure at my expense…he hates me, that’s why he does it, and I hate him!” she ranted, her voice growing louder in frustration at the looks on her parents faces.

This was NOT an amusing situation!

“Oh come now, dear, you can’t hate him…hate is a very strong word,” her mother said in a voice that told Lily her mother thought she was over reacting. Lily stared at her incredulously and opened her mouth, but- “And I’m sure that he doesn’t hate you” she added sternly.

“Oh really? Well then why does he insist on making my life hell at school?” she screamed in frustration. Her mothers face hardened and she stared at her daughter in disbelief.

“Lily, you have been told once, you shall not be told again; do-not-denounce-our-Holy-Father-into-damnation! I will not have it! You were brought up to be better than that!” Elizabeth said icily.

Lily’s face fell and she, as she always did, had the dignity to look and feel guilty.

‘Damn their religious beliefs!’ she heard an evil voice whisper in the back of her mind.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean…it’s just that…oh, mum I really don’t think I can put up with James and his little friends over the next week! Well, Remus is OK, he’s nice, kind and sweet, but the other three- urgh!” she growled in disgust.

Elizabeth’s eyes rose considerably high and she went over and knelt down by her daughter.

“Ohhh, and which one was Remus again?” she asked with an air of an all to interested mother in her daughters love life. “Is he the lad with blond coloured hair?” she asked and Lily just smiled.

“Yes, that’s him…” Lily sighed. This was not where she intended for the conversation to go.

“Oh, I see…and the other two taller ones…James and Sirius is it? Well…they’re all very handsome, dear…why don’t you-” Elizabeth began, and just as Lily went to cut her off, Richard beat her too it.

“Elizabeth, don’t you dare attempt to lure our daughter into a relationship…I think she’s quite right…none of them suit her…she wants to stay single until she finds the right man, don’t you honey?” he said as more of an order than a question. Before she could answer he carried on. “Yes, of course you do. Now, let’s get ready for dinner, I’m quite positively famished! Aren’t you, dear?” he asked his wife and she rolled her eyes.

Richard never liked the idea of his little princess daughter being fooled around with by an unworthy man.

He just absolutely wouldn’t have it!

“Yes dear,” Elizabeth said and stood up, smoothing out her dress. “Well, you should return to your room, sweetie. Go and get ready…dinner is in an hour.” She said and turned to her case to finish unpacking and getting changed.

“Fine,” said Lily and got up and left without another word.

As she made her way to the room she would be staying in, she saw someone at the end of the long corridor just sitting up against the wall. Getting closer she noticed that it was a male figure and this further increased her curiosity and dread…what if it was-

“Hey Evans,” greeted James, a calm smile on his face.

Lily glared at him. “What do you want, Potter?” she said coldly. “If you’ve come to ask me out, play some kind of sad little prank or just in some way annoy me then you’re looking for a slap,” she said, her voice dripping in the deepest loathing.

James stood up and held up his hands in defence.

“Woah!” he said taken aback. “I was only- oh forget it,” he concluded, looking hurt and began walking off until Lily’s exasperated voice called him back.

“Oh for the love of- what did you want, Potter?” she asked him more sincerely this time. He turned around and stared at her.

For a few seconds she found herself just gazing back at him, into his deep hazel eyes, and found herself thinking how beautiful they were - how one could just get lost in them…

Their connection broke as James’ expression turned into a frown and he sighed.

“Evans,” he muttered, “I-I just wanted to let you know, though I doubt it makes any difference,” he paused and ran his hand through his hair. “Well, OK, I just wanted you to know that I-I don’t hate you…” he said drifting off into a lame ending.

Lily looked taken aback for a second and then blinked.

“Oh, OK…is that all?” she asked trying to find the right words in response yet finding none.

James sighed hopelessly and turned around again and walked off, calling over his shoulder, “Dinner’s in forty-five minutes,” shortly and turning the corner, heading for his own room.

‘Well, now…that was surreal,’ Lily thought to herself and shivered as though an unknown presence had passed through her confused body. Shrugging off what had just happened she opened the door to her bedroom and prepared herself for the evening meal – and James-sodding-Potter and his over-rated, annoying, pathetic, stupid, arrogant, conceited, tall, dark, hand-

Lily paused and screamed loudly in frustration and disgust at the thought that nearly pierced her Potter-pierced, plague-free, and currently, pissed off little mind.

‘Ohhh…stupid-idiot,’ she forced the door open and entered. As she went to close the door it caught on her dress. “Oh for the love of Merlin! Get-off…OFF!” she continued to struggle angrily with her dress as it tangled further into the door handle. “Oh for fu- ARGHHH-”

SLAM!

And then he dress tore at the seam-

“Fuck it!”

*Later that evening at Dinner*

Once everyone had arrived in the dining hall that evening they were greeted by an array of appetising and enticing smells and colours. The long, glossy, rich oak table stood proudly in the centre of an enormous room with tall leaded windows, beautifully toned deep maroon curtains and a twenty foot high arched ceiling.

The oak table had not yet been filled with the evening’s meal, however there were gleaming golden plates, cutlery and crystal goblets laden upon its surface. Just the beauty of the tableware would seem appetising – but, of course, eating the solid gold plates would just be silly.

“Oh, my…gracious, Victoria, this room truly is wonderful!” gushed Elizabeth Evans as she gazed adoringly at the cavernous room she sat in, especially taking in the large golden chandelier hanging directly above them; it’s Everlasting Candles glimmering brightly, the beaded diamonds dangling gently in intricate weaves and braids.

“Oh, why thank you, Elizabeth,” responded Victoria genially. “I must say we do try our best.”

While Victoria and Elizabeth continued to chat happily about each others homes and most expensive belongings, Richard and Harold sat either side of their wives, opposite each other, talking animatedly about their Lordship status and how it shoulder not be abused…

“-and I don’t agree with the idea of allowing some aristocrats being able to employ more than 50 house elves in any one household!” blathered Richard Evans making ostentatious hand gestures across the table. Harold Potter nodded in agreement fervently.

“I couldn’t agree more! Some of those so-called Lords, namely the Malfoy’s, even have their own zoo of highly dangerous Dark creatures! Now that, my friend is something for the higher authorities, wouldn’t you think?” Harold exclaimed disgustedly. Richard nodded and threw his hands up into the air impressively.

“I know! I read about that in the paper! Of course, we non-magical folk only assumed them to be dogs, cats and very large and violent hippopotamuses of some sort, but these Dark creatures would make more sense, because as you well know, cats generally aren’t that loud. I must say that our dear Lily has kept us very well informed on these types of creatures,” he blabbered. “Oh, and I’m sure they keep pet snakes there too…the times myself and Elizabeth have heard them hissing during the night! Oh, the noise! I swear, Elizabeth has never slept so little lately…she is adamant that it is the serpent from the Garden of Eden that is coming to punish her for the sin she committed last week,” he said a little solemnly, glancing at his wife next to him.

Harold raised an eyebrow and asked, “Oh, and what sin was that?”

“Oh, well…she doesn’t like to be reminded of it…she was in quite a tiff for a few days afterwards, but-” Richard lowered his voice and leaned in closer so that only Harold could hear him. “-Well, a neighbouring Manor – Slythérhyde (Slyth-ay-er-hide) Manor – the one that belongs to those eerie folk, the Malfoy’s – again – managed to have one of their possessions end up in our grounds by the front gates. It was a type of- long black staff with a silver snakes head on top. Strange thing, but we refuse to give it back to them – they’ve kept us up too many nights. But anyway, Elizabeth is having second thoughts…she doesn’t like stealing.” He finished and Harold just looked taken aback then nodded.

“I say…”

Beside Lord Richard sat his perturbed looking daughter, Lily Evans. Glaring despairingly at the golden plate in front of her, Lily was constantly shooting furtive loathing glances at the boy who say opposite her.

James Potter, sitting beside his father, Lord Harold, kept uncomfortably looking around at his friends, Sirius, Remus and Peter who were in conversation about the new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor that would be joining the Hogwarts staff the coming year. James really wasn’t too bothered about joining the discussion, and it showed every time Sirius attempted to engage him in asking who it might be and whether they would be able to fool him into believing that they were who they really weren’t: James as Sirius, Sirius as Remus, Remus as Peter and Peter as James.

Shaking his head, James quickly agreed and turned to face Lily who had an expression of utter disbelief on her face.

“What?” James questioned confusedly. Lily didn’t approve of trying to out smart teachers, especially if they were new and didn’t know any better.

“Don’t you dare start playing pathetic immature tricks on new teachers, Potter! Because you know I’ll only burst your sad, lonely little bubble you seem to prise so much,” Lily hissed in an undertone and James just rolled his eyes.

“Well for your information, Evans, I couldn’t care less what you think or do about it…besides; it’s not my, ‘pathetic immature trick’, is it?” James countered, mimicking Lily and causing her to glare at him with the heat of a thousand hot pokers. He glanced at Sirius who was entertaining Peter by repeatedly flicking Remus on the ear, who in return, was slapping Sirius on the back of the head -hard. James rolled his eyes again and grinned slightly, turning back to face Lily who was looking at them in disgust. “It’s his idea. I won’t take part if it hurts your precious power trip, princess.” He smirked and Lily shot hot, red-headed fiery daggers at him. James flinched slightly at the look he was receiving, and his face dropped slightly.

“You ever call me that again, Potter, and you’ll be the first victim of one of my <i>real</i> power trips!” Lily snarled viciously and James’ face lit up again and he snorted.

“Ohhh, aren’t we a feisty one, Evans. Be sure to make it real powerful…I could use a good-” James began but before he could finish he felt an almighty pain shoot up his leg issuing from his shin. He yelped and cursed quietly. His immediate reaction was to turn to Sirius, but when he did look, Sirius was sharing one of his, ‘…so I said to her, “You want to see my bedroom? It has a king size bed…very bouncy too!”’ tales with Remus and Peter.

At first, you would imagine that Sirius was going to describe how he bedded a poor once innocent girl, wouldn’t you? Sadly, though, you would be sorely mistaken-

“…and after some heavy making out, I bounced on the bed for hours!” he would finish with a bright grin on his face. You would notice the unfortunate lack of emphasis on ‘bounced’, meaning that, sadly, he wasn’t actually being metaphorical in this case – he actually did just bounce on the bed for hours and try and do back flips, which usually ended up in him falling off the bed and braking something valuable. It is also apparent, quite pitifully so, in his use of the noun, I that it was only he, no one else, that got any bounce time on the bed, as the girls, who would finally give in to his incessant ‘just give it a go’ badgering, would never actually receive a go-

“So, can I have a go now then?” one of his poor victims would ask in a tone of ‘let’s just get this over with’.

He would then reply, quite exhaustively after bouncing for half an hour or so, “Erm…yeah…OK…hold on…I just want to…bounce some more…help yourself to…the chocolate frogs…”

And then they would just leave him to it and storm out, but not before snatching the bowl of chocolate frogs on their way out.

After James’ painful, to be said ambiguously, reminisce, he turned to Lily who wore an expression of utter loathing and disgust. Yet James could swear he saw a glint of triumphant satisfaction in her emerald eyes and this assumption triggered his response.

“What the hell was that for?!” he growled angrily, glaring at her.

“I told you, if you ever use my name in a sentence that contains suggestive profanity, relating to actions, you, me and everyone else know will never ever happen, I’ll ensure you get what you deserve!” Lily replied hotly. James shrugged.

“Whatever, Evans…you know you wouldn’t mind a bit of forepl- OW!”

“You really are dense aren’t you? Now keep your tongue in that fat head of yours!” Lily sneered as she retracted her foot from James already battered shin. Reaching down to rub his leg and numb the pain, James opened his mouth and replied-

“Will you st-” but didn’t manage to get very far as a soft, motherly voice broke his beginning rant.

“My Lord’s, my Lady’s, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lillian-” James snorted at the use of her full name, only to receive another agonising whip to his bruised shin. “-dinner is served!” Finished Marian with a wave of her hands and a man apparated a few feet from the table dressed in an outlandish red frilly shirt with white, a little too tightly fitting, dress trousers. He had a handsome, tanned and Hispanic looking face that utterly beamed with obvious flamboyant nature.

He took a step forward and waved his hands in an exaggerated flourish and then held them out as though presenting something of great importance and spoke in an ostentatious voice that absolutely dripped in a French camp accent.

“Lord’s, Lady’s, boys an’ girls, would you be so kind as to allow me present you with tonight’s absolutely gorgeous meal cooked up by our resident house elves!” he announced and James noticed, with a small hint of jealously, Lily’s face lighten up at the appearance and sound of this fresh new character.

The waiter clapped his hands in an overly colourful manner and upon the many golden plates appeared a magnificent array of colours and enticing smells.

“Tonight, my darlings, you absolutely must indulge yourselves in an appetiser of Scandinavian Cocktailed Shrimps, carefully marinated in Dill and Mint with just a pinch of Basil-” he paused and stared at the shrimps, then sighed dramatically, “-and a hint of carelessness on part of zee ‘ead chef, Mariatto, ‘oo seems to ‘ave left out zee white wine sauce, for which ‘ee shall receive a serious spanking,” the table laughed heartedly but the waiter seemed quite indifferent to their reaction. He was being serious. “And then, for zee main course we ‘ave a be-autiful Halibut with ‘erbs and Rosemary-Lemon Butter. Then to conclude, a serving of Cloudberry Cream with Rosemary and Vanilla!” he smiled brightly and everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed appreciatively, then gave him an enthusiastic round of applause. The waiter bowed in an exaggerated fashion and blew kisses to everyone, then said on a final note, “Enjoy your meal, my Lord’s and Lady’s!” then with one teasing wink at Sirius, who looked positively disturbed, he clicked his fingers, disapperating with a silent ‘poof’.

Elizabeth Evans smiled brightly and said more to herself than anyone in particular, “Well, this does look lovely!”

“It certainly does!” beamed Richard, “I say, Victoria, who is that wonderful man who served us so eloquently?”

“Oh, that was Carlos…lovely boy, an absolute star and a close friend of ours…a little expressive at times, but very funny otherwise.” She responded, also smiling happily.

“He’s also gay!” declared Sirius very unnecessarily to the entire table. James’ eyes widened and he gave Sirius a swift boot in the leg to shut him up and Remus, as was the norm with Sirius, slapped him round the back of the head and shook his head incredulously. Lily just rolled her eyes and shot him a disapproving look.

“Yes, thank you for that…enlightening comment, Sirius,” said Harold in a warning tone as he glanced at Sirius who looked completely unconcerned that he had just blurted something entirely unfit for the type of people they had visiting.

“Idiot!” scolded James as he nudged Sirius in the side. Sirius just stuck his tongue out and shrugged.

“Sorry Papa P!” he said innocently.

“Quite all right, Sirius…now eat up before the dinner gets cold,” Harold sighed, though he had a small grin tugging at his lips. Sirius really was unaware of…well…anything and everything.

The table continued to work their way through the meal without any trouble until the plates were cleared away and they were sitting around chatting merrily, all fit to burst with delicious food.

“So, Evans, you looking forward to the rest of the week?” James asked Lily conversationally and she just glared him.

“What? You think spending time with the few people I detest more than Severus Snape for an entire week, on my own with no one worth talking to, accept Remus maybe, and a room to sleep in that could at anytime be broken into by a select few sad, even perverted no doubt, individuals is something to look forward to?” Lily enquired through gritted teeth. James shot her a reproachful look.

“Oh, come on…that’s not fair, is it!” he protested, “We’re not perverted! Well, Sirius is, but me and the others sure aren’t…” he said frowning and Lily leapt up from her seat letting out an anguished scream and turning on her heal and marching off in a huff. Everyone jumped, startled by Lily’s abrupt departure and yell. They stared after her, but only James called to her.

“Oh, Evans, come on- don’t be like that…he’d probably only want to bounce on your bed anyway!” James said loudly as Lily walked through the door-

SLAM!

Everyone turned to stare at James in disbelief, utterly speechless. Sirius, however, and as ever, completely unaware to what was going on in his own little Black world that apparently contained pink fluffy pictures on the girls he had bedded, grinned and turned to James.

“Hey, you know, that bed thing doesn’t sound like a bed idea!” he said grinning madly at the notion of a big bed to fool around on – by himself.

Everyone looked at him, rolled their eyes and then snapped at him in unison.

“SHUT UP, SIRIUS!”

(A/N: Just thought I’d drop in the third chapter for y’all – especially due to the wonderful reviews I received! Those reviews really made my day, especially Hermione_Crookshanks’! Very praising indeed, though I have to say the opening lines of the review scared me – I thought I was about to be reprimanded and then told to do myself a favour and leave the site…turns out I was right in a way! ;) Thanks Hermione_Crookshanks, and you yourself should keep up the absolutely amazing work on ‘I’m not Neurotic! The Diary of Hermione Granger’ – love it! Next chapter will be up soon! Hope you all enjoyed it! ~ Alexi Drake)

The Marauder Mystery

“Well that was a fun dinner,” said Sirius happily, collapsing onto a large couch in front of the living room fire and stretching out his legs. Everyone else, aside from the Marauders, had retreated to their bedrooms for a spot of much needed sleep to rest their baffled minds.

James, Remus and Peter had situated themselves around the fire – Remus on Sirius’ legs at the opposite end of the couch, James on a giant black leather arm chair that had a special little thing to put…well…a thing in, built into the arm rest, and Peter sat cross-legged on the maroon plush, shag rug to the left of the fire (which if you were looking from Peter’s perspective, would be the right, due to his absolute incompetence at telling the difference between his left and right…and his right and wrong, for that matter…which nicely compliments his inert ability to not understand his right from left – which is most certainly – wrong).

They all turned to Sirius, each with similar incredulous looks on their weary faces. Remus spoke first.

“You…you…you really have no idea, do you?” hissed Remus, shaking his head in disbelief at his friends’ complete non-existent touch with the world around him. His mind seemed to just hover, unsupported by any strand of reality or mental stability.

Sirius looked at Remus blankly and held up his hand waving it in front of his own face and shook his head furiously, following, closely, the movements of his hand.

“I’m sorry, what?” he said vacantly, still staring at his hand in front of his face.

Remus’ eye began to twitch slightly and he looked about ready to strangle the boy in front of him, but with an enormous effort, managed to control his instincts – which was generally to maim, mutilate and basically kill, in another form and mind, of course – and just turned to look at James who looked back at him, his expression indifferent, shaking his head, denying Remus the go ahead at the chance to happy-slap Sirius. Remus looked a little disappointed at first but unclenched his fists and blinked a couple of times to suppress his eyes’ nervous convulsing.

“Right, well…” Remus began, but cut himself off mid way and decided to ask James what he had been praying for his canine instincts not to do. “What the hell happened back there, Prongs?” he asked abruptly.

Still feeling slightly apathetic to everything around him James slowly turned his head to gaze at Remus; his brow creased that showed he was trying to think…a desperate process for some, but James’ mind was smarter than it thought.

“I…” he started but frowned and stared back into the fire. Letting out a sigh he breathed out, “I don’t know, Moony…I just, I dunno…I guess I just–”

“You just really pissed Lily off and she stormed out – impressively so.” Remus concluded to his broken up, reasonably incoherent explanation. James snorted disgustedly and reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper.

By this time, Sirius realised he was missing out on something important and had abandoned frantic hand gazing to join in on the conversation. As he tuned in to the exchange between Remus and James, he noticed the piece of paper James was holding.

“Prongs, what’s that?” he asked placing his hands behind his head. Remus watched James curiously, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at the determined expression on James’ face.

His eyes suddenly widened and his eyebrows shot up with a certain grace that only a blood-thirsty, man-mauling monster every monthly full-moon could master.

“Don’t,” said Remus quickly, realising what the piece of paper was. Sirius and Peter looked at him in confusion and James just frowned and glanced at him.

“Don’t do what?” he asked innocently.

“Stop thinking about doing what you’re thinking of doing and just don’t. She’s not your average easy girl, and she doesn’t deserve that. Plus she’ll never fall for it. You know that, James.” Remus warned. Sirius and Peter raised their eyebrows in surprise.

“Oooo…you used his first name – this must be serious! What’s this about?” said Sirius excitedly removing his legs from under Remus and sitting properly, leaning forward in anticipation. Peter just let out a random squeak and Sirius looked at him and raised an eyebrow, mouthed, ‘Ooookay then – strange child’ and turned back to the main commotion.

Remus continued to stare at James and said pointedly; “It’s the piece of paper, Padfoot…” he turned to Sirius, “You know, the Marauder Mystery…the thing no one can work out about us–”

A dim light seemed to ignite somewhere deep, deep inside of Sirius’ mind, and a look of comprehension dawned upon his handsome features.

Remus very quickly continued with, “And don’t you dare encourage him!” as Sirius opened his mouth, his face going from one of absolute glee to one of innocence and mock incredulousness.

“Me? Encourage him? You’re barking up the wrong tree there, mate,” he said with a smirk directed at Remus who just raised his eyebrow. Sirius began to look a little uncomfortable for a second while suffering Remus’ piercing gaze, but after a moment or two broke out into a disappointed, sulking child and began pouting.

“Damn it…why did I have to be a bloody dog too…could have been…funny…” he muttered to himself staring intently at the ground as to avoid Remus’ triumphant smirk.

Remus just ignored Sirius’ huffs and mutters that sounded like, ‘wish I was a rabbit’ and said amusedly, “You may want to work on your so-called ‘witty comments’, Padfoot.” Remus suggested smugly and laughed slightly but turned back to James who had gotten up and out of his chair, and was now opening up the magically sealed piece of paper.

“Wait!” Remus spoke with haste. “Think about what this is going to involve, James. It’s dangerous, especially with her parents staying here too. We agreed never to use that…we haven’t done since fifth year, James – let’s not go back to it. And besides, you could hurt her even more than you already seem to have done.”

“Look, Moony, I don’t know what you’re on about! This is far from dangerous…and you know as well as I do that my parents and hers are planning a 5 day trip to the Caribbean – which we’re not invited to, including Lily…too dangerous with that crazy fuck, Voldemort on the loose,” James said to Remus edgily. “All it is is a slightly different way of winning this bet…”

“Fine,” said Remus letting out an agitated breath. “Just- oh, do follow them properly; don’t go adding to it or changing the course of action.”

“I won’t.” He said shortly, now skimming over the paper. “’Night lads,” he said simply and wandering out of the living room and up the stairs.

Remus just watched him go, shaking head in indignation. “He is so stubborn…” he muttered and looked at Sirius who was just sitting with a smile on his face while whistling a flat tune.

Remus rolled his eyes and said, “Sirius, shut up and wipe that ridiculous smile off your face – this isn’t funny!”

Sirius immediately stopped and set his face to expressionless.

“Oh come on, Moony, they’re only steps to help him out. I mean, let’s face it, he’s gunna need it. Evan’s isn’t a girl you can easily win over, especially when she hates your guts,” Sirius countered. Remus continued to look unconvinced so Sirius pushed on.

“Hey, look, at least he’s not using something stupid like a Love Potion or anything. It’s still Evans and James in their same minds; James is just using – err – different tactics to win her…” explained Sirius, a hopeful expression on face – one that pleaded for Remus to give in.

Remus turned his head to Sirius and said very plainly and very simply.

“Yeah, maybe, but Lily will be falling for a different James, Sirius, not the real James we all know. Even though he’s been unable to show that to her yet, which in my eyes is his best bet – but as this is a bet we want to win, I’m not going to advise him – however, the manner in which he’ll be behaving will be too slick for James…and although I hate to admit it, it’s- it’s your style, not his – you’re the…the…” Remus couldn’t bring himself to say it, and boost Sirius’ ego even further up the rope of arrogance.

Sirius smiled and finished for him. “You mean I’m the slick one with the ladies, do you not, Moony?”

Moony sighed and closed his eyes as he muttered a quiet, “Yes, Sirius, I mean you’re the slick one with the ladies. But- that’s not my point. My point is, James isn’t like that smooth with the ladies-”

“The way I am, you mean…” Sirius said smugly, grinning happily that Remus was forced to compliment him on something else aside from how good his head is for happy slapping.

Remus rolled his eyes and cringed. “Yeah, sure…whatever…Sirius, seriously now – don’t you dare start with that again – James is going to be acting, well, even more out of character than he usually is around Lily for a while. All we need to do is-” Remus ranted, apparently brewing up an idea to stop James before it was too late. But Sirius, however, was getting bored…

“All we need to do!” Sirius said loudly over Remus’ voice. “Is to let him play it how he wants to, Moony, my dear old friend. Let’s not get involved more than we have to.” Sirius said coolly and wisely. Remus just stared at him and bit his lip – a little too hard – flinched at the pain and finally sighed and nodded his head in defeat.

“Oh fine…you’re right I guess,” Remus said and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Sirius, however, grinned triumphantly and patted Moony on the back only half-heartedly due to his own exhaustion.

“Yeah, Moony, I am right – you’re right that I’m right…it’s funny really, ‘cause I had-” Sirius began and his eyes clouded over as though imagining himself somewhere in which everyone loved him and…well, let’s just say that Remus could feel one of Sirius’:

‘I had a cool dream last night and it was cool ‘cause here was all of this…wicked and cool things happening…and then you came up to me when I had done something cool, and said a really COOL thing to me…’ speeches; which would then ensue with the poor listener thinking, or even mumbling, shouting and screaming hysterically:

‘Oh please, Heaven to Merlin- shut him UP! I can’t take it anymore! Please, please- can’t you use anything other than the word ‘cool’ every few words, you annoying, long haired, inarticulate-’ and then your mind would create a mental block in which karma would catch up on you and stop you from thinking of a smart, intelligent word to outsmart the unintelligent one.

Sirius, as you can see, drove people to near insanity with his infuriatingly frustrating ramblings using the most damned ridiculous and annoying words known to articulate people. Not that Sirius wasn’t smart, because he was- he and James we the top in nearly every class at Hogwarts…but his communication skills…well…let’s just say he’d been lunged at a good few times for not shutting up.

“I don’t want to hear it, Sirius; no speech, no going on about how I have complimented you against my better judgement – for your sake as well as my own – and please, please - just-don’t-talk, okay?” Remus simmered, sounding a little hysterical and mad.

Sirius took his arm off of Remus and put on a fake hurt look and looked the other way, crossing his arms as he did so.

“Must be someone’s time of the month,” he huffed quietly, but Remus heard him, nevertheless.

“ARGHHH!” Remus growled in an amazingly monster-like manner, his true-wolf showing through clearly. Sirius jumped and squealed like a little girl, running quickly to escape Remus’ grasp, who had begun chasing after him, though Remus did have a small playful glint in his eye and a smirk spreading the width of his slightly weary face.

“IIII’MMMM SOWWWWWYYY!!!” cried Sirius in a high-pitched voice all the way up the stairs in a frantic panic, laughing heavily.

***\/***

James entered his room and sat on his bed grasping the piece of paper – not parchment – in his hands. Slowly, he unfolded it again and just stared at it.

Taking a deep breath he whispered, “Okay, you can do this Potter. It’s easy-” he stopped himself and rolled his eyes, mentally laughing at his own naivety. “What the– shut up you twat! This is gunna be bloody hard!” he hissed in frustration to his overly-confident ego.

Before he could continue to speak with his other self, his head shot up and he narrowed his eyes. Staring intently at the door he sighed angrily and threw a nearby shoe at it.

“Sod off, Wormtail, before I come over there and squash you, you little rat!” he growled and there came an almost immediate squeak from the door and a faint scuttling. “And tell Padfoot and Moony I’ll batter the crap out of them if they come in here until I say they can!” he shouted and was greeted with a loud groan from the other side of the door and a heavy sigh.

“Ohhhh- but-but…no fair!” whined Sirius, “I wanna eavesdrop, so I-”

SLAP!

“OW!” Sirius howled.

“Yeah, that hurt, didn’t it? Good. Now shut up screaming and shouting, Black, and go to bed!” said a muffled angry voice; one that James hoped wasn’t Remus’, because it sounded nothing like him…unless Remus was-

“Fuck Merlin, Evans! Where the fuck did you come from? Hey, is that see through?” he said sounding childishly hopeful. “Moony, turn on a light so I can see-”

Silencio!

Everything went quiet between those outside the door and James inside the room. A cool draft blew through an open window and some extremely random person coughed loudly on the street below – and then-

SLAP!

“Thank you, Remus,” said Lily, “But did you have to slap him too?” she asked with slight amusement in her tone.

James could hear Remus clear his throat and sniff slightly, before saying very simply, “Yes.”

Lily laughed softly.

Not being able to take it anymore, James made to get up and go and see Lily – after all, the first step was to apologise for, well, acting like a complete idiot, earlier on. As he neared the door, he heard Lily bid Remus goodnight and close the bedroom door. Upon hearing this, James turned, without stopping, on his heal and slumped back over to his bed and collapsed on top of it.

A faint knocking at the door signalled that the others wanted to come in, so James called out.

“Fine, come in then!”

The door opened slowly and a figure peered into the darkness and over at James’ motionless form on the bed.

“Potter?” called the same female as he had heard earlier outside his door. This time, however, it was calm and soft.

James’ head turned sharply and he gazed disbelievingly at the slim shadow trying to communicate with him – a concept he had been taught to get to grips with by an old Irish Gipsy-Witch…or more accurately, his great-grandmother, Polly Doris Potter.

“Lil- Evans?” he stuttered, his eyes open wide in amazement and confusion.

She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. After hearing the resounding click, she spoke again.

“Yeah…look, listen, I know we don’t get it on” James raised his eyebrows; did she just say- “, but I was wondering if we could try and get it on during the time we have to spend together? You know, just as equally beneficial friends of one another’s bodies…” she said casually, without any suggestive tone or implication.

Okay, this is just twisted…but…I like it…yes, I definitely like it.

“Um…yeah, sure…what ever makes you feel better,” he replied croakily and she came closer and closer; her body peeping out of the shadows- wait!

Lily doesn’t have that much money- what the fuck? How has that got to do with anything? Stop going off on a random retarded tangent.

Idiot…

“James!” said a very male voice coming from where Lily stood. “Prongs, wake up you imbecile!

He woke with a sudden start.

“What the hell…I didn’t do it, it was Sirius!” babbled James as his head shot up from his pillow, his eyes drooping still from the warm cosiness of his bed-

“Prongs, why are you sleeping on the window sill?” asked Remus worriedly, as though considering him as a serious mentally handicapped head case…much the way he treated Sirius most of the time; which sounds a little unfair, but Sirius really did act like one most of the time, so it became natural to assume the classic Marauder look;

‘What in the name of all that is good – yet mischievous – and pure – yet not necessarily virgin – is wrong – not Peter’s ‘wrong’, which is generally right – with you?’

James’ mind suddenly sprang into over drive and a couple of simple occurrences went through his mind.

No Lily…

All a dream…

On a window sill…

Not in a bed…

No Snitch the yellow bear…

Getting the ‘what the hell is wrong with you?’ look…

No morning glory…

No comfort- wait!

NO MORNING GLORY!

James’ eyes widened in horror – something was very wrong.

“James, stop looking like shell-shocked Hippogriff with Haemorrhoids and get up. Yours and Lily’s parents want to see all of us downstairs before they leave…they’re leaving a day early,” Remus added at the now reproachful look on James’ face. “Wormtail is already downstairs eating all the food…come on, hurry up…Sirius is doing my head in…” he muttered in annoyance, his eyes flashing dangerously, as a high pitched squeal came from the bathroom down the hall.

“Oh, Jamesie! I love thee so much! Kiss me!” fluttered a shrill voice.

“Why, I love thee as one loves another…and I would like to kiss’st thoust my dearest’st!” said a deep, overly embellished baritone voice.

James and Remus just looked at each other if horror and concern.

An eerie silence ensued, until Sirius’ voice sounded yet again down the hall and into the ears of many unfortunate, inadvertent listeners.

“Oooo, Jamesie-poo! I do hope’st that is just’st a toothpaste tube!” he squealed, making Remus and James cringe at the insufferable noises Sirius was making. “Oh, Jamesie, it’s leaking something creamy-”

“URGH! That-is-it! Thou shall not piss me off this morning, Black!” Remus cried, quite hysterically. He marched over to the door and opened it wide and then turned to look at James, a desperate expression on his face. “I mean…he-he’s not even doing it right- he’s ruining good innocent literature! He’s making no sen-” Sirius screeched once again, “- I’m gunna kill him.” He said quietly and dangerously, his face contorted in anguish; his right eye beginning to twitch convulsively. He turned sharply and marched off to ‘greet’ Sirius.

As he did so, James noticed that Lily was following close behind. She looked livid.

James just grinned and thanked Merlin it was Sirius and not him…

He waited for a few seconds for the climax – Remus and Lily’s payback, not Sirius’ fantastical one.

BANG

Sirius screamed in a girlish voice. Apparently he was still in character.

SLAP!

“AH- Shit! Bugger Merlin that hurt, Moony! That was completely uncalled fo-” he screamed like a school-girl again but didn’t manage to finish his final note…

SLAP!

“Ah damn it, Evans!” he howled in pain but his protests became suddenly muffled when-

SLAM!

The bathroom door was thrown shut in his face.

James heard the retreating footsteps of someone going down stairs and someone else walking back up to the room. It was Remus.

“Ah, I feel much better now,” he said contently. “Get changed, Prongs, we’ve really got to get a move on.” With that he turned and sauntered out of the room; a light bounce in his step.

It seemed that getting Sirius back for being, well, Sirius, lightened Remus’ morning mood quite considerably.

James shook his head, feeling concerned for Sirius’ mental health, amused at his deserved misfortune and surprisingly unperturbed by his outrageous, badly scripted, sexually suggestive, Shakespearean rendition of an unwritten play involving him and Lily.

Smiling and taking a deep breath, he grabbed some freshly Maid Marian-cleaned clothing – which was very clean by her standards – and headed for the bathroom; but not before picking up the piece of paper – not parchment – and began planning his way to win Lily over.

First step: to rid of the old – and apparently infuriating, according to Lily – habits, and bring in the new – seductive and enticing mannerisms.

“Let step one of the Seduction Secrets begin,” James muttered slyly to himself as he reached the bathroom door, but stopped and thought for a second, his hand on the door handle. “Or, is that step two?” he whispered, frowning in confusion.

Ask it about the seduction secrets, Potter, and you might find out.

“Oh yeah, cheers,” he responded, without really thinking, to his own suggestion.

“You’ll end up like ‘im you will – that Black bloke – talkin’ to yourself too much…” drawled one of the paintings on the wall in a cockney accent.

“Shut up,” James retorted and opened the door and walked into the bathroom, closing the door with a snap behind him.

Silence, and then…

“OH DEAR MOTHER OF MERLIN – MY EYES!”

“Ohhh, Jamesie! Like what’st you see’st?

Chapter 5

*

The Well Manored Malfoy’s

Atop a steeped hill side among many others of its kind, sat a large over grown house; it’s blacked out windows and tall wrought iron, black serpent entwined gates standing proudly and predominantly. This overstated and slightly dismal looking entrance gave the house, which lay beyond, across the vast grounds, a certain ominous appearance. Unfortunately, it also possessed the ability to make anyone who had to pass it during day or nightly hours feel extremely tempted to end whatever life they may be leading at the time.

Yes, this house certainly had its Dark qualities … however, with its expansive grounds, eerie darkened window panes and over grown pastures, one aspect of its whole appearance baffled many whom crossed its path.

It was not the Dark spells and enchantments placed upon the enormous gates; it was not its ridiculously over-whelming and looming presence – the kind that blocked out the rising morning sun – and nor was it the vicious and ravaging screeches and roars issuing from the rear of the stately home … alas, it was one problem that surrounded the house and grounds itself and one that sort of defeated the whole ‘high-security’ demeanour …

“You know, after all this time, I still haven’t worked it out,” one of the local residents would say to a friend as they both gazed at the house before them with expressions of utmost confusion and almost comical desperation.

The friend would then grunt in disbelief, shaking and scratching his head, maybe hoping it would entice some sort of explanation to leap to mind, and then say, “I is believing it is most probably all the Darkest of shells and cocktails goin’ on inside there – must be sending ‘em all a bit barmy … surely anybody with sense would have been noticing …”

The first friend would then turn their head to look at the other and flash them a slightly bemused look.

“Did– did you just say, ‘shells and cocktails’?” the first one would enquire.

The second would then just stand and stare at the house before glaring at it and responding, in a dazed state of mind, with, “What? You know I don’t like seafood. You know it gives me terrible indigestion problems …” With that said, they would roll their eyes and say something along the lines of, “Stupid fish,” and then simply walk off in the direction they neither intended to go nor where they had come from initially.

This left the first friend standing alone with a bewildered look on their face, until the point where they too, would follow in the second friends wake, muttering an incoherent, “Stupid fish? … Massive gates that don’t even have any walls … and you talk about Cod-damn bloody fish – I hate fishes.”

You see, this kind of abnormal behaviour was commonplace in and around a distance of 10 meters from the house’s territory. It caused people to start up random conversations and apparently lose the ability to use the English language correctly.

Of course, many of these victims were not in fact ‘victims’ as such – most were simply stupid in their own rights and held very little capability in the art of coherent two-way conversation … so, a lot of the time, they would resort to talking to themselves and arguing with their conscience – not the brightest lights in times of darkness, one must admit, as they would often cock that one up too, and find themselves unable to even converse with their imaginary twins.

The residents of this house, however, were not stupid and nor did they feel the need for tangible solid stone walls surrounding their property. As far as they were concerned, although people had undoubtedly noticed the noticeable flaw in their security implementation, none of them were clever enough to take advantage of the non-existent walls and walk over on to their boundaries; and, likewise, anyone that was clever enough to actually notice this possibility, were generally clever enough not to cross on to the householders premises … mainly out of fear of being savaged by the hostile bestial creatures that also lived there, aside from the wizards, of course.

* * *

Two men sat in a large room. This room took the obvious appearance of a living room – its plentiful ornaments and statues all sculptured in to some of the Darkest of creatures; the favourite being the serpent, of course, yet there were other notable evil creatures that cluttered the room; such as the Banshee, a spectral ghoul that would float around aimlessly, weeping and letting out exaggerated distressed cries and sobs. Most deafening to many, and the kind of irate crying that you know is just for attention – also the kind that instantly fires you to the brink of committing murder … until you realise the unfortunate situation you’re in, and end up bawling your eyes out because killing someone that is already dead isn’t yet possible, so you end up resorting to suicide – ultimately returning as a Banshee yourself, ready to send someone else insane and to their deaths.

Another beast that adorned the living space was the infamous Bugglebeak Biffle, a vicious and untameable Dark animal that possessed an ability of great magnitude. It was said that if you dared to stare it in the eyes, it would instantly assume it to be an act of war, and would use it’s long, sharp and very wide beak to swallow you whole within milliseconds … suffice to say it simply does not wish to fight, so it disposes of it’s threat quickly.

Aside from its many gruesome looking decorative … things … and along with its silver and green painted walls, the room seemed quite habitable. One quality this room also possessed was its ability to offer you a strong impression of who the owners were: Dark figurines of evil animals obviously suggested that they were dangerous wizards and most probably followed the beliefs of purging the world of all that were not of Pure-blooded decent; the very grandiose wall hangings and pictures that one would normally associate with family paintings, family crests and such were generally of just one particular person; a blonde long-haired, snooty, beak-nosed, silver eyed, uptight, pale, pointy faced crook of a man, sporting a set of extravagant and luxurious black robes with a fine silver trim and a silver and green coat of arms on the left breast. This inevitably showed that the owner either had a fascination with green, silver and black, or that they were extremely egotistical and conceited – or maybe both.

Yes, the room was a perfect representation of who actually lived there, yet the people themselves really gave it all away … surprisingly …

The blonde haired man from the many portraits and pictures sat on a tall and grand throne-like chair that gave off the aura of aristocratic importance … or just someone with a fetish of overdramatic furniture. Facing him, there sat another man, again in a ridiculously large and over-stated chair, yet not so much as the one facing it. This man had pale skin with a slightly waxy appearance, blood red eyes, an all round pretty normal pointed nose, a long chin, sleek ebony hair that touched his waist, tied back in to a ponytail, a silver goatee that grew out in to three perfect separate curved spikes and a strange tattoo around his right eye. At about six foot five inches, he had a bulky yet toned build and his muscles could be seen poking through the material of his black and glimmering grey armoured body plates, just where the magical armour stopped and the thin fabric began on his biceps.

These two dangerous looking men sat there, lazily sipping on delicately carved black-diamond glasses. The blonde haired man’s glass contained a smoking green substance, while the other man was drinking something with a deep reddish tinge to it.

The blonde haired wizard then spoke, his voice smooth and deep.

“So, Raivan, my dear old friend, what brings you here at this hour?” he asked with a smirk upon his face. “I trust everything is all right with you and your lovely wife?”

Raivan cracked his neck several times before setting down his glass and gazing at the other man with an identical smirk.

“Oh, you know, Victor, the usual …”

Victor raised an eyebrow questioningly and replied, “Oh, I see … I trust, then, that you have brought along your, uh … pets?”

“Why, Malfoy, you’re not just a blonde with pretty eyes … you’re really quite quick …” Raivan said, his tone very gravely and deep. Victor Malfoy just grinned maliciously, apparently not offended in the slightest.

“Quite true, Drake, but we are not here to nit-pick,” he said softly, “we are here to discuss why you are here.”

Raivan Drake just laughed and bowed his head shortly before saying, “But of course.” he downed the remainder of the red liquid and licked up the trickle that was slowly seeping out of the corner of his mouth.

“I was ordered to stay here for a while by the Dark Lord; I have business to attend to further north. It’s a Hellhound job – I’m to take my best,” he said casually, though there was a hint of dread in his tone. Malfoy noticed this, however. Just as he was about to open his mouth, there was a loud, almighty howl and then a sudden succession of barking, roaring, growling and yelping.

Raivan jumped slightly and growled a little himself. “What on earth- can’t you keep those damned animals quiet, Malfoy?” Raivan said roughly. Malfoy just smiled mischievously. Raivan groaned in realisation.

“You’ve been starving the fuckers again, haven’t you?” Raivan barked accusingly, his whole posh-man attitude swiftly abandoned.

“Well you haven’t been here to feed them, Drake, and you can think again if you think I’m going near the bloody things,” Malfoy said calmly. “They’re not mine to feed; you insist on leaving most of them here, you deal with it.” He took a generous sip of his green liquor and leaned back into a more comfortable position.

Raivan grinned evilly and snorted. “You really are an arsehole, Malfoy,” he laughed.

“Why thank you, Drake. And you’re an insolent bastard who never seems to feed when he should do; consequently resulting in coming here to empty my supply of type ‘A’ liquor.”

They both laughed.

“Well, as a matter of fact, Victor, I fed last night – young children shouldn’t wander around by themselves at night … though I doubt that little girl will be wandering anywhere again – the afterlife, maybe, but not that little cramped alleyway.” Raivan said and grinned toothily at the memory. Malfoy frowned, yet he looked rather amused at the same time.

“Ah. And- what kind of young child goes wandering down dark, cramped alleyways in the dead of night, Raivan?” Malfoy asked, sounding mildly interested.

“One that follows the sounds of her dying mothers pleas and screams, of course,” said Drake very quietly, a dangerous glint in his eye.

“That is positively macabre, Drake – and ingenious at the same time – I love it,” Malfoy said in the same voice. Silence then followed, until Malfoy spoke up again.

“So, Drake, tell me – how is it, that you are said to be one of the best Master Beast Tamers, yet your wife trained your best Hellhound; one of the rarest and most vicious creatures to ever walk this earth, and not you?” Malfoy jeered, smirking tauntingly.

“Don’t talk about that stupid bitch in my presence, Victor, you know how much she nearly ruined me,” he said forcefully. He sniffed and put on a very serious expression. “Do you understand how bloody insulting it is? She named the damn thing after her childhood teddy bear, for fuck sake!” he growled heatedly.

“Oh, and what was that?”

Raivan muttered incoherently and Malfoy leant forward a few inches.

“I’m sorry, Drake, didn’t catch that …”

“The bloody thing’s name is Puffles! Puffles, I tell you!” Drake shouted incessantly. Malfoy suddenly burst out into uncharacteristic laughter at the thought of one of the Darkest and most deathly creatures in the world with a name like-

“Puffles!?” he roared and continued to laugh unpleasantly.

Raivan looked absolutely scandalised.

“It’s not bloody funny! I can’t order it to do anything with out calling its name! Most of the fucking people I’m sent to brutally torture and kill die in fits of hysterical laughter!” he groaned in a frustrated manner. This only set Malfoy into further bouts of uncontrollable laughter, as he slowly sank to the floor.

“Stop it! Stop laughing you inconsiderate bastard! Seriously, I can’t take him anywhere on a Muggle-murdering visit without people laughing in my face about it. His signature attack move has to be commanded in a certain way and only that way … I mean- I mean … she even named all of the moves things like, ‘Fluffy flutter ravage’ and ‘Pinky pillow pounce’! It’s fucking embarrassing!” At that point Malfoy, who was beginning to calm down, fell back to the floor in frenzied mirth.

Drake roared in anger and with a flash of his eyes and a swing of his fist, a large gaping chunk broke off from the throne-like arm chair he was sat on. Immediately, Victor Malfoy became quiet and sat up straight, wiping a few last tears away from his face and sporting a very serious expression, that made him look as though he had been like that all the time and not falling about laughing.

Malfoy whipped out his wand and repaired the damage, before adjusting his robes and nodding to the angry man opposite him.

“I do apologise, Drake … but it really was every bit as funny as it sounded,” he said drawled.

“I’m sure it was …” was all Raivan spat in reply before standing up in a huff and marching out of the room, slamming the great black engraved doors behind him.

Victor Malfoy filled up his glass again and sniffed obnoxiously.

“How absolutely rude …”

“My, my, Victor, I never knew Vampires had such a temper,” came a voice from somewhere in the room.

Victor tensed and his eyes widened. He cleared his throat before saying confidently, “Neither, my Lord, did I.”

* * *

After bidding the adults goodbye, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily retreated to the Drawing room for a rest before going about their daily tasks. Lily, it would suffice to say, was not all too happy with the current arrangements and had henceforth sat at a desk to read as far from the Marauders as possible. Every now and again she would shoot furtive glances at them and roll her eyes, giving them an equal share of disgusted looks, before returning to her novel.

However, anyone paying attention to Lily would realise that, in actual fact, not a lot of reading was being accomplished, and that the pages of her book never turned, nor did her eyes move. You see, Lily, although she would never admit it to anyone, barely even herself, found it quite intimidating to be trapped in a house with four boys – well three of them at least – that were simply, well, extremely fit, fine, hot, gorgeous, handsome- well you get the general idea.

But, their unmatched ‘beauty’ as it were, didn’t seem to out weigh their overly large heads, their unbearably cocky attitudes and their outright arrogance. Well, she thought, that’s not fair; Remus is okay; he’s pretty sweet at times. The others, however- oh, and Peter, he’s just weird. The other two, however are neither sweet nor weird – they’re simply insufferable, rude and sexy.

She winced.

Stop doing that! We’ve already pointed out that they’re, well, not exactly ugly, but your thoughts are wicked, Lillian, they’re too explicit for such a virgin mind as yours. She sighed. Why did her mothers words always have to disturb her at times like these?

Damn that woman!

Lillian, how many times have I told you! Do-not-

Yes, yes, I know, Do-not-denounce-our-Lord-into-Damnation.

Thank you, mother …

The Marauders, feeling it would be prudent to leave Lily alone for a while, decided to discuss their current dilemma: James’ plan.

“Just remember,” repeated Remus for the fifth time running, “don’t act like a complete prick and stop trying to impress her by upsetting her, making terrible moves on her and for Merlin’s sake, will you stop ruffling up your hair!” he added in frustration. James looked at him reproachfully and removed his hand from his head, which had shot up there the second he saw Lily glance over at them.

“What’s wrong with it? I always do it,” he said stupidly.

“What’s wrong with it, Prongs, is that Lily hates it. She also hates it when you smirk at her; she finds it arrogant, and we don’t want her to think that.”

“Fine, okay, I won’t do it anymore!” James sighed in annoyance. “Look, I know what I’m doing, okay? The best way for me to win this bet of yours, is this,” he said and held up a piece of paper – not parchment. Remus sighed and covered his eyes with his hands.

Sirius, on the other hand, grinned mischievously and patted James on the back. “Ah, the old Marauder Trick, eh? You’re good, Prongsie, but not that good,” he said and shook his head.

James glared at him but ignored the comment. Slowly, he unfolded the paper and stared at it for a while.

“Well, if you’re going to do it, bloody well do it, don’t just stare at the damn thing!” Remus hissed indignantly.

Nodding, James spoke quietly, asking a question that only one could answer: “How do I, James Harold Potter, begin the first step to getting Lily Elizabeth Evans to sleep with me?”

All four of them sat in suspense as to what it would say, and surely enough, moments later, very fine script began to appear upon the piece of paper – not parchment – and they all started to read quietly to themselves.

It read: To the beholder of this tool, I shall reveal to you, James Harold Potter, the first course of action into the Seduction Secrets.

Step one: In roughly a minute, Lily Elizabeth Evans shall make way for the swimming pool to take a swim. Twenty minutes later, you will follow Lily Elizabeth Evans outside to the pool alone, unaccompanied by anybody else. Your accomplices will detour to the Quidditch Pitch to play a few games, leaving you an open opportunity to spend time with Lily Elizabeth Evans.

Remember: Use your positive attributes in order to entice Lily Elizabeth Evans. Last but not least, let action take its course.

Finally: Pretend you don’t know she is there, and change outside by the pool into your swimming shorts. You must avoid looking her way until she speaks to you; when she does, do not act arrogant, do, however, seduce her – changing before her will lower her barriers, all you have to do is play ‘smoothly’.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all looked up at the same time and instantly looked around to Lily, who sure enough, had packed away her book and was making her way out of the door, muttering something under her breath.

Remus, with heightened hearing senses, turned to the rest of them and said in disbelief, “She needs a swim … to cool off …”

Disbelief soon turned into a wide grin upon James’ face.

Let the first step begin.

Perversion & Persuasion

“Do not mess up!” warned Remus for the seventh time running.

“Look, Moony, this is our mate James Potter we’re talking about here, I’m pretty sure he can handle seducing Lily Evans,” said Sirius sarcastically, earning a punch on the arm from James, who was waiting for the right time to follow Lily out to the pool area.

“Shut up, Padfoot,” said James, glaring at Sirius. “I know it won’t be as easy as every other girl has been but-” he stopped and looked at his watch, then looked back with a cheeky grin on his face. “Time to go.” He said simply and turned about on his heel and headed for the door.

“Right, yeah … good luck Prongs! Don’t let the bed bugs bite!” called Sirius and Remus flicked him on the ear.

“Careful James!” Remus called and sighed as James closed the door behind him.

All three boys turned their heads and looked at each other.

“He’s fucked.”

“She’ll kill him.”

“We’ll play Quidditch.”

They all nodded in agreement and followed in James’ wake in silence.

*

Lily had just changed into her tight green bikini and was lowering herself into the pool.

“Shh- damn that’s cold…” she muttered to herself but decided that it was a good thing, as she really did need to cool off after the numerous thoughts about a certain boy.

“Stupid Potter,” she whispered as she sank all the way down and under the waters surface. Within two seconds she had resurfaced again, gasping for breath. “Breathe, Lily, breathe …” she coughed, wiping water out of her eyes and trying to slow down her heart rate. “He looks good, but he’s still a prick – yes – a big prick–” she paused, grimaced and then shuddered at the wild and devilish thoughts trying to provoke her into insanity.

Oh, and then she almost screamed.

Potter – or by popular default according to everyone else where she was staying – James, had just strolled casually out of the large oak front doors of his house. He stopped briefly to gaze into the sun and bathe in its calm, before stretching and walking down the marble steps.

Evans – or by popular default according to everyone else where she was staying – Evans- she stopped to think about this one, and quickly decided that, to be fair, she was in the minority around here, and would have to stick with Evans.

So, Evans, who saw this as the perfect opportunity to cry out in frustration, anger, annoyance, helplessness and lust – all the emotions injected in to her mind at the sight of James Potter – took a deep breath, slowly sank under water and then swam quickly around a corner so she would be hidden behind two looming, yet quite lovely, she duly noted, palm trees. Once she was sure the devil himself couldn’t see her, she peered between the trunks, a hopeful expression that positively screamed, ‘Fuck off and leave me alone you immature, sad, arrogant arse’.

It was all in the eyes.

Suffice to say that her retinal communication skills failed her this time as she was quite well concealed from James’ view and absolutely mute.

Both James and Lily had not gained that level of affectionate understanding yet. Oh yes, it is possible.

Lily, eventually, watched James with a little more intensity as he made his way down to the pool’s edge, stopped, frowned, then grinned and began to pull off his shirt. Somehow managing to slip in the water, she tried to gain her composure in order to safe guard her own self-dignity, although alone where no one could see her, and against her mothers better judgement continued to gaze at James undressing.

As he threw the shirt onto a chair, he pressed down on his left shoulder with his right hand and began to massage a ‘knot’. This, of course, gave Lily a perfect in-the-flesh image of most of James’ muscles as they flexed teasingly in the glare of the searing heat. Caught in a semi-trance like state, Lily failed to register James’ hands that were now on his shorts’ button and only too soon did he have them down and around his ankles before the blatant, yet intriguing perversity of her current situation really sunk in.

‘Lillian! I am most disgusted with you! Watching a-a-a boy undress–’ scolded her mother’s voice somewhere in the depths of her mind.

“Go away. Go away. Go-away!’ she hissed to herself as a not-so-faint blush crept up her neck and onto her cheeks.

Ignoring the better judgement that presently clouded her hormonal intuition; she remained stock still, transfixed upon the sight before her.

Her eyes could do nothing but widen as James turned around, clad only in boxers, and bent over to pick up his shorts and threw them on to the chair with his shirt.

“Wow …” Lily gasped, her face now resembling an aluminous magenta, what with the glowing shades of pink and purple that harboured a glistening sheen of what was either water or sweat. “I think we’ve seen enough …” she said in an undertone but trailed off, instantly radiating a deep crimson as James removed the last of his clothing.

Still turned with his back (among other bodily attributes) facing Lily, he clicked his fingers and a pair of maroon and gold swimming shorts appeared in his hands and he began to adorn them. Lily’s breathing, to say the least, was sufficiently laboured and shallow at this point, as she witnessed James Potter finally cover himself up.

One part of her brain sighed in relief, another part told her she was in a lot of trouble and a distant, yet loud part of her brain screamed out, ‘No, take them off again and turn around this time!’ and it echoed constantly.

Shaking herself both mentally and physically, Lily quickly praised Quidditch, the two lovely palm trees which had served her well and of course the Lord God himself, then persisted in observing James crack his neck a few times and then dive, with an unforeseen grace, Lily had to admit, into the pool and rise, pushing his sopping hair away from his eyes.

It wasn’t until she watched him swim a couple of lengths that she noticed something very out of place as she looked around the edges of the pool.

Where on earth were-

“They’re playing Quidditch I think.” Came a voice and she turned sharply to see James Potter a few metres away from her, ruffling up his hair so that it stuck up in all directions. Nothing out of place there, she thought grimly.

Then she realised, with a pang of panic, that she had been caught. Glaring briefly at the two tall, albeit lovely, palm trees, she flushed again as James raised an eyebrow at her.

“How long have you been there?” he questioned, feigning ignorance, unbeknownst to Lily, and floated a little further towards her.

Backing up a foot, she glared looking anywhere but at him. “Not long, and as of now, not any longer thanks to you,” she said quietly, yet coldly, and after taking a quick glance around her, sighed when she realised she was cornered.

James looked affronted and said sincerely, “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you wanted to be alone. I’ll just be a second, then it’s all yours.” His eyes flickered over Lily for a moment before he turned and dived back under water. For a second Lily felt slightly guilty about making him feel he should leave his own pool, but thought better of it as she remembered who and what he was.

Her short lived guilt was sure to be a last when she felt something grab her by the waist and begin tickling her. Squealing, she tried to move away and pushed her hands down to try and grab her aggressor, but at the same time a pleasurable shiver shot down her spine as her fingers latched onto another set of fingers.

With a wave of water, Lily’s ‘attacker’ came up for air, laughing heartedly.

“James Harold Potter!” she gasped as she received a face full of water as James’ head broke the surface. “I am going to kill you, you conceited little bastard!” she offered almost as an afterthought and splashed James.

“Oh, come on Lily, I’m only trying to loosen you up! You’re so stressed …” he spluttered, laughing.

“The reason I’m stressed is because of you, Potter! You and your idiotic friends!” she hissed angrily and stood there, breathing heavily, her eyes unconsciously lapping up the sight of a dripping wet James Potter.

James had stopped laughing now and was staring at her. “You know, I didn’t choose for you to come here. It’s not my fault. All I’m trying to do is get you to have some fun while you’re here,” he said softly, frowning. “We may as well attempt to get on for a few days … try and relax.”

Lily simply gazed in shock at his newfound maturity. I do hate him, but he has got a point I suppose, she thought, and this is going to be unbearable if I don’t at least try. But still …

“Fine. Wait, what’s the catch?” she shot at him sharply. Unfazed by her coldness, James moved closer to her, looking every bit genuine and innocent.

“Only that you have to stop being so tense,” he whispered huskily as he lay a gentle hand upon her shoulder. Lily didn’t move an inch; she just glared at him. “Here, look, I’ll tell you what … let me give you a famous Potter massage,” he added, still speaking in low tones.

Lily’s eyes went wide in amusement and she laughed in disbelief. “Do- do you really think that I would let you give me a massage? I mean, seriously?” she snorted and shook her head.

James sighed. “It’s not like I’m going to try anything on you. I give all of our guests massages when they stay here – my mum used to do it on the side, and she taught me how to do it. Let’s just say it comes with the service while staying here.” He explained, smiling lightly, his usual smirk no where to be seen.

Feeling doubtful, yet interested, Lily bit her lip and said, “And you swear you won’t try to grope me, or tickle me or anything of the sort?” she said forcefully.

“No, no, no. I’ve told you before, Lily, Sirius is the perverted one. I won’t touch anywhere you don’t want me to … trust me, though, it will help you calm down a lot.” James pushed patiently. At his words, Lily was reminded of her dirty little perverted secret, and she felt a little hypocritical.

“Right, give me the same massage you give every single guest that you treat for your mum and we have a deal. Besides, I’ve never had one … it might be worth it, so long as you’re professional about it,” she added pointedly and he nodded, a smile on his face as he motioned to follow him.

Once out of the pool, James lay out a thick towel on one of the sun beds. “Okay, if you just lay down on your front there, I’ll prepare the oils,” he said and Lily nodded mutely. She lay down and propped up on her elbows, watching as James conjured a variety of oils and poured a few of them into a small dish, in which he quickly mixed them together.

He turned to look at her and grinned mischievously, holding the prepared solution. Lily rolled her eyes as he knelt down beside her. “You’re going to love this,” he muttered warmly. Getting up he swung a leg over Lily’s back.

“What on earth do you think you’re doing? I thought we agreed-” Lily began heatedly.

“And I’m not; this is the best way to do it. If I try anything, I give you full permission to hex me,” he said hastily.

“Yeah, like I need your ‘permission’ …” she growled in an undertone, rolling her eyes and huffing.

James sat down lightly on Lily’s behind and she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Now, close your eyes and forget about everything around you. I’m sure pushing me out of your head won’t be hard,” he added with a weak laugh.

Not as easy as you think, Potter.

James rubbed his hands in the oil and placed them upon Lily’s shoulder blades. “I’m, erm, I’m going to have to undo your bikini strap,” he said and then added very quickly, “They’re in the way and everything will still be…covered up, don’t worry!”

Lily, closing her eyes and wondering what she had gotten herself into, tensed as she felt James unclasp the back of her bikini top. He was quick and virtually effortless, which gave her the impression he had done this far too many times. Then, she let out an unwarranted gasp and moan of pleasure as she felt her whole body relax as James’ gentle yet firm touch glide across her back and shoulders, along her neck and down to her waist and the small of her back where he drew circles with the most amazing caress and touch. With every soft stroke, Lily felt her muscles giving in to relaxation and serenity.

It was so wonderful that she was sure she had muttered the words, “Wow, this is amazing, James,” several times within five minutes.

Feeling hot breath on her cheek, but not really caring at that particular moment in time, she heard James’ deep voice whisper into her ear.

“See, I told you it would be worth it, didn’t I?” he breathed so calmly and softly, that it sent a tingle all the way down Lily’s spine and she couldn’t help but wiggle her toes and tense her feet a few times to try and dispel the odd feeling.

James’ hands roamed over Lily’s smooth skin for another fifteen minutes before he placed his fingers in the middle of her back and very gently ran the tips across her skin. “Wake up, Lily,” he called quietly as she had indeed fallen asleep a few minutes to the end. Lily groaned and let out a soft, “Mmm hmm …”

She opened her eyes and felt the tickling sensation on her back and squirmed slightly. “That feels nice too …” she muttered, smiling serenely and sighing.

James grinned happily and laughed. “Come on; remember where you are, Lily. Time to get up,” he said, rubbing his hands down her back once more, clipping her top back up and climbing from his straddling position to stand by her side. Lily turned her head to look at James and for the first time ever, smiled genuinely at him.

“I may not like you very much, James Potter, but even I have to admit, that was absolutely amazing,” she whispered and sat up, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

“Glad I could do something useful for once,” James replied, looking quite pleased with himself, and Lily laughed.

Still not quite with the norms of reality, Lily looked at James sleepily and asked, “And what else do you massage, Mr. Potter?”

James, looking stunned and taken aback, stared adoringly at Lily, and responded quietly, “Well, I can do head massages, stomach massages, lip massages …” he slipped in quickly and then added, “Anything you want, really.”

Lily sat in contemplation at his words. Wanton lust was all that showed in her eyes, and guilt-worthy thoughts played like a film strip through her mind. James, starting to worry a little at Lily’s funny expression, knelt hesitantly in front of her and opened his mouth to ask her what was wrong, but …

“What was the last one again?” she enquired softly as she gazed into James’ concerned eyes.

James found himself lost in the depths of her glistening emerald eyes and closed the gap between them very slowly.

“Shall I show you?” he breathed throatily and Lily just tentatively placed one hand on his bare chest and closed the rest of the distance.

As soon as their lips grazed, and touched for a few moments, their arms wrapped around each other instantly and the force of the kiss became heavy, deep and hungry. Just as James slid his tongue along Lily’s bottom lip …

“Oh dear God … that’s disgusting – put that Mudblood down, you vile cretin!” sneered a deep, gravelly voice. A snarling and growling could be heard as the pair shot apart and turned to face the source.

Before them stood a tall, heavily built man, adorned in what looked like black metal-platted armour. His hair was long and jet black and his skin pale; a goatee beard stood out, split into three long spikes on his protuberant chin.

However, although this man was certainly terrifying, he was nothing compared to the large black Alsatian with piercing red slits for eyes and what looked like steel spikes running down the course of it’s spine.

Scary, to say the least … that is until you looked at the large blood print on it’s left side that depicted the immensely, somewhat degrading and dignity-blowing letters:

P U F F L E S